Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Oneshot thread)

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Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:10 pm

I agree, you took a rare pairing and made a nice interaction out of it. In particular you gave Kenji some nice characterization. I noticed at one point they both prefaced a statement with "God," in quick succession, which is either an unintentional result of you overlapping your dialogue or a super subtle big brain way of suggesting they're not as different as one might think.
An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako Route)
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Lap
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by Lap » Mon Jul 08, 2019 6:54 pm

I adore the notion that Kenji isn't a total fruitcake, he's just messing with people. Very fun!
Avenues of Communication: Shizune suffers an accident.
Akira's Surprise: Akira pays a surprise visit to Lilly, Hanako and Hisao on Christmas eve. S9 Entry.
Arrival: Hanako's first days at Yamaku. (On Hiatus)
Home: Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly (on Ao3).
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sgtpepper
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by sgtpepper » Tue Jul 09, 2019 3:29 am

Thanks, guys.

The way I see it, Kenji and Shizune aren't all that different, wether it be in game or in this story - they both want something from someone for no other reason other than just having it. If that makes sense?

But that thing with "God," was totally unintentional lol

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Oddball
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by Oddball » Wed Jul 10, 2019 6:18 pm

But that thing with "God," was totally unintentional lol
You should have claimed that was intentional and just sat back and listen to people talk about how clever you are.

As for the story. It was nice. There was some good strong character work. It's not often people try to do both over the top femmenist ranting Kenji and actual laid back acting like a real person Kenji in the same story.
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brythain
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by brythain » Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:53 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon Jul 08, 2019 12:25 pm
Well, that was fun.
And I think it is one of the VERY few stories pairing Shizune and Kenji :-)
Are you mocking me?! I wrote some of those stories! :D
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:49 am

brythain wrote:
Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:53 am
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon Jul 08, 2019 12:25 pm
Well, that was fun.
And I think it is one of the VERY few stories pairing Shizune and Kenji :-)
Are you mocking me?! I wrote some of those stories! :D
As did I :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Oddball
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by Oddball » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:32 am

brythain wrote:
Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:53 am
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon Jul 08, 2019 12:25 pm
Well, that was fun.
And I think it is one of the VERY few stories pairing Shizune and Kenji :-)
Are you mocking me?! I wrote some of those stories! :D
Obviously he means you don't count.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:49 am
As did I :-)
And neither do you.

Dammit, Mirage, stop picking on Mirage!

Oh, and I really like this line.
It sounds like two leaf blowers trying to suck each other in
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Oddball
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Re: Lighting Electric Candles (Rin)

Post by Oddball » Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:12 am

I like the style and the interesting twist at the end. it could have been a bit longer though. Some more setup could have sold the story better.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jul 13, 2019 9:48 am

Sorry, Mirage, I didn't mean to pick on you... And you neither, brythain :oops:
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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sgtpepper
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by sgtpepper » Wed Jul 17, 2019 1:50 pm

Oddball wrote:
Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:32 am
Oh, and I really like this line.
It sounds like two leaf blowers trying to suck each other in
If I had written this story from Hisao's perspective, I would've mentioned the earmuffs he has to wear to avoid being deafended by Misha's orgasmic screaming. Perhaps fodder for another day...

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sgtpepper
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Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Oneshot thread)

Post by sgtpepper » Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:53 pm

Hey

I've written enough oneshots that it seems dumb to keep making new threads, so this will be my new oneshot thread.

Here are my current oneshots.
Lighting Electric Candles (2/15/19)
The Involuntary Lock-In (5/29/19)
Shizune's Guide to Board Games as Negotiation Tool (7/6/19)



I'll append the list as I keep writing, of course :)

NuclearStudent
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by NuclearStudent » Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:37 am

You've made your last delivery, Shizune. Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.
I have a new favourite from among the contest entries. Fairly snappy from the get-go. But I do have a question.

Why the first couple of paragraphs about Hisao blushing over the fact he's doing Misha? I felt like those could have been omitted and the beginning trimmed down. Because it's not much of a plot point, the casual reference to Misha and Hisao doing it doesn't need the setup.

Secondary concerns:

How does one contort their face into a neutral expression? Almost by definition, neutrality involves no contortion, just flat control.

How aware is Shizune of the range of sounds? It's not intuitively obvious that a struggle would be heard next door, particularly because the dorms aren't constructed in a standard pattern. Even if it's Shizune, I'd imagine she'd ask about this.

Why are Misha and Hisao fucking? This is subjective, but that seems somewhat un-Hisaoish to me. Wouldn't Hisao be worried about Shizune and standing by in case he needs to intervene?

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sgtpepper
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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by sgtpepper » Sat Jul 20, 2019 1:41 pm

NuclearStudent wrote:
Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:37 am

Why the first couple of paragraphs about Hisao blushing over the fact he's doing Misha? I felt like those could have been omitted and the beginning trimmed down. Because it's not much of a plot point, the casual reference to Misha and Hisao doing it doesn't need the setup.

Secondary concerns:

How does one contort their face into a neutral expression? Almost by definition, neutrality involves no contortion, just flat control.

How aware is Shizune of the range of sounds? It's not intuitively obvious that a struggle would be heard next door, particularly because the dorms aren't constructed in a standard pattern. Even if it's Shizune, I'd imagine she'd ask about this.

Why are Misha and Hisao fucking? This is subjective, but that seems somewhat un-Hisaoish to me. Wouldn't Hisao be worried about Shizune and standing by in case he needs to intervene?
To answer your first and last question, Shizune's encounters with Hisao at the beginning of the story and again in the middle of the story are supposed to imply that Misha and Hisao are dating, hence them spending some... time... together.

I agree, "contorting" your face into a neutral expression was just poor word choice on my part. In my defense, though, as this was a contest entry, I couldn't exactly get it checked by anyone without feeling like I was going against the spirit of the contest.

I put Misha and Shizune's dormrooms next door to each other because that's how I figured things were in the actual game, seeing as Misha is Shizune's interpreter. Just creative license.

Hisao isn't worried about Shizune because he knows, deep down, Kenji isn't dangerous, and knows that Shizune can handle herself. While it would've been funny to put Hisao in the corner of the room, watching to make sure Kenji didn't try anything, I think I picked a more realistic option.

I liked the questions, thank you!

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Re: Shizune's Guide to Board Games as a Negotiation Tool

Post by NuclearStudent » Sat Jul 20, 2019 2:24 pm

To answer your first and last question, Shizune's encounters with Hisao at the beginning of the story and again in the middle of the story are supposed to imply that Misha and Hisao are dating, hence them spending some... time... together.
Oh, I meant it the other way around. I thought it was repeated too much.

It okay

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sgtpepper
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Studying in the Meantime

Post by sgtpepper » Sat Oct 26, 2019 9:50 pm

The following post was written in response to Stiles Long's writing contest. Each participant was given a list of KS character pairings and a list of locations. One of each was chosen for this fic.
My hand found its way to the top of my alarm clock, connecting with it and silencing its beeping. Normally, this being Sunday, I would be sleeping in, but this is also the Sunday before final exams began. While I would probably do decently well as things are right now, a few subjects had me worried to the point where I enlisted someone to help me study.

I got dressed and left my room, walking down the halls towards the staircase.

Shizune was waiting for me outside the boys dorm. I thought she smiled when she saw me, but as I grew closer I discovered she was actually smirking.

I already had prepared for this.

["I know what you're thinking."]

She signed back, ["What? That my lovely boyfriend came crawling back to me for help when he suddenly realized his exams were tomorrow?"]

I rolled my eyes playfully. ["I didn't wait that long."]

["It was 2 AM when you texted me asking for help, Hisao."]

["To be fair, I wouldn't be needing your help if we actually studied half the times you called me over for a 'study session' in your room."]

She blushed, but maintained her smirk. ["And you had a problem with that?"]

["Not exactly, no."]

She moved her hands to sign something again, but I instead gently took one in my own hand and intertwined our fingers. She rolled her eyes at me but conceded, my arm falling limp by my side with her hand in mine as we began our walk to the school building.


The library was packed. Despite most libraries being relatively quiet places, the sheer number of people in the school library meant there was a low hum of people studying with a large study group or with friends. Yuuko looked a little stressed as she sat behind the circulation desk - no doubt this was one of the busiest days of the year for the sleepy library.

Shizune got my attention and signed, ["I don't know what I was really expecting."]

["Yeah, it's one of those things where you hope it won't be as bad as you think it'll be but it totally is."]

She paused, and then signed, ["I'll look in the back and see if there's anywhere we can sit. You search up here."]

I nodded. I started off, slowly walking around the library scanning for empty seats. Practically everyone I'd met here at Yamaku was in here. I saw Rin and Emi at one table as I walked past, Emi looking significantly more stressed out than Rin. The only person missing is...

Kenji. Oh God, not today.

I tried to walk past him inconspicuously but he still saw me.

"Oh, hey dude. What're you doing here?"

I turned to face him. He'd forgone his normal scarf and jacket combo for just his uniform shirt and scarf.

"Studying for my exams tomorrow."

Kenji's eyes slightly widened when he heard me say that, like he'd forgotten something very, very important. I basically knew the answer to my question, but I asked anyway.

"Are you here studying too?"

"What? No, I'm not studying. I have a book to return. Actually, I should've returned it three months ago according to that piece of paper in the back."

He held up a book, "Advanced Cryptology and Codes". Sometimes I'm amazed how he both defies and perfectly conforms to my expectations at the same time.

"So you're going to turn the book in and hope she doesn't notice it's three months overdue?"

"What? No, that'd be stupid. Watch and learn, dude. Watch and learn."

Kenji walked away from where we'd been standing and took a seat at one of the tables near the circulation desk.

He then silently stood up and moved one seat closer to the circulation desk where Yuuko sat.

He repeated this a couple of times until he was at the seat closest to the circulation desk.

He then winked at me and held up three fingers, silently miming a countdown from three to one.

Suddenly, Kenji leapt up from the table so hard he knocked his chair over.

"AVAST, YE HARBINGER OF FEMINISM! I, KENJI THE MIGHTY, WIL-"

BAM

Yuuko smacked Kenji. With a book.

Kenji hit the ground faster than a yakuza informant. Yuuko gave a small shriek and immediately fell to his side.

"Kenji?! Kenji, are you okay? Ohmygod, they're going to fire me for sure! I just hit a student with a book!"

I gave up trying to process the scene before me a long time ago. I stood there like a man witnessing a horrible traffic accident, unable to draw his eyes away from the sheer display of destruction happening before him. I tried to open my mouth to say something like "well, on the bright side Yuuko, only 90% of the library probably heard you knock him out!" or "hey, at least he finally shut up!" but I couldn't say anything. Maybe I should go.

I didn't get much studying done that day, even with Shizune's help.

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