Typos found

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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: Typos found

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Tue Aug 28, 2012 4:44 am

inquisitivenegro wrote:I thought typos = mistakes while typing, not grammatical/punctuation errors O.o
Typo is short for "typographical error", which does indeed refer to mistakes when typing/scribing, however for the sake of ease it is common to simply lump incorrect grammar and punctuation in with typos.
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Re: Typos found

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Aug 28, 2012 11:22 am

Something I've come across while translating:

[Grammar] - Emi III - Up, Down and Up Again
"Neither of us, however, are prepared for this sudden new sensation."
Should be "is prepared"
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Re: Ask!

Post by A Forum Member » Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:38 am

I stumbled upon this minor missing line break error in "Text history". Dosn't hurt to throw it up here in the unlikely case that anyone would care.

Image

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Mon Feb 11, 2013 3:15 am

First off, I saw this in The Rule: "Typo reports and minor observations (even huge collections of them) should be kept to the main thread." but I couldn't find any "main thread," and this seemed like the best place I could find. If this belongs elsewhere, just tell me.

I've only played through Emi's and Hanako's ark so far, so I only have errors for those. And if I tried to put everything I've seen in one post, it would be be longer than all of the posts on the previous page combined, so this is all from Act 1:


In the scene where you first meet Hanako: “After a while I realize that she’s doing the same, and only pretending to immerse in “Life of Pi.” This could be either “to be immersed in” or “to immerse herself in,” but currently, it’s wrong. Also, I raise an eyebrow at the comma. It looks like this section is a compound verb (doing and pretending) with a single subject (she), in which case, it shouldn’t have a comma (only if there were two respective subjects or if this was some kind of subjunctive clause would it take a comma.)

During your first visit to the Nurse: “Any kind of concussion might be very dangerous to your heart and risking another attack is not a good idea.” This is the opposite of the previous sentence, a compound verb (might be and is) with separate subjects (concussion and risking), so there should be a comma after “heart.”

When Kenji first divulges the vast feminist conspiracy: “I tried to warn you man, but did you listen…” This is subtle, but he’s asking a question (a rhetorical one, but still a question), and thus I think it ought to be “listen…?

During your first rooftop lunch with Emi and Rin: “She tosses me one that appears to be cranberry juice, one to Rin that appears to be some kind of strawberry milk (complete with pink color scheme), and keeps a (equally pink) box of some kind of fruit punch for herself.” Focus in on “a (equally pink) box.” Long story short, that should be “an,” not “a.” I know the concept of a parenthetical is that you can drop it in without affecting the remainder of the sentence, but that conflicts with the concept of an, which is used purely for ease of pronunciation, and depends solely on the next sound out of your mouth. That rule rules, so it should be “an (equally pink) box.”

After having lunch with Lilly and Hanako for the first time: “And with that, we part ways; Lilly entering her classroom and leaving Hanako and I to make off to our own.” This is the first of many "[name] and I" instances. It’s a mistake that people make all the time, but it’s still wrong. If you put it in intentionally as characterization, because you thought it made sound like a typical high school student or whatever, then I’m not objecting to it. But, it you did it unintentionally, and you want Hisao to have perfect grammar, then this should be “Hanako and me” because it’s the object of the sentence.

When you first meet Emi at the track: “How could I forget such a er, blunt introduction?” I’m unsure on this one. In theory, before “er” it should be “an,” but… would anyone actually say that? To say an, you have to intend to say a vowel sound next, and who would intend to say “er”? I can’t find any guidance on this issue anywhere, either, so just use your judgement.

This is the morning before the festival: “The students roll into class for the Saturday morning session, each and every one of them sporting the tired eyes of people that have worked through the night.” Again, a mistake that people make all the time, so if this was intentional, forget I said anything. “That” is only used for inanimate objects, when talking about humans, use “who.” So, “people who have worked through the night.”

A few minutes later: “I suppose there are still students out there that realize the importance of learning…” Same problem, “students out there who realize.” And he’s a teacher, so he really ought to know that.

When your helping Emi find paint: “But Emi herself seems to have forgotten all about it already. Quick to anger, quick to forgive… she is that type of person?” It’s a question, so it should be “is she that type of person?”

At the beginning of the festival: “People zip by, left and right, hurrying as quick as they can; busy and energetic.” “Quick” here is an adverb, and should thus be “quickly.” Also, depending on what you meant, “busy and energetic” could be “busily and energetically” if it’s meant to modify hurrying; “busy and energetic” if it’s meant to modify people.
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:11 am

I meant to post this yesterday, but I got all wrapped up in finishing Rin's line.

In Emi's line:

In Act 3, when Hisao is discussing his problems with Emi to Yuuko: "She shrugs in response, says no, and when I ask why not she says that she doesn't think that far ahead." There should be a comma after the not: "when I ask why not, she says..." In general, a when clause before the clause it's modifying takes a comma; if it's after the clause it's modifying, it doesn't.


In Hanako's Line:

During the tea party, "I'm no plastic surgeon, I can't really help her appearance. Nor am I a psychologist that can make her more sociable." Like in the previous post, it should be "who," not "that." "Nor am I a psychologist who can make her more sociable."

In the library, just before Hanako tells you about the fire: "If there's one thing I know about librarians, part-time or otherwise, it's that they appreciate people that take a genuine interest in their work." Same thing: "they appreciate people who take a genuine interest in their work."

In the Shanghai, after Lilly gets called on the phone and leaves: "It may be all well and good to leave Hanako and I alone to have some time together, but all it typically means is the two of us sitting near each other in silence for a while." Like I said in the previous post it should be "Hanako and me," but everyone says it that way, so if you were doing that to make it sound natural... etc., etc.

When Lilly is about to announce her trip to Scotland: "You said you had some bad news... what's the matter? Do they concern Hanako?" This is a tricky one. "Some can be either plural or singular, depending on context, namely the noun it modifies. "News," in this case, which, though it ends with an s, is uncountable and takes singular verbs. Thus, "Does it concern Hanako?" Except... I hesitate a little. I know that in British English things are considered plural that are singular in American English (like companies). I've never heard of "some" being plural in British English, but it wouldn't honestly shock me. And, I can tell that the writer of Hanako's line is British (or Canadian, or Australian, or South African, or Indian) because he/she uses "marks" to mean "grades" twice. So, if this is a British English grammar rule I've never heard of, never mind.

From the time you talk to Miki in class: "Miki is one of those that seem to have some trouble." Again, "one of those who seem"

In class, the morning after *ahem* that scene: "I feel like the gulf between Hanako and I is because of me." Same thing: "Hanako and me."

Later that scene: "They must have noticed Hanako and I coming in together earlier." Same song, third verse: "Hanako and me."

Still in the same scene: "It feels like there's a complete emotional disconnect between Hanako and I." One last time: "Hanako and me." :wink:
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Thu Feb 14, 2013 5:51 am

First, one little thing from the Kenji Ending: "...this isn't good. Though my alcohol-addled brain doesn't seem to be quite able of registering why." The T in "this" should be capalized, since it's the start of a sentence (despite the ellipsis), so: "...This isn't good." Also, "able of" is not idiomatic English. It should be either "able to register why." or "capable of registering why." There's no reason for this rule, it could be able of and capable to, but it's not.


All of these are from Act 1, but after it's been decided that you're going down Rin's path (or, for the first one, after it's been decided that you're not going down the Shizune, Hanako, or Lilly paths, but before the "Go for it"/"Take it easy" decision).

When you're talking to Rin in front of the wall on the afternoon of the first day you run with Emi: "She is staring at me again, or maybe over my shoulder. I can't quite figure out where her eyes are focused on." There should be no "on" at the end. "Where" takes no preposition. Ever.

During the festival, when Hisao is sitting by the wall: "The dorms are far from the main attractions in the main building and the stands around the courtyard so most visitors have not found their way here yet." There should be a comma after "courtyard" because it's a compound sentence with two subjects and two verbs, much like the sentence in my first post, but with an "or" instead of an "and."

Same scene, right before the, uh... joke. Ahem: "Hisao, you might not want to hear this or maybe you do, I don't know, but it doesn't matter and even if it would, you are not leaving me any choice." "It would" jumps out at me there. What I took that clause to mean is: "It doesn't matter and even if it did matter." I can't see what else the "it" in "it would" is referring to other than the first "it," the it that doesn't matter. If that's the case, then it should be "and even if it did, you are not leaving me any choice."

During the fireworks: "Her mouth is slightly open and her eyes are peacefully closed. A sleeping child-like face of the innocent." It should be "A sleeping, child-like face of the innocent." (with a comma after sleeping) The rule is to always put a comma between co-ordinate adjectives modifying the same noun. Co-ordinate adjectives are adjectives that can have their order swapped without changing the meaning. This is different from when one adjective modifies the other, like "a very child-like face." Very modifies child-like, which modifies face.

Same scene: "My mock protest fails to draw any reaction as Rin's attention draws upwards, to the flashes of the fireworks." It should be: "Rin's attention is drawn upwards." A protest draws a reaction, but a reaction is drawn. Fireworks draw attention, attention is drawn. This is the difference between the active tense (subject, verb, object) and the passive tense (what was the object and is now the subject, verb, and then sometimes a prepositional phrase containing what was the subject).
Last edited by Silentcook on Mon Jun 10, 2013 1:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Bookmarking corrections.
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Sat Feb 16, 2013 5:57 am

This is all Rin, Acts 2 and 3.

On the roof with Rin: "You know, if you were a girl I could see your panties." It's "I would be able to see your" because this is a hypothetical within a hypothetical. "Could" would be used if it was a lone hypothetical, but since there's the if clause first, it's "would be able." This is sort of like the pluperfect tense.

Same scene: "I wonder where it is heading to." For reasons fully addressed in a previous post, there should be no "to."

When Rin is showing Hisao her picture of him: "You do look kind of grim. I mean, I agree; but it's also true otherwise, too. Like this you, not the you I made." There should be a comma after "like" because it's an interjection. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e24kdjdbtw The feeling is most definitely not as strong; so, a comma.

When you're on the roof with Rin and Emi is sick: "What is that you like about the sky so much?" Just a missing "it." "What is it that you like about the sky so much?"

Same scene: "The difficult part is to know where your toes are not pointing at." Like I said in the previous post, There shouldn't be an "at." Where never takes an "at."

When Rin is high on cold medicine: "I mean, looking sad is fine if you are not sad, but you look sad like you actually sad." "Like you actually sad" is, uh, not right. It should be "like you're actually sad." or "like you are actually sad." (which would be parallel to "you are not sad").

On the last day of class before Rin goes to the atelier: "I pull out a novel from my bag and search for the place I was at." "the place I was at." is awkward. Prepositions at the ends of sentences should generally be avoided, though it's not always wrong as some people say. It is awkward here, however, and possibly wrong. Something like "search for the place where I was." or "search for where I was." would be less awkward.

Talking to Emi a day or two after Rin has gone: "I get a strange feeling about it, as though I was talking to two people at the same time." This is subjunctive, and though "was" is increasingly used here, it's still incorrect and should be "as though I were talking to"

During Hisao's second visit to the atelier: "I want to say something, but Rin forbade from doing so." There's a missing "me." "Rin forbade me from doing so."

While Hisao and Rin are smoking: "Well, I suppose it's not "like", that's exactly what we are." You put the comma outside the quote mark. In British English, that's correct, in American, it's wrong. I'm not fully sure which one you're using, so if you're using British, forget I said anything, but if you're using American, tuck that comma inside the quote mark.

During a, um, scene where Hisao comes back to the atelier, and Rin is... doing... something: "Rin doesn't have anything else than her shirt on." It's preferable to use"other than" here, rather that "else than." It's not exactly a hard rule, but it's never wrong to say "other than" here, and it often is kind of wrong to say "else than."

Same scene: "Rin's head rests against my chest, as if she was listening to my heartbeats." I mentioned this before, it should be "as if she were listening."

The next morning: "It's as if she was a completely different person last night." Same thing "as if she were a completely different person."

Same scene: "So you don't want to do that sort of things?" I... think this is just a typo: "that sort of thing?" not "that sort of things?"

That's all I have the energy to do tonight. I'll finish up Rin's path tomorrow.
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Sun Feb 17, 2013 5:06 am

From Rin Act 4:

This is when Nomiya is asking where Rin is. This needs a bit of context, so I'm gonna show the whole exchange minus Hisao's thoughts:

Nomiya: "Do you know where Tezuka is?"
Hisao: "I have no idea."
Hisao: "You have probably asked from her homeroom next door."

This last sentence kinda confuses me. I think what he trying to say is essentially: "You have already gone to Rin's homeroom (which is next door) and asked whether she was there, right?" Maybe I'm misreading it, and Hisao is saying something different, but if that's what he's trying to say, then this sentence seems to be missing a word or something. A few possible alternate sentences that come to mind are: "You have probably asked for her in her homeroom next door." or "You have probably looked in her homeroom next door." or just "You have probably asked in her homeroom next door."


After Nomiya reams her out: "It's as if... you and me being close to each other just hurts us both, but we still deliberately keep doing it" It's "you and I."

Later in the same scene, when Rin is crying: "What should I say to Rin? How to make her feel better?" The last sentence... isn't quite right. It could be "How should I make her feel better?" or "How can I make her feel better?" or "How do I make her feel better?" or a number of other things, depending on what you mean. But "How to make her feel better?" isn't, I'm afraid, proper English.

When Rin comes in from the rain: "Do you want dry clothes? Is an uniform fine?" It's "a uniform" not "an uniform" because it's pronounced yu-niform not oo-niform.

Next are a few problems with the text history, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to post the screenshots I took here. Sorry for the size:
Picture 212.png
Picture 212.png (173.89 KiB) Viewed 3599 times
You can see here, in Hisao's mental monologue, that every time a new sentence is added, every sentence is repeated (it goes on for the whole thing, but I'll just show the screenshot of the beginning so you can get the the idea). Also, There are no spaces between the sentences ("best.The" "future?That" etc.)
Picture 217.png
Picture 217.png (435.86 KiB) Viewed 3599 times
The line "Alive." is never shown in the text history. (It should come directly after "That way... you can confirm that you are, in fact...") All these problems are probably due to these sentences being rendered differently than usual, for dramatic effect.

In the field, during the final scene: "Yet Rin stays on her rock, peering at the distant horizon where the rainclouds are drifting further away from us." Ahem, (adjusts glasses) I will now discuss the difference between "further" and "farther." Further is preferred when speaking of metaphorical distances ("Further into a book" "Further in his studies" You used it a number of times through Katawa Shoujo, quite correctly). Farther is preferred when speaking of literal distances in space ("Hisao is farther away from home than he has ever been.") Thus, in this case, it should be "the rainclouds are drifting farther away from us." Now, people tend to be very lax about this subtle distinction these days, but in careful English, the words are still slightly different. Also, (and this surprised me) "rainclouds" is apparently not a word. :o I had no idea until I typed in this sentence for the further/farther thing, and it was red underlined. I proceeded to check several dictionaries; one of them mentioned it as an alternate, but not preferred form (and not even mentioned in the main entry), and the others did not mention it at all (although there is a song named "Rainclouds"). So it should be "where the rain clouds are drifting farther away from us."

Phew, that's it for Rin's path. Next time, Lilly.
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Mon Feb 18, 2013 6:09 am

Ah... Lilly's path. Let's get a start on it, eh? The first couple are in Act I, but after it's been determined that you're going on Lilly's path.

At the Shanghai: "Akira, do you have to..." This is the same as a sentence from my first post. It's a question, so it needs a question mark (even with the elipsis). "Akira, do you have to...?"

At the end of the festival: "With both Lilly and I around, much of Hanako's withdrawn nature around others died down enough for her to enjoy herself." "Lilly and I" is the object of a preposition, so "With both Lilly and me around."


Now on to Act 2:

At Hanako's birthday party: "Not that many people give her ["her" refers to Hanako] positive attention, I suppose. It make me respect how well Akira can handle her, making her so happy, compared to what little I could do." Okay, this is super nit picky, but "nit picky" and "copy editor" are kind of synonymous, so here goes. Shouldn't it be "compared to what little I can do."? "Could" is inherently hypothetical, but I don't see how this is hypothetical. Hanako is right in front of him, and they talk every day, so it seems like he can't make her happy. If he'd, like, scared her off, and she never lets him talk to her (like, say, in some of the other time lines), then a hypothetical would seem totally appropriate. Or... he is saying that Akira is closer to Hanako, and there's an implied "if I were in Akira's shoes" at the end of the sentence? If that's the case... yeah, "could" would make sense. Hmm. I'm considering deleting this whole paragraph now... but just in case you did mean "can," I'll leave it.

Same scene: "Rich words for someone practically drooling as they examine a bottle." Akira, here, is talking to Hisao. So it's "Rich words for someone practically drooling as he examines a bottle." Unless Akira is implying that Hisao has a split personality (which would be pretty interesting, actually), he shouldn't take a plural pronoun.

As Hisao is leaving Lilly's room the morning after: "And with that, she disappears behind the door and gently closes it, the muffled voices of she and Hanako audible through it much as they were yesterday night." Object of a preposition, so "the muffled voices of her and Hanako."

At the convenience store: "She gives a short sigh of consternation as I move up, getting the groceries for Hanako and I put in separate bags." Object of a preposition, so "the groceries for Hanako and me."

Walking back from the convenience store: "In the end, she just has Hanako and I, and Akira when she's off from work." Object of the sentence, so: "she just has Hanako and me."

As they're arriving at Yamaku after the walk back from the convenience store: "Indeed, it feels like we've become closer in the past few weeks since I first got to know both she and Hanako." Object of the sentence, so: "since I first got to know both her and Hanako."

When Hisao receives Iwanako's letter: "The lettering is in pink, jarring badly with the yellow sunflower border or the card." I do believe this is a genuine, honest-to-goodness typo. As in, a mishit key. It should say "the yellow sunflower border on the card." but there's an "r" instead of an "n," making it "or" instead of "on."

All right, I'll have to leave the rest of Lilly to be continued (I'm going to need two or three more posts anyway).
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:12 am

Here comes more Lilly.

When everyone does terribly at a test: "We'll be discussing the class' test scores next lesson." Now, in American English, "class" is singular and should be "class's." In British, I suppose it would be plural and "class'." However, that's kind of complicated, because a plural possessive is "s' " because "boys' " is a lot easier to say than "boys's," but for irregular nouns, you do add " 's," like "oxen's." I don't think I've ever seen an irregular plural that ends in "s", however it is "geese's" and "mice's," not "geese' " and "mice' " and they both end in the "s" sound. I'd lean pretty heavily toward "class's." However, the main thing is how you pronounce it. You say "oxenz" and "geesuz," but not "boyzuz." So do you say it "class" or "classuz?"

Talking to Hanako after the class: "'Afternoon. Been busy?" It's not very clear the way it's typed like that, but it's "[apostrophe]Afternoon." When I read that, the apostrophe struck me as a little bit eccentric, as I'd only ever seen apostrophes used in contractions where part of a word is elided, not a whole word ("good," in this case). I wasn't sure, however, so I looked it up in my trusty Chicago Manual of Style, and it didn't mention deletions of entire words in the contractions section. It just said "Apostrophes are used to replace parts of words that have been deleted... etc., etc." and I think it would have mentioned whole word elisions if they took apostrophes, so I think it should just be "Afternoon." I'm going to keep looking into it and see if I find any other word on this. Also, Hisao says "'Afternoon" and "'Morning" several times in Lilly's route. I think I saw them all, and I'll catalogue all the ones I did see, but I might have missed one or two.

A little later, when Hisao is on the roof with Lilly: "Her shoulder slump a bit after finishing one final fold, her work apparently done." It should be "Her shoulders slump." Or, I suppose, "Her shoulder slumps" if she's being lop-sided, but either way, you've got to add an "s" somewhere.

At the airport: "We'd better start off then. Check-in would be ready by now." The "would" here seems... inappropriate. It's not a hypothetical. It seems like it should be "Check-in should be ready by now." Or, is this a Britishism? It sounds kind kind of archaic, like "They mean to win Wimbledon," so I suppose it could be that.

Same scene: "Lilly takes a hold of her sister's arm once all that needs to said in farewells is said, the two walking past the huge glass doors." It should be "Lilly takes ahold of her sister's arm." "A hold" means something completely different, like a foothold or a handhold in rock climbing. All the "a-" words ("Awash in money," "Abashed," "Abuzz," "Alight") are closed, like "Bedew" not "Be dew" (which sound like a Mountain Dew slogan) or "Beclown" not "Be clown" (Which sound like a Cirque du Soleil slogan).

I'm afraid that's all I can do tonight. I'd like to do a longer post, but those first two were much more research intensive than usual; I spent about forty-five minutes on just the two of them. And I also typed up another sentence before I decided that it was really more a matter of style than of "right and wrong." I'll try to do a longer post tomorrow.
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:23 am

All right. I don't have a ton of time, but I want to post a few to keep in the habit. It's still Lilly.

When you're outside Hanako's room while Lilly is in Scotland, if you ask the student who passes by, you get this sentence (but I don't think you get if you pick the opposite): "She gives a shrug before walking down the hallway, having much more important matters to attend to than Hanako or I." It's "Hanako or me." (Skip to the next paragraph now if you have no interest in the philosophical "why" of this sentence. You've been warned) I originally just wrote the preceding categorical and moved on to the next sentence, but as I was rereading this, I wondered what exact part of speech "Hanako and I/me" is. Stripping down the sentence to its bones, it's essentially: "She has more important matters than Hanako and I/me" So, the most important thing is what way "than" attaches "Hanako and I/me" to the rest of the sentence. As it turns out, debate rages over this. Most people think it's a standard conjunction (like "and") and thus it depends on context whether or not it is "I" or "me." A vocal minority insist that "that" is a preposition, in which case it's definitely "me." However, it's "me" either way, since "than" is clearly connecting "Hanako and I/me" with "matters," the object of the sentence, making it a triply compound object (matters and Hanako and me). If, however, the sentence meant "Both she and Hanako and I have important matters, and she has more of them than Hanako and I do," then "I" would be correct. Indeed, if not for the fact that this meaning would require "many more" rather than "much more," this sentence would have to mean that. *Phew* There, wasn't that fun? Now you're playing with grammar with power!

This is in a mental dialogue after Hanako's birthday that's basically saying several days later: "The Lilly-shaped hole in the daily life of Hanako and I has been pretty noticeable for a while now." Object of a preposition, so "Hanako and me."

At the train station: "There'd be clothes you could use there. Akira still occasionally goes there, after all, and I think some of our parents' clothing is still in storage." "There would be clothes" means that hypothetical clothes would exist, if some other condition (that has not been fulfilled) were fulfilled. That doesn't seem to make sense. She's talking about clothes that exist in reality. Hisao using them is hypothetical (so the "could" is totally appropriate), but the clothes existence doesn't seem to be. It could be "There should be clothes" or "There will be clothes" or even "There are clothes." (Or, did you mean "there'd" to be a contraction of "There should," not "There would"? If so, I'm afraid "There'd" can only be a contraction of "There would" or "There had." This is precisely because of sentences like this; whether it's "would" or "had" is always obvious in context, for one thing, "had" takes "been" not "be," but the difference between "would" and "should" is far too subtle to allow them to have the same contraction.)

On the train: "While the two continue their less than clandestine strategizing, a small boy looks over the seat and stares at me." This is... a subtle one. It took me several minutes just now to remember why I flagged this sentence when I was playing. "less than clandestine" is a before-the-noun compound modifier (also called a phrasal adjective). I prefer to call it the former, in part because "before-the-noun" is itself a before-the-noun compound modifier. Anyway, these phrases are hyphenated because they modify the noun as a unit, rather than each separately. See the examples here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compound_modifier#Examples for more vivid reasons why. Ahem, but long story short, it should be "their less-than-clandestine strategizing."

When they get to the house/cottage in Hokkaido: "It really drives home how far we are from the major cities, and is a sight that feels antithetical to the environment I grew up in." No comma. I addressed this in the first post, I think. It's because the verbs in both clauses ("drives" and "is") have the same subject ("It").

When Lilly cuts her finger: "Lilly jerks back in surprise before turning around, her yelp immediately drawing Hanako and I to her side." Object of the sentence, so: "Hanako and me."

Wow, I spent way too much time on that first sentence. I'll finish Lilly's route some day...
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

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RichieBerry
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Re: Typos found

Post by RichieBerry » Tue Feb 26, 2013 5:45 am

Urg. I typed up this post, pressed preview, and got booted to the sign-in screen. I had to retype the whole thing, and I don't think I phrased it quite as clearly in a few places, but I just can't remember how it was different the first time.

Anyway, we're still in Lilly's route, at the house in Hokkaido.

After they have lunch, before they try to walk into town: "Lilly pats her mouth with a napkin. Twice, only twice, and with evenly timed intervals inbetween. First off, I'm afraid inbetween is not a word, it's "with evenly timed intervals in between." There are no other grammar problems with this sentence, but there is an issue of logic. If she pats her mouth twice (and only twice), there would be only one interval in between. And one interval cannot be evenly timed. I can see in my mind what you're saying, the two rhythmic pats, but I can't think of a way to phrase it.

Same scene: "Ah, you weren't privy to the discussion between Hanako and I earlier." Object of a preposition, so "Hanako and me."

When they're walking into town, just before Hisao has a heart attack: "My family's real house is quite far south. When they left Japan, my parents gave it to Akira and I." Object of a preposition, so "Akira and me."

When Hisao and Lilly are having a BIG hug: "After having been left in Japan without her family, and with only Akira, Hanako and I around, she was afraid of losing yet another person who was close to her." Object of a preposition, so "Akira, Hanako and me."

The morning after, during breakfast: "After weeks of blissful friendship, whiling away the days with shared meals and chatter with little meaning, the relationship of Lilly and I, no, that of all of us, has irreversibly changed." Object of a preposition, so "Lilly and me." One hint for this is that the next clause has exactly the same structure, and it's "us," an object pronoun like "me," not "we," a subject pronoun like "I."

Same scene: "Hisao, do you mind if me and Lilly go outside for a bit?" This is the opposite of the previous sentences, "Hisao, do you mind if Lilly and I go outside for a bit?" Here's the thing about "[Name] and I"/"[Name] and me." Would you say "Do you mind if I go outside?" or "Do you mind if me go outside?" Adding another name changes nothing about the sentence grammatically, it just makes it harder to see which is right. The easiest way to tell which pronoun to use is to strip out the other name for a moment and see if the sentence sounds silly. Also, it's "Lilly and I," not "I and Lilly" (or "me and Lilly.") This isn't a grammatical issue, it's just customary. It's polite to put the other person, or people, before a pronoun referring to yourself.

They're back at Yamaku, having a tea party in Lilly's room: "Most of the night continues much the same, with Hanako eventually leaving the Satou sisters and I to ourselves as she heads back to her dorm room for a rest." Object of the sentence, so "the Satou sisters and me."

Same scene: "With Lilly and I on one side of the low table and Akira at the other, this almost feels like a judge passing down a verdict." Object of a preposition, so "Lilly and me." Also, you have Lilly and Hisao on one side of the table and Akira at the other. Both "on" and "at" are perfectly correct, but the construction should be parallel (that is, they should both be the same). I'd personally go with "on," but I don't really know why, it's purely a matter of personal preference, you could pick whichever one you think sounds better, so long as it's the same one for both.

When Hisao is walking to the nurse's office (and he's going to say "Um, I kind of had a heart attack, but I'm totally cool now, don't worry."): "Maybe it's because the nurse's office is akin to a confessional, an admission that my body is flawed. The knowledge that such a fact is kept entirely confidential between the nurse and I hardly lessens the feeling." Object of a preposition, so "the nurse and me."

That's it for tonight. Next time there will be some sentences that aren't about the difference between I and me.
"Why do you make that noise? Are you mad? Well, obviously. Good. Your sweater is terrible, and I want you to feel bad about it. The burn tells me it is working."
"I like my sweater."
"I'm sure you like huffing glue, too. That doesn't make it right."

Silentcook
Carelessly Cooking You
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Location: Imola, Italy

Re: Typos found

Post by Silentcook » Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:03 am

Took care of the stuff you people pointed out. Thank you. You guys rock. :)
Shattering your dreams since '94.

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