Re: Hanako, Uninterrupted (post-good end, complete) (sex)

[MusedMoose]

This is my first foray into KS fanfiction, and I'm kind of nervous posting it here. I mean, some of the devs might read it. Not something I've had to worry about with other fics I've posted. @_@ It's also the first time I've tried writing something in the visual novel format, so... yeah. I think it worked out all right, though.

Anyway. This story takes place after Hanako's good end. It will eventually have explicit content, but nothing moreso than what's in the game already. I have finished the story, and plan to post a part of it every few days. Hope y'all enjoy it.
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Homecoming

It’s amazing how much can change in two weeks.

A few days ago, Hanako and I both heard from Lilly, with welcome news: she was coming home. I’m still not sure if she sounded relieved or just tired, but I don’t think it really matters.

What matters is she’ll be back here soon, and . . . and we’ll all have a lot of talking to do.

I woke up today to a text message from Akira, and found out a while later Hanako got the same one. ‘Meet us at the airport, yeah? I got someone from work to drive my car over, so we can celebrate when Lilly and I get home.’

I can’t help but wonder if some of that was wishful thinking on Akira’s part. As crowded as the airport is, I don’t know if she thought about whether or not Hanako would ever come here. But a lot has changed.

Hanako’s here at the airport now, standing with me. Okay, she’s mostly standing behind me, ducked down with her familiar hat pulled low. I can understand why she wants to stay as hidden as she can. We haven’t been here long, and already enough people have walked past us to fill every classroom in Yamaku.

But she’s here. And while she’s holding onto me, as expected, she’s holding my hand now, not just clinging to my arm. That makes all the difference.

Of course, with all the people rushing through and how low she’s ducking, I doubt anyone passing by sees anything more behind me than hat and hair.

I keep my head up, scanning the crowd for familiar faces. Lilly and Akira should be easy to spot. Their height and hair color means they’ll stand out, even in this crowd of travelers.

I feel Hanako squeeze my hand, and look back at her. She still looks timid, but not scared. It doesn’t seem like she’s going to bolt at any moment. Lilly’s going to be really surprised to find her here.

Hanako
“D-do you think their plane’s landed by now?”

Hisao
“It should have. They have to go through customs and all that, so it might take them longer to get down here.”

She doesn’t say anything back, but I’m used to that. It’s not the kind of silence that means she wants to say something but can’t, or the kind that hurts. I can’t read her all the time, but this one, I feel pretty confident about.

All the same, I can’t help hoping Lilly and Akira get here soon. Standing in a crowd isn’t going to get any easier for Hanako, and I can’t help hoping no one bumps into me and hits my chest. What time did Akira say their plane landed again?

I check my watch, then hear someone yell out over the crowd.

Akira
“Oi! Hisao!”

I look up, and catch the glimpse I’ve been waiting for. A grin spreads across my face, and I turn to Hanako, see the small smile she’s wearing. I squeeze her hand this time.

Hisao
“There they are. Let’s go.”

We press through the crowd, just enough to get to our friends. Lilly looks halfway exhausted, like she wishes her cane was good for supporting her. Even her ribbon seems wilted. Akira somehow looks like she just stepped out of that jazz club instead of off a half-day plane trip.

Akira
“Hey, you two. Good to see ya, glad you could make it.”

Hisao
“Welcome home, Lilly, Akira.”

Hanako
“Welcome home. How . . . how was your trip?”

Lilly stands up straighter at the sound of Hanako’s voice, disbelief crossing her face. Akira must not have said she invited Hanako to come meet them; she must have wanted this to be a surprise. It clearly worked.

Lilly
“Hanako? You’re here?”

I really, really wish Lilly could see the look on Hanako’s face right now. Her smiles are rare enough, but always genuine, and this one could light up the entire airport. Akira’s expression brightens, and then I catch her glancing down to where Hanako holds my hand.

Something devious flits into Akira’s eyes, and I get a sudden sense of impending doom.

Hanako
“Akira told us we could come meet you. I . . . I didn’t want to stay behind.”

Hanako drops my hand and steps forward to hug Lilly, a rare public display from those two. I can tell how much they must have missed each other, just from the looks on their faces, and I can’t help but smile. For just a moment, I feel like all is right with the world.

Then I catch the smirk Akira’s shooting at me, and that feeling ends. Akira holds up one hand, points to Hanako, then me, then crosses two fingers together and raises an eyebrow.

I feel myself blush as I nod. Akira puts her hand over her mouth and shakes in silent laughter.

It’s going to be a really long ride home. I can feel it.

Lilly and Hanako separate, and Hanako clings to her arm, the gesture familiar. Lilly smiles, and pats Hanako’s hand with her own before looking in Akira’s direction.

Lilly
“Shall we be off, then? I could use some rest.”

Akira
“Been gone for two weeks, and all you want to do is sleep? C’mon, Lilly, we should celebrate! Besides, I’m sure these two have all kinds of things to talk about.”

My eyes meet Hanako’s, and we both start to blush. I don’t think for a second Lilly will be upset about what happened. It’s just not an easy thing to discuss. Especially with that phone conversation Lilly and I had.

Letting Hanako be by herself, not trying to protect her, that’s one thing. Everything else that happened . . . that’s another. That’s a whole lot of another.

Lilly’s frown gives me hope that we might get off the hook, at least for today.

Lilly
“I’m not even sure what time it is. I don’t think I could--”

Akira
“It’s a little after two, and you don’t have class tomorrow. We can go for a quick drink or something before you plop back down in the dorm, yeah?”

An idea comes to me. Familiar surroundings sound like a really good idea right now.

Hisao
“We could go to the Shanghai. That’s close to home.”

Lilly gives a tired smile, and I let my breath out quickly. That was a little too close. Knowing Akira, she’d want to get us wine again, and I really don’t want to talk about what’s happened when any of us are drinking alcohol.

Especially Hanako, considering her less-than-stellar tolerance. I glance at her, and she nods, also looking a little relieved.

Lilly
“That sounds lovely. Thank you, Hisao.”

Hisao
“No problem. We’ve both been studying so much lately, we haven’t had time to do much.”

Akira
“I bet.”

Hanako tenses all at once, so much I can see it. There’s no way Lilly didn’t feel it. Between that and Akira’s sly comment, Lilly has to know something’s going on. Great.

Before I can say anything to distract everyone, Akira snags Lilly’s bag from where it sits at her side and hands it to me.

Akira
“Give us a hand, Hisao? The guys from work should have the car brought around by now.”

I pick up Lilly’s bag, and Akira gives me another wink, along with a grin I can only describe as lecherous. My stomach starts to sink. She’s not just going to ask how it happened. Oh no. She’s going to ask for details.

It’s going to be a really, really long ride home. I can just tell.

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To be continued.

[griffon8]

It's also the first time I've tried writing something in the visual novel format, so... yeah. I think it worked out all right, though.

I would highly recommend that you don't write it in a visual novel format. It totally takes the reader out of any narrative flow to be forced to stop and be told who's about to speak.

I can't speak of the quality of the story otherwise, as I won't be reading it in its current form.

[Brogurt]

Why is it so short
sadface

Anyway, yeah, the people on here throw a fit whenever something isn't in typical prose format, so I'm going to share with you a little thing that I've taken to doing.

Write in a way that makes sense even without the names precluding each line, such as designating speakers, adverbs, etc. within the internal monologues, and you can still refrain from ever having to type "'Yadda yadda,' he says." At that point, it's possible to just make a separate version with the names still attached if you're so inclined.

That's probably about as good as I can explain it, and at the risk of sounding even more conceited, the only way I can better explain it would mean telling you to actually read my writings to see what I'm talking about. Just don't read Hanako's letter in "To Whom It May Concern," because she, being the author of an actual letter, disobeys these rules since she's the narrator rather than me.

/tangent

[Guest]

Hisao
“It should have. They have to go through customs and all that, so it might take them longer to get down here.”

Forgive me if I'm wrong, or if I misunderstood, but from experience, one only has to go through customs at the airport one is departing from, rather than arriving at.

[Guest]

Hisao
“It should have. They have to go through customs and all that, so it might take them longer to get down here.”

Forgive me if I'm wrong, or if I misunderstood, but from experience, one only has to go through customs at the airport one is departing from, rather than arriving at.

Apart from that, though, this was excellent. I do hope you'll write more.

[Ascended Flutist]

Alright Alright Alright.

It's also the first time I've tried writing something in the visual novel format, so... yeah.

Visual Novel format draws a certain range of reactions in these boards, few of them being positive. HOWEVER, I don't have any problems with it. In fact, I think I can help with the issue of broken narrative due to character naming.

It's simple really, color-code it! People familiar with the VN will easily recognise character color associated with their speech patterns. It doesn't break the flow, and pretty colors man! But that's just my take on it.

Now, aside from the technical aspect, This was pretty gud. Really liked it a lot. Hope you'll continue this.

[Mirage_GSM]

Sure you have to pass customs at the airport of arrival. Why do you think they have a lane for people with "something to declare"?
Griffon already told you about the script style. The reason why you should not write that way is because in a VN it is neccessary to write that way. In a fic you don't have to, so there's no reason you should limit yourself that way.
Also, I think though Akira can be a bit obnoxious sometimes, she would still be more considerate of Hanako. She always was in the VN. And what tipped her off in the first place. It seemed to me that she took one look and knew everything that happened. Did she gain clairvoyance in Scotland?

EDIT:
Regarding colour coding... Please don't. It is just a cheap cop-out with not even the excuse that you're trying to emulate a VN. Also it hurts my eyes X-(

[MusedMoose]

Why is it so short
sadface

Anyway, yeah, the people on here throw a fit whenever something isn't in typical prose format, so I'm going to share with you a little thing that I've taken to doing.

I haven't posted the whole thing yet, but thanks; always good to know people want to read more. ^_^ And I usually write normal prose, but considering KS, writing this in the VN format seemed like a good idea. It's the kind of thing I can get away with experimenting with in fanfic.

Apart from that, though, this was excellent. I do hope you'll write more.

Thank you. I've written the whole story, and I plan to post a new part every few days.

Griffon already told you about the script style. The reason why you should not write that way is because in a VN it is neccessary to write that way. In a fic you don't have to, so there's no reason you should limit yourself that way.
Also, I think though Akira can be a bit obnoxious sometimes, she would still be more considerate of Hanako. She always was in the VN. And what tipped her off in the first place. It seemed to me that she took one look and knew everything that happened. Did she gain clairvoyance in Scotland?

I wanted to write it in VN format because, when I write fanfic, I try to keep it as close to the canon way of storytelling as possible. I'm not limiting myself, just trying something new.

As for Akira, I'm not sure why you think she's being inconsiderate. I think she would have invited Hanako to the airport, but would have understood if Hanako didn't want to go. As for what tipped her off, I thought it was clear. @_@ She doesn't know "everything that happened", she saw Hanako and Hisao holding hands, and made gestures to Hisao to silently ask if they were together. Hisao nodded to confirm. Akira seems like the kind of person to be happy when two people she knows get together, and I think she'd be the type to indulge in a little good-natured teasing. ^_^

[Mirage_GSM]

Teasing Hisao is perfectly okay for Akira, but doing so in Hanako's presence could send her in a three day panic locked in her room for all she knows...
And yes, you are limiting yourself. By writing script style you are ripping your readers from the story everytime there is a bit of dialogue. That is not what you ideally want to do when you are writing a story.

[Helbereth]

And yes, you are limiting yourself. By writing script style you are ripping your readers from the story everytime there is a bit of dialogue. That is not what you ideally want to do when you are writing a story.

I have to agree a bit here. You said you normally write in prose, so you could have done that instead. The reason the VN format works is because it offers more than just the text. In the VN, there's the background and characters that keep you focused on where the story is when it switches between prose and dialogue. When you read a script you don't have those visual aids.

As I read through this, even thinking it was good, I felt like the persistent breaks were forcing me out of the head-space of the scene. It's a technical format applied best to writing, well, scripts. Using it for a flowing story ends up feeling jilted.

Still, I liked it even if it felt a little jilted. In the future, don't use a script format when prose would work better.

[Ascended Flutist]

Teasing Hisao is perfectly okay for Akira, but doing so in Hanako's presence could send her in a three day panic locked in her room for all she knows...

I feel this particular point is rendered moot by her bringing alcohol to Hanako's party and dragging her and Hisao to a jazz club.

Bringing alcohol to a party is perfectly okay for Akira, but doing so in Hanako's presence could send her in a three day panic locked in her room for all she knows...

Dragging friends into a jazz club is perfectly okay for Akira, but doing so in Hanako's presence could send her in a three day panic locked in her room for all she knows...

Y'see what I mean? If anything, she's treating Hanako like she would any other friends, and although she does worry behind the scenes, I don't think she sees her as a porcelain doll at all.

I even think that's the main reason Hanako values her friendship with Akira so much, and is as comfortable with her, as opposed to her being simply 'Lilly's cool sister'.

[MusedMoose]

I feel this particular point is rendered moot by her bringing alcohol to Hanako's party and dragging her and Hisao to a jazz club.
[snip]
Y'see what I mean? If anything, she's treating Hanako like she would any other friends, and although she does worry behind the scenes, I don't think she sees her as a porcelain doll at all.

I even think that's the main reason Hanako values her friendship with Akira so much, and is as comfortable with her, as opposed to her being simply 'Lilly's cool sister'.

Yes, thank you. Hanako is not made of spun glass, and she's not some one-note shrinking violet either. Akira knows this, and it seems like Akira treats Hanako like she would any other friend.

I won't deny that Hanako has her issues, but she goes through quite a bit in her own path, and comes out stronger for it. If she can deal with getting drunk and having a hangover, going to the jazz club with her friends, heading downtown with Hisao and getting stared at by the creepy shopkeeper, heading downtown by herself and eating at a cafe (both with and without Hisao), and the emotional whirlwind of her own good ending, then I think she can handle Akira teasing Hisao a bit. ^_^ Besides, Akira teases Hisao in Lilly's path, about him being in a room with two girls in their pajamas, and Hanako only blushes and says she doesn't mind if it's Hisao. As far as I remember, the only time we ever see her having serious/extreme issues is when she has to deal with her birthday.

Part of why I wanted to write this story is because I kept thinking about how Hisao and Hanako's actual relationship would work out. Unlike in the other paths, Hanako and Hisao don't really become a couple until right at the end of her route, and I wanted to explore that. And just as they both grew and changed over the course of Hanako's route, they will continue to grow and change in this story.

As for the script/VN format, I appreciate the feedback, but we'll have to agree to disagree. It's how I wanted to write the story, and I will not be changing it. I hope those who don't mind the format will enjoy the story, and those who don't like the format will like the story enough to put up with it. ^_^

[Mirage_GSM]

Well, I see a bit of a difference between taking someone out for a round of pool and teasing them about having had sex for the first time.
Heck, I would have been mortified by the latter when I was that age, but if you think that's about the same - it's your story.

[Helbereth]

Well, I see a bit of a difference between taking someone out for a round of pool and teasing them about having had sex for the first time.
Heck, I would have been mortified by the latter when I was that age, but if you think that's about the same - it's your story.

I thought Akira's teasing was a little ambiguous - much like her character. Sure, it could be construed that way, but she could easily have been asking if their relationship had progressed, not necessarily sexually - which it hadn't, really, prior to their leaving for Scotland.

[Ascended Flutist]

Part of why I wanted to write this story is because I kept thinking about how Hisao and Hanako's actual relationship would work out. Unlike in the other paths, Hanako and Hisao don't really become a couple until right at the end of her route, and I wanted to explore that. And just as they both grew and changed over the course of Hanako's route, they will continue to grow and change in this story.

You have me hyped good sir. Take responsibilities~♥ :]