Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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Markus Ramikin
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by Markus Ramikin » Mon Sep 22, 2014 11:57 am

Oscar Wildecat wrote:If you want a un-serious prediction about the next chapter... Hanako, in pleading to Hisao not to reject her, backs him up against the safety fence, and........
...and Kenji goes Batman and saves Hisao in mid-air?
Lilly=Emi=Hanako>Rin >>... ...

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Sep 22, 2014 12:47 pm

Wait a damn second.

They're on the roof.

It's lunchtime.

Emi has a habit of saying "fuck the weather, I'm going in". And, she doesn't know that Hanako's exiled herself from the tea room.

I'm thinking that she and Rin are about to get a front row seat to Hanako's world falling apart.

Edit: And, I forgot that Misha is slowly becoming one of Hanako's friends, too. And, she knows all too well the sting of rejection... but Hanako won't seek Misha out, so this'll need Misha to find her...

Edit 2: I've got it now (this isn't serious), Hanako dyes her hair brown, puts it in drills, and then after Hisao gets with Emi, she cuts it really short. Then, one day, she pulls Emi aside and asks her to comfort her, at which point Emi facepalms and says, "not AGAIN"...
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by dewelar » Tue Sep 23, 2014 3:29 pm

Thanks to all new and continuing readers for the additional outpouring of kind words!
Oscar Wildecat wrote:What's interesting is that Hisao has seemed to fallen into the same trap that Lilly has. Given his reactions in past chapters to strife with Emi and Hanako, I willing to guess part of his indecisiveness -- the wind keeping his leaf in the air -- is a genuine desire both to please and to avoid hurting the two girls. The type of genuine desire that Lilly had, leading to the same disastrous conclusion...
Glad this got mentioned. As has been noted, Hisao has a distinct tendency during each girl's route to pick up some of their characteristics and mannerisms, and not just good ones. This right here would be an example of that.
[Anyway, if the story ends with the Yoshi x Noriko OTP intact, I'll be happy. Strange, how a character that I was neutral toward and one that I was slightly disapproving of could win me over so. Must be the writing. Or the water. Or the water the writer is drinking...]
It's always good to hear that people are enjoying my (sort of) OCs, so thanks!
Mahorfeus wrote:Who knows? Maybe dewelar will pull a HIMYM. :roll:

no please god no don't do that
Yeah, I can safely say that I won't, as interesting as it might be for him to split up from [girl x] many years later and go running off to whatever atelier Rin is living in at the time...
Oscar Wildecat wrote:If you want a un-serious prediction about the next chapter... Hanako, in pleading to Hisao not to reject her, backs him up against the safety fence, and........
Ah, the infamous intergenderly picnic ending...
Markus Ramikin wrote:...and Kenji goes Batman and saves Hisao in mid-air?
"Sup, man? Aren't you glad I built this barricade now? I knew you'd come around to join the fight against the feminists eventually. So did you bring the pretzels? Hey, wait! You brought one of them with you?! Damn. That's cold."
bhtooefr wrote:Edit 2: I've got it now (this isn't serious), Hanako dyes her hair brown, puts it in drills, and then after Hisao gets with Emi, she cuts it really short. Then, one day, she pulls Emi aside and asks her to comfort her, at which point Emi facepalms and says, "not AGAIN"...
I lol'ed at this...
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by emmjay » Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:24 am

Oscar Wildecat wrote:If you want a un-serious prediction about the next chapter... Hanako, in pleading to Hisao not to reject her, backs him up against the safety fence, and........
And then Kenji comes out of nowhere, thinks that Hanako is attacking Hisao, and tries to wrestle her off of him. This leads to both Kenji and Hanako falling off the roof, and Hisao is left with the wierd feeling that he just dodged a bullet. :D
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by Mahorfeus » Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:45 am

Kenji dialogue, as written by dewelar. And hell hasn't even frozen over yet.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by cake307 » Wed Sep 24, 2014 1:18 pm

Dewelar does a decent Kenji. Obviously this is how we now that this will all turn out to be a Kenji Harem fic. Somehow.

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by bhtooefr » Wed Sep 24, 2014 1:21 pm

dewelar wrote:Yeah, I can safely say that I won't, as interesting as it might be for him to split up from [girl x] many years later and go running off to whatever atelier Rin is living in at the time...
So he does end up with someone (who identifies as female) before this story is over...
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by Vempele » Wed Sep 24, 2014 3:47 pm

bhtooefr wrote:
dewelar wrote:Yeah, I can safely say that I won't, as interesting as it might be for him to split up from [girl x] many years later and go running off to whatever atelier Rin is living in at the time...
So he does end up with someone (who identifies as female) before this story is over...
Girl X could be a drag queen name...

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by dewelar » Wed Sep 24, 2014 4:48 pm

Mahorfeus wrote:Kenji dialogue, as written by dewelar. And hell hasn't even frozen over yet.
Hey now! Kenji's had lines in this fic! :wink:
bhtooefr wrote:
dewelar wrote:Yeah, I can safely say that I won't, as interesting as it might be for him to split up from [girl x] many years later and go running off to whatever atelier Rin is living in at the time...
So he does end up with someone (who identifies as female) before this story is over...
I was just referencing HIMYM. I admit nothing. *whistles*
Vempele wrote:Girl X could be a drag queen name...
Noriko: "Why is everyone looking at me all of a sudden?"
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Ch.50 posted 9/1

Post by emmjay » Thu Sep 25, 2014 6:25 am

dewelar wrote:
Vempele wrote:Girl X could be a drag queen name...
Noriko: "Why is everyone looking at me all of a sudden?"
Because Hideaki isn't here. (Obvious joke, had to be made.)
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Re: Developments, Chapter 49

Post by Leaty » Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:02 pm

Told myself I'd get around to commenting on this eventually. I've been sick, and busy, and though I always read these updates as soon as I can, I like to wait until I actually have time to say things before commenting.

Chapter 49:

Not really a major thing, but I hope Lilly doesn't resume her class representative duties when class restarts. I agree with her assessment that it would be poison for her and Shizune's slowly-mending relationship. Of course, her classmates all tend to look up to her, I think (with a few exceptions,) so having her around would, probably enable them to subvert Kamisaka's authority by going to Lilly for their problems whether she's the representative or not.

I'm not surprised Lilly's decided she doesn't like traveling, either. I can't imagine it would be much fun when you have that particular disability. Maybe Shizune would enjoy it more, but we never really see any sort of indication that traveling is something she does very often either...

I really love the interaction between Mayoi and Lilly--your Mayoi is probably one of my favorite characters in KS fanfiction, if not my favorite. And it's nice that there's an adult woman in Lilly's life who is, well, more warmly maternal than Sorcha. I can totally understand why Lilly would have hidden herself away here. I am a bit disappointed we didn't get to see a Hanako/Mayoi encounter, but I can certainly understand why we didn't see it. Also, Lilly accidentally bringing up Shizune's embarrassment was kind of heartbreaking.

It's interesting that Mayoi implies she still loves Jigoro, just not in the way she did before. It makes me wonder whether she sees him as, I dunno, a wayward friend, and a particularly immature one. Or perhaps a sibling, even. There's a lot I'd still like to know about the platonic love Mayoi has for Jigoro.
dewelar wrote:On the path to the dormitory, we almost literally bump into one of my classmates, Momomi Matsumoto, out walking her guide dog.
I feel bad for OTL!Momomi. Her life is kind of boring. Perhaps down the line I should find something for her to do.

Lilly tutoring Emi in English sounds like it could be interesting. I'd be pretty curious to see what direction that goes in, unless Emi revealed her plans in an earlier chapter and I forgot.

Hanako in this chapter definitely made me feel like she hadn't matured enough for a relationship. I really couldn't see it happening in a healthy direction after this scene. And, yeah, honestly there really never was any way that Hisao would have ever had sex with Yoshimura (though, honestly? It really isn't anybody's fucking business whether or not he does. Hisao doesn't owe anybody anything. He isn't even in a committed relationship.)

Hanako's outburst was Misstep-level in volume, but nowhere near as justified. The irony is that the person she's really mad at is herself. She's the one who borked her chances of having a relationship with Hisao by taking some really badly-thought-out steps in the wrong direction. But she's projecting her anger onto Lilly because, honestly, Lilly is once again totally right, and her wisdom is still many levels above Hanako's, stamping down pretty hard on Hanako's latent desire to feel like Lilly's equal. Hanako has grown, but so has Lilly, and Hanako can't catch up.

Chapter 50:

Emi really needs to open up to Hisao about her dad already. I don't expect to see that until closer to the end--It took her the entire route in the VN to spit it out--but, well, yeah. She needs this to stop being A Thing. And does she also have a deep resentment of alcohol, and of the driver who hit them? (I swear, with every update of this story, Báthory gets retroactively harsher...)

Hisao and Lilly's banter was sweet. I really hope what Mayoi foreshadowed comes to pass; I love the idea of the two of them becoming best friends, even if that means Hanako winds up getting slightly shoved out. It's really nice to see burned-out romantic relationships reborn as strong friendships. I think the two of them are really starting to understand each other, and honestly that's what both of them need more than anything.

It looks like we're on the Emi track, but it's definitely not a done deal--Hanako/Hisao certainly isn't going to be a thing in this story, but that doesn't guarantee an Emi happy ending. I'm still expecting something to go sour from here; otherwise, cleanup is going to be too easy, I think.

I feel really bad for Lilly. In a sense, she's so much like Mayoi--well-meaning, loving, maternal, but totally isolated from the people she loves and so silently hungry for that familial affection. But while Mayoi at least has Julia, Lilly doesn't really have anybody right now, and it doesn't look like there's going to be anyone in the near future (Dev!Lilly/Dev!Yuuko OTP? *sigh* naaaaaah.)

Anyway, Taka-Taka is adorable. That is all.

Hisao having a heart attack right now is... Kind of annoying. Feels a little like a deus ex machina. I mean, it makes sense--disregarding all the progress that Hisao's made with his cardiac health, it still makes sense--but it looks like it's going to deprive us of the long-awaited Hanako Shutdown Scene, and that's something I was looking forward to seeing. (Also, I don't know why it feels like Hisao has had a bazillion heart attacks in this story, because that's not true, but for some reason I feel like I've been here a thousand times.)

Whew. Okay I think I'm done for now.

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Re: Developments, Chapter 49

Post by dewelar » Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:07 pm

Leaty wrote:Told myself I'd get around to commenting on this eventually. I've been sick, and busy, and though I always read these updates as soon as I can, I like to wait until I actually have time to say things before commenting.
No problem. I-it's not like I get worried when you skip a chapter or anything... *looks around shiftily*
Chapter 49:

I'm not surprised Lilly's decided she doesn't like traveling, either. I can't imagine it would be much fun when you have that particular disability.
It isn't, even for someone like me who's a little bit north of Kenji on the acuity scale. Fortunately, most airports will have someone available on request to guide you, but it's still a hassle. The biggest problem is when you have to transfer in an unfamiliar airport, and your flight arrives late so your guide isn't there. Security is no prize either, because they make you put your cane through the X-ray machine separately and you might wind up with someone not properly trained grabbing and pulling you along...
I really love the interaction between Mayoi and Lilly--your Mayoi is probably one of my favorite characters in KS fanfiction, if not my favorite.
Noriko: "Why is everyone looking at me again all of a sudden?"
I am a bit disappointed we didn't get to see a Hanako/Mayoi encounter, but I can certainly understand why we didn't see it.
Story's not over yet.
I feel bad for OTL!Momomi.
Perhaps I'm being dense, but...OTL?
Lilly tutoring Emi in English sounds like it could be interesting. I'd be pretty curious to see what direction that goes in, unless Emi revealed her plans in an earlier chapter and I forgot.
Nope, but she has mentioned that she's actually starting to look at college brochures and stuff...

Chapter 50:
Emi really needs to open up to Hisao about her dad already. I don't expect to see that until closer to the end--It took her the entire route in the VN to spit it out--but, well, yeah. She needs this to stop being A Thing. And does she also have a deep resentment of alcohol, and of the driver who hit them? (I swear, with every update of this story, Báthory gets retroactively harsher...)
I swear it is not on purpose...seriously this time!
Anyway, Taka-Taka is adorable. That is all.
Awwww...thanks. Her scene here was a lot of fun to write.
Hisao having a heart attack right now is... Kind of annoying. Feels a little like a deus ex machina.
It's a good thing that's not what's happening, then :wink:. It's been a while, but that was meant as a reference to a line in Ch.21, which happened right after Hanako's confession.
(Also, I don't know why it feels like Hisao has had a bazillion heart attacks in this story, because that's not true, but for some reason I feel like I've been here a thousand times.)
Heh...well, he has had his share of issues...

Anyway, thanks for posting as always. The longer posts like this one that are analysis and/or speculation are always enjoyable to read!
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments, Chapter 49

Post by Leaty » Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:14 pm

dewelar wrote:No problem. I-it's not like I get worried when you skip a chapter or anything... *looks around shiftily*
Haha, like you can fool a fellow fanfic writer. (I do the same thing.)
dewelar wrote:Perhaps I'm being dense, but...OTL?
Original Timeline.

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Re: Developments, Chapter 49

Post by dewelar » Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:05 am

Leaty wrote:
dewelar wrote:No problem. I-it's not like I get worried when you skip a chapter or anything... *looks around shiftily*
Haha, like you can fool a fellow fanfic writer. (I do the same thing.)
I guess it's the nature of the business. I still wonder where some of the commenters from the early chapters might be (Etokie? You out there?)
dewelar wrote:Perhaps I'm being dense, but...OTL?
Original Timeline.
Thanks.

A quick note: Ch.51 is going to be a few days yet. It's two weeks since the last one already and I'm barely into the editing phase. I kind of expected this, given the subject matter, but I figured I should still give you all an update so you're not waiting on that alleged schedule people keep saying I have :wink:.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments, Chapter 49

Post by brythain » Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:15 am

dewelar wrote:A quick note: Ch.51 is going to be a few days yet. It's two weeks since the last one already and I'm barely into the editing phase. I kind of expected this, given the subject matter, but I figured I should still give you all an update so you're not waiting on that alleged schedule people keep saying I have :wink:.
It's all good, man. I work in a system which has an exam/project deadline/whatever season stretching from late August to early November. You can already see what it's doing to my 'schedule'. :D
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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