After the Fall [Undergoing Major Rework]

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dewelar
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 16]

Post by dewelar »

Hmmm...this story is starting to get interesting now.

One thing I want to note, though, is that you shouldn't be capitalizing the word following an ellipsis unless it's meant to be a new sentence.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
CloudGrain
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 16]

Post by CloudGrain »

AntonSlavik020 wrote:Looks like Hisao is slowly allowing himself to become at least a little closer to the girls. I have to remember that this is the Hisao the closed himself away from everyone. Not sure how long this is going to go, or if he's going to end up dating anyone, though to be honest he probably just needs a friend or two more than anything right now.
I'm not sure if he's allowing himself to so much 'get closer', as he is realizing that maybe that bout of depression he faced during the Festival might not have been completely grounded in reality. Even if he screwed up with all of the girls in some way, he's still got the whole benefit of the doubt, being the new transfer student. But... I do suppose that he's indeed becoming a little closer because of it, possibly able to open up a bit more knowing that staying closed off isn't terribly successful. Not sure how long I'll keep this going either to be honest. Until it's at a point where I'm happy with it, I suppose. Hopefully will do some work on it tonight and tomorrow while traveling!
dewelar wrote:Hmmm...this story is starting to get interesting now.

One thing I want to note, though, is that you shouldn't be capitalizing the word following an ellipsis unless it's meant to be a new sentence.
Glad to be garnering some interest.

I'll have to remember that new grammatical factoid for later. Grammar has always been a contentious thing for me, understood just well enough to 'get by' without a true comprehension of most of the inner workings. I'll admit that I've always considered ellipsis to denote something of a 'pause beyond a full-stop', in much the same way that a comma is a 'pause below a full stop'. Only now have I come to realize that there are actually three different variations upon ellipsis, two of which I tend to use commonly in my writing. Before I begin to wander off the train of thought I had, thank you for pointing this out, and I'll certainly do my best to amend that interesting bit of grammar/punctuation where I use it in the future.

Learned something new and interesting today. :D
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 16]

Post by bhtooefr »

I gotta admit, I'm not at all surprised that Hanako was the one to take initiative and (gently) call Hisao out.

She may not know all the details about Hisao's fall, but she knows enough about it (and the aftermath of it) to have a pretty damn good idea of how he's feeling (having spent the past decade of her life feeling that way)... and, combined with her white knight tendencies (rooted in her desperation to be useful to someone), it was pretty much inevitable that she'd do that.

Also, I personally keep dialogue by the same character on the same line, even if it's broken up by a thought or an action, unless it naturally needs a paragraph break for other reasons. It helps with keeping everything consistent regarding who's talking.
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 16]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

CloudGrain wrote:I'll have to remember that new grammatical factoid for later. Grammar has always been a contentious thing for me, understood just well enough to 'get by' without a true comprehension of most of the inner workings. I'll admit that I've always considered ellipsis to denote something of a 'pause beyond a full-stop', in much the same way that a comma is a 'pause below a full stop'. Only now have I come to realize that there are actually three different variations upon ellipsis, two of which I tend to use commonly in my writing. Before I begin to wander off the train of thought I had, thank you for pointing this out, and I'll certainly do my best to amend that interesting bit of grammar/punctuation where I use it in the future.

Learned something new and interesting today. :D
Here's something else you might want to remember: It's not a factoid. It's a fact. (I guess if you absolutely had to you could call it a "factlet".)
"Factoid" means "similar to a fact" implying it is not true - the same as an android is similar to a human but not a true one and an asteroid is similar to a star but not a true one.

As for the ellipsis... Strictly it is could not be used this way at all. Its purpose is solely to represent omissions in condensed quotations. Using it to represent trailing off in a sentence or thought has been commonplace for a long while now, but if the same sentence continues after the pause there's no reason to capitalize the second half.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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CloudGrain
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Update 3]

Post by CloudGrain »

Despite the calm off the room, it feels like we're all on edge. All being taken just far enough out of our comfort zones to make things awkward.

Lilly's silence is almost deafening as I visibly see something of the conflict between politeness and actually addressing the elephant in the room. Hanako's own silence is somewhat more normal given her nature... although the glances I catch her stealing at me are disconcerting. They're not the same scared appraisals of me that I can remember the first time we talked in the library. But they've still got some element of concern in them. It's no wonder, given the circumstances, but not something I'm sure I would expect from her. I would have expected for the same attempts at avoidance, for the withdrawing away from any type of potentially awkward social situation. Not unlike how Lilly had been so careful to skirt around the issue, but with a little less elegance and tact than Lilly had at her disposal.

Of course... it's only because of me that the whole situation seems so stretched in the first place.

Only because of the fact that I'm the talk of the school because of what happened during the festival. Because of the fact that I couldn't manage to open up, to make myself feel a little more like I belonged here; despite all the attempts that people had made to make me feel welcome. My breath catches somewhat in my throat as I'm left to such thoughts; stumbling somewhat to conclusions about why I found myself on the roof in the first place.

"Hisao?" The questioning calling of my names draws me out of my mind and back into the tearoom as Lilly carefully sets down a cup of tea for me. I smile, relieved at the being drawn away from myself at such an opportune moment. I carefully take the tea, unable to help but marvel slightly at Lilly's ability to cope with her own disability. It's easy to assume that being blind for most of your life would mean that adaptation would be natural, but after having had just a few months to adapt so poorly to a heart condition... Being unable to use a sense seems infinitely more difficult.

The words that come to mind, and more or less spew out of my mouth aren't particularly tactful and considerate... But some sort of conversation might help me to not focus so much on my own shortcomings. "Lilly, would you mind if I asked you something...?" Lilly nods graciously, expression lightening up at my breaking the silence. "How can you... I mean, how do you cope, adjust... how can you do things without being able to see them?" The awkward wording of the question makes it even worse in my own mind, and I can't help but try to rectify it by trying to better specify, noticing Lilly's own combination of muted confusion and consternation. "I mean... does sound come more into play? Is something like pouring tea something you just had to practice enough times with the same tea-set until it became second nature?" The question's specifications bring Lilly from looking a little confused at the suddenness of the question to a very slight smile as she seems to realize that I'm not trying to offend her in any way. Moreso just curious as to how living without one of the senses I take for granted would work out.

"I have much better hearing than most, no doubt thanks to focusing so much more on it. It helps in most cases, and in those that it can't simply being careful seems to eliminate most of the other 'hardships' that people believe I have." Lilly says slowly, sitting down across from me and Hanako at the table, holding the tea delicately in one hand and the saucer in another. "I would say that having had so long to adjust to my situation and adapt has made it into something that doesn't usually require much thought most of the time." A somewhat troubled expression flutters across her face. "Of course, perhaps I'm lucky that my... condition couldn't potentially get any worse."

Damn. The correctness that Lilly feels such a need to convey, just in case my own condition is one of those that might get worse stings. That even though I've been enough of an idiot to more or less push her concern away last week she's more than happy to more or less cater to me regardless. Even Hanako was willing and able to provide a sort of an opening for me here today, pressure me into being a little more open after I'd so deliberately closed myself off last week.

I sip the tea, determine it's too hot, and suddenly find myself speaking.

"I... My... condition I suppose isn't..." I find myself flagging as Lilly perks up slightly, opening her eyes in a vague approximation of looking at me while Hanako nervously glances over. "I'm not missing an arm or a leg, not missing a sense... I suppose it makes me a bit lucky at this school, to not have people able to judge me by just a glance to know what's wrong." I start, awkwardly spilling over the words that come to mind, feeling bad knowing that there's the potential that since Lilly can't exactly see me, she can't exactly be expected to know such things. She nods once, very simply, and I can't help but notice that Hanako is maintaining her gaze rather than only inspecting me for a short period before looking away. Taking a deep breath, I take that plunge that I just couldn't bring myself to last week.

"I've got arrhythmia."

"Arrhythmia?" The question comes from Hanako, who is staring with wide-eyes, immediately diverting her gaze when I turn to her and nod in affirmation.

"My heart is... bad, would be the simplest way to put it. My heart skips beats, doesn't stay quite steady. Medicine helps, but after all the surgeries over the past few months after my heart attack..." I trail off, and find it a prudent time to take a long sip of tea. I feel like some of the weight that's been on the whole room has dissipated slightly, but still can't find much reason or way to continue.

Lilly sets her cup and saucer down on the table, and intertwines her hands as she looks thoughtful for a moment and then seems to be struck by a revelation. "So... When we walked to town...?" She begins, causing me to wince at the incident where I'd thought to simply explain it and dismissed it in favor of just downplaying the issue. It feels now like an opportunity I'd had but managed to miss. It wasn't like Lilly was naive enough to have believed the weak lie that I'd given there, just polite enough not to push the issue terribly, especially with Rin there.

"I wasn't having any real trouble with my heart then, no." I say quickly, dismissing Lilly's notion that she might have unintentionally had a part in damaging me a little bit further. "But having spent a few months in the hospital with nothing to do, adjusting to daily life has still been a little hard." I admit slowly, feeling yet a little more weight sliding off my shoulders as Lilly seems to relax somewhat at my assurances. Hanako seems to merely be working on processing the information silently in her own way as we all return to the tea for a moment. The whole atmosphere seems just a little bit lighter now, at least to me, having pushed the burden a little off my chest.

I feel like if I had just done this before the festival, things would have gone differently. I'm not better, I know that. It's not as though merely telling people what is 'wrong' with me will give me the power to get over a lot of what I've felt for the past few months. It won't cure my condition either. But it makes it feel a little less like something that I need to hide. Even in silence, a still somewhat awkward silence, I feel better than I have in a long time.

Finishing my tea, I sit back and smile tensely, feeling better after what I've managed to finally say. Still, now I feel somewhat like I'm intruding, overstaying my welcome with Hanako and Lilly. I'm probably not in the position of being the best conversational partner right now... Lilly would certainly be polite enough to field any number of topics I might suggest, and Hanako might even be able to break out of her shell to ask a question here or there. After having let them slightly 'in' though, I feel a bit of a need to be alone for a little while, that trying to act like nothing happened might somewhat cloud the feeling of relief that I have.

"Thank you both very much, for the tea and for talking with me. It helped." I say as I stand up, picking up my bag from besides my chair, giving both Hanako and Lilly a sincere smile. Hanako blushes slightly and stammers out something along the lines of a 'you're welcome', while Lilly unknowingly returns the smile with one of her own, apparently relieved by my tone. Turning on my heels, I prepare to head down to the library, still somewhat intent on picking up a few books to spend the rest of the evening with.

All in all... things could have gone much worse today. Sure, things were for the most part awkward and stretched out, but they were manageable. With all of the effort that I put into my schoolwork today alone, there's no doubt that I can't at least keep up in that regard. With the simple little bits of support that I've gotten from just a few of my classmates, even if most of them appear to be skittish around me now, it all seems just a little bit more manageable than it did before.

Getting some books from a slightly anxious Yuuko, going back to my room and finally relaxing somewhat, I can't help but think of the simple fact that if worst came to worst, things won't have to go on for too much longer before they'll change. It's just a year, just a few months in each semester... which are each only a few weeks long. If I had to, I could go to class and go to my room, read, pass time well enough on my own. And that'd be the worst case scenario, that I'd learn and get things done without too much interaction beyond that. But... If I'm not terribly wrong, there are still going to be people who'll try to interact with me, still be people who want to pull me a little bit out of the darker place that I'd been since the hospital.

The worst case scenario doesn't look all too bad. And it doesn't seem like it's as likely to come to pass if I just interact with people a little more honestly and openly.

Cracking the top to a can of drink, I crack open the first book that I'd picked up from the library, and begin to delve into a fantasy-world that's not too much stranger than the one I live in.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but a beautiful thing to lose.
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 19]

Post by TheTealeaf »

This is a nice way to wrap it up.

I really liked the scene where Hisao is stumbling over asking Lilly about her disability. Felt very real if that makes sense and was well dealt with.

I always do enjoy reading your writing Cloud.

Not much apart from keep on with the writing!

As always, good work.
Tealeaf. Old cockney rhyming slang for 'thief'. That is what KS did to me. It tealeafed my heart straight from my chest. Especially you Rin. Especially you.

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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 19]

Post by AntonSlavik020 »

As tealeaf said, very good job with the conversation in the tea room. I feel like the way your ending chapters your making it so the story can end at any of them(except the first), and it would be acceptable. I felt pretty satisfied at the end of the last two chapters, though more so at the end of this one.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

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Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Update 4]

Post by CloudGrain »

Well... I've suddenly come to find myself in possession of an ordinate amount of free time, with a temporary job having come to an abrupt and somewhat unexpected end.
____

Wednesday went by almost normally as far as things seem to go at Yamaku.

Plenty of people seemed content to stare, whisper, gossip about me.

But at the same time, Shizune and Misha both came over when the announcement for group-work went out. Both a little cautious at first, but with Misha being Misha and Shizune's 'voice' more or less having to go right through her, it seemed like they both warmed right back up. Misha with a little bit of absent-mindedness as she worked, Shizune as focused as a laser on the work but not above making a joke of her own once in a while. They were easy enough to get along with, and definitely something of a welcome break from how I had been throwing myself at the work alone.

Lunch came and went, a little more comfortably than the day before's had since the Student-Council duo had invited me along. Fitting in, being a part of a small group helped to keep the feeling of being 'stared at' throughout the meal.

We went back to classes, I resumed throwing myself into the individual work with intent while Shizune and Misha broke up the desks from a grouping. As much as I'd thought before that coasting through a lot of school would be easy, there's still plenty of new material being thrown out here at Yamaku, and I figured I'd have to keep on top of it. By the time that class ended, I went to the library, returning some of the books I'd gotten the other day and picking out a fresh new selection, grabbing some food from the cafeteria and heading back to my dorm.

Wednesday was... unremarkable, but good to be that way.

Thursday was much the same, followed in rapid succession by Friday. Falling back into the routine that'd been almost-established the week before of going to school, interacting just a little bit with a few people, and going 'home' to my dormitory to do some reading and schoolwork. Everything being said and done, it wasn't bad at all.

Today is Saturday though.

The day that we've got half-off from classes. Where the main point that most people seem to make is social interaction, where they try to hang out with their friends.

I'm not entirely sure that even at the end of my second week here I've got any friends.

Despite all that a few of my fellow students have done for me, I'm not really entirely sure that we would call one another friends. I know that Shizune and Misha are definitely friendly towards me, but by Friday they were already getting back on track with trying to push me towards joining the Student Council, much to my chagrin. I know that I'd opened up to Lilly and Hanako... but beyond greeting Hanako in the morning when I saw her and getting a stuttered reply in response, I haven't exactly even spoken to her. I haven't exactly seen Lilly since Tuesday either, and wouldn't want to impose myself on the pair, taking advantage of their hospitality. If I went back into last week, I could probably even count Emi as someone who'd wanted to help me... admittedly moreso with her own running and me tagging along. But still seeming hopeful to get me somewhat back into shape. Even Rin could've, in her own weird way, been being as friendly as she could.

Of course, being friendly to someone and being friends with someone were two entirely different things.

I cut my morning musings short as I enter the classroom, keeping up with my habit of being early now that I've found some motivation for my education over the past few days. Normally, I'm one of the first few here. But today, it looks like I'm the first person here and throwing my bag down by my desk as I take a seat and close my eyes, I can't help but smile somewhat. I wasn't exactly usually the most motivated, or even on-time student back at my old school.

Then again, I wasn't someone who knew he had arrhythmia at my old school... or the new guy who jumped off the roof. But at least not all of the changes were so definitely bad, right?

"G-good morning..."

The words break me from my reverie as I open my eyes to be greeted by Hanako shyly looking away.

"Good morning, Hanako." I say, flashing a quick smile as she fidgets slightly with her bag, not headed towards her seat. "Something on your mind?" I ask, hoping to somewhat expedite the process. I feel like if she can talk to me before anyone else shows up, there's more of a chance of having something that actually resembles a conversation with her.

A quick nod, a little bit of relief comes from Hanako at my breaking the awkwardness, although the words still aren't exactly forthcoming.

"I was... just wondering if y-you're f-feeling a l-little bit... bit better now?" She asks, shirking away from eye contact as soon as she manages to make it. I feel a little bit of warmth rush to my ears as I rub the back of my neck, genuinely thankful for the concern that Hanako's willing to show. "Y-you seemed... peaceful, r-right then." Hanako says, giving the rare emphasis of her own smile to the statement. It proves to be a little contagious as I feel my own lips curling back up into a smile while I consider my answer.

"I think I am. I was just considering the fact that I've never exactly been the first person to classes before, and that not all change has to be bad." I say it almost absent-mindedly, not so much minding the fact that I know Hanako so little. I can't say that I exactly know anyone here yet, but shouldn't honesty to sincere questions be the basis for that? "Sorry, half thinking aloud." I say, smiling as Hanako nods, looking as though she's about to say something more, once again playing with her hands and staring intently on the ground. Like a child who'd just dropped something fragile and broken it, right in front of an adult. I'm half considering pointing that out to hopefully draw her out of her shell.

Of course, the world's loudest interpreter for the deaf practically kicking the door off its hinges sends Hanako scurrying back to her seat before I can open my mouth.

"Early again, Hicchan? Not trying to steal Shicchan's work, are you~? She wasn't happy when you finished before her yesterday~!" Misha exclaims, her volume level almost disturbingly high since there are only four people in the room, even giving a mock approximation of an angry expression before bursting into her usual laughter. Honestly... where she got all this energy, I don't think that I'll ever know. Even getting up a little earlier on my own right, I know I'm not so much a morning person.

"Morning Misha, Shizune." I reply, effortlessly shrugging aside the accusations and chit-chat. I'll have to admit I'm a little bit perturbed, having been interesting in what Hanako might have had to say.

The duo turns to one another, signing rapidly before Misha turns back to me, hands on her waist and toothy grin while Shizune is similarly grinning. "Shicchan says you should help us with some of the physics homework, on account of us doing so much as your Student Council. If we didn't have such a heavy workload for Student Council, we might have been able to do it last night. But nobody was around to help us, Hicchan, nobody~!" Misha says, I can almost feel the pair edging closer.

I'm starting to re-think this early start to the day.

Fending off the Student-Council's thinly veiled recruitment attempts while helping them with their homework waiting for the rest of the class to file in...

The recruitment attempts seem like a given, but my academic attempts and earliness are some surprising new habits that I can't say I'm not proud of and hoping to keep. Our little 'trio' manages to just barely finish the last equation before Mutou comes into the classroom, looking a little bit less-than-enthusiastic for the prospect of teaching today. It looks like busy-work for today, as Mutou writes out examples from the book for us to do rather than going on into one of his somewhat scatterbrained lectures. Not that I can complain... It's pretty much the same stuff that I just had to explain to Misha and Shizune.

'Biting the bullet', unlike quite a few of my classmates who seem to be more than happy to instead resume sleeping, time goes by rather quickly.

But not quickly enough... I realize that I've completed the sets about an hour before the lesson is over. Looking over, I can see that Misha is going along at a good rate, while Shizune is at about the point I was ten minutes ago. It's surprising to see that when I push myself in regards to academics I can beat out Shizune. Granted, only in most of the math and science, with English still being my proverbial 'boogeyman'. Scanning the rest of the classroom boredly, I can't help but notice that Hanako is playing truant again, while the rest of the class seems to be in various states of either halfheartedly working or nearly asleep. A few quiet conversations are going on, just to keep a little bit of background noise instead of outright silence.

Mutou seems to catch me looking around, and looks at me in confusion before gesturing towards both me and the papers in front of me while putting down a scientific journal. Dutifully, I take them up to him and hand the somewhat untidy pile of equations to him. His mood seems to lighten somewhat as he reads through them quickly. "Very good, Nakai. I think that you're all done, if you'd like to go. Or maybe if you'd like to help anyone else with their work." Mutou says, his expression a good deal... Lighter than when he'd come in. It seems like he's the sort of teacher who really took a lot of interest in having his students really grasp the material he teaches.

For the first time in a while, with Saturday looming ahead in all of it's... strangeness to this new schedule that I've found for myself, I feel like I've got a real and important choice to make.

Should I go out and try to enjoy the day?

Or should I stay here for a little longer, with the security that the classroom really provides me?

On one hand, Saturday is supposed to be a day to be enjoyed. I could go visit the library and read a few quiet books. If worst comes to worst, Yuuko would certainly be happy to see me again with more reading material. She'd been really helpful the other day in finding a title from an author I enjoyed that I'd never been able to find before. I could go outside, enjoy the fact that I was out of the hospital, maybe even do my best to take the Nurse's advice and try to exercise a little bit. I could go into town, I could just explore the school some more. I could do anything.

Or I could stay here, help Shizune and Misha for a little bit. Maybe actually try to break the ice with a few of my other classmates. Try to dispel some of the awkwardness that's existed between me and practically everyone else since my... accident on the roof.

Decisions, decisions...

___

Notable edit;

Unfortunately, didn't realize that I was setting people right up for getting into a little bit of trouble here regarding the forum's rules on no requesting right alongside (to a limited degree) no CYOA type threads. I apologize for the ambiguity, have removed an initial statement at the top, and will leave in the nice bright red lettering to hopefully grab your attention before you get slapped on the wrist as well.

:oops: Sorry for leaving a few of you open for this, and hoping to avoid future instances. Sorry!

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Last edited by CloudGrain on Mon Oct 20, 2014 7:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but a beautiful thing to lose.
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TheTealeaf
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 20]

Post by TheTealeaf »

*bounces on the spot*

Nice! Like this part as well, I can really feel Hisao's internal struggle with his choices.

Hehe I could see this as part of a route for several of the girls, depending on the choice made by Hisao!

Hell you could even go into some of the other pupils for 3-3

Ever fancied doing a Misha route? :D

this piece just SCREAMS possibilities at me and it would be a cryin shame to see it go to waste on wayside.

My vote is for keep going.

You always turn out good quality work cloud (Personally I think better than mine) and I certainly think you've got the drive to do a route!

Of course that's just my two pence on the matter.

Either way, I always enjoy your work.

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Tealeaf. Old cockney rhyming slang for 'thief'. That is what KS did to me. It tealeafed my heart straight from my chest. Especially you Rin. Especially you.

One cannot think well, sleep well, love well if one has not dined well
- Virginia Woolf

Cooking is like love. Enter with abandon or not at all
AntonSlavik020
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 20]

Post by AntonSlavik020 »

I take back what I said, this HAS to keep going. I second everything tealeaf said. It's ultimately up to you what happens of course, but I'm hoping Hisao stays in the classroom. I'm naturally hoping he becomes friends with Shizune and Misha, but I'll take any combination of classmates you choose.

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Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Update 4]

Post by azumeow »

CloudGrain wrote: I'll have to admit I'm a little bit perturbed, having been interesting in what Hanako might have had to say.
CloudGrain wrote: I could do anything.

Or I could stay here, help Shizune and Misha for a little bit. Maybe actually try to break the ice with a few of my other classmates. Try to dispel some of the awkwardness that's existed between me and practically everyone else since my... accident on the roof.

Decisions, decisions...
HISAO
WAT R U DOIN
HISAO
STAHP

But seriously, he better go find out what Hanako wants. It'd be downright rude not to find out what she was planning to ask him, if you want my opinion.

Then again, nobody wants my opinion. But I still give it anyway <3

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"I don’t want to be here anymore, I know there’s nothing left worth staying for.
Your paradise is something I’ve endured
See I don’t think I can fight this anymore, I’m listening with one foot out the door
And something has to die to be reborn-I don’t want to be here anymore"
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 20]

Post by Silentcook »

Teh Sticky of Doom.

For those who don't get it: no polling for plot direction, and no voting on plot direction. Ever. Also a side dish of the No CYOA sticky, while we're at it.
Shattering your dreams since '94. I also fought COVID in '20 and '21, and all I got was this lousy forum sig.

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CloudGrain
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Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 20]

Post by CloudGrain »

My fault entirely, SilentCook, I will update a portion of the post to reflect.


TheTealeaf wrote:*bounces on the spot*

Nice! Like this part as well, I can really feel Hisao's internal struggle with his choices.

Hehe I could see this as part of a route for several of the girls, depending on the choice made by Hisao!

Hell you could even go into some of the other pupils for 3-3

Ever fancied doing a Misha route? :D

this piece just SCREAMS possibilities at me and it would be a cryin shame to see it go to waste on wayside.

My vote is for keep going.

You always turn out good quality work cloud (Personally I think better than mine) and I certainly think you've got the drive to do a route!

Of course that's just my two pence on the matter.

Either way, I always enjoy your work.


Thanks kindly for the encouragement, as always! And it was indeed the intent to leave it fairly open-ended at this point. I've been musing over a few different ideas and directions for it all to take (or perhaps even multiple), but didn't want to pin myself down to any single thing quite yet. I think that I've got the idea in mind for what I'd like to continue-on. But I'll probably sleep on it this evening just to see if it still strikes me the same way when I wake up and have time to write it all down.

Exceptionally sorry about getting you a warning inadvertently with the stickied rules. :(
AntonSlavik020 wrote:I take back what I said, this HAS to keep going. I second everything tealeaf said. It's ultimately up to you what happens of course, but I'm hoping Hisao stays in the classroom. I'm naturally hoping he becomes friends with Shizune and Misha, but I'll take any combination of classmates you choose.
Thanks so much! I'm stoked to hear that it's gone from just 'getting interesting' to something you would like to see updates for! :D Hopefully, I'll be able to provide more content now that I've got some more free time in the immediate future.

Once again though, I am very sorry for leaving you open to getting a warning. Practically setting people up for failure of that rule here. :oops:
azumeow wrote: HISAO
WAT R U DOIN
HISAO
STAHP

But seriously, he better go find out what Hanako wants. It'd be downright rude not to find out what she was planning to ask him, if you want my opinion.

Then again, nobody wants my opinion. But I still give it anyway <3
Thank you very much for having such an interest in this! Glad that I'm able to draw such a response from you with this little snippet. :D Although, like with Anton and Tealeaf, I really am sorry that I really left you open to get the slap on the wrist of a warning here. I do apologize. :(
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but a beautiful thing to lose.
CloudGrain
Posts: 75
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 5:40 pm

Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Update 5a]

Post by CloudGrain »

I can't help but think that staying around to help would be something of a mistake.

I could try to help Misha and Shizune, sure... but Shizune's nearly done already and would probably be just as able to explain the work to Misha when she finishes up. The rest of my classmates, I really can't say that I know particularly well. While helping them out would probably give me a few bonus points, there's always the chance that I'll just be bothering someone who wants to fall asleep. A quick glance shows that for Suzu, as well as a few other students, the book is actually proving its usefulness as a pillow rather than for the equations within.

Yeah, it'd be just a little bit safer to be on my way right now.

I grab my bag, rearrange it somewhat to fit the thick textbook and notebook inside of it neatly, and head out of the classroom, stretching somewhat as I consider the options in front of me for the day. Not only is it a Saturday, after all, but a Saturday that I've got off from classes almost an entire hour early. This is something to be enjoyed, isn't it? Yawning, already a little tired thanks to my dedication to my education, I decide that one of the better ways to reward myself might be to get rid of some of the weight on my back by stopping by the library for a while, dropping off another book and thinking about what else there might be to do. As much as Yamaku might be one of the quieter places that I've ever been, it doesn't seem like the administration here would be able to keep so many high-school students here and expect them to do nothing all day, right?

Yuuko might actually know something about that, being a member of the staff.

"Good morning, Yuuko." I say as I see her, already pulling out the book that I'd borrowed just yesterday to check back into the library. She glances up at me, mildly surprised as she takes the book.

"Good morning, Hisao." She returns with her usual apprehensive smile, laser-focused on the book that I'm returning to do everything right. It's always a little strange to see how quickly she can change 'modes'. Finally managing to scan the barcode, she turns to me again. "Is there something wrong, was I not supposed to-" She begins, immediately apologizing as she noticed that I haven't gone on my usual way to pick up a few new books. I can't help but smile and try to wave it off.

"No, sorry, didn't mean to confuse you. I actually had a question that you might be able to help with." I say simply, bringing Yuuko down from the building breakdown-in-progress. "I was sort of wondering what goes around here, in the school? I mean, I understand that there are a bunch of clubs, but are there any events? Sports games, or anything?" I ask, getting Yuuko to calm down even further as she's forced to think at least a little more about the topic of my question than having possibly done some tiny thing the littlest bit wrong.

"I... Don't know off the top of my- Oh! Wait." Yuuko seems to grasp at strings for a moment before something jumps right out to her. "I know that there's going to be a track-meet tomorrow. We're supposed to be going up against..." She stumbles for a few seconds, scrambling to try and come up with the name of whatever school we're competing with, almost immediately getting flustered again.

"Thanks, Yuuko. Even just knowing about something going on tomorrow is good. I think that I'll go check out some books." I reassure her with a smile, getting at least a nod from Yuuko as she seems to mull it over for a little while longer. I've learned that dealing with Yuuko, the faster you can get yourself out when she's taking a bit of a turn for the worst makes it a little bit easier on both you and her. Skimming the books, a little absent-mindedly, I can't help but draw the comparison between how I have to act around Yuuko and how Hanako seems to act around everyone. Bailing as soon as things get just a little bit tricky.

I'm not terribly surprised when I reach the end of the book shelves and see her in what I assume is her customary bean-bag, deep into a book. I'd seen her seat empty in class earlier, sure. But it's still somewhat of a strange thing to me to know she was playing truant right in the library, so close-by to teachers and the like. Even if she were at least a little hidden so far in the library itself. After just a few second's consideration, I decide to go over and say hello, my mind going back to this morning's encounter. It'd looked like she had something on her mind before Shizune and Misha, mostly Misha, had more or less driven her to run away before things got difficult.

"Hey, Hanako." I say easily, somewhat startling her as I sling my bag to the side and feel the relief of being a little less burdened, plopping down into a seat scross from her. She starts slightly, before seeming to recognize me and settle back down at least somewhat.

"H-Hi... H-Hisao." She stammers out, already attempting to hide herself behind her book. A quick glance at me, then to a clock hanging over a nearby bookcase, and back to me. Hanako's look gradually changes to one of just a little more confusion than fear. "Y-you're out of class?" She asks, the confusion in her voice a little more evident for once than the usual fear. Although it might just be that after the few very brief 'conversations' I've had with her that I've gotten to be able to hear her a little bit better.

"Yeah, I finished everything up a little early. Mutou let me leave." I say, examining the book she's reading. It's actually one of my go-to books when I couldn't find too much that looked good back in the hospital. "Have you gotten very far in the book?" I ask, leading the conversation in a new direction. Hanako gives a little shake of her head in response, giving me reason to give a bit of a grin. "It's a good one, or at least I thought so." If I'm not mistaken, I think that Hanako actually gives a tiny smile at that, half-hidden by the book as she seems to be attempting to examine me while also reading through the book.

"I-Its good so far." She admits, seeming to turn the littlest bit inwards with the short answer.

I can't exactly say that I know too much about Hanako, but I can say that it feels like it would be pushing it to bother her too much more right now. The question that I had been intending to ask her, about what it was she might have had to say this morning fades to somewhere in the back of my mind as I crack open a book I'd gotten fairly into last night. Much as I'd been thinking about going out to do something, the only thing that more or less opened itself was tomorrow anyways. At the very least, going to the library for a while to read was a nice change in pace and atmosphere for me.

Losing myself in the science-fiction world isn't hard, and I'm hardly aware of the girl across from me thanks to her deliberate silence. The seconds quickly tick into minutes, which seem to blur by until the lunch bells suddenly ring. It startles me somewhat, similarly to how I'd startled Hanako earlier with my greeting. Turning my gaze upwards at the noise, I catch Hanako peeking out over the cover of her book at me before looking away quickly. I can't help but wonder at how long, or how many times she might have done that while I was engrossed in my book.

"Something wrong?" I ask, instinctively feeling a hand going up to my head to try and pat down that tuft of hair that always seems to poke out. "My hair's not staying up in one spot or anything?" Hanako blushes a little bit, the faintest hint of a smile as she shakes her head. It's... honestly always a bit of a chore to start up any little strand of conversation with Hanako. But I feel like the little smiles and awkwardness that I get in return can definitely be worth it.

"Y-you looked... happier... a-again." She stutters out, as if embarrassed by her observation.

I've got to admit that she's making the same observation again is... almost strange to me as well. I know that a few people have taken my welfare pretty seriously since I've come here. Mutou and the Nurse, for example; although in their case it might be in no small consequence because of their jobs. Lilly and Hanako had both helped me tremendously a few days ago, although I'd had little enough contact with either of them since. Even Shizune and Misha seemed to be perking right back up towards trying to help me, in their own way. But nobody had openly really just sat back and observed me... or at the very least told me that they'd been observing me.

Then again, it was Hanako who prodded me to go along for tea that day and more or less instigated getting things off my chest. Carefully folding a page to mark my place, I carefully consider the observation, as well as the fact that it seemed like Hanako really had been trying to help me a little bit in the past. "A good book, a nice quiet day half-off from school, what's not to enjoy?" I ask, giving her a smile while she blushes and hides behind the book again. Before I can even pick my book back up, she's peeking over the cover of her own, to be met with an expectant raised eyebrow of mine.

It's almost easy to predict her sometimes; I just have to relate to how I felt a few days ago wanting to avoid people. Of course, I've got no idea what she's going to say. Or if she's going to say it even if I asked. I feel like most every interaction she has with me is a forced encounter well out of her comfort-zone.

"I-It's... n-nice to see y-you smile. Y-you didn't... s-smile... b-before.,," She stammers out and trails off, the statements somewhat hard to make out even by the standards I have for her. Stuttered and so softly-spoken that the book in front of her mouth almost manages to absorb it entirely.

Hanako isn't the dishonest type, even if she is so quiet. A moment's reflection on the week prior doesn't leave me with many memories of smiling. I'd more or less been dealing with the fact that I'd been sent to a school for 'disabled people', and that even here I didn't think that I was managing to fit in. I felt like nobody was really... well, trying too terribly much to help me, despite how much a few of them were. I felt like an outcast even among these people who'd been more or less 'sent away', unfair as it seemed looking back. I still don't know if I could call anyone a friend, or would be able to call anyone a close friend by graduation, but it seems almost foolish as to how depressed I'd been after a single week of not getting so close to anyone.

I think that I'll take Hanako's comment as something of a compliment. "Thanks." I say simply, smiling as if to emphasis it, before deciding that thanking her again for simply pushing me a little bit to the tearoom and then being able to listen. "Thanks to both you, and Lilly, I think. I don't think that I knew quite how much I needed to get that off my chest until Tuesday." I say simply, hoping that the message might be carried to Lilly by proxy.

Although, before Hanako can formulate one of her careful and shortly-worded responses, the most appropriate voice calls out to her before its source emerges from the bookshelves.

"Hanako?" The prim and proper voice comes, at just the right volume to call someone out from inside a library, Lilly coming into view as she navigates with her cane oh-so-carefully. Hanako immediately shuts her book and begins to get her things together to go with Lilly, to escape a very slightly uncomfortable situation. Of course, Lilly directs her voice in another question in my vague direction even as Hanako is gathering up her bag. "Did I hear someone else with you?" She asks, resting both hands on her cane for the moment as she waits patiently.

Smiling, I greet Lilly, hopeful that I'll be able to thank her myself once again. "It's me Lilly, Hisao." I say simply, pushing my own book to the side as I stand up from the beanbag to a little more properly try and see them off if they're leaving. To a little bit of my surprise, Lilly gets something of a cross between a pouting and haughty motherly expression on her face at my voice.

"Hisao, are you skipping classes?" She asks, with enough of the very same tone in her voice as her face is showing to make me actually laugh lightly.

I suppose that it does seem a little bit like if I were in the library so soon after classes ended, and sitting down comfortably, it might seem a little bit like I'd just forgone classes for today. Though Lilly's expression and somewhat overbearing concern is definitely endearing. "No, no... Mutou let me out a little early since I finished all the work he assigned us in classes. I've just been reading for a little while with Hanako." I reassure her after laughing, watching Lilly's somewhat confused consternation being replaced with a more relaxed, although mildly surprised expression. She certainly seems to like to play the mother-hen.

"Finishing Mutou's work early? My, my... you must have been working quite diligently." Lilly says, looking pleased at the fact, although still a little wary. I rub the back of my neck, well aware of how much more effort I'd been putting into academics lately. It definitely seemed like a complete one-eighty, and I really hoped that I could keep it that way.

"Yeah... I was actually just telling Hanako, I think that the conversation I had with you two definitely helped me. Thanks again." Lilly's brow furrows slightly at the beginning of my statement, but even the tiny bit of concern from before seems to have disappeared into a radiant smile by the end of it.

"You're very welcome, Hisao." She says with the slightest bow, evidently very pleased that the conversation in the tea-room had been such a help. "In fact, we were just going to have some tea and sandwiches in the tea-room, if you'd like to join us again today?"

It's not like I had anything better planned for the day... Lilly's invitation is definitely welcome, and even Hanako doesn't look so fidgety or frightened at the prospect of it today when compared to the day last week I more or less imposed myself on the pair.

"It would be a pleasure."

___

Disclaimer/Update/Whatever;

This project has taken a turn for the long(-er).

I have, after some consideration and deliberation decided to hopefully get this project to 'line up' with the actual visual novel, with at least a semblance of true congruity with all five of the major girl's routes. In essence, meaning that I will intend to have a few 'options' (not unlike the usual psuedo-route) which can lead a reader down multiple paths. It'll take some serious time in order to get everything for each girl just right. But I do hope to do justice for each of them.

I doubt that After the Fall will ever reach out anywhere as long, in either time-frame or word-count as the visual novel's routes. Seeing as at this point I might have about 10.000 words in what would constitute the majority of the first act. I'd estimate a full read-through of any of the 'routes' at less than 40.000 words, as well as only reach a few weeks or months into the future for Hisao. I won't be able to guarantee much in the realm of true 'closure' for any of the girls either. Merely getting things to a point where the relationships are in a more or less 'predictable' state.. I will be working on the routes sequentially, and likely make a new thread once I've sufficiently butchered this one with having one completed route and beginning another.

A pair of randomly determined coin-tosses have given me Hanako as the first route in After the Fall.

Enjoy,
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but a beautiful thing to lose.
AntonSlavik020
Posts: 607
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:03 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: After the Fall [Alternate-Ending, Updated Oct 20]

Post by AntonSlavik020 »

Awesome. While I was hoping for Shizune, I'm certainly not complaining about Hanako being first. Looking forward to more.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
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