Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (Update 7/30/17)

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Dancing: A Miki pseudo-route (Update 7/30/17)

Post by acquireTigris » Thu Aug 21, 2014 11:27 am

Image

What is this?
This is a pseudo-route for Miki Miura, and the first route I have ever attempted. For a few months I've been hearing news that no one has ever successfully pulled one off for Miki, so this will be my own personal attempt at creating and finishing one. Not to be unoriginal, but I'll loosely base this on Scissorlips' Suzu pseudo-route.

Who is Miki?
Miki is Hisao's classmate from room 3-3 and a member of Yamaku Academy's track team. Her left hand is missing, her arm ending in a stump covered by a bandage.

Why choose Miki for a pseudo-route?
The better question is, why should I not choose Miki for a pseudo-route? She barely has any backstory, has an interesting attitude, and is arguably one of the most interesting non-romanceable characters in Katawa Shoujo.

But Tiger, haven't you heard of the Curse of the Miki Pseudo-Route?
Curse, shmurse. I may be a slight bit superstitious, but I am a firm believer of you being the captain of your own destiny. So hold on to your horses, folks. We're doing this. We're making this happen.

Suriko's route's already been published. We don't want another Miki route!
I'm finishing my work anyway. I'm entitled to my own interpretation of how a relationship between Miki and Hisao would go. Lastly, I want to entertain all my readers with the plot that I crafted. It'll mean the whole world to me if even just one person enjoyed my story.

More things will go here in the future.

Act 1: Life Expectancy

In Her Hand
- Our hero ends up with Miki during the festival.

Act 2: Dip

Settling In
- Someone shows the new kid the ropes.
Old New Habits
- A familiar face reminds Hisao of his responsibilities for himself.
A Thousand Miles
- A single step.
Marvel
- Suzu talks superheroes.
Form
- Hisao attends the track meet with Suzu.
Unmasked
- Our hero learns a little more about our heroine with a little chemical assistance.
Costumes
- Aspirations and status quos are tested.
Charged Particles and Chaos Theory
- Our hero goes on a field trip.
Grounds and Facts
- We get proof of what's real and what's not.
Closed Tuck-In
- Both parties make decisions about their future.

Act 3: Hesitation

Secret Identity
- Hisao and Miki celebrate their first new week of school.
Backstage Pass
- Hisao takes some time to reassess his life with a little background assistance.
Unusual Tradition
- Things seem like they're back to normal, and Hisao gets an invitation.
Detective Comics
- More secrets are unveiled as Hisao goes to town.
Faster Than a Speeding Bullet
- Our dynamic duo travels.
Assemble
- Hisao, meet brothers. Brothers, Hisao.
Last edited by acquireTigris on Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:37 am, edited 35 times in total.
Dancing: My Miki Pseudo-route

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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by Comrade » Thu Aug 21, 2014 11:29 am

I think i saw something like this before
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by acquireTigris » Thu Aug 21, 2014 11:35 am

Comrade wrote:I think i saw something like this before
Yeah, I checked the forums. There's one that's currently unfinished and hasn't been touched for years.

Hopefully I'll keep the will to finish this thing.
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:07 pm

I wish you the best of luck!

Numerous Miki routes have been attempted over the last few years, and sadly all of them seem to wither and die. It's a shame since she has such potential as a character. It's a bit of an in-joke in the community as to how many Miki routes get abandoned :lol:

That being said, how are you going to post your story? Do you have a few chapters written, or are you going to post an outline and then flesh it out accordingly?
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by acquireTigris » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:12 pm

Eurobeatjester wrote:I wish you the best of luck!

Numerous Miki routes have been attempted over the last few years, and sadly all of them seem to wither and die. It's a shame since she has such potential as a character. It's a bit of an in-joke in the community as to how many Miki routes get abandoned :lol:

That being said, how are you going to post your story? Do you have a few chapters written, or are you going to post an outline and then flesh it out accordingly?
Admittedly, I'm outlining and fleshing them out slowly, but I'm making sure that each chapter is decent, and I'm putting out effort to at least make ten chapters per act. I've already mapped the general plot in my mind, though, but listing them down un-chronologically is too much of a hassle for me at the moment.

Best of luck to your Saki route, too! I've never read it yet, but I will soon enough. :D
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by Comrade » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:14 pm

It would be nice if you make a thread only when you actually have what to post
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by acquireTigris » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:15 pm

Comrade wrote:It would be nice if you make a thread only when you actually have what to post
It's happening, hold your horses.
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by Comrade » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:24 pm

acquireTigris wrote:
Comrade wrote:It would be nice if you make a thread only when you actually have what to post
It's happening, hold your horses.
this kind of behavior can award you a nuke
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by brythain » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:32 pm

acquireTigris wrote:
Comrade wrote:I think i saw something like this before
Yeah, I checked the forums. There's one that's currently unfinished and hasn't been touched for years.

Hopefully I'll keep the will to finish this thing.
There's one that's just been updated recently: LINK.

But it's always interesting to see new stuff! If there's new stuff to see, that is… :(
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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In Her Hand

Post by acquireTigris » Thu Aug 21, 2014 1:44 pm

In Her Hand

I wake up to the sound of bustling outside my window. Has it started? Have the feminists begun their attack? Are we being invaded-.

Oh God. I'm starting to sound like Kenji. I reinforce my idea that keeping away from him as much as I can would be the best thing to do. For both of us.

Kicking off the sheets, I gain some cognition on today's events. It's the festival, it's past noon, and I've got nothing better to do. I contemplate on staying in the room for the rest of the day since I already skipped half of it, but I force myself to get up and get dressed anyway. I don't want to be locked up in four walls doing nothing. It reminds me too much of the hospital, and the... incident. I'm still uncomfortable with accepting the fact that I will never live a normal life since it happened.

It's jarring that I'm getting used to downing more than a dozen pills in one sitting. I cap every bottle and try to push them so they form a good semblance of order, but it couldn't be helped. There were too many for my tiny desk. I give up and don my jacket. It's a tight fit. I feel like a spring roll.

Just as I was about to enter the hallway, the door across mine creaks open and out pops a head. "Has it started? Is the feminist invasion coming?" Kenji hisses like an alley cat. It seems like the hullabaloo from outside stirred him, too.

"Funny. I was thinking the same thing."

"Hisao, my man! I knew that was you the moment I saw you." The way he says it, I feel like he doubted that it was actually me, the guy from across the hall. Kenji slinks between the crack of his door and gives me a hearty pat on the shoulder. His morning breath reeks of leeks, eggs, and - is that whiskey? I don't even want to know. This guy really needs to take a hint about personal hygiene, and especially personal space. "Great minds think alike, you know," he continues, squeezing my shoulder in what he believes to be an affirming manner. I don't want to be associated with your train of thought, Kenji.

"So I've heard," I reply, gingerly picking his hand off and brushing it back to him. "Got any plans today?"

"Whaddaya mean?" he asks.

"The festival. You do realize it's today right?"

His cheerful mood suddenly drops, like if I told him that his dog died, or that he was getting kicked out of Yamaku. Wait, scratch that. I think he might like getting kicked out of Yamaku, seeing as he thinks it's a feminist stronghold and everything. Getting expelled might as well be a one way ticket to safety for him.

I really need to stop thinking Kenji's thoughts.

"I've got plans," he finally says. I was starting to worry if he was ever going to function again. "None of them involve joining that festival. It's the devil's fund raiser, and I will not spend a cent that will help those feminists further their plans to rule the world."

"Chill out," I groan. "It's probably not what you think. Probably. And besides, there's food and drinks outside. There might be a game or two that'll be actually fun. And who knows, maybe you'll get to spend the day and have the chance to be -," dare I say it, "normal."

"Normal isn't an option for me anymore," he frowns. "Not when I know the truth. There's evils in this world, man. Evils. And it's my responsibility to save the planet from those evils. Because if I don't, who will?" The poor guy's going Peter Parker on me. "I've got all the food and drink I need, and I don't need to face the outside. I won't need to resupply for at least a week."

"Do you happen to have whiskey in there with you?" I ask, my voice dripping with saccharine.

"What!? Who told you that? Did someone put up surveillance in my room? Did you bug me!?" Kenji goes berserk on me. I'm glad the entire dorm's devoid of life apart from me and him right now. The ruckus would've attracted many a curious gaze.

"Just intuition. You did say great minds think alike." I can't believe I'm obliging this guy.

"Er- yeah. I did. And that is one good idea you thought of, that I happened to have thought of, too." He's back to being calm in a fraction of a second. I need to take notes on nonchalance from this guy. "Anyway, I've got to bunker in. Get ready for what's to come. Fight the good fight, my man." He hammers a fist into the air and leaves it hanging there for an awkward five seconds. I think he was expecting me to bump his fist or something.

"Yeah, I'll be seeing you," I murmur, and he nods. As I walk down the hallway, I can hear half a dozen instances of metal scraping against metal from his room.



The school is crowded with people, and half of the population isn't made up of students. It seems like the locals come to visit Yamaku once a year for its festival, and the students' parents are probably in this human sea, too. This school feels solitary at times, but a part of me is glad that right now isn't the case.

I find myself in front of a takoyaki stand. I fish in my wallet for some spare change and treat myself to a good healthy breakfast of octopus balls. Okay, that actually sounds wrong on so many levels. It's very oily, and I could almost hear Emi reprimanding me for eating something very unhealthy for my first meal of the day. Damn you, thoughts. I'm starting to feel guilty for actually eating this junk, but not guilty enough that I don't finish all four balls. I find a nearby vending machine and drown my meal with a can of chilled coffee, which earns me the second regret of the day. Coffee probably isn't good for a guy with a heart problem. I'm definitely stopping all these bad habits.

I take another sip.

Starting tomorrow. I might as well enjoy what I won't be doing anytime soon.

I don't have anything better to do anymore, so I aimlessly wander through the numerous booths that the festival had to offer. There was a ring toss game (where I lost a few bills from, and all I got from it was a stupid keychain), a photo booth, a fishing game booth, a-.

"Yo," says the girl managing the fishing booth. I don't know why I didn't notice her at first; she was eye-catching from her height, to her dark skin tone, to her strange choice of uniform, visible behind the thin apron she's wearing. "Are you gonna help me out here or what?" Though she phrased herself in a commanding manner, she was smiling.

"Huh?" I turn toward her for a better look and realize that she looked familiar. She should be; she was a classmate of mine from 3-3. As for her name...

"Who are you again? Sorry, I'm not big on names," I admit, slightly embarrassed. We're barely twenty in the room and I don't even know hers.

"It's Miki Miura, and I was wondering when you'd show up. The class rep 'slash' Prez assigned you and me to take care of the fishing booth for this hour. And your hour's half-up."

We have a booth? Crap. I must've missed the note while I was daydreaming last week. At least I think it was declared last week. "Shizune's gonna kill me, isn't she?" I gulped.

"Not if she doesn't find out. We don't want her to find out, do we?" Is she blackmailing me?

She winks.

She's definitely blackmailing me.

"Think fast," she shouts, and hastily tosses a plastic apron at me, which I miserably fail to catch. She laughs at my failure. "Thirty minutes of sitting down and waiting for someone to rent a net isn't going to kill you, you know."

Thirty minutes with this brash girl? I'm not so sure I'll survive.

I sigh in defeat and deflate onto a tiny stool beside her. On the bright side, she's kinda hot, so at least my eyes won't be bored.



We both fold our aprons and stack them on top of each other. Miki is counting our earnings, while I'm reliving actually having a little fun watching students fish using tiny nets the size of an average hand. Two of our classmates approach us, and Miki reports our income to them while they record it the class' little book-of-numbers.

"You got any plans after this, Nakai?" She asks, bending down slightly to peer at me, her necktie hanging loosely around her collar, her face a little too close to mine, her sternum-.

Woah there. My face backs away instinctively. "Uhh, I've got nothing, actually, no... And how do you know my name?" I stare at her.

"Everyone knows who you are, foo'." She lets out a bark of a laugh. "One more name to memorize isn't going to be a problem for us locals." She emphasizes that last word with a bit of a country twang.

"Fair point," I reply. "Just call me Hisao. Calling me Nakai makes it sound like you're calling my dad."

"Aye, Nakai," she replies and mock-salutes me. I leer at her some more. "Hisao," she says apologetically after, and sticks out her tongue at me. "No need to get your panties in a bunch." I am both taken aback and amused by her colorful vocabulary.

"Dunno about you," she says, "but I'm gonna loaf around on the bleachers." She motions her head toward the track, behind the multitude of booths scattered around the campus.

"A better plan than any," I remark. "I don't have anywhere else to go anyway."

"No friends?" Astute observation, Miki.

I lower my head in embarrassment. "No," I admit.

"I get it," she replies. "You're the new kid, and you just got here. It's not like you're going to hoard the entire school's attention for friends. Or girls," she added. You could almost hear the laughter in her voice, though clearly she wasn't WAHAHAing. "It's still too early to give up. You'll find a pal or two, I guarantee it." She flashes me a smile, and it's probably the most genuine smile I've seen on her. I can't help but smile back.

"Yeah, thanks," Oh Hisao, you slayer.

Though I'm already familiar with the school's track-and-field, I felt that it was more gentlemanly if I let the lady lead the way, especially if the lady was the one who suggested wasting time there. And waste time we did. I took in the hustle-and-bustle of the festival from my perch, while Miki just lies down across the topmost bleacher and stares at the dimming sky. I only remember just now that she only had one hand. Why I remember just now boggles me. Then I realize that it was the way that she carried herself that made me feel that she was normal. Hanging out with Miki almost made me forget that I was in a school for crip- the disabled.

The sky turns from bright blue to a slow melancholy orange. Night continues to fall. My stomach has already forgotten about my tiny brunch. It audibly grumbles. If Miki noticed, she doesn't let me know. She's been quiet for the past few hours. Maybe she fell asleep?

"Here it comes," she says. So she isn't asleep. What's comi-.

Suddenly, a bright explosion lights the twilight sky, followed by a bang. A second rocket shoots out of nowhere and fills the air with more tracers and sparks. Fireworks. Of course, a school with a hefty tuition and reputation could afford to have fireworks. It's a new sensation seeing them so close, though. I feel like watching the display from the rooftop would be a good plan, but a part of me is screaming not to do that. Though the smoke and sparks waft ever so close to where we're lying down, I and Miki don't budge an inch. I am so mesmerized by the display, I don't even close my eyes as the embers fly toward my face. It's a miracle I didn't go blind. One would think that the ashes would probably be piping hot, but it simply felt like it was raining light dust.

I sit at and contemplate the awe and beauty after the lights and sound fade away. There was silence, then applause from the booths, then the noise from the afternoon came back as if nothing happened.

"Hey," Miki says as she props herself up with an elbow. "Wanna grab some dinner?"

She knows.

"Sure," I say.

Next
Last edited by acquireTigris on Sun Sep 07, 2014 2:03 am, edited 10 times in total.
Dancing: My Miki Pseudo-route

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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/22)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Thu Aug 21, 2014 2:29 pm

I like your writing style. It comes across as very believable and I look forward to seeing more.

One small critique I would make on this chapter: The focus should be on Miki, and instead Kenji seems to get more face time. The stuff with Kenji is funny and extremely in character, however I would have expected the Miki part to be longer, and it doesn't seem thought out as well as the start of the chapter.

Also, you mention 3 times in pretty rapid succession variations of "thinking like Kenji."

Other than that, good start :D
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (started August 21, 2014)

Post by azumeow » Thu Aug 21, 2014 2:50 pm

Comrade wrote:
acquireTigris wrote:
Comrade wrote:It would be nice if you make a thread only when you actually have what to post
It's happening, hold your horses.
this kind of behavior can award you a nuke
Let's take it down a notch, folks.
"I don’t want to be here anymore, I know there’s nothing left worth staying for.
Your paradise is something I’ve endured
See I don’t think I can fight this anymore, I’m listening with one foot out the door
And something has to die to be reborn-I don’t want to be here anymore"

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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/22)

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:03 pm

Decent start, though it's going to catch my attention simply by being a Miki route. Looking forward to more.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/22)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:54 pm

Maybe you should think of a title for the story and rename the thread accordingly. "Yet another Miki-Pseudo-Route" is not exactly inspiring confidence...

The writing is a bit rough, but I think most of that can be fixed once you get the tenses right. You're jumping between past and present tense a lot and that causes the reader to pause and parse your sentence every time. Also temporal adverbs are sometimes used... not very intuitively, e.g.:
I just recently remember that she only had one hand
Normally "recently" is used to describe an event that happened in the past - that's what recently means. Here you use it with a present tense which does not make sense.

I don't mind the Kenji scene at the beginning, but I agree that it seems to be more fleshed out than the parts with Miki.
Hisao meets her, they exchange a few words - flash forward to the end of the shift.
They walk to the track and then the entire time until the fireworks is glossed over with the five words "And waste time we did." That felt a bit cheap... Okay, very cheap.

As for your Miki, the characterization seems mostly okay - there's not much that is canon anyway - but it's a bit strange that on one hand she has such a "colourful vocabulary" and on the other she's calling him Nakai.
Not that irl Japanese students don't call themselves by their last names... In fact it's normal, so Hisao probably wouldn't "feel older" just because of that. So, if you're going for western usage of names, Miki calling him Nakai would definitely be strange, and if you're going for Japanese usage, Hisao being offended would be strange...
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Re: A Miki pseudo-route (updated 8/22)

Post by acquireTigris » Thu Aug 21, 2014 8:09 pm

Thank you for the criticism, guys. I was writing the chapter at 2 AM with little scratch papers I'm using as drafts. I'll edit accordingly and use a little material I got from my dreams (I kid you not) to make Act 1 better.

First of all, English isn't my first language, though I don't find that as an excuse for being lackluster at using it.

I apologize if I cannot flesh Miki's character out in the first chapter alone. She is essentially someone that Hisao only met very recently, and he has no info on her whatsoever aside from her being his classmate. If he talks to her now, he's stumped (no pun intended). Kenji, on the other hand, is someone he's familiar with, thus he could almost-openly say whatever he wants to say to the guy.

On the bright side, this is a Miki route, not a Kenji one, so she's obviously going to be the focus of the plot. There will be plenty of chances for plot development in the future, and there will be plenty of chances to learn from you guys.

I'll update as soon as I can. Thanks again!
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