Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Ozymil
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by Ozymil » Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:34 am

LAWD HAVE MERCY
Donnes-moi le chocolat, Hisao! Gib mir die Schokolade, Hisao! Dame el chocolate, Hisao! Dammi il cioccolato, Hisao! Ge mig choklad, Hisao! Giv mig chokolade, Hisao! 私にチョコレートを与える, 久夫! Daj mi czekoladę, Hisao! Geef me de chocola, Hisao! (Thanks for the Dutch ver. Leotrak) Bigyan mo ako ng chocolate, Hisao! Geef mij de chocolade, Hisao! Дайте мне шоколад, Хисао! Dá-me o chocolate, Hisao!

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SpunkySix
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by SpunkySix » Thu Dec 25, 2014 8:12 am

FelOnyx wrote:
KeiichiO wrote:
SpunkySix wrote:Is this the real life?
I'd like to believe that it isn't fantasy.
This has caught me in a landslide of awesomeness.
Yeah, I think Miki's gonna give Emi a run for her money, to be honest.

Haha no.

Still, so cool it gives me no escape from reality.
"Spunky at his Spunkyest/Spunkiest"
"Tissues to the extreme!"

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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu Dec 25, 2014 8:40 am

Hmm. Well done.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!

BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!

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651
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by 651 » Thu Dec 25, 2014 8:59 am

Posting in a thread.
I wrote a Fluttershy x Tails once. It was really good, swer.
Then I wrote some KS fiction, and being not as stellar, it at least exists.

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AntonSlavik020
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Thu Dec 25, 2014 12:17 pm

This is possibly the best Christmas present ever. The curse is over!
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune

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ogorhan
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by ogorhan » Thu Dec 25, 2014 12:18 pm

Image

HOOOOOLLY SHEET!!!

Thank you Suriko.
しれー、しれぇー!、しれぇーってばー!ねー!、おーい、きこえてないのー?ぅおーい!

Tokitsukaze y u so cute.

Admiral of the sea and a stout defender of his kanmusu.

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AaronIsCrunchy
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by AaronIsCrunchy » Thu Dec 25, 2014 6:41 pm

You beautiful, beautiful, beautiful beings. Surprise presents are the best, and this is possibly one of the greatest surprises.

Also, I may have 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'd' a bit upon seeing this thread. My dogs are going mental.
Because green eyes are best eyes.
http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=9511 - A thread of my drawings. Don't expect a lot.


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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:10 pm

Oh, wow…
THAT was unexpected. My first thought was that this was more than three months early, but probably your most elaborate April Fool's joke yet - which is saying somehthing.
As I read it I thought of how strange it was to read a KS script without Delta's directions like

Code: Select all

show misha hips_smile
with charachange
in between all the text. (By now I feel like that guy in The Matrix when I read the scripts - I don't need to run the game to know what's happening on screen ^_^ )

A few comments:
Grammar is excellent in general; just a few me/I or her/she mixups. No typos worth mentioning for a story of this length.
mor "It's true. He ended up quitting drama and switching to the track club just to lower his profile."
Who is "mor"?
"As the conversation lulls, a glance aroud the classroom proves we're the last ones here. I wonder when Mutou managed to slip out so quietly."

yuk "You shouldn't talk like that, Miki; people might think you're serious. Especially with you being you."
"Haru's eyes flit to the side for just a second. I just smirk before addressing Yukio."
I think you're missing a timeskip somewhere in between those lines.
She finally gets past the menus and starts running around the fictional school building…
mik "Her. The redhead chick. She's cool."
suz "She's kind of bossy..."
mik "So who's your favourite? Please not the hangdog mopey girl."
…launching some loud group attack on a boss character.
"Loud group attack" caused the coin to drop. :mrgreen: Mitsuru & Fuuka?

Regarding the story, I'm only about halfway through yet, but so far I like what I see very much. I'll write more once I'm done reading.
I know I've always complained about choice points in fanfictions, but for one thing the script- and txt-format make this much more like reading a VN and for another this is how a choice should be used: Not to punish the reader for making the wrong decision but as a means to tell two tales in one.
Thanks Suriko!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Costar58
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by Costar58 » Thu Dec 25, 2014 8:41 pm

So there is a God after all.

Hallelujah and Merry Christmas to you all
メリ-クリスマス!
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Raide
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by Raide » Thu Dec 25, 2014 8:51 pm

I finished reading, here's some broad feedback:
For scenario, Suzu branch is much better. Hisao branch is more like Miki route; Hisao is becomes supporting character to help Miki retread her past, but there isn't much to explore to begin with since she's presented as simple girl. Suzu and other characters become relegated to wallpaper. The pacing is flat and the drama before the ending seem to be shoehorned there just for the sake of having a drama; Miki suddenly facing doubt out of nowhere, and then it's quickly resolved. It feels like Shizune route.

Suzu branch, meanwhile, is like rollercoaster from start to end, close to Rin route. She's hard to figure out for Miki and every interaction with her turns your mind into state of overdrive. Because it's hard for Miki to understand Suzu or to overcome her own fear, there's always reason for conflicts to come. It has more high and low moments and everyone's true characters are exposed, including Yukio and Haru, and characters who don't get that much screentime have strong presence, like Tsubasa and Shizune. Suzu is very interesting due to her paradoxes: she's both fragile and strong; full of doubt but also assertive (which is expressed well in the sex scenes). Suzu and Miki are both sassy and have delightful chemistry, but you can still notice the wall between them.

Common Path makes Miki appears to be laidback, friendly, attentive and sensitive, which makes the overall text interesting to read, but it conflicts with how others and herself describe Miki as violent, stupid delinquent, so there's slight dissonance overall (at least until Suzu_09).

My most favorite scene is the end of the final date in Suzu_11. All the momentum converged at that point--feels like the story can just end right there (or let it stand as "an ending", in case of multiple, or make it Lilly-style fake ending)

831KingHisaoNakai
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by 831KingHisaoNakai » Fri Dec 26, 2014 12:26 am

YES YES YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS OMG FOR 10 MILLIONS YEARS WE WAITED SOOOOOO LOOOOONG MY ANUS IS READY FOR THIS AWSOME GIFT THERE REALLY IS A GOD FUCK YOU MIKI CRUSE YOUR TIME IS UP YESSSSSS

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emmjay
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by emmjay » Fri Dec 26, 2014 1:23 am

*Sees the words "Miki Path" in topic description*
Oh, someone's going to try to break the curse.
*Sees who started the thread*
WAIT, WHAT?
*Downloads story, sees folder named Suzu Branch*
WAIT, WHAT?
Hell of a Christmas present.
Yuuko > Akira > Miki > Meiko > Sae.

Some one-shots I've written (Updated 7/29/2017)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Dec 26, 2014 6:02 am

Okay, just finished the Suzu branch.

It started out just fine, but I think it deteriorated into a bit of unneccessary drama towards the end - and it probably had at least one H-scene that didn't need to be in there, but that's my usual pet peeve.
I liked the part about the family visit. Tsubasa made a strong secondary character, and the conflict with her parents would have made a good story hook - but I guessed that wasn't where you were going when you didn't even give them names…
After they got back to Yamaku you freely handed out idiot balls to make the situation a turn for the absolute worst, culminating in the suicide attempt without even trying to talk about the problem.
The end was… anticlimactic. The story is over less than half a page after learning why Suzu tried to do it in the first place, reinforcing the impression that the problem could have been solved with much less drama with just a few more lines said a bit earlier.
At that the resolution is basically: Suzu "Don't change" and Miki "Okay, I won't" which is not really a rational promise and won't even be possible in the long run, so it feels like the conflict has just been postponed into the future.

So I agree with Raide that the story would probably have been better if it had ended after chapter 11 - maybe with a bit of the dialogue from the last chapter added.

Off to read Hisao branch now.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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brythain
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by brythain » Fri Dec 26, 2014 6:44 am

My headcanon is now that Tsubasa ends up with Hisao; after all, they're only a few years apart. Or in the traditional vein of these forums, with Akira.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

Bagheera
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Re: Summer's Clover (Miki Path)

Post by Bagheera » Fri Dec 26, 2014 9:43 am

What a great Christmas gift! Thanks, Suriko. As you can already tell, it's much appreciated.
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


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