Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Wanderingheartache]

Well, I have been wondering myself of what could have been, but I guess there is no need for regret. It remained in my memory as pleasant event, after all. There are some things in my past I do regret, but they involve rather education and job choices - and even then not to the extent to be grave worry.

Well that is good to hear... I'm happy to hear you have your priorities straight.

I think, after anime expo... I'll take up the opportunity to become a host for that cafe. I'll be getting free conventions in texas and I'll be rooming with some nice people, the only downside is that it is working most of the convention... I'll be missing a lot of panels because of this and there is no real guarantee of being paid. This would also conflict with any jobs I might actually get to fill the time that I'm not in a convention serving people.

[Beoran]

ArazelEternal, I think you should better start looking for a new job as quickly as possible. If there's one thing I know now is that when things are going bad at work, it's usually some vague omens followed by a swift dismissal. :p Don't wait for them to take the initiative. The fact that the bonuses are being cut is a bad sign, better be prepared and have some alternative ready if necessary.

[introfate]

All of you have heard the phrase "It's Complicated." Well, when you open Pandora's Box, "It's Complicated." Has a whole new spectrum.

Look, that girl I had mentioned.. She apparently went off the deep end when I stopped talking to her. I've been talking to her for about a week now, I'm not trying to become attached to her but she became attached as soon as I bridged contact. I mean, I thought I was doing the right thing by making mends, but I believe Karma decided to pull my strings of fate. This girl, has a million problems of her own she accrued during this "break." She takes Anti-Depressants like candy now, Sleeping pills if she decides she wants to sleep, Not only that. She will not leave me alone, I told her specifically that I only wish to remain friends no more. I explained to her what I did was wrong and so on. She requested a video call, maybe I shouldn't have accepted? Well I did, and for some damned reason she really believes we're dating still. I told her we weren't, she doesn't want to believe that. I don't know how else to explain to her that we aren't. Also, I wish not to live with this for the rest of my life.

Right, well. There's my situation, I've caught up on all the posts but I don't have anything of worth to share at this time. \

[Aili]

All of you have heard the phrase "It's Complicated." Well, when you open Pandora's Box, "It's Complicated." Has a whole new spectrum.

Look, that girl I had mentioned.. She apparently went off the deep end when I stopped talking to her. I've been talking to her for about a week now, I'm not trying to become attached to her but she became attached as soon as I bridged contact. I mean, I thought I was doing the right thing by making mends, but I believe Karma decided to pull my strings of fate. This girl, has a million problems of her own she accrued during this "break." She takes Anti-Depressants like candy now, Sleeping pills if she decides she wants to sleep, Not only that. She will not leave me alone, I told her specifically that I only wish to remain friends no more. I explained to her what I did was wrong and so on. She requested a video call, maybe I shouldn't have accepted? Well I did, and for some damned reason she really believes we're dating still. I told her we weren't, she doesn't want to believe that. I don't know how else to explain to her that we aren't. Also, I wish not to live with this for the rest of my life.

Right, well. There's my situation, I've caught up on all the posts but I don't have anything of worth to share at this time. \

Do you know anyone else who also knows her? Maybe somebody else telling her that you're not dating her anymore will make it clearer for her, even if it's just a bit.
However, just from what you told us, it seems that she has some really deep issues - has she ever gone to a psychologist or something? It might be useful, but it's no use if she doesn't want to change.

[introfate]

Well, Apparently she has seen a Psychologist and he recommended Anti-Depressants. As far as deep issues, I agree. She's said "I don't remember much these days." More than once to me which threw a red flag, I tried getting to the bottom of that but she dances around the subject. I guess there was some obsession formed while I was away. Denial if anything. It's just a bit odd because I would be the last person to be obsessing about. The only person we both had in relation is a late acquaintance.

[Xerxes]

Well, Apparently she has seen a Psychologist and he recommended Anti-Depressants. As far as deep issues, I agree. She's said "I don't remember much these days." More than once to me which threw a red flag, I tried getting to the bottom of that but she dances around the subject. I guess there was some obsession formed while I was away. Denial if anything. It's just a bit odd because I would be the last person to be obsessing about. The only person we both had in relation is a late acquaintance.

A psychologist recommending you to take anti-depressants?! No, no, no, a psychologist has no rights to do so, a psychologist is not a psychiatrist, because the former is just a analyst whereas the latter is first, and foremost, a medic.
A psychologist recommending you to take a psychotropic drug is, at least, irresponsible from their part.

[Beoran]

Introfate, it looks like you meant much more to this girl than you probably knew back then... It seems like she 's desperate for someone to be there for her in her life. Now, I've been on the other side of the fence, obsessing over one lady for 4 years... I only snapped out of it when she showed me that she wasn't the person I had been idealizing for so long... I think it's important to be very honest with her and show her that you are not able nor willing to be her white knight or her lover, but it might take a while before she will be able to let go of you. I think you should try to be a bit patient, yet adamant at the same time as well.

[Xiious]

Small Update:

Found a place to live. No internet, though. Will try and get it soon enough. Take care everyone.

Xious

[Kutagh]

Glad to hear that, Xiious.
@Introfate: You might have to end up setting an ultimatum if it becomes too bothersome for you: Accept being friends only or no contact at all. Of course that is a last resort, not something to use as you like.
Anyway: You couldn't have known. If you didn't contact her, you might've been asking yourself 'what if'.... Perhaps this way you can get closure in that area.

@Xerxes: Try telling that to all those farmers that are force-feeding their animals a whole load of antibiotics. I guess the same is happening at the psychologists and medical area: treating the symptoms with a band-aid fix instead of fixing the actual problem. If I went to a psychologist and he recommended me that, I'd ignore him and go to a different psychologist.

[Kouryuu]

Sorry I havent replied to anyone, I might be able to again soon <3

I just have a question, I will google it, but I wanted you guys experience. Can you change what your heart wants?

I ask because its really pissing me off and has done for years. Its completely retarded and I hate it. I managed to get it united with my head on everything but theres one thing. I guess I should admit what it is if it isnt obvious enough, its that person I want to get back in contact with. I already know what I want and whats possible/whats not but my heart is being a fucking bitch :/. I dont want it to fuck things up for me again.

And dont you dare say 'follow your heart' because thats what caused or at least added to this mess in the first place.

I'm starting to regret sending that message, so much regret and sadness being remembered...

[mysterycycle]

Sorry I havent replied to anyone, I might be able to again soon <3

I just have a question, I will google it, but I wanted you guys experience. Can you change what your heart wants?

I ask because its really pissing me off and has done for years. Its completely retarded and I hate it. I managed to get it united with my head on everything but theres one thing. I guess I should admit what it is if it isnt obvious enough, its that person I want to get back in contact with. I already know what I want and whats possible/whats not but my heart is being a fucking bitch :/. I dont want it to fuck things up for me again.

And dont you dare say 'follow your heart' because thats what caused or at least added to this mess in the first place.

I'm starting to regret sending that message, so much regret and sadness being remembered...

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

"Follow your heart" is very often terrible advice, and I always wince whenever I hear someone spouting that platitude in a movie or TV show. The heart wants what it wants, despite all reason or good judgment. I've tried to change my heart in regards to what it wants for many, many years, to no avail. What it wants would be disastrous at this point, and would only hurt a great deal of people.

I don't think you can consciously change your heart's desires; I think you can only discipline yourself to ignore it sometimes, and hope that things may change enough that your heart conforms to a different desire. Sometimes it might, but I think you need to be prepared for the possibility that doing the right thing, or doing what's best, may always hurt.

Ask yourself whether what your heart wants right now would really be a good thing to follow through on, or whether it would only result in hurting yourself and/or others. Use wisdom.



Also, Post #1000! Woo hoo!

[Tomate]

My heart wants to pump blood around, and that is is it.
Following your heart is a lie created by Hollywood in order to make romance comedies more funny, we all have the ability to think and to reason, so let us use it.

[Kouryuu]

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

"Follow your heart" is very often terrible advice, and I always wince whenever I hear someone spouting that platitude in a movie or TV show. The heart wants what it wants, despite all reason or good judgment. I've tried to change my heart in regards to what it wants for many, many years, to no avail. What it wants would be disastrous at this point, and would only hurt a great deal of people.

I don't think you can consciously change your heart's desires; I think you can only discipline yourself to ignore it sometimes, and hope that things may change enough that your heart conforms to a different desire. Sometimes it might, but I think you need to be prepared for the possibility that doing the right thing, or doing what's best, may always hurt.

Ask yourself whether what your heart wants right now would really be a good thing to follow through on, or whether it would only result in hurting yourself and/or others. Use wisdom.



Also, Post #1000! Woo hoo!

My heart wants to pump blood around, and that is is it.
Following your heart is a lie created by Hollywood in order to make romance comedies more funny, we all have the ability to think and to reason, so let us use it.

Your both very right. That makes me feel a ton better, thanks!

I have always been told by everyone to follow my heart lol, this is the first time ever hearing the other side of things.

I think what I gotta do is just take it slow and be patient. Take a deep breath whenever my mind starts racing etc. You know, its like a challenge and I recently taken to liking challenges.

Man this thread needed to exist 5 years ago, although I probably wouldnt of been as open as I am now... but maybe I would of been able to get somewhere sooner and not waste so much time ^^

[Xerxes]

Don't let your heart fool you, it can mess up your thought process and decision taking.
Following your heart doesn't mean that you are following your true feelings, it kills the rational thinking and twists your spatial and reality awareness. It makes the left hemisphere of your brain too obsessive and narrow minded, and the right hemisphere overtly emotional over things and fickle/volatile.

It's a dangerous cocktail, if you are a left side thinker, it makes you prone to get frustrated when things don't work your the way you want, even over small things, and prone to get depressed and to feel defeated easily, again even over small things, if you are more of a right side thinker.

In simpler words, it makes you act like a jerk, but ironically is part of the maturing process, so thinking with your heart is only useful when you are young, but if past certain age if you are still following your heart or be always hot-headed, it means that you haven't learned anything.

The opposite of this is thinking with a cold mind or cool head. Learning to do so it's part of survival and self-preservation.

[Kouryuu]

Don't let your heart fool you, it can mess up your thought process and decision taking.
Following your heart doesn't mean that you are following your true feelings, it kills the rational thinking and twists your spatial and reality awareness. It makes the left hemisphere of your brain too obsessive and narrow minded, and the right hemisphere overtly emotional over things and fickle/volatile.

It's a dangerous cocktail, if you are a left side thinker, it makes you prone to get frustrated when things don't work your the way you want, even over small things, and prone to get depressed and to feel defeated easily, again even over small things, if you are more of a right side thinker.

In simpler words, it makes you act like a jerk, but ironically is part of the maturing process, so thinking with your heart is only useful when you are young, but if past certain age if you are still following your heart or be always hot-headed, it means that you haven't learned anything.

The opposite of this is thinking with a cold mind or cool head. Learning to do so it's part of survival and self-preservation.

Well said. I love you and everyone in this thread. <3