Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

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FluffandCrunch
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Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by FluffandCrunch » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:55 am

I just want to say, themocaw's Saki pseudo-route and drabbles are among my favorite things right now.
As always, comments, criticism and tips are always welcome.
Enjoy!

((This might be a departure from what's normal on the site. Hope you don't mind))
----------------------------------------

Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits

“Time's up. Everyone, pencils down and pass your papers forward.“

I can see the disappointment on some of the student's faces and hear the groans coming from others. It was a big test, I'll admit it, but I'm sure they all did better than they expected.
They'd better.
I expect a lot from my students.

One by one the papers are collected and placed on my desk by the class representative. Even before she makes it back to her seat the bell rings, signaling the end of the school day.
They all start getting up and grabbing their bags in a flurry, but I clear my throat loudly and grab their attention before they can bolt out of my classroom. I lean over my desk and make eye contact as I speak.
“I know it was a difficult test, everyone, but I'm sure you all did very well. We've studied enough and you did everything you could to prepare for this. I'm proud of all the effort that you've put forth this semester and I hope you all enjoy the extended break before class resumes. Your test results will be waiting for you. You deserve a breather. Don't let it bother you too much, stay safe and try to enjoy yourselves out there.“

They look relieved, I think to myself, as they shuffle out excitedly. I can overhear several of my kids comparing answers, making plans for the break together and indulging in that high school small talk so indicative of youth.

I love this job, I think to myself.

With the room empty, I sit back down at my desk and take a breather. The window is open and a nice breeze filters through. I put my stapler on the stack of papers to keep them from floating away. I take a moment and collect my thoughts, my eyes focused on my desk top.

It's covered with mementos. It's a little messy, but I like it. It reflects me well.
There's a tiny paper crane, a black chess Queen carved from stone, a tiny crystal I found on a run that spreads colors onto my desk top and a small frame with the pictures of Newton, Hideki Yukawa and Einstein in it. Next to that is another frame with a letter of recommendation from Mutou.
On the wall above my shoulder is a Rin Tezuka original. If I ever sold it, which I would never do, it would be worth a fortune.
I have a bust of Galileo I wanted in the classroom, but Shizune wouldn't let me display it. Said it was too big and distracting.
She can be a bitch sometimes.

Using a tiny key from my pocket, I open a locked drawer in my desk and pull out a small silver flask, a gift from my wedding. There are words engraved on it;

No Glasses.
No Napkins.
Just Whisky

I pour some of the blended Scotch into my cup, letting the coffee heat the whisky before I take a slow drink of the savory mixture.

With the burn still quivering pleasantly in my throat, I pull the stack of test papers in front of me, grab a freshly sharpened pencil and set about the pleasant, mind numbing task of grading.

“Nakai-Sensei?”

The voice makes me nearly jump, but I don't look up from the papers in front of me. I must have been really spaced out if I hadn't noticed her standing in front of my desk.

“Nakai-Sensei, I'm really worried about the test....”

Don't acknowledge her, old boy, I tell myself, eventually she'll go away.

“I was wondering...maybe you could help me? Maybe you could...tutor me?“

Just ignore her. Just ignore her. Just ignore her like you have all semester.

“Maybe you could give me some...extra credit....”

The tone of the words makes my grip on the pencil tighten in my hand and I can feel a trickle of sweat run down my neck. I swallow a lump in my throat and occupy my mind with chemical formula and the periodic table and other such plain, non threatening subjects .
I hear her moving around my desk slowly behind me.
I have the sudden feeling of a gazelle being stalked by a lioness.

“Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium. Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Fluorine....“

I feel a weight on my back now. It's very, very soft and I can feel something pleasant resting on my shoulders.

“I'm a married man, I'm a married man, I'm a married man....“

“I know I don't pay much attention in class,” she whispers in my ear, “but I can learn. Would you...would you teach me? ...please?“

The pencil snaps in my grip!

“All right, enough!”

I shoot out of my chair and turn around, facing the girl behind me.

She's adorable, that much is true. She has shoulder-length hair the color of dark honey, pulled back from her face with hair pins. The smile on her face is both teasing and warm at the same time, a glint of victory hidden between a pair of pert lips. Tiny earrings like red berries adorn her. She has an aluminum cane in her hand and she leans on it at a jaunty angle and the way she coquettishly wears her school uniform forces me to focus on her face and nothing else.

“I knew you couldn't ignore me forever, Nakai-Sensei!”

I grunt and look away, crossing my arms over my chest protectively.
“You don't have to call me that, you know.”

She smiles again and cocks her head, her eyes lighting up like fireworks.
“Why? Does it sound dirty when I say it like that?”

She leans forward towards me with a wickedly innocent look in her eyes.

“Nakia....Sensei....” she whispers.

Damn her.

“No,” I respond, trying to remain un-rattled. I pull at my tie and loosen my collar.
“When two people have known each other for as long as we have, generally you don't need to be so formal. Didn't you say that to me once?“

She seems pleased by my recall and gives me a wink, straightening her back again, for which I'm grateful.
“See? I knew our relationship was back on track!”

I look at her, both angry and sad at the same time.
“Why are you here?”

She shrugs and hops onto my desk, crossing her legs as she does.
“Why not? I like you, Hisao. I hang out with people I like. Is that so weird?“

I stand there for a minute, not sure what to do. I then walk over to the door, lock it and return to my desk, sitting down in my chair in front of her.

“Why are you here?” I ask again.

She smiles at me as if I were a child she was patronizing in my confusion.

“Why shouldn't I be? It's not like I can do anything else. Besides, it's fun to tease you. Especially with you being the only friend I have.“

Even though she's smiling at me and looks genuinely happy, I can't help but feel sad every time I see this girl. Every time she shows up, it reminds me of all the things that could have been. It reminds me of a very bad day a few years ago.

“Why are you here, Saki?”

She winks again, a source of endless and unstoppable enthusiasm and positivity.
“Because I'm dead, Hisao. I'm haunting you!” she declares dramatically.

I lean back in my chair, the wood creaking in protest. I cross my arms over my chest defiantly.
“I don't believe in ghosts.”

She picks up the paper crane from my desk, gently lifting it's tail, the white wings flapping.
“'Why do you doubt your senses'?” she says with a smile.

I smile back.
“'Because, a little thing effects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheat. So on and so on, there's more of gravy than of grave about you.''“

Saki laughs and puts the crane back carefully on my desk.
“You've read Dickens!”

“Of course I have! My wife is an English teacher.”
I lean forward and point a finger at Saki.
“And I don't think you ever did. The only reason you know Dickens is because I've read him and you're just a figment of my imagination.“

Saki puts a mock offended look on her face and rests the back of her hand dramatically on her forehead.
“Oh! Hisao! What a terrible thing to say to a poor, dead girl! How can you be so cruel to me?“

Her smile takes a predatory glint that makes me lean back in my chair, if only for a few more inches between the two of us.
“Maybe I'm not a ghost,” she says in almost a growl.
“I could just be something you thought up, or maybe I'm a hallucination caused by your medication. Maybe you're having a heart attack right now and I'm your mind trying to come up with a rational way to deal with your own death.“

I hesitate before answering.
I certainly don't feel like I'm dying.
“You always did have a dark sense of humor, Saki.”

Her smile returns to it's usual friendly look and she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“Believe in me now?”

I shake my head.
“I'm a scientist, Saki. I only believe in the rational world. Ghosts are beyond my horizon.“

Saki pouts, her foot bouncing off my desk, tapping like a metronome, her eyes up at the ceiling. She's starting to look a little frustrated with me.

“Well, what do I have to do to convince you I'm real?“

I think about it for a while.
Retrieving a notepad and a new pencil from my desk, I lean back in an easy manner in my chair, crossing my leg over my knee casually.
“Well, let's do this proper then. If you are a ghost, it's only appropriate I record this for future research, right?

Saki gives me a sour look and a little glare.
“Are you trying to make this a test?”
“Maybe.”

Saki shrugs and holds back a little smile on her face.
“Typical teacher. I guess that's okay. I kind of miss taking tests.”
The smile turns sad.
“I miss a lot of things.”

I'm not sure what to say at this point.
Saki looks at my desk and all the things I have piled on it.
Her eyes light up when she sees my flask.
“Hey, can I have some of that?“

I'm surprised by the request and her sudden turn around.
“Of course not! You're too young!“

Saki groans and rolls her eyes at me exasperatedly.
“Hisao! Dead! Remember?“

“Still, I wouldn't feel right. If Shizune or Misha knew I even had this here, I could get into trouble.“

Saki groans and practically drapes herself across my desk, playfully pawing at my sleeve like a cat, giving me wide eyes as she does.
“Pleeeeease?“

I groan and avoid looking at her pretty eyes.
Her puppy dog looks are almost as effective as Emi's.
I reluctantly hand Saki the flask and she nearly snatches it from my hand. Taking a moment to let the aroma fill her nostrils, Saki takes a tiny sip from the flask. Moments later her eyes flare wide open and her face screws up in a cute pout.
She coughs and massages her throat as the burning liquid goes to work on her.

“Oh! Hisao, what are you drinking? This stuff is a lot more rough than I remember!“

I can't help but laugh, taking the flask back from her as I do and taking a much larger draw than she did.

“I don't know what your used to drinking, Saki, but this is whiskey. A real drink! A man's beverage! Straight from Scotland!“

“Really?“ she asks still recovering. “How did you get it?“

I shrug.
“I have a sympathetic sister-in-law who sends me supplies every few months.“

I set the flask between us and pick my pencil and paper back up.

“All right, to business. Why is it that I can see you and no one else can?”

Saki seems to have fully recovered and thinks about it for a while, turning the question over in her head.
“I can think of a few reasons. For one, I imagine with your heart you've had your own fair share of close brushes with death.“

I nod reluctantly.
“Yea, I guess you could say that.”
She picks up the flask and takes a very careful sip, setting it back down afterwards.
“So tell me Hisao; how many times have you been on your back without a heartbeat?“

I fiddle with the pencil in my hands, my sheet of paper still blank.
“More times than I like to think. I'm a lot healthier nowadays, but looking back...there were a lot of times I probably should have ended up dead.“

Saki nods, her eyes locked on mine.
“See? Stand at death's door enough and eventually you can peek in through the window every now and then.“
She shrugs her slims shoulders.
“Besides, you were there, Hisao. You watched me die. Who else would I appear before?“

I write something pointless on the paper to avoid her eyes.
“Yea. I'd rather not talk about it.”
“Pretty hard to watch, wasn't it?”
I nod.
She smiles at me without malice.
“Try going through it.”

If I thought talking to a dead person was uncomfortable enough, it just keeps getting more so every minute.
I grab the flask and take a huge pull from it. Saki looks both surprised and amused by my action.
It burns me, but it's a good pain.

“Ahem!” she says.
“Next question, Hisao. Come on! I may have all the time in the world, but you don't!“

I take a moment to think, looking at the dead girl in front of me, remembering all the things that had been buried away and forgotten after several years, then suddenly ripped up towards the surface before I purposely forced myself to forget them all over again.

I stop bothering with the paper and set it on the desk.
“I can't help but notice you look like you did back in school. The uniform, your crutch, even your age. But you died eight years after graduation. Why do you look like this now?“

Saki looks away from me and stares out the window. At first I don't think she's going to answer, but then, almost too low for me to hear, she speaks.
“You saw me, Hisao. When I died. Why would I want to be like that?“

It's my turn to respond very quietly

“Yea. I guess, um, I guess I hadn't thought of that.“

The silence that follows in unbearable. Saki shifts, losing that cute atmosphere and just becoming a scared little girl.

“What do you do all day?” I quickly ask.

Saki shrugs, latching quickly onto the change of subject. She hops off my desk and smooths her skirt out. She looks up at Rin's painting, with a tilted head.
That's the reaction most people have to one of her works.

“Not really sure. I seem to just end up wandering back and forth between the places I hung out around when I was at school. Especially the art room. And the auditorium! Sometimes I dance on stage. I know no one can see me, but I used to love dancing!“

She smiles at me and gives me a little Fouetté en Tournant spin sweeping her arms down and up in a graceful, allegro arc, a little show that makes me smile back, her arms crossed above her head, the window framing her from behind.

“That's something I never told you before,” She says looking at me sideways.

She looks happier than she had previously in that moment, but tinged with the sweet taste of nostalgia.
I make a promise to myself to ask if I can see her dance someday.

“I spend a lot of time at the track as well,” she continues.
She has a wicked, mischievous smile now, back to her old self, leaning on the window sill and looking outside.
“I like watching the boys sweat.”

She looks back towards me, the window and it's breeze tossing her hair.
“I see you a lot down there running with Emi. I'm glad to see you taking care of yourself. After that, I usually I end up following you the rest of the day.“

“I noticed. I don't see you all the time though. Do you just...come and go, or something?“

Saki shrugs and laughs.
“I'm not an expert on this, Hisao. I can't explain it all. Sorry if that disappoints you.“

I hold up a hand and wave her off.
“No, no, not at all. I'm just curious, that's it.”
“That's a good quality for a teacher,” she says, “All the students seem to like you a lot. I wish the teachers had been as good as you are when I was going to school.“

I smile at the compliment.
“Thank you, Saki. That means a lot to me.”

I think about what I want to say next, but the conversation has already taken a few awkward turns and I don't want to ruin her happier mood. I'm not sure how to approach it, though.

“If you don't mind me asking, Saki; what happened to you after graduation? You just...vanished. No one heard from you again. Not me, not Rika. You just disappeared.“

Saki turns towards the window and stares outside for a while, the sunlight streaming through the glass and painting her a swirl of warm colors that almost match the color of her hair.

She wraps her arms around herself protectively.
“Remember I said once I was a real mess before coming to Yamaku, Hisao?“
“I recall, yes.”
Saki sighs, her whole body slumping into herself.
“I went right back to that mess after school. I thought I was living my life to the fullest. Now that I look back at it, I think I just squandered it. I hung out with the wrong people all over again, dated a whole line of jerks right out of school, got into things I shouldn't have.“

She refuses to look at me.
“I did...a lot of things I'm not proud of.”

“Is that why...why you were in the hospital when I found you?“

She nods, leaning against the window, staring outside.
“Yeah. Unlike you, I tried my best to forget I was dying. I really didn't take care of myself like I should have. I ended up dying at twenty-six when I should have lived until my thirties. The doctors, the medications, the treatments, all of it reminded me I was going to die slowly and painfully and nothing I could do would stop it. So I ignored it. I lived and I paid for it in the end. I traded in my last few years for pointless diversion.“

She tries to summon a smile, but it fails, only making her look sickly.
“Any other questions?”

I have one.
I just don't want to ask.
I can't stop myself, though. It's a question I've wondered about for years.

“Yea, just one.”
I try to keep my voice level, but the words come out more bitter and angry than I want them too.
“Why did you make me be the one to kill you?”

Saki faces me, her face broken and ashamed. She backs away from me as if I was about to strike her, nearly out the window.
“Is...is that what you think? Is that what you think I did?“

I'm out of my chair now. There's a few feet between us, but I don't come any closer. Maybe I'm afraid she might go out the window.
Then again, she's dead, so what would it matter?

“What else was it supposed to be!? Not a word for eight years and then some doctor calls me and tells me I'm the one who has to pull the plug? That's bullshit, Saki!“

She shrinks under my words and I can see tears start forming in her gold eyes.
“Hisao, that's not true! You didn't...you set me free! I knew you wouldn't let me suffer like that! I had to...I had to choose someone I trusted.“

I grab the flask and take a huge gulp, the alcohol tearing strips of my throat away as I do.
“Saki, you may not remember high school, but we were never that close. Yeah, we talked in the halls, I helped you in art class, we even had lunch on the roof a few times, but we were never....“

I don't want to hurt her.

“...we were never really friends.”

Saki clutches her cane hard, her fingers turning white. Her other hand is shaking with a tremulous palsy I hadn't seen before.

“I...know....”

She's staring at my feet, leaning on the window sill for support, barely able to stand. I can see her knees shaking, the same way they used to on the bad days.

“I know we weren't friends, Hisao. You had your circle of friends and I had mine. But by the time I was in the hospital, I didn't have any left. I chased them all away. I even chased Rika away. No one I knew was worth it. I didn't even trust them.“

She's having trouble standing at this point. Nearly all of her weight is on her cane and she's having trouble gripping even that.

“Do you know what the doctors told me when they called my Mom? When they asked for her to be there? My only living relative?“

Saki told me about her Mother. I don't expect the answer to be a good one.

“What did she say?”

Saki's tears shake as they drip off of her chin.
“Nothing! She didn't say anything! They told her I was dying and that she should be there and she just hung up! The fucking bitch didn't even say 'no'!“

She loses her grip on the cane and I rush forward. She falls back towards the window but I grab onto her and pull her away and into my arms. I can feel every one of her limbs shaking uncontrollably in my embrace, making it hard to hold onto her. Her cane clatters to the ground, the only sound except for her whimpers.

Under normal circumstances I would call for Nurse, but this was far from a normal situation, wasn't it?

Some cold, logical part of my brain wonders if she's really sick at all and if she's just reflecting the condition she had in life during her death. Whether her emotional state causes her to revert back to her condition at death. The emotional part of me has to kick logic in the ribs a few times.

With her still shaking, I pick Saki up in my arms and carry her towards my desk, sitting her in my chair. Her arms hang limply, twitching of their own volition. I kneel in front of her on one knee, unsure of how I can help.

“Saki, what's wrong? What can I do?”

She sniffs, one of her arm awkwardly lifting up and trying to wipe the drool leaking from the side of her mouth. It awkwardly bumps into her face a few times. I take a handkerchief and wipe her lips for her.

“I'm sorry.” She slurs.

“Don't be. I'm a teacher at Yamaku. I'm used to it by now.“

She smiles awkwardly, her face drooping slightly. She takes a few steadying breaths, eyes closed, calming herself. She starts sitting up straight and the shaking begins to subside.

I'm amazed by her swift recovery, but then I remember; she's not alive. Why wouldn't it be?

After she seems to regain some control she opens her eyes and smiles at me.
“That's why I called you, Hisao. It doesn't matter if we weren't best friends. You still cared enough to be there.“

I give her the flask and she carefully holds onto it, taking a little sip. It seems to brighten her a little, bolster her.

“Do you remember our graduation, Hisao?”

I nod.
“Yes, clearly.”

She smiles down at me.
“Remember the last time we saw each other? At school, I mean. I don't count the hospital. That wasn't even the real me.”

I smile at the memory.
“It was after the celebration. I was carrying a bunch of books for Hanako to pack them up and you came up behind me and tripped me with your cane. You said you were trying to 'keep me from escaping.' Then we signed each others year books.“

Saki nods, her eyes brilliantly bright.
“Remember what I wrote in your book?”

“Of course I do. I could never forget. 'Every day is a gift, every hour is golden, every minute is a diamond. Life is wonderful, if you have the courage to live it.'“

“Remember what you wrote in my yearbook?”

I think about it for a minute. For the life of me, I just can't recall what it was.
A little disappointed with myself, I shrug helplessly.
“Sorry, Saki. I can't seem to remember. It must not have been very important or as profound as what you wrote in mine.“

Saki shakes her head. She reaches out and I take her hand in mine.
“It was. It was the most important thing anyone ever gave to me.“
She smiles down at me and I feel my chest tighten.
“You gave me your phone number and wrote 'Call me if you need me'.“

I look down and away from her, a mixture of being ashamed of myself and embarrassed.

“When I went to the hospital the last time, the doctors gave me all these papers to fill out. They gave me this huge, empty form to fill out with who they were to call in case I was unresponsive. I spent hours trying to figure it out, but I never came up with anyone. I couldn't even fill in one line. Then I looked through my yearbook and I saw what you wrote. So I put you down.“

She shakes her head slowly. I hand her my handkerchief and she dabs her eyes.

“I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I'm sorry I forced that responsibility on you. By that point, I just didn't care anymore. I was grasping for straws and you were the only chance I had.“

She pauses before continuing.
Looking at my desk, she looks at all the memorabilia I have, all the tiny objects that personify memories and the people I know. Even the silver flask sitting on the table that we've been nursing has some special meaning to me.
“You know that cancer took my Father?“
I nod.
“Do you know what the last thing he said to me was?“

“What was it, Saki?“

A smile plays at her lips, her eyes looking far back into the past.

“'How do you want to be remembered?'”

She picks up the flask and looks at the inscription on it.
“You have so many memories. Of friends and family and loved ones. People you care about. People who will remember you when you're gone.“
She takes a drink from the flask and sets it down, the empty container thudding against the desk.
“I wanted to be a part of that for someone. For anyone. At that point, Hisao, I didn't care if someone remembered only the bad things. If my death was the only thing anyone would remember, that was fine with me.“

She looks around the classroom.
“I miss this. I miss school and I miss my friends. I want books back and study hall. I want to get an 'F' and try to do better next time. I even miss stupid teachers and tests and homework. This was the last place I was happy and healthy.“

I don't know what to say. I have nothing more that I could say. No reassuring words, no commentary about the people who care about her, no moral of the story.
What comfort can I give the dead?

Saki stands up with my help and leans on the desk. I retrieve her cane and hand it back to her, she taking it with a grateful smile.

Hobbling back around the desk, she heads towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

She turns back and gives me a smile and a wink, washing away any sign of our previous conversation below a layer of sunny resolve.

“It's getting late and the boy's track team should be just about done with practice. If I hurry, I can catch them just as they're heading into the showers.“

She opens the door (didn't I lock that?) and raises a hand in farewell.
“See you later, Hisao.”

The door slams behind her, leaving me in the fading light of the classroom.

---------------------------------------

That night, I head home.
I have dinner with Lilly and Hanako and the three of us enjoy a movie. I narrate for Lilly, but I'm not focused.
Too many old memories bouncing around.

The girls head to bed, but I stay up late. I head down into the basement and delve into old cardboard boxes I haven't seen in years, coated with layers of dust.

Tossing aside another empty box, I uncover a small backpack lost among the debris of clutter.
Inside, I find what I'm looking for.
Memories rush up to greet me and I can't help but smile.

----------------------------------------

Sunday is an off day, but I head into class nonetheless, briefcase in hand.

Unlocking my classroom door, I find her sitting at a desk, looking out the window, her chin cupped in her hand and propped up on the table, a bored look on her face.
She turns, sees me and instantly perks up.
“Hisao? What a surprise! Didn't expect anyone today.“

I smile back and sit at my desk, setting the briefcase on top.

“Well, I have some matters that I need to attend too.”
I open the briefcase and pull out a textbook and several test papers. Walking up to Saki's desk, I plop the book and sheets of paper in front of her, hand her a pencil which she hesitantly takes and I walk back to the chalkboard. I grab some chalk out of my jacket pocket and begin writing some formula on the board.

Saki looks confused as I look over my shoulder.
She fingers the book open and gasps when she sees the first page and the name written on the inside cover.
“This...this is my textbook!”

She looks up at me.
“Where did you get this?”

“You don't remember? It was finals and you needed some help on chemical composition. We had a study meet. It was you, Lilly, Hanako, Rika and me. You forgot your textbook in my dorm. I had meant to get it back to you, but graduation came around and I forgot.“

Saki smirks.
“I think I passed that final.”

I nod and tap the chalk on the board, underlining the various chemicals displayed there.
“Good, then you shouldn't have any problems with these formula either.“

Saki looks confused for a second.
“Hisao, what are you talking about?”

I look at Saki disapprovingly.
“Excuse me, Miss Enomoto, but you asked me to tutor you. I think you should address me in a more professional manner. It would only be appropriate, seeing as how you are one of my students.“

Saki sits at her desk, book in her hands. She blinks several times and I can see a little tear trail down her cheek which she quickly wipes away.

“Yes, Nakai,-Sensei. I apologize.”

I give Saki a wink.
“Call me Mr. Nakai. You have sixty-minutes to complete the test.”

Her smile is glorious.
“Yes, Mr. Nakai!”

Saki bends over the desk, takes her pencil in hand and begins working, a blush and smile on her face.

I'm sure she'll do okay.
She'd better.
I expect a lot from my students.
Last edited by FluffandCrunch on Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

MrDogsniper
Posts: 65
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:57 pm

Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by MrDogsniper » Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:20 am

very interesting...good...no great...no me gusta "Claps" :D
Sandvich!

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Mahorfeus » Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:33 am

A depressing story where I feel uplifted at the end? I could use more of these.

And now I'm imagining a spin-off series where Hisao is one of those paranormal investigator guys that helps ghosts pass on.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Mealforthree
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Mealforthree » Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:40 am

Very, very nice indeed, Fluff.

A captivating read for sure.

If there was a Saki route in KS, I would never think of playing any other. More so after reading this.

Bi-Polar Hernandez
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Bi-Polar Hernandez » Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:46 am

Well, you seemed to have captured the spirit of KS very well. Started out happy, before gradually moving on to sad and downright depressing, and then having a bittersweet ending.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:10 am

I assume this is the same continuity as your other story? Or is it that you just couldn't resist the menage a trois idea?
Regarding the rest of the story: Very well written. Moving.
Hope to see more of your work in the future.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Guestimate » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:57 pm

I would encourage you to continue this. Perhaps when Lilly or Hanako wonder where Hisiao is disappearing to on the weekends?

themocaw
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by themocaw » Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:13 pm

Beautiful :shock:

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Breaker deGodot
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Breaker deGodot » Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:32 pm

That was fantastic! I really like the way you make the reader piece together the story as it goes along. At first I thought it was Mutou, not Hisao. Then I thought some random girl was trying to sex him up, but it turned out to be Saki. And I have to admit, that phrase, "Every day is a gift, every hour is golden, every minute is a diamond. Life is wonderful, if you have the courage to live it." really does a great job of summing up her character, if not KS in general. In fact, it might be my new favorite quote.
"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."
-Francis Bacon

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Scissorlips
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Scissorlips » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:00 am

That was really moving, and I haven't even had time to read any of the other Saki stuff out there. I enjoyed the misleading way you approached the twist. The line that probably hit me the hardest was:
She looks around the classroom.
“I miss this. I miss school and I miss my friends. I want books back and study hall. I want to get an 'F' and try to do better next time. I even miss stupid teachers and tests and homework. This was the last place I was happy and healthy.“
That is literary gold, if you ask me.
The only thing that seemed out of place to me was:
“I'm a married man, I'm a married man, I'm a married man....“
It fit at the time, but once the twist was revealed, it didn't seem to make sense. Other than that though, really well done.
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I'm a writer for a visual novel project called Familiarity, where I go by the name Lunch.

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Daitengu
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Daitengu » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:22 am

Scissorlips wrote:
“I'm a married man, I'm a married man, I'm a married man....“
It fit at the time, but once the twist was revealed, it didn't seem to make sense. Other than that though, really well done.
Well, just means he's tempted to get it on with a ghost lol.

Saki's got points going for her in ghost mode since she can touch Hisao.

1. Hisao can do it raw cause she has no body.
2. Saki is in teen form.
3. No one can see her except him.

Ghosts, perfect mistresses lolz

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Mahorfeus » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:30 am

If all else fails, she could just possess Whoopi Goldberg and feel him up then.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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FluffandCrunch
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by FluffandCrunch » Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:01 am

Thanks everyone for the compliments. I wanted to write something for Saki, but couldn't figure it out. Didn't want to step on themocaw's toes, so I went with something a little different.
Seems that it paid off.
Scissorlips wrote: The only thing that seemed out of place to me was:
“I'm a married man, I'm a married man, I'm a married man....“
It fit at the time, but once the twist was revealed, it didn't seem to make sense. Other than that though, really well done.
LOL
To quote Lilly;
"You're thinking dirty thoughts, aren't you?"

It's the thought that counts, in this case.
Daitengu wrote: Well, just means he's tempted to get it on with a ghost lol.

Saki's got points going for her in ghost mode since she can touch Hisao.

1. Hisao can do it raw cause she has no body.
2. Saki is in teen form.
3. No one can see her except him.

Ghosts, perfect mistresses lolz
...don't tempt me.

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The O.H.L.
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by The O.H.L. » Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:04 am

That was an excellent story, and I don't think there is any need for a sequel or continuation seeing that this had a fairly final ending and was a great short story.

But I would love to read more work from you, please.
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Re: Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits- A Saki Story

Post by Bagheera » Mon Mar 26, 2012 9:56 am

Damn, man. I wound up tearing up while reading this. Only other story that's done that recently is Doomish's story "Some Nights". Seems the bittersweet ones are the ones that really get to me!

Nice work.
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


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