Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Kouryuu]

Tell me about it. Furthering the existence of the human race? Bad idea.

100% agreed, the human race as a whole is fucked, we just gotta do what we can to stay sane ^^.

@Kutagh - Good points, I could try and in most situations be way better that my own parents but the chance of a situation I dont know how to handle coming up is way too high and I wont put myself or the kid in that position. I guess you got lucky really, or your just good at seeing the good .

Haha you might regret it but then once it passes you might get proud but its so unpredictable!

I had something else I wanted to write but I cant remember it... I swear it was good... damnit.

[Helbereth]

@Pyramid Head
Dude, I like your take on things, but could you use the enter key once in a while? Sometimes it's fine, but the wall of text a few posts back left me with a headache. It wasn't even poorly written - just unbroken.

I heard this voice as I was reading it: Picard's description.

@Ghotiheads
Parents never understand very well when their child ends up not being well-adjusted - or at least not well-adjusted enough for their own purposes. I wouldn't worry about it too much, most people have absolutely no idea how children think even if they used to be one - it no longer makes sense to them, so they write it off as being abnormal.

Elementary-High School is a kick in the teeth if you're not 'normal'. Kids are about as understanding as brick walls, and they aren't capable of seeing past the exterior. If you look a little weird, they're going to assume the worst. Charles sounds like an asshole, so I wouldn't concern yourself with how he came to view you later on - not worth the effort and worry.

As for the medical issues, I really haven't got much advice. Seizures can be acute and brought on by nutritional deficiencies or other conditions - they don't always signify a chronic problem. Spinal taps can be done incorrectly even by seasoned professionals, and doing two in one day sounds like a nightmarish mistake in etiquette. My mother still gets back pain around where she had a spinal tap 20 years ago.

As for the chest pain, I'd go see a doctor. Even if it ends up being nothing terrible, you should still have someone check it out - especially considering the lingering effects. A few years back I came down with a bad cold that was on the pneumonia level, and ended up going to the hospital because I was having trouble breathing.

During the check-in, they found my blood pressure was 210/155, which is nearly double the normal 120/80 - they rechecked it 4 times. Now, it's normal for your BP to spike due to an illness, but that was on the stroke-level of ridiculous. Basically, I was on the verge of having my heart explode or my veins starting to tear apart, so I was immediately put on medication to lower it, and I've been on them since.

When not medicated and otherwise healthy, my BP hangs around 150/100, which has caused, apparently, chronic headaches, insomnia, and other nasty symptoms for years that I passed off as normal. If I don't keep it down, it can result in chronic heart problems down the road, and that's just plain frightening.

Had I not gone to the hospital, there's a real chance I could have had a stroke or some other cataclysmic event. That's not a calculable risk - get it checked out.

[Kutagh]

Tell me about it. Furthering the existence of the human race? Bad idea.

100% agreed, the human race as a whole is fucked, we just gotta do what we can to stay sane ^^.

@Kutagh - Good points, I could try and in most situations be way better that my own parents but the chance of a situation I dont know how to handle coming up is way too high and I wont put myself or the kid in that position. I guess you got lucky really, or your just good at seeing the good .

Haha you might regret it but then once it passes you might get proud but its so unpredictable!

I had something else I wanted to write but I cant remember it... I swear it was good... damnit.

I don't think I'm that good at seeing the good. I do know situations that I hated (and that my parents regret). So I do think I've lucked out here.
And in life you always will encounter situations you don't know how to handle. Look at Camoufrage, Xiious and so onwards. That isn't even parenting, that is your life. As I said, you can only try your best at doing well. Incidentally that is one of my worries for caring for young children, I can't hear or understand them as well due to their softer and higher pitched voices. But nonetheless I won't let it dominate my choice, because you are bound to make mistakes.

[Ghotiheads]

You know, the parents thing is not really an issue for me. Okay yeah it is, but I've dealt with it. Mostly. Right now I'm freaking out about my chest. My teacher approached me when I guess I made it fairly obvious I wasn't doing well and I got to hear the "Your nineteen and you're dealing with what?" speech again. Except you know, it's my chest not my back or headaches.

I have to call my mom in an hour asking about insurance and a multitude of other things. That's not helping matters any. But hey at least I have an icebreaker. "Yeah sorry I've not called in three weeks, so I'm insured right? I have to go to the hospital for my chest pains."

Crap I'm not doing well. I am really not doing well. Some adviser today told me he thinks it might be muscles in my chest doing it. So what are they torn? Sprained somehow? All this worrying makes me think about it, which seems to make it hurt more and then that makes me worry more. I don't want to be some sad sap, but geez I've never been this freaked out over anything before.

Ugh everyday conversation with people involves a damn elephant in the room. All anyone seems to want to talk about is how broken or messed up my body is. Which doesn't really help. Think I'll go to a help desk and ask their opinion on the issue. Might as well get perspective, even though I'm sure it'll just freak me out more. I mean they are trying to help so might as well right?

[Kouryuu]

You know, the parents thing is not really an issue for me. Okay yeah it is, but I've dealt with it. Mostly. Right now I'm freaking out about my chest. My teacher approached me when I guess I made it fairly obvious I wasn't doing well and I got to hear the "Your nineteen and you're dealing with what?" speech again. Except you know, it's my chest not my back or headaches.

I have to call my mom in an hour asking about insurance and a multitude of other things. That's not helping matters any. But hey at least I have an icebreaker. "Yeah sorry I've not called in three weeks, so I'm insured right? I have to go to the hospital for my chest pains."

Crap I'm not doing well. I am really not doing well. Some adviser today told me he thinks it might be muscles in my chest doing it. So what are they torn? Sprained somehow? All this worrying makes me think about it, which seems to make it hurt more and then that makes me worry more. I don't want to be some sad sap, but geez I've never been this freaked out over anything before.

Ugh everyday conversation with people involves a damn elephant in the room. All anyone seems to want to talk about is how broken or messed up my body is. Which doesn't really help. Think I'll go to a help desk and ask their opinion on the issue. Might as well get perspective, even though I'm sure it'll just freak me out more. I mean they are trying to help so might as well right?

I'm not too sure what to say, I can compare it to some situations I had while I thought I had cancer, whenever I got an odd pain somewhere especially in my stomach I just freaked out thinking the death sequence had begun. The only thing I can think of is just staying calm, I would say try deep breaths but, well yeah... I think at this point you just need information and when you recieve some like what it could be dont freak out, because it might not be that. Sure knowing can be scary but at this point you kind of need to know I think. At least that way you can act, do something.

I think the most important thing is to stay calm, easier said than done I know...

[newnar]

Guys you gotta help me out here. I'm in a fucking daze about what my next step in life is.

Ok I'm NOT physically attractive. NOT in any way, any aspect, any form. I used to have a crush on this girl in when I was back in high school but I never got any chance because she has a boyfriend. I used to have a dream in life as well, an self-righteous ambition which to most would seem like nothing but some stupid hare-brained ideological bullshit. Problem is, recently I've come to that conclusion myself. I'm trudging through life now, going through a period of time of which my countrymen have to go through after high school, waiting to go to college. Life since high school has been quite unfortunate, I must say. Many things have happened, most of which aren't really good. I even got my ass landed in a real shady place for a few days because of plain unluckiness.

What's happening now is, a bunch of old classmates from high school (whom I wasn't really close with but are almost the only people I talk to in my class) suddenly started to ask me out to do stuff I've always kept out of my lifestyle (which is mostly couped up at home reading books, playing games, listening to instrumentals, watching anime and lurking forums). Uptil now they've made me go to a club (first ever time), drink tons of shots (I've only ever liked red), drink at a pub and bar. To not give you guys the wrong impression, these guys are NOT delinquents. Not at all. They are all proper guys, with proper education and college spots like I do. Just that they probably lead a more active lifestyle and are big fans of (stupid imho)movies such as SuperBad and the American Pie series.

What's freaking me out more now is this. Recently they secretly asked the girl I had a crush on to join us, without informing me. Fortunately it was at a posh pub which didn't have such a wild atmosphere. I learned that she still has her boyfriend from high school and thought that it would probably be a bad idea to erm, express myself. I mean, it's retarded. I'm still a fucking couch potato and a fat four-eyed geek. That night, I tried to shun the bunch from her to stop them from passing her bad influence and it ended with the two of us in the same taxi. I didn't do anything, but days later the bunch started to tease me for trying to be some white knight in front of her. They were aware that she was my crush since high school and I assumed they just did that to piss me off. But now they're starting to get me to go to the gym and workout, in name of trying to let me get the girl. BUT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. I keep saying but they shove that away by saying my actions betrayed me that night. I'm not going to spoil her relationship, I'm not going to. I admit, she still gives me the chills when she's around, but after a year of not seeing her I have more or less gotten over her. Actually, I don't know. I don't even know if I like her anymore. It sometimes scares me how my old classmates joke about raping her and forcing her to perform blowjobs and shit. I know they're probably just saying under alcohol influence or doing it to piss me off but the thought of that reels me over inside.

In all seriousness, I have no idea what the fuck to do. I have lost interest in almost everything. Almost. Even gaming seems bleak. And things just get worse and worse when I lost my PSP and a couple of other devices that used to mean a lot to me just a few days ago. I hate this world, the way it works, humans, myself, my family and the way people communicate with each other. I don't have a dream anymore. I have turned so indifferent, I don't even know how I did. I don't know what I want in life, I don't know what is life. I'm still trying to live life the way I "should", according to what I think my gamer-self would. I'm trying to tell my other tiny social circles that I'm still me, but every time I do that someone screams "Liar" inside. Sometimes it's so loud it's deafening. I can't do this anymore. I need to run away from all these people around me. Those who know me, those who don't know me. Those who know me well, those who know me not-so-well. I'm in a constant state of distress nowadays and I can't sleep properly.

This world sucks. You know what? I'll tell you a story of my birth. I was born prematurely, not because of anything else, but because while in my mother's womb, I wrapped the umbilical cord around my neck two and a half rounds. My first ever suicide attempt. According to the doctors I should have died. Maybe that's why I'm the kid who was never supposed to have been born. I was a nobody because there wasn't a spot in the world for me. To me everything in the world is fucked up beyond all imagination, including myself. Certain media forms have been sanctuaries for my sanity throughout the years and I fear that even these are starting to lose their grip on me. Right now I can't even believe that I used to have such a stupid ambition with such a retarded drive such as trying to remedy this god-forsake place of selfishness and cunning.

[Ghotiheads]

You have shitty friends. No use sugar coating it, cause you do. I'm guessing from your sig, you have trouble with words, but have you ever flat out told them this stuff bothers you? If you have, and they keep it up, dump them. Stay friends with the girl if you want, no sense burning that bridge unless it makes you even more uncomfortable.

And yeah, life sucks. But you know what? It's the only you got. I don't want to get all self righteous here but since it's impossible to really know, there probably isn't an after life (I do respect your beliefs religious people I swear. Doesn't mean I agree with them.) so you have to make the most of it. So be glad you almost died. It means you get to keep living, even if it's for a little while longer. Don't think you're a waste of space either. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably is. The only wastes are people who delight in bringing others down.

If the issue won't go away you're gonna need to talk this girl. You probably knew that already though. The best thing to do is be honest. Tell her you have no idea what you should feel right now. But if you still want to be friends, tell her that. Maybe it won't work. But at least then you'll feel better. Losing a friend sucks. Having a false friendship or a confusing one can be worse.

[Total Destruction]

So today's the day before we All split off and go back to our homes and such. I saw my dad crying over his 90 year old grandma as they were saying goodbye. Was such a sad sight. Makes what I'm about do with his life and everything even harder.

You guys have no idea how hard this is for me. I mean I still love my dad, but the right thing has to be done. Jeebus

In order to make an omelet, sometimes we gotta mess up a few eggs, or something like that. Yeesh. Don't blame you in the slightest, people are people, truth will out, and Goddamn it, be good, man. I feel for ya.

@Xiious: Man. Get a physical, maybe. Your psychosis might be medical, maybe. Regardless, be good and GET SOME DAMN SLEEP.

@Ghotiheads: GET A PHYSICAL, MAYBE. Good Gawd, y'all.

[Pyramid Head]

@Newnar

Sorry to say, even people who live shit lives have low points. Things like this though also, i'm sad to say, seem inevitable. Sometimes your friends just turn out to be shit. Fortunately speaking as someone who has been up shit creek a few times, the depression you feel does fade and you will move on. The fact that you had the capacity to find some joys in life and to make friends means you can recover, it's not something lost due to torment from one group of people with the emotional maturity of a five year old raised on RapeLay. Take a minute to calm down, cut your ties with your "Friends" until their balls drop and they're ready to stop behaving like idiots, and try to keep things straight with your lady friend so that you don't have to get in an even more awkward situation with her.
...just don't bring up the more unpleasant attributes to what you've told us around her. Full disclosure isn't always necessary when alcohol is involved unless you have good reason to believe something bad will happen.

[Kouryuu]

@newnar - Thanks for your story. I dont know what you can do about your 'friends' and this crush but I do know the feeling of losing interest in everything and not having a dream/next step in life.

I never had a dream or a 'what I want to do in life' for more than a few months, if that, during teenage years. Any time I tried something I was put off by failure, embarrassment or just general not believing I would ever be good at it. I know how that feels. I had overcome it purely due to luck, a series of events happened which, at the time, messed me up but led me to where I am now, while it still hurts I dont regret it.

I think the best thing to do is really think about what you want to do, what you want to become. Think about what you enjoy, see if you can make something of it. If you are lost for idea's then the best way is to try some things. You can search on the internet or look around outside. Maybe someone else can help there, but what I am trying to say is you need an 'end goal'. Somewhere you want to end up, you then need to set smaller goals that you can achieve in say a year or 6months, then even smaller monthly, weekly or even daily goals that progress you further towards the end goal. Once I found my end goal and set on my way towards it, I was able to sort a lot of things out. I was no longer depressed, I had a will to live. There is more to it than that but at the end of the day, you need to figure it out yourself. What works for me probably wont work for you. The belief system is also a strong one and I'm not talking about religion. I believe in myself, in my end goal. I believe I can achieve whatever I want to.

In regards to losing interest, I lose interest all the time. It's quite frustrating. I dont know how bad it is for you but for me I regularly sit staring at my PC screen with absolutely no motivation to do anything, anytime I load up something or start reading I just blank out and stop. I havent found a cure for it yet but I just dont let it get to me, sometimes taking a walk can help at least for a while. Usually it just goes away overnight. It did used to really bother me and I used to get really unhappy because I thought it was a really bad thing but its just something that kinda happens... It did used to happen over multiple days/weeks when I was depressed but now its just odd days, hopefully that means eventually I wont have any down days .

[metalangel]

Why are you guys saying newnar's friends are assholes? They might be joking around a bit but they're also encouraging him to go out and socialize.

@newnar: Don't get depressed about this. Take advantage of it. You've already got to go out and try new things, meet new people, this is a good thing. You complain of being an ugly, four-eyed couch potato. Do you want to stay that way or do you want to try and be something more?

Don't worry so much. You say yourself this girl has a boyfriend already, so she is NOT your responsibility. Don't be so naive as to think their 'bad behaviour' will somehow corrupt her, respect her as a person able to decide for herself if she's uncomfortable or not and to do something about it.

I'd say you have a great opportunity here, make the most of it! Try going to the gym! Go out clubbing again! Meet other girls. Enjoy life OUTSIDE the internet and anime.

[Xanatos]

@Newnar: Your friends sound like pricks. Confront them about this crap and, if they continue, dump their asses. As for the chick, talk to her too. The outcome can't be any worse than this awkward thing you've got going with her now.

@Ghotiheads: Welcome to the club, Hisao! I can't say much that hasn't already been said so just try not to die at this point.

[Ghotiheads]

Welcome to the club, Hisao! I can't say much that hasn't already been said so just try not to die at this point.

Ugh the irony here kind of hurts. No that's my chest. Wait does this mean I get a waifu?

[Xanatos]

Welcome to the club, Hisao! I can't say much that hasn't already been said so just try not to die at this point.

Ugh the irony here kind of hurts. No that's my chest. Wait does this mean I get a waifu?

Irony tends to do that. Good luck with all that, either way. Sounds like a lousy deal but that's life sometimes.

And yes, yes it does.

Unfortunately, it's Jigoro in drag.

[Tomate]

@ Newnar

Everyone has some kind of problems when they are between high school and college: military drafts, indecision, anxiety before leaving your home, leaving your friends behind, moving to a new town, deciding your major etc. It's normal bro. Don't over think about it. Soon you'll be in college, things will get crazier, and after some decades you will reminisce fondly of this time.

Now to the problem at hand, your friends are jerks, and you are bing a white knight.

I tried to shun the bunch from her to stop them from passing her bad influence

She was your classmate, so she has your age, right? She is your friend/secret desire not your daughter/ward, don't try to protect her if she did not ask for it.

Moving on, Your so called friends don't seem too friendly. If they annoy you, you should let then know, if they persist you don't have to take their shit, Just move on.