Hanako's Broken Heart Club

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Wing
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Wing »

Kitsune Spirit wrote:So I just had this thought again:

I often wonder why no one ever bothers to respond to anything I ever write (on other sites, FB namely, and sometimes DA). Am I really that boring, or am I just such a non-entity that they can't even remember that I exist long enough to see what I have to say? It doesn't bother me often enough that I get depressed, but sometimes I notice it, and it makes me feel like a nobody. I really feel alone then as stupid as that may sound. Other "friends" on my accounts - some of whom I actually consider friends and not just "people I know" even if they are internet-friends - have multiple people responding to things they post, while I might only have one comment, if that.

This happens offline to, I get treated like an afterthought, like I'll be in a group of people and the usual automatic "hi how are you" gets passed around and I will get ignored, or they will notice me and this "I guess I should say something to this person too" look briefly comes across their face before they ask me.

I'd make an excellent spy since I seem to be so forgettable...
I feel the same way sometimes.. But sometimes, you play out the negatives way more than the positives. For example, when I was in school, I thought I was a very antisocial kid who didn't make any connects at all. It certainly feels that way because I don't talk to any of my high school friends or classmates anymore. I quit facebook these days so there's no connection. But when I was talking to people at a party a little bit back, I was talking to this girl, and she said that I was actually very intimidating and hard to talk to. I thought hmm, that's interesting, I thought I was just boring. So I connected that line of thought to my high school experiences and it turns out that I had a lot more friends than I thought. Evidently my yearbooks were filled to the brim with people who I assumed that I never connected to. Even now, as I remember the yearbook signing days, I was always sitting alone watching other people sign their friend's yearbooks. It goes to show that your perception might only be YOUR perception.

There's a social psychology term for this, fundamental attribution error. It basically says that we assume the worst out of people. For example, If the the person that you were talking to on facebook suddenly starts ignoring you, you could look at it like they don't want to talk to you anymore, but you could also look at it like oh the person was called to do something and I shouldn't disturb them. It'll make you feel better if you try to make the reasons more positive rather than negative. Now, I know from personal experience that this is very difficult to do when you are in your current frame of thought, but it does feel pretty good when you can constantly avoid the fundamental attribution error.

TL;DR
Your perceptions might make our life seem more negative than positive
Try to avoid assuming the worst of people. Avoid the fundamental attribution error!

Source for the FAE:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamenta ... tion_error
Beoran
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Beoran »

Ok! Here's my first weekly update! :)

Wing, yes, we do tend to see the worst in others... and sometimes also in ourselves... We all think we like the truth, but often we like a comfortable falsehood better.

Torric: Apart from extreme situations, I think for most people there is no predestination. Only cause and consequence, action and reaction. But the problem is that our actions are normally ruled by our habits. And bad habits can take a long time to break, or even to get aware of. In a sense everybody is their own prison.

Parliament, you may want to lay off smoking pot and stay away from "friends" who are dealing. While I think pot should be legalized for medicinal use only, while and where it isn't, it's not worth while risking fines or prison over it. You need real friends, not iffy ones that will get you into trouble. Don't obsess about your loved one being far away. If the love is real, then distance will make the heart grow even more fond of each other. But if someone wants to make love to you, and if if the person and situation is right, then we got to be daring enough to take what is graciously given to us.

For everyone who I did not reply to, it doesn't mean I'm uninterested. Just that I may not feel like I have anything meaningful to say, or lack the opportunity to do so.

And thanks to everyone who showed their concern about me.
Kind Regards, B.
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Torric
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Torric »

Beoran wrote:Torric: Apart from extreme situations, I think for most people there is no predestination. Only cause and consequence, action and reaction. But the problem is that our actions are normally ruled by our habits. And bad habits can take a long time to break, or even to get aware of. In a sense everybody is their own prison.
I asked because I myself am a believer of fate (but mot so much on predestination). Not the type of fate that involves predestination, but rather the type of fate that involves your past, but catches up to you eventually. Philosophy aside, I don't believe that "there's someone for everybody". I believe that some people (such as myself) are just meant to be miserable and alone.
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Kitsune Spirit
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Kitsune Spirit »

"There's someone for everyone" is just a bunch of bullshit... it reminds me of that scene in Liar Liar where Fletcher is talking to his son:
Max Reede: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say to make themselves feel better.
And so you usually hear that "there's someone for everyone" bit from people who already have someone. If that was really true... then what about children or teenagers, or young adults who are killed? Did they have someone? It would be a cruel cosmic joke if they did, and that "someone" now has no one.

I believe in love at first sight and to a limited extent in soul mates... but I don't believe in predestination.
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Gandara
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Gandara »

"There's someone for everyone" is just something people who have someone say so they don't have to feel bad for or help those of us who are alone. It's such a knee-jerk thing to say, pretty lame.

However, if you subscribe to the opposite "foreveralone" attitude, then you certainly will never find anybody. The most important thing to do is to try. Once you've given up you literally have zero chance, instead of the generous .01% chance you had before that.

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Parliament
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Parliament »

That Michael Scott pic gave me a good laugh, thanks bud =)

Honestly, whether there is someone for you, whether or not your finding them is predetermined, the only thing you can control is which risks you take. While it's easy for me to sit here and say this, taking that advice myself and finding a person you/I feel is worthy of a risk, is something else entirely.

Whether or not we succeed, I hope we enjoy the ride and I wish good luck to all of us =)
Last edited by Parliament on Mon Jan 28, 2013 8:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Kitsune Spirit
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Kitsune Spirit »

I dont subscribe to the forever alone theory, even though I sometimes feel like it. I've been too busy the last 1.5 years to even try... and all the girls in school (college school, not highschool) were already dating/married, or I just wasn't attracted to them.
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Steinherz
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Steinherz »

Kitsune Spirit wrote:I dont subscribe to the forever alone theory, even though I sometimes feel like it. I've been too busy the last 1.5 years to even try... and all the girls in school (college school, not highschool) were already dating/married, or I just wasn't attracted to them.
You and me both my friend. But there was a saying I've heard before that perfectly sums up romance "Liebe ist für alle da" or "Love is for everyone" (it's also a Rammstein Album/Song but that's besides the point:lol:)
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Fiandra
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Fiandra »

Kitsune Spirit wrote:I dont subscribe to the forever alone theory, even though I sometimes feel like it. I've been too busy the last 1.5 years to even try... and all the girls in school (college school, not highschool) were already dating/married, or I just wasn't attracted to them.
Just be cool and lay low, someone will come to you :P
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Exbando
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Exbando »

Every girl that I talk to is already in a relationship. Every time I figure that out, I usually just stop talking to them, even though I shouldn't.
Fiandra wrote:
Kitsune Spirit wrote:I dont subscribe to the forever alone theory, even though I sometimes feel like it. I've been too busy the last 1.5 years to even try... and all the girls in school (college school, not highschool) were already dating/married, or I just wasn't attracted to them.
Just be cool and lay low, someone will come to you :P
From personal experience thus far, that does not happen, and I really wish it did. It would make everything so much easier.
Hanako > Lilly = Emi > Shizune > Rin
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Kitsune Spirit
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Kitsune Spirit »

I know, it woud be so great if girls would take the initiative and chase after the boys sometimes! Were supposed to be equals and stuff! lol
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Fiandra
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Fiandra »

Exbando wrote:
Fiandra wrote:
Kitsune Spirit wrote:I dont subscribe to the forever alone theory, even though I sometimes feel like it. I've been too busy the last 1.5 years to even try... and all the girls in school (college school, not highschool) were already dating/married, or I just wasn't attracted to them.
Just be cool and lay low, someone will come to you :P
From personal experience thus far, that does not happen, and I really wish it did. It would make everything so much easier.
It happened to me not so long ago. I was doing my usual stuff (Gaming :lol:) and then suddenly a confession.
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Exbando
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Exbando »

Fiandra wrote:It happened to me not so long ago. I was doing my usual stuff (Gaming :lol:) and then suddenly a confession.
:x You lucky little...It must have something to do with those ponies of yours...
Hanako > Lilly = Emi > Shizune > Rin
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Kitsune Spirit
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Kitsune Spirit »

Then you were lucky... I wouldnt mind finding a girl that was into gaming and manga and anime. She wouldnt need to be a hardcore otaku/gamer though.
Xanatos
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Xanatos »

Torric wrote:I asked because I myself am a believer of fate (but not so much on predestination). I believe that some people (such as myself) are just meant to be miserable and alone.
Correction: You do believe in predestination because that's what fate is. And your second statement there is in blatant support of predestination.
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