Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014

[CloudGrain]

Staring down at the grey laminate flooring, hands already clasped behind her back as she shuffled uneasily, Emi was hoping that the guilt in the very bottom of her stomach couldn't possibly grow any more when the Nurse came back from the other room he was setting Hisao down in to rest.

All that she'd been told the other day -besides to look out for a new kid at the track getting in some exercise- was that he had just gotten out of the hospital recently and needed a little bit of physical therapy to get back into things. She'd been told to take it a little easier with him, to not be too terribly surprised if he went slow, or even just walked around the track a few times. By the way that she'd been told, Emi half-expected it to be someone more like her... Someone who was missing at least part of a leg, who might simply need to see somebody else who'd managed to completely get back into things. So it'd been a bit of a surprise to her for a split second when she realized that the new guy she'd run right into the other day was the same one who was being scolded slightly by the Nurse to get himself in gear. Luckily, he didn't seem like the sort to hold a grudge for the other day, and wasn't reluctant to get right into it. So of course it'd been just as soon as she was beginning to feel a little comfortable with this new potential running partner that she turned around to watch him fall at a full run, clutching his chest with a pained expression and color rapidly draining from his face. His deadened voice and far-away gaze when he tried to assure her that he was all right was even worse, compounded by the fact that he refused her help.

Between her running into him the other day and nearly killing him just now... It wouldn't be surprising of him to absolutely hate her. Despite her not knowing exactly what his condition was; despite the fact that she would apologize, despite the fact that if she could she would definitely take it all back, and despite her feeling so bad even before she flickered her eyes upwards and saw the Nurse pinching the bridge of his nose as he shut the door to Hisao's temporary room. The sinking feeling of even more guilt in her stomach as soon as she made eye-contact proved that this was about to make her feel even worse, impossible as it seemed.

"I know that it seems like a joke when I say I don't want any students to die on school grounds while I'm here, Emi," The words were delivered with an exasperated sigh from the Nurse as he crossed his arms across his chest and assumed an uncharacteristic air of... Scolding? A little flare of anger? Whatever it was, there had been so few times during the past eight years that Emi had known the Nurse that she couldn't quite identify it. Knowing that she deserved it made it even worse as she wished that she could just sort of disappear while waiting for him to lecture her. Still, before he could fully launch into a perfectly justified tirade, Emi could hardly help from asking.

"Hisao will be okay though, right? He won't need to go to the hospital or anything?" The words came out quickly, almost in a jumble as Emi hoped that the response would lift at least some of the feeling of guilt off of her.

The Nurse sighed again, seeming to lose a little bit of the 'angry' composure that'd come over him as he gave a perfunctory nod. "He seems to be fine for the moment. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he misses a few hours of school thanks to this. Even though he thought it was 'just a flutter', I think that it was a minor heart-attack that he had out there. Hisao's lucky his heart decided to keep beating after a few seconds instead of stopping," For as much guilt as the fact that Hisao was going to be okay that was lifted off of her, Emi was given just as much back as she realized just how close she had been to killing the newest student here at Yakuma. Her eyes immediately went back down to the floor as the Nurse began to speak again, his tone perhaps a little less chastising than he might have been intending. "Which could have been avoided, had you taken my advice to take everything easy if and when Hisao showed up. What were you thinking, Emi?"

A desultory shrug was all that Emi could manage in response as she fidgeted slightly and continued staring at the floor. She felt bad enough already, and having it explained even more certainly wasn't helping any. Still, as the few seconds began to stretch on into an uncomfortable silence, it was becoming more and more impossible to say nothing in response as she withered under the Nurse's gaze. "I didn't know... Sorry..." She finally managed to mumble. Surprisingly, this didn't earn her another earful from the Nurse as he seemed to contemplate something.

"I admit... I didn't have a great idea of how serious his condition was either. I should have been more cautious and told you more. I hoped that his heart might be a little stronger after all the procedures..." The Nurse began, before waving away what he said idly enough. Emi knew about all the confidentiality agreements he signed, probably better than most to even try and inquire as to what he meant. Even knowing one another for the past eight years, the two of them had a few unspoken courtesies that they didn't talk about. But now, they seemed to matter a little less than the tone that the Nurse had. It was that of someone who had an idea on the edge of their mind, something that was being made up on the spur of the moment and about to be tested. Of course, with the situation, that made Emi a little bit apprehensive replacing the guilt. "He needs to continue getting exercise, just at a more moderate pace, Emi. I should have given you more than just a vague warning of not pushing him too hard, but I wasn't completely sure of what his limits might be. Hopefully this is a good gauge, and we can help him a little better than before," The expectant way that he looked at her gave Emi a second's pause before she finally caved to asking the question.

"We?"

The Nurse finally gave his characteristic grin to Emi, whose response was her own slightly more unsure but hopeful smile as he continued speaking. "Seeing as you've already managed to send him here and add more paperwork to my day, I figure a little bit of blackmail might be in order. What would Meiko say if I were to tell her that you sent another student down here, and this time without just running into them in the halls?" Emi finally managed to smile slightly, even if she still felt horrible and had the nagging feeling that Hisao might want absolutely nothing to do with her even if the Nurse thought that she could be of use in getting Hisao's heart a little better. "If you stop by after classes, we'll see if we can't come up with something of an exercise plan that won't have him down here every day for the first few hours of his day." His expression hardened somewhat as he looked towards the closed door for a moment, then back to Emi. "Although, you should probably apologize first and try to make up with him for just about sending him back to the hospital on his first week back to school."

A fresh wave of guilt went right through Emi as she gave a single decisive nod and hesitantly stepped towards the door. She couldn't quite tell if the Nurse was behind her smiling because he'd managed to fluster her, or blank-faced since he truly meant what he said. Either way, apologizing was the right thing to do, hoping for the best that Hisao wouldn't immediately greet her with an expression of thinly veiled hate or something equally as angry. Maybe she could invite him to lunch with herself and Rin, try to make up for it with a good boxed lunch and some of Rin's weirdness to make things seem a little better. That just might work... Emi opened the door to Hisao's room, looking just as guilty and apologetic as she felt.

[LilyKitsune]

Hm. Theres a few issues with wordiness and runon sentences that hurt the flow of the story, hurting buildup. It's nice that you're going for adding more description, but not stuffing it in one giant sentence is the next level. Also, take a look at your usage of "had" in your writing, for tenses. It feels off to me. Give it another read, looking for those spots. There are some very good areas, but it does need a bit of work too!

[CloudGrain]

Thanks kindly for the advice, brushing off the dust and cobwebs from not having written anything 'seriously' in a good long while. I'll take a second look at it tomorrow more than likely, always had an affinity for commas and the like that tend to be the subject of exactly the run-ons I think you're talking about.

[AntonSlavik020]

I liked it. I enjoy stories that take a scene and look at it from one of the girl's perspectives, and while Emi isn't my favorite girl, this was well done.

[Mirage_GSM]

I liked it - I like such "behind the scenes-scenes" in general, but the execution was well done.
Usage of "had" seems to be fine to me, but I agree a few sentences could do with a bit of splitting. Nothing too bad, though.

[CloudGrain]

Second short; done on a whim whilst doing my damnedest to take into account the advice I've been given. Decided after a few busy days not to edit my older post, merely to be able to look back at it and know what I'm able to do better now! Cheers,



If the last time that Emi had sent Hisao down to the Nurse made her feel her guiltiest, then what she was feeling now as she nervously paced outside of the office must be some new and unwelcome emotion for humanity to experience.

It'd been so much worse last time when he'd fallen right to his knees; clenching his chest with one hand and having lost almost all the color in his face, she'd been really concerned that he wouldn't be able to get up without her running to the Nurse. This time, it'd just been Hisao slowing down all of a sudden. In the middle of their third lap, he had an almost thoughtful expression leap to his face as a hand went up to merely tap against his chest lightly for a moment as he suddenly pulled back from the pace they'd set earlier to something just a little slower. When he assured her that he was all right at the end of it, he actually sounded like he believed himself rather than spouting out some empty words to make her feel better. They took a few laps at a lighter pace; her pushing him to at least see the Nurse about what'd happened between the casual conversation that flowed between them. Emi had even forgone her usual sprints in favor of seeing him over to the medical building. Save for the whole look of concern she'd caught when he'd been pulling back, there was almost nothing for her to be concerned about.

Except that now... Even just the idea of Hisao having hurt himself somehow because of her made her feel even worse than she'd felt when he had actually seemed to be in serious trouble. That whole 'no cause for concern' argument by the lack of severity of it all, the fact that Hisao assured her he was in fact feeling better, even knowing in the back of her head somewhere that he shouldn't be in any sort of predicament right now didn't stop her from worrying. As much as she'd felt bad for the stranger that Hisao had been before, with the knowledge that she was on the brink of sending him right back to the hospital, she felt worse with the slimmest chance of doing the same to a friend. Not just a friend, but one who shared lunch with her and Rin. One who she actually let into her life more than just let dance on the surface of it for Track meets, or to team up with to tackle problems in class.

Hisao had gotten... Close, or at least a little bit closer to her. Between their runs in the mornings and back and forth banter during lunches. They weren't strangers to one another anymore, they were beyond even just running partners. He'd come to her track meet, despite Rin's confidence in winning the five-hundred yen. He'd lent her his jacket when she'd shivered slightly in the breeze; without a second thought... The thought that she still had it in her own room, tossed across the desk made her feel somewhat less guilty as she felt somewhat bad but unconcerned about returning it as well. The long and short of it was that Hisao was, well, Hisao. Someone who she felt... Horrible for having potentially hurt by pushing him to go too far, especially after denying him things at the festival and nearly dragging him along through so much of her own life.

The pacing in the corridor had taken on a rhythm not unlike her runs had. Mindlessly repetitive, somewhat taxing in order to try and alleviate the stress that was nearly bursting through at her seams. That need to move around mingled with her wanting to listen right up against the door, committing her to a zone of about three steps in either direction of the door as she was stuck in the thoughts of why she felt so bad for potentially hurting Hisao.

It'd be like... If she insulted Rin's art somehow, and in some way that even Rin took offense at. It'd be impossible not to feel bad for a friend, wouldn't it? It'd be like-

The door opened suddenly to the sound of Hisao laughing at something or the other, a common enough sound with the often-exchanged jokes between him and Emi. Regardless, Emi's rapid movements had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time as she bumped directly into him. "Whoops, sorry about that." Hisao started off, his expression a little apologetic as he smiled down at her. The worry immediately poured right out of Emi's chest and into her voice as she sped to ask the questions she needed the answers to.

"Are you all right? What did the nurse say? Do you need to go to a hospital?" Her face flushed against her attempt to control it as her voice sped right up, seeing a little bit of confusion on Hisao's face. Was he going to need to do something else, was something really wrong? "Omigosh, it was my fault wasn't it? I've been pushing you too hard, haven't I?" She had been pushing him maybe just a little outside of the plan, because he'd been doing so well. The guilt went from concern to minor self-hate for a second as she realized it was all her fault if something really were wrong. "I'm a horrible person!" She cried out, feeling terrible as Hisao managed a look of pure confusion for a second, seemingly unable to answer any of her questions as they rushed at him. As she screwed her eyes shut and prepared more apologies, trying to figure out more ways to somehow ask the questions again and actually get an answer this time, she suddenly found herself in a warm embrace.

Emi can only wonder if it's worse news than she'd been prepared for, and tensed up even more as Hisao gently patted the back of her head. "Hey, settle down! I'm fine, okay? No worries," Emi immediately relaxed against him, almost unknowingly wrapping her arms around him to confirm what he said as being true. If something really had been wrong, wouldn't he have had to go to the hospital right then and there? She just barely kept a huge sigh of relief as Hisao continued. "Don't worry about it, it's not your fault." Relaxed, but still feeling at least the last few strings of guilt before it faded away completely, Emi had to ask at least once more for confirmation.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I just need to take it a little easy for the next few days."

Emi couldn't help but smile slightly at that... At the fact that everything really was going to be okay. That Hisao wasn't going to just keel over. Her face pressed half against his chest in the tight hug, she could hardly help but feel... Good actually, despite the ebbing guilt as she looked up and admitted her worry. "Thank goodness, you really had me worried there, Hisao." The whole thing felt so natural for Emi, looking up at her running partner; her friend and smiling at his assurances of being okay. Everything felt so right with the moment,
mMaybe... Just maybe...

Of course, as the door opened up and the Nurse's voice echoed out into the corridor, the moment was over. Back to the status quo, to the casual jokes and to the easy nature of friendship. For right now, it was going to be enough for Emi though, it had to be. At least it was better than feeling guilty, right?

[AntonSlavik020]

Wasn't as interesting as the first one since it's not a behind-the-scenes kinda thing as much, but it was well done for what it was. Do you plan an doing more scenes?

[CloudGrain]

Thank you, was going a little more for just the functionality of the writing this time and actually getting something done. I don't plan on doing any additional writings in regards to these shorts in the immediate (or likely in the longer-term) future. Hopefully, I'll actually have a chance in the next couple of days to sit down and play through at least one of the routes of Katawa Shoujo again and come up with some ideas for more 'behind the scenes' type deals; expanding upon some of the material that might be able to use it. Capturing a lot of the essence of the game seems to be getting much harder as a week turns slowly into multiple between playthroughs.

[dewelar]

I like these quite a bit. I agree with AntonSlavik020 that I enjoyed the first one more, but both were good. If I had to point to something, I'd say that the first one was more suited to the third-person narrative style that you're using than the second one is. Anyway, I'll look forward to whatever you come up with next .