Vision

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Drebom
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Re: Vision

Post by Drebom » Wed Nov 12, 2014 4:55 pm

Zarys wrote:It's Lilly or Hanako route ?
Hanako's, judging by the fact that Hisao woke up in bed with her.

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AntonSlavik020
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Re: Vision

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Wed Nov 12, 2014 6:40 pm

Zarys wrote:It's Lilly or Hanako route ?
Judging by the fact that he woke up naked in Hanako's room, I'd say a Hanako route. Unless Lilly is sharing. :D
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune

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Mohn_Jadden
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Re: Vision

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:02 pm

AntonSlavik020 wrote:
Zarys wrote:It's Lilly or Hanako route ?
Judging by the fact that he woke up naked in Hanako's room, I'd say a Hanako route. Unless Lilly is sharing. :D
Sharing is caaring!~

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d2r
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Re: Vision

Post by d2r » Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:16 pm

Oh, you guys. :lol:
Comrade wrote:infinite options does not mean all options, just like that between every two numbers there are infinite numbers, but not all.

If I see that sentence anywhere I am going to send your head to your mother with a replacment order
If you like a moodier fanfic, why not try mine?

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hyroglyphixs
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Re: Vision

Post by hyroglyphixs » Thu Nov 13, 2014 3:50 am

This is a really cool concept! Loved the first installment and can't wait to see (hehe) Lilly's reaction to normal, everyday things that might potentially surprise her :wink:
"No one knows what the future holds. That's why its potential is infinite" - Okabe Rintarou
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Solistor
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Re: Vision

Post by Solistor » Thu Nov 13, 2014 6:05 am

I'm looking forward to the nurse scene, specifically because it feels like you've done some research and have a mindblowing revelation to share with us. Call it intuition or insanity, I feel like there's a reason for Lilly's newfound ocular capabilities other than mystical space frogs and their cure-all spooge of genetic wonder.

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Munchenhausen
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Re: Vision

Post by Munchenhausen » Thu Nov 13, 2014 6:58 am

hyroglyphixs wrote:This is a really cool concept! Loved the first installment and can't wait to see (hehe) Lilly's reaction to normal, everyday things that might potentially surprise her :wink:
Make her play the Scary Maze Game ;)
Solistor wrote: Call it intuition or insanity, I feel like there's a reason for Lilly's newfound ocular capabilities other than mystical space frogs and their cure-all spooge of genetic wonder.
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Re: Vision

Post by Guestimate » Thu Nov 13, 2014 11:08 pm

Haven't been to these parts in a while. But this is a nice thing to come back too!

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d2r
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Re: Vision

Post by d2r » Fri Nov 21, 2014 8:59 pm

After some delay, I present to you the next chapter. Rest assured I'm still chugging along.

***

Ch. 2 – Examination

The Nurse

At this early hour, Emi’s the only one in the infirmary – mostly because she’s the only person in the school who’s stubborn enough to run even through this cold and snow. I finish inspecting her prosthetics and turn back to her.

“Your legs are fine,” I say, “But that’s just luck. I warned you – it’s not a good idea to run in weather like this.” She waves a hand, dismissing the problem.

“They salt the track,” she says, “So it’s not like there’s any ice to slip on once I really get started. And my legs are waterproof, so it isn’t a big deal if I get a bit of snow on them. You worry too much.”

“It’s not just that,” I insist. “The metal where the prosthetic attaches to your leg gets very cold, and that could give you frostbite…”

I’m cut off as three students barge through the door. I recognize them at once: Lilly Satou (blind) Hisao Nakai (cardiac arrhythmia), and Hanako Ikezawa (burn victim, stutter, social anxiety disorder). Hisao and Hanako are holding Lilly’s arms, and guiding her into the infirmary. “Hey!” Emi puffs indignantly. “Learn to knock!”

I favour the trio with a good-humoured grin and waggle an eyebrow at them. “She has a point,” I chide.

“I’m sorry,” replies Lilly, her voice unusually shaky and nervous. “But I have a…medical emergency. I need to be looked at. Now.”

I look at them more carefully, and my smile disappears. Both Hisao and Hanako look worried, and Lilly seems downright terrified – her eyes are tightly closed, and she’s biting her lip. “What sort of…” I begin, before remembering Emi’s still there. “Emi, your prosthetics are fine. You can go. But we need to continue this discussion later.”

She nods, and quietly leaves, shutting the door behind her after a curious backward glance. I look back at the three of them. Hisao and Hanako are lowering Lilly into a chair. “Do you want to talk about this alone, Ms. Satou?”

“Call me Lilly, please,” she says automatically. “They already know. And I…want them here.”

I nod, then remember she can’t see. Sloppy mistake.

“Okay,” I say instead. “What’s the problem?”

She takes a breath to steady herself. “When I woke up this morning, I could see.”

God damn it.

“Look,” I say, annoyed, “I don’t appreciate you pulling my leg like this. You had me…”

“I’m not lying!” Lilly snaps, cutting me off. Her friends jump at her tone, and so do I. In all the years she’s been here, I’ve never heard her angry, and I’ve never heard of her interrupting someone. She opens her eyes, and I immediately realize something’s not normal. Her eyes are rolling, flicking around the room.

“Your…your…coat?” she says hesitantly. “It’s coloured white. Like the snow outside.”

I suppose she could have guessed that, since it’s hardly a secret that lab coats are white. Still…I look at them again. Hisao and Hanako are standing by silently. Lilly’s shut her eyes again, and she’s pinching the bridge of her nose with a pained expression, slowly rocking back and forth in the chair. I frown and take the small flashlight I use to test for concussions, then walk up to her.

“Open your eyes again,” I say quietly. When she does it, I shine the flashlight into her left eye. I can see the pupil contract in the half-second before she cries out softly and turns her head away, screwing her eyes shut again. I feel suddenly dizzy, and have to put a hand on the table to steady myself.

“My god,” I hear myself saying.

“The light won’t go away,” Lilly whispers. “I can still see it…” Hanako reaches out and takes one of her hands, and Lilly uses the other to rub at her left eye until Hisao reaches up to take it in his own.

“It’s an afterimage,” I explain, shaking off the dizziness. “They fade away after a minute or so…when did this start?”

“I told you: this morning,” she says. “When I woke up. I didn’t know what it was, at first. It’s still so hard, to tell where anything is. What anything is. I can’t focus on where I am, and seeing…it makes my eyes hurt. It’s giving me a headache.”

“Understandable,” I muse. “You’ve never seen anything before. You don’t know how to deal with depth perception yet, so you wouldn’t be able to figure out where things are using your eyes. And the sensory overload would make it hard to focus on touch and hearing until you got used to it. As for the head pains, it could be because your eyes aren’t used to the light, or just because it’s a lot to take in all at once. I suspect they’ll go away eventually. But I can’t say anything for certain.”

“Why not?” interjects Hanako.

“Because,” I sigh, “I’m a nurse, not a brain surgeon or an eye specialist. This is way beyond my skill to deal with. We’ll need to transfer you to the hospital in town for closer examination and…look, Lilly. I’m not going to lie to you. They’re probably going to have to call in specialists from other places in Japan. In fact, I suspect that they’re going to be calling in doctors from all over the world, once this gets out. A blind person suddenly regaining sight without surgery, without even head trauma or something…this is unheard of. They’re going to want to inspect you, and that takes time.”

“I understand,” she says. Her voice is mournful – not that I blame her. They’re going to keep her in that hospital for a month at the bare minimum while they do endless tests, and she still has years of learning how to use her eyes to look forward to. I touch her shoulder and do my best to sound cheerful.

“Look on the bright side,” I try and joke. “At least now you can see my pretty face.”

She smiles faintly, but I notice her gripping her friends’ hands even tighter. I reach for my phone, to call the hospital.
Last edited by d2r on Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:18 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Comrade wrote:infinite options does not mean all options, just like that between every two numbers there are infinite numbers, but not all.

If I see that sentence anywhere I am going to send your head to your mother with a replacment order
If you like a moodier fanfic, why not try mine?

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brythain
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Re: Vision

Post by brythain » Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:06 pm

Thank you for Nurse and yet another chewy morsel of well-written 'what kind of sorcery is this' drama!
But I feel awfully sorry for Lilly, the soon-to-be medical specimen. :(
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Craftyatom
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Re: Vision

Post by Craftyatom » Sat Nov 22, 2014 2:17 am

d2r wrote:I recognize them at once: Lilly Satou (blind) Hisao Nakai (cardiac arrhythmia), and Hanako Ikezawa (burn victim, stutter, social anxiety disorder).
I imagined this playing out like in Watch Dogs, where time slowed down a little and his eyes flicked between them, with little text appearing next to their heads. The fact that it's the first thing that comes to his mind makes sense, it was just sort of funny to think about.

Looks good! Feels kind of bad, I mean, definitely a melancholy overtone which was hinted at in the first part, but I can't blame you for that :P
Main route: COM(promise)
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d2r
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Re: Vision

Post by d2r » Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:36 am

I've updated the OP with a table of contents for easy navigation in the future. Thanks for your support!

I'm still polishing Chapter 3, but I'm away next week, so it will probably be posted in early December.
Comrade wrote:infinite options does not mean all options, just like that between every two numbers there are infinite numbers, but not all.

If I see that sentence anywhere I am going to send your head to your mother with a replacment order
If you like a moodier fanfic, why not try mine?

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d2r
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Re: Vision

Post by d2r » Sat Dec 06, 2014 8:56 pm

After a slight delay, here is Chapter 3. As always, your feedback sustains me and gives me power. ;)

I'll try to get another update out in a couple of weeks; I'll be busy until the middle of next week.

***

Chapter 3 – Limbo

Hanako

The nurse was right. Ever since we arrived at the hospital, Lilly’s been in and out of room after room. Doctors have been streaming in for hours, and by tomorrow evening, they’ll have poured in from all over Japan – Kagoshima to Nemuro. I spend as much time as I can with Lilly, holding her hand and helping her get through the endless batteries of tests, but more often than not I have to wait outside her room, pacing the halls because if I went to the waiting room with the other families, I’d have to deal with the inevitable eyes, the whispering, even here. I don’t know if I can handle that.

I pull my bangs down over the right side of my face as an orderly walks by, but he doesn’t spare me a second glance.

Akira’s on her way. She’d been in a conference in Tokyo, but as soon as she heard what had happened, she walked right out of the meeting and started driving over. She should be here in a little over an hour, by now. But right now, it’s just me – Hisao wanted to come too, but they only allow one friend or family member for support, and…well, Lilly and I have known one another longer than he has.

Someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn around. It’s one of the doctors.

“This test may take a while,” he says, “and…well, you’re in the way, standing out here. Could you go to the waiting room, please?”

“I-I-I,” I begin, before stopping myself. I’ve spent too long trying to get rid of my stutter to fall back into it again. “I need to make a phone call,” I say, slowly and precisely. “A private one. Where can I do that?”

“There’s a smoking area outside the waiting room. It should have cellphone reception, and it’s far enough away that the signal won’t interfere with our equipment. Now, if you please…”

I nod and scurry away.

***

The smoking area is thankfully devoid of actual smokers for the time being, though the stench of stale cigarettes still hangs in the cold evening air. I pull out my cellphone and call Akira, but there’s no response. Maybe she’s on the highway and can’t take it right now. After a moment, I decide to dial Hisao’s number instead.

He picks up on the second ring. “How’s Lilly?” he asks, after we exchange perfunctory greetings.

“She’s fine, I think. Just tired, and irritable. I think it’s because she knows she’s going to be here for a while.”

There’s silence over the phone for a few seconds, only the hiss of static telling me he’s still on the line.

“I know what that’s like,” he finally says. “Long, empty months, cut off from the world you know. I remember.”

“So do I,” I murmur back, with a shiver that isn’t from the cold. I don’t like to think about the burn ward.

“And so will Lilly, now, I suppose,” he replies disconsolately. “It’s kind of ironic that they treat you the same way for a recovery as for a…wound.”

A recovery, I muse. But Lilly was blind all her life. I’d always wondered what it would be like if she could suddenly see again – a prospect I’d always viewed with fear. I remember having a nightmare where her eyes healed, and she looked at me and shuddered at my ugliness. I’d woken in a cold sweat, and the dream kept me up for days. I guess it never occurred to me that the nightmare wouldn’t be mine. It would be hers…

“I…I don’t know what to say to her,” I confess. “How do you console someone not for what they’ve lost, but what they’ve found?”

“The same as always, I guess. By being there for them.” He punctuates the sentence with a sigh, but after another moment, I hear him chuckle. “It’s funny, you know.”

“What is?” I frown as I notice someone enter the smoking area, but he’s too busy lighting a cigarette to notice me. I move as far away from him as I can and suppress the urge to cough.

“It’s just…I never told you this, but back on your birthday, when you locked yourself in your room. I didn’t know what to do, so I…” He stops for several seconds, as though unsure if he wants to say what comes next.

“You what?” I prompt.

“I called Lilly. She was in Scotland, remember? I wanted to ask her advice, because…well, I was worried about you.”

I look up at the sky. It’s clear, and the stars are out, but the acrid fumes from the man’s cigarette spoil the picture. “W-what did she say?” I ask, the stutter unconsciously creeping back into my voice.

“To leave you alone, and that you’d recover on your own time. You did, and…well…the rest is history.”

I feel an unreasonable urge to be angry at Hisao for having gone behind my back, but that’s nonsense. He did it because he cared. Lilly was right, though: I’d needed to be left alone. If he’d kept coming to my door back then…I was so brittle, the pressure might have made something inside me snap. I’d have twisted the knowledge he’d cared enough about me to ask Lilly for help into hatred, into smothering, suffocating…

No. That’s behind me, now. I’ve grown since then.

“So yeah, it’s funny,” he continues. “I called her because I didn’t know how to help you, and now you’re calling me…”

“Because I don’t know how to help her,” I finish for him. “And I still don’t. I can’t just leave her alone.”

“I didn’t say you should. It’s going to be hard for her. Just stay in contact. We both know how lonely it can get.”

“Okay,” I say. The cigarette fumes choose that moment to enter my nostrils, and this time I can’t help but cough. The smoker turns to glare at me before staring at my face. I look away and pull up the collar of my coat.

“I’m going to go back and check on her again. Anyway, Akira will be here soon, so once she is, I’ll come back to Yamaku to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, Hisao.”

“All right,” he says. “Good night. I love you.”

I smile. Even now, after all these months, hearing him say that still makes my heart leap with joy.

“I love you too,” I say, then I click the phone shut and go back inside.
Comrade wrote:infinite options does not mean all options, just like that between every two numbers there are infinite numbers, but not all.

If I see that sentence anywhere I am going to send your head to your mother with a replacment order
If you like a moodier fanfic, why not try mine?

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brythain
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Re: Vision

Post by brythain » Sat Dec 06, 2014 8:59 pm

Awww. I feel teased, but in a nice way. I felt it was too short! Here, have some powerful feedback: characterisation great, plot-hook strong, development fluent, 11/10 would continue reading. :)
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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d2r
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Re: Vision

Post by d2r » Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:01 pm

brythain wrote:Awww. I feel teased, but in a nice way. I felt it was too short! Here, have some powerful feedback: characterisation great, plot-hook strong, development fluent, 11/10 would continue reading. :)
Hey, tease them and they'll always be back for more. :P

Admittedly this is a bit short, but it's intended more as an interlude before the following chapter (which is much longer, although I'm still editing and revising it), as well as a way to explore my take on the Hisao/Hanako dynamic a bit further.
Comrade wrote:infinite options does not mean all options, just like that between every two numbers there are infinite numbers, but not all.

If I see that sentence anywhere I am going to send your head to your mother with a replacment order
If you like a moodier fanfic, why not try mine?

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