Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

WORDS WORDS WORDS


Leaty
Posts: 515
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 9:18 pm
Location: Exile

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — An Iwanako Campaign

Post by Leaty »

griffon8 wrote: … Proceed.

Finally, a Misha path!
I wouldn't get your hopes up for me to write one. Right now, I don't want to get any more ambitious than a parallel story to Act One (which is why the story is titled what it is.) Writing a Misha path would essentially be tantamount to rewriting Shizune's path, replacing Hisao with a borderline-OC, and revising the conclusion of the story, which is a close enough prospect to rewriting The Girl Who Lived that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It doesn't help that Doomish has already begun to write a Misha path and it's better than anything I can do in that area, nor does it help that any Misha path I tried to write would now be tainted by my having read it. And, at any rate, as much as I adore Misha, I don't really care for Shizune, so writing a ton of somatic dialogue for a character I don't find that exciting really doesn't make my life any easier in that regard.

I'll say this, though; if, after all is said and done, I haven't provided a springboard for somebody else to write a great Iwanako/Misha romfic, I'll have failed at what I'm setting out to do.
User avatar
Guest90206
Posts: 75
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:22 am

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — An Iwanako Campaign

Post by Guest90206 »

Leaty wrote:Words words words Shizune no Misha no words words words.
All I'm hearing here is DIFFERENT GIRL.

Shit, son, in my opinion, if you can make Iwanako, whom we know nigh upon nothing about, work as a character, you can probably work with just about any character.

But that's just me.

And no, I'm not a yuri fanatic; I see this as having legitimate promise for a unique storyline.
But that's not to say I don't enjoy a good yuri-fic... >=_=>
Hanabro to the end.
Leaty
Posts: 515
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 9:18 pm
Location: Exile

Scene Three

Post by Leaty »

(deadfic)
Last edited by Leaty on Sun Mar 13, 2022 11:15 pm, edited 12 times in total.
Leaty
Posts: 515
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 9:18 pm
Location: Exile

Scene Four

Post by Leaty »

(deadfic)
Last edited by Leaty on Sun Mar 13, 2022 11:15 pm, edited 11 times in total.
Leaty
Posts: 515
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 9:18 pm
Location: Exile

Author's Notes

Post by Leaty »

Author's Notes were here. I'm getting rid of them for now.
Last edited by Leaty on Sun Mar 31, 2013 4:18 am, edited 2 times in total.
crushinator
Posts: 34
Joined: Tue May 01, 2012 7:11 pm

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by crushinator »

I like it. A part of me hopes it will be a Yuri storyline.

I don't have any literary criticisms to contribute unfortunately. I do however look forward to the next instalment.
Leaty
Posts: 515
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 9:18 pm
Location: Exile

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by Leaty »

It will be a yuri storyline. Try as I might, I can't bring myself to write an Iwanako/Kenji story.

I'm starting to realize I'm not very good at ending scenes. This is the second time I've had to go back and tack on more to a chapter to make it feel more "complete." I think I'm just too eager to put my stuff up. Anyway, Chapter Four should now feel much less abrupt. I wanted to dwell on the birth control thing a little more.
User avatar
griffon8
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by griffon8 »

It's a perfectly good place to pause the story. The scene is about to change, so that works.

Heck, check out how short the chapters are to my stories. I had some comments that they were too short, but the breaks were at points that I felt were natural pauses in the story.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing
User avatar
atw_ah
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun May 06, 2012 7:37 pm
Location: California, USA

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by atw_ah »

I would say that the original ending of chapter four was good enough as it was. It ended the chapter with a bit of comedy. But considering how you are writing your Iwanako, I think that the extension was the better solution. Your Iwanako is still in the transitional stages of being in Yamaku so ending with something funny wouldn't have fit with the tone of the other chapters. Your extension reveals more of her current state of mind by how she warps the situation into a cold and hopeless realization of her future.

Also, since you have said that you're going to make this into a yuri storyline, the extended ending is a good starting point for Iwanako's change in sexuality. I think it's better that she realizes that a relationship with a man would be hampered by the fact that having a child is out of the question instead of her one day going "Oh look, this girl is a lesbian. She seems moderately attractive. Why don't I be lesbian too?"

I just realized, how would a Iwanako/Kenji storyline even start without Hisao being in Yamaku in the first place?

Either way, excellent piece of fiction you've made for yourself. I can't wait to see how your Iwanako interacts with the cast.
KS: Bloodline The story of Yaso Atoza, 24 years after the events in KS.
Nomad: A Hanako Tale Hanako's search for her own personal paradise, ten years after KS.

Around The World, Always Honorable

My pastebin
User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6212
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

atw_ah wrote: I just realized, how would a Iwanako/Kenji storyline even start without Hisao being in Yamaku in the first place?
Easy: You just have to make up the situation where they are meeting instead of copying it from the VN.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
Leaty
Posts: 515
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 9:18 pm
Location: Exile

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by Leaty »

(deadfic)
Last edited by Leaty on Sun Mar 13, 2022 11:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
nemz
Posts: 531
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:39 am

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by nemz »

I continue to hope you'll be mostly fleshing out the oft-ignored parts of the student body. Here's hoping you hook her up with somebody nobody has used yet, maybe even an OC from one of the other classes, such as the mysterious 3-1.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly
User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6212
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Natsume and Naomi are not canonically lesbian.
There is one fic where Naomi is paired up with Hanako, while Natsume is explicitly straight.
There is another recent fic about Miki and Suzu where Natsume and Naomi are referred to as a couple.
There might be one or two more fics I am forgetting at the moment, but there's nothing in the source material that would suggest that.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
User avatar
griffon8
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by griffon8 »

Leaty wrote:Frankly, I'm surprised nobody got angry about Iwanako's hairstyle change. The idea behind it was to ensure that she look as different from Hanako as possible, as she would otherwise look fairly similar. I wanted her to look distinct in a yearbook photo, and my opinion is that what we see of her in game isn't quite up to par, so I came up with a bunch of fruity contrivances to give her a unique appearance. Aesthetics are important to me, even though this is a purely text-based exercise, but I thought this would piss off some purist somewhere. I remember reading some terrible Daria fic a long time ago where a magical gypsy or something cast a spell on her and she permanently because some chesty blue-haired dream girl.
I'm surprised you considered it an issue. I thought it was very well done. I didn't see it as a way to keep her different from Hanako, I just thought it was a great way to give Iwanako a problem and a way of dealing with it.

As for doing that to Daria, well 'terrible' and 'magical gypsy or something cast a spell on her' are redundant. :lol:

Changing the genre of a story for a fanfic can be done well, but it usually isn't.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing
Beoran
Posts: 440
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:40 am
Contact:

Re: Mean Time to Breakdown — (Iwanako) (u. 6/3/2012)

Post by Beoran »

Yeah, I liked the hair color change too, one that would be quite shocking for her Japanese mother. It mean's she looks like a "Yankee" (a delinquent, rebellious youth). In Japanese context, it would be her way to say "screw it all, I don't care anymore." Also, this makes her close in her ideas to Misha... I can only say WAHAHA~to that. :)
Kind Regards, B.
Feeling like your heart is broken? Need to get it off your chest? Tell your story here.
Take a look at Eruta my jRPG under development. New web site since december 2012.
Play Ature, my free and open source indie Atari 2600 action adventure game.
All great love is above pity: for it wants - to create what is loved! -- F. Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
Post Reply