Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memories)

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Suzaku
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Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memories)

Post by Suzaku » Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:32 pm

So, i decided instead of making a third chapter 1 on an old thread and confusing people, I would shift to a different title and try again there. If that isn't acceptable, please tell me so I can fix it.

Act 1: Sunrise
Chapter 1: Lost Memories

Chapter 1

Beep...Beep...Beep

What's... that noise? I.. Am I in a hospital? Oh yeah. I have been in here for a few days. Just great.

Suddenly, I wake up. The nurse next to me notices, and goes presumably to bring in the doctor.

Who am I? What? I still can't... remember anything. Dammit.

The doctor walks in, a smug air about him. God, I hate doctors.

“Finally awake, I see.” he says, chuckling. What is this doctor even laughing at?

He continues, looking at his clipboard. “Do you remember anything since the last time you woke up?”

“No, I keep telling you, it is useless to ask.”

He frowns. “I see.. Fortunately, we have found a temporary place for you, at least until someone claims you. Yamaku Academy specializes in these sort of things, and recently they allowed for some exceptional cases. Luckily for you, you aren't one of them.”

Screw off. "So you are sending me to a loony bin.” I scoffed at this notion. I'm not a crazy person, and I sure as heck won't cozy up to any.

The doctor frowned. “Those people are as human as you are. Now let's discuss the terms and conditions of your stay...”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To be honest, this school looks somewhat old. The place isn't too shabby at first look, what with the huge gates and the grandiose front entrance. Could use a bit of work, though. Still think this is a loony bin though. Someone approaches, and I look in his direction. Wait, is that the guy I was told to meet outside the front gates? Upon closer inspection, I notice he is wearing a brown jacket with a white suit, as well as brown pants. He looks ruffled, or at least his messy hair gives off that impression. To be honest, if he is a teacher, he does not give that impression off.

He clears his throat. “Satoshi Fujimoto, I take it? I'm Hisao Nakai.” Oh. Gotta remind myself to write that down, at least until I can remember it again. He continues: “So you are the new student. I'm the teacher in charge of you, I guess.” He chuckles akwardly, clearly somewhat new to this whole thing. Great. I have to deal with this guy for a while, I guess.

“So what do I need to do?” I ask.

“Your room is already prepped, just put on the uniform and come to my class when you are done. I'm in the first room to the right on the second floor.” He leaves, with a long stride.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well. The dorm is generally plain, with a white paint-job and plain looking floral curtains and bed sheets. Nakai seems to have set me up with a laptop, for class purposes, I assume, and some uniforms. I look at the standard uniform. Ehh, plain, but it will do. I put it on, and making sure it is straight, I walk on to his class.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He's outside, waiting for me. Why does this guy even bother? Not like I'm running away or anything, I'm stuck here.

“Do you want to introduce yourself to the class or no? I mean, I don't mind if you don't.”

> Introduce yourself
Nah.

“Guess I will. No harm there.”

As I walk into the class, I notice quite a few faces. There's a girl with navy blue hair sitting next to a girl who's hair is so pink, that it can't be natural. One girl is off in the corner, with messy chocolate brown hair and a blank stare. She seems... off. I see a blond girl sleeping, her hair in a ponytail. Is Nakai that boring? I think. Then, I notice next to her, one of the most distinct people in class. She has almost purple-shaded hair, with glasses on. She is surprised, and started trembling when I walked into the room. Guess she's got anxiety issues? I then realise I have not spoken for a solid minute.

Nakai then speaks up. “OK, we have a new student here! Fujimoto, introduce yourself!” He says it with a goofy smile, but I realise I am incredibly unprepeared.

“...Hey... I'm Satoshi Fujimoto...” Dammit, what to say?! “I like... to play video games.”

Aww shit. I screwed up. The blue-haired girl from earlier stares at me, as if I had become a ghost.

Nakai chuckles. “All right! I'll have you work with her!” He points at the blue-haired girl, and I gulp. This year is suuuure gonna be fun...

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memor

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:58 pm

I'm not quite sure how this is supposed to be a redo of your other story. So far there don't seem to be any fairytale creatures around, and it seems to be set quite a bit in the future of the other one.

I know I often complain about too much exposition in the first chapters of some stories - e.g. when the protagonist is simply monologueing his life story for the reader to absorb... This is going towards the other extreme...

Finally when he notices the four girls (all in one paragraph - I'd at least set them apart a bit) he is doubting the pink hair colour, but the purple and blue are okay? :lol:
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Suzaku
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Re: Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memor

Post by Suzaku » Thu Nov 02, 2017 4:46 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:I'm not quite sure how this is supposed to be a redo of your other story. So far there don't seem to be any fairytale creatures around, and it seems to be set quite a bit in the future of the other one.

I know I often complain about too much exposition in the first chapters of some stories - e.g. when the protagonist is simply monologueing his life story for the reader to absorb... This is going towards the other extreme...

Finally when he notices the four girls (all in one paragraph - I'd at least set them apart a bit) he is doubting the pink hair colour, but the purple and blue are okay? :lol:

I meant as in "screw it, this is getting nowhere, time to make the same story in the same timeline but alter it for interest."

And the exposition about him is revealed through flashbacks later. Yes, he doubts the pink lol. I'm reflecting how Hisao never seems to notice "oh, Shizune has blue hair"

Suzaku
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Re: Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memor

Post by Suzaku » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:15 pm

The 2 girls scoot their chairs closer. I notice the blue-haired one seems almost closed in. At least, that's how it appears. The taller of the two speaks.

“Heyo! I'm Ayaka! Setzuko and I will help you with getting around!” The other girl nods in confirmation. She clearly seems uncomfortable with me. What gives?

I look at the problems, and sigh. I hate this stuff. What unit are we on again?

“I can help out. So see, here's the equation...”

After Setzuko helps me, I realize she's not as bad as I first assumed. I might take a shine to some of the students here, if I can.


“So! Wanna hang out with us?”

“I would, but I don't have a lunch, and I want to explore the school.”

Setzuko interjects bluntly, throwing me off. “Downstairs, there's the cafeteria. If you ever need anything, talk to us.” They then turn to leave. What's up with her? She's oddly blunt and not exactly normal in behavior, considering how she was fidgeting in class. Also, she was kinda cute...

Wait, what am I thinking?!



After getting my lunch, I discover a room that appears barely used. I peep in it, and lo and behold. The sleeping girl from class is there. Her blond hair shines in the sun, making her a sight to behold. Oh yeah, that's her partner in there too. The jittery girl. What were their names again?

“OY!”

I jump, startled at the girl's sudden yell. Damn, she sure is loud. The other girl flinched as well, seemingly agreeing with me.

“Ahh, sorry. You can come in!” She sputters.

I sit down, and immediately, the other girl squirms. She's not used to other people in here, I guess. Now that I get a chance to look at her, I notice although she's quite cute, what with her small glasses and hair, she's also almost toothpick levels of thin.

“So I'm Sara, and she's Aki. Oh, by the way, want some tea or coffee?”

[i[Aki. That's a nice name... Oh right, focus Satoshi![/i] “Tea, I guess I've never particularly liked coffee. Too bitter.”

Aki sputters “D-do you want...sugar with it?”

I look at her more clearly, and realize that she might not just be overly shy. Her anxiety levels must be off the charts.

“No thanks” I reply, trying to ease her. Instead she just turns even redder. I really hope she dosen't faint right here. Thankfully, she doesn't. I thank her for the tea, and start drinking. “SHIT!”

Sara laughs. “Ya gotta wait for it to cool, Sato-kun.”

Sato-kun? She seems a bit TOO friendly right off the bat.

“So, you up for a game of Go? Aki here is really good at these kinda games!”

She blushes, clearly surprised, but then her expression changes into a smile as I set up the board.


With her almost unbreakable defense and greater wit, Aki beat me soundly.

Well then, this was an utter humiliation. “Good game.”

She gives a weak smile. The bell then rings, and she cleans up the board.

“See you, Sato! If you need anything be sure to ask.” Sara shouts after me.

Setzuko said the same thing. These students are actually pretty helpful. Maybe I should change my view on this school. After all, I'm not leaving anytime soon.



After my next class, Mr. Nakai stops me. “You have a meeting with the counselor. When you are ready, go downstairs from this floor and to your immediate left is her room.”

Another annoyance? Might as well deal with this one as soon as I can.

I walk into her room, clearly bothered by this whole idea. However, I stop in my tracks after opening the door. The office itself feels sorta homely, and is painted a more natural color than the off-white of half of the school. There's a couch, as well as a desk, at which the counselor sits at. And HOLY CRAP, I never thought I saw a counselor this... different. She's got long purple hair, and is quite tall and homely looking. Her attire is more casual than I expected. She rises her head, and speaks up.

“Satoshi, I presume?”

I nod, too shocked to verbalize. Half of her face appears burnt. I realize she's probably no ordinary person.

“Ahh, my husband must have sent you here.” She frowns with disapproval. “He's never clear about these matters. Anyways, I'm Mrs. Nakai.”

-------------------------------------

Ok, so I'm not sure how this is going, I'm under a lot of stress, so my work may be subpar.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memor

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:19 pm

Setzuko is not a name. Setsuko is, though not really a common one.

Is there a reason your characters are carbon copies of those in the VN? Since you said you didn't know where this story is supposed to go yourself I somehow doubt it...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Suzaku
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Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2017 11:18 am

Re: Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memor

Post by Suzaku » Thu Nov 30, 2017 5:52 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Setzuko is not a name. Setsuko is, though not really a common one.

Is there a reason your characters are carbon copies of those in the VN? Since you said you didn't know where this story is supposed to go yourself I somehow doubt it...
I'm trying to develop their character, but stress and other factors lead me to produce a sub-optimal mess. I also self-veto most of my own ideas. And thanks for the heads up.

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Oddball
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Re: Faded Memories - Finding my Life (A redo of Fading Memor

Post by Oddball » Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:21 pm

Suzaku wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Setzuko is not a name. Setsuko is, though not really a common one.

Is there a reason your characters are carbon copies of those in the VN? Since you said you didn't know where this story is supposed to go yourself I somehow doubt it...
I'm trying to develop their character, but stress and other factors lead me to produce a sub-optimal mess. I also self-veto most of my own ideas. And thanks for the heads up.
Figure out who your characters are before you go further. Right now what you've got seems rather bland.
Not Dead Yet

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