Again, thank you for reading my work, guys. Oh hey, last-minute proofreading from the Cook.
Silentcook wrote: ↑Thu Jan 25, 2024 5:45 am
There are still a couple points of punctuation wrong. :p
Talmar wrote: ↑Thu Jan 25, 2024 5:28 am
the bottle,… this,
Talmar wrote: ↑Thu Jan 25, 2024 5:28 amall.Shoot.
Talmar wrote: ↑Thu Jan 25, 2024 5:28 amShe furrow her brows
Fuck Google Docs.
... aaand fixed. Thanks.
Mirage_GSM wrote: ↑Thu Jan 25, 2024 12:43 pm
Something wrong with the sequence of this dialogue (shortened for clarity):
[Ritsu]“Yeah… me too. So, uh, how are you?”
... This is the first time I hear her saying anything that might lead to a conversation of her own initiative, ... I'm also scrambling for things to say. [Hisao?]“I’m fine, yeah. You?”
She furrows her brows a bit and frowns, her finger letting go of her hair. What the hell is wrong with me.
[Hisao]“I’m fine too. Um, what is it?” I add.
Either Ritsu answers her own question first or Hisao answers it twice...
Anyway, I'm glad we finally get to see a bit more of Ritsu this time. For a route about her, so far we've seen astonishingly little 
Well, uh, Ritsu furrowing her brows is actually her reply to Hisao's question, and yes, I fudged up Hisao's awkward attempt to keep the conversation going. I adjusted it slightly. Also, yes, I know the lack of Ritsu content is surprising for a pseudo-route dedicated to her, but I gotta tell Hisao's story as well. Each and every one of the extensively used characters in this pseudo-route has their own story to tell. But Switching Dynamics should focus on Hisao's and Ritsu's story first and foremost.
StealthyWolf wrote: ↑Thu Jan 25, 2024 4:32 pm
Sometimes all we need in life is to find someone walking down the same path as us at the same time, and to have them look in our direction. To see us, the same way we see them. I believe that's what's happening here for Ritsu and Hisao. They're both at a point in their lives where they've seemingly sworn off whatever came before now, but neither of them seem to really want to give up. That's just what's easiest right now. They've dealt with traumatic experiences and fought emotions they weren't ready for just to end up alone in an unfamiliar place, but maybe they don't have to be alone. Hisao clearly doesn't want to swear off having a social life, friends, and maybe even music, but he burned a lot of bridges. Ritsu seems to have done something similar, and has no circle at Yamaku, but she's also seems to want to have something here. She just doesn't know how. It probably doesn't help that she also still hasn't seemed to be able to combat her feelings since the event that lead her to Yamaku either.
Also, as an aside this one really puts into perspective how much of a whirlwind the past couple days have been for Hisao.
I know you struggled with this chapter, Tal, but I think it turned out pretty good! It set up the next section of the story well and I'm excited to see where it goes!
I ... thank you. When I was done writing this chapter, everything from my gut instincts to my very fingers screamed that this is the worst chapter I have ever written and it deserves to be completely overhauled. But yeah, it just took, y'know, Silentcook's sanity to fix it. Which is still something as a cost, but I didn't need to completely rewrite it, and that's good.
And true, that is basically the origin of their relationship. Two lost souls traumatized by the manifestation of their worst nightmare, torn away from their friends and old world, forced to abandon their life's goals and dreams and adapt to the new circumstances they're now in. How Hisao and Ritsu will deal with their situation is the focus of the pseudo-route, so, look forward to them awkwardly chatting again!