Act 1: Rising Son
Scene 3: Baka to Tesuto
*I went through and edited this scene so hopefuly it flows better, keep updated on what you all think. Thanks![2016/05/04]*
I stand outside of the classroom, ready for whatever may await me. After a restful night and a great deal of studying with Nori, I think I'm ready. I even formally adopted the ponytail and bangs Nori showed me yesterday—fresh start, eh? Maybe this new hairstyle can signify my rebirth into a new me, almost like a dramatic vengeance scene where the hero cuts their hair to show their conviction?
I've always been something of a shadow for the class. If the class was filled with a thick, heavy fog, nobody would even notice their own shadow was gone as they looked around. That's similar to me, every day,shy and unnoticed. I'm still shy, and I think I always will be shy. Bu...But, no longer do I want to be forgotten, like trash at the side of the road. I want people to at least know I exist! I bet half the people in my class don't even know I exist. I think the only people who even know of my existence are: Okazaki, Nori, Yuuto, and my Dad. It's time for that to change. I think, I want to be more than I was before, I’m not overly bothered that I don’t have friends, but I think it would be nice to at least try and make an effort.
I'm gonna change this, I'm not gonna like anything about getting there, but hopefully when I get there I can be happy. I take a deep breath and steel myself for my entrance, feeling my heart begin to race and my throat tighten with anxiety. I grip my fists tightly and walk into the classroom, trying to put on an air of confidence outside of my body that my insides refused to allow.
I make myself as tall as I can, which arguably isn’t the average,much to my chagrin. Everyone seems relatively preoccupied, either studying or talking amongst themselves. Even Okazaki seems distracted, reading some book at her desk intently, her eyes quickly darting from word to word as if she were struggling to keep up. I walk up to Nori who sits exhausted in his seat, he has his head on the desktop and an arm under it creating a makeshift pillow. The back of his head is facing up towards the world, his face nestled away from all things, his back slowly rising and falling rhythmically.
I guess he didn't sleep as well as I did? I knock on the wooden desktop creating a small tapping sound, doing my best to get his attention without seeming obnoxious I hold my hands behind my back and smile as he looks up at me drowsily. He has dark rings around his eyes, which are only magnified by his glasses. His skin is pale and sickly looking. His quintessential smile is gone, replaced by a mouth that is partly open with a bit of drool hanging out creating a strand that connects it to a small puddle on his desk. Okay, he definitely, didn't get enough sleep,if any!
“You.... feeling okay?” I ask nervously, tensing my hands behind my back as I gaze down at him sympathetically.
He gives a dry chuckle before groaning “ I'm so tired. Excessive Daytime Sleepiness; happens sometimes. I can usually forget about it with my energy drink, but sadly it doesn’t always work.”
Oh, that would make sense, given his narcolepsy and all. I think it's better that he didn't drink that-, especially considering what it contains. Although, seeing him in this state makes me kinda sad. He's not as hyper as he usually is. I'm used to his voice booming all around the room and disrupting my reading. It’s like seeing the class clown cry or the happy, excitable pet seem depressed.
“You look nice,” he grumbles, bringing me out of my thoughts. I look down at my tired friend and in turn, he gives me a tired smile.”See you took a liking to the style I gave you yesterday.” His lips slowly part and he twitches slightly as he catches himself falling asleep.
“Y-Yeah, I...I did. Thank you.” I smile, feeling a blush come up and burn my cheeks.
“Seems you got yourself an admirer too.” He says, lifting his finger and pointing in Yuuto's direction, before falling back into place like a stone.
I look over and see what Yuuto is doing, he appears to be napping in his chair. He has his free arm on his stomach and his mouth is open. With every breath, his chest goes up and down like some sort of balloon. Wasn't he talking about Yuuto? I guess not, considering Yuuto's state of affairs, but who else? I look around and lock eyes with a particularly irate looking Saki. Her brown eyes are surrounded by dark circles, bloodshot and red, her piercing gaze cutting right through me and making me feel as if I stepped on her foot or something.
Why is everyone so tired? It's not just Nori; Yuuto, or Saki, but half of the class. What I first took for studying, is actually carefully hidden napping. Using textbooks and notebooks to mask the reprieve from the domain of the conscious. Was I the only one who got a good night's rest?
I give a small snort, I guess everyone was up late studying. Maybe I should have spent more time studying? What If it was all in vain, everyone else was up late, save Nori and I. Hell, even Nori seems to be tired. What if I didn't cover the right stuff? Oh no. Oh no. I feel my heart rate increase as I start to realise that maybe, I should have spent more time studying. Oh god, what if I fail? Then it would all have been a waste of time. My mind begins to swim with doubts and what ifs, I feel myself start to panic as my eyes open wide and my breathing quickens. I feel myself beginning to drown in self-professed doubts and fears.
“Eep!” I sequel, as I feel a sharp jab to my stomach. I jump up in shock and look down at a beleaguered Nori, hand still poised from his strike to my stomach.
“Don't sweat it, these guys wasted their time with studying. If you study too much you forget what's important. It's all about studying the right way and prioritising. Trust me, you got this in the bag!~” He smiles, with his normal gusto. Guess he had enough energy for that, I giggle slightly. He taps the side of his nose twice and gives me a coy wink, and I feel myself relax at his reassuring gesture.
Maybe he's right,no...he is right. I have to have faith, especially in my new friend. The old Kirino is gone, no more doubts, no more fear! I've already conquered a pretty big hurdle, this one can't be any higher?Right?Right! I'll finish this retest, then as a reward I will finish reading Maschera. When I get the test back, I'll do well. I'm sure of it.
“Heh, t-thanks,” I reply nervous, my voice not at all mimicking the confidence I feel inside.
He gives me a weak smile before laying his head back down, resuming his drooling and soft snoring.
I give a small smile before going to sit at my desk. I put my bag on its usual hook, gently sitting down and taking out my writing utensils and a few extra pieces of paper. I begin to write the date and my name at the top of the small pile of papers when I feel a tap on my arm. I look over nervously and meet Saya’s gaze, she gives me a joyful smile and a thumbs up“I like your hair.” She says happily.
Her comment makes me blush in embarrassment. Before now Saya never said anything to me, let alone complimenting me. I give a weak and whispered “thanks” before returning back to my preparations for the test. I guess it was a good idea to change up my hair, maybe this is my new look? I guess this really is a fresh start, a new friend, and a comment from someone who has never spoken to me. I feel a little joy at the prospect of a new start, I let a smile form on my lips.
As soon as my preparations are complete as if on the dot, Okazaki begins to hand out the retest. She does her usual speel. I've heard it a million times already. No cheating blah blah, get caught it's a zero, blah blah blah, looking fly Kirino blah blah.
Wait what? I look up and see Okazaki is talking to me personally. She gives me a smile and hands me the retest with a confident nod. I feel another blush creep up to my cheeks to mingle below my eyes. I mutter thanks even though she has already moved on and let out a small sigh of relief. I think this is the most compliments I have ever gotten into my life, I feel weird. Happy almost, is that vain? Arrogant? I don’t think it is, but I should play it safe. Don't want to get a big head. Wouldn’t do to have myself floating off and out the window when business is at hand.
Deciding to focus on the retest and apply my new found knowledge I feel a smile creep across my face as I stare at the first question.
1.When did The First World War start?
I guess I do have this in the bag! I quickly pencil in the answer before moving onto the second, much to my surprise it's another one I know. Before I know it, my hand is moving on its own accord, writing the answers down as my brain spews forth knowledge. I rip through the test, like a child on Christmas morning, eagerly expecting the gifts they so desperately desired. One after another questions fall to my mighty pencil and cunning brain. I look around me and see that most others are having significantly more trouble answering these questions. Even Yuuto looks like he is having a rough go or that just might be him sleeping again. I grimace at the thought before turning back to my own test. Hoping that someone would at least have the heart to give him extra time.
Eventually, I find myself at the very last question and am surprised by what it is asking.
Write down one thing you found the most interesting in this unit, what it is, and why?
It's an easy mark, so long as you pay attention.....which I didn't. I could guess at something, or I could just repeat something that was in one of the questions. If I repeated the question that would kinda be counter productive wouldn't it?It would probably be a safer bet if I just guessed, but if I talk about something we didn't cover I might get the question wrong and risk looking like an idiot. I'd rather not give off that impression, but I'm fairly sure most people probably think I'm already a bonafide mental-reject. I could always leave it blank, but that wouldn't be a smart choice either. Hmm...
I bring my green mechanical pencil to rest under my lip and find my eyes drifting towards the ceiling as I try to focus my thoughts and come to a decision.I decide to try out Lady Luck's favour and guess, I decide to write about the Christmas truce,unsure of whether or not we actually covered it in class. It's a good, but safe bet, especially considering I know what it is roughly thanks to that movie Nori and I watched.
I let out a sigh of content setting down my pencil and putting my work together neatly. I set the work down at the corner of my desk and put my hand up to show I'm finished. It seems I'm the only one who has finished so far. Is that good? Or bad? I don't know. Maybe I should pretend to write and wait until someone else puts their hand up? Too late. Miss.Okazaki is already walking over,a surprised look is painted upon her face. I guess she didn’t expect me to finish quite so soon. Well, in all honesty, neither did I.
“You sure?” she asks me hesitantly.
I take a deep breath, and suddenly I'm not sure. Am I done? Is it to the best of my ability? I give a quick nod almost automatically, regardless of any doubt that may linger in my heart.
She nods and picks up my test and smiles before walking away.
What's that mean? Was that a good sign, she certainly isn't cruel, so It wouldn't be a false gesture. Although she only looked at the first page, that only leaves the other three. I hope I did well, I feel kinda sick. I think I worked myself up too much. I sigh and sink back into my chair. I press myself up against the back of the chair and stare around the room. My eyes look up at the clock and it seems I spent little under an hour writing it. That's odd, it didn't even feel like that long. Usually, it feels like days have passed when we get a test in history. Funny how time works. The tortuous times I’ve spent with past tests reminds me of a certain genjutsu.
I continue to gaze around the room. Seems I'm not the only one done anymore, Yuuto is face down on his desk waving his test like a white flag. It almost seems like he gave up but even from across the room I can see the blue pen marks on his test. I can hear his incoherent mumbling from here. I wonder why he's so tired? He wasn't studying that's for sure. I guess the only way I could get the answer would be to ask him or have been there. Both seem equally impossible to achieve.
I wonder how Nori is doing? I look over at my friend and see he is no longer in his desk; well no longer sitting. I'm guessing he fell asleep..He's half hanging off the chair, his face squished against the white tiled floor and a puddle of drool forming below his head. I stifle a giggle at his predicament, but he quickly wakes up and rights himself in his chair. Deciding to act like nothing happened, he gives a short chuckle and goes back to writing his test. Oh Nori... I roll my eyes and decide to look around the rest of the class, finding myself examining another student.
Well to be more exact, they're examining me. Saki has got me in her sights like a very angry(and exhausted) looking hawk. Her honey-blonde hair is ruffled on her head from where she was scratching it with her eraser a few minutes prior. I wonder why she is looking at me? I didn't do anything to her did I? No, of course not. I've never talked to her, but then again it's Saki. She tends to be incredibly bitter and hateful from what I've heard. She kinda scares me to be honest, but then again; it doesn't take a lot to scare me.
I’ve heard countless stories about her, none of them have helped paint a pleasant picture of her. From outright cursing at people in the cafeteria to her pulling horrendous revenge pranks against unsuspecting individuals. It’s almost enough to cause a shiver to run up anyone’s spine. She has been nicknamed “The Ice Queen” and rightfully so if you follow the rumours. I suppose every school as it’s fair share of assholes, whether it’s for the disabled or abled.
I decide to look out the window for the remainder of the time we have, choosing to wait patiently as I pick apart a pink eraser. I watch the tree branches blow in the wind dancing away its fresh green buds clinging to the bony limbs, sprouting out from their partner determined to dance their own path. A small bird perches on a branch and looks at me, tilting its head slightly as chimes away. It ruffles its feathers and hops around, singing away its little tune. It reminds me of a poem I once read in English class, “‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words.” I smile softly to myself just in time to watch the small creature take to the wind again
The next few minutes pass by uneventfully until eventually everyone has handed in their test and Okazaki announces she needs to go get the marking booklet from her car. She carelessly tosses the tests in a desk drawer before slamming it shut and locking it with her key. She quickly slides the key back into her pocket before asking if anyone wants to help her.
A minute or so of awkward silence passes by as nobody raises their hand, even Nori seems to be avoiding her eye contact. The tension is practically physical as her eyes glance around the room looking for a helper. In a show of faux-confidence, I raise my hand to volunteer, hoping that it at least pays off. I can feel myself shaking with fear as I do so and thank myself that I can at least attempt to put on an air of confidence.
“Okay Kiri, come on. Thanks for the help too.” Okazaki smiles and beckons me to follow her out of the class grabbing her car keys from atop the desk, their jagged edges scraping across the wooden surface. I stand up shyly, feeling the literal burn off everyone's eyes as I shuffle to the front of the class and out the door awkwardly.
I let out a relaxed sigh no longer feeling my classmates burning gaze. I really don't like when people look at me, never have, It’s a wonder if zoo animals feel the same way. I give a quick glance over at Okazaki and see her smiling down at me with a toothy grin. Why is she smiling?
“Follow me Kiri, we just need to get to the teacher's parking lot.” I shudder where I stand, I feel like many dark things have been ushered in with that little sentence.
She begins to walk down the hall and I turn to follow, the remnants of the blush fading off of my face from the classes unwanted attention. The halls are empty, devoid of any presence save the two of us. I can hear tidbits from the other classes, not enough to understand what's going on, but enough to vaguely understand the topic. The halls feel cold, I wonder if someone left a window open? It's spring, but the weather hasn't quite warmed up entirely yet the air still has the nip of winter to it. It's nice, spring has always been my favourite season. Not too warm, not too hot. Most people like summer, but I despise the heat,more than social interactions, but not by much.
The summer is always burningly hot, sweaty, sticky, and people are always out muddling about. At least in the winter you can put on more clothes, in summer, you can only take so much off before you’re naked. Although you couldn't exactly get that far in public, at least I hope you couldn't. Spring, where the weather is nice, and everything is springing to life, even with the copious amount of rain and threat of typhoons it remains nice. I sometimes open a window to air out my stuffy room, while I watch anime. If I did that in winter, well, it wouldn't be the smartest of ideas, for me or the carpet.
We walk down the first flight of stair without talking as I narrate my take on the different seasons until Okazaki says something, that takes me aback.
“I'm proud of you, you really pushed yourself today. Handing in your test first, new hair style, and volunteering to help. I know you're shy, but I'm glad you're making an effort. Your father would be so proud although he might shed a tear and say something like..” she says affectionately, looking over at me with a soft smile. Then in a really terrible deep voice and horrendous impression tries to mimic my dad “My baby girl is growing up! Why yesterday I remember when you were barely taller than my knee!” Her interpretation of Dad makes me laugh a little. That is something he would do, even though the voice was horribly done.
“Remember you're thirteenth birthday?” Okazaki asks as we walk out into the school lobby, our footstep echoing around the spacious area.
I chuckle in reply and quietly say “How could I forget.”
Okazaki shakes her head with a laugh pinching the bridge of her nose before continuing.“That man was driving me nuts with the amount of pictures he was taking. One here, one there. I'm sure the restaurant probably thought he was some stalker or something. Nothing like blinding flashes between bites of English food.”
With her mention of the night, I giggle softly and find my lips curling into a toothy grin. In fact, I remember the night all too well, the three of us went out to dinner at my favourite restaurant The Green Knight. I've always had a taste for western foods, it didn't help that my dad was equally obsessed with it. He always used to say” Japanese breakfast leaves something to be desired, back at your grandparents we used to eat pancakes and syrup for breakfast. Little bit of eggs, some bacon and yer’ off to the show! These Okonomiyaki are not the same as a good ol' Canadian breakfast!”. Repeating the same thing almost every morning, like a broken record.
I guess growing up with a Western father had its benefits. I can speak English as well any native, but it had its drawbacks too. Namely not being able to see your relatives too often. I usually only ever see my Dad's parents for big holidays like Christmas or Easter. My mother's parents,well they don't talk to me,they hate my dad. They blame him for my mum...
I feel a frown spread across my face as a pang of pain tugs at my heart. I guess if they're like that, then who would want to meet them? Heh... The thought doesn't make me feel any better. I’m reminded of the countless nights when I was younger and would ask Dad if ‘Mummy’s parents’ were coming to visit. He’d give me a small smile and the same old line “They couldn’t make it, this time, maybe next time?”. It wasn’t until I got older that he told me the truth, that they would never come, even all the times he asked them personally or not. I remember him tucking me away gently as he said it, his eyes looking somewhat sad. What I thought was originally sadness on their behalf for not being able to come, was really sadness at them not wanting to come.
Before I get a chance to continue my train of thought we arrive at Okazaki's car, the short beep as it unlocks dragging me from my thoughts. I shake my head and force my mind to the present, ripping it from any nostalgic memories that my wish to remain.
“We're here.” She announces as we approach her old white Honda. She's had this car since I was fourteen, isn't it about time she gets a new one? God forbid I mention something like I did last time. I don't get how someone can get so attached to a piece of metal or attach feelings to something inanimate. One of the many mysteries of life I suppose or just another stupid thing adults do.
“Well.” She starts off, opening up a few of the doors on her side and motioning for me to do the same” The reason I needed a volunteer was to deliver this.” She says pulling out a cardboard box from the passenger side.
She gives me the box slowly. When I firmly get a hold onto it I find it is not as heavy as it looks or imagined. I give it a small shake to investigate its contents and am disappointed at a muffled incomprehensible sound emerging from within. I wonder what's in it? It's probably none of my business.
“Where to?” I ask matter of factly.
“Class 3-3, Mutou should be there. Just tell him; delivery from Miss.Okazaki.”
She didn't say what was in it,that's suspicious. Are they involved in an illicit drug ring? Probably not, but that doesn't stop me from eyeing the box up. I squint my eyes at its cardboard flesh and taped top.
“Don't get your hopes up. It's just some vegetables for one of his classes' science labs. Nothing too big.” She says, no doubt making note of my suspicious gaze.
Aww vegetables? No explosives or anything. I let out a sigh accompanied by a slight frown.
“Off ya get, I need to find this booklet and then speak to Nomiya.” she shudders at the art teacher's name. “Creepy bastard.” she mutters under her breath, hoping that I couldn’t hear.
I give a slight giggle before setting out to find Mutou's class. That's on our floor right? I give a shrug and realise the more time I spend out of class, the better the time I will be having.
After climbing the stairs and walking down the third-floor hallways I find class 3-3 and knock. I'm greeted with Mutou's very scratchy response “Come in.”
I nod then quickly shake my head, realising there's nobody I'm nodding to. Unless he can see me? Which he can't, the door doesn't have windows.
I take a deep breath open the door and walk in as if I were about to be doused in cold icy water. The class has a similar setup to that of our room, except all the decorations having seemingly vanished and have yet to be replaced. I see Mutou likes to keep his classroom blank and boring. I've only been here a few times, usually with Okazaki, but something is off about the class. Did somebody change their hair? I look over at Misha and see she still has the typical pink hair drills and giant cat-like predatory grin. She scares me at times, in fact, she probably scares a lot of people. If it's not somebody's hair...is somebody missing? I glance around the room examining the various students as if I were a fancy person picking out a horse to bet on. Guy with the yellow hair band, check. Girl missing hand,check. Shizune and Misha,check. Cute boy with messy hair, che... Wait what?
I look over at this new mystery boy giving him a good glance over. He looks at the chalkboard, his mouth forming a sullen frown. His brown eyes look sad, devoid of any life,any joy, like the expression a puppy makes when it’s own leaves it behind to go into a store. He looks like he's trapped here, abandoned even. Since I haven't seen him previously I'm guessing he's a new student, or at least newer than those that joined us at the beginning of the semester. I guess that's why he looks so unhappy? Is that the right word? He definitely looks unhappy, but more than that. Depressed maybe? It’s somewhere between the deprived state that is depression and more than the feeling of absolute abandonment. Both the Japanese and English lacks a word I could even use to describe such a particular feeling, but at merely a glance I can recognise it.I don't know him, so I couldn't say for sure, but his demeanour looks familiar. He looks like I do, or I did rather, but an entirely different shade of emotion paints him. Sad, lonely, dejected and miserable are but minor ways of describing it.
His messy brown hair lay amok on his head, his tie crooked and loose. He looks like he just got up and went here, like he didn't even care what he looked like. Which is a shame, he looks pretty cute. His frown looks so out of place, as if it just moved in where a smile used to live. I wonder if he is sad because of his new found “problem”, more commonly called a disability? He's not missing any limbs,at least from what I can see. Probably something internal, maybe diabetes like me? That's probably unlikely, considering I think he would have come here sooner or at least started the year off normally like most others do. I find myself intrigued by this boy, this new kid,he has certainly piqued my interest. I tilt my head quizzically and nearly jump when a voice breaks me from my trance.
“Can I help you?” Mutou asks me, boredom evident in his voice. He looks down at me expectantly, like he’s been waiting for me to say something for a while.
The boy looks over at me and I blush instantly. I feel my face go entirely red, as if my body was on fire. I spin on my heel and quickly bow and hold out the box for Mutou to take.
“DeliveryfromMiss.Okazakishesaiditwasvegetables!” I say, my mouth moving a thousand miles per hour and barely making more than a single convoluted statement.
He takes the box from my hands lazily not bothering to say anything. As soon as the box is taken from my hands I say goodbye so quickly it comes out incoherently and I dart out of the room, before Mutou can even utter out a thank you. Leaving a puff of proverbial smoke behind me. My heart beats quickly and my body is as red as a tomato. I throw myself up against the wall near the door, my breathing quick and shallow. My embarrassment was clearly visible at being caught ogling the new kid, a fact that makes me only more embarrassed.
Ugh, Kirino, you're such a fruit. I slap my face with my hand as I enter an embarrassed face-palm. I head back to class, with an embarrassed groan as my face loses it flush returning to its normal complexion right before I reach the classroom door.
Way to go Kirino just made a fool of yourself in front of the new kid. Way-To-Go. Maybe he likes cute awkward girls? Pfft, unlikely. I let out a very heavy sigh and roll my head around on my shoulders before shuddering in discontent.
I enter the class utterly defeated, barely noticing that Miss.Okazaki still isn't back. I guess business with Nomiya still isn't over. She must hate that. At least I wasn’t the only one suffering because of her errands. I walk past the sleeping Nori and head back to my seat to read pleased that I can at least relax a little before class resumes.
I feel my leg hit something and I fall forward with a literal“Umph”. I hit the ground with a loud thud and the air in my lungs is forcefully pushed out, making me cough somewhat as I come to realisation.
I look around and see everyone is looking at me and my face erupts into yet another blush, but nobody is laughing. Well, one person is laughing, but that's it. I stand up and dust myself off before turning to look at the sole person laughing—it’s Saki. She has one of her crutches out obscuring the lane. As if she wanted to trip somebody, and that somebody, was me. What the hell? I give her a somewhat irritated glance, but it comes off more nervous and afraid than I would have liked.
“ Have to watch where you're going Kirino.~” she laughs, one hand over her mouth and her eyes staring at me venomously like a snake.
Did I do something? The thought strikes me and causes me to replay the last few weeks of my life in my head and come to no such conclusion. In fact, I can honestly say I didn’t do anything to offend anyone.
“Err, sorry?” I say confused, my voice practically quivering with my nervous disposition.
“Yeah, you should be sorry.” she sneers from her desk, half of her lip turning into a snarl like some sort of angry dog.
“Did I... do something?” I ask Saki nervously. I do want to know. I’d rather not be on bad terms with anyone, especially if that bad terms involves the spotlight being forced onto me. This confrontation makes me feel like I’m some small helpless kitten being backed into the corner by some rapid street dog.
“Yeah, you did do something!” She starts, her voice cracking. Whether out of anger or sadness I can't make it out. Maybe both?” You like attention don't you? Changing your hair. You're trying to impress him.” she growls, slowly moving away from her desk and towards me.
Him? The new guy? Does she even know we have a new guy? She can't be talking about him, I mean I just changed my hair yesterday thanks to Nori. I know she isn't talking about Nori. So... who?
I hear the crowd start to mutter and whisper to each other, as they watch what's going on. I can even see Yuuto look, one eyebrow raised in as much confusion as I feel emanating inside of me. Nori, still asleep is not able to help me in this scenario, making me feel yet even more helpless.
“You like him, that's what is going on! You like him, but you know what? He doesn't like you!” She practically yells this last sentence as she raises herself to her feet, straightening her usually hunched over figure. She really is trying to start a fight with me. Over what, I'm still not sure. But that fact doesn’t make me any less terrified.
“I'm sorry?” I say, trying to end the fight here and now.
“Damn right you're sorry! Thinking Yuuto likes you. How can he like a shut-in like you?” she says, half laughing half crying. I can see tears starting to form at the base of her eyes, and slowly trickle down her cheeks. It's about Yuuto, how I didn't guess. She must have seen us talking or heard about him buying Nori and me pizza. I look over and see Yuuto, he has his face buried in his hand in what I can only get is embarrassment. He probably wants this to be over as much as I do, yet he's not the one who is being insulted. I know I shouldn't listen to her, but it's true. I am a shut in, and it hurts me.
At this sudden accusation, the crowd starts to mutter with a much more fevered pace and I even see some of the other girls grow visibly upset while others choose to laugh.
“How could he choose you? I mean look at you! You're a shut in, lazy, and not to mention,a stupid little girl!” she barks, her insults literally driving me backwards.
Jab after jab, trying to vent her anger at me, for something I didn't even know about. Hell, I don't even like Yuuto, but does he like me? Didn't he say he had a lady friend or what not? Yet, I feel more and more hurt with every jab. I look in the crowd,desperately searching for help.I see Emi who is just standing there dumbstruck. looking like she wants to do something, but remains frozen in place.
“No wonder your Dad went to live overseas, he can't stand having you as a daughter!” She screams the words, through her tears and angered sobs.
The last jab hits me like a bag of bricks.
I feel tears form in my eyes and burn as they settle down into flowing rivers below my eyes. She's right, she's right isn't she? I don't want to believe it, but I'm so scared its true. It was one of my fears and now she's using it as a weapon against me. I can't stay here anymore, I just need to take myself out of this situation. I start to walk towards the exit, my body shaking in violent jerks as I force myself forward. The makeup I used for the first time in my life runs down my face into tire tracks of pain. Saki throws insult and taunt at me as if they flowed off the tongue, but the damage is done.All the voices sound like muffled noises to me as I feel myself succumb to the very monsters we all fear, loneliness, self-esteem issues, fear of our own body, fear of the very people we hold dear. My desperate walk turns into a fevered run as I burst out of the crowd and out into the hall. Sobbing and crying. I leave a trail of tears behind me as I run to the only place I know that is close and safe,the bathroom.
I run into the bathroom and lock myself in a stall, sitting on the top of a toilet seat, hugging me legs to my chest. I feel my heart pound away painfully in my chest and my breathing desperate between each sob. I hug my legs tightly and cry into them. Waiting for the sadness to stop, and the pain in my chest to disappear. I can feel my emotions swirl around me, demanding to be answered as I slowly rock myself trying to shut out their voices. I can’t help but think that she was right.