Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 3)

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 1)

Post by Req » Mon Apr 06, 2015 9:18 pm

hi "Why was it so important for you to win?"

"Miki doesn't respond immediately, as if it didn't register. Maybe it was the wrong question to ask. She clears her throat, brushing her bangs out of her face."

mk "I run because it's something I can do just as good as I used to."

hi "Before…?"

mk "Before the accident."

mk "I'd play lots of sports with my brothers and my dad."

mk "When I had my accident, my dad wouldn't let me work in the shop anymore and wouldn't let my brothers play sports with me."

mk "Everyone started treating me like I was so fragile. I hated it, so I focused on running to show them I'm still the same."

"I'm reminded of my stay in the hospital. Out here I have the luxury of looking more or less normal, but in there my classmates, Iwanako and my parents all would look at me with such pity that I preferred to be alone."

mk "Then my mom came home one day and told me I was gonna enroll at this place."

mk "I begged both my parents not to, especially after I found out how expensive this place is, but it was no use."

mk "To them, I'm not the person I was anymore. I know they love me, but it feels like they treat me like less than a person because there's less of me."

mk "My only consolation when I got here was the Track and Field Club."

mk "My mom didn't approve of it. She still tells me she sent me here so I'd "have access to facilities that allow me to focus on my studies". If it was up to her she'd probably sign me up for the Literature or Newspaper Clubs."

mk "I don't care about any of that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life cooped up in some stuffy office."

mk "All I want is for them to see me for me. I'm still the same and not some frail thing that's gonna follow in my mom's footsteps instead."

mk "I thought showing my parents I'm still a great athlete would prove I'm not what they think I am and maybe I'd get to come home."

mk "I was such an idiot."

hi "So that's why you needed to win."

"She nods as fresh tears make their way down."

mk "I couldn't even do that and now I messed up my last chance."

hi "Miki… Even if you had won, it wouldn't change anything."

hi "Winning a race isn't going to undo everything leading up to it. You have to realize that, don't you?"

"She nods, not entirely convinced."

hi "It wouldn't have made your parents decide to take you out of Yamaku. Even if we don't feel like we belong here and don't see the reasons why our parents decided to send us here for ourselves, we can't pretend we're still the same and only the world around us has changed."

hi "The only thing you can do is tell your parents what you told me."

hi "As much as I hate to say it, my heart condition is a disability that I have to accept. I can't go back and prevent it and it's not just going to go away on its own. It's part of who I am now. Not all of me, just a part of me."

hi "It's no different for you. You're a great person and without you I don't think I'd bother to go for a run every morning, but you can't go back in time any more than I can. You need to accept who you are now, instead of who you used to be."

"Miki rubs her eyes with her right hand, wiping the tears on her shorts."

mk "How?"

"I let my hand slip down her back and instead bring it up, offering a handshake."

hi "Nice to meet you, I'm Hisao Nakai. I still like arcade games, but I prefer reading now. My favorite subject is science and I have a heart condition."

"Miki looks from me to my outstretched hand, back to me again. She lets out a surprised chuckle and shakes my hand."

mk "Hi Hisao, I'm Miki Miura. I still like cars, my favorite subject is P.E. and I've only got one hand."

hi "Just like that. You're still you, less one hand. I think if you can come to terms with that, people will notice."

"She smiles and quirks an eyebrow as she emphatically stares at our hands. With more than a little reluctance I let go."

mk "Thanks… For coming here and stuff…"

"I grin like an idiot, but I take it as my cue. I get off the bed and make my way over to her door."

hi "If you feel up to it, I'll be at the track again tomorrow morning."

mk "Yeah… I'll try to look less like a zombie."

hi "You don't have to. It might make for good motivation."


"Miki's pillow hits me in the face before I catch it. I can't help but notice the scent of her hair on it while she laughs triumphantly. I throw the pillow back on the bed and open the door."

hi "See you tomorrow."

mk "See ya, cripple boy."

"The door closes quietly. I think things went well; the promise of seeing her at the track is enough to put me in a good mood."

"I'm sure the smile on my face will start more rumors before I make it out the door, but I can't bring myself to care."



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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 2)

Post by strange desire » Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:21 pm

Hi, Req! Indigo was one of the first fics I found after getting involved with the fandom; I think it was very soon after 2-8 Saturday Swings. I'm very glad that you've continued.

I like your writing style, especially how direct it feels. One of the things I liked the most about KS was that every line moved forward, and you've got a similar pace. There's heart and character and charm, but the story doesn't stumble to put that on show. It just happens naturally, and it's great. I'm eager for more! :D

Indigo also introduced me to the script format, and after trying it out myself, I can understand why you use it.

Did you do both illustrations in the thread?

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 2)

Post by Req » Wed Apr 15, 2015 4:49 pm

hey dude, glad you're enjoying it.
sad to say, only the last one is mine, the first pic from the opening post was commissioned.

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 2)

Post by Req » Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:17 pm

label en_M13

#Track, morning

#running footsteps

"Now that Miki has decided to show up for our morning runs again, I was hoping I'd get to show off my progress on the track."

"Unfortunately it didn't turn out that way. It took a lot of effort to keep up with her during our first lap and by now she's effortlessly pulling ahead of me."

#Miki grin

mk "Come on, are you running this slow on purpose?"

"It's hard to imagine this is the same girl that yesterday took so much convincing to even come out here."

"The Miki running ahead of me seems to be yearning to release all the pent up energy that spending a week in her room left her with."

"Wanting to taunt me some more, she spins and starts running backwards, grinning at me."

"With every step her body moves in ways that leave me trying to both keep from staring and to close the gap for a better view. I'm only human."

"For a few steps it seems like she's actually letting me catch up, but before I do she laughs and quickly turns around again."

"It only takes one more lap after that for me to throw in the towel and slow to a walk so I can cool down."

"Miki goes for another lap, then catches up to me. She is panting and a film of sweat is causing her skin to glisten."

mk "Are you done already? I feel like I could keep this up all morning!"

hi "Sorry, I think that in hindsight trying to keep up with you wasn't a good idea."

"Miki frowns, her bright face adopting the look of concern I recognize from the last time I tried to push myself too hard on this track. I brace myself for a lecture that I've more than earned."

"Instead, the frown vanishes and she claps my shoulder, grinning madly."

mk "Well look at you! Trying to catch up to your role model, are you?"

"She plants her hand on her hip, pretending to strike a pose."

"Role model? When did that happen? In any case, there's no way I'd admit to that and the truth would be even more embarrassing."

hi "I just thought you could use the competition after skipping out on your runs for a week."

"She narrows her eyes and my brain scrambles to save me."

hi "But it looks like you're still miles ahead of me. I'm impressed!"

#Miki smirk

"Fortunately she doesn't press the issue. Even if she's out and about, she doesn't seem eager to be reminded of the past week."

mk "You did pretty good on that first lap, though. Keep it up, cripple boy!"

"I smile despite feeling like an idiot for the way I handled this. Still, those simple words from her are all the encouragement I need to be an idiot for a little while longer."

hi "You know, I was thinking…"

mk "I could tell, your face tenses up when you do. What's on your mind?"

"My face tenses up? I never even realized. The more aware of it I become, the more I realize it's an embarrassing trait to have, like moving your lips when reading. Wait, am I doing it now?"

"I make an effort to keep my face carefully neutral, but the very act is contradictory and ends up making Miki laugh as she presents me an exaggerated version of my expression."

"I need to change the subject. What was I about to say again? Oh, right."

hi "Well… I was thinking that maybe I could join the Track and Field Club?"

#Miki surprised

mk "Really?"

hi "Yes. Obviously I wouldn't be able to compete or anything, but you guys look like you have fun when you're out here."

"I'm not about to tell her that I've thought of joining since I realized she wouldn't need me to help her train any more."

"Fortunately Miki seems to believe me, as she considers how I could contribute to the club."

mk "Plenty of us don't compete, it's more about having fun and pushing your own limits. Kind of like we're doing now, except with more people around."

mk "If ya want, I can introduce you to the captain after class?"

"I suddenly feel very self conscious. Joining the club might seem like a good idea in theory, but what if people work out that she's the reason I'm joining? What would they think? What would she think?"

hi "Well, I'm still just thinking about joining. I haven't made up my mind just yet."

"Miki sighs and brushes the bangs out of her face."

mk "Geez, do you ever do anything on impulse?"

"Way to go, now she thinks I'm a wet blanket."

hi "Sometimes. After this I might have fruit instead of cereal for breakfast. You know, impulsively."

"She gives me a level look and a playful shove. I have the feeling that she's a little disappointed as well."

mk "Ya do realize it doesn't count if you plan on being impulsive, don't you?"

"I put on a scowl, but Miki sees right through it."

mk "Well, whatever. I'm gonna go shower while you try to make up your mind, then. See you in class?"

hi "Of course."


"Joining the track team has been on my mind all day and thankfully the classes went by quickly. I've decided to join, and not just to spend time with Miki. Maybe I can expand my physical exercise a little as well."

"With my mind made up, I caught myself staring in Miki's direction a lot throughout the day, but I don't think she noticed."

"Her attention seemed to drift to anything except what the teachers had to say, focusing only to make a token gesture of writing down the assigned homework for each class."

"I'd have thought that sitting front row would mean she'd put more of an effort into looking attentive –or at least busy- but Miki acts as if she's daring the teachers to call her out on it."

"Mutou was the only one who took her up on this silent challenge, but Miki let the reprimand slip past her. From the look on his face it must have annoyed him."

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 2)

Post by Req » Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:18 pm

"The other teachers seemed content to let her be and treat Miki with the same regard she apparently holds for them. Maybe they will only put effort into students who want to be taught, but that doesn't seem right to me."

"Suzu mentioned her low grades. If she's in that kind of trouble, shouldn't the teachers try even harder to help her pass their classes?"

"Then again, maybe that's just the kind of entitlement that the teachers would disapprove of. We students aren't owed a passing grade. We have to put in the effort ourselves, but it's the teachers who should help us get there, right?"

"I couldn't finish this train of thought as the teacher called upon me minutes before the last class of the day would have ended."

"English is still my weakest subject, but my embarrassment at my horrible pronunciation was softened by Miki's laughter. Somehow it sounded more like I only told her a joke, rather than coming across as one."

"The bell rang and I made sure to finish the last sentence quickly, an effort that was met with approval from my classmates."

"With a strong recommendation that I brush up on my English speaking skills, the teacher dismissed us."

"Now that class is over for the day, Miki, Suzu and I are lingering in the hallways, just long enough for the flow of students pouring out of the classes to slow so that we can walk Suzu back to her room comfortably."

"As we press back against one side to let some students in wheelchairs pass, I catch Miki staring at me."

hi "Is something wrong?"

"She smirks and shakes her head, though even Suzu seems curious now."

mk "Huh? Oh, no. Was just trying to see if you were making your thinking face again."

"Suzu's curiosity makes room for amusement."

su "Hisao, you have a thinking face?"

hi "No, I-"

"Miki chuckles and turns to her friend."

mk "He does! It's the face he makes when he's spacing out, it looks like this."

"With a grin she repeats her earlier impression of me, though it's not as effective when she's trying to keep herself from laughing."

su "That's odd. I've never seen you make that face before."

"Somehow that sounded like a veiled insult. I'm not so oblivious that I wouldn't notice that."

hi "I don't have a thinking face! I mean, I don't make a face when I'm thinking."

su "No need to be embarrassed. It doesn't matter if you make a face or not, the important part is that you're thinking."

mk "Or at least you think you are!"

"Suzu glances at Miki with something approaching pride. Miki notices and beams."

mk "What, you didn't honestly think your jabs wouldn't rub off on me, did you? I learned a thing or two from hanging out with you."

"Suzu's cheeks flush and she quickly turns around, starting for the stairs."

su "Think of what you could accomplish if you didn't stop at just the two."

"I chuckle, though Miki seems less than impressed and uses Suzu's turn to sneak up on her and place her in a headlock."

mk "What's that, love of my life? My sweetheart, my dearest lover, the angel of my little heaven wants me to be more like her? Don't you see the folly?"

su "Miki! Let go, you're hurting me!"

"Undeterred, Miki tightens her grip, the few stragglers in the hallway turning to look at the spectacle unfolding here."

mk "Don't you know that every light needs its shadow? How could I appreciate your beauty if you and I were no different? Oh beloved, I beg thee reconsider!"

su "Alright! Alright alright alright! Let go already!"

"Miki loosens her grip, but not before planting a kiss on Suzu's hair. Though I'm laughing, I can't help but notice the small part of me wishing I was Suzu right now."

"Likewise, Suzu seems to be wishing she were anybody else. Her cheeks are bright red and as soon as Miki lets up she steps outside of her reach."

"She keeps her eyes on Miki, guarding herself against another attack from her more athletic friend. She relaxes only after Miki shows no attempt to get closer."

"Satisfied, Miki looks past us at the hallways that are empty save for a handful of students still talking to a teacher who looks eager to call it a day."

"I'm too far away to listen in on their conversation, but when the girls head for the stairs I rapidly lose interest anyway and follow them down."

#girl's dorms hallway

"Within minutes we make it to Suzu's dorm and just like the last time I was here, Suzu tosses her bag into the room with little care."

su "Miki don't forget, tonight we're cooking together."

"I'm a little surprised, with her boyish attitude I never really thought of her cooking. Miki sees my reaction and frowns at her friend, as if embarrassed."

mk "Yeah yeah, I remember."

"Suzu quirks an eyebrow, crossing her arms."

su "If you don't want to, I'm happy to cook for myself. I thought you wanted to lea-"{w=.5}{nw}

mk "YES, yes. I'll be there. Alright?"

"Motioning for Suzu to go away, Miki quickly turns to me. She doesn't notice that Suzu is less than impressed, and leans against the doorframe instead."

mk "Anyway, did you make up your mind?"

hi "Huh? Well I was going to heat up some leftovers, but-"{w=.5}{nw}

mk "I didn't mean that! The Track and Field Club! Are you gonna join or not?"

hi "Oh! Yes, I think I will."

"Miki beams, but Suzu is genuinely surprised."

su "You're joining the Track and Field Club?"

hi "Yes, I thought it might be fun."

"She quirks an eyebrow at me and I realize she's suspicious."

hi "I've been running for long enough now that I feel I could benefit from a little more exercise."

su "I see. How… Enthusiastic of you."

"I don't think I hid my real reason for joining very well, but Miki nods her approval and that seems enough for Suzu to not inquire further."

"She turns to Miki, the skepticism still strong on her face."

su "So you'll be taking him to meet Shun then?"

hi "Who?"

"Miki blinks, then lights up as she makes up her mind."

mk "Yeah, we're gonna go see him right now, before Hisao changes his mind."

su "And you think meeting Shun will somehow keep that from happening?"

hi "Who's Shun?"

"Miki shoots Suzu a scowl and with a roll of her eyes Suzu retreats into her room, closing the door behind her."

hi "What did she mean by that? And who's Shun?"

mk "It's nothing, you know how Suzu is around people. Anyway, let's go!"

"In one fluid motion she bowls her bag into her room, shuts the door and leads me out by the arm."

"I resist out of impulse, but Miki proves much stronger than I expected as she half leads, half drags me out towards the track."

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 2)

Post by Req » Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:19 pm


"As we make our way down I try to take in the students there. A fair number are running laps as I'd expected, but it looks like just as many are sitting on the sidelines, happily chatting with only the occasional glance and cheer spared for the people trying to run."

"Aside from these runners and sitters only a handful of students are busying themselves with other track and field events."

"I watch one of them try the long jump. His landing earns him a smattering of applause, but his audience quickly returns to their conversations."

"It's not exactly what I thought this place would be like, and knowing I won't be sitting there by myself is a small comfort."

hi "So are you planning on telling me who this Shun is? I have to say I'm a little worried now."

mk "I told ya you shouldn't pay too much attention to what Suzu says. Half the time she's just trying to get a rise out of ya."

mk "Anyway, Shun's the club's captain. He handles all applications, that's why we're meeting him first. He's sitting right over there."

"We make our way past the students, many of whom pause to greet her. I spot Haruhiko and the others who skipped out on the festival preparations with us, each of them showing the same look of curiosity to see me here."

"Past them, sitting on a lawn chair by the finish line is a tall student."

"His eyes are glued to one of the runners on the track and I realize he's doing the same thing I was hoping to keep doing for Miki."

"According to her this should be Shun. He certainly looks fit enough to be captain of the Track and Field Club, to the point that I can't help but wonder if he really is disabled."

"I'm not sure why that would matter, or why it feels like an unfair advantage."

mk "Oy! Shun!"

"The tall athlete cranes his neck to look at us and offers Miki a lazy wave and a goofy smile. When he sees me, though, his eyes narrow briefly, before flashing me the same smile and wave."

"Somehow it feels like I've interrupted something and I'm oddly fine with that."

sh "I'm sorry, who are you again?"

"She crosses her arms and shoots him a glare, though I can tell she's faking it."

mk "Really? I take some time to deal with losing to the legless wonder and you've forgotten me already? I thought we had something special going, Cap."

"The captain makes a big show of trying to remember her, then shrugs while flashing that goofy grin once more. Miki punches him in the shoulder."


sh "Ow! I remember, I remember. Glad to see you back, Miura."

"Miki smirks and plants her hand on her hip."

mk "Glad to be back."

"The captain's eyes dart from Miki over to me, and he cocks his head. Maybe he'd be more at home in a drama club."

sh "I'm not sure I remember you though. Miura, you didn't have to bring me a present."


"I stare at him, wondering if I misheard. Miki's laughter to my left tells me I didn't."

mk "Don't unlock the track shed just yet, Cap, he wants to join the club."

sh "Is that so…"

"He rises up from his chair and at his full height I have to crane my neck upwards to meet his gaze. I think I preferred him sitting down, if I'm honest."

"This act of his is probably just to mess with applicants like me. Probably."

"The captain glances over at Miki, who is already letting herself be distracted by the runners on the track."

sh "Miura, mind taking that chair back to the shed for me?"

"Miki looks over her shoulder at the captain with a confused frown."

mk "What? Why?"

sh "I'm done with it for the day. Anyway, the way I see it you owe me for skipping out."

"He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a familiar key that he tosses over for Miki to catch. She looks from the captain to the key, to the chair and finally to the shed. With a defeated groan she palms the key and starts dragging the chair over to the shed."

sh "Alone at last. So, you want to join the Track and Field Club, do you? What's your name?"

hi "My name is Hisao Nakai, and I'd like to join if you'll have me."

"Maybe a bit formal for this sort of thing, but I think it's good to play it safe. The captain smiles his goofy smile again. I didn't think he'd be this keen on new recruits, judging by the current number of members in his club."

sh "Hisao, is it? My name is Shun Kawaguchi and of course I'd be happy to have you for as long as you like."

"He puts a hand on my shoulder and I can feel his fingertips rub my shoulder as if they're trying to make their way through my shirt."

"The sensation, paired with his goofy smile and curiously intent eyes make me want to get away, so I step back, ducking out from under his grasp."

"Something seems very off about all this."

sh "Too much? Don't worry, we can take it easy if you prefer."

"Okay, I think he's definitely trying to flirt with me. Badly. I look for Miki, but she's still over by the shed, a distant crash letting me know the lawn chair made it back inside. Looks like I'll have to handle this on my own, without screwing up my chances of getting in."

hi "I-I'm sorry, I think maybe I gave you the wrong idea. I'm here to join the club, nothing else!"

"The captain pouts, disappointed."

sh "Are you sure? As a member of the Track and Field club you'll gain access to a lot of perks, you know."

sh "I'd be more than happy to take some time out of my busy schedule to show you everything I have to offer. As captain, of course."

"He tries to close the distance again, but this time I step to the side."

"Damn it, if this is some kind of hazing all the rookies go through, I wish she'd have told me. I look like an idiot now."

hi "Thanks, but I was kind of hoping Miki could show me around. I'm in her class and we're friends, so I thought-"{w=.5}{nw}

"At the mention of Miki's name the captain's demeanor changes. His eyes have an odd glint to them, but the rest of his face is carefully blank. I feel like I fell for a trap."

sh "Thought what, exactly?"

"Yep, definitely a trap."

hi "Just that she could help me figure out how to contribute. I have a heart condition, so I can't exactly run as much as the guys out on the track right now, but-"{w=.5}{nw}

sh "Odd. That sort of thing to me sounds like it would fall under the responsibilities of a team captain. Last I checked that's still me, not Miki, charming though she is."

hi "What are you implying? I only met you a few minutes ago."

"The captain smiles his goofy smile again and nods his head."

sh "Good, you're a smart one. Hopefully that means I'll only need to tell you once."

"Tell me what?"

sh "You're not the first person to come up to me wanting to join because a… 'friend' is a member."

"The way he emphasizes the word while staring at me makes me shiver. I glance over at Miki, but on her way back she's decided to watch the runners on the track. Maybe not being able to listen in on this conversation is for the best."

"The captain waits for me to give him my attention again before continuing, smiling that same goofy smile all the while."

sh "As I was saying, you're not the first in that category. If I'm totally honest, I don't even think you're the first regarding this particular friend, either."

sh "In my experience people who join up because of a friend like that don't stay members for long. Don't get me wrong, it's entirely up to you who you get friendly with, but I draw the line at my club, understand?"

"I nod silently, realizing where this conversation is going."

sh "Good. Now, if you want to join this club in earnest, you're more than welcome. We're the biggest club for a reason and we generally don't turn down people, even if they can't run at all."

"He gestures to the students sitting behind me, some of them watching us with mild interest and I can only hope they're out of earshot."

sh "However, I'm sure you realized just how awkward things get when people try to use this club as their personal dating service, yes?"

"Again I nod, a little more eagerly this time and feeling relieved that the captain was just putting on an act."

sh "Excellent. The last thing this club needs is that kind of awkwardness spoiling the mood, so if she's the only reason you're here, I don't think you'll be a good fit here."

sh "So tell me, why do you want to join the Track and Field Club, Nakai?"

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 2)

Post by Req » Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:19 pm

"I take a deep breath and try to organize my thoughts. Regardless of what the captain might think of me, I'm not here just to be with Miki. I mean, that may have been the reason at first, but the more I think about joining, the more I realize that my future is at stake."

hi "Well… Like I said, I have a heart condition. Because of that I'm in pretty bad shape. Even walking up the road from town is pushing my limits."

"The captain watches me, as if trying to see if I'm telling the truth. I seem to withstand his scrutiny, so I continue."

hi "Miki has been helping me get back into shape. She's been running with me during the mornings and I don't think I'd have stuck to that regime if I had been by myself."

hi "Since then, I can tell I've improved and I want to keep improving. That's why I want to join. I think in a controlled environment like this I might be able to do that, even if I can't do any dashes."

"I meet the captain's stare with my own, until he looks over to Miki, then back to me. The look in his eyes has changed. He isn't judging me, instead I recognize compassion."

sh "Alright, I suppose that will do. You're welcome to join, just don't forget what I said."

hi "I'll keep it in mind, thanks."

"Miki saunters over, tossing the key up in her hand before throwing it back to the captain."

mk "So, is he in?"

"Shun catches the key and immediately passes it over to me, flashing his goofy grin that I'm starting to dread."

sh "Yep, I think he's club material. Guess what that means, Nakai?"

hi "What?"

sh "You get to clear up the club material! Aren't you lucky?"

"Miki can't hide her grin and I know I have no choice but to accept. The captain turns me to face the others, and quickly introduces me to the group."

"Their polite applause is followed by a more genuine one when he announces my duties as equipment manager. I suppose that's one way to endear me to these people."

"I didn't think today would end with picking up after these people. Thankfully Miki puts a hand on my shoulder, offering a smile that brims with confidence and support."

hi "I guess it was like this when you first joined too, right?"

mk "No, but since I missed out on gopher duty back then, I figure I might as well catch up and lend you a hand, right?"

"I think I'll get by."


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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 3)

Post by sackwrist » Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:04 am

Really great stuff, couldn't stop reading. Your writing fits in well with the rest of the VN honestly. I like your Hisao's internal thoughts; it captures one of the essences of KS that is sometimes not there in other people's writings for me. I'm enjoying the pacing and the character development. Your story feels natural, like it's something that could've been there from the beginning. Your addition of the track team so far is interesting and it does a good job of slightly expanding the KS universe. I look forward to seeing this completed.

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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 3)

Post by Oddball » Sat Jan 19, 2019 10:42 pm

This has been a wonderful story so far. Despite the script format you do a great job at setting mood, atmosphere, and characters.

You're Miki is just perfect. I also like what you'd done with Emi so far. The story is never on her side, but it doesn't go out of the way to make her the badguy either.

Suzu... Suzu could use some work. She seems to get away with an awful lot without anybody saying anything to her. I'm also not too fond of how she needs somebody to walk her too and from classes. I suppose it's better than the stories where she just randomly passes out constantly, but that sort of thing really makes her feel helpless.
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Re: Miki Route/Project Indigo (act 3 scene 3)

Post by Req » Wed Mar 06, 2019 12:54 am

@Oddball: Thanks! I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far and I'm glad my intention to have Emi be a rival without being a straight up antagonist worked. As for Suzu: I hadn't read any of the other Suzu fics out there (this fic started back when the only real thing was Scissorlips' route) and wanted to give my own take. Basically my intent for her was a kind of highschool girl Lord Vetinari but with her narcolepsy to contrast the sharp wit. I liked the idea of Emi and Rin being paired by the school to make up for each other's weaknesses, so I figured I'd have Miki and Suzu paired by the school for similar reasons, with Miki being there to support Suzu in case of sleep attacks and Suzu there to do whatever Miki couldn't do singlehandedly (all the puns intended). Having Miki basically escort Suzu may be a bit contrived in hindsight, but I liked the idea of Suzu using her disability to her advantage but at the same time having real underlying concerns. I may have let her win a few exchanges too many though.

@sackwrist thank you! I'm a bit sad that this route's been on ice for so long, hopefully I'll be able to come back to it and finish it when I've got more time.

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