A New Life (Tentative Title)

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demonix
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A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by demonix »

Before anyone asks why this is currently a tentative title, I needed something to name the file I'm currently saving the story to (and I know that people hate untitled stories).

This is one of the four stories I'll be working on during the evenings (two of which don't have complete first chapters).

I won't be saying much about the main character in the story or his problems/disabilities as that will be revealed during the story (there are some hints in this chapter), but I will say that he's part English (fathers side) and part Japanese (mothers side) although like the other parts, I'll be leaving this to come up during the story.

I know that there might some inaccuracies here, but this is my story so I can make a few things up.

There's a few things that I changed between actually finishing the first chapter and posting it here.
-I did put the main characters height down as 5' 10" tall, but that only made him just over three inches taller then Lilly so I changed the height over to centimetres and made him about 6' 2" tall to make him stand out a lot more.
-I've based the flight time on the direct flight time for getting from the UK to Japan (a little research goes a long way in story telling), and I did do some research on airports in Japan where international flights would land (I chose the departing airport myself since I live a few miles away from LHR).
-(not exactly a change, but I thought I should mention this if someone asks) Talking in public (like on a bus or train) is frowned on in Japan (James May and Richard Hammond from top gear know this well) which is why he walks into the area between the carriages to make the call.

And without further ado, here's the first chapter (I know there might be too many coincidences, but I think that at least one of them helps the story).
It's not much (and probably won't be enough to gauge a opinion on), but it's a start (and I know that the name of the chapter does sound a bit silly).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Long and Winding Journey

A sudden jolt stirs me from my slumber.
As I open my eyes and look around, I find that I'm still in my seat on a flight to Japan.
While I get my seat back into its upright position, I begin to wonder again how the insurance company managed to get me a seat in business class.
It was a good thing though, because I might get recognised and everything that has lead up to this would be for nothing.
Wearing the uniform for my new school makes me look business like, but the green trousers and blazer make me stick out like a sore thumb.
Not that I'll be doing more of that at my new school, even though my hair colour and some of my facial features will make me fit in, standing at one hundred eighty-eight centimetres tall will be one of my standing out like a sore thumb problems.
I pull out my passport from the blazer pocket and flip directly to the bio data page.
My new name was the only thing that was decided on by me, but everything else was taken care of by the people that were in charge of the day to day part of my life.
Having my face plastered on TV and being harassed by the paps every day after I got out of the hospital, the aforementioned people that were taking care of my day to day life decided that I should start a new life in a new country and at a new school.
Since I was part Japanese the choice of country was easy, but I thought the choice of school would be harder which it wasn't.
I was going to Yamaku Academy, a school that primarily deals with disabled students and they thought that it was a good place for me to go because of my leg.

It wasn't a simple thing to do since I had to get to the education level of a third year highschool student as well as learning Japanese which is something my parents failed to teach me.
The language part was simple probably due to genetic memory or some shit like that, but the schooling part took me up to a few months ago before I was ready for the move to my new school.
That happened to be a good thing since the school year was starting a few months later, which is why I'm now on a flight to Japan in an attempt to get to my new school before the first lesson of the day started so I can check out my new digs for the better part of the next year.
My family did still have a property in Japan which was surprising after what I'd heard, but it would give me somewhere to live after graduation.
I suddenly remembered something that I needed answered, so I pressed the call button and a stewardess appeared next to my seat a little while afterwards.

"How long have we been airborne", I asked.
"Just over five and a half hours", the stewardess said "is anything the matter?"
"Nothing", I said "I just needed to know that".
I was glad that I'd gotten some sleep, since I hadn't had that much over the past few days.
Maybe leaving the country was enough to make me relax, since I fell asleep about half an hour after the plane left Heathrow.
There was still plenty of time before we landed, so I took a walk around the deck to make sure that blood was still getting to my legs and waited to see if there would be any food served any time soon.

I managed to get something to eat, but I couldn't any sleep for at least five hours afterwards and I was woken up by a stewardess telling me to put my seat in the upright position and to put my belt on as we were about to land at Haneda.
About ten minutes after the plane landed and moved to its position at the terminal, I took the only bag I had with me and walked off the plane.
Getting the rest of the way out was the tough part as first immigration and then customs held me up, with the latter doing so because I'd only brought one bag with me.
I really had a go at customs when they wanted to conduct a strip search after they got to my right leg, since I would NEVER let anyone outside the medical profession look at me naked.
They relented after a little discussion, and probably a phone call to my school or someone else that was involved in my case.
Since I'm now standing in the arrivals hall there were two more things I had to do, with the first being the final part in severing ties with the old me and my old identity.
I removed the mobile phone from my bag and removed the back cover, the battery and finally the SIM card.
I return to my bag and removed a small envelope from it, inside was another SIM card.
After putting the new SIM card, replaced the battery as well as the cover, I turned the phone on to make sure everything was working.
A few seconds after the startup screen, the network name displayed on the phone told me that everything was working and the SIM card was active, so I placed the old card into the envelope and back into my bag to be finally destroyed later on since I couldn't bring scissors in my bag.
When I looked at my watch, I realized that the time spent going through immigration and customs had ruined my plans since I had planned to get to school with enough time to check out my room before heading to class, but now I had just enough time to get to the classroom a minute or so before lessons started.
With the last link to my past now partly dealt with and my schedule now sorted, I left the airport and went to catch the train, but even that ended up causing more issues.
When I got to the train station, I found out that the next bullet train that would get me within screaming distance of Yamaku wouldn't be for about half an hour, so whichever way you slice it, I was now going to be late on my first day at school.

As the scenery flashed by, I knew that I had to make the school aware that I wouldn't be there on time, so I walked into the section between the carriages with my phone in tow.
It was a good thing that I was given the number for the student affairs office (or whatever it was called) before I started this journey.
After a few rings, someone picked up at the other end and asked what I wanted.

"I was meant to start today, but I'll be a bit late so I thought that I should call in and inform someone", I said "last name is Akemi".
There was a silence as whoever it was that answered were most likely going through the records, but I hoped that there weren't that many students with the same last name in school.
"Year three, class three with Mutou. I'll make sure he knows that you'll be delayed", the person said "do you know how late you'll be?"
"Half an hour at the latest", I said "a few problems combined to cause this".
"I'll make sure you get your room key when you get here", the person said before something distracted them "I need to talk to you for a bit".
"Could this wait until later", the man said "I have a new student arriving today".
"That's what I need to talk with you about", the person said "he's just called up to say he'll be delayed by at least half an hour".
"If he's still on the line, tell him that I'll be waiting in the foyer when he arrives", the man said.
That conversation ended, and the person I was talking to was about to speak before I interrupted.
"I heard", I said "he'll be waiting for me in the foyer".
"That makes things a bit easier", the person said "I should have given him your room key".
We ended the call after that, and I headed back to my seat.
There were few people in the carriage I was in, but I was still on guard even though I had hoped to have left that one part of my past behind.
The rest of the train ride went without any further problems, but my timing was better this time as the bus I had to take to get me the rest of the way pulled in a few minutes after I left the station.

It was the most nerve racking part of my journey, as I kept on looking at my watch every few minutes.
Over an hour later, the bus pulled up a little ways away from my final destination.
A five minute walk got me to the main gate, and as I checked my watch I found that I'd be about fifteen minutes late once I got to the foyer.
As I walk through the school grounds, I take in the scenery of where I'll be for the next eleven months or so.
When I arrive at the door to the main school building, I look at my watch again and scold myself for over predicting how long it'd take me to walk from the gate to here.
I look through the glass into the foyer to find what looks like a person standing some two hundred meters or so away from the door.
As I grasp the doors handle in my left hand, something goes through my mind.
I've already taken the first step into my new life, this is the next step....
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by Oddball »

There's certainly quite a bit of dramatic build up there.

I almost expected to see him talk about how he was part of some top secret organization and was going undercover or is part of some witness protection program.
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by LOL WUT »

Oddball wrote: I almost expected to see him talk about how he was part of some top secret organization and was going undercover.
"Alright Agent Akemi,You will be going undercover for this mission. You will be portraying a disabled student,and will be attending Yamaku. You are to become friends with the feminests and find out their plan. Good Luck."
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Talking in public (like on a bus or train) is frowned on in Japan...
Uh... No?
Whenever there are groups or friends on a train they talk just as much as in any other place of the world.
But with people who are alone the rate of mobile surfing or playing games on smartphones is much higher ;-)
The language part was simple probably due to genetic memory or some shit like that,
I think this is supposed to be a joke, but it would still be more believable to simply say his parents raised him bilingually.
"How long have we been airborne", I asked.
They don't have inflight information?
so whichever way you slice it, I was now going to be late on my first day at school.
Why does every exchange student decide to cut it that close on their first day of school - especially after a transcontinental flight?
He even got a SIM-card in advance (something I neglected to do^^°) but he failed to think of immigration and customs?

Good job on grammar and ortography by the way. You've improved a lot!
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by demonix »

You caught a little woopsie there as the words 'on a mobile phone' should have gone between talking and in (this is what I get for not proof reading the pre-story information before hitting the submit button). And for those that don't know what I'm talking about start playback on this video at 5:14 and you see what I was meant to be talking about.

He didn't learn to speak, read or write Japanese for reasons that will become clear later on in the story, and the genetic memory thing was taken from alien resurrection.

That would be one of my inaccuracies (I did say there would be some), but they could still know that information if they knew the time the plane took off (but it's a big but).

He had planned to get there (factoring in time to get through immigration and customs) with enough time to check out his room, check in with the nurse and head to class, but the extra time taken at immigration and customs meant that he had to go directly to class (which is why there was a need for the phone call since he was expected to arrive before classes started).
Everything regarding his move was planned beforehand so those who were in charge of those plans got the SIM card to him before he left (I wanted to have a leaving the old him behind scene (that being his old name) and the changing of the SIM cards was what I ended up using).
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by LOL WUT »

He didn't learn to speak, read or write Japanese for reasons that will become clear later on in the story, and the genetic memory thing was taken from alien resurrection.
was taken from alien resurrection.
alien resurrection.
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by demonix »

The second chapter is finally done and is the longest I've written for a directly posted story, but that is only because I wanted to get the first day over and done with using the least amount of chapters possible (if it does mess the page a bit, I'll try and break it down into two parts).

Before I get started with the copy and paste job, there's a few things I want to clear up.

-I didn't want to depend on the games script for most of the introduction which is why only a few parts of the initial meeting with Mutou and the introduction in front of the class comes from the game (I did make a few changes to the interests, even though they're mainly ones he has little interest in).
-He has what I call a think about doing something and then re-considers it after going through everything he's observed mentality the part where he notices Hanako and thinks about talking to her only to reconsider after going through everything he's observed is a good example of this (and his catching sight of the scars on her right hand affects how he acts around her)
-I've also changed some of the seating arrangements in the classroom with Ritsu sitting where Hisao would be sitting if he were there (and he won't be turning up in this story), with Akio and Hanako moving one seat to their left so the empty desk in the class would be between Naomi and Hanako.
-I know that there wouldn't be a chance in hell that someone would be able to map out the entire school grounds and convert that into an app, but I thought it would be a good plot device for staying away from Shizune and Misha for most of the chapter (and is one of the reasons why I changed the seating arrangements in the classroom).
-The problem with the absence of feeling in his right foot was actually based on a similar injury my father had (except that was from a botched operation to release a trapped nerve which ended up damaging it leading to a loss of feeling in the hand).
-That playing around with Kenji to get rid of him was intentional and was something I had planned since I wanted something that would allow me to introduce the person who would reside across the corridor from him (and I'll be covering this person in a bit more detail during the story).

Before I do the pasting, I should say that even though Hanako will still be her usual self most of the time, she'll be a bit more forward (I think that's the correct way to say it) when it comes to interacting with a certain someone.

Here ends the explanations, and begins the start of this chapter.

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The Second Step

I take a deep breath as I open the door and walk inside.
There isn't anyone apart from me and a tall man with bad posture standing in the foyer, but that would be because everyone else would be in class.
As I walked in, the man noticed me and starts to walk in my direction.

"So you must be... Akemi", the man asked as he took some time to remember my last name.
"That is correct", I said "and you must be Mutou?"
"How did you know that", Mutou asked with a surprised look on his face.
"Because I was still on the phone when you walked in", I said as I did my best impersonation of a phone with my left hand "I'm pretty good at putting names to voices".
Although I doubt that Mutou is that good with names.
"That makes things a bit easier", Mutou said "I'm your homeroom and science teacher".
He finished off the greeting and we exchanged handshakes, which unnerved me slightly since I was using my right hand.
Mutou looked at his watch after the handshake.
"I believe you were asked to check in with the head nurse when you arrived", Mutou said "but there isn't any time to do that now".
"I had planned on doing that", I said "but the time I had to spend at immigration and customs was longer then I expected I'd be there, so I'll deal with that at the end of the day".
"That should be fine", Mutou said "we should go and introduce you to the rest of the class. They're already waiting".
They wouldn't have been waiting if at least one of the two departments that held me up didn't take as much time with me, but there's no need to start crying over spilt milk now since what's done is done and I'll just have to make a good impression with my introduction.
"Would you like to introduce yourself to the class", Mutou asked.
"Of course", I said "I have to make a good first impression after everything that has happened".
"Let's go then", Mutou said as he heads for the stairs, but after a few steps he stopped walking, pulled a key out of his left trouser pocket and handed it to me "I was asked to give that to you. It means that's one thing that you don't have to collect".
The key I was handed had a tag with the number 225 written on it, so this must be the key to my room in the dormitory.
Once I'd placed the key in a suitable pocket, we continued to walk towards the stairs.
During the walk to the classroom, I started to think about what I was going to say when I introduced myself but I couldn't get any further then my name.
We eventually made it to the door that leads to the classroom, but as Mutou walks in, apologising for being late, I hesitate for a few seconds as I think about what I'm going to say, but since nothing is coming to mind I follow the teacher into the classroom.

The classroom is pretty spacious, with an unusually high ceiling and there's plenty of space left over around and between the desks.
I come to a complete stop and turn around to face the other students, but after looking around I could see that some of the people here can't be classed as normal.
The most obvious of those was the tanned or dark skinned girl in the front row who has a missing left hand, but my attention suddenly went to the dark haired girl in the back row.
The bangs on the right side of her head look to be longer then on the left probably to hide what is underneath, but she covers her face with both hands which is a more obvious attempt to make herself invisible.
I might have a chance to talk about it further since the desk between hers and the blonde haired girl to the left of it was empty, but that attempt to make herself invisible could mean that she isn't that sociable, so I should put that to the back of my mind... for the foreseeable future... and even further than that.
I was going to go back to observing the rest of the class, but it comes to a sudden halt as the teacher finishes what he was saying.
"Please welcome our newest classmate", Mutou said as he leads a round of applause.
The applause lasts for just a few seconds, but the collective silence that follows tells me that I should start my self introduction.
"I'm Ryo Akemi", I said as I tried to think of something else to say "my hobbies are reading, art and photography. I hope that we can get along in the coming year".
I wasn't that much of an artist nor did I have that much of an interest in photography, but I had to say something other then 'my only hobby is reading' so it was a good compromise.
I do have other interests, but I'm certain that I wouldn't be making a good impression if I mentioned them.
My silence tells Mutou that I've finished with my introduction and takes over.
Some of the girls are throwing glances at me, but I'm not sure if that and the whispers are because of my height, my possibly unlikely eye colour or... because of the extra piece of cloth attached to the right sleeve of my shirt that covers the mess that is my right hand.
They might have been able to repair the damage to my right hand, but all the skin grafts make for an unholy mess alongside the scars that were left behind.
Mutou starts rambling on about getting along, and then directed me to my seat at the back of the class where I expected I would be.
When I took my seat, I found that there was another slight problem that I'd have to cope with for the whole of the day.
My original plan to get here early also included collecting my glasses from my room before coming to class, but the delay in getting here meant that I couldn't collect them.
It would only be a problem if any of the teachers used very small writing on the board, but I can easily compensate for that by closing my left eye.
As the morning lessons ambled on, I use some time to covertly observe the people who are sitting on either side of me.
The blonde haired girl on my right looked pretty much like any average girl, but as I went to look at the darked haired girl on my left I saw something I think I shouldn't have seen.
Parts of her right hand seemed to be covered with scars, but not like those on my right hand.
They look more like burn scars, and even though I'm not an expert on what different scars look like, I could guess that she has had them for longer than five years considering the small sample of what I thought was her personality.
It made me think that her unusual hairstyle was to cover more scars even though I couldn't see any when I was standing at the front of the class, and it made me realize that it might be bad to look at her directly or even talk to her since she might take it badly and would want to be somewhere else.

Time ticked onwards, and eventually the bell rang to signal the start of lunch.
I was at a loss as to where I should go, but then I remembered that I had something that could help and pulled out my phone.
One of the other things I'd been given before my departure was an app that showed me some of the more major locations on the school grounds.
When I'd found out where the cafeteria was, I picked up my bag and headed out of the classroom.
The route to the cafeteria was slightly longer then the route to the classroom, as it was one floor below the lobby area.
As I walked into the cafeteria, I was surprised by how spacious it was along with its modern look which didn't match up with the exterior of the building.
Once I'd gotten my food, I found myself an unoccupied area of the cafeteria to sit down and eat.
The food passed as barely edible since it was better then the slop that I had to shove down my throat when I was in the hospital, but the concentration I'd had on my food was broken by an assault on my ears.

"It was pretty rude, walking out of the classroom like that", a voice boomed into my left ear "we did try to get your attention".
I looked up from my food to find two slightly familiar figures standing on the opposite side of the table.
It was two of the girls from the second row that I hadn't been able to get a better look at during my introduction.
The quieter of the two looker really serious as she examined me from behind her glasses, but as I looked at the source of the noise I had to wonder if she'd dyed her hair in that bubblegum pink colour and styled it with those drills for a reason.
"If I'd heard you", I said "then I wouldn't have needed any help since I knew where I was going. If that is what you were calling me for".
The two of them placed their food down on the table, and then a flurry of gestures went between the two for a few seconds before anything was said.
"I guess we can accept that", the pink haired girl said "wahaha~".
That sudden outburst of laughter took me by surprise, and was probably another part of her personality.
"At least I know that I haven't offended the two of you", I said as I returned to my food.
"You're a new student", the pink haired girl said "so we're letting it slide this time".
So they started with accepting it, and then they went to letting it slide because I'm new.
The quieter of the two girls went into another flurry of gestures, which the louder one seemed to have a slight problem keeping up with.
"I was getting to that part Shicchan", the pink haired girl said "since you weren't told this in class Shicchan is the class representative, so~ if you need to know anything you only have to ask".
"Is that her actual name, or is it some kind of pet nickname", I asked.
The quieter of the two seemed to be getting annoyed at my question not getting an answer, so she pulled a notebook out of a pocket, wrote something in it and handed to me.

I'm Shizune Hakamichi the ever demanding class representative/student council president, and Misha is my... translator.

That would explain why Shizune has been silent the entire time, so I decided to say 'pleased to meet you' in sign language but I think I'd made a bit of a mess of it since I'd only learned a bit of JSL through certain websites.
"Wahaha~ that was funny Ricchan", Misha said "you were close, but not close enough".
As I get my head around what Misha had just said, the two of them exchange some more gestures.
"It looks like what you was trying to say got through", Misha said "Shiccan said that she's pleased to meet you too".
"There's something I need to ask", I said "why did you just call me Ricchan?"
"Because it sounds like you", Misha said "it's the closest I could get to your name... wahaha~".
Boy am I glad that I don't sit next to her, but then I pity the girl who does although this does mean that I've earned myself a silly nickname.
I just hope that I won't be hearing it that often.
The rest of lunch goes on without that much talking, but I was asked if there was anything else I needed to know which was when I told them that I did have some means of finding where I needed to go.
We finished lunch rather quickly (me more so since I'd started eating before Shizune and Misha had turned up) and headed back to the classroom.

The rest of the days lessons go on without any problems, but the desk to my left remained empty the whole time.
I had thought that the girl had caught me looking and didn't want to be around me, but since the teacher and the other students didn't say anything it could be that this is a regular occurrence.
It still didn't stop me from wondering if I'd had any involvement in this absence, and that I'd need to be careful if I ever do talk to her face to face.
The bell that signalled the end of the days lessons finally rang, and I knew that I had to go see the head nurse so I pulled out my phone to find out where I needed to head, but the information I got was rather vague and the map only covered the main school building and a few other areas.
It was just blind luck that my two lunch companions noticed that I was having a few problems.
"Having any problems", Misha asked.
"I have to check in with the head nurse", I said "and this is being rather vague about where I should go since it's only telling me to head for the auxiliary building without adding any further information".
Shizune took the phone off me and looked things over with the same serious look she had, and after pressing a few buttons she handed it back to me and let rip with another flurry of gestures.
"Whoever coded this set the defaults to the major areas like the school building and dorms", Misha said "so~ I've now changed it to show you everything within the school grounds".
Which it was, as it now showed me how to get from the main entrance/exit of the school building to the auxiliary building along with where I should go once I got there.
I was pretty good at memorising routes, so the phone went back into my pocket as I departed the classroom.

The walk from the school building to the auxiliary building was rather peaceful, as was the inside of the auxiliary building while I was heading up to the first floor looking for the head nurses' office.
It didn't take me that long as the door in question wasn't that far from the stairs.
I knocked on the door, and after hearing a muffled voice that I think was telling me to come in, I opened the door.
The head nurses' office looked like any kind of nurses' office I'd seen in any school... if I'd been to enough schools to make a comparison, but the man sitting at the desk did look more like a doctor then a nurse with that lab coat he's wearing.
"How may I help you", the 'nurse' asked.
"I'm Ryo Akemi", I said "I was supposed to report in this morning, but I was... delayed".
"I didn't expect to be getting a call from customs this morning", the nurse said after a frown appeared on his face "but I managed to clear everything up without breaking patient confidentiality".
"That would explain why I was allowed to leave after that", I said.
"It gave enough time to look over your file", the nurse said as the frown disappeared "even though I wasn't sure if the records had been mixed up with someone else’s".
"That's to be expected", I said "since those records were from before I changed my name".
That was the one thing that couldn't be changed, but with a bit of legal help all the available copies of my medical records were gathered with any unnecessary copies being destroyed leaving only the one complete set of notes that the nurse at this school has.
"We'll just have to work around it", the nurse said "I'll get them out and then check everything over".
The nurse pulled one file from a stack and looks through it, as I pre-empt what he was going to say and removed the shoe and sock from my right leg, pulled up the trouser leg and then undid my shirt enough to remove the 'ring' from my index finger that held the addition in place.
Once the nurse had finished going over my records, he noticed that I'd already done what he was about to ask and went about with the next part of the checkup.
One thing he did do was to run a pen up and down the bottom of my foot, which didn't impress me that much.
"It doesn't matter how many times you do that", I said "I wouldn't be able to feel anything".
"I was just making sure", the nurse said "there could be a chance that things could go back to normal".
"It's been like this since the accident", I said "and the doctors said that the feeling wouldn't come back even though the nerve was only damaged and not severed".
"That was a good thing", the nurse said "but I'm wondering why you cover up your right hand?"
"There's a girl in my class that has her hair set up in a way that covers up most of the right side of her face", I said "I'm not sure what it's covering, but I'm certain that it's something similar".
"There is one other thing", the nurse said as he left his seat, walked over to one of the storage cupboards and brought back a box "considering how fragile your leg is, I think that you'd need these in case it starts bleeding".
"The doctors said that the repair on my leg wouldn't last a year", I said "but I've managed to keep things intact for a lot longer then that".
I quickly emptied the box of sterile dressing packs and placed them into my bag.
"Before I forget", the nurse said "your records don't have a next of kin, and since only your parents were involved in the accident then there must be someone else that can give orders if you're not able to".
"All the relatives on my fathers side are already dead", I said "and after what was done to my mother, I'd rather have them burn in hell since they must've thrown a party when my mother died".
"We still need someone to do this", the nurse said.
"Then I'll put your name down", I said "but I'll have to run this past my solicitor once I get in contact with them".
"I'll put that on hold until you've got it sorted out", the nurse said "do you have any interests that might cause any problems?"
"I had to give them all up after this happened", I said "I can't really do any sports things since it could cause the leg to start bleeding, and I'm not sure if there's anything else I can do".
"Lets take things one day at a time", the nurse said as he finished checking my right hand "that's all I need you for since you probably want to head for your room now".
I put the sock and shoe back on, pulled the trouser leg back down, put the right hand cover back in place and left the room.
Thus ended my first medical examination at this school.

As I managed to get a look at what I thought were the dormitory buildings on my way to the school building, and since most of the students seem to be walking in that direction, I decided to make my way in that direction as well since I needed to get some rest more then I needed to get something to eat.
The two buildings that made up the boys' and girls' dormitories looked too big to be what they were there for, but then some rooms might be bigger then others since I was told that I would be getting a larger then normal room.
When I walked into the boys' dorm building it was even clearer what this school was about as the corridors were wider then usual to accommodate wheelchairs.
I decided not to hang around and headed up to my room, but as I reached the first floor my ears were assaulted by what I could only describe as someone ranting about something.
"We need to stop those feminist bitches before they have a chance to strike", the voice said "who's with me".
As I looked around, I saw a few students making hasty exits down certain corridors, but the source of the voice seemed to have seen my figure standing still and started walking towards me.
I thought it was more my figure he'd seen then actually seeing me properly since he was wearing glasses with very thick lenses.
He looked to be really quick on his feet considering his limited sight, and he was standing next to me in the blink of an eye.
"You know what I'm talking about", he said "we have to form an army in secret to fight back".
"Then why are you saying that out here", I said "they have spies everywhere, as well as snipers".
I really didn't want to get involved with this person, but I thought that mucking about with his head would be enough to get him out of my hair a bit quicker then if I didn't.
"I've already checked everywhere for spies and bugs", he said "and there's no way that snipers can get me in here".
"That's what you think", I said "when it comes to technology, they're holding all the cards. I should know since my mother knew, and she along with my father were killed because she betrayed them while I had to change my identity and come here to get away from them".
"You can't be serious", he said "I'm certain we'd have heard about that if they had those kinds of things".
"I'm deadly serious", I said "they've got surveillance devices that are invisible to the naked eye, and you could touch one and you wouldn't know since your hand would pass right through it. As for their snipers, they have scopes that can see through walls and more while they have bullets that can pass through six centimetres of lead like a hot knife through butter, and even then they have the technology to take the bullet from the end of the barrel to either the side of your head or inside your head instantly, so you could be doing nothing and then you'd be on the floor with blood and brain matter spread across the wall and you wouldn't know what had hit you".
I think most of what I'd said had hit him badly since he went rather pale when I mentioned what their snipers had in the way of available equipment, which was complete and utter bollocks, but I wasn't going to tell him that.
"Thanks for the intel", he said "it looks like I've severely underestimated them, so I'll have to go back to my bunker and rethink my strategy".
"I'd suggest you stay away from me, I said as the other person walked away "you might live longer that way".
He raised his arm once I said that, and within a few seconds he was gone.

I just hoped that would keep him away from me for the foreseeable future, but I was interrupted by someone else who had just gotten to the first floor.
"That certainly sounded entertaining", the voice said "I never knew that someone would take Setou on at his game and come out on top".
Turning in the direction of the voice, I found the source to be a person of average height (although he's slightly taller then the person I wanted to get rid of) with dark glasses and a cane which looks like it's more for navigation then support.
"Has he always been like this", I asked.
"Setou was a pretty normal guy", he said "until late last year when he started going on about this feminist conspiracy and rarely came to class... well I only heard him some of the time".
He suddenly remembered something he was probably going to say in situations like this when you're talking to someone you don't know.
"I should introduce myself", he said "I'm Susumu Tsukumo and I reside in room 223. It's a pleasure to meet you".
I just have to wonder if he has the number 99 sewn into the back of his shirts and had a fascination with outdated forms of measurement, but I shouldn't be thinking too much into what I've watched.
"I'm Ryo Akemi, I'm in room 225", I said "and I just started here today".
"So you must be what all that noise in the room opposite was about", Susumu said "and I thought that only those that had social issues or those who were able to request a larger room".
"They probably had to move a lot in", I said "and they did say that I was going to get a larger room, so it would have been a request".
"We should head for our rooms", Susumu said "the other two rooms are empty and there's a rather large bathroom at the end of the corridor... at least I think that it's rather large".
He turns to head for the second floor and I follow behind since we're heading the same way, but as we get to the second floor another question seems to surface.
"Was everything you told Setou a complete lie", Susumu asked.
"All except for my parents being dead", I said "it's the only reason why I'm here. I'm not even sure how much their life insurance policies are, but some of it has been put towards my coming here with another chunk being for my living expenses and a few other things".
Nothing else was said until we started walking down one of the dead ending corridors, and I only figured out that we'd reached our destination when I noticed that one of the doors we were near had the number 225 next to it with my last name written beneath it.
As Susumu dug through one of the pockets in his trousers looking for his key, I did the same and I think we got our keys out at about the same time as I heard another key going into a lock a few seconds after I'd put my key into the lock of my door.

The first thing I noticed as I opened the door was the size of the room as it was larger then I'd expected, but when the door closed, I placed my bag on the first available flat surface, took off my uniform, pulled some jogging pants and a t-shirt out of one of the drawers and put them on.
There wasn't any need to cover up my right hand since I could put it behind my back, and that wouldn't be necessary if Susumu decided to come over since he wouldn't be able to see it.
As I took another look around the room, I found a DVD case on the desk which disappointed me since I knew that it contained a dark chapter of my life that I never wanted to see again.
I did say that I wanted it gotten rid of, but they didn't listen and I didn't want to dispose of it anywhere around here, so I went through the drawers to find one containing clothes that I wouldn't be wearing for a while and stuffed the case at the bottom of the drawer.
Once I'd done that, I knew that I should get something to eat, but I didn't need to head for the cafeteria since I seem to have a lot of food in the various storage areas, so I grabbed a few microwaveable items out and sat down to eat them once they'd finished their time in the microwave.
Time seemed to go by a little more quickly as I was eating since it had started to get dark once I'd finished, but as I went to clean the plate, I noticed something on the desk I'd missed before since I was focusing on the DVD case.
On the desk was a book, some keys, a few sheets of paper with stuff written on them and a business card.
The book was actually a bank book, and from the looks of it there was a lot of money already deposited, so I should go and withdraw some when I have an opportunity.
Once I picked up the keys, the sheets of paper beneath them told me where I would be living after I'd finished my schooling here.
The business card seemed to be from the local office of the same legal firm that helped me get out here, with the name Akira Satou written on it which told me that this is the person I should be contacting for all things legal.
I should get in touch since I have to sort out that next of kin thing the nurse was talking about, but I needed to get some sleep since I still hadn't caught up even though I'd had some sleep on the flight here.
With that plan set, I got changed into my pyjamas and headed to bed.

To face an uncertain tomorrow.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Oookay...
About a dozen present tenses slipped in, "then" and "than" are mixed up a few times, and I'm not really sure which injury would cause a limb to bleed easily...

Thats not what worries me, though...

What worries me is that I already see the markings of another Gary Stu:
Your OC shows remarkable powers of observation, almost perfectly characterizing his classmates at a glance, needs help from noone, beats Kenji at his own game at their first meeting, talks nonchalantly about the death of his parents...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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demonix
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by demonix »

I don't think I'll ever get the hang of those tenses, and I've left some minor hints as to what happened to his leg in the first two chapters and I'll be letting the cat out of the bag ever so slightly as to the whole story behind his injuries throughout the story.

As for your other concerns, that analysis of Hanako was slightly done on purpose since she acts completely differently to what he expects she would, he does accept help from Shizune when he has problems getting to the nurses office even though it might not come across like that, that bit with Kenji was just to keep him generally out of the story (he decided to use his parents death and his move along with the name change as a weapon to get rid of him so he could get to his room in peace) and since Susumu had heard and asked about what had been said, he answered honestly whilst only giving minimal information which is why there's no further conversation after that has been said.

I also missed out one thing as I've based Ryo's eye colour and eyesight on my own eye colour and eyesight (green/grey eyes (so I've been told and I think that's about right) and my eyesight is imbalanced with my right eye being better then my left).
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

that bit with Kenji was just to keep him generally out of the story
If you want to keep him out of the story, why did you include him in the first place? Kenji is the easiest character to keep out of a story since he almost never comes out of his room anyway.
I've based Ryo's eye colour and eyesight on my own eye colour and eyesight (green/grey eyes (so I've been told and I think that's about right) and my eyesight is imbalanced with my right eye being better then my left).
Now, I'm no ophtalmologist, but that sounds like a case of "correlation doesn't mean causation" to me. I don't think there's a reason why grey eyes should have better vision then green ones (or vice versa). ...though statistics regarding eyesight and eye colour would certainly be interesting...
Well, there's no reason why your OC shouldn't have imbalanced eyesight anyway.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
Zaknafein
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by Zaknafein »

Now, I'm no ophtalmologist, but that sounds like a case of "correlation doesn't mean causation" to me. I don't think there's a reason why grey eyes should have better vision then green ones (or vice versa). ...though statistics regarding eyesight and eye colour would certainly be interesting...
Well, there's no reason why your OC shouldn't have imbalanced eyesight anyway.
I don't think he meant correlation between eye color and vision. What I got out of that was that the character has green/grey eyes (not heterochromia, but a greyish green, which would be unusual in Japan), and that his vision is imbalanced.
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demonix
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by demonix »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
that bit with Kenji was just to keep him generally out of the story
If you want to keep him out of the story, why did you include him in the first place? Kenji is the easiest character to keep out of a story since he almost never comes out of his room anyway.
I did want at least one major scene with Kenji in and the beginning of the story seemed to be a good place to put it since it gave me an opportunity to introduce another character.
Zaknafein wrote:
Now, I'm no ophtalmologist, but that sounds like a case of "correlation doesn't mean causation" to me. I don't think there's a reason why grey eyes should have better vision then green ones (or vice versa). ...though statistics regarding eyesight and eye colour would certainly be interesting...
Well, there's no reason why your OC shouldn't have imbalanced eyesight anyway.
I don't think he meant correlation between eye color and vision. What I got out of that was that the character has green/grey eyes (not heterochromia, but a greyish green, which would be unusual in Japan), and that his vision is imbalanced.
You win the grand prize.

What Zaknafein has said is correct about the eye colouring, and to clarify the sight issue (since I'm basing it on my own) he would've had only a minor imbalance to begin with (the only visible difference being on how text looks when wearing glasses which would be unnecessary at the time) and then got worse over the time it took to start studying to get into Yamaku as a third year student and his departure with it being worse in his left eye because of the original imbalance (if I were to look at the text as I was replying to this without my glasses on and closed each eye in turn, the text would be less readable while using my left eye then my right and my ability to read smaller text would get worse the further away I am from the source).
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Oddball
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by Oddball »

You steal a bit too much from the game, but I've seen worse, so I'll let it go for now.
My original plan to get here early also included collecting my glasses from my room before coming to class, but the delay in getting here meant that I couldn't collect them.
Why was he traveling without his glasses?
"It was pretty rude, walking out of the classroom like that", a voice boomed into my left ear "we did try to get your attention".
*snip*
"If I'd heard you", I said "then I wouldn't have needed any help since I knew where I was going. If that is what you were calling me for".
Well that response is even ruder than just walking out.
That was the one thing that couldn't be changed, but with a bit of legal help all the available copies of my medical records were gathered with any unnecessary copies being destroyed leaving only the one complete set of notes that the nurse at this school has.
He is a secret agent, isn't he? Admit it!


Also, I'm wondering why this guy just doesn't buy some gloves if hes some worried about his hand showing and why he's so casual about his parents being dead.

I have a bad feeling about this guy. He's got a secret mysterious past and manages to handle everyone he meets with utter ease, even in the conversation with the Nurse, he seems to take the lead.

In your other story, I asked you what flaws your character had. You told me you hadn't thought up any. I'm urging you this time to sit down and think up some for this guy, as well as at least one or two instances where he tries to do something and utterly fails at it. it's his own fault he fails and he feels bad about it. Trust me. People will like your story better if you do.
Not Dead Yet
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demonix
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by demonix »

Even though I did take some material from the game a majority of the scripting was heavily modified to try to keep the originality quota up (although there'll be some parts in the next chapter that come from the game but will be modified so that only the encounters and a small part of the script come from the game).

Broken record, but I have based his vision abilities on my own and I only use my glasses when I'm on either of my computers or playing games (on TV not on portable systems) and I don't use them when I'm out and about, so he decided to have his glasses sent with the rest of his stuff since he planned on getting to Yamaku before classes started, but because of the time taken from getting off the plane and reaching arrivals he couldn't collect his glasses from his room.

You have to remember that he hadn't had much sleep, so he might come across as a bit cranky were in this case it would count as he was concentrating on eating when his ears were assaulted by Misha's voice (and Shizune did consider that his response wasn't meant to come out that way which is why she decided to let it slide).

The addition to his shirts was his decision to make things a bit easier (and a glove could cause sweating in warmer weather), but it'll be discarded later on and as I said in my second story I suck at indicating vocal changes so his voice could've changed and you'd never know.

I'm keeping his past under wraps for the time being although some elements will come out over time although one small piece has already come to light (what do you think the DVD he put away contains) and there's still the reason why his mother left Japan along with why he was never taught Japanese (a little sample of why is in chapter two while the truth will come in a few chapters time).

When I get an idea for a new story, I normally have the main character down along with some parts of the story (normally some of the beginning along with a latter part of the story) but I think I might have put in a character fault without knowing it (it should show in the next chapter) and it should end somewhat in a failure.
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griffon8
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Re: A New Life (Tentative Title)

Post by griffon8 »

Oh yeah, about that DVD. It's really, really easy to make it impossible for a DVD to be read, so if he actually wanted to get rid of it, he could with no worry about anyone finding out what's on it. Keeping it is just asking for someone to find out what's on it.

But then, probably 50–90% of your hero's perceived problems would be gone, so that's boring.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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