Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated 10/2/15]

WORDS WORDS WORDS


User avatar
Bradycardia
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:02 pm
Location: United States

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route

Post by Bradycardia »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
I don’t care much for the upcoming winter.
The oak grew and grew in my sight, almost consuming my entire vision. Behind the tree, the night sky was radiant. Little dots of white light scattered across a sea of darkness, illuminating the clearing.
Not much to say about the characters and the story yet, but you're off to a good start.
Thanks for the help! I went back and fixed it as well as I could, along with a few other things. I appreciate the call outs! The next part should be uploaded shortly, we're just finishing some things up.
Five.
User avatar
Bradycardia
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:02 pm
Location: United States

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route

Post by Bradycardia »

Act 2 Part 1: Tidal Locking

Light broke through the blinds, stretching across the bed and landing right in my face. I groan, pulling up the paltry covers, desperate for a few more moments of sweet, sweet slumber. The warm rays are relentless, somehow still managing to attack me underneath my soft cotton defense.

Moments later, my alarm clock begins screaming into my ear. If the light wasn't enough, now the screeching black box by my bed is beckoning me to wakefulness, as well as making me partially deaf in my right ear. Outstanding.

Despite all my desires to stay in my comfy bed, I reach up and slap my alarm clock, postponing the wailing sound for another 24 hours. I toss the blankets off of me and sit up, balancing groggily on the edge of my bed before standing up and searching for the bag containing my shower supplies.

I’m not exactly certain, but I’m pretty sure this is a sin. 8 deadly ones, right? There’s Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, Sloth, and having school the day after a festival.

I find the bag and walk out of my bedroom, stepping into the quiet, empty hallway. I'm half tempted to see if Kenji remembers anything at all from the previous night, but decide against it. My morning doesn't need a hung over conspiracy theorist ranting on about how he was drugged by feminists.

He probably doesn't remember anyway. Last time I saw him he looked like he was halfway between passed-out and comatose.

Turning away from my room, I reach the end of the hallway and enter the male's shower room, dropping my stuff down on the benches and turning on the hot water. This is probably the best part of my day. Stepping into the torrent of warm water, I grab my shower bag and begin ruffling through it, pulling out the necessary shampoos and soaps. The warm rivulets of refreshing water seemingly heal the fatigue and trauma of getting up in the morning.

I could stay here forever. Then again, obligations of life and what-not. Plus, I’d prefer not to be found a bloating corpse in the shower.

I step out of the hot water, moving over to the sink to finish the morning ritual. I look into the mirror above the faucet, my own reflection looking as strange and foreign as the rest of the students here. I trace my finger down the length of my scar, remembering the pain. How long has it been? Six, maybe seven months? I lost count. It still has a cold, alien feel to it, as if my own body is rejecting the new formation.

I finish up, and pull on a white T-shirt and shorts, pack up my shower supplies, and head back to my dorm room, making sure to close the door quietly as to not bother the aspiring psychopath next door. Well, maybe just ‘psychopath’.

I stretch my back after the door closes shut, my spine giving an audible pop, and I place myself in-front of the open closet. Six pairs of identical green fabric stare back at me. I guess the school hoped that everyone’s favorite colour was a light pastel verde. I turn right and squint, trying to see through the blinds. A couple of the trees bore red leaves, a testament to the upcoming fall.

Looking at the leaves swaying gently in the breeze reminds me of last night, and by extension Aoi. I can’t blame myself for thinking about her though, as that was pretty much the only interaction this entire week that I didn’t completely screw up. She never mentioned what year she was in, but I haven’t seen her on the third floor during my time here, so she must be a lower class student.

Strangely, she didn’t look like a second-year. Maybe she was held back, I’m not exactly certain. She seemed nice enough though, and much more easygoing than some of the other less approachable students I have met during my time here. It probably helps me more than it helps her.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I pull on my button-up shirt and grab my tie, fastening it around my neck with practiced perfection.

Flipping the tail into the keeper loop of my necktie, I turn to look at myself in the mirror. I swat at the lock of hair near the top of my head that never wants to be brushed down. A thought briefly crosses my mind of cutting it off, but perhaps I look better as the ‘approachable dork’ than someone with actual repute.

I shut the closet door, brushing down the surface of my shirt in the process. Looking around to make sure everything is in order, I grab my books off the nearby desk and open the door to the hallway.

“Wha…” Is the only thing I’m able to say once I comprehend what’s in-front of me.

Kenji’s door is wide open, with a strange liquid trail leading into the room, taking a sharp right at the bathroom door. It doesn’t take me long to determine the liquid, thanks to it’s pungent odor. Cardboard boxes are scattered everywhere, and it seems he has knocked quite a few other things over in his stupor.

Debris and refuse litter the floor, crushed energy drink cans and snack boxes galore. To complete the picture, he somehow managed to shove the mattress off of the bed frame against the edge of the door, blocking the entrance aside from a tiny crack which is barely big enough to fit a mouse, let alone me.

I’m not sure if this is the normal state of his room, or if I’m looking at some serious damage done in the past six hours. I must’ve been knocked out if I slept through this disaster.

I tiptoe past his door, avoiding the room as if it was a portal straight to hell, which it very well might be. Once I am far enough away from his room, I break into a brisk walk, skipping down the steps, through the commons, and out the door nearest to the school building. I pass by a few students mulling about, none of them looking particularly happy about the days classes.

I have a good feeling about this day for some odd reason. Maybe things will turn out alright.

Maybe it's just positive superstition.

●●●

Class drags on as usual, with Mutou scribbling equations and chemical functions on the board while going on about the types of chemicals used in food processing plants. Something something, carbon 6, something. Equations litter the board, no end nor beginning in sight.

Aside from his boring lecture, I pick up the notes easily, understanding a good amount of the lesson without paying much attention to Mutou's ramblings. It certainly does help

Before he finishes his sentence about the process of meat sterilization, he is cut off by the lunch bell, and a shared sigh of a relief emanates through the class. Thank God it’s over. If I were to be stuck here another minute I might’ve considered taking a headlong leap out the window. Death by Mutou.

I pick up my bag and exit the room with the rest of the students, most of which have busied themselves hurrying to get to the cafeteria. Only one student stays behind, simply because it seems she has fallen asleep on her desk. I’ve seen her doze off in class before. It’s a surprise that Mutou doesn’t reprimand her like the rest of the lazy students. Then again, there might be reasons for that...

Well, unlike yesterday my stomach doesn’t feel like ground-zero of a demon summoning, so I guess I’ll skip lunch. I head down the opposite hallway and make my way towards the library, dodging the students who fly by on their way towards the cafeteria. When I arrived here, it didn't take long for me to figure out that the arguably "good" food is only warm in the first five minutes after the bell rings. After that it turns as cold as the air just outside of your blanket on a frigid winters morning.

I turn down the last stretch of the hallway and enter the school's library. Warm sunlight leaks through the windows above the tall bookcases and bath the room in a smooth yellow. I look around for Yuuko, but she is no where to be seen. She is probably the only other person I haven't totally pissed off yet, of course there's always time for that later. Well… no. After that incident with Hanako she probably thinks I’m thick-skulled.

I walk up to the front desk, quickly scanning behind the desk for any sign of the jumpy librarian. Seeing no sign of life, I hit the "hey-you-have-visitors!" bell with the top of my hand. It's not a moment later that I hear a loud, wooden bang, along with what sounded like a chair falling to the carpeted floor. The quick pitter-patter of footsteps reached my ears.

"Coming coming!"

Yuuko turns the corner, launching herself towards the counter. Her hair, which was pulled into a bun, was in shambles. Her attire was in the same condition, wrinkled as if she had just woken up from an abrupt meeting with the floor. Her characteristic ‘librarian glasses’ were absent.

Was she sleeping?

"I wasn't asleep! I swear! Please don't tell my boss I was asleep she'll fire me!"

I guess I was right. Yuuko begins to come to her senses, feverishly devoting her attention to finding her glasses, apologizing way too much while she does so. Once she produces a pair from a drawer, she finally looks at me, blushing until her face was as red as an apple.

"Oh! Hisao! I'm so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I just sort of sat down and passed out, heh!"

I can almost see her twitching as she tries to fit bits of loose hair back into her bun. I think it would be best to move away from this topic, Anything would work.

"It's fine, it happens to the best of us. I was wondering if you had any new books in yet."

Yuuko finishes fixing her hair, her face going blank for a moment before snapping back into attention.

"Books? New books? Yeah we have new books!"

She shoots me an honest smile, turns around, looks down at the floor, and then stops. Yuuko slowly turns around to the front of the library. She looks up at the clock, and her face goes pale white.

Uh-oh.

"We have new books! I fell asleep! I was supposed to put the new books up! Oh-my-God-I'm-going-to-get-fired!"

She ducks under the counter, grabbing a large crate of books and moving with what can only be described as a half trip half run, she dives out the small door that serves as an exit to the counter.

It's one panic attack after another. The school doesn't accept mental students, but I think Yuuko may have a bad case of hyperactivity. Is that even a disorder? Evidentally it wasn’t much of a problem, as they still hired her regardless.

I follow her to the back, making sure to pick up the books trailing behind her like bread crumbs. I turn the corner, peeking past a bookshelf to see Yuuko shoving books into the shelves, not caring whether or not they fit

"Do you need any help?"

She jumps, I forgot that she might be a bit focused on the task at hand.

"Hisao! Help? Sure, y-you can help if you want! I mean I could really use it, but only if you want to help! Help sounds good, yeah!"

Alrighty then. I walk forward picking up a handful of books from the cart. Andrew Klavan. Never heard of him before. With a curt nod towards Yuuko, I walk off in search of the corresponding section

●●●

After what seems like an eternity, the stacks of books begin to dwindle to next to nothing. I have my own stack of books as well, picking the books that seemed interesting out of the pile to save for later, and to save time. Once all the books had been placed, Yuko sat back behind the counter and sighed, probably as exhausted as I am.

I sign out my books and head back to class. The halls are empty, and I dread that I missed the next class. I stop in-front of the door, looking through the window my fears are confirmed, Mutou is already teaching the classroom.

I sigh, and open up the door and walk quickly to my seat, ignoring the annoyed look from Mutou on the way. Shaking it off, Mutou continues on with his lesson, and the sleeping girl is still, unsurprisingly, asleep. It doesn't seem like much has changed at all in my absence.

Mutou finishes up his lesson on the different types of carbon, and hands out papers to each of the rows. The paper gets to my desk, and my hands go cold All the blood drains from my face, and my stomach twists itself into a knot.

Oh no.

No not now. I have had a good day, don't ruin it for me now.

I'm not ready to die.

At the top of the page, written in the soul sealing letters of Satan himself, the words 'Carbon: Group Project' are scrawled into the paper.

Don't look don't look.

I look, turning my head to face the two individuals that had already busied themselves dragging a third desk closer to them, making some sort of an island for studying and pain. For a moment I stay in my seat, fixing my eyes on the paper to avoid eye contact with the two girls across the room.

I sneak a glance at them, Shizune working on the assignment, and Misha staring at me, with an almost hurt expression on her face. I awkwardly wave, and she continues to pout, crushing my soul in the process.

Come on Hisao. Don’t do this.

I, slowly, grudgingly, stand up, grab the necessary supplies from my desk, and make my way over to the two girls who are now both staring at me intensely. I dump my supplies on the third desk and sit down. Shizune, who had looked away, was now engrossed in the assignment, and Misha was looking at me with a peculiar expression on her face.

This all seems very familiar. Again I glance out the window, prepared to take a headlong dive to almost certain death.

But much like last time, that isn't my best option

“Wahaha~ Hiichan, why so down?”

It's not entirely a hard question to answer. I kicked them out of my room. I was rude, all because I couldn't tell them the truth. Even now that I have come to the likes of it, I still don't know if I have the courage to tell them what the real problem is. Do they even want to know?

I remember the look on their faces as they were leaving my room. They didn't deserve for me to yell at them like that. I look back at them, noticing Misha's reserved face. Shizune isn't looking like she is in the best mood either. Both look almost… regretful..

"Are you two mad at me?"

Misha raises her eyebrows quizzically.

"Why would we be mad at you?"

The question strikes me as odd. Why wouldn't they? I kicked them out of my room! I avoided joining the student council! They have every reason to hate me, especially after treating me so well.

Shizune begins to sign away, her hands moving so fast I can see only a blur where her fingers should have been. Misha looks at her hands, her face drooping into an even deeper frown than before. Whatever Shizune is signing can't be good.

"It was my fault you got so angry. If it wasn't for my prying maybe you wouldn't of had to kick us out."

Misha pauses to watch the rest of Shizune's signing, which seems to have slowed down.

"I forgot that sometimes personal questions are better left unanswered, and I am deeply sorry. It was not my place to search your room like that."

Misha stops, looking over to Shizune to see if her statement was complete. Shizune, who had folded her hands politely gazed at me over the rims of her glasses. That's as close to an apology as I'm gonna get, and it is a marginally higher step up than getting yelled at for a whole period, which is what I expected to happen.

"It's fine. I shouldn’t have over reacted anyway." I say, the truth revealed. Everything I said that day I meant, but I didn't realize how wrong I was.

"I guess I have been so caught up in my self-loathing ever since I got here I never got the chance to actually thank you guys. Instead I yelled at you and kicked you out."

I look down at my desk in shame.

"And that was wrong of me. I'm sorry."

Misha signs this to Shizune, and she raises her hands to retort, but decides otherwise. She folds her hands over one another again and gives me a faint, genuine smile.

Misha laughs, breaking the silence.

"Wahaha~ Hiichan, we all make mistakes! That's what people do! We may not mean everything we say, but we still say it! And friends always forgive and forget! Shiichan and I would know that most of all! So forget about it, since you've already been forgiven!"

She says 'Shiichan and I would know that most of all' with a tinge of sorrow in her voice. I can't help but think that maybe I'm not the only one with secrets, despite the fact that she also said it with a huge grin on her face.

Regardless, the word 'friends' sticks in my head.

Maybe I'm not so alone after all.

"Thanks." I say, with as much gratitude as I could handle, and I brandish the most genuine smile that I could muster. Despite the fact that this has gone much better than I had expected, its still awkward, and I try and move onto another topic.

I notice the blank piece of paper we have managed to neglect up until this point.

"So what's the assignment over?"

●●●

I open the door leading out to the front of the school building. The sun is setting, and the warm light dances over the tops of the trees. I head towards the track, hoping that Emi may still be there. After my time with Shizune and Misha, I feel like I owe her an apology. Maybe I’m getting better. Maybe I won’t spend the entire school year as a social pariah.

That’s a lot of ‘maybes’

With this newfound pseudo confidence, I walk forward, walking past all manner of exhausted and tired looking students heading towards the safety of their dorm rooms. I almost wish I was one of them. As much as I know it’s good for me, that doesn’t mean I don’t dread the concept of pushing my own limits for thirty minutes.

Despite what I know is coming, I continue onward, walking until the track is right in my line of sight. Even from here I can see someone running, but the figure is much too tall to be Emi. Plus, the significant presence of legs tips me to believe that I’m not dealing with the ‘I can’t believe she’s not twelve!’ girl. I walk until I am right at the edge of the bleachers, and I notice that someone else is here with me.

A girl is already here, sitting on the edge of the bleachers and writing on a small notepad. Her cobalt hair barely reaches her shoulders, instead opting to barely brush the bottom of her neck. She glances up, not noticing me, but watching the sprinting boy carefully. In her other hand she holds a small stop watch, her finger is resting on a particular button..

Is she timing him?

The boy rounds the corner, approaching them at a speed rivaling most savannah wildlife. As he runs near I can see the look of pure determination in his eyes. The girl leans forward slightly, observing a particular line on the rubber track. Just as the boy crosses the finish line etched onto the tarmac, she quickly hops up, hands fully raised into the air.

“Way to go Haruhiko!” She exclaims. I don’t need to be in-front of her to see the smile on her face.

She bounds down the bleachers two at a time, and rushes over to the boy who is now on the ground panting heavily. It looks like that session wasn’t as easy as he made it look. She helps him up to his haunches, and hugs him tightly, nearly knocking off the peculiar hairband dead-set in his brown hair.

‘You did it! Check it out!”

She holds the stopwatch up to his face. For a moment he sits there, utterly astounded, but after a moment his face lights up with a bright smile.

“Ha ha! I got it! I beat my time!”

He jumps up, hugging the girl back. This exchange is all very foreign to me. One of the reasons being my hospital stay, the other being my crippling lack of enthusiasm for running. I just don’t see the appeal of nearly-dying for thirty minutes every day.

Maybe I have an excuse, maybe I don’t.

“Ewww, Haruhiko! You’re all sweaty!” The cat-like grin on her face suggests that she may not be entirely serious.

He leans off her a bit, apologizing curtly before grabbing the stopwatch and examining it closely, like a prized trophy. The girl quickly stands up, pushing herself off Haruhiko and walking towards the bleachers.

“Here, I’ll go get you some-”

She spots me, and I imagine I look a bit weird having been watching the two for a while now. Greaaat... They should give me a record for how quickly I can ruin social situations.

“-water”

I rub the back of my neck nervously, and for the life of me I can’t think of anything ‘interesting’ or ‘cool’ to say to make this less awkward. Guess I’ll just go with the standard apology.

“Heh, sorry to intrude. I was looking for someone.”

Her face lightens up a bit. Despite the feeling being not all that new, I can’t help but feel glad that I haven’t totally ruined the moment.

“Oh it’s no trouble at all! Just surprised me a little!” She gives a curt giggle and points to a spot on the bleachers.

“Heh, could you toss me that real fast?”

I look over to see a small squirt bottle sitting next to the notepad the girl was using. I reach up and grab it, noticing that it is nearly empty. These two must have been out here for a while, I wonder why I haven’t seen them out here before. I secure the cap on the bottle and toss it to the girl who catches it deftly in the air. She begins walking over to the exhausted boy on the ground who is still enveloped in the time on the stopwatch.

Must have been a damn good time. Another emotion I’m not exactly privy to.

I step forward a bit awkwardly, hoping to spot Emi somewhere around here. To my dismay, I am left alone with the two strangers with no sign of Emi anywhere.

I’m not sure if I should be happy or sad about this. I’m not sure what to feel at this point.

The girl hands the bottle over to Haruhiko, who takes it and drains it in one squirt. She observes the boy for a bit before turning around.

“So, I assume you came out here to run?” The question catches me off-guard, and I find myself struggling for a few moments before answering.

“Something like that. I’m looking for my running partner, but it doesn’t look like she’s out here.” To prove my point, I took another scan of the entire field. Still no sign of the legless ball of energy. ‘The fastest thing on no legs’ as she calls herself.

"Are you Hisao?"

The question strikes me by surprise, and I try to keep any expression of pure dread off my face. Was Emi talking about me? If so I can't imagine it was anything good.

"Uh, yeah. How did you-?" My blundering only serves to snap the boy, Haruhiko, out of his post-workout trance, and he turns to me, amused smile decorating his features. The girl giggles to herself slightly.

"Emi talked about you. Skipping morning practices are we?" Her face contorts into a cat-like grin that made my broken heart freeze over.

My stomach turns in a knot. I haven't been here a full two weeks yet and I already have a name for myself as a slacker. Wonderful. Again the girl breaks the silence with a giggle, walking back around to take the water bottle from Haruhiko. He absentmindedly handed the bottle to her, keeping his eyes trained on me.

"She went looking for you today to chew you out I think. She couldn't find you at lunch, so she asked around to see if anyone knew where you were."

Persistent much? I am not sure if I should be scared or honored that Emi skipped her own lunch looking for me. I wonder if I can afford cross-oceanic travel on my paltry budget.

"Oh wow. I had no idea she was looking for me. I was in the library helping Yuuko." Again, I reached up to rub the back of my neck. If I had a nervous tic, it was evidently that.

The girl raises her eyebrow quizzically.

"What were you doing in the library during lunch?"

Honestly, that's a question I didn’t want to even ask myself. Who would I have sat with? I'm sure Lilly wouldn’t have held me as a host again, not after what I said. Emi was already mad enough at me, and Shizune and Misha were...

Well who knows what they were thinking. I still haven't processed what happened earlier.

"I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I'm still pretty new."

The cold hard truth is revealed. Hisao Nakai, all alone at Yamaku with no friends in sight. At least I have made amends with Shizune and Misha, and given that Emi was actually searching for me means that she hasn't just chalked me up as a lost cause. Lilly, though, is a whole other can of worms. Will she be able to forgive me after what I did?

"You don't have many friends here yet, do you?"

This question, oddly, came from Haruhiko, who had just now stood up. The stopwatch hung around his neck, dangling from a small, black rope. The one question that I had always asked myself, yet never took seriously. I suppose it was time for someone to speak it out-loud.

Am I that easy to see through?

"Well, no, it's not that, it's just..." The girl sticks her finger up forcing me into silence.

"Don't say another word! We totally get it! My best friend is new this year too!" ...a first-year? I know enough that I shouldn’t associate myself with first-years.

She pauses for a moment, looking down at her feet. She balances on her heels and puts her hands behind her back. It's pretty adorable, actually.

"Say, Nakai..."

Oh boy.

"-would you like..."

Here it comes.

"-to have lunch with us tomorrow?"

There it is.

"We could introduce you to some people! Maybe get you on your feet a bit. A lot of the kids here at Yamaku are kinda hard to get along with." Her face contorts slightly at the last bit of that sentence.

That's an understatement. My mind quickly flashes back to my many hallway conversations with Kenji. Then again, he’s probably the worst example here.

"So! Wadd'a'ya say? See you tomorrow?" Her straightforwardness catches me almost completely off guard, and I am left speechless. No social gymnastics? No bending over backward? What’s the catch?

"Uhh-"

"Great! See you tomorrow Hisao!"

Wait, what?

"Wait, what?"

The words in my head slide right off my tongue before I get the chance to say otherwise. The girl grabs Haruhiko's hand and bounds off past me, heading towards the dormitories. They pass me before I can completely process what just happened. The boy gives me a sympathetic look and a shrug as she pulls him past me, turning back to try and free his hand from her death grip.

She’s running off now, it’s now or never.

“What’s your name?!” I call after her.

"Keiko Nakano, but you can just call me Keiko!" She yells back as she escapes into the distance. Eventually they burst through the doors of the school, leaving me alone with my thoughts next to the cold, empty bleachers.

What on Earth have I got myself into?
Last edited by Bradycardia on Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:02 am, edited 4 times in total.
Five.
AntonSlavik020
Posts: 607
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:03 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by AntonSlavik020 »

For some reason I had forgotten about Keiko. She seems...excitable so far.

Also, it's nice to see Hisao make up with the girls, even if they won't have a major impact on the story. Really liked the talk he had with Shizune and Misha, as short as it was.

Also also, "unlike yesterday my stomach doesn’t feel like ground-zero of a demon summoning," was hilarious. One of the funniest lines I've read in a while.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
User avatar
Mohn_Jadden
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:44 pm

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden »

AntonSlavik020 wrote:For some reason I had forgotten about Keiko. She seems...excitable so far.

Also, it's nice to see Hisao make up with the girls, even if they won't have a major impact on the story. Really liked the talk he had with Shizune and Misha, as short as it was.

Also also, "unlike yesterday my stomach doesn’t feel like ground-zero of a demon summoning," was hilarious. One of the funniest lines I've read in a while.
Thanks, I write most of the humor in these. Brady's better at writing dialogue.

Anyway, updates might become a little sporadic, as Brady's having computer troubles (read: mobo is fucked) so he's writing on his phone. We'll do our best to continue forth with this. It helps that we have alot of the future stuff planned out.
User avatar
Bradycardia
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:02 pm
Location: United States

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Bradycardia »

AntonSlavik020 wrote:Really liked the talk he had with Shizune and Misha, as short as it was.
Because I wrote all of my part all on my phone, when I'm writing I really can't judge how much I have written. What to me looks and feels like a super long conversation between characters really becomes just two short lines of text on the final post. I have gone back and extended the interaction as best I could. Thanks for the call out!
Five.
User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6212
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mirage_GSM »

How long has it been? Six, maybe seven months? I lost count.
Probably around four. He arrives at Yamaku in the beginning of June. It's not quite clear when the heart attack was, but I assume end of January, beginning of February.
Well, maybe just ‘psychopath’.
Why psychopath? Kenji may have all kinds of mental problems, but I've never seen psychopathy listed among them^^°
A couple of the trees bore red leaves, a testament to the upcoming fall.
Déjà vu here... Summer is just getting started.
I look around for Yuuko...
Yuuko turns the corner,
This is getting really good. I especially like that you don't seem to focus too much on Hisao and the main girl (in this case Aoi) but instead introduce a few secondary characters (Keiko and Haruhiko - plus maybe Shizune, Misha and Emi). Always a good sign if authors go the extra mile to do that.
Hisao might have mentioned having seen Haruhiko in his class, though.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
User avatar
Mohn_Jadden
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:44 pm

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden »

Mirage_GSM wrote: This is getting really good. I especially like that you don't seem to focus too much on Hisao and the main girl (in this case Aoi) but instead introduce a few secondary characters (Keiko and Haruhiko - plus maybe Shizune, Misha and Emi). Always a good sign if authors go the extra mile to do that.
Hisao might have mentioned having seen Haruhiko in his class, though.
We're going to introduce one more that'll play a role in the story, but we're trying to keep the cast of characters simple, so the reader isn't left wondering when we namedrop someone we mentioned once in the beginning halfway through the story.
User avatar
Bradycardia
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:02 pm
Location: United States

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Bradycardia »

Act 2 Part 2: Aerobraking

I don’t know how to describe it.

It's like I can always feel it. It's constricting yet sharp at the same time, and takes my breath away when it decides it wants to screw stuff up. I can hear my heartbeat in class, and I can feel it thumping hard against the inside of my chest. Sometimes I find myself clenching there because of it, feeling the jagged scar through the fabric of my shirt. My mind wandering back to that day.

I’ve heard the phrase before. “Everyone is born with a hole inside them, and they chose what to fill it with." Some fill it with possessions, hobbies, even other people. It sounds like a kid’s story, but it’s only when you can perceive your own emptiness that you realize it’s much more than that. Is life just filled with times that we look back on and regret not seizing the moment?

As much as the part of me least affected by the past few months tells me I shouldn’t think like this, I can’t help it. Even the last few weeks have been filled with moments I regret. I just hope its not too late to fix them.

And so here I am. Squinting as the first rays of sunlight burst through my blinds and hit my face. This almost feels the exact same as yesterday. I wonder if tomorrow will be like this.

I groan, flipping off my light, well aware that I shouldn’t be up this early, but I want to beat her to the track. My track shorts are, still, a bit too short to be comfortable, and my shirt hangs loosely from my shoulders. I wonder if the school board threw darts to determine my clothing sizes.

My body screams at me to not do this, but I pay it no mind. I’ve put this off for far too long.

I walk out into the hallway, skip down the steps, and exit the front doors of the boys dormatories. The trees sway with a gentle breeze, and the grass glistens with the damp morning dew. The damp concrete muffles my footsteps as I walk down an empty path towards my personal hell. At least it’s not on fire.

The pressure behind my eyelids only increases as I go on. I fight off thoughts of collapsing on the sidewalk and becoming a ‘welcome’ rug to the people who decided that getting a good nights sleep was a better idea than nearly killing yourself on the track for thirty minutes.

I walk forward, following the paved walkways before cutting off and jogging towards the track. As I expected, the bleachers are abandoned, and the track is empty. Good for me, I still have time. Time before… what exactly? Even I don’t know what to expect from this.

I place my water bottle on the bleachers and begin stretching, going through the motions slowly, as to not hurt myself too much before Emi punishes me even more.

I’m going to be found in a ditch by the end of today, aren’t I?

I finish up my stretches, listening to the beat of my heart as it slows down to an even 'rhythm' if you could even call it that. It's about as rhythmic as a middle school marching band at full sprint.

I ease my aching muscles and sit down on the bleachers, waiting for Emi to get here. Sure enough, after a brief few moments the legless wonder' jogs towards the track, slowing down as she nears the bleachers.

"Hi Emi."

She slows down to a casual walk, her running blades gliding over the wet grass. I can only imagine how surprised she might be at my brashness of actually showing up. I know I am.

"Nice of you to show up!" She says. I can't help but notice the sarcasm in her voice, yet it was still said with the bubbly positivity that I have come to expect from Emi. She looks down at her wrist, presumably at an imaginary watch.

"You're a bit early though. Forget what time we run in your extended absence?"

Emi adopts a scowl, for the life of me I can’t think of any time that I’ve ever seen her frown.

Just roll with it.

"I forgot my watch. And yeah, I decided that maybe a run was in order. Besides, I need to talk to you. You mind if I join you?"

She smirks, raising her arm towards the track in an open gesture.

"Sure. But this time you aren't going to chicken out on me, right? I've been lonely since you decided running wasn't cool enough for you." She pouted, giving me a look that could be a cross between puppy dog eyes and a growl. Its terrifyingly adorable, despite the word 'chicken' stinging my confidence.

So she thinks I just chickened out on her, eh? Maybe she's right, but if anything that just fuels my want to prove her wrong even more. If I even can. I dunno if I can compete with someone who has literal springs for legs.

Still, its not just a 'want' anymore. Its a need. This is my chance to prove myself, not just to Emi, but to myself as well. Ever since I got here my self image has been lower than low, and my confidence strides behind it. Maybe I could use a bit of a pick-me-up, and getting in shape would definitely help with that, not to mention it would be good for my heart.

It’s either a runner’s high or columbian-cut cocaine. I’m feeling the relatively more ‘healthy’ option today.

That is, as long as I don't push myself too hard. However, I can't see Emi letting me take it easy today, especially after my absence.

"No promises." I retort. Just because I have burning determination doesn't mean that I need to reveal my hand too early. Starting off a long day by nearly killing myself? Is there no better option?

"How long do you think we'll be running?" I ask, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice. I don't think it worked.

"Ohhhh, I dunno Hisao-!" It didn’t work. She swings around the side of the bleachers, eyeing me playfully. For some reason it reminds me of a cheetah eyeing up it’s prey. I suppose that’s as good a description as any.

"You nervous?" The nearly omnipresent smile on her face seems almost… threatening now. It’s kinda creeping me out.

"Should I be?" She giggles, and despite it being so sweet and innocent sounding, I know it was probably due to the pain I will be feeling in the next half an hour. Her eyes say 'You’re gonna feel the pain.' like she’s some kinda two-bit wrestler.

"That's for you to find out, Nakai. Now let me stretch! We need to get moving!"

She quickly turns on her heel, a metallic scraping sound emerging from the concrete underneath her. Emi bends down, and begins to stretch next to the black pavement of the track. I avert my eyes to stare at the tree line for a moment. I resist the urge to look back.

God her shorts are tighter than mine. I don’t know if you can even consider them ‘shorts’. More like glorified underwear.

She finishes stretching and steps onto the track, getting down into a runner's pose. I do the same, trying my best to mimic her position. It takes some doing, but eventually I feel as if I'm ready, like a loaded gun or a compressed spring.

Or like a ticking time-bomb, depending on how you look at it.

"You ready?" She asks, keeping her eyes forward.

"No." I swallow, savoring the feeling of a not-fucked-up throat.

"Great!"

She shoots off like a rocket, speeding down the side of the track in full sprint. I shoot out of my pose as well, lurching myself forward in order to gain momentum. I don’t have to look down to know that I run like a person falling sideways.

Its utterly pointless. By the time I am half way past the first straight of the track she has already turned the first corner. I can't help but notice how gracefully she runs. The speed and agility she shows is matched by her grace, sliding each blade forward and backwards in perfect unison.

If Emi has the grace of a ballerina while running, I must be like a sloth, or even an incredibly obese person trying to ride a mini skateboard.

I turn the first curve of the track, already slightly panting from the effort. God I'm out of shape. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, trying to get it to steady.

My heart beats fast and irregularly, sounding more and more like a drunken percussion band on acid. If anyone in this school would be the death of me, its Emi. Hell, she already almost gave me another heart attack in the hallway.

And from the looks of it, another one isn’t too far ahead.

Before I know it, I'm finishing my second lap. Maybe I'm not as out of shape as I thought! With my added boost of confidence, I pick up my pace ever so slightly.

Tac tac tac

"There we go Hisao!" Her cheerful voice rings out, and I can’t help but notice the doppler effect.

Emi passes me up, a blur of white and red. I feel wind brush against my cheek as her ponytails flip behind her like a flag on a fast moving car. Whatever confidence I had in myself slowly drains away with the rest of my pride.

She's amazing! And… ergo, I’m horrible.

I close my eyes again, slowly working my breathing back into a rhythm. I finish my third lap, already feeling the pain in my legs and the soreness in my lungs. My heart beats on the inside of my chest like Muhammed Ali on a punching bag.

Kill me.

I look ahead, the last stretch of the mile lies before me. Sweat beads on the edge of my hair, and some runs into my eyes. It stings, but I’m several hundred steps past caring.

This is it, just finish this. Emi bounces up and down on her prosthetics, seemingly untouched by the run.

"Come'on Hisao! Finish strong!" It’s almost like a siren song to my exhausted brain.

Finish strong. Finish strong. Despite my body telling me to stop, my mind overpowers it, making my legs kick faster beneath me. Finish strong. My mind becomes a single-track playing over and over again. The only complex thought was the thought of crossing that finish line.

The white line at the end of the track gets closer and closer to me. I am nearly there. Just mere feet away. Just a few more steps.

The world lurches toward me, and before I know it I embrace the cold, hard ground with my face. We’ve become close friends in the last few weeks. The pain quickly travels through my body, but that doesn’t bring me any fear.

Thump thump.

That does.

"Urk..." I clutch my chest, immediately regretting my decision to push myself past my limits. A sharp pain pierces my heart, like needles stuck into a pincushion. Maybe someone has a voodoo doll of me. With every damn pin they own pushed into my heart.

Thump thump.

"Hey, are you alright?." Her voice edges on concern, but it still retains it's sing-song like tone.

No, I'm not. The pain continues, my arms and legs going numb and cold. My throat stings as I cough up half a lung. No… make that a full lung.

Thump THUMP.

Each beat of my heart brings more pain. Emi rushes forward, getting on her hands and knees beside me. I can feel her resting a hand on my back, contorting her body to try and look at my face. In a much different state of mind I might’ve shied away from the attention.

"Just..."

I say through gritted teeth. The pain slowly slinking away from my chest. I regain some feeling in my arms, and raise them in a pitiful display to show I'm 'okay'. I can feel my arms shaking. That’s not good.

"-gimme a second..."

I close my eyes tight, doing everything in my power to regain control over my heart, which feels like absolutely nothing.

Thump...thump...

My heart returns to a normal pace. Beating gently inside my chest. I remain still for a moment, keeping my head tucked into my chest. Its just now that I realize Emi had been shaking me and yelling the whole time.

"Hisao talk to me!" Her voice fades in, being accepted by my ear once more.

I look up, making myself even more dizzy than before. I squint slightly as the morning sun hits my sensitive eyes. It almost burns.

"I'm good... I'm good. Just needed a second, that's all." I try flashing a smile to convince her, and more importantly myself, that I’m alright. I don’t need to see her face to know that it failed horribly.

I sit up, using Emi's shoulder for balance. Despite regaining most feeling in my legs, I still feel weak. Like a child.

I am weak, and I hate it.

I hate myself.

Again, the negativity from the last few days catches up with me, and I shake the thoughts from my mind. Maybe I can’t shake them from my mind. Maybe that’s my problem.

Nevertheless, I'm improving, despite feeling like I'm dying. I'm improving.

I stand up, using Emi again as a counter balance.

"Come'on, lets get you to the nurse." She nudges me forward as we begin to limp in the direction of the school building. My legs feel like they’re on fire, but my heart feels like it was pulled out of the icy depths. It’s nothing short of disconcerting.

"No, its-" I go to argue, but its no use. We are already walking towards the nurse's building. I can feel the icy chills that come from dreading yet another lecture from the nurse.

"Emi, I'm sor-" I don’t know why I said it. Maybe I owed her an apology for not living up to what was required of me, and then failing her when I did decide to come. Maybe it was more to myself.

"Shush!"

Her abruptness catches me off-guard, and I immediately close my mouth. I focus ahead, listening to the wind blow through the trees and the slow tapping of my footsteps, and the metallic clacking of hers.

I look up just in time to see the entrance to the nurse’s office.

This is gonna be a long day.

●●●

"Not good, Hisao."

The nurse places his papers on his desk, and turns around on his chair. He looks me dead in the eye, his usual smile now completely wiped from his face. Ah, the ‘serious nurse’, how I missed you.

"Not good at all."

Isn’t that an understatement. I’m aware that I nearly died, thank you. He sighs, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

"It's good that you have decided to run with Emi again, while I had thought you were too busy completely ignoring my advice."

No, I was just busy doing absolutely nothing. It’s quite an overbearing task when you think about it.

"However, you need to understand your limits. Sprinting the last 200 yards of a mile is definitely not within your boundaries, Mr. Nakai. You need to find out how far you can push yourself, and to stay well out of harms way of crossing that point."

I guess I was so into my runner’s high that I forgot that in fact, I have limits. I suppose I’ll have to go back to that cocaine idea I was thinking of earlier, it seems that even that would be healthier than running the track with Emi again.

He shifts in his chair, thinking of his next line.

"You aren't the only one at Yamaku with a heart disease, Hisao-"

He grimaces, breaking the constant emotionless face he had held earlier. A second later, he readopts the tiresome facade.

"And while she may still have a death wish, I hope you have enough sense to play it safe, and to be smart. We don't need you having any more issues ever, especially this early in the day."

I understand the lecture I am getting is for my own safety, and I know the nurse cares, but the thought of putting limitations on something that is designed to help me is beyond me.

Also, the thought of another student here with a condition similar to mine is news, and puts me off a little. Guess I’m not so special, unfortunately. I wish he had told me about her to begin with, but judging by the way he talked about her, she may not have listened to the nurse as well as he may have wanted. At least the nurse implied she’s still alive.

The nurse looks at me sternly, as I imagine he is reading my expression. I was never very good at hiding my emotions from my face. Quickly though, the mood in the room goes from depressing to optimistic. The nurse smiles, leaning forward to get closer to me, as if he is about to tell me the secret launch codes to a super secret government rocket. Thought with that face I’d rather not hear whatever he’s going to ask me.

"Were you trying to race Emi?"

The thought is foreign at first. I wasn't racing Emi, only trying to catch up. But then again, racing is pretty much just one person trying to catch up to another.

"Well, not really, but… yeah." The nurse leans back in his seat, satisfied by my badly worded answer.

"I see." He remarks. Winking his eye, he taps his chin with his pen and studies me, looking over me with routine speed.

The hell is that supposed to mean?

"You're free. Now get outta here."

He smiles, making sure I understand the joke in his words. I smile back, hopping off the table and placing my feet firmly on the ground, making sure I have all my strength back. A slight sting emanates from my chest as I do so, but nothing to be worried about.

"And Hisao-"

Nurse stops me before I reach the door. I turn to face him, his face still as calm and cool as usual, but there is an air of seriousness in his voice.

"Just...be careful, will ya?" He gives me a tired smile. I can only imagine how stressful it must be to be the head nurse at a school for disabled children. Then again, its also pretty stressful to be here as a student as well.

Maybe we could all use a vacation. ‘Vacation’, the word seems as far away as the nearest star system. Do I deserve one? Probably not, at least for now.

I nod to him and leave the office, stepping out to be met by Emi, who has busied herself fixing the hair tie on one of her ponytails. She takes notice of me as soon as I step out, and jumps up off her seat and practically hops over to me.

"Hisao! Are you okay?! What happened? What did the nurse say? Can you still run?" The barrage of questions catches me off-guard. Was she really that worried?

"Emi, calm down I'm fine. I just had a...well a sort of heart issue. He says I'm fine as long as I don’t push myself any harder."

She exhales slightly, clearing the tension that she had held up until then. I don’t know really how to take that. Is she glad that she didn’t completely mess me up? Maybe I should just be thankful that I didn’t die. Yeah, that seems like a good mindset right about now.

“Okay…” She trails off, her face flashing with a hundred conflicting emotions. Eventually she settles on one.

“Just try not to kill yourself next time, alright?” Her smile beams at me, and I’m surprised she can joke about it so soon after it happened. Then again, she is Emi.

“Heh, fine.” I say, trying my best to manage a weak smile. I half-ass it, as per usual. I sneak a peek to my watch to check the time.

An array of numbers I’d rather not see beams back at me. 9:50. Great. I’m late for science. And… son of a- was that test today? I try my best to recall specifics on the chapter. I’m pretty well-versed in the subject, if only by reading the textbook in my free-time. Which I had a lot of.

I’m screwed.

I look back up to see that Emi was looking at me. It seems she drew the same conclusion from my reaction alone.

“Guess we’re both late, huh?”

Emi shrugs. “I’m sure the teacher’ll understand.” She pauses for a few moments before adding “At least for you.”

She heads out the front door of the Nurse’s building, before turning and holding the door open. I can feel the cool morning air stream into the hallway, complete with a few leaves that tumble into the smooth floor of the hall.

"You coming?"

I shrug, trying to remain as nonchalant as I can.

"Should I be? I mean you're still not angry with me, right?"

She steps back inside, looking confused, or maybe angry, like I insulted one of her great ancestors. I give her as blank a stare as I could manage, trying to hide any emotions from showing on my face. She steps forward, shutting the door back. The cool morning breeze stops filtering the room, and soon the smell of clean sterilized air permeates through the hall.

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?"

Despite her more prominent characteristic of being a runner, it's clear that Emi isn’t thick-skulled. Then again, Yamaku has a pretty tough circiculum, so it makes sense that most students I encounter are pretty well versed.

"In a sense. I heard that you were looking for me."

I pause, thinking of the right words to use.

"I came to ask you why you were looking for me, but I think I know why, and I know its not just because you want a running partner. That much is clear."

Obviously. If that's all she wanted, she wouldn't have reacted the way she did. She looks down at the ground, tapping the tips of her prosthetics against the wall. I think she knows what I'm about to ask, but I have to know.

"So I guess the real thing I gotta ask is...why do you care? All I did was leave you out there, yet you still went looking for me."

She looks up, her face more serious than ever. She almost looks sad, like she has been caught doing something she regrets. Maybe that's exactly what happened. Maybe she does regret looking for me. I almost want to say I wish she wouldn't have, that I was doing 'fine' on my own.

However, given my less-than-stellar attempt I made today, I think we both know that I'm not in the greatest shape of my life. But that still doesn't answer the question of why she would care in the first place.

"There was another before you, ya know."

The answer catches me off guard, yet it's almost exactly what I expected. Yamaku isn’t a big school, but even with the amount of students here now there is no way that I am one of only two students who have a heart disease. There is a high chance that one of the students similar to me may have had an accident while here as well, and there's even a chance Emi was involved.

She looks at me with sad eyes. I know she probably doesn't share this with many people, but this information needs to come out.

"And he didn't care about his health either. He blew me off just like you did. Same goes for Rika." she continues. The addition of a strange name catches me off-guard, but I remain silent and listen. I can only imagine Rika being the individual that the nurse was talking about.

"And maybe I don’t want the same to happen to you."

She keeps her voice calm, yet it wavers a bit between each word. I almost regret asking, but this is information that shouldn't have been kept from me to begin with.

"You came here hating this place, I know it. You were so caught up with feeling sorry for yourself you forgot the reason you were sent here to begin with. It's the same reason any of us are here. It's because people do care, and they care enough to help you live the rest of your life as happily as you can."

That hit the nail on the proverbial head. I’m speechless.

She pauses again, standing up to her full height, which isn't much. Despite her handling the situation so calmly, I can tell she isn't comfortable giving this information out. Maybe she doesn't want to get real close with someone, but then again the way she acts around Rin is like she is family.

"So when I saw you acting like you didn't need to keep healthy, and you were acting like you didn't have a heart condition, and instead you chose to mope around all day, it pissed me off!"

Emi is practically yelling at this point. Her usually smiling face is now contorted into an emotion I’d never thought I’d see on her. It's so bizarre that she could go from being worried for me one second to being angry at me the next. I supposed I deserve it though.

Ever since I got here I imagined Yamaku as just another burden I had to deal with, much like my heart condition. I didn't sit back and think about all the effort the staff, and even the students here go through to make this place a normal environment for the people with not so normal lives.

So yeah, I guess it’s not surprising that I came off as a bit of a dick.

"I went looking for you so I could make you see what you were doing. I didn't think you would find out yourself, but when I saw you this morning you were different. You didn't seem like the same lost student as you were when you first got here."

She pauses, lighting up a little bit. Her voice retaining its regular tone again, and he posture loosening up.

"So I decided to let it slide. I was never mad at you, Hisao, I was disappointed that you didn't see the real opportunity you were given. And I say that because I do care."

She ends her lecture with that, taking in a deep breath and leaning up against the door again. Was my depression really that noticeable? I think back on when I first introduced myself to the class in room 3-3. I wonder if any of them noticed it too.

"But that doesn't mean you can stop running with me."

I look up, refocusing my attention on Emi. The quick turn of the conversation surprises me, and when I look at Emi, she is wearing the same devilish grin that is plastered on her face so often. Her grin is just as bright as usual, despite the recent serious conversation.

I guess that conversation is over, which I can't help but be thankful for. Emi turns again and opens the door, once more, the cool morning breeze blowing through the hall, filtering through my unkempt mess I consider ‘hair’

"That answer your question?"

I smile, it really did, even if it did leave me with even more questions than before.

Those can wait for another time.

"Yeah, thanks." I say, significantly humbled by Emi's speech.

"Well then lets get outta here. Nurse was probably listening in on our little soap opera this whole time."

I turn around to face the Nurse's office, just now noticing the slight crack in between the door and the door frame.

"Guilty as charged!"

"Jerk!" Emi shouts back, again pouting cutely.

"You're in my building missy! I can listen to who and what I want!"

Emi rolls her eyes, obviously used to the banter from countless times before.

"So you comin' or what?”
Five.
AntonSlavik020
Posts: 607
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:03 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by AntonSlavik020 »

Loved the conversation with Emi. It seems like it's the kick in the pants Hisao needed.

Also,
Bradycardia wrote:Well then lets get outta here. Nurse was probably listening in on our little soap opera this whole time."

I turn around to face the Nurse's office, just now noticing the slight crack in between the door and the door frame.

"Guilty as charged!"

"Jerk!" Emi shouts back, again pouting cutely.

"You're in my building missy! I can listen to who and what I want!"
Loved that. It's lines like that that make Nurse one of my favorite characters.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
coolpool2
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:12 pm

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by coolpool2 »

Very nice writing, I really enjoyed reading it. I like how you guys aren't just ignoring the main five girls or something like that.
User avatar
Oscar Wildecat
Posts: 479
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 7:28 pm
Location: A short drive west of Kingdom Come.

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Oscar Wildecat »

One of the things that stands out about this story so far is how you've given us a chance to really to get to know the Hisao Nakai of this story -- who he is, what separates him from the Hisaos that ended up on one of the cannon routes, and why we should care about him. It kinda plays into what Eurobeatjester had to say about writing Hisao here.

The thought put into this really makes the act of reading much more enjoyable. Thanks!
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” - Winston Churchill
Checkout SordidEuphemism's Logo Thread.
User avatar
Mohn_Jadden
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:44 pm

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden »

Oscar Wildecat wrote:One of the things that stands out about this story so far is how you've given us a chance to really to get to know the Hisao Nakai of this story -- who he is, what separates him from the Hisaos that ended up on one of the cannon routes, and why we should care about him. It kinda plays into what Eurobeatjester had to say about writing Hisao here.

The thought put into this really makes the act of reading much more enjoyable. Thanks!
I'll be honest. I don't really know what I'm doing. But hey, it's working and I'm writing something decent. Guess I'll keep it up!

Anyway, thanks for your feedback! It means alot to us both, helps two students get off their asses to write this.
User avatar
griffon8
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by griffon8 »

The problem I’m having with this route and the other pseudo-route that has been started is that they’re both really enjoyable, but I can see myself having difficulty keeping track of what happened in which story.

Was this the story where Hisao would have bad-ended by throwing Shizune and Misha out of his room, or by hiding the truth from Lilly? I can see questions like that coming up a lot.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing
User avatar
Mohn_Jadden
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:44 pm

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden »

griffon8 wrote:The problem I’m having with this route and the other pseudo-route that has been started is that they’re both really enjoyable, but I can see myself having difficulty keeping track of what happened in which story.

Was this the story where Hisao would have bad-ended by throwing Shizune and Misha out of his room, or by hiding the truth from Lilly? I can see questions like that coming up a lot.
Yeah, this story happens during an alternate Manly Picnic. We're gonna have the Main 5 girls somewhere in here.
User avatar
Mohn_Jadden
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:44 pm

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated: 11/

Post by Mohn_Jadden »

Sorry for the delay. I haven't seen Brady since friday and I'd prefer to show him what I've written before I post it.
Post Reply