update I guess!
I'm on the new medication, it's made the hypomania and anxiety worse, actually. pretty self destructive right now, but at least I'm borderline enjoying
it? maybe I can channel it into something useful like exercise or something? I hope I can, right now, every other night is a bit of a shitstorm of anxiety, bad compulsions and intrusive thoughts. I'll get there eventually though. I took up yoga and I'm starting to do more exercise, so maybe being healthier and stronger will help?
in terms of actual treatment, I got rejected from counselling and CBT because my issues are 'too severe' and 'too long-term', which.. I don't know how to feel about? these people are supposed to be able to treat bad mental health problems, if they can't treat me then who can? anyway, I'm being referred back to get assessed again, that'll happen at the end of next month, let's hope it'll do something for me. my sister was referred to the same place and though she's almost always suicidal, was badly mistreated and told she didn't deserve treatment. I'm worrying about her, but right now I really need to focus on myself. all I can do is provide her with support, I think, so I will do that and try and let go of all those other worries.
all my best wishes to you guys, it sounds like the world is harsh as ever, but from what I've read you're a tough bunch of people. you got this.
Penindes wrote:I'm pretty sure even She forgot me already. I hope she did. .
unrequited feelings are awful, I'm so sorry you're going through this.. I'm not sure if it'd make you feel any better to think that she probably didn't actually mean to lie to you? she's probably confused by it too, often you can't choose who you fall for, and often it's surprising. she probably hasn't forgotten you. true friendships are something really special and incredibly important, and it hurts to lose them. if she doesn't miss you, then she probably didn't deserve you.
I agree with others in that I think you might need to see a doctor or something, even if it's not a chronic form of depression, it seems to have severely hurt you, and it's better to look into how you can help yourself out of that horrible feeling sooner rather than later.
I.. sort of understand you here? I had a very close friend, we understood each other so so deeply and talked every day. even when she moved to the other side of the world, we still talked all the time. one day something happened that drove us apart, and we talked less. we both got boyfriends. years later, she moved on and got a girlfriend, and it's only now, now I know I could've had a chance with her romantically, that I realise I have always had strong romantic feelings for her.. it hurts every time I think about her. logically I know that back then, we had no chance, we're both girls and her parents are really... sort of crazy actually.. but it still hurts. it still feels like a missed opportunity. I'm slowly moving past it, but.. yeah.
it takes time. it'll take time for you too, but I'm sure you'll get there.
like everyone else here, the only thing I can really offer you is someone to talk to
good luck, pal xx