Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

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dewelar
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by dewelar » Sat Mar 07, 2015 1:30 am

Well, since people are talking about my story over here, I thought I'd give it a look-see. I've read all four parts, and so far I'd say it's pretty good. A few minor spelling/grammar issues, but nothing to get worked up over. As for the story itself, I'm not sure I'd call it angsty just yet -- I'd certainly call it dark, especially the sections focusing on Hanako, but not angsty dark so much as gritty dark. It's something you don't see often in KS fanfic, at least IME, which certainly doesn't make it a bad thing, but this type of story typically isn't my cup of tea. Still, I'll hang in there for now because it's got some promise. I'm interested to see how Hisao and Lilly wound up in the type of relationship they're in, for instance. It's just a shame that it's going to be mainly over on FF.net, since I dislike their layout and navigation style, but that's just me :) . Anyway, good luck with this going forward!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 4:32 am

Sorry for the long break between updates, I'm sure you guys know how it is. It was really hard for me to write this chapter for some reason, which is strange since it's still following the plot outline I originally wrote.

Chapter 5

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Alpacalypse » Sun Jul 26, 2015 5:09 am

Jeez, I thought this was dead by this point. Glad to have been proven wrong, this stuff's great! :D

I've gotta say, I still really like this. Sure, it may require that I push myself through some of the "ouch" moments I'm the kind of person who finds it hard to read those kind of misfortunes, but I think this is probably the best gritty-dark piece of fiction on the forums; that I've read, at the very least.

Keep up the good work, jjm! I'll be interested to see where this goes *tips hat* :wink:
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
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I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
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I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 5:36 am

Alpacalypse wrote:Jeez, I thought this was dead by this point. Glad to have been proven wrong, this stuff's great! :D

I've gotta say, I still really like this. Sure, it may require that I push myself through some of the "ouch" moments I'm the kind of person who finds it hard to read those kind of misfortunes, but I think this is probably the best gritty-dark piece of fiction on the forums; that I've read, at the very least.

Keep up the good work, jjm! I'll be interested to see where this goes *tips hat* :wink:
Yeah, I didn't mean to drop this for so long. I actually feel kind of bad about it. Poor Hana-chan, she'll never find happiness if I keep throwing shit on her and then never finish the story ;)

It will probably take me ages to actually complete this since I plotted it out like a novel. Just to give you an idea, we are probably 2-3 chapters short right now of the 1st act being completed (of a typical 5 act drama arc). So Estimated time to completion is sometime in 2024 lol.

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Alpacalypse » Sun Jul 26, 2015 6:01 am

jjm152 wrote:So Estimated time to completion is sometime in 2024 lol.
Well, I've got nothing better to be doing :lol:
Guess I'll be sticking around.
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
---
I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
---
I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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brythain
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by brythain » Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:10 am

jjm152 wrote:Estimated time to completion is sometime in 2024 lol.
2024 is... quite a significant year for me. :D
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Sun Jul 26, 2015 9:11 am

brythain wrote:
jjm152 wrote:Estimated time to completion is sometime in 2024 lol.
2024 is... quite a significant year for me. :D
Yeah, we know..you cold-hearted jerk. :(

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sat Aug 01, 2015 2:48 pm

Chapter 6 is up.

Hisao catches up with Mutou, Lilly and Akira bicker and look for Hanako. This one has an explosive ending.

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by azumeow » Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:11 pm

Oh boy. That....

uhhhh.....

Yeah, that's....I wonder what the odds of being involved in two catastrophic fires in a lifetime are? Let alone surviving two...
"I don’t want to be here anymore, I know there’s nothing left worth staying for.
Your paradise is something I’ve endured
See I don’t think I can fight this anymore, I’m listening with one foot out the door
And something has to die to be reborn-I don’t want to be here anymore"

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:11 pm

jjm152 wrote:Chapter 6 is up.

Hisao catches up with Mutou, Lilly and Akira bicker and look for Hanako. This one has an explosive ending.
You're cold, unlike that ending.

jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:18 pm

azumeow wrote:Oh boy. That....

uhhhh.....

Yeah, that's....I wonder what the odds of being involved in two catastrophic fires in a lifetime are? Let alone surviving two...
Well, considering it's quite obvious the story isn't close to being over I'd say the odds are pretty much close to 100%. That doesn't mean of course, everything is going to be fine... HEH HEH HEH.

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:21 pm

HoneyBakedHam wrote:
jjm152 wrote:Chapter 6 is up.

Hisao catches up with Mutou, Lilly and Akira bicker and look for Hanako. This one has an explosive ending.
You're cold, unlike that ending.
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: Nothing makes me giddier than a schoolgirl than ending a chapter on a cliffhanger.

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Hesmiyu
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Hesmiyu » Sat Aug 01, 2015 5:04 pm

HoneyBakedHam wrote:You're cold, unlike that ending.
Heyy, Hanako may now be even on the face once she's recovered, I'm sorry :P. Hanako's my 2nd favourite route in the game :).
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The line above is true.

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My art: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=10190
Swim story(Currently 11 chapters long) http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10221

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Sat Aug 01, 2015 10:10 pm

Hesmiyu wrote:
HoneyBakedHam wrote:You're cold, unlike that ending.
Heyy, Hanako may now be even on the face once she's recovered, I'm sorry :P. Hanako's my 2nd favourite route in the game :).
I thought my bacon was half-cooked for a second there... ;)

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dewelar
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by dewelar » Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:09 am

Catching up with this. Still decently written, with a lot of really nice detail. There are a few more things that make me wonder if perhaps you could use a proofreader, but given that it's on another site I'm too lazy to c'n'p them over here due to their relatively minor nature. I'm not sure what to make of the relationship here between the sisters Satou. Yeah, it's ten years later, so you expect some changes, but in places it feels like they haven't known each other that long. I won't touch the cliffhanger ATM, other than to say that there are things that it seems to be telegraphing that I'm not sure I want to see. Image Still following this, though.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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