Yamaku Book Club (20191202 The Pusher)

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Feurox
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190204 We, The Council)

Post by Feurox » Mon Feb 11, 2019 8:46 am

We, The Council

I like this story a lot, most likely because of Misha's role. I always find it interesting to see Misha's role as an interpreter, and I find that Megumeru did a good job transforming Misha into more than just a scatter-brained voice for Shizune, who I found to be presented less favourably. Despite liking the character of Shizune a lot, I've got to echo Oddball's thoughts on how her characterisation is handled in this story however, she doesn't come across as necessarily 'unlikeable' but I don't find that it does her any favours.


The style is...interesting. Sometimes it works really well, particularly in the first part. But things fall apart, like the tense. Coupled with the sometimes odd phrasing of things, there are some odd moments. Luckily, these issues are fairly few - but it certainly detracts overall where and when it rears it's head.


This is a sad read - but I think it's one worth reading. It's got some poetic moments, which I'm a big fan of and it's overall got some beautifuly tragic moments. It was nice to re-read it that's for sure.

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Katawa Shoujo - Pentameter style)

Post by Oddball » Sat Feb 16, 2019 2:33 pm

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And now for something completely different.


I received a message specifically asking for the bookclub to cover this next one. It's not quite the stuff we normally do, but it's interesting enough that I feel we can take a look.

Katawa Shoujo - Pentameter style by Mirage_GSM.


I have to say it's a bit of a fascinating read. It feels, for lack of a better term classy . Amazing what a bit of iambic pentameter can do to a story.
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190218 KS Pentameter)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Mon Feb 25, 2019 8:29 pm

I wish I had more to say but the idea of the story written in iambic pentameter just doesn't interest me. I recognize that it took skill and effort to do it, but it simply isn't my thing, so to speak. Still a good meme though.
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brythain
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190218 KS Pentameter)

Post by brythain » Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:25 pm

The technical use of English-language iambic pentameter is fine, but the rigid devotion to it makes the whole thing seem like a stilted exercise in ingenious formality. I suspect that wasn't the point, though. It made for a good joke, and Mirage must have enjoyed doing it.

On a side note, anyone else trying to do this should learn the concept of 'mora', stressed syllables or beats—which the Greeks used in their original version. The mainstream (well, nowadays) canon poet who comes closest to this is G M Hopkins, who used something called 'sprung rhythm' — where the stressed syllable count is more important than the number of syllables overall.
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190218 KS Pentameter)

Post by ProfAllister » Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:46 am

We, the Council

The phrasing and flow of the story reminded me of a movie script, despite not being in script style. Alternately, you could say it almost feels like some bizarre sort of nature documentary.

Content-wise, it's decent enough. Reasonably good characterisation, etc. I have to admit that I very much dislike the "everyone forgot my birthday" transition into "no they didn't! People really do love me!" The whole sequence seems unnecessary cruel and sadistic (for the writer) and uncharacteristically thoughtless (for the target's loved ones). I don't think the happiness of "I'm not actually surrounded by assholes!" really makes up for it.

Add in the strangeness of the AU elements of a significantly larger Student Council, and I'm inclined to call this "a solid effort, but ultimately unsuccessful."

Katawa Shoujo Pentameter

This is a tricky one. It's technically solid, which is pretty much the best you can expect from a translation of prose into poetry.

The issue comes more in the choice of meter and rhyming scheme. In the English-speaking world, iambic pentameter is most directly related to Shakespeare. However, Shakespeare used blank verse in iambic pentameter because it most closely resembled the natural cadence of spoken English. As a result, iambic pentameter with a rhyming scheme tends to have a mildly uncanny effect.

To counteract this effect, I would have gone with a different metric scheme. Going back to Shakespeare, he used trochaic tetrameter with a rhyming scheme for otherworldly or supernatural beings ("Double, double, toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble..."). Another option would be the metric schemes used in old or middle English poetry (I've got a fondness for the Bob and Wheel, but there are lots of great options).
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190218 KS Pentameter)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:05 pm

The issue comes more in the choice of meter and rhyming scheme. In the English-speaking world, iambic pentameter is most directly related to Shakespeare. However, Shakespeare used blank verse in iambic pentameter because it most closely resembled the natural cadence of spoken English.
Interesting, I didn't know that. I learned about Iambic Pentameter in Latin class and never with Shakespeare as an example. I did read a lot of Shakespeare but most of that was back when I was still learning English in school, and my skills were not up to an analysis like that.

That said, if I had known I probably would have done it the same way. I wrote this piece mostly as a challenge to myself (and yes, of course it also was fun), and using "just" iambic pentameter without paying attention to rhyme schemes would have felt like "cheating"... Also I'm not sure how many of the readers would have even noticed the cadences if not for the rhymes...
As a result, iambic pentameter with a rhyming scheme tends to have a mildly uncanny effect. To counteract this effect, I would have gone with a different metric scheme. Going back to Shakespeare, he used trochaic tetrameter...
And that's also a bit funny because when I looked up trochaic tetrameter just now I came upon this:
"Because English tradition is so strongly iambic, some feel that trochaic meters have an awkward or unnatural feel to the ear."
But to be fair to the modern English speaker I think both kinds of metric schemes probably sound a bit unnatural...

Edit: Another reason to use pentameter over tetrameter is that more syllables give you more possibilities to rearrange sentences and/or swap out single words to make everything fit in the end.
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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Irish Stout)

Post by Oddball » Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:02 pm

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Irish Stout by Mealforthree

This is a short but impactful one. It's not happy. In fact, i think it has a very classic noir feeling at the start of it. Supposedly this was going to be the prolgue to a longer work. I'm not sure how they would have worked out giving the ending (which i won't spoil yet) even if the ending line is probably the weakest part of it.

Of course it's also quite possible that the ending was going to be a fakeout. I guess we'll never know.
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190304 Irish Stout)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Tue Mar 05, 2019 12:48 am

Well that was fucking depressing. I don't know how much I want to say out of fear of spoiling the story. The reveals are the main thing it has going for it. They're delivered effectively, I just don't like where they go...

Scrolling through the rest of the thread real quick, I got scared for a moment that it broke some kind of rule when I saw Silentcook posting in it, but then I realized it was just because someone responded with "MOAR" lol (I think this breaks the rule about no requesting?)
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190304 Irish Stout)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Mar 05, 2019 5:02 pm

Well... I honestly can't remember having read this one before. I probably did, I just did a good job forgetting about it.
And now you have to drag it back into the light...

I generally don't like stories that are written solely for the shock effect, and even among those this is one of the worse ones.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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sgtpepper
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190304 Irish Stout)

Post by sgtpepper » Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:42 pm

"Wow look how edgy I am": The fanfic

CurioTwitch
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190304 Irish Stout)

Post by CurioTwitch » Mon Mar 11, 2019 3:11 am

Huh. Right then.

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yagamirai
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190304 Irish Stout)

Post by yagamirai » Tue Mar 12, 2019 2:01 pm

#2edgy4me. this fic seems to rely on being shocking for the sake of being shocking and not having much else going for it. the imagery and language were clearly meant to be evocative, but failed to do anything for me emotionally other than vaguely irritate me.

definitely not a fic i'd recommend or care to read again.

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Yamaku's Cheshire Cat)

Post by Oddball » Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:06 pm

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Yamaku's Cheshire Cat by CloudGrain.

This time around, we have a story about Miki and Hanako, everybody's favorite two dark haired girls*.

It's short, it's cute, it's got more backstory than it needs.

I actually like the details it goes into with Miki and Hanako's interactions. There's a lot of personality there.












*That's right, Shizune and Molly fans. I said it. What are you gonna do about it?
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190318 Yamaku's Cheshire Cat)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:48 am

It's over too fast! I wanted more time with this pairing. I may or may not be biased because it's a story about Hanako and another girl!
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Scroff
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190318 Yamaku's Cheshire Cat)

Post by Scroff » Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:16 am

I agree with the 'copter! I really enjoyed the Miki/Hisao scenes in Hanako's route and this story slots neatly into that continuity. We know what Miki thinks about Hanako from those scenes so it's nice to get the other side of the coin in the story. If there had been more to the kitchen scene then it would have felt more balanced, but it's a little tricky to work out how much more teasing Miki would have been comfortable in dishing out, and how much more Hanako could take before she gottogodosomething

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