Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

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SpunkySix
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by SpunkySix » Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:35 am

brythain wrote:
SpunkySix wrote:How the heck can you be a good friend and tell somebody that their bodily limitations outweigh their personality and are too cumbersome to deal with?
Well, let me offer a scenario group:

1) You see this person in school a few hours a day, and you accept everything that person needs and provide it where desired and/or necessary.
2) You make every attempt to see this person all day, and you accept everything that person needs and provide it where desired and/or necessary..
3) You live with this person, and you accept everything that person needs and provide it where desired and/or necessary.
4) You are married to this person and have children with this person, and you accept everything that person needs and provide it where desired and/or necessary.

I think the levels of provision are certainly different.

However, I would say that you can be a good friend without being in a long-term relationship of romantic nature. Also, what has personality got to do with it? Or encumbrance? It's just a question: can you provide what that person needs or wants? It's not a question of whether you want to offer it—that, I assume, would be true for all your friends.

I also think it would be reckless to say "I will do this" without considering the likelihood that I -could- do this. I would certainly think, "Damn, I want to do this!" but I'd still ask myself to be honest about it. :)
Okay, see, I'm responding to something different here. The way the question was originally posed and what led to this was from somebody else, and it basically said, "would you really approach somebody in a wheel chair? They're in a wheelchair. That might be difficult, why not date somebody not in a wheelchair?" which is different than what you are asking, which I feel is a more reasonable question.

That being said, perhaps I am a bit reckless here, but I think love needs to be a little reckless to work. If I have a stable job, then why wouldn't I be able to support this person? If I have the physical means to support somebody I love but am still questioning whether or not I'm able to do so, then what kind of partner am I? Obviously if you can't support somebody financially then that's a different issue, but we were talking about logistical difficulties before this, not finances. Anything beyond that to me is about how much you really want to be there for the person. That's how I see it.

Going back to the original question then, yes. I'd see no problem being with Rin if I somehow fell for her and had the money to support her.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by brythain » Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:42 am

SpunkySix wrote:That being said, perhaps I am a bit reckless here, but I think love needs to be a little reckless to work. If I have a stable job, then why wouldn't I be able to support this person? If I have the physical means to support somebody I love but am still questioning whether or not I'm able to do so, then what kind of partner am I? That's how I see it.
Now that's being reasonable. :) (Btw, I wasn't part of the wheelchair discussion.)

I would be asking myself: do I in fact have a stable job or a chance of having one; do I in fact know what this person's needs are, even if this person won't explicitly say so? — questions like that. What I'm saying is that I believe your friends are worth due diligence, with increasing levels as you become closer (and maybe the two things feed off each other), but that you can't and shouldn't commit until you can answer those questions approximately.

I say 'approximately' because you can be a little reckless, you're right about love needing that leap of faith. But from watching various high-school relationships play out over the years, I know empirically that there's such a thing as having too much faith in the self without adequate ruthless honesty with the self. I do get where you're coming from in general, but I'd still have a buffer zone between 'someone I want to commit myself to in the very long term, perhaps start a family with, and finally be buried with' and 'my drinking or gaming buddies'—although like a Venn diagram there might be overlap. :)
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by SpunkySix » Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:46 am

brythain wrote:
SpunkySix wrote:That being said, perhaps I am a bit reckless here, but I think love needs to be a little reckless to work. If I have a stable job, then why wouldn't I be able to support this person? If I have the physical means to support somebody I love but am still questioning whether or not I'm able to do so, then what kind of partner am I? That's how I see it.
Now that's being reasonable. :) (Btw, I wasn't part of the wheelchair discussion.)

I would be asking myself: do I in fact have a stable job or a chance of having one; do I in fact know what this person's needs are, even if this person won't explicitly say so? — questions like that. What I'm saying is that I believe your friends are worth due diligence, with increasing levels as you become closer (and maybe the two things feed off each other), but that you can't and shouldn't commit until you can answer those questions approximately.

I say 'approximately' because you can be a little reckless, you're right about love needing that leap of faith. But from watching various high-school relationships play out over the years, I know empirically that there's such a thing as having too much faith in the self without adequate ruthless honesty with the self. I do get where you're coming from in general, but I'd still have a buffer zone between 'someone I want to commit myself to in the very long term, perhaps start a family with, and finally be buried with' and 'my drinking or gaming buddies'—although like a Venn diagram there might be overlap. :)
Okay, see, this I can totally agree with. In a planning sense, yes, you need to know that you can be there before moving on, definitely.

I think, if I could add something here as an aside for the conversation overall and not a specific part of it, that nobody in particular but rather people in general need to remember that love is not an emotion; it is a series of actions that support an emotion. You can feel attraction, but love is something that you do.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by Atario » Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:53 am

Quirky/space-cadet syndrome: probably not too much of a problem. As someone previously said, it can be endearing and entertaining.

Physical limitations: not a total deal-breaker, but I couldn't promise not to nope outta there the first time she asked me to help with her tampon. :shock:

"Odd" reactions like shrugging and looking bored in response to deadly serious discussions: this is where I'd say fuck this shit. At least pretend to care.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by brythain » Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:06 am

SpunkySix wrote:Okay, see, this I can totally agree with. In a planning sense, yes, you need to know that you can be there before moving on, definitely.

I think, if I could add something here as an aside for the conversation overall and not a specific part of it, that nobody in particular but rather people in general need to remember that love is not an emotion; it is a series of actions that support an emotion. You can feel attraction, but love is something that you do.
Minor nitpick: attraction is a feeling; love begins as an emotion (i.e. that which moves one or sets one in motion), but is made manifest in deeds.

I'm glad we agree on this position, and apologise for being far too brief earlier on. :)
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by SpunkySix » Tue Aug 19, 2014 6:06 am

Atario wrote:"Odd" reactions like shrugging and looking bored in response to deadly serious discussions: this is where I'd say fuck this shit. At least pretend to care.
She does care though, she just doesn't go out of her way to make it obvious.

It's all good, bryathain.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Aug 19, 2014 6:57 am

SpunkySix wrote:I'm saying that if I was truly in love with a person, then I would go to extensive lengths to make it work, because that's what lovers do. To me, there's no, "Oh gosh can I do this?" it's "I will do this." To me, that's what love is. It's also probably why it surprises me that people are considering whether or not they could handle it... as far as I'm concerned, once love is involved, that's not even a question.
Well, when I was 19, I probably thought the same way, but I've since learned that sometimes you just can't make it work no matter the lengths you go to.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by Munchenhausen » Tue Aug 19, 2014 7:04 am

I think, all in all, living with Rin would be a bit of a handful
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by Megumeru » Tue Aug 19, 2014 7:41 am

Munchenhausen wrote:I think, all in all, living with Rin would be a bit of a handful
Imagine if you're married to her though. You ask one question, and she'll answer with something else.

"Rin, have you seen Haruna? (or whatever you want Hisao/Rin to name their son/daughter)"

"Probably one with the wind and dandellions"

"...I guess that's a no?"

"Maybe. Probably. Most likely."

or

"What would you like for dinner?"

"Something that gives me a feeling of 'fuwa-fuwa'."
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by SpunkySix » Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:04 am

Munchenhausen wrote:I think, all in all, living with Rin would be a bit of a handful
... you cheeky little shit, I saw that.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by HarvestmanMan » Tue Aug 19, 2014 7:39 pm

Here's the deal. I believe that communication is one of the most vital aspects of any relationship that's worth putting time and effort into.

Communication with Rin is a pain in the ass and a half.

Unless you've got personality quirks just like Rin's, I don't see how it could possibly work.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by Khalego » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:08 pm

HarvestmanMan wrote:I don't see how it could possibly work.
Effort? :P
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by HarvestmanMan » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:18 pm

Khalego wrote:
HarvestmanMan wrote:I don't see how it could possibly work.
Effort? :P
Imagine how much of a toll that constant effort would take on you, though.
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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by slagman5 » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:20 pm

HarvestmanMan wrote:Here's the deal. I believe that communication is one of the most vital aspects of any relationship that's worth putting time and effort into.

Communication with Rin is a pain in the ass and a half.

Unless you've got personality quirks just like Rin's, I don't see how it could possibly work.
Thanks for your input man. Communication is definitely a big deal in every relationship. So I understand your point of view even though I wouldn't come to the same conclusion. :-)

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Re: Long term relationship with Rin? Be honest...

Post by KeiichiO » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:23 pm

HarvestmanMan wrote:
Khalego wrote:
HarvestmanMan wrote:I don't see how it could possibly work.
Effort? :P
Imagine how much of a toll that constant effort would take on you, though.
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