Ai

[LordDarknus]

Author's Note: Intended to release this next week, but I may not be around at that time.., so sat down and did it today anyway, ..sorry.





Early one morning... with time to kill

I borrowed Dad's rifle... and sat on the hill


I saw a lone flyer... an American plane

I drew a bead on him... to practice my aim


The Murata rifle... went off in my hands

The blast rang out... across Japan


Of course I kept running... Hiroshima was dead

I hung my head... I hung my head.





"Ai"

-Act 1: 哀



The distance of time can put away memories of tragedies, yet I was told to never forget; that a great evil from the sky fell on us.

But now.. as the ship I'm on breathes shapes into clouds of white smoke, my mother waves her hand and wipes away tears, ..as I set off to study in America.

My father is despondent as usual, still sitting in his wheelchair without so much as glancing at me as I'm leaving port. No matter how loud the engines roar, he doesn't even notice that I'm already gone.



I don't tear myself away from the ship's railings. For all the days at sea I come here, to this exact same spot, thinking back on the day at port.

I don't know what to feel. I was told to hate the crimes done to us in war, yet they sent me studying in America. Is it Irony? ...Hypocrisy?

Some orator said I was to learn everything there is about the American pigs, but beware not to fall victim to their vices and sinful ways. ..indirectly, I think I'm supposed to be some kind of deceitful spy.



My fellow travellers seem to have come to the same mindset, with the muted weight of silence carried on and about. None of them felt cheerful about the oncoming prospect of American soil, ..no matter what their own purposes may be.

And what of my own purposes? To study? To carry the pride of a legless Japanese soldier's offspring? To use the Americans' own devices against them somehow? In some way, on some day?

What Is my purpose? ..some verminous vehicle of valiant vengeance, except I'm on an American scholarship given to.. Forced upon me; ..from the "kind" invading American factories and industries, by my school's "patriotic" coercion. All because of my weak heart.



I catch myself rubbing my chest more and more, even after disembarking from the journey at sea that took too long, even during at night on the train when I worry I'll never wake up again.

I hate my weak heart. They said it would kill me eventually, or that at any moment it will give out randomly. Yet it was my greatest "asset" in gaining me this... "Prestigious Honour", of getting unbearably seasick, then sitting myself in train cabin after train cabin. Headed for the other side of the country.

Why couldn't the university be in Los Angeles? Why New England? ...Why couldn't they have arranged for a plane instead? In hindsight, is this intended to be part of my "espionage mission"? To travel across the American country and intently study their thinking and culture? It would be a lot more interesting if I cared.



Maybe it's because I'm so easily tired. I don't do well staying in confined spaces either, with the metal wheels grinding and thundering as I'm made to feel each shake of the track's unevenness. Relentlessly rumbling and rousing me from calm of heart and peace of mind.

I feel tired... I can't even remember the day I made port on this loud, graceless span of land. Somehow.. with the tiredness becoming even more unbearable than everything else that is ailing me; I finally fall asleep on my last night on a train.

In the dream, I remember everything, from the nice fellow at the ticket counter, to the glares and stares at me being a "Jap". The fresh scent of flowers a little girl gave me for saving her pet dog, and the beautiful grassy plains and open lands, the majesty of the forests and hills, ...it was the most beautiful dream of memories I ever had.

[LordDarknus]

After all that travelling, through the uncomfortable trains, some poorly furbished hotels, and the ever bustling "heart" of American life, Finally, here I am; Brown University.

.....Why couldn't it have been in L.A.?

Well, I drag on with my heavy luggage through the snow, apparently there's no one to greet me or welcome my arrival. How American. I complain and mutter silently to keep my breath going, the warmth seems to be escaping me too quickly as I trudge through the white softnesses crunching at my every step.


Suddenly I realise it. That little pain in my heart that comes once in a while to knock and visit a soundless agonising death to me. The luggage falls from my hands and my belongings spill out and press into pillows of snow. I fall to my knees to catch my breath.

I clutch at my chest. My vision almost blackens the beautiful snow, maybe it's the cold, maybe.. huh? Someone.. someone's there. She says something, she.. asks for my name, I give it. She nods. She... she's Japanese?

I let her take me up to my feet, and guide me inside, ..I've forgotten completely about my bags and clothes, but that's not important right now. For this girl before me, beside me... Who is She?


I finally sit down in a hall somewhere, as the doors swing shut and put away the cold. I still clutch at my chest, still trying to catch my breath. She says something again I don't quite hear through the numbness, and she runs off before I can reply.

My head hurts as much as my chest, my thoughts are faint.. but, they're solidifying again. I think I need to remember to get my clothes back, ..somehow, but later. Where is the girl? She... she was beautiful.

The curve of her face and the shine of her hair, with her gentle eyes and dazzling smile, she returned with a warm cup of cocoa for me, introducing herself as Saki.


"Sally" is what everyone else calls her, but since I'm her new hallmate in the dorms, and that I'm also Japanese, I can't help but feel incredibly special to call her by her True name.

She likes to talk, that's for sure, she goes on and on, first it was all about me, then about how the people in charge of the dorm arrangements are so nice to let the two of us be so close together, then about the university and the other students, and then about herself and her art studies.

Only after I had completely settled in, did the fact that she's left-handed, ..and using a cane to walk around, occur to me proper. Maybe it's her outrageous frankness with me, or that I'm too used to seeing crutches and wheelchairs due to my father, but I never really questioned her why she needs a cane at all, she.. looks perfectly fine.


Then suddenly, without any prior foreshadowing; she asks me why I had collapsed to my knees, the first day I arrived here at Brown University, ..wow it suddenly hits me that it's been a while since that day we met, it even feels like it was yesterday. I blame it on the effect of the winter season. ...and Saki's personality.

She says that I look perfectly fine, and that it was kind of "more heavy" than "first day jitters". Well.. yeah, Saki, I.. well, I have a weak heart. I don't look like I'm a.. err, 'disabled'.. person, but I can't overexert myself, or my heart will give out.

It's strange.. I've always hated to think of myself that way; 'disabled'. I never wanted to associate myself with the kind of helplessness my father drowns himself in every day. I'm more than that... I'm.. hmm, I never knew I felt that way about myself either, only after assimilating the.. American way of things, did I ....well, I guess I've changed overnight.





Overnight.. I've changed a lot, I feel.. I feel like I'm living for the first time. Is that why time feels like it's speeding past me? When I was bored on the journey here, it felt like it took forever. But here, the fact that I'm good enough with my economics studies that I don't even need to think about it, and with Saki's energetic personality and dazzling smile...

It only took one short semester, but.. I think I've declared to myself that I'm no longer who I was. I've changed... I am.. I am happy. I'm Happy here... I want to stay here, after I graduate. And I want to be with Saki.

I told her, everything about myself, how I felt, and for once she was the silent one while I was doing all the talking and clumsily fumbling around with nervousness. On impulse, I even bought her a cute red artist's beret on our way back to the university. I kept asking her to try it on, but the moment she reluctantly did, the autumn wind blew it out of her grasp and took it out of reach.



I'm still thinking about that hat, as I caress and tenderly undress Saki in the dark silk curtains of a chilly starry night.

She doesn't resist, as we feel each other bare and shivering, I hold her to keep her still, ..I kiss her, ..to keep her warm.

She is all that I want, she is in my dreams, she is my happiness. I want her.. I want her, so so much. ... "I love you, Saki"



My dream of happiness lasts until morning, something ceramic breaks and wakes me, calling me to Saki, still undressed but on the floor crying, over a broken plate.

I don't think, I just hold her, as she tells me how she's only half-Japanese, her blond American father abandoned her mother while pregnant, and the day she was born in an internment camp, on August 6th.

Yesterday was her birthday. I don't know what to think, I just hold her. She says she was born at night, her mother only had long enough to name her, before they took Saki away to an orphanage. As a newborn, they said it was for her health.



Her mother never made it out of the camp, the only thing Saki has to remember her with is the family plate. It's the only heirloom she has. And it is completely broken.

She inherited some kind of muscle-degeneration, from her father or mother, she doesn't know, she just holds me in tears, she doesn't want me to stay with her, she says I deserve better than someone like her. A failing cripple born on the day so many lives were taken.

I don't know, do I? I just hold her. I tell that I'm just like her, and that I love her. For all she knows, I could be born on August 9th, but that doesn't matter to anyone at all, does it? I've had a change of heart, not because of coming to America, not because I can relate my pride, my failings my weakness or my ethnicity with you, but because I love you, Saki. My heart belongs to you.



We hold each other.. forever, we don't know how long.. we just hold and don't let go. Throughout the morning, through forever and a day, we're together and that is all that matters.

We love each other, and we'll never stop loving.

We are.. finally happy.



Together.

[LordDarknus]

"Ai"

-Act 2: 爱



It's getting late..

I wonder.. when my love will come back to me?

To hold me in loving arms, and whisper..; that nothing will ever make us part.



How many days has it been? Since university?

We graduated.. together, we moved in to a new home, ..Our home.

But it was a foolish dream, they came and took it all way, sending my love back to Japan.



I was called a disgraceful half-breed, by Americans, by Japanese, by my own reflection in the mirror.

I fled from there, that place in the City of Angels, where my mother met and married the love of her life.

I only went back once, to be next to my father when they took him off the breathing machine.



He was beaten mercilessly by the other poor whites when they found out about his wife.

They were factory workers, best friends who worked hard to make guns and bombs to kill all the Japs.

And they were all fired when the military industry went to rebuild war-torn Japan. ..They were shitty workers anyway.



In confusion, in pain and heartache, I chose to forget it all and drown in my art.

I painted and painted, and I got so good that they finally gave me a scholarship to the other side of the country.

No one hated me in university, they kept out of my way, and I kept out of theirs. Everything was good, and my new life was beginning.





Then the one who would be my love, ..finally came. Collapsing in the snow from a weak heart, I acted without thinking.

I made hot cocoa. I was saving the expensive thing for myself, as a Christmas present.. from myself to myself.

But it made me feel happy, to make my love happy, and it was the first time someone else's smile ever warmed my heart.


What does it mean? To fall in love? To have all your life's meanings redefined in a single night?

My life weaving anew and intertwining with another life, ceramics and canvases past being painted over beautifully.

A picture that I didn't treasure enough, and just laid helplessly on the floor, crying as they took our happiness away.


To send someone back to an old hated life of sorrows, of cold loneliness in maddening helplessness...

What was so wrong between us that they couldn't understand and just let us be? Why was it that they had to kill us both?

I thought everything was going right? I thought we were going to get married and live in peace, I thought..


My love said time can fly by so fast when we're happy, and be painfully slow when we're sad.

It's been a decade and more since I was bedridden in a hospital. ..I don't even know what year it is.

I think my mind is just as gone as my body, as I can only think about those brief semesters of happiness that never lasted.


I'm so weak I don't think I'll even cry properly anymore, just those empty tears that I can't even blink away.

But I won't let myself be sad, I don't want to cry, I want to be strong, I want to smile for my love no matter what.

But even that is taken from me, with a thick plastic tube and an uncomfortable suffocating feeling of a breathing machine.





A letter came for me, though it's getting late. I can't read it.

The nice nurse, whom I call Florence, since I don't know his real name, sees my agony and reads it for me;

"Dear Saki,"



"I pray this letter will reach you somehow. And you're in good health as you read it."

"I don't know how to say everything that I want to say, but I'll try, I'll start with where we left off.."

"After I was taken back to Japan, my parents disowned me for what I had done. ..I still don't understand why."



"I started my life again with a pathetic job that wouldn't jeopardise my heart,"

"I was planning to save enough to come back to you again, I swear on my life that I would return to you,"

"But it was.. hard. So hard that I wanted to die. And let the pain of just suffering like that.. be over."



"I met someone else. I'm sorry, but.. I met someone from wealth and power, and would marry me despite and for what I am."

"And I couldn't take my suffering then anymore, please.. don't hate me, I wanted to kill myself, I almost did.."

"So I said yes, I would marry, and the pain would all be over."



"I don't.. know, ..what to say,"

"I can't come back to you anymore now, ..they're building a special school for people like us, in my name and "honour","

"It was supposed to be 'Katayama', but it's now 'Yamaku' instead, we don't want someone calling it 'Katawa mountain' at some point,"



"The name came from the kanji on your family plate, so in a way, it's Our school.."

"I'm.. I'm sorry ...I'm so Sorry, please, please forgive me, ..please."

"I love you Saki... I always will..."



"Dearly,"

"Rika Katayama"





It's okay Rika..

It's alright,

Don't worry.



At least.. at least in the name 'Yamaku',

We'll always be remembered together.

It's.. Our place, in the world.



That's more than enough for me...

I think I'll close my eyes now...

And just... dream

[LordDarknus]

[林忆莲 - 至少还有你]



我怕来不及　我要抱着你

I fear it'll be too late, I need to hold you


直到感觉你的皱纹　有了岁月的痕迹

'till I can feel your wrinkles, riddled with the fading lines of moons past



直到肯定你是真的　直到失去力气

'till I'm sure you're truly real, 'till all strength is lost..


为了你　我愿意

For you... I'd be willing.





动也不能动　也要看着你

Move even if I can't move, I still want to look upon you,

直到感觉你的发线　有了白雪的痕迹

'till I can feel the silk of your hair, weaved with the soft whiteness of snow


直到视线变得模糊　直到不能呼吸

'till my line of sight blurs away, 'till I can't even breathe at all

让我们　形影不离

please let us.. let the shape of our shadows never split apart





如果　全世界我也可以放弃

If.. All of the world I can let go of,

至少还有你　值得我去珍惜

At least there will still be you, worthy of all my life to treasure

而你在这里　就是生命的奇迹

And the fact that you're here with me, must be life's miracle



也许　全世界我也可以忘记

Perhaps, All of the world I can forget about,

就是不愿意　失去你的消息

But I'm just not willing, to lose all word from you

你掌心的痣　我总记得在那里

The marked heart of your palm, I'll forever remember it there



我们好不容易　我们身不由己

We are disabled, our fates defy our wills

我怕时间太快　不够将你看仔细

Fearing time is flying too fast, I can't see you clearly enough

我怕时间太慢　日夜担心失去你

Afraid that time is crawling too slow, day and night I worry I'm losing you

恨不得一夜之间白头　永不分离

I can't hate to grow frail overnight, as long as we're together forever


在那里　在那里

Over there..

At that place...

















Early one morning... with time to fill

Those heavenly gates... up on the hill


Out in the distance... a trick of the brain

I hear a lone flyer... from Japanese plains



Rika came back for me... to undo what'd been done

And we'll fly together... to the Land of Rising Sun


I Smile in God's Kindness... Love can never be dead

I Rest my head... I Rest my head



I Rest my heart...



I Rest my soul...

[CptSalsa]

What the... wow. Hmm. Acktphckdhaxxkfninjasgbg.
I did not expect, that. Okay.

So, that was interesting, you had me guessing, and you had me guessing wrong. Was that your intent, or am I really that dense?

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

Huh. I totally did not realise that twist until the end of the letter. My suspicions were raised when I saw 'Katayama'; 'wait, wasn't Saki's surname Enomoto?' I thought to myself. this was reaffirmed when it continued on to say the Kanji came from Saki's plate. But that was all thrown out by the end of the letter. The etymology pun on Katayama <-> Kata(wa)yama was brilliant; props to you for picking up and and utilising that. That said, the half-Japanese half-English terminology there seems a bit inappropriate. I know it helps the pun get across, but perhaps it would be better used if you wrote 'Cripple Mountain' and let the readers figure out the pun themselves. In any case, nice work. Sadfic/10 would read again.

[Mirage_GSM]

Well...
It feels a bit like you wanted to tell a story, but couldn't be bothered to do it properly so you just wrote a summary...
A few things are disjointed; I think a few even contradict themselves, like Saki not knowing her father but still being called to his deathbed...
Also I'm not sure how Rika could have been called back to Japan against her will. If she was in university, she had to have been old enough to decie to stay if she wanted.

I wasn't thinking of Rika either but some kind of female Hisao. (They wouldn't have made a male Hisao Saki's roommate, would they?)

[SemisoftCheese]

>see saki story
>go read
>gun=boom
>lots of japanese
>sweet relationship
>quality writing
>yay
>feels
>actually rika
>mfw

i enjoyed this. i think there's a bit of a language barrier but it actually sort of had it's own poetic value. it was really sweet.

well done.

[Mirage_GSM]

Speaking of language barrier...
I didn't notice because I only looked at the translations when I first read this, but is this Chinese? I've never seenJapanese without any kana.

[themocaw]

I don't know whether to like this or be confused by this, but it was certainly memorable.

[LordDarknus]

Thanks CptSalsa! BlackWaltzTheThird! Mirage_GSM! SemisoftCheese! Mirage_GSM! and themocaw! Thanks for your posts!

What the... wow. Hmm. Acktphckdhaxxkfninjasgbg.
I did not expect, that. Okay.

So, that was interesting, you had me guessing, and you had me guessing wrong. Was that your intent, or am I really that dense?

It was kind of a M. Night Shyamalan thing.

"What a twist!"

http://teamfourstar.wikia.com/wiki/The_ ... ...#Trivia
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/C ... tShyamalan


...Except it's a feghoot story.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Feghoot
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2454

The feels... they are goo-Hhhnnng!.

Wahaha

Huh. I totally did not realise that twist until the end of the letter. My suspicions were raised when I saw 'Katayama'; 'wait, wasn't Saki's surname Enomoto?' I thought to myself. this was reaffirmed when it continued on to say the Kanji came from Saki's plate. But that was all thrown out by the end of the letter. The etymology pun on Katayama <-> Kata(wa)yama was brilliant; props to you for picking up and and utilising that.

Props accepted.

That said, the half-Japanese half-English terminology there seems a bit inappropriate. I know it helps the pun get across, but perhaps it would be better used if you wrote 'Cripple Mountain' and let the readers figure out the pun themselves. In any case, nice work.

Yeah I know, but since 'Katawa' was kind of a thing, and.. both of them speak Japanese anyway, ..it didn't really occur to me much.

(..also, 'Katawa' doesn't exactly equal 'cripple' in terms of offensiveness and meaning somehow, ..i don't know,)

Sadfic/10 would read again.

Well...
It feels a bit like you wanted to tell a story, but couldn't be bothered to do it properly so you just wrote a summary...

Yeah... i guess... it was written in less than a day.. (less than nine hours) (which is way too many even to me) (I usually finish up in two)

http://www.halolz.com/wp-content/upload ... nmario.jpg

A few things are disjointed; I think a few even contradict themselves, like Saki not knowing her father but still being called to his deathbed...

Presumably, they tracked her down. The hospital staff and the legal people, I mean.

Well... okay, there's a bit more of a back story there, Saki was given special treatment and allowed out of the camp Because her father was working for the war effort, and that Saki had her ataxia condition. (all other Japanese babies were indiscriminately detained in camps, disregarding that they Are Infants)

And Saki was born in the 'Heart Mountain' facility,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_Moun ... ion_Center

(another pun / reference / coincidence to the name of Yamaku, and kind of a 'bookend' to Saki's life, in that to Saki; 'Yamaku' means that she is with Rika, finally 'together forever' at a mountain top.)

(The "Romantic Side" of Saki always wanted to climb Mount Everest, and Stand At The Top of the World, sorry i left that out, it was supposed to be part of Saki's many many bedridden hallucinations, and it would have been too cruel, and I didn't really want to go back and rewrite and add it somewhere earlier in the story, ...sorry)


And it was also Saki's mother who had the ataxia, and not just a carrier. Saki's Dad didn't want her to know any of it, so he requested for the officials to keep quiet about it all, on top of being ashamed of having to abandon his wife and unborn child.

Thus, tragically; Saki, her mother and father all suffered agonising ends to their lives on breathing machines.

I thought it was better than Saki didn't know any of that, or I personally couldn't bring myself to put that in, so I left it out.

Also I'm not sure how Rika could have been called back to Japan against her will. If she was in university, she had to have been old enough to decie to stay if she wanted.

She didn't have a permit to Stay in America, only to study. And given the relations between the two nations then, the authorities would be more than eager to "look into the matter".

I wasn't thinking of Rika either but some kind of female Hisao. (They wouldn't have made a male Hisao Saki's roommate, would they?)

I said 'Hallmate', mate. Granted, it's still pretty unlikely for that to happen on University dorms, but still...

Good Eye Mirage_GSM!

(Also, I wonder if Spoiler tags should be implemented here? Some people like to read the reaction posts to a story before reading the story-posts themselves, so... or never mind, I guess, their loss. It'll teach them a lesson to not peek at the last page of a new book. Muahahaha!)

>see saki story
>go read
>gun=boom
>lots of japanese
>sweet relationship
>quality writing
>yay
>feels
>actually rika
>mfw

i enjoyed this. i think there's a bit of a language barrier but it actually sort of had it's own poetic value. it was really sweet.

well done.

Thank You!

I do strive for a poetic approach to everything, but.. yeah I guess that made it look like I had a language barrier to deal with i guess.

Speaking of language barrier...
I didn't notice because I only looked at the translations when I first read this, but is this Chinese? I've never seenJapanese without any kana.

Yeah it's Chinese.

Even More of a "back story" here;

I wanted to make Saki Caucasian-Chinese instead of Caucasian-Japanese, and that she had lived in Chinatown with her Dad and Maternal-Grandma who came from Shanghai, and that she was mistaken for Japanese and locked away.

Why?



Because I thought Rika might have been the one to have founded the 'Shanghai', and is keeping it going despite the apparent lack of patronage.

And since I've seen so many people nitpick the ever-loving meat out of the Turkey Sandwich available in the Shanghai (Shizune's route), I thought it would be Saki's favourite food, along with the free soup.

But in that direction, I would have gone even further about Grandma's Wantan noodles and soup or something, or put in something about Tiananmen Square, but then I would have to consider the timeline, and the Vietnam War would have been closer in occurrence, and then I thought "Screw That! Way too complicated! Let's have Saki be nicknamed Sally after 'Axis Sally' or 'Pyongyang Sally' and be done with it! Also! Thinking about the Tank Man at this hour is making me wish Girls Und Panzer would hurry up and release the final two episodes!"

And the phrase / arc words 'Together Forever' (at Yamaku) started to ringing to me, so I focused on that and just let the Shanghai thing go.

(久 means "a long time / while", but it can also be interpreted as "Forever")



Be Thankful that That Song did not make it in, given the bloody-tired-ass state I was in, ..i just might have been stupid enough to do it.

And I always liked the phrase 'Forever and a Day', ...it's a beautiful phrase.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinity_plus_one

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... usOneSword

I don't know whether to like this or be confused by this, but it was certainly memorable.

Err.. Thanks! I Appreciate your Post!