Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots! Summer Update!

WORDS WORDS WORDS
User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1345
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots! Summer Update!

Post by Hoitash » Thu Jun 21, 2018 7:46 am

Part III:

Quelling the foreboding sensation building in the pit of my stomach, I grabbed the pruning shears and left the garage, my fellow exterminators right behind me.

“Soon-hee,” I said, “are you sure you're okay helping us with this?”

“I am,” she said, “they’re just bugs, after all. Well, insects. Large insects with stingers that can fly. But we’re in the suits, so we’ll be fine.”

“Damn right!” Kenji cheered.

We all paused as we neared the awaiting nest, the hornets buzzing to and fro, stupidly large and angry looking. Seriously, there should be a rule about an insect being an apex predator.

“Kenji,” I said, my eyes on the nest as I asked, “You’re sure these suits are thick enough, right?”

“I am,” he replied, “Now man up and get in position.”

Rolling my eyes, I shuffled into place under the nest, where hornets the size of squirrels buzzed to and fro about their daemonic bullshit.

Never before had I wanted a flamethrower as much as I did in that moment. As all I had was a pair of shears, though, so I readied them as per Kenji’s plan. Kenji, meanwhile, bug bomb in one hand and detonator in the other, watched as Soon-hee opened the big garbage bag and positioned herself under the nest.

“Do we have a plan if the nest doesn’t land in the bag?” I asked.

“Set off the bomb and run for the garage.”

“Do we have a plan that doesn’t get me arrested?”

“Are you gonna nitpick or are you gonna get ready to snip?”

“I am perfectly capable of doing both.”

“The hornets are bigger than I thought they’d be,” was Soon-hee’s contribution to our banter.

Trying to ignore the increasingly angry drone of the oversized insects, I opened the shears at the appropriate branch. For the moment, they ignored us, fortunately.

“We got one shot at this,” I warned, “if I don’t pull off a clean but they’re gonna attack before we can toss ‘em in the bag.”

“I know, man,” Kenji said, “now get ready to snip in three… two… NOW!”

I squeezed the two handles with all my medically inhibited might. The sturdy branch gave way and fell into the bag with a disturbing smacking sound. Kenji spiked the bug bomb into the bag and Soon-hee closed it with her hands, holding it tight as Kenji triumphantly pushed the button.

Nothing happened.

Kenji pushed the button again. Nothing happened again. Like Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight, he proceeded to mash the detonation button as if he was playing a fighting game using an overpowered secondary attack.

“Kenji,” I said to get him to stop, “what was supposed to happen?”

I could imagine him glowering at the button as he replied, “The bug bomb shoulda gone off and choked those hornets in glorious chemical death!”

“And what actually happened?”

Finally giving up on the button, Kenji turned to me in his suit and said, “Jack-shit, that’s what.”

“So what does that mean?”

“I need to stop buying shit from Russia.”

“Besides that?” I prompted.

“Um,” in lieu of raising her hand, because they were the only thing holding the bag of by now no doubt blood enraged hornets, Soon-hee spoke up to get our attention, “it means I’m holding a bag of giant hornets that are probably incredibly upset?”

“Exactly,” I replied, “so then, Kenji, do we have a Plan B?”

“Um,” Soon-hee spoke up again, “If we can tie the bag closed, I can smash the nest with a hammer, or something equally large and useful for smashing.”

Kenji turned and pointed to what he probably thought was my house, “To the garage!”

Well, at least we wouldn’t make a mess.

“I’m sure Hana has some spare wire lying around,” I said, “and I think we have a sledgehammer somewhere.”

“I’m not picky,” Soon-hee said,” as long as it smashes.”

With Plan B planned, we proceeded to the garage, the only thing between us and hornet catastrophe a thin layer of plastic. As for those stuck out of the nest, they’d disperse eventually, and if not, I still had my sprayer. Suppressing the thought of what would happen if the bastards got loose, I shuffled ahead to try and find some wire, or a very large twist tie.

I found metal chains and snapped engine belts.

I sighed as I looked for a belt long enough to do the job, “Why does she keep these?”

“Did you find something?” Kenji asked.

I turned to face the two as they entered the garage, “Yeah, I found some old engine belts or something. That should do the trick.”

“How about a hammer?”

“That’s next,” I said, “Let me tie up the bag before the things get loose.”

I heard Kenji snort from within his suit, “I told you man, it’s gonna take more than some bugs to tear that bag.”

Tying up the bag with some broken belts, I retorted, “You also said your bug bomb would work.”

“That was the Russian’s fault!”

“There’s a hammer over there,” Soon-hee said, pointing, “Should I smash the bomb too?”

I turned from Kenji to address the girl, “Yes. There’s a chance it’ll explode, so after you take it out, hit the nest too, just in case.”

“Got it,” she said, and headed to the hammer.

Kenji sighed and watched her as best he could, “She is enjoying this a bit too much.”

“Everyone needs a hobby,” I said, “and she never gets to use her weapon training… why am I the one advocating your child’s desire to smash things?”

Kenji turned to me in his suit, “Huh… that is a good question. Must be a parent thing.”

Before I could respond to that, Soon-hee returned with what looked to be a 40 lbs sledge. Before I could question why we owned such a heavy tool –or how my wife could lift it for that matter- Soon-hee hefted the hammer and brought it down on the bomb.

I chose to attribute her exuberance to thoroughness. Also, Kenji’s bomb was so horribly constructed the gas didn’t even puff out. Kenji’s reaction to that revelation was so loud and creatively profane I wanted to cover Soon-hee’s ears.

At the end of it, though, the nest was destroyed, Hana’s karma was fine, Soon-hee got to smash something and eat cookies, Kenji learned never to buy anything made in Russia, and I learned never to let Kenji try and make pest control equipment.

I’ve had weirder summer experiences, so all in all that one was a resounding success.

+++

Fuck Japanese hornets.

I don’t mess around with insects the size of birds. That’s just tempting evolution right there.

Oh, and happy summer!

/smokebomb
Last edited by Hoitash on Fri Jun 22, 2018 6:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 5977
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots! Summer Update!

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Jun 22, 2018 8:57 am

save me hundreds of dollars a year?
Does he send his car to the states to have it fixed?
“are you sure your okay helping us with this?”
You're

Hanako is overreacting a bit here, but hey, it's one of your stories, so par for the course, eh?
Also we get more Son-hee which excuses a lot :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1345
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots! Summer Update!

Post by Hoitash » Fri Jun 22, 2018 6:38 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Jun 22, 2018 8:57 am
save me hundreds of dollars a year?
Does he send his car to the states to have it fixed?
...This is what happens when I'm out of practice, apparently.

Fixed.
“are you sure your okay helping us with this?”
You're
Also fixed.
Hanako is overreacting a bit here, but hey, it's one of your stories, so par for the course, eh?
Also we get more Son-hee which excuses a lot :-)
I figure Hanako has a strong maternal instinct.

Also glad I can still count on my Number 1 Soon-hee/Hee-chan/Sonny/Muscles/Heeneesan fan :)

Geez, girl has more nicknames than I do.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

Post Reply