NuclearStudent's Cursed Zone

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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brythain
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by brythain » Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:10 am

NuclearStudent wrote:
Thu Oct 31, 2019 5:44 pm
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:24 pm
I have no idea what I have just read - I didn't finish reading - but it seems to fit in well with the "dream" theme of this batch's stories.
Though in this case it's probably more drug-induced hallucinations...
I'm not sure why all of us turned in dream-like entries. I know that I had an incredibly stressful last few weeks and was totally incapable of completing anything except for morally degenerate literature. Crafty mentioned that he'd also had an extremely draining time, which perhaps had the opposite effect of encouraging a lovely and strangely serene atmosphere. Brythian was perhaps Brythian as usual, and so was Normie. It may have been simple coincidence, or perhaps something about this community and time of year which caused a sort of convergence. We were in contact with each other, so perhaps something about our conversations triggered a mass insanity.
Don't drag me into this. I am —so— after the dream.

In other news, Nuke, your poetry is algorithmically improving.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Razoredge
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by Razoredge » Fri Nov 08, 2019 6:00 am

This is one of the Rinish things I've ever read. That was great, I really liked this poem, even if I didn't understand some little things, maybe because it's Rinish.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Razor's One Shots & misc. & Sakura Blossom

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NuclearStudent
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by NuclearStudent » Mon Feb 03, 2020 1:49 am

Index


my brain is fried, please have something that looks like a story

BLUE SWEET BLUE

INCIDENT REPORT

On July 13th, 2008, a young adult male was found dead on the railway connecting Yamaku Preserve Station to Sendai Station. The presence of empty pupal casings suggest that the body had been decaying for approximately forty-eight hours. No wounds or unusual markings on the body were found.

CCTV footage of the subject or an individual visually indistinguishable from the subject was found from the nearby railway station, dating to three hours before the discovery of the subject. It is also noted that the trains on those rails are known to run every thirty-seven minutes, and no interruptions of service nor obstructions on the track were noted by train operators.

At 7:23 PM, the subject was observed walking into view, standing in front of the warning line, and waiting with a train-ticket in hand. He was dressed in a high school uniform belonging to an unknown institution, a brown-yellow scarf, and a pair of thick glasses for the treatment of extreme nearsightedness. A cracked watch was visible on his left arm. He tapped his left foot as he waited.

At 7:34 PM, the train arrived on schedule. The subject entered the train, then stopped and stood still in the entryway. He then stepped backwards out of the train with an agitated expression on his face, pointing and gesturing at something within the train. The subject continued to reverse until he fell backwards onto the ground and lay still. At 7:44 PM, an unknown force or person dragged the subject away from view of the CCTV camera.

The clothing of the individual caught on footage was identical to the clothing found on the body, with no signs of dragging or rough handling. No identification or money was found. No fingerprints, foreign DNA, or signs of contact by other human beings was detected. No missing-person reports have been filed, and no high school in the region has had any missing students who are unaccounted for.

INCIDENT REPORT

On July 13th, 2008, a young adult male was found dead on the railway connecting Yamaku Preserve Station to Sendai Station. The state of decomposition suggested that the body had been left decaying for at least a week. Signs of self-inflicted wounding of the eyes was present, such as blood and ocular jelly on the fingernails. Other than the eyes, no wounds or unusual markings on the body were found.

CCTV footage of the subject or an individual visually indistinguishable from the subject was found from the nearby railway station, dating to three hours before the discovery of the subject. It is also noted that the trains on those rails are known to run every thirty-four minutes, and no interruptions of service nor obstructions on the track were noted by train operators.

At 7:23 PM, the subject was observed running into view, standing in front of the warning line, and waiting with a train-ticket in hand. He was dressed in torn high school uniform belonging to an unknown institution, a brown-yellow scarf, and a pair of broken thick glasses for the treatment of extreme near sightedness. A cracked watch was visible on his left arm. The subject appeared highly agitated, pacing back and forth across the station.

At 7:31 PM, the train arrived on schedule. The subject stared at the door of the train and held his fists up in front of his face. When the door of the train opened, the subject stepped backwards and appeared to speak. The subject then fell over abruptly. At 7:44 PM, an unknown force or person dragged the subject away from view of the CCTV camera.

The clothing of the individual caught on footage was identical to the clothing found on the body, except for stones and other debris indicating that the body had been dragged to the final site. No fingerprints or foreign DNA were detected. No missing-person reports have been filed, and no high school in the region has had any missing students who are unaccounted for.

A number of Japanese passports were discovered inside the subject’s school uniform, none of them matching any known individuals. The names on all passports were removed by cutting, and the portraits are distorted in size and shape. The origin and authenticity of these documents remain to be verified. Also discovered were a series of handwritten notes apparently written by the subject, purporting that a subversive feminist council existed and was hunting the subject with deadly intent.

INCIDENT REPORT

On July 13th, 2008, a young adult male was found dead on the railway connecting Yamaku Preserve Station to Sendai Station. The state of decomposition suggested that the body had been left decaying for at least a month. Signs of self-inflicted wounding of the eyes was present, such as blood and ocular jelly on the fingernails. Other than the eyes, no wounds or unusual markings on the body were found.

CCTV footage of the subject or an individual visually indistinguishable from the subject was found from the nearby railway station, dating to three hours before the discovery of the subject. It is also noted that the trains on those rails are known to run every twenty-nine minutes, and no interruptions of service nor obstructions on the track were noted by train operators.

At 7:23 PM, the subject was observed running into view, standing in front of the warning line, and waiting with a train-ticket in hand. He was dressed in torn high school uniform belonging to an unknown institution, a brown-yellow scarf, and a pair of broken metal glasses. A warped metal band was visible on his left arm.

Immediately afterwards, the train arrived on schedule. The subject rushed the door of the train as soon as it opened, but was then repulsed. A young woman with blue hair then exited the train, walked towards the subject, and kicked up. The subject attempted to stagger upwards multiple times, but eventually collapsed under the weight of blows delivered by the young woman.

At 7:44 PM, the young woman with blue hair dragged the subject away from view of the CCTV camera. No fingerprints or foreign DNA were detected on the subject’s body. A number of Japanese passports were discovered inside the subject’s school uniform, all of them matching police officers assigned to Sendai force. Notes were found in the subject’s pockets, which detail the structure and political philosophy of our guiding council.

COMMENDATIONS

On July 13th, 2008, Shizune Hakamichi, student member of the policing cadets, was credited with the discovery of deviancy and the termination of a potential threat. Hakamichi discovered concealed records and documentation belonging to the test subject which had the potential to compromise operations in the Sendai region. Of her own initiative, and at great personal risk, she tracked down the subject and used her issued self-defense equipment to eliminate the threat.

The body of the former test subject was delivered to the designated dumping site on the railway connecting Yamaku Preserve station to Sendai Station. Timeline effects are expected to be minimal. For her loyal service, Hakamichi has earned mentions-in-despatches and “promote above peers” status.
Last edited by NuclearStudent on Mon Feb 03, 2020 3:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

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brythain
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by brythain » Mon Feb 03, 2020 2:42 am

Three incidents makes a coincidence. Some proofreading needed (e.g. 'detailled' and 'self-defenes') but it is truly like something from a computer game. Needs more work, needs a whole universe of backstory. Fun.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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NuclearStudent
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by NuclearStudent » Mon Feb 03, 2020 3:15 am

Thanks, Bry. I've yet to release a single story without any SPaG errors. This time, I forgot to use spell-checker at all.

this story, of course, is a meticulously plotted expansion of the iron sockey cinematic universe

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Feb 03, 2020 11:23 am

So... I'm not sure why they apparently use time manipulation equipment to have the body rot for a while before dumping him - or for that matter why they kill him three times :lol:
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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PsychicSpy
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by PsychicSpy » Mon Feb 03, 2020 1:42 pm

I enjoyed this. Very intriguing to me, had me checking back in earlier paragraphs to see what had changed and what hadn't changed.

SPaG errors, as pointed out earlier, but other than that, nice work!
NO KATAWA BAD
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Avenues of Communication: One of the best Shizune/Hisao fics I've read, written by Lap
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NuclearStudent
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by NuclearStudent » Mon Feb 03, 2020 3:37 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon Feb 03, 2020 11:23 am
So... I'm not sure why they apparently use time manipulation equipment to have the body rot for a while before dumping him - or for that matter why they kill him three times :lol:
to extract the documents from his slice in minkowski space, obviously. death is like a solvent, used to drain information from captives. this makes a great deal of sense and is very well thought out

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NuclearStudent
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by NuclearStudent » Mon Mar 09, 2020 1:22 pm

Featured Pieces

Index

Saki Gives A Blowjob

Saki sits on the bed. She twirls her hair, and for a fraction of a moment, she stares blankly forward. She catches my eyes lingering questioningly on her, and she forces a grin. As if we didn’t snap and yell at each other last night. As if Saki hadn’t stormed out. As if I hadn’t slammed the door. As if we hadn't promised, month after month, that we'd never do this again. I glance down and around, as if I'd find stains left behind by the anger we'd thrown across the room.

“Hey.” I say.

“Hey.” Saki pauses. She puts on that fake smile again. "I wanted to try something new today. You know, keep it fresh."

My stomach hangs low, guts cold. I want to talk about what happened, but after last night, I don't want to broach the subject again until I know how to deal with it properly. I don't want to do this. But I fake a smile back.

"Alright. Surprise me."

She unbuckles my pants and drops down immediately. Normally I'd touch her, stroke her hair, smile back at her. Instead, when I feel her hand stroke me, I close my eyes and act like nothing is wrong.

Her hands are tremoring more than usual. I say nothing. We can pretend its just her ataxia. I keep my eyes closed and I pull my mind inwards. I set myself in a different place. I think about our first time, about Saki crying of happiness with me. I feel myself getting soft. I want to cry. Quickly I try to think of something dirty before Saki notices that I'm not into this at all.

Saki's mouth closes on me, warm and wet. The sudden sensation makes me open my eyes. She shifts in place and bobs gently. She's awful at this. I've never had anyone go down on me before, and I can still tell that she has no idea how to do it. Her teeth are scraping gently across me down there. Not enough to hurt. Not in a seductive way. She's trying to get some feeling out from me, any kind of feeling.

She looks up. I put on a grin back. She redoubles her effort, this time trying to stick down deeper, to go faster. I push her off immediately by instinct.

Her eyes catch mine and she looks terribly afraid. I try to shrug casually. Keep smiling. Keep smiling. "Would you mind using a little less teeth? It's kind of..." I trail off and gesture vaguely down there. Saki plunges to work again. This time she barely lets it touch the inside of her mouth. It moves in and out, lightly rubbing against the roof of her mouth without much contact.

I've gotten a bit harder somehow. I hope to God that she doesn't ask me to finish. Maybe I can go down on her. Maybe she's doing this because she doesn't want me to touch her in that way either. My mouth hangs vaguely open with the words I can't quite say as she works and works and works away

I bite down on the inside of my mouth and tell myself to stop it. We're doing this. I have to put myself in the moment. I take a breath in and out, trying to keep my voice steady. With all luck, she'll mistake that for arousal.

"That's better.” I keep my voice lighter. “If you don't mind, use your lips a little more."

Do I usually sound like this? I don't know what my voice normally sounds like. It's been a long time since I've doubted myself like this. Saki always had a way of taking the lead in a way that made me feel so perfectly fine with her. But it does feel a little better. I focus on that feeling, try to keep it narrow in my mind.

Eventually, a familiar tensing builds up down there. I feel a thrill of relief. We're doing this fine. We're about to finish this cleanly. I hold onto her and keep urging her onwards. Even with what's been happening, she's still beautiful. I'm with a gorgeous blonde knockout that I'm in love with and who's in love with me, and we're naked and having fun together. This is fine. We were just a little stressed to start with.

"Alright." My voice really is shaking a little now. "I'm close."

Saki's eyes flicker up to me. There's something absolutely joyless in them, like she's suddenly become an automaton. As if she were on stage and were forcing herself to play through her movements rather than letting them move naturally. As if her violin had been dumped and exchanged for a stranger’s instrument.

I finish exactly when I see all of that emptiness in her eyes. She stays there, looking up at me. I look done at her, keeping my face neutral. Even before I'm done I already feel tired. She bobs it in her mouth again once, twice, and then abruptly pulls away. We stay like that. Her head is turned away.

Index
Last edited by NuclearStudent on Mon Mar 09, 2020 9:25 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Mon Mar 09, 2020 1:33 pm

absolute masterpiece
Last edited by Hanako Fancopter on Mon Mar 09, 2020 8:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako Route)
Riposte (Rika Mini-Route)
One-Shots Thread (Random Smut/Meme Stories)

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PsychicSpy
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by PsychicSpy » Mon Mar 09, 2020 2:44 pm

Anyways more onto a review. I think this was pretty good. I liked the concept; the idea of kinda an emotionless blowjob that might come from a place where they are trying to mend from what happened soon before is a story thread you don't often see. It's a very Nuke thing to write, and I like it.

Your writing is very technically sound, and so I don't have a great deal of criticism related to that.

Out of curiosity...
NuclearStudent wrote:
Mon Mar 09, 2020 1:22 pm

Saki's eyes flicker up to me. There's something absolutely joyless in them, like she's suddenly become an automaton. It's as if she were on stage and were forcing herself to play through her movements rather than letting them move naturally. As if her violin had been dumped and exchanged for a stranger’s instrument.
Is this an Iron Saki reference?

Good work!
Last edited by PsychicSpy on Mon Mar 09, 2020 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
NO KATAWA BAD
My collection of oneshots
Avenues of Communication: One of the best Shizune/Hisao fics I've read, written by Lap
S10 entry (Misha oneshot)

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Feurox
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Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

Post by Feurox » Mon Mar 09, 2020 8:24 pm

I started this story thinking I would hate this. When you pinged me in the Discord, I half-expected you to just be trying to meme on me or something - I suppose I have a tendency for serious stories, and I expected you to be somehow taking the piss of me for it with the ping. That was quite pessimistic of me, and an unfair assumption - if you were genuinely after my approval for a story (which you certainly don't need,) you've got it; that was a heart-wrenching piece. Well done.

I don't know if you read my last story, but I really love the idea of 'going through the motions' - for me, I wanted to show that as two people physically close but emotionally far apart - two lovers pretending the other were someone else. You've taken a different approach to that same theme. Saki and Hisao are both over somehow in this story, their bodies are just catching up. When Hisao finishes, there's no satisfaction - just the grim understanding that it happened; nothing has changed. Presumably, Saki and Hisao are still in trouble - their hearts just aren't in it, and I love that you reflected that in the body work, Hisao struggling to maintain his arousal. For two people who are half-dead already in terms of the scopes of their lives, this touch to have something inside them die a little too was perfectly heart wrenching.

Whilst I think the vague nature of this set up works brilliantly, I think some more attention should have been given to the fact that Saki and Hisao's relationship has deteriorated and rotted away, the way you have it now somewhat sounds like they had one bad argument and that's it. I doubt that's the affect you wanted; especially because the emotional distance you present here is phenomenal.

Anyway, that was thoroughly good, and I enjoyed (to the extent one enjoys such feelings), immensely.

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NuclearStudent
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Re: NuclearStudent's Cursed Zone

Post by NuclearStudent » Mon Mar 09, 2020 9:03 pm

thanks, patched

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sad witch loves rin
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Re: NuclearStudent's Cursed Zone

Post by sad witch loves rin » Wed Mar 18, 2020 7:21 pm

I liked the writing here! You did a great job of focusing on awkward emotions and conflicts, and I especially liked the dissonance conveyed in the line, "I finish exactly when I see all of that emptiness in her eyes." I don't know much about Saki's character yet, but I think you definitely have a good understanding of how these two work with each other, and I can imagine this being an early part of a very good story. Great job!

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