I'm glad you liked the chapter, and thank YOU for reading!CaptainFalcon wrote:What a fantastic thing to read after sleeping in quite late! (It's 12pm here on a Tuesday, was up at about 11.30am)
Fantastic as usual, well worth the wait, which was absolutely minimal compared to how amazing the latest chapter was. It was a nice way to wrap up act 4 and I look forward to act 5! Thank you for bringing such amazing work for us all to read
Lady luck has very much been on Hisao's side throughout this entire story, despite the many downfalls he's encountered relating to his own character. I don't claim to be a master or even an experienced writer when it comes to story development, so I'll be sure to take your criticism into mind when it comes to future events. Personally, I have two major issues with my own writing thus far. The fact that Tetsuo could have been a much more engaging and relatable character if I'd spent more time actually getting all the holes filled in and developing the more personal facets of his character, and that Akira has yet to be shown in a truly bad light despite all the flaws that have been hinted at with her character (although I credit this in equal parts to my development through Hisao's point of view and my own inexperience/incompetence.)BestTerribleApe wrote:My two cents:
A neat, fun pseudo-route, that's for sure. And yes, Hisao being more outspoken is a nice addition, though that could have painfully backfired.
Generally speaking, it seems that Hisao has been, to an extant, blessed by "some kind of divine forces" in this fanfiction. Nothing stretching too much the suspension of disbelief, but the story has developped in a direction inverse to that of every canon route. This time, it looks like Hisao managed to solve the two major conflicts before getting the girl.
However, Hisao has yet to solve all of the major conflicts. Naturally there are the issues that will arise relating to Akira and Lilly's refusal to their father, as well as the spillover with Tetsuo, both of which will be explored in act 5. Hisao has certainly solved two major issues, and the reason these were solved BEFORE a relationship with Akira is because, well, these were the two main things impeding such a development. I didn't want to write a story where Hisao and Akira began an illicit relationship behind her boyfriend's back, because Akira just didn't seem like that kind of person.
Well hopefully it won't take me 3 weeks to write the next chapter so everyone can find out, haha.Or has he? Things could certainly get awkward fast, now that Hisao can't simply be Akira's confident or occasional drinking buddy. Will the Master of Romance be up to the challenge?
Thank you for all the grammatical things there. I have literally no formal teaching when it comes to prose, so my method so far has been purely "whatever doesn't have people throwing things at me."BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Now that those are dealt with, I'll say I enjoyed the closing chapter of Act 4. I found it amusing that the ending scene, with Akira walking away from Hisao and from Yamaku, comes as she decides not to leave Japan. I'm consistently surprised at how Hisao gets into these bars/clubs, given he is underage (and especially since I, being nearly two years overage, still get asked for ID), but I'm willing to suspend my disbelief and attribute it to his very much of age companion. Now that the immediate plot threads are tied up, I wonder where things will go from here. I trust you'll figure something out; you've been consistently doing so each chapter so far. Kudos.
The way I rationalize it is that Akira is a regular at the jazz club, which is why there aren't any questions asked when Hisao, her guest or partner, winds up making the orders. I've gone through about four different layouts for act 5 before finally settling on one, which will hopefully provide a fulfilling ending for everyone. Thank you for your continued guidance.
So on my route outline, I set out three guidelines for myself:Carighan wrote:I really like this new part. And now that Akira is staying, we can totally get to the part where she gets Hisao smashed and he has to stay over again, right?
1. NO
2. DRUNK
3. SEX
I'm not actually trying to be sarcastic or anything, I could actually upload a screenshot of that section in the outline if everyone wishes. The reason for that is...
Pretty much my thoughts exactly. I feel that something like that really devalues the act as a whole, at least during their first time. There's no commitment or intimacy if they're just going at it as a result or poor self-control and loss of judgment. I want to have a scene where Hisao wakes up to Akira and thinks about how much he enjoyed his time with her, rather than waking up and wondering where he is and why the hell he's in a bed with a naked Akira. Naturally, however, there are still going to be H-scenes, and I think I've got plenty of concepts laid out to keep everyone entertained or at least fulfilled.Hoitash wrote:Now, now, we want him sober this time, so he can fully appreciate a woman with experience.
