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The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:33 pm
by griffon8
Okay, I wanted to get far enough ahead that I felt confident I could get the story where I wanted, so here's the beginning of a new story.

Thanks to Mirage_GSM and Leotrak for giving it a look.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2 Now with shimmie art!
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 Now with shimmie art!
Chapter 5
Chapter 6 Now with shimmie art!
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Epilogue Now with shimmie art!


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Prologue


Three Months Ago:

Diary Entry for 2007-06-04

There was a new student in class today—a boy. He introduced himself as Hisao Nakai. Misha and I talked about him joining the Student Council; having an extra pair of hands this week would be a big help with the festival. Besides, he’s cute.

At the end of classes, Misha and I had to get back to festival work, so we weren’t able to show Hisao around like we offered earlier. We were able to direct him to the Nurse’s Office though. Perhaps a little more persuasion tomorrow will get him to join the Student Council.


Diary Entry for 2007-06-05

Misha and I really pressed Hisao to join the Student Council today. He said he’d get back to us about it. I suppose it is a large undertaking when you’re a new student, so we told him it would be fine to think about it.

We even got a game of Risk out of him. It’s been too long since I last played. He made a real good go of it too.

I just wish he hadn’t looked at that Ikezawa girl when she was leaving the classroom. Could he be interested in her? I wouldn’t have thought the shy, retiring type would be attractive to him.


Diary Entry for 2007-06-06

We didn’t bother Hisao about joining the Student Council too much this morning. I knew he wouldn’t have made a decision about it overnight. But then he disappeared at lunch time. Just as we left for the Shanghai, we saw Hisao with Satou, Ikezawa, and the Ibarazaki menace. She probably ran into someone again; she had her athletic clothes on.

When Misha told me that Hisao was getting the supplies we needed for the booths, I thought maybe we could still get him to join the Student Council. We’ll see about it tomorrow for sure.


Diary Entry for 2007-06-07

Argh!

I am so mad I can’t even think.

When cornering Satou about her late budget report, Hisao took her side and completely snubbed me.

Well that’s that. I’m angry, but there’s no point in staying angry about it. Besides, there’s too much work to do for the festival.

When Ikezawa returned at the end of classes and asked after Satou, Hisao went out of his way to comfort Ikezawa and left with her. That girl needs to grow some backbone. Nobody cares about her scars. Sure, people will look at them, but they’ll get used to them and then they won’t matter anymore.


Diary Entry for 2007-06-10

First entry since Thursday, as I’ve been too busy with festival preparations. With just Misha and me, we didn’t have time for anything else.

But today is the festival. Today the work is done, and we can just enjoy the festival. It’s said that if the manager of an event does their job correctly, then during the event there is no work to do. We seem to have pulled that off.

It’s such a relief to be done. Looking back at the last week, I realized I’ve been very ill tempered. And I shouldn’t have pressed Satou so hard; it’s embarrassing now to think of what Hisao must have thought of that display.

While Misha and I had fun playing the games, I can’t help but wonder if they would have been more fun if Hisao had joined us.



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Chapter 1

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:41 pm
by Jaden82
I am highly intrigued by this. :) I was just taking a break between classes and thought I'd check the forums. Yay for another Shizune story! Looking forward to more chapters.

I like the idea of a stubborn and seemingly selfish character like Shizune actually reflecting on her previous actions in one way or another.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:58 pm
by Ar Grathnos
AAAH PROLOGUE! When by themselves, they are my bane...

This is interesting. If the devs wrote her like this in the full game, I'd have to re-evaluate my opinion of her...

Looking forward to the next chapters! :mrgreen:

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 2:12 pm
by scott1and
Pretty good so far, wonder if you'll do the whole story as diary entries or just the prologue, either way it was still a good read. Can't wait for the rest :mrgreen:

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 3:02 pm
by A1phaDrag0n
An interesting line of thought to follow indeed :)

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Chapter 1)

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 3:43 pm
by griffon8
scott1and wrote:Pretty good so far, wonder if you'll do the whole story as diary entries or just the prologue, either way it was still a good read.
Just the Prologue.

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Chapter 1


Twenty Minutes Ago:

How did this happen? How could I have fallen so hard for this girl? This girl.

And how did I come to agree to such a ridiculous game? It’s difficult enough without adding extra rules to it.

Thinking back to the beginning, it’s strange to realize how much bullying has changed my life.


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Two Months Ago:

Bullying was not something I was used to dealing with at Yamaku. That didn’t mean that it didn’t exist here.

Most of the bullying is social in nature with ‘cliques’. Occasionally there was the more traditional teasing and verbal abuse. I’d never encountered physical bullying here; everyone was aware that a potential victim could be too weak and could die.

And most of the bullying that wasn’t of a social nature was done by the First Years. That’s exactly what Misha and I came across while leaving the Student Council room a few weeks after the festival.

Misha let me know the nature of the comments being shouted out by a group of students down the hall. Their victim had apparently locked himself in the Music Room. The tormentors were yelling epithets of ‘circus freak’ and ‘elephant man’ through the door.

Misha didn’t like bullying anymore than I did and grabbed two of the miscreants. The third was obviously cowed by her display and went off to see the principal with the rest. I went to check on their victim.

Whoever was hiding in the Music Room wasn’t blocking the door anymore, as it opened easily for me. The lights were off, but there was enough light coming in through the windows to see that nobody was visible in the room.

Not being able to depend on auditory clues, I had to resort to hunting down whoever was in here. It quickly became apparent that nobody was in the main room, which left one of the storage closets off to one side. The first and second ones were locked; while that didn’t mean that nobody could be in them, it did mean that it would take longer to investigate them. The third one yielded to my efforts to open the door.

In the dim light of the closet, it was difficult to make out the figure inside. She, as it turned out, was trying her best to hide behind a stack of folding chairs. I came around the stack and looked to see who it was.

There was no mistaking that long, dark hair: It was Ikezawa.

She had her legs bent so that her head was buried in her lap as she sat on the floor. With her arms wrapped around her knees, her face was completely hidden. She even kept her right hand covered so an observer couldn’t see the scars there.

I have no idea if she said anything as I kneeled on the floor in front of her; surely she knew someone had come in the closet and found her. I let her sit and cry for a few minutes.

At last she raised her head and looked at me. She was obviously startled to find me looking at her, as she recoiled slightly. But I know she saw only sympathy in my face; this was no time for old feuds.

Ikezawa put her head back down, and I took out a pad of paper and a pen to write a note for her: When you’re feeling better, we can go to the Principal’s Office and make a complaint about those boys. Misha has already taken them there.

When Ikezawa eventually looked at what I had written, she vehemently shook her head.

You don’t want to make a report of this? That won’t stop them from doing this again. We can keep the incident off the record if you like, but nothing will happen if you don’t say anything about it; you’re the only one who can make a complaint stick.

She looked again and seemed to think about it. For a long moment she just sat there reading it. She kept glancing from the note to me. Finally, she motioned for the paper and pen.

Do I have to do that right now? she wrote, using excellent penmanship.

No, it can wait. Misha will take the students’ names, and this can all be handled tomorrow. Is that what you’d like to do?

Ikezawa looked at me. She must have seen in my face that I did care about this, as she nodded almost as emphatically as she had previously shaken her head.

I’ll let Misha know what we’re going to do.

I started to stand up at that point, but she reached out and grabbed my hand, imploring me not to go. I sat back down and pulled out my cell phone.

I wasn’t going to leave yet; I’m going to text her, I wrote.

Understanding, she nodded her head again.

I opened my phone and composed my message. Found Ikezawa. She will make a report tomorrow. Make sure you get their names. I showed the message to Ikezawa before sending it. She nodded her approval and off it went.

And then?

I couldn’t just leave her. I moved to a more comfortable sitting position and left the pen and paper available if Ikezawa wanted to talk.


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Now:

Well, I have the first move, so I’d better get on with it.

Code: Select all

1   e4     c5
2   Nf3    Nc6
3   d4     cxd4
4   Nxd4
First blood to her, but I capture the pawn in return. Now if she takes my Knight, I’ll have to bring out my Queen early or risk getting forked.


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Prologue Chapter 2

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 5:43 pm
by Ar Grathnos
Hm, this is taking an unexpected turn... OR IS IT!?

I'm interested to see where you're going with this, but all signs seem to be pointing to Hanako. If that is truely the case, I might just bail out. You can blame my sister for making homosexual relationships impossible for me to take seriously. I had such great hopes for this story too... :(

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 5:46 pm
by bradpara
Intresting, Shizune/Hanako is a ship I would have never thought of, and those are my two favorites.

Keep it coming brother.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 5:47 pm
by griffon8
Ah. Sorry to burst your bubble, Ar.

And bradpara: The unlikeliness of it was what made me wonder how to make it happen. :mrgreen:

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 5:55 pm
by Jaden82
While I'd have never expected this pairing, I'm interested in seeing how this goes. Keep the chapters coming!

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 8:12 pm
by bradpara
griffon8 wrote:Ah. Sorry to burst your bubble, Ar.

And bradpara: The unlikeliness of it was what made me wonder how to make it happen. :mrgreen:
Cool, you know it is a painfull thing having those two as for favs. Not matter what you choose in Lunch Evoloution Theory, you feel like a bastard.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 8:36 pm
by griffon8
I don't have a problem with it. That's why there are multiple play-throughs. :D

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 9:33 pm
by traitor
come on guys, a girl making friends with another girl doesn't make her lesbian. A simple friendship story is cute too.
Great direction OP, can't wait for the later chapters.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 9:40 pm
by Ar Grathnos
traitor wrote:come on guys, a girl making friends with another girl doesn't make her lesbian. A simple friendship story is cute too.
Great direction OP, can't wait for the later chapters.
Somehow, I have no confidence in this community to keep it a simple friendship story. Particularly from this line, though;
griffon8 wrote: How did this happen? How could I have fallen so hard for this girl? This girl.
That implies a little more than friendship, but we'll see where this takes us.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing

Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 9:53 pm
by A1phaDrag0n
I hope you continue it, sure I've a bias on board in my tastes but besides that, the story is still interesting :lol: