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Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 11:44 am
by HoneyBakedHam
I thought the blinking thumps were a good idea (seeing as heart attacks can be really scary, especially for teenagers) so it makes it really dramatic, but I can see the counterpoints against them, too.

And I had always tried to imagine what this Iwanako looked like, thank God you posted the image of where you got the uniform design from because I had trouble picturing it.

I'm surprised no one had gotten the urge to draw fan art for it. Had I been good at visual art (and not musical art), I'd give it a shot.

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:03 pm
by Leaty
(deadfic)

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:08 pm
by HoneyBakedHam
Maybe get a tattoo of Iwanako and use that? XD

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:15 pm
by TheHivemind
Glad to see this is still going. Not that there was ever any doubt.

Spider-Gwen rules (I assume you saw the group that recorded a version of The Mary Janes' "Face it Tiger," right? Because that was BAD AS HELL. LISTEN TO THE FUZZY GUITARS AND BOW BEFORE THEM. Yes, bow. That alone makes her cooler than Peter Parker ever could be, if you ask me (although I'll confess I've not read Amazing Spider-Man in like... a long time. Maybe close to a decade at this point? I liked Ultimate Spider-Man better).

I like that Iwanako can't seem to help herself from stumbling into situations that she wasn't meant for--the aforementioned 'Hisao-shaped hole' is pretty accurate. Hisao was crafted for this situation, quite literally created to fit in and get his swerve on with some ladies (or I guess crater in the ground near the main building, a different sort of Hisao-shaped hole). The fallout from the Ibarazaki collision continues apace, but at least there was a brief moment of relaxation.

I guess I'm going to wind up commenting here regularly, or at least when there are new updates to read. Very interested to see how a festival unfettered by the need to inform the reader which girl he's going to wind up boning plays out.

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 10:22 pm
by Leaty
(deadfic)

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:12 am
by TheHivemind
Leaty wrote:I've had it on one of my YouTube playlists for a while now. Especially when you compare it to that unbearably awful Nickelback theme song Tobey Spidey had in the first movie, like... I no longer see why Spider-Man needs to exist.
YOU MEAN THIS UNBEARABLY AWFUL NICKLEBACK THEME SONG? Oh Chad Kroeger, you couldn't possibly have a douchier name if you tried. I mean, Chad. Chad's the sort of name of the kid who tells you his dad's the dean. Christ. Parents, don't name your kid Chad. You're basically giving him carte blanche to grow up listening to Nickleback. SIDEBAR, BECAUSE THIS JUST HAPPENED: I fucking hate Youtube's goddamn autoplay they've implemented. Jesus, I don't want to hear some fucking youtuber talk over footage from a Spider-man video game, I wanted to just listen to the goddamn Mary Janes song again, I wasn't asking you to fucking serve up whatever the fuck your busted-ass algorithms think I'd be interested in. Christ, I hate the future.

In all honesty, I was one of the old angry nerds about One More Day who quit the series then, and never really got back into it--the whole reboot thing might motivate me to check it out, but there's been so much interesting shit coming out of Marvel that I dunno that I really need to go back to it? Then again, there's no more Fraction-penned Hawkeye anymore, so I guess I should replace that with something.
I've given a lot of thought to the "Hisao-shaped hole". I've always felt that, from a Watsonian perspective, it was really serendipitous that a guy like him, of all people, would be the one to discover a heart condition. Because, like, the narrative as it stands basically tells us that Hisao experienced no problems whatsoever between his birth and the snow confession, and turned out well-adjusted. He was a saltine cracker, and then the heart attack happened and he became a saltine cracker with a gooey dollop of pathos on top.

Seriously, what are the odds of that? That somebody with a disability would go so long without, like, enduring child abuse or getting bullied or having schizophrenia or something? I think a lot about how weird and kinda-sorta alien it is that all of Hisao's baggage is still brand-spanking-new at the start of the story. I mean, when I was eighteen I was already pretty much a baggage elemental. If I'd discovered I had arrhythmia... I would not act like Hisao, let's put it that way.
The saltine cracker-like nature of Hisao is, as I'm sure the other writers/devs have mentioned before (loudly and at length) one of the weakest parts of KS (and really kind of the problem with making a "traditional" VN). You need a character that is kind of like a cipher so the player/reader/whatever can more easily insert themselves into the narrative--or at least that was the thinking at the time. Treating the project as we did, it kind of made sense to not give Hisao a lot of old baggage--presumably he wasn't that outgoing to begin with, since all his friends desert him post-heart attack, and we could have delved into that a bit but we didn't--and while there are a few lines where Hisao seems aware he's a bit of a blank slate, those are more our own winking acknowledgements of the genre and its failings than real trouble. The standard MO for any game, VNs included, is to make the player feel like the rest of the game centers around them, and so every situation Hisao wanders into is tailor made for his particular brand of bland. It's something you probably wouldn't see any of us do now, were we to create another VN, but then again when you have multiple writers all trying not to step on one another's toes with the protagonist, you're going to wind up with a Hisao. A straight-up story isn't bound by that, certainly not one with a single author--and really games shouldn't be beholden to that nonsense either, but old habits die hard, I suppose...

Stuff like this always makes me think I should really make the effort to actually put up fiction for public consumption again, because the sort of dialogue sparked by stories is always invigorating, but with no deadlines imposed upon myself (and also I mean I don't have a forum set up to discuss the latest word vomit washed up on the shores of my tumblr, and I doubt I'd really want to), I am unfortunately free to continue the process of scrapping, rewriting, scrapping, rewriting, scrapping, getting a new idea, writing, scrapping, rewriting... Don't be like me, is the lesson I would impart to you and anyone else reading this. Eventually you gotta kick that baby out of the nest and hope that it was a bird and not like a human baby, because those cannot fly.

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 8:04 am
by brythain
Leaty-avatar (Madeleine) fans, 'The Royal Path' just appeared on Steam at 15% off. :)

I'm sorry. It's just that since I entered these forums, I've always thought of Leaty and Iwanako and Madeleine all in one. It must be an associative disorder, I suppose.

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 10:43 am
by ilikepie
Leaty wrote:([Hisao's] basically an Eevee—he evolves into a different final form depending on what stone girl he winds up with.)
I absolutely love this analogy. :lol:

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:57 am
by griffon8
Well, here’s a surprise. All this time with no contact, and you go ahead and post a whole chapter.

Normally I give my reaction in comments on the google doc. After reading everyone else’s comments, there’s a lot less to say, because I agree with so much of it.
Leaty wrote:Are they actually friends? How friends many does Ibarazaki have?
To quote Mirage, word order…

I find it humorous that the ‘Next Chapter’ button points to Developments.

As to avatars, I actually caught the Spider-Gwen one and noticed you changed it already. Not that I knew who Spider-Gwen was, just that I knew it had to be Gwen Stacy with a spider motif.
TheHivemind wrote:In all honesty, I was one of the old angry nerds about One More Day who quit the series then, and never really got back into it--the whole reboot thing might motivate me to check it out, but there's been so much interesting shit coming out of Marvel that I dunno that I really need to go back to it?
Same here. My reaction to Brand New Day was, “Didn’t I read these stories 20 years ago?” Perfectly good stories, just that I’ve already read them.

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:20 pm
by Leaty
(deadfic)

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:24 pm
by brythain
Leaty wrote:I'm not sure why I typed up all my ruminations on this. I have no idea if they're interesting and I suspect I've continued the ongoing trend of shitting up my own thread. If so, um... Sorry?
Nothing to be sorry for. I enjoy these literate meanderings very much. It's like being on grass for the sake of improving your mind... oh no, did it again. :)

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 8:58 pm
by emmjay
Leaty wrote:Plus, like, Madeleine Valois is basically Peggy Carter as a ninja/bodyguard/handmaiden in fantasy feudal Eurasia, and that's basically the coolest thing ever...
And with that description, The Royal Trap just made my (already too long) to-play list. (Peggy Carter is awesomeness in high heels.)

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 9:26 pm
by YOTC
This story is well written and has unique takes on some of the characters. Keep up the good work.

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 9:58 pm
by Leaty
(deadfic)

Re: Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 4:42 am
by Blank Mage
I approve, although given the vastness of the youtube music scene, I'm surprised you're sticking with vanilla KS soundtrack. I suppose you'd want a thing that loops. I considered doing something similar, given my proclivity for finding incredible non-vocal Touhou themes and anime soundtracks, but adding them for a story taken from Shizune's PoV would be completely backwards.

(Those links would all be to the Kara no Kyoukai OST if I could find the tracks I wanted. I might upload a playlist myself, if only to link it in future posts.(I also really need to stop plugging things I enjoy before someone yells at me. ON TOPIC, I SWEAR.))