Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

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griffon8
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by griffon8 » Thu Nov 15, 2012 11:09 pm

I'll let you in on a little secret: I read the stories in the Fan Fiction forum in reverse order of my interest. I'm a patient guy, so I like to save the best for last. I did all the game's routes in reverse order of my affection for the girls.

The point I'm getting to is that this little tale of yours has risen towards the top of my interest pile. It's not first, but it has gotten read by me later than most other stories, as the ones that would beat it haven't been updating as often of late.

I look forward to this continuing.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Thanatos02
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/8]

Post by Thanatos02 » Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:32 pm

Hoitash wrote:Oh, and you got a good story here, combined with a different idea, too. nice job so far.
griffon8 wrote:I'll let you in on a little secret: I read the stories in the Fan Fiction forum in reverse order of my interest. I'm a patient guy, so I like to save the best for last. I did all the game's routes in reverse order of my affection for the girls.

The point I'm getting to is that this little tale of yours has risen towards the top of my interest pile. It's not first, but it has gotten read by me later than most other stories, as the ones that would beat it haven't been updating as often of late.

I look forward to this continuing.
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Machoman
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by Machoman » Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:35 am

Really like where this is going

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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by YourFavAnon » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:50 am

Still love how you're working through this. Keep up the good work.
I write things occasionally.

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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by Scissorlips » Sun Nov 18, 2012 11:57 pm

Just wanted to throw in my two cents and say that I'm really enjoying this story so far as well. I can tell that you're starting to get used to the more connected format and you're able to start playing to your strengths now, so I look forward to seeing where the story goes next.
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by Thanatos02 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:06 am

Machoman wrote:Really like where this is going
YourFavAnon wrote:Still love how you're working through this. Keep up the good work.
Scissorlips wrote:Just wanted to throw in my two cents and say that I'm really enjoying this story so far as well. I can tell that you're starting to get used to the more connected format and you're able to start playing to your strengths now, so I look forward to seeing where the story goes next.
Comments like this are like some kind of distilled motivation, I swear. You don't know how much that puts me at ease.

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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by Thanatos02 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:10 am

I actually had a bit of fun writing this, and even more fun going back and changing up a few details. I was a little iffy on how to handle the text messaging, so I decided to just play it by heart. I'm not sure about anyone else, but my 2007 phone had a 150-character limit when it came to messaging, so I used that as well as I could.
As far as the actual texting goes, I think this is the only time I'll employ it to this degree. Originally I planned it this way because I figured Hisao, as a character in this story would feel apprehensive about calling someone over the phone if he's only known them for a relatively short while. This reflects a bit on my beliefs as well, since where I grew up it was all text messaging; you didn't really call anyone unless you were super tight-knit with them.

Or needed tech support.


Act 3 - Part 3-1: Silent Comedy

The sound of a bell signals the beginning of the last part of the school day, much to the joy of the students who have just sat through a little over four hours worth of lecturing. Science, history, mathematics, and literature among others have skipped by in what I wish was the blink of an eye.

Luckily, like many of the other people here; I don't have to worry about an athletics period. My excuse comes from an inability to maintain a high degree of fitness without the risk of killing myself, but it's an excuse nonetheless. I've been referred to the track on numerous occasions by the head nurse, but... I'll get around to it someday. Before I'm already dead, if we're talking ideal conditions.

There are some men who can force themselves to wake up at six in the morning to go run around in a circle for an hour, and there are some men who just want to eat breakfast.

Each section of the room tingles with miscellaneous conversation, only audible as a mess of babble between the talk of after-school plans and gossip about popular kid of the week. Somehow, the only people who aren't talking are one: a student who I believe is physically unable to talk, and two: the loudest girl in class, her fingers flexing about as she signs to her companion.

I'd add in a three, but the person who qualifies for that position disappeared after lunch and hasn't returned as of yet. I'll assume that she decided to take the rest of the day off. It's not as if I can blame her, since the most boring class of the day is up next.

Before I've realized it, a mousy woman has taken her place behind the podium in front of the room, the word 'English III' written in both Japanese and the dreaded language up on the board.

I think it would be honesty to say that this is both my least favorite class and the least engaging subject offered at this school. It doesn't help that I've never paid attention in foreign language studies to begin with, so I'm about as behind as is possible.

“Hello, how are you? Fine, thank you.” she announces to the class in English with about as much enthusiasm as a drowsy cat.

Welp, time to look out the window for an hour.

*************

“Hiichan~, you there?”

No, I'm not here. I'm asleep. I'm not Hisao if I'm asleep.

“C'mon, wake up~!”

Something nudges at my shoulder from the side, shaking me back and forth for no reason.

“Hiichan, Shiichan says you'll have to help us get ready for Tanabata if you don't wake up~!”

That's not how labor agreements work. That's like saying 'you're bound to follow this contract UNLESS you sign on the dotted line.'

I pull my head from the cool surface of the desk, having to squint to try and adjust to the bright, afternoon sunlight. Better to wake up than be conscripted to a week or two of doing something like building stalls or trying to get sponsor money from shops in town.

“Awww, I was hoping you'd stay asleep.” Misha comments, her belongings already packed away and resting in a book-bag on the desk. Shizune sits beside her in much the same way, arms crossed as she peeks around her pink-haired companion.

I wonder if one is ever without the other. It wouldn't surprise me if they even slept in the same room or shared the same sets of clothing.

“What's up?” I ask as I try to shake the grogginess from my head, knowing full well that it'll take all of my wits to avoid falling into a 'stuck working for the student council' hole.

“Class ended ten minutes ago, Hicchan. If we hadn't woken you up, you'd be here all day~.” Misha answers.

“So why are you two still here?”

Misha wags her finger back and forth before commenting with “silly Hicchan, it's the student council's duty to make sure all students are taken care of. First ones in, last ones out~.”

“But by waking me up, aren't you interfering in my well-being? I'm an adolescent high school student, I need eight to ten hours of sleep a day.” I counter.

At Misha's translation, Shizune's expression changes into a playful smirk, arms flying into a frenzy as if what I had just said were a challenge.

“Shicchan says adolescent students also need at least one hour of physical activity to stay healthy~. Have you done that today?” Misha argues.

Oh come on, are we really getting into this? A few weeks ago I enjoyed these little back-and-forths, but now it's more of a hassle than anything.

“I'd have gone out and ran a few laps around the track if I could just get enough rest. You expect me to work at my fullest when I'm only getting four hours of sleep?”

A complete and total lie, but I know they're just trying to turn this into a battle of wits. I'm not the sharpest or most intelligent of people, but I think I can hold my own if it's just a game. Hell, Akira would find it amusing, at least.

“Then perhaps you should go to bed sooner. What is it that you stay up all night doing, Hicchan~?” Misha asks with a playful tone, her giggling causing my brain to go straight into the gutter.

“Studying. We've got exams coming up, and I can't afford to let my grades fall at this point in the year. I've got college to worry about as well.” I answer.

A competitive glint flashes in Shizune's eye as she signs her next response. I'll go ahead and assume that I'm arguing with Shizune through Misha, rather than with the both of them.

“Oh, preparing for entrance exams so early in the year? I couldn't tell how much of a diligent student you were between all those in-class naps~!” the pink-haired half comments, supported by a smug grin from the blue-haired part of the pair.

Well, they got me. I could poke fun at how they play board games rather than actually work when it comes to student council duties, but the fact that they do anything at all means they've already got one up on me.

“And what about you two? Surely the student council makes time to keep up with their studies between all the backbreaking work you do?”

Shizune's hands fly up to respond, but then lay prone in the air, motionless as her face takes on a flustered expression. Misha looks back and forth between us while waiting for a response, head tilted in curiosity as Shizune tries to think of a response.

"Of course we keep up with studies. It's important for the representatives of the student body to maintain perfect grades~! How can one be an example to their peers without academic perfection?"

As soon as Shizune looks away, however, Misha adds in "we tend to get a little behind at times, though~."

Oh, huh. It's hard to feel satisfied with an answer like that.

“Anyway, where are you planning to go to college, Hicchan~?” Misha asks, content to take the lead in the conversation as Shizune steps out.

“Probably to a small school in the city while I figure out if I want to go to a university or not.” I answer with a bit of uncertainty.

It's nothing definite, but it's a start. At least there's an idea as to what I've got planned, which is much better than the 'I have no clue' I would have had to have given her a few weeks ago.

“Ah~, best of luck to you~! What are you planning to study?” she asks, her hands still translating in the same robotic motions even though her companion has lost interest.

“Science.” I answer.

“Wahaha~, that's why you and Mutou get along so well~!” Misha comments, giggling as though I had just said something funny.

“And what about you two?” I ask.

Misha glances back at Shizune before answering “I want to be a sign language teacher~, and Shicchan...”

The two exchange bits of inaudible speech for a few moments before Misha returns with “and Shicchan doesn't know yet~!”

Wait, what?

I thought someone in a position of responsibility like the class president would already have everything sorted out. Things like what college she wants to go to, what to study, where to apply to, and everything else. It wouldn't surprise me if she's already planned out reservations to every restaurant she'll go to for the rest of her life.

“Really? I figured Shizune would have everything cleared up already.” I respond.

“These things take time, Hicchan~. You can't expect me- I mean Shicchan to have everything sorted out in the blink of an eye.” Misha responds, unable to stifle a bout of laughter as Shizune stands up and throws her bag around her shoulder.

“Anyway, we've got to get going. Our duty here is done~.” she comments before joining her companion. The two of them wave goodbye before taking their leave, off to tend to important council duties like settling a match of checkers or getting a good seat at the Shanghai.

Well, that provides a bit of retrospect, I suppose. Mutou and Akira have both told me things like 'everyone had difficulty making that decision,' but it's always sounded like adult 'this is just what you say to the younger generation' advice. It's a bit comforting to know that someone else is in the same shoes; moreso because that person seems to have everything else planned out.

I could go back to sleep on the desk and hang around until the janitors kick me out, but I think it's time to be heading back. I could at least take a nap on the bed and escape the risk of being woken up by outsiders.

All of my belongings – none stained with drool, thankfully – are gathered into my bookbag and its strap is thrown over my shoulder in a habitual series of movements. From there, I vacate the classroom, stepping out into the hallways and eventually into the afternoon air.

Students are still bustling about the campus grounds, whether it be to head to club activities or go back to the dorms, everyone seems to walk, or... roll, with a sense of purpose.

I've accepted that there's a higher percentage of people in wheelchairs here, but somehow my thought process hasn't yet adapted. It was in my mind at least, so should I even be feeling guilty?

Regardless, the only place waiting for me is my room, where I'll subject myself to another afternoon of needless contemplation and studying.

There has to be something else to do, even for someone without a club or a group of friends. I could go into the city and wander around, but I'll be honest with myself and admit that the only reason I agreed to do that is because of the chance of running into a certain someone.

What else do adolescent teenagers do when there's nothing else to do? I missed the chance to check out a few more books, and I don't feel like heading back to the library. There's Kenji's package, but I feel like I should save that for later. Maybe next time I head into town to pick up some things, I'll grab his package while I'm at it.

What about a job? I'm eighteen, could use a bit of experience before I venture out into the real world, and the extra money wouldn't hurt. But... really? Would someone like me even be capable of work? Wouldn't I have to mention 'long QT syndrome – at risk of dropping dead from physical exertion' on any of my applications?

And then there's the question as to where I'd work. The grocery store? Kenji stops in there, I'd rather not. The Shanghai? They're not going out of business, so I can't see them needing workers other than Yuuko and... whoever else works there.

Are there any opportunities in the city? I doubt the arcade is accepting workers, and you have to go through a bunch of civil service exams to work for the post office. I'm not a certified bartender or a musician, so I couldn't get work at the jazz club. I'm not cordial enough to be a waiter, nor strong enough to load trucks.

It was an idle thought, but now I'm actually considering it. It would give me something to do, at the very least. Plus if I can land something in the city, it gives me a reason to run into Akira more often. I'm not getting my hopes up, but it's something to try for, at any rate.

With this idea in mind, I decide to head back to my room. Or, at least, I want to head back to my room, now that a bespectacled person has decided to join me.

Of course, I say 'join,' but it's more like he almost ran headfirst into me. I'm sure that's the only way he knew it was me behind those quarter-inch thick lenses.

“'Sup, dude.” Kenji greets.

“Hey. Your package wasn't at the post office in the city, it-”

“What?! No! Nonono! They have my number, Hisao!” he yells, losing his composure in an instant. I wonder if it's a sort of talent to be able to go from calm and collected to frenzied at the drop of a hat.

“...it's in the post office here in town. Where it was originally supposed to wind up.” I comment between bouts of paranoid rambling.

“Oh, really? Cool.” he replies, switching back into 'everything's just fine' mode. “Why didn't you pick it up on the way back, then?”

“The post office is closed on Sunday.” I answer.

“Tch, damn.” he comments.

“What's in that package anyway? Is it something important?”

I don't think the question is unreasonable. I'd be the one picking it up – if it were so vital, wouldn't he take the possibility of me opening it up into account?

“It is indeed something important, Hisao, something so amazingly vital that its contents could very well spell the end of life as we know it. It may contain all the evils of the world, or even some form of nuclear weapon. It's imperative that you-"

“Open the box for myself because the curiosity would be too much to bear?”

“What? No! C’mon man, it’s a package from my mother. Why you gotta be a dick like that?” Kenji jabs back.

“Oh, alright then.” I comment.

His parents send him things while he’s at school? More importantly, what kind of people are Kenji’s parents? Are they just as ‘off’ as he is, or are they the normal sort who somehow wound up with a wacko of a son?

“Seriously, though, don’t open the box. It’s a crime to look through other people’s mail. I don't want you to get indicted or something.” Kenji asserts.

Now that I think about it, didn’t he say he got that bottle of whiskey from his parents? Do they send him alcohol in the mail? If they did, would it be a monthly or even a weekly thing?!

“Don’t worry about it; I don’t think I want to know what it is anyway.” I reply, shaking my hands back in forth in refusal. “Do you need it right now?”

“Nah, it’s just something to have on a rainy day.” he replies with a calm smile.

That does not help his case at all.

“Fair enough. Are you sure you don’t want to go get it yourself? I’m gonna be busy for the rest of the day.” I reply.

“FEMA. Feminists. Something else that starts with 'f.' Have you forgotten?” he answers, no doubt with a darkened gaze obscured by such thick glasses.

“Fine, I’ll take care of it later.”

“Awesome. Thanks, dude. What are you doing, anyway? You’re always cooped up in your room.” he asks.

Does Kenji even have the right to say something like that? He doesn’t even leave his room for class sometimes.

“Studying. Thinking. College stuff, figuring out what I want to do with my life.” I answer, having to come up with something on the spot since the best answer for what I do in my room is 'nothing.'

“Shit, man; that’s deep. I bet you were the Dalai Lama is a past life or something.” Kenji comments.

“Speaking of which, where are you planning to go to college?” I ask.

“College? I’m shooting for MIT. Shouldn’t be too hard, with my intellect.” he replies, words layered with a stroke of confidence.

“MIT? That’s some kind of world-class university, isn’t it? What are you planning to do at MIT?”

“Hell yeah it is. I’ve always dreamed of becoming a theoretical physicist.” he answers, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

What.

“Since when have you wanted to be a theoretical physicist? Where does that even come from?” I ask, bewildered.

“Dude, I’ve always been the science sort. Understanding how the world works, trying to figure out what makes things happen, how they happen, when they happen, why they happen; all that shit. I wanna do that. Ask questions, solve problems, find out how magnets work, stuff like that.”

Wait, so Kenji is into that kind of thing as well? I always had him pegged as the ‘mad scientist’ sort, but… he might actually turn out to be some kind of scientist! All this time I was standing right next to someone who shared the same interest as me?

“Really? Wow. Are you sure you’re going to go for it? I hear that’s one hell of a profession to take up.”

“Of course I’m ready, dude. I’ve already got my crowbar and everything.” he states.
Last edited by Thanatos02 on Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:14 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Thanatos02
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/14]

Post by Thanatos02 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:12 am

There's supposed to be a time skip of a few hours here, but I don't think the little asterisk break is necessary since it's a new post. Does that throw anyone off? It happens in a lot of recent parts as well.

Act 3 - Part 3-2: Silent Comedy

Alright, so, homework is finished. It took a few hours, but I am now caught up in all of my classes, even English. It took some time, and I'm certain that I missed a couple of the questions, but the point is that it's completed.

My options now are; stare at the ceiling, gaze out the window, or read another chapter ahead in the textbook.

Yeah, I should have stopped by the library. I need to get into some real reading again, especially since that conversation with Hanako earlier has my interest re-kindled in a certain series of books I never got to read the sequels to. More stories to fill my thoughts with, rather than the same old worries about anything and everything that passes through my head.

At this point I may as well start filling out job applications, since that’s about all else there is to d-

My train of thought is derailed at the sound of a short buzzing, coming from the cell phone lying on the other end of my desk. My heart skips a beat as all the possibilities race through my head, or rather, the one possibility, since my parents don’t message me.

It’s probably a stupid idea to get my hopes up, though. Maybe a wrong number or a message about how many minutes I have left, or something equally disappointing.

[Akira S: Good morning. Or is it afternoon there?]

Sure enough, it’s from the one other person who has my number. For once, my hopes lay uncrushed.

But wait, why is it good morning? It’s six in the afternoon, that’s not exactly morning; Unless you’re some kind of hardcore nap-taker, anyway.

I tap against the plastic keys of my phone, each of them giving way against my thumb with a muted ‘click.’

[It’s six in the afternoon here, yeah. Is it not the same time there?] I type before pressing the ‘send’ button.

About a minute passes before the reply rolls in, [it’s nine in the morning. Timezone differences, dummy.]

Timezones? Oh. There’s a good reason to feel stupid, heh. I can just imagine that amused smirk of hers, paired with a light chuckle.

[Whoops.]

Once again, it takes about a minute for the next message to come. I wonder just how long it takes for a message to get sent from Scotland to Japan. Does distance even affect such things if radio waves move at the speed of light? Is data like this even translated in radio waves?

I’m already trying to get myself into the mindset of a scientist, no need to add computers in on top of that.

[Yeah, whoops. How are things going over there?] the lit-up screen reads.

[It’s been alright. Nothing really happens here. I managed to talk to Hanako a bit, so I guess that’s something.] I type into the plastic keypad, making sure to check for spelling before pressing ‘send’ once more.

[She’s not that hard to get friendly with. It just takes a bit of tact, you know?] the reply states.

Just takes a bit of tact? I suppose open-heart surgery takes a bit of tact as well, but it’s not any easier or harder. I think what happened today was out of pure luck.

[I suppose. How did you get acquainted with her?]

This time the phone vibrates twice, with two new messages appearing in my inbox.

[She’s in the room across from Lilly’s. I ran into her a few years ago when I was helping Lilly move in, and it just gradually picked up from there. Ha] [nako goes wherever Lilly goes, so I managed to score a few minutes with her each time I visited.]

I guess there’s a character limit or something, and the message gets split up if it goes over the allotted amount. Should I make sure to keep my messages short? It wouldn’t make sense to keep track of such a thing though; Akira doesn’t seem like the sort to be annoyed by a message being split up.

[That’ll do it, I guess. It doesn’t feel like I’ll get to that point anytime soon, though. What about you? Did the trip go well?]

[Like I said, just takes some tact. And it was pretty great; they don’t call it first class for nothing.]

I can’t help but chuckle at the reply. It’s not hard to imagine Akira stretched out on one of those reclining seats, not a care in the world for any of the glances she might get from an attendant.

[That’s nice. What’s it like being with your family again?]

[I was a little nostalgic at first. It’s been a while since I walked anywhere with Lilly around my arm, but it didn’t take long to get used to again.]

I don’t know the circumstances about her family’s departure to Scotland, but I take it her relationship with them has worn a little thin. I'll have to avoid asking about her parents for now, as curious as I may be.

[That's nice; how is Lilly doing?] I tap into the plastic keypad, anxious to keep the conversation going. I'd love to talk to her in real time, but... I don't know, it just doesn't feel right to call her. Not right now, anyway.

[Just fine, as usual. She doesn't let her beauty sleep get away from her, though.] Akira replies.

[I can see Lilly being a heavy sleeper. What have you two got planned for today?]

Akira did mention using her time there as a sort of vacation; I don't blame her either, she seems like she could use the time off. There's pubs in Scotland, right? That's probably the first thing she'll try out. There were some beach-related things in the plans as well, I think.

[Today is important stuff. I haven't actually seen anyone other than my mother yet, and she's doing just fine. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see how m] [y aunt is doing.]

I can't see Akira being annoyed by the character limit on the messages, but it's bothering me quite a bit, for some reason. Text conversations like this probably won't catch on between us; I'll have to man up and get a phone call going at the very least.

[That is why you're there after all, right? I'm sure she's fine, though.] I tap into the phone.

[To be completely honest, I'm hoping to score a bit of vacation time while I'm here. It's been too long since I've been to a beach.] she replies.

The wait between each of these messages is a bit of an annoyance as well. It's like talking to someone and then having to wait a minute for them to reply; it's just something I'd rather do in real time, even with as much of a social doofus as I can be at times.

[The beach? I never pictured you as the beach-dwelling kind of girl.] I counter as soon as I feel the device in my hand vibrate once more.

[I had a thing for the beach when I was little, during the few times we'd actually take vacations.] Akira replies. The next message flies into my phone's memory as soon as I finish reading the first, [There's a bit of a need for a new swimsuit, though. I don't think I can fit into anything I wore as a ten year old anymore.]

Oh, but the thought of such a thing sure is nice. Damn this adolescent imagination of mine.

[Are you sure? I think you could squeeze into it.] I tap into the phone, unable to resist the temptation.

[Highly doubtful. I know how much you want to see me try though.] the reply reads.

Ooh, that hurts. This girl knows how to play with a guy's head.

[You're blushing, aren't you?]

Does she joke with everyone this way, or just me? How can I ever hope to keep up with that? I'll bet she and Shizune used to get along really well.

[Very funny.] I reply, not bothering to mention the fact that she was right on the money.

[You started it. But honestly, I do need to buy a new swimsuit. What do you suggest?]

Wait, what? Why is she asking me?

I'm a male who hasn't been to the beach in years. On top of that, she has a boyfriend who I'm sure would have a much more valid input on the matter. I know they're taking a break, or something along those lines, but does that mean they don't talk at all, even about things like this?

No point reasoning with it. She said she wanted the smart ass in me to come out more, so how about this?

[A checkered wetsuit.] I tap into the phone, unable to keep from snickering like an immature kid playing a prank on his friend.

[Checkered, maybe. Wetsuit, no. I don't plan to go diving, dummy.] she responds.

This time I'm the one laughing. I suppose this kind of communication has its benefits, since I'd never be able to have this conversation face-to-face. Maybe when she gets back from her trip I'll be able to joke around with her in real time.

[Oh, are you saying that was a serious question?] I counter.

[Mostly, yeah. I have to admit that I was trying to trick you into saying something like 'a bikini'] the next message confesses.

Thought so. My point this time, Ms. Satou.

[What, you don't like those kinds of swimsuits?] I ask, willing to risk the chance of her jabbing back twice as hard.

[Nah. There's a careful balance of class and confidence that can only be found in a one-piece.]

No sharp reply? No hard-hitting counterattack? Disregarding that, the choice fits a girl like her, somehow. I'd be lying if I claimed I wasn't interested in seeing her in any kind of beach wear, though.

[Awww, I don't get to see you in a two-piece?]

I know I'm trying to joke around with her, but what is even coming out of my fingers at this point? There is no one else in the world I would even risk saying something like that to.

[I'll get back to you on that. For now, I'm gonna have to let you go. I planned to be at the hospital at ten-thirty and it's already ten.] Akira answers, no doubt with a sly grin on her face.

[Don't worry about it. No point in holding you back any longer. Talk to you later?]

[If the clocks ever match up, then sure. I think we're nine hours apart, so I'll try not to wake you up at four in the morning.]

She'd probably snicker along with something like that. Is it wrong that I've only known her for a few weeks, and yet I already have the sound of her laugh embedded in my mind?

[Alright. Take it easy, Akira.] I tap into the phone before answering.

[Will do, Hisao.]

That last message puts me at ease, for some reason. I'm not sure as to why there's any worry in the first place since she can take care of her self, after all.

There's no point in lying to myself and trying to claim that I harbor no attraction to her; that much has been established. But just how far do my feelings for her extend? How did it even wind up like this; an eighteen year old guy in a high school for the disabled smitten with a twenty-four year old woman?

Was it sudden, or has it gradually built up? Will it keep building, or is this the extent of how much I can have feelings for someone? Can you really put an 'amount' to something like this, or is it an on/off kind of emotion?

And the most important question of all;

What does Akira look like in a swimsuit?
Last edited by Thanatos02 on Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:02 am, edited 2 times in total.

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nemz
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by nemz » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:49 am

Ugh, texting. The phone is in your hand already, so just call me!

TBH this reads more like an IM though... I mean who the hell uses proper spelling, grammar and capitalization when texting? To be clear, that's not a suggestion to convert it all to "txt spk".
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Thanatos02
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by Thanatos02 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 1:01 am

nemz wrote:Ugh, texting. The phone is in your hand already, so just call me!

TBH this reads more like an IM though... I mean who the hell uses proper spelling, grammar and capitalization when texting? To be clear, that's not a suggestion to convert it all to "txt spk".
Neither Hisao nor Akira felt like the sort to just send things off without putting effort into them. I couldn't imagine any emoticons being exchanged either, so I didn't really have to take any 'realisms' into account.

I do think I could go back and somehow convey the time it takes between each message a little better. It's supposed to be about an hour passing in the duration of that conversation, but I fell kind've short of representing that.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Nov 20, 2012 6:27 am

The conversation is too long to convey the time passing beteen each message. The chapter would go on forever and be incredibly boring.
I guess there are people who do text message conversations that long. If I get a text message and my answer would be more than "yes", "No" or "10pm", I always call that person back, though.
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mader Levap
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by Mader Levap » Tue Nov 20, 2012 6:54 am

Well, I am one of people that use text messages way more than talking and I do NOT write "u r" and similiar crap that would be annoying and unreadable in fiction. So yes, we do exist. :P
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by Hoitash » Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:18 am

“Of course I’m ready, dude. I’ve already got my crowbar and everything.” he states.
Epic geek reference FTW :D

If that isn't fanart already, it will be now. Nice work, once again :)
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Andere
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by Andere » Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:43 pm

The "crowbar" line about slayed me -- that's one of the best executions of a punch line I've seen in some time. Well done, sir, well done.

I can't think of any unobtrusive way to portray time passing other than timestamps, but that would make it look more like a chat log than phone messages. I think the mentions of the time passing are good enough.

The story is good so far. One thing I'm curious about, though: Are you going to try to stick to a "story ends at Act 4" format? One of the main advantages of the four-arc set-up in the source was that it provided a nice "introduction, set-up of interpersonal situations and conflicts, situation deepens, resolution" division of the plot arc, and it strikes me that ending it at Act 4 would be problematic when Act 1 was already in the canon and Act 2 had to be used to introduce the female lead.

Sorry if it seems like a dumb question, but... When you've read enough fanfic, you start to worry about works adhering to the Stations of the Canon.

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Thanatos02
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Updated as of 11/19]

Post by Thanatos02 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:59 pm

Mader Levap wrote:Well, I am one of people that use text messages way more than talking and I do NOT write "u r" and similiar crap that would be annoying and unreadable in fiction. So yes, we do exist. :P
I try to use proper spelling/grammar for everything, so it's act of habit at this point. Plus my phone autocorrects for capitalization, so that's nifty too.
Hoitash wrote:
“Of course I’m ready, dude. I’ve already got my crowbar and everything.” he states.
Epic geek reference FTW :D

If that isn't fanart already, it will be now. Nice work, once again :)
Glad you're liking it.
Andere wrote:The "crowbar" line about slayed me -- that's one of the best executions of a punch line I've seen in some time. Well done, sir, well done.

I can't think of any unobtrusive way to portray time passing other than timestamps, but that would make it look more like a chat log than phone messages. I think the mentions of the time passing are good enough.

The story is good so far. One thing I'm curious about, though: Are you going to try to stick to a "story ends at Act 4" format? One of the main advantages of the four-arc set-up in the source was that it provided a nice "introduction, set-up of interpersonal situations and conflicts, situation deepens, resolution" division of the plot arc, and it strikes me that ending it at Act 4 would be problematic when Act 1 was already in the canon and Act 2 had to be used to introduce the female lead.

Sorry if it seems like a dumb question, but... When you've read enough fanfic, you start to worry about works adhering to the Stations of the Canon.
Thanks for reading!
I think if we were to compare her with the other girls, Akira is up to what all of the main five girls had at the end of act one in the actual game. I'm going to account for this though, and hopefully I'll be able to keep writing through an Act 5, for a more complete story.

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