Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated 10/2/15]

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CloudGrain
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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by CloudGrain » Tue Nov 11, 2014 11:30 am

I'm enjoying this story quite a bit.

Fleshing out characters we're not as familiar with, giving new perspectives on main characters that we'd all like to think we know everything about already, it's quite refreshing. I'd like to point out that I'm definitely in the same boat as Oscar Wildecat on how it's definitely nice to see how we get to see another side to Hisao in this story; fleshed out differently and portrayed a little more individualistically.

That being said, I'm sometimes finding the writing just a tiny bit harder to follow here and there (and this might entirely be an issue with me, as a reader).

Take the interaction with Emi for example, with her managing to 'hit the nail on the head' in reference to exactly how he was feeling when he'd come to Yamaku. How she's noticing that he's been 'moping around' all day, and more or less manages to point out the fact that he's absolutely been depressed for the majority of Act 1, how she points out that he'd been essentially 'wasting an opportunity of a lifetime'.

Even with Emi being Emi, more than happy to point out things and fairly observant... I'm not exactly sure that she'd be one to give a 'speech' like that after knowing someone for an entire week. Especially given another simple fact; that she's probably seen and talked with him a grand total of three or four different times up until this point. I'd like nothing more than to point out that by the very end of Hanako's route, Hisao and Hanako are happy to admit that they don't understand one another. At that point, they'd spent quite a bit of time with one another, and opened up to one another significantly more than Hisao's opened up to anyone by this point in your own story. But, I think that I'm digressing in my original point. To simplify it, it's downright strange that Emi would really appear quite as concerned as she does, and to have her apparently knowing that Hisao's been moping around despite their few interactions. Not impossible, certainly, especially since she's definitely got a vested interest in his well-being thanks to the back-story you're providing to this. But it's just oddly insightful enough to have thrown me off a little bit.

Of course, like I said, maybe it's just me and a bit of cynicism that I'm breaking out.

Other than a few other little bits where the other characters seem somewhat unnaturally intuitive and/or accepting (if only to me), I've gotta admit that I really, really do enjoy the writing style that's been taken here. The frequent little descriptions of things, comparisons that're drawn, bits of humor added in, I like it. It's definitely interesting to see how some portions of it seem to alternatively waver and strengthen throughout the pieces that've been written so far, reflecting upon Hisao's attitude. So I really do like the style of it all, and the content's definitely original enough to be an interesting removed perspective from what we're more accustomed to within Katawa Shoujo.

Really look forwards to seeing a few more updates on the story. I've got a feeling that, while it's starting off pretty good, it's going to get even better as things progress.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but a beautiful thing to lose.

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Mohn_Jadden
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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Tue Nov 11, 2014 6:11 pm

CloudGrain wrote:I'm enjoying this story quite a bit.

Fleshing out characters we're not as familiar with, giving new perspectives on main characters that we'd all like to think we know everything about already, it's quite refreshing. I'd like to point out that I'm definitely in the same boat as Oscar Wildecat on how it's definitely nice to see how we get to see another side to Hisao in this story; fleshed out differently and portrayed a little more individualistically.

That being said, I'm sometimes finding the writing just a tiny bit harder to follow here and there (and this might entirely be an issue with me, as a reader).

Take the interaction with Emi for example, with her managing to 'hit the nail on the head' in reference to exactly how he was feeling when he'd come to Yamaku. How she's noticing that he's been 'moping around' all day, and more or less manages to point out the fact that he's absolutely been depressed for the majority of Act 1, how she points out that he'd been essentially 'wasting an opportunity of a lifetime'.

Even with Emi being Emi, more than happy to point out things and fairly observant... I'm not exactly sure that she'd be one to give a 'speech' like that after knowing someone for an entire week. Especially given another simple fact; that she's probably seen and talked with him a grand total of three or four different times up until this point. I'd like nothing more than to point out that by the very end of Hanako's route, Hisao and Hanako are happy to admit that they don't understand one another. At that point, they'd spent quite a bit of time with one another, and opened up to one another significantly more than Hisao's opened up to anyone by this point in your own story. But, I think that I'm digressing in my original point. To simplify it, it's downright strange that Emi would really appear quite as concerned as she does, and to have her apparently knowing that Hisao's been moping around despite their few interactions. Not impossible, certainly, especially since she's definitely got a vested interest in his well-being thanks to the back-story you're providing to this. But it's just oddly insightful enough to have thrown me off a little bit.

Of course, like I said, maybe it's just me and a bit of cynicism that I'm breaking out.

Other than a few other little bits where the other characters seem somewhat unnaturally intuitive and/or accepting (if only to me), I've gotta admit that I really, really do enjoy the writing style that's been taken here. The frequent little descriptions of things, comparisons that're drawn, bits of humor added in, I like it. It's definitely interesting to see how some portions of it seem to alternatively waver and strengthen throughout the pieces that've been written so far, reflecting upon Hisao's attitude. So I really do like the style of it all, and the content's definitely original enough to be an interesting removed perspective from what we're more accustomed to within Katawa Shoujo.

Really look forwards to seeing a few more updates on the story. I've got a feeling that, while it's starting off pretty good, it's going to get even better as things progress.
Thanks for the feedback!

The thing with Emi is that we referenced her previous running partner, who evidently perished because he didn't take care of himself. Not to shift the blame, but I think Brady suggested that and I went along with it.

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Bradycardia
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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Bradycardia » Thu Nov 13, 2014 9:06 pm

Act 2 Part 3: Terra Incognita

I jump out of the shower, hissing slightly as the cool air makes contact with my wet skin. I pay it little mind, instead opting to scurry over to my nearby towel. I hurriedly brush the liquid off of my shoulders, not bothering to check if I got it all off.

A quick peek into the hall reveals that it is deserted. I wrap the towel around my waist and start the quick run back to my dorm, praying that nobody exits their room at this point in time. Would be pretty embarrassing.

They’re most likely already taking the test by now. I flash equations and inequalities in my mind, trying in vain to quickly study without my book.

“C6….H2….” I mutter, actually managing to remember some of this stuff. I’m more worried about the fact that I’m late than the me actually taking the test. I’m at least pretty certain that I could pass it, but I’m pretty sure I need the chance to take the exam for that to happen

I swing open the door, tossing my towel across the room with reckless abandon. A soft ‘whump’ informs me that it’s landed on the bed, draping itself over the covers. I have half a mind to go get it, but a quick check of the clock makes me decide against it. For whatever reason, the hallway was much cooler than my room. I turn to face the closet, but my mind isn’t all there. It’s somewhere… different.

All the events that have transpired since the fireworks flash through my mind. My encounter with Misha and Shizune, my meeting with Haruhiko and Keiko, and even my most recent run with Emi all stand out in my mind. Covered only by previous failures, my recent successes push me forward.

Maybe I'm not so unlucky after all.

Was that it? Simple blind luck? Perhaps some part of my psyche kicked in when it realized my social blundering was destroying my school life beyond repair. Even so, I don’t feel like I can accredit this sudden change to blind luck.

Again, I can feel my mind beginning to wander as I fiddle with the tie on my neck. I think back to everyone I have met during the last few days here. Anyone who may have influenced me. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how absurd the last few days have been.

Everyone I’ve met so far is like someone out of a sitcom. You have the uptight student council president, along with her incredibly, and annoyingly upbeat sycophant. They’re enemies with the perfect girl, who’s taken the shy and marred girl under her wing. Then you have the athletic girl along with her scatter-headed, artistic friend. It feels like I’m always one interaction away from a theme playing as I enter a room, or a laugh-track echoing in the background. Maybe this is how Kenji feels, always living in a world where reality and fantasy mix into something incomprehensible.

All things considered, it’s probably because it was the one time where I felt like social responsibilities were beating down the proverbial door. Every other interaction I had before hand felt necessary, like I needed to participate otherwise I’d never fit in.

In the end, I shouldn’t be thinking this much into one topic. The self-doubts and hatred can come when I’m thirty years old, stuck in a dead-end job, and the 30th floor window looks more and more appealing to attempt to fly out of.

...I’ve been staring at the closet door for nearly three minutes now.

If I wasn’t late before, I sure as hell am now.

●●●

It feels like everytime I leave this building I am in some sort of hurry one way or another. Of course, I keep it to a mean speed-walk. I think running is out of the equation for at least the next few days, screaming legs be damned.

I cut through the small green pasture-like area located at the center of Yamaku’s small campus and enter the main building. A soft breeze tries its hardest to get me to reconsider my actions, but I ignore it, strutting towards the front entrance with some sort of purpose in my step.

I swing the door wide as I scurry inside, embracing the feeling of cool air on my face. June weather can be unpredictable. I savor the feeling of indoor industrialized air conditioning. That soon passes however, replaced with the horrible sight of barren, empty halls.

I check my watch. 10:00, on the dot. Sure enough, I am incredibly late. Wasting no more time than is necessary, I take each step two at a time until I am on the third floor. My legs ache in protest, and my heart pushed the barrel of it’s proverbial gun further into my skull.

Who knew academics were more important than my own survival.

I rush down the halls, ignoring the ‘no running’ policy that is loosely enforced by the student council duo, besides, it’s not like the legless wonder herself is even bound by that particular rule. I quickly round a corner, making a quick mental check of the books that I’m carrying. Yep, everything’s there.

Well, except me.

Before I know it, I’m standing in-front of the inanimate bearer of bad news. ‘Class 3-3’ ascribed in bold above the door, reminding me that, yes indeed, I suffer from a caged heart, but that doesn’t mean I get to suffer academically.

I look inside, already beginning to dread the inevitable. Row upon row of green and white pastel-clad students hunch over at their desks, furiously scribbling equations and answers down onto a thin sheet of paper, armed only with the arsenal of yellow no. 2 pencils. The teacher himself sits in his academic throne, nose-deep in a book.

Surprise surprise, I’m late.

I enter the classroom with a sheepish grin on my face, and Mutou, along with the majority of the class, look up from what they were doing. I’m pretty sure firing a gun would’ve evoked about the same reaction.

Sighing underneath my breath, I move slowly to Mutou’s desk, preparing my excuse so that he may yet again spare me from a tardy. I reach the front of his desk, ignoring the lazy stares from the students to my left, desperate for any respite from the exam. From here, I can see the cover of the book in Mutou’s possession. ‘Death by Black Hole: And Other Cosmic Quandaries’ Huh, sounds exciting enough I suppose. I can’t see the author’s name, but I can tell that the book’s been translated.

I ready myself for whatever excuse I can muster, as well as the inevitable chewing out I’ll receive. It’s understandable, I’m at least 40 minutes late.

“I was-” I begin, but I’m soon cut off by Mutou, complete with a hand gesture.

“The nurse called.” His voice isn’t exactly the most subtle thing in existence, and I cringe as I feel the eyes of literally tens of students peering at me, judging me.

Great. Now everyone knows that I’m not invincible. I prepare myself for the ensuing giggles and chortles.

Surprisingly, it never comes. I peek back behind me to see row after row of quiet students, most of them already returning their attention back to the exam. One of them fast asleep. I hope for both of us that she had already finished the exam, but I’m pretty sure she’d slept since the beginning of class, if my prior experiences were anything to go by.

I’m bewildered for a moment, before a sudden wave of realization hits me.

Unlike the schools I went to in the past, it seems as if visits to the Nurse are apart of the daily schedule here. Of course the stigma of visiting the office wouldn’t be present in a school where most of the student body visits it once a week.

Hey presto, I’m not special! Who would have thought? A crackling, throat-clearing sound resonates next to me, which brings me back to the present.

“You can take the test after school-” He continues, eyeing the rest of the students, which sends the few that were procrastinating back into a haze of equations and confusion.

His face scrunches up slightly, as if he were considering something. It’s quickly dropped, he instead opts to lean forward. Maybe he’s finally realized that he’s not the most subtle person in the world, then again, I don’t think he particularly cares about my social well-being.

“You should be fine as long as you studied. Try not to get yourself killed with Miss Ibarazaki, Nakai. I don’t think anyone could handle that much excitement.” He says in barely a whisper, but even his hushed tone can’t hide the concern seeping through his gravelly voice. He leans back in his chair, waving his hand in front of his face dismissively, and I go to take my seat.

Haruhiko looks back over his shoulder and cocks his head, obviously wondering what I had been up to. I tap the watch on my wrist, and he quickly nods before finished the last few problems on his exam. An indeterminate sense of dread washes over me, and I turn to see Shizune gazing at me. The pencil in her hand hovers over what I assume to be the last equation. One of her eyebrows is raised, and I silently give my thanks for the test today, otherwise I’d be getting a chewing out by her, with Misha as a proxy.

I don’t want to face this right now. I’m still in disbelief how my legs are still screaming, not to mention the whole ‘heart palpitation’ thing.

Haruhiko stands up, carrying his sheet of paper over to the teacher’s desk, before pivoting and returning to his seat. He’s soon followed by the rest of the class, the din even managing to wake the turquoise haired girl from her slumber.

She looks around slowly before peering down at her empty test. I can’t see her face as she crumples it up and half-heartedly throws it in the nearby trash-can. I cringe slightly, for the both of us. By now, I assume the reason that she’s here relates to the fact that she’s slept in nearly every class I’ve attended.

I can’t pity her at all, however. I don’t think anyone can. When everyone here has a problem of their own, it becomes hard to sympathize with anyone else.

It’s Haruhiko who manages to snap me out of my slightly depressing train of thought, his voice adding to the post-exam worried whispers and concerned small-talk.

“Hey, you still up for lunch?” He asks, his face contorted in such a way that suggests thats not the only thing on his mind.

“Yeah.” I answer simply, more of a grunt than anything. I thumb the laminated edge of my book, for some reason finding myself thinking back to something that Keiko had said only the other day. She mentioned that she had a friend that was new here too. Was she like me? Arriving late in the year, without an inkling of a thought of the current material? I guess she’s lucky she managed to find a friend so quickly, and not ruin that friendship like I managed to.

Six times over. At least that number seems to be dropping by the second. I think it’s at three now, which isn’t as bad. I’m not sure which fact is more depressing, that I managed to ruin six friendships in a week, or the sign that they’re dropping is motivating me.

At least in ten years this’ll seem small compared to the problems I’ll face then.

Whoever the mystery friend is, I suppose I’ll find out at lunch. Speaking of, I still have no idea where it’s taking place. I don’t feel like eating in the cafeteria again, the food in there is enough to make me go insane in my half-zombified state. The roof isn’t the most comfortable place to eat, what with the mis-matched gravel and the hot sun beating down on the surface of the roof. Other than those two places, and my dorm, I haven’t eaten anywhere else since I arrived here.

I snap back to reality to see that Haruhiko is still staring at me, as if expecting me to say something. He can’t seem to hide the concern behind his features, and even though I know he means well, I can’t help but feel a little irate. I’m alive, aren’t I? Isn’t that all that matters?

“I’m fine.” I say, crossing my arms and rubbing my upper arms. For a school, they sure can afford their A/C bills.

“I’m not going to take that answer from the psycho that raced Emi.” Haruhiko’s features contorted into a smile, which seemed at odds with his expression from before. Hiding concern with jest isn’t the best move.

I sigh, more out of frustration of being reminded of this than anything else.

“Word spread that fast?”

“The entire track team saw you hunched over with the legless wonder.” Huh. I guess I didn’t notice while I was busy nearly dying. He turns slightly, facing me with his upper body.

“In high-schools, stuff like that spreads like wildfire. You, alone with one of the hottest girls on the track-team, hunched over each other in the early morning? What a scandal you have on your hands.” His grin was practically cat-like now, but that’s besides the point. Did they seriously think that I was having those kinds of relations with Emi? The fact that I just returned from the nurse’s office didn’t help either.

“What?” I say, simply dumbfounded with Haruhiko’s findings, or… gossip. Hopefully the latter.

At this, he laughs, his grin spreading to his ears. For some reason I feel like I’m being led around on a leash. Reminds me of my first day here.

“Nah, I’m messing with you. But seriously.” His expression quickly drops into a more serious one, completely different to the one he wore seconds earlier. “I like it that you’re working on getting healthier, but do it at your own pace.” It’s evidently hard for him to hide the bitterness in his tone, and I’m reminded of Emi’s conversation.

I’ll add that to my mental checklist. Number one; at the very least, try not to kill yourself. It looks bad for the school.

“Right… yeah. Sorry.” I say, trying anything to get out of this awkward situation, before he transforms into the nurse or something.

His face shoots back into a slightly more muted smile. “It’s fine, I know personally how hard it can be to resist her puppy-face.”

By now, it’s pretty obvious that Haruhiko’s in the track team. I wonder if Keiko is too, either that or she was just timing a friend’s run.

He opens his mouth to say something, but he’s suddenly cut off by Mutou clearing his throat. In the midst of our discussion, he somehow maneuvered himself to the front of the room without either of us noticing. He now stares directly at Haruhiko, who quickly turns around, sheepish grin plastered on his face.

“I hope you’re all looking forward to receiving your tests back, I should have them ready by next week.” He says, glancing up to the clock along with every other student in the room. Looks like he only has 10 seconds to say his final words.

Mutou mutters something beneath his breath before speaking again. “Enjoy your weekend, and keep in mind that our next unit covers Chapter 11.”

Hmm. Chapter 11? I need to check the book to remember what that one covered. I guess I’ll do it when I’m in my dorm, I don’t have anything else to do there.

Mutou looks like he’s about to mention something else, before he’s quickly cut off by the ringing of the bell.

Everyone besides Shizune, Misha, and me stand up and quickly shuffle out of the door. Mutou watches helplessly as his last words are swallowed my the ensuing crowd. He gives a soundless sigh, and returns to his desk. At the same time, Haruhiko stands up, gesturing towards me.

I gather the things on my desk, and stand up with him. We wordlessly shuffle outside the door, confronting the crowds outside. Everyone seems excited for the upcoming weekend. Meanwhile, I don’t see any point. I guess it’s nice that I don’t have to trudge to school for one day, otherwise it’s like every other week.

I need a hobby.
Five.

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Bradycardia
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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Bradycardia » Thu Nov 13, 2014 9:11 pm

Act 2 Part 3: Terra Inconita -continued-

I'm swept in a crowd of students as I try to keep track of Haruhiko. It feels less like I’m surrounded by people, and more like I’m surrounded by a bunch of stampeding cattle. A guy jostles me as we take a turn, he expresses his apologies as he speeds off down the hall.

It seems as if everyone is in a hurry except for me. Even Haruhiko sets a blistering pace, my legs be damned.

Eventually, I’m able to catch up to him.

“Halls are pretty busy, huh?” Haruhiko says, diverting his attention back and forth from me and the rest of the hall.

“Well, it is a Saturday.” I say, narrowly avoiding yet another student.

He simply shrugs in response, taking another turn. We find ourselves in the atrium, and he looks around for a bit before leading me out the main entrance. The transition from cool air to warm air is refreshing, and I can’t hide my sigh of relief as he leads me out into the sun.

The main pathway is awash in crowds of students, many of them walking off with friends to their own private lunch spots. Even from here, I can make out the different cliques. Maybe this is an opportunity from the heavens to find a hobby?

A group of students pass us, holding various books in the crooks of their arms. They’re discussing something about ‘literary strategies’, so I automatically assume it’s some sort of literary club. Eh, I wouldn’t be too into that.

A group of males and females jog towards the right, heading to the nearby track. Most of them are wearing impossibly short shorts, which are just underwear lying about being legitimate clothing. Maybe I’d consider joining them if I was at all interested in nearly dying for 30 minutes a day. At least I’d look pretty buff before I croaked.

We continue on, passing by a group of people sitting on the grass. I recognize one of them from my class, but for the life of me I can’t remember his name. Then again, I only bothered to learn a handful of names ever since I got here.

Each of them has a small canvas, about the size of a sheet of A4 paper. Huh, I didn’t know the art club did stuff outside, save for the mural. Rin is mysteriously absent from the group. Perhaps it’s harder to paint with only your feet outside on a canvas that small. I briefly consider signing up, but there is no way in hell that I could create anything remotely considered ‘art’.

It seems like I can’t fit into any of these clubs. Maybe I’m doomed to live a long and boring school life. Surprise surprise. At least I’m honest with myself.

I have no idea if that’s a blessing or a curse. I guess it’s whatever I make it out to be. In my state, I’m lucky if I can determine what’ll happen next week.

Something brings me out of my mopey train of thought. It’s Haruhiko, he’s stopped up ahead. Only now I realize that I’d been standing still for a good 10 seconds. This is the second time today. Maybe I should lie down or something.

“You alright?” He asks, cocking his head as I make my way over to him, trying to recover the situation.

“Yeah man, I’m fine.” I say as the lowering sun hits my eyes, making me cringe slightly and hasten to block out the intruding rays. Haruhiko’s face scrunches up, like it did earlier. He’s really concerned about me, isn’t he?

“C’mon. Don’t want to be late for lunch, right?” He questions, the perpetual teasing smile returning once more to his face.

We begin to walk again, turning onto a side path that leads in a direction toward the female dorms. I look up, glad that a sudden canopy of trees has done the job of blocking the sun for me. Looking around, I’m surprised this isn’t a botanical garden. Trees and shrubs of all shapes and sizes, some of which aren’t even native, are scattered around a verdant field.

Some of the more proactive students are running around the clearer sections, throwing a Frisbee around. To tell the truth, it’s a bit of a shock after seeing their previously dull faces in the classroom. Maybe it’s just Mutou’s teaching. I never really have a problem with it.

The sight of other people brings a question unto my mind, and it’s one that I can’t help but voice to the slightly quirky boy in-front of me.

“Speaking of, who are we eating with?”

“Hmm? It’s a surpriseeee, Hisao. Be patient.” The way he draws out ‘surprise’ makes it easy to figure his facial expression.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I looked down right now and saw a collar with a little “H.Nakai, please call ‘1-800-8008’ if lost.” Complete with a little leash leading from my neck directly to his hand. I haven’t an inkling of a thought how he manages to lead me on so well.

The path in-front of us twists and turns, and the loud din of laughter and conversation soon dies behind us as we enter a more secluded section of the park. I’m pretty grateful, as I would’ve had a hard time eating lunch in such an active environment.

…If I had brought lunch. Damnit, I forgot it again. I hear a short chuckle in-front of me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Suddenly, Haruhiko veers off the path, springing off on a tangent into a thicket of trees and brush. I have no time to react, one second he’s there and the next he’s not.

Of all the teenagers living in crippled academies all over the world, I had to find him.

“Hey!” I exclaim, before worse nature takes ahold of me and I begin to chase after him. I narrowly avoid slamming into a bush as I sprint on Haruhiko’s heels. I really hope this doesn’t continue for long. I can already feel my heart loading it’s proverbial gun.

I’m actually catching up to him, then again, he might be deliberately going slow. One second, he has concern for my health, the next he’s running off into the distance, leaving me in unfamiliar territory?

Strange indeed.

I’m almost running with him side by side now, I pay no mind where we’re going, only to keep up with this speedy maniac next to me. Through his huffs and puffs, I can hear distinct bits of laughter. Oh, he’s having fun, is he? Good for him.

My footfalls get louder and louder as I get more and more desperate. I don’t even notice Haruhiko next to me anymore, I only focus on moving forward. Faster and faster.

I think someone’s yelling at me. I keep running. If I stop now, I’ll never be able to catch up. I have to keep this momentum up.

A familiar voice cuts through the thick of my dazed, exhausted head. A voice I remember hearing before.

“Hey!” The voice calls… from behind me?

I turn around to see Keiko standing next to Haruhiko, who is currently doubled over in stitches. His laughter would normally be considered pleasant, if he wasn’t choking on his own sense of humor. Keiko looks more confused than anything, her head cocked as if to say ‘Why the hell did you just run 100 yards not 2 hours after you nearly died?’

It’s alright. I’m asking myself that too.

After a few seconds of dazed observation, I start to meekly make my way over to their location, conveniently located under a solid oak tree, the grass growing thick out of it’s raised roots. The silence here is nice. It’s way more peaceful than any place I could manage to find back home.

This silence is way better than the countless awkward silences I’ve experienced in the past week.

They’re both slightly in-front of the large oak, I can’t see if anyone’s behind them, or even behind the tree. Hell, it’s thick enough to hide an entire nuclear family back there.

I try my best to smile as Haruhiko apparently recovered from his laughing fit, straighting up and resetting his tie after it had been almost thrown to the wind during his sprint. I slowly come to a stop in-front of them, racking my brain for anything to make this situation at least a little less painful for me.

I open my mouth to begin, but Keiko interrupts me.

“Nice sprinting! You could give even Emi a run for her money.”

I rub the back of my neck, already uncomfortable by how far I pushed my limits today. I’ve already shaved off… what? 10 years off my lifespan?

“How fast…?” I ask.

“I gave up once we hit the finish line. You just zipped off.” Haruhiko responded, his voice a little raspy from his laughing fit not 10 seconds prior.

“We were racing?”

“‘Were’. I don’t think it counts as racing as much as impromptu exercise.”

I seriously do not get him. One second, he’s as concerned as ever for my health, the next he’s making me run 200 yard mad-dashes across the park? He’s as two-faced as the phantom of the opera. Except instead of a mask he just has that omnipresent hair-band, whose purpose will remain shrouded in mystery.

I shrug, deciding to change the flow of the conversation before they try to get me to join the track team or something. I get enough of that from the million-dollar girl.

“So. This is where you eat?”

“Yeah.” Keiko responded, looking behind her for a split second. Is she checking to see if the tree’s still standing? “Welcome to the tree you just buzzed. I was afraid you’d trip over a root or something.”

So I guess this topic isn’t going to be easily dismissed. The elephant in the room is now my apparent super-human ability. I feel like a celebrity.

I decide to push past them, hopefully sending the signal that I’d rather talk about other things besides myself. I slowly round the oak, noticing that Keiko already had her meal set out on one of the roots, using it as a makeshift table.

However, there’s one thing I notice in particular. Keiko had stacked her books next to her meal, but there was another stack right next to them. The mystery stack had different covers, so they couldn’t be from year three. That means they weren’t Haruhiko’s. Who did these books belong to?

As if answering my question, something pokes in the back of my head. It doesn’t feel like a hand… is Haruhuko poking me with a stick? I wouldn’t put it above him.

I turn around, my body pivoting in place, to reveal… absolutely nothing. Well, if nothing was a disconnected foot. Did they poke me with their foot? Why is it 5 feet off the ground?

Before I even get the chance to follow the foot back to it’s owner, a voice, a very familiar voice emanates from above.

“Up here Apollo X.”

I snap my head up to see a girl lying in the crook of the tree, her back against the solid trunk, forming a sideways ‘L’ shape. The silvery grey locks of her hair are pushed back behind her ears, although they try their hardest to escape their cartilage prison. Her head is turned to look down unto me, her eyes in particular are squinting, as if she’s examining me.

Through all of this passive observation, theres one thing I notice immediately.

Her eyes are a different color. They’re still the same color of muted silvery blue, however they’re darkened somehow, almost as if she turned down the brightness setting, if that’s even possible. Even now they blink at me, staring at me.

Well this is a little awkward. Actually… no. It’s just deja vu.

I never thought I’d see her again, let alone meet her friends. As if reading my thoughts, she gives me a surprisingly small smile, and retracts her foot, setting it parallel to her other one resting on the branch. The polite side of me is thankful she decided to wear dark thigh-highs, otherwise this positioning would be showing too much skin for my safety.

I swallow, not exactly certain what to say by this sudden turn of events. I decide to stick with the basic. Sure it may be vanilla, but this situation calls for it.

“Uh… Hey there Aoi! Long time no see.” I say, straining my neck to look up at her. How does she keep managing to climb up these trees? Maybe she’s some kind of acrobat.

“Hello again…” She looks down at her feet dangling from the branches. Did she forget my-

“Hisao.” She says before turning away from me, looking out across the sun-bleached field. I guess not. She squints at the light, turning back away from the field to focus on her me. If I had to place it, she seemed almost melancholic. I wonder why, she seemed pretty upbeat when we last met. Maybe we all have bad days. I’m certainly no excuse. Even so, this kind of personality shift is off-putting to say the least.

“You make friends fast for a new kid.” She says quietly. I think back to what Haruhiko said. I had no idea that Aoi and he were friends. As a matter of fact, I don’t know anything about them. I just came to lunch with total strangers. Wonderful.

“Yeah, well Keiko kinda dragged me along. I just met them yesterday.”

She smiles warmly, Twisting her fingers in the one braid with the blue bow.

“She has a soft spot for new students. Glad you could make it though, even if there aren’t any fireworks this time.” she prods, removing a small book from her bag. I can hear footsteps behind me, and my strange new friends walk into view beside the large tree. I guess Keiko and Haruhiko finished whatever they were up to. Aoi looks over to the boy and the girl approaching her, and she nods to the hair-banded harlequin.

“Hey Hiko. Recruiting people for track?” ‘Hiko’? I guess that’s Haruhiko’s nickname. Thank god, my mind was getting tired of repeating that word. His last name’s probably something like ‘Mishunikoparatrikoliko’ or some other name that would probably put me in a coma if I attempted to pronounce it.

He looks up, seemingly just now noticing the accomplice in the tree.

“You know me, always looking for another victi- I mean partner.” He winks at me, and I’m quick to mouth a ‘no’ right back.

“My hands are full enough with Emi, I couldn’t handle anymore running.” I say, holding my hands up in submission. There is no way in hell he’s dragging me out to that field. I am already out there enough with Emi.

Hiko’s grin widens, and he looks as if he is about to say something. However, he catches himself, as if he suddenly remembered the morning at the track. He nods imperceptibly, hopefully reading the emotions on my face. If I had a mirror, I bet ‘Ha ha, change the subject please’ would be written in black marker on my forehead.

Keiko’s eyebrows shoots up, as if she had reached an epiphany.

“Well I’m glad to see the two of you have met! I was hoping to introduce you, but I guess you get around, huh Nakai?

“I have my ways.” I say, before taking a seat against the trunk of the tree and pulling out my science book, and setting it aside to study later. Keiko looks at my bag, which is now empty aside from a red folder and a few loose papers.

“Did you bring anything to eat?”

I shake my head back and forth, while a part of me wants to check my pockets to see if I stuffed a cracker or something before I left my dorm, I know that I’m dry on food. I haven’t gone shopping since I got here, and I know there isn’t any food in my room at all. Regardless, my lack of food is entirely my fault, but still a part of me remains that wants to make Hiko pay for his heinous crimes.

“Nope. Ha-” I stutter on the name again, having some trouble pronouncing the multiple, different syllables.”

“-Hiko dragged me out here before I had the chance to grab anything.” It’s a little strange using his nickname for the first time out loud. I look over and notice his scowl, which makes me grin imperceptibly. Who’s annoyed now?

Keiko and Aoi directed their attention to the brown-haired boy. Keiko sporting a joking frown on her face, while Aoi simply looked at him with a questioning glare. Something tells me they don’t get new people out here often...

“What? I didn’t know!” He said, trying to turn the situation back into his favor.

“You owe him lunch!” Keiko said, pointing an accusing finger into Hiko’s chest, causing him to retreat a few steps. He’s coming dangerously close to a tree root sticking menacingly out of the grass.

I immediately feel guilty, even if the idea of taking Hiko’s lunch is appealing beyond all measure.

“Honestly, its fine! I’m not even-” I blurt out.

“Shh!” Keiko shushes me for the second time since I met her. I feel like this may become a regular thing. Maybe I should go mute. Hiko looks around wildly, before alternating between Keiko’s angry glare and something behind her. Is he looking for a way out? Not a chance. As if reading my mind, he suddenly opened his mouth to speak.

“Hey… look there’s Akio!”

“Wha?” Keiko suddenly stops her advance and whipped herself around, causing Hiko to lose his balance and tip over, complete with an exclamation of surprise. Keiko either doesn’t care, or is too enraptured by whatever she’s seen.

Keiko starts jogging out into the field, towards whoever ‘Akio’ was, raising her hand and waving. However, Aoi and I are a bit more preoccupied with Hiko’s predicament. Somehow, he managed to twist himself mid-fall and land on his hands and knees. After a few seconds, he slowly gets up, giving himself more than a few injury checks.

What an exciting day. I can only hope I spend most of tomorrow in the downy embrace of my sweet, sweet bed.

I let out the breath I had been holding for so long. I glanced toward Aoi as Hiko muttered something about Keiko being lucky that he managed to catch himself. He seems pretty concerned with his health and well-being. I’m not about to ask him, but I can’t help but imagine that maybe his reason for being at Yamaku in the first place is related.

Of course superstition is only based in assumptions. I can’t help but think of my dad. I sound so much like him now-a-days its scary.

I turn, focusing in on Aoi once again. Sporting the usual school uniform, aside from a blue ribbon in her hair, she looks completely normal. As if she didn’t belong here at all.

Then again, the same could be said for all of us here. We all look pretty ‘normal’. The thought crosses me as odd though, and I almost feel guilty for thinking it. Why would any of us not be considered ‘normal’? What are we if we aren’t normal?

“Are they usually like this?” I ask Aoi.

Aoi hums absentmindedly, and I’m reminded of how different she seems today than from the night at the festival.

“Sometimes. Akio usually gets the brunt of it.” Her voice is as deadpan as before, almost as if she’s perpetually sighing. It’s strange, to say the least.

“What do you mean?” I look out towards the field, but I’m unable to determine what’s further than fifteen meters, due to a thick layer of brush. “And… who?”

“You’ll see. I think.”

I get the feeling that I’m not really in control of the situation.

I’ve been getting that feeling a lot lately.

The sounds of brush crackling and snapping reach my ears, and I turn to see Keiko with her arms completely wrapped around a brownish-red haired boy. She’s talking to him, and I don’t have to actually hear her to know she’s speaking a mile a minute. Keiko seems pretty excitable today, that’s for sure.

The same couldn’t be said for the boy however. His arms are pinned to his sides from her vice grip, and one of his hands is dangerously close to dropping a thin novel. The other hand is currently wedged between Keiko’s, and a wooden cane. The boy’s face says it all however, a mixture of both surprise and bewilderment.

As they get closer, I begin to hear whatever conversation they were having fade into my ears.

“Ohmygodwhendidyougetout-of-the-hospital-I’msohappyyou’reback!” Her remaining words were muffled as she pressed her face into his side. If it was even possible, Keiko somehow managed to squeeze the poor boy harder, much to the chagrin of the latter.

“Hey now, watch it please…” Akio wheezes out, no doubt his lungs being compressed by Keiko’s bear hug. Even his wheezing can’t hide the sophisticated tone in his voice, which is strange after listening to Hiko’s blabbering.

She quickly realizes her folly, swiftly retracting her arms and adopting an almost apologetic look on her face. Her sudden movement manages to knock the novel to the ground, which she is quick to retrieve, handing it back to Akio. He nods, and smiles, gently hugging Keiko back before carefully and delicately setting himself upon the ground, opening the book in his hands.

I can see his eyes already beginning to scan the pages, trying to find the place where he last left off.

He seems sociable enough.

However, this had the unintentional, or in Akio’s case, intentional effect of causing yet another awkward silence. Oh boy, haven’t had enough of those today. Nobody says anything for a good few seconds, subconsciously putting the burden on me to continue the conversation. Like that ever turned out well.

Before I know it, I’m blurting out the first thing that pops into my mind.

"You were in the hospital?"

It takes only a second after uttering that horrible mashing of words for my soul to shrivel up. I imagine everyone else around me is cringing hard enough to give themselves a stroke.

Akio's eyes darken, he focuses in on the book in his hands. Yep. I certainly crossed the line asking him such a personal question, as it wasn't even too long ago I kicked people out of my room for a less offensive question than that. He looks up at me, slowly reading my face before turning back to his book nonchalantly.

"I fell." He replies. Nothing more, nothing less.

Actually, I have no idea if I offended him with that statement. He seemed unfazed enough, but that kind of comment would hit deep for anyone. Sure, it was probably common knowledge with any of his friends, but that doesn’t mean I should barge in demanding answers.

Seconds pass. In the end, I tried, but as it turns out I’m not the best person to manage these kinds of social situations.

What a shocker.

Akio is still reading his book, as if the previous conversation never took place. Hiko awkwardly thumbs the yellow headband that seems permanently propped up on his forehead. Keiko sighs, before reaching down to her meal and begins to pick at a portion of rice. Aoi thumbs over something in her hand, before sticking it back in a small bag I assume is hers. I couldn’t get a good look of the object she was holding, but it looked like a small necklace.

I probably shouldn’t pry into it.

“It’s uh… good that you’re back, Akio. You ready for that test in Science?” Hiko seems to be doing his best to keep the conversation going. Meanwhile I’ll just try to make myself as small as possible.

“I studied.” Akio mutters as he flips a page, probably due more to concentration than malice.

He’s pretty talkative as well. What a nice guy.

Keiko shuffles over to Akio’s private sanctuary, and begins waving her hand over the book, trying to grab his attention. After a few moments of reading through her fingers, Akio finally obliges her and looks up, apparently satisfied that he had found his missing page.

He sits the book down on the ground and smiles slightly, leaning back on his hands. Keiko, with the grace of a bull, leans over and lays her head in his lap as if it were a pillow at a therapeutic office.

“Talk.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes you do! What did they say?”

He sighs, looking up at the sky between the leaves of the tree. His expression darkens. I’m not sure if he saw something, or he remembered something.

“I’ll tell you later”

She shoots up, giving him a playful glare. For a second it reminds me of Emi’s pouting. Like an angry puppy. Maybe a puppy with a gun.

“What’s the big deal? I haven't seen you in two weeks!” I can’t help but notice that Akio and Keiko are one of the most mis-matched couples I’ve ever seen. How exactly does a book-worm like him attract someone like her anyway?

I wonder how long they’ve been dating.

Akio looks down with a bemused look on his face, before reaching back and grabbing his novel yet again. Maybe I should ask him what he’s reading. Must be pretty interesting. Aoi is sitting with her back against the solid tree trunk, watching the two actors duke it out with an indecipherable expression on her face.

Why is she so… different?

Keiko clears her throat, trying to grab Akio’s attention. She doesn’t look like she’s going to be taking no for an answer, either.

Suddenly, a raindrop hits Keiko’s nose, eliciting a small cry of surprise. As if controlled by one force, everyone including myself look up to see a cloudy grey sky, the shining sun from before now cloaked in a swirling dark mess. More drops of clear liquid fall from the sky around us, luckily we’re shielded from the worst of it, thanks to the tree.

None of us saw it coming, but now we had to pack up quick or return to the dorms a sopping mess. Akio quickly tucks the book into his coat, safe from the aquatic danger. Keiko gets up from Akio’s lap, scurrying over to quickly close her meal and throw it into her bag, closing the top. Hiko fastens his headband, brushing down a few stray hairs.

And Aoi… for some reason has a strange look on her face. As if she is almost relieved. It soon passes, and she packs up the remnants of her paltry lunch and slings her bag over her shoulder.

A raindrop hits my head, bringing me back to the real world

“Alright, I think we’re ready. We’ll split up here.” Hiko says, moving towards Akio.

“Bye Hisao! Sorry for the first impression!” Keiko says as she nudges Aoi. The two of them begin to shuffle off, using the trees as strategic cover from the aerial torrent.

Aoi waves at me before turning off and following Keiko on her exodus back to the female dorms.

For some reason, I find myself staring at the two of them as they disappear into the brush. I don’t know. Maybe it was Aoi’s sudden personality change that intrigued me the most. She seemed quite a bit different compared to how she acted at the festival.

Although my curiosity stings, I at least have the common sense not to walk right up to her and ask what’s wrong. Maybe I have some sort of tact left, even if the past few minutes have shattered any hope of regaining it. Maybe I’m thinking this hard for nothing.

Maybe I’m a dumbass.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

“Earth to Hisao.” Hiko taps me on the shoulder, most likely quite eager to get out of here.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.” I turn around to face his slanted eyebrows. Shrugging, I push past him to slog towards the male dorms.

I am so looking forward to sleeping for the next fourteen hours.

●●●

I can't believe I forgot about the test.

I jump up, placing the book I was reading on my bedside table and launching off of my bed. I shoulder my bag, and lunge out the door, grabbing my coat and putting it on as I jog down the boy's hall. I check my watch, just now noticing its almost 1:00 PM. Mutou may still be there! I reach the end of the hall, swinging open the door leading to the stairwell.

Down the steps.

Out the door.

It's pouring down rain like Noah's ark and the great fucking flood.

I begin to quickly walk in the direction of the school building, and I immediately regret not grabbing an umbrella. Do I even have an umbrella? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t rain all that often up here in the mountains anyway, and I need the money for food and other necessities.

Of course it had to start raining today. The one day I decide that I actually had to be back at school on a Saturday. Maybe the sky god is trying to tell me not to bother, as if he would care about me.

I make my way towards the school building, getting visibly more soaked the longer I walk in the rain. The light at the end of the tunnel here is that I thankfully grabbed my coat, so only my pants will be soaking wet by the time I reach sweet, sweet sanctuary.

As I turn the corner, two girls I recognize from my class run towards the girls dorm, holding one small jacket over both of their heads in an attempt to stay dry. For some reason, I try to conjure up their names from the abyss known as my short-term memory. Ritsu and… Misaki, right? Regardless of my current train of thought, they run past me, giggling like children out in the rain.

To be honest they are kinda cute. Maybe If I had nothing to do I’d be able to think about talking to them.

And for the strangest reason, a most peculiar thought crosses my mind.

Why, in this school designed specifically for the disabled, aren’t we supposed to carry around lanyards detailing the reasons that we’re here? Wouldn’t it be much easier for everyone that way? To ensure that proper treatment is given in the case of an emergency?

Maybe it’s for our benefit. Maybe if we don’t carry reminders of the bad hands we were dealt in life, that we may learn to adapt and push forth even with the weights dragging at our ankles.

Or maybe I'm overthinking it like I do everything else.

Sounds about right

I’m snapped back to reality as someone grazes my side, barely flinching as they sprint across the open tarmac in search for shelter from the rain. I barely get a look at them before they fade into the haze. Again, reality decides to come knocking down my door.

The handle on the entrance to the school is cold and wet, and it offers no respite as I yank it open, desperate for any sense of safety from the torrential rain.

I enter the school, being the only crazy student that is just now getting here when everyone else has already left, having normal lives on a Saturday afternoon. I bet if I screamed right now my voice would echo. With that in mind, I take the steps in stride, jumping up two at a time.

Reaching the empty landing, I turn past the corner and walk until I reach my own personal hell. Or Class 3-3, if you want to be precise. I can just get a glance through the small window the door offers. Inside, Mutou is digging in the back of his closet, and a test is laid out on his desk. Great. Death by boredom lies straight within my sight.

I rap my knuckles on the door three times, and stride into the room, head hanging slightly low in anticipation of the grueling minutes to come. I’m still dripping from my recent endeavor with the pouring rain, as I didn’t bother wringing out my clothes so I wouldn’t be late. Mutou doesn’t even turn around from his closet, reaching even further in and pulling out a long, tube-shaped object shrouded in cloth.

"Uh, I'm here to take my exam." I try to grab his attention, the lazier parts of my mind screaming at me for doing so.

Mutou, as if finally noticing my presence turns around, setting the tube down next to a pile of lenses and plastic circles. I can see what looks like a large tripod lying discarded against the wall, near his desk.

Is that a telescope? Before I can ponder the question any longer, Mutou turns around quickly, a grimace forming on his face as he drops a small plastic ring. He picks it up off the ground and looks at the more-than-likely sad looking figure standing in font of the doorway to his classroom.

"Ah Hisao! Sorry to keep you waiting." He says, without an ounce of pity in his words. I doubt he wants to be here any more than I do, and to put that in perspective, I would rather be out in the freezing cold rain. Even though I know that I can probably ace this test, it doesn’t make me want to take it.

Mutou eyes me, noticing my soaked uniform. Yeah, thanks. I am aware that I’m dripping the contents of the Marianas Trench all over your floor.

"I got caught outside without an umbrella." I say with a shrug. Outside, the rain beats against the side of the school violently, and a heavy pitter patter of rain emanates from the windows.

Mutou looks at me quizzically before he grabs the cloth off a long tube and throws it to me. It’s some type of burlap, not really the kind of cloth you’d dry yourself off with. I’m in no place to argue, however.

"I must remind you that most teachers don't regularly stay after school on a Saturday." He says, again reaching further into the closet and pulling out more pieces to the telescope.

That's obvious, given how empty all the class rooms are at this point in time.

"And given that you're so late, I ordinarily wouldn't allow students to take it."

He catches himself on his last word, waving his hand in front of his face dismissively.

"Never mind, never mind. Just dry off and then you can start on the test. I understand moving to a new school can be stressful, even after two weeks." It almost seems like Mutou is having a two sided argument with himself. He sighs, and grabs a handful of tubes and lenses and heads back to his desk, dispersing the items on the black table top among various piles of papers and folders.

"Yes sir, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. It's been a long couple weeks." I say with a half smile. There's no point in lying about it. These have been probably two of the most stressful weeks of my life.

Mutou nods, moving to sit behind his desk, taking one of the hefty-looking lenses from the table and rubbing dust off it with a small rag. I begin to dry off with the cloth, trying to remember as many compounds and chemicals as possible.

C6....H2...yeah. I got this. I really hope that I remembered how to convert.

I look out the window, where the rain still barrages the school and large droplets fall from the sky. The pitter patter of the storm is all that can be heard beside Mutou cleaning the transparent lens and the cloth rubbing against my clothes.

I don’t really know the term that’s in-between the confidence of acing the test, and the cautiousness of careful planning.

I’ll just settle with “I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to fail.”

That seems appropriate.
Last edited by Bradycardia on Sun Nov 16, 2014 1:05 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Five.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Thu Nov 13, 2014 9:19 pm

Sorry for the delay. Brady and I had life things to do. His motherboard just got shipped back, so I imagine it'll be easier to update and write in the future, as well as it'll become easier for us to goof off in Payday 2 or GTA V when it finally releases on the PC

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by coolpool2 » Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:36 pm

Very enjoyable to read, I like all the new characters and semi-depressed Hisao.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Nov 14, 2014 2:34 am

Very good chapter. Pacing is a bit slow but not too much so.

Hisao sure runs a lot in this chapter considering he almost died in the previous one^^° You do seem aware of that as you have other characters call him out for it. I'm not quite sure why you have him do it, though.
Same with Haruhiko. You have Hisao wondering about his behaviour, but you don't provide any explanation. I do hope you have a good one in store...
Then again, I only bothered to learn Shizune, Misha, and Haruhiko’s names.
Did he already forget about Hanako? ;-)
“Nope. Ha-” I stutter on the name again, having some trouble pronouncing the multiple, different syllables.”
Haruhiko is not really a difficult name to pronounce...
“You can take the test after school-”
...
I am so looking forward to sleeping for the next fourteen hours.
I don't think Mutou is going to be pleased ;-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Fri Nov 14, 2014 8:38 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:I don't think Mutou is going to be pleased ;-)
This chapter takes place on a Saturday. I guess I should've clarified that, my mistake.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Nov 14, 2014 10:51 am

You did clarify it was a Saturday.
Still Mutou asked him to retake the test after school and he never went - whether "after school" meant "after lunch" or "after afternoon lessons" does not really matter.
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Sat Nov 15, 2014 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Fri Nov 14, 2014 5:02 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:You did clarify it was a Saturday.
Still Mutou asked him to retake the test after school and he never went - wheter "after school" meant "after lunch" or "after afternoon lessons" does not really matter.
Hmm. I guess I'll change the ending a bit. Thanks for pointing that out.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Sun Nov 16, 2014 1:59 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:You did clarify it was a Saturday.
Still Mutou asked him to retake the test after school and he never went - whether "after school" meant "after lunch" or "after afternoon lessons" does not really matter.
Alright, due to Brady's suggestion we're going to cover that at the beginning of Part 4.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Nov 16, 2014 5:20 am

Oh, you don't have to cover him taking the retest - simply changing the final line of the chapter would fix this.

But if you don't mind me asking what was your original plan for this?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Silentcook » Sun Nov 16, 2014 5:46 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:But if you don't mind me asking what was your original plan for this?
I'd like to point out that discussing this publically would be a very good example of tipping your hand too early.

To be absolutely clear, that wouldn't be against the forum rules in any way, shape or form: it would just make me facepalm hard enough to cause myself a mild concussion.
Shattering your dreams since '94.

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by brythain » Sun Nov 16, 2014 6:07 am

Silentcook wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:But if you don't mind me asking what was your original plan for this?
I'd like to point out that discussing this publically would be a very good example of tipping your hand too early.

To be absolutely clear, that wouldn't be against the forum rules in any way, shape or form: it would just make me facepalm hard enough to cause myself a mild concussion.
The alternative is to start killing people off so that they ask you if you're GRRM in disguise.
Then they think you've tipped your hand until... you haven't.
And it remains untipped for a long, long while.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden » Sun Nov 16, 2014 12:01 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Oh, you don't have to cover him taking the retest - simply changing the final line of the chapter would fix this.

But if you don't mind me asking what was your original plan for this?
My original plan was nothing because it was nearing a week since the last update and It completely slipped my mind to wrap that plot point up.
Silentcook wrote: I'd like to point out that discussing this publically would be a very good example of tipping your hand too early.

To be absolutely clear, that wouldn't be against the forum rules in any way, shape or form: it would just make me facepalm hard enough to cause myself a mild concussion.
Don't worry. I'll try not to spoil anything abou the plot. Anyway, I think we're going to be adding Hisao taking the test to the end of Part 3, possibly making Part 3 a '3' parter due to the length. Thanks guys for giving advice about the story! We do listen.

Edit: Alright, we added it to the end of Part 3.

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