Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Katie]

*reads about Cheese's homewrecking adventures*

Maybe this should be renamed from the Broken Hearts club to the Breaking Hearts club, lol.

[muliebrity]

Ilithandie, that's some really heavy stuff. As the OP says, if you're in a really bad state and need help, then you need to seek out a professional. Depression is bad enough without all of the things you're going through. If nothing else, hopefully you have a strong support structure in your parents.

[Auratus]

@Shironeko Well. I suppose you aren't having crazy idea right now. So, at least you have us, and as we are probably on anther side of the world, your "issue" wouldn't bother us (unless you are planning for causing economic crisis or World War 3)

My experience tells me that you shouldn't thinks about yourself too long. Find some books (or fanfic here), Chat with people or Lurk and interact with this thread, and don't worry about yourself or your past too much.

@Ilithandie I can related about wearing invisible masks. Some people do it when socialize, but I guess you are pretty much lost. I think you should honestly tells your family how you feels when you're moving out.

I thinks in Canada, like developed and half-asses developed nation, have costly housing. But in worst case scenario you can still build a igloo .

[Shironeko]

My experience tells me that you shouldn't thinks about yourself too long. Find some books (or fanfic here), Chat with people or Lurk and interact with this thread, and don't worry about yourself or your past too much.

You're probably right about that. My past was pretty bad and admittedly the present isn't perfect, but dwelling on things isn't going to help anything. I'm definitely much happier when focused on the external world instead of the internal one.

[Ilithandie]

Ilithandie, that's some really heavy stuff. As the OP says, if you're in a really bad state and need help, then you need to seek out a professional. Depression is bad enough without all of the things you're going through. If nothing else, hopefully you have a strong support structure in your parents.

Thank you but my family is part of the problem. At this moment I know I will not do anything stupid. I have support. Still, thank-you. Some days are better than others, but I manage to get by every time this comes up. However if things do take a turn for the worst I will check into the local hospital. I may be a little reckless and have little sense of self-preservation but I do however live for those around me. It may seem weird but thinking that my life is theirs not mine helps. I guess that is part of why I don't feel alive some days (the really bad days). Letting all that out seems to have helped and also I managed to help out a few teens today. One was assaulted seemingly at random, the other almost did something stupid. Felt good to just give them the tools to help themselves.

@Ilithandie I can related about wearing invisible masks. Some people do it when socialize, but I guess you are pretty much lost. I think you should honestly tells your family how you feels when you're moving out.

I thinks in Canada, like developed and half-asses developed nation, have costly housing. But in worst case scenario you can still build a igloo .

LMAO Nope no igloos here. In Ontario, so it isn't cold enough. Still with other things going on I don't feel I can trust my family with my honest feelings at this moment. There will come a time that I have to tell them but right now is not that time. I do need time to sort out my life. The additional stress that would bring would, in all likelihood, crush me and leave me in a VERY bad place. I honestly do not know what my mother's reaction would be. I want to ensure that I have enough of a foundation of me (if that makes sense) that I will not let her push me around. I know I am in a very difficult time. It is now that I will either grow and find myself, or I will lose myself forever. Damn, seeing me type that is kind of sobering. I think I may start a journal now.

As for the girl from high school I think I may have come to terms with that since writing about it. I think I may have just needed to put it out in the open and admit it. I still care for her, I doubt I will ever stop caring for her. But at the same time I feel, resolved to not let it define me, or to not let it hold me back? I think I like it here. I just type and it seems ... honest. Well at least this time was not just a jumble of text, makes me feel like I am improving. Just need to make sure I don't backslide.

Thank-you to all who listened and responded, even if you didn't post and just nodded. Thank-you.

[Auratus]

LMAO Nope no igloos here. In Ontario, so it isn't cold enough.

Yes． I also don't thinks right now is Canada's winter． But it's my pleasure to brighten your mood.　

[Helbereth]

LMAO Nope no igloos here. In Ontario, so it isn't cold enough.

Yes． I also don't thinks right now is Canada's winter． But it's my pleasure to brighten your mood.　

Isn't Canada in perpetual winter, though? Isn't that their shtick? I mean... what is Canada without winter; just another Mexico?
(this completely inaccurate, insensitive line of bullshit brought to you by my sleep-deprived brain)

[Ilithandie]

Amazingly no we do not have perpetual winter (that is Russia). We also have road construction season lol.

[Dream]

Today is my birthday.

So why am i crying?

There wasn't any celebration, i didn't ask for one.

[YZQ]

Well, any indication when it comes to my birthday is when Mom cooks up a dish that is slightly special. Other than that, I don't celebrate it, and it's just like any other day. For that matter, no one in my immediate family bothers that much about birthdays.

Take it easy.

[Xanatos]

On the topic of birthdays: Birthdays should really only be celebrated once a decade. Surviving one year isn't a big victory, generally speaking. On your 90th birthday, you should be legally allowed to kill one person of your choosing (literally anyone, and they have to come to you) with your bare hands (substitutions accepted: You can pick a person to drink with if you're a pacifist or something). Once you hit 100, you legally own anything you can manage to pick up even a little off the ground.

[Steinherz]

On the topic of birthdays: Birthdays should really only be celebrated once a decade. Surviving one year isn't a big victory, generally speaking. On your 90th birthday, you should be legally allowed to kill one person of your choosing (literally anyone, and they have to come to you) with your bare hands. Once you hit 100, you legally own anything you can manage to pick up even a little off the ground.

Xan, that would be very scary if you told that to one of my camp counselors (he's still alive last time I checked). Last time I was at that summer-camp I was 14. The oldest camp counselor there? NINETY-FIVE.YEARS. OLD.
Dude was in better shape than most 45 year olds I've met

[Ilithandie]

Today is my birthday.

So why am i crying?

There wasn't any celebration, i didn't ask for one.

Could be a number of reasons. Maybe you are just regretting things that you haven't even really thought of? A favorite book of mine said that life is pain. Every choice we make brings up pain, the pain of what ifs. If that makes any sense to you. If something has happened recently that has made you look at your past you might just simply have seen things you don't like and your birthday is just a reminder of another year gone by. I do not know. Random stab in the dark. But if you want I will listen, that I am very good at. I would say keep a stiff upper lip, but some times you just need to cry for no reason.

Advice. On your next day off just go out and do something you enjoy. Let yourself get lost for a few (or a lot ) hours in something you enjoy.

Hope it helps.

[YZQ]

Life is pain AND joy. You can choose to focus on the pain, or on the joy of just breathing.

[Ilithandie]

Life is pain AND joy. You can choose to focus on the pain, or on the joy of just breathing.

Yes sorry sleep deprivation and poor explanation abilities combine to be not quite what I was thinking.
Umm, I think what I was trying to say (very poorly might I add) was that there is a lot of pain but we can ignore most of it, but sometimes it all comes out. Nothing we can really do about it. It sucks and we hate those moments because we feel that we are weak for not being able to deal with things, but it is rare that we realize how much we actually deal with.

Thanks YQZ for point out how confusing that was for those that aren't reading my mind. Hopefully that makes more sense.