Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

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Peorth
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Re: Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

Post by Peorth »

So Emi's dealing with phantom limb pain, huh?
Poor girl.
Those dizzy spells our main man is having are concerning as well, I wonder why Emi ended the phone call like she did, guess I'll have to keep reading to find out ;)

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Re: Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

Post by ShizuneFan2019 »

Great to see an update! As I mentioned before, I find your handling of the reunion pretty interesting. Please kindly allow me to reference your work in mine, especially on the BY high school friends part.

Edit: Potential error in the Karaoke picture. There should be 3 boys (Shin, Takumi, Hisao) and 3 girls (Mai, Kai, 'Nako). But there are 4 girls in the photo. Also the positions don't match. The description says, "I take a seat at the end of the bench on the far side next to Mai. Next to her is Fushiharu, and with enough space for the other two is a gap with Shin on the other side." So, before 'Nako and Takumi went back to their seats the order should be: Shin, x, x, Kai, Mai, Hisao, next to the EXIT. After Hisao and Kai go to the stage, the order should now be: Shin, Takumi, 'Nako, x, Mai, x. Now let's say 'Nako took Hisao's original seat (i.e. Shin, Takumi, x, x, Mai, 'Nako), then it also doesn't make sense as you said "Kai is smaller than Iwanako, who herself was pretty short", so she shouldn't be taller than Mai as the picture illustrates. (However, in the Scene 3 photo, 'Nako looks to be almost taller than Hisao, so there's another potential inconsistency.)

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Re: Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

I really liked this chapter - or these three chapters?
Anyway a really nice flow of scenes with a good progression - and not a single mention of PTSD ;-)

Not even much to comment on:

“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by names I don’t recognize and can barely read.

Guy doesn't even recognize Elton John... Philistine!

...silences that used to hang over us when it was just him and Ime.

Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

Post by StealthyWolf »

Before I got to responding to the comments, I wanted to give an update on how the Scenes will look in the future. After some deliberating and bits of feedback I think it's in the best interest of everyone here that going forward I try to avoid larger posts such as Scene 4. As much as I enjoy larger Scenes, it means longer wait times between posts and makes it harder to find the time to read it in one go which can be frustrating. So going forward I will be posting Scenes in parts I'll call "chapters" The goal is to keep them relatively short compared to everything so far, but Ideally this'll mean less time between posts and a more readable experience for everyone. Thanks for reading and I hope to see you all in the next one as well!

hdkv wrote: Sun Mar 10, 2024 7:06 am

Oh, so maaaany things have changed since the last update! It's good to have some sense of stability and it was very good continuation of the story.

Moments of stability are definitely something that's been scarce for Hisao. Even when the stability comes with some... difficult conversations.

hdkv wrote: Sun Mar 10, 2024 7:06 am

I guess the real conflicts of the story are ahead of us, and I'm really worried for Emi.

:shock:

hdkv wrote: Sun Mar 10, 2024 7:06 am

Looking forward for the next chapter, thank you!

Glad to see you enjoyed the newest Scene! Hope you're ready for what's to come next.

Peorth wrote: Mon Mar 11, 2024 10:12 pm

So Emi's dealing with phantom limb pain, huh?
Poor girl.
Those dizzy spells our main man is having are concerning as well, I wonder why Emi ended the phone call like she did, guess I'll have to keep reading to find out ;)

Phantom limb pain seems like actual hell to have to deal with. As for everything else, well I'll just agree that you'll indeed have to keep reading :wink:. Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed!

ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Wed Mar 13, 2024 2:08 am

Great to see an update! As I mentioned before, I find your handling of the reunion pretty interesting. Please kindly allow me to reference your work in mine, especially on the BY high school friends part.

Feel free to reference it if you think it'll add to your story! Happy to be a source of some inspiration and happy to see you enjoy it.

ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Wed Mar 13, 2024 2:08 am

Edit: Potential error in the Karaoke picture...

As for everything noted here, I'll try to respond point to point.
1: All members are present and accounted for. Takumi has a slimmer build and longer hair than usual. He's on the right next to Shin. Though this image's depiction of him does have slightly longer hair than I would've gone with.
2: Positioning. The exit in the image (I think) is meant to be something more like a fire exit. Honestly, if I were to ask for a revision to this piece it'd probably just be to remove it. As for the positioning, as far as I can tell it's consistent with the description. If the exit to the main building is behind the camera on the right (or just off screen), that'd mean the order is Shin, Takumi, X (Kai), Iawanako, Mai, X (Hisao), with their exact positioning being morphed for visual clarity. Specifically Iwanako would probably be more to the left, I just didn't want her blocking Hisao/Kai off in the image. As for heights, the other 4 not on stage are sitting down, otherwise Kai would easily be the shortest. As for the differences in Iwanako's height, I'll have to chalk it up to different artists and perspective playing a roll. In the other image referenced, she's closer to the "camera".

Mirage_GSM wrote: Sat Mar 16, 2024 6:45 pm

I really liked this chapter - or these three chapters?
Anyway a really nice flow of scenes with a good progression - and not a single mention of PTSD ;-)

:wink:

Mirage_GSM wrote: Sat Mar 16, 2024 6:45 pm

Not even much to comment on:

“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by names I don’t recognize and can barely read.

Guy doesn't even recognize Elton John... Philistine!

Hisao needs some culture in his life, for sure. Glad you enjoyed the update and had little issues with it!

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Re: Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

Post by ShizuneFan2019 »

StealthyWolf wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:28 am

As for everything noted here, I'll try to respond point to point.
1: All members are present and accounted for. Takumi has a slimmer build and longer hair than usual. He's on the right next to Shin. Though this image's depiction of him does have slightly longer hair than I would've gone with.
2: Positioning. The exit in the image (I think) is meant to be something more like a fire exit. Honestly, if I were to ask for a revision to this piece it'd probably just be to remove it. As for the positioning, as far as I can tell it's consistent with the description. If the exit to the main building is behind the camera on the right (or just off screen), that'd mean the order is Shin, Takumi, X (Kai), Iawanako, Mai, X (Hisao), with their exact positioning being morphed for visual clarity. Specifically Iwanako would probably be more to the left, I just didn't want her blocking Hisao/Kai off in the image. As for heights, the other 4 not on stage are sitting down, otherwise Kai would easily be the shortest. As for the differences in Iwanako's height, I'll have to chalk it up to different artists and perspective playing a roll. In the other image referenced, she's closer to the "camera".

I see your point right there.

  1. So Takumi is the second person from the left wearing brown/yellow shirt. He looks really like a girl. (You did say he has longer hair but still...) It's okay, but it's important that you clarify for that because I'm going to stick with this impression of Takumi in my upcoming chapters (I'm already working on it).
  2. To clarify, I suppose you're saying that there's another "empty space" next to Mai in the picture (for Hisao). It doesn't seem like so in the picture, so I do think both 'Nako and Mai need to move to the left by a little bit, but not blocking Hisao on the stage. But again, thanks for the clarification as I'll once again be consistent and use the same images of Mai and Kai in my work (and yeah, Kai is in too, and I'm already thinking about finding a partner for the beret girl; she looks cute). And I'll assume that in terms of height, Kai < 'Nako < Mai < Shin.

Looking forward to your next update, and I'll adjust accordingly.

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Re: Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 4 March 10th, 2024]

Post by StealthyWolf »

ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Wed Mar 20, 2024 2:36 am

[snip]

Looking forward to your next update, and I'll adjust accordingly.

I would operate under the assumption that the image in not 100% representative of the actual story. It's meant to be a visual, done by an artist not familiar with the material. With that said, if you do use the image as reference just make sure to give the artist the same credits I did.

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