Steel [We're on the third chapter now!]

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Steel [We're on the third chapter now!]

Post by GodlyVirus » Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:11 am

Story Notes*

Since I lack this little thing called organzation, (and spelling) the chapters are sprinkled about the pages, currently the first 2 parts are on the first page and the third part is on on page 2)

I am not a morning person, never have been, never will. So when I'm woken up by the sun and its stupid skin cancer death rays I just sulk in a corner until I can manage see anything at all in the morning. However this morning, instead being pissed about being woken up so early, I'm just worried that I missed my iron shots, again. I have Anemia, a condition when your body can't absorb enough iron. This is very bad because iron is important for things like being able to stand and just in general, exist. I roll over on my bed to check my alarm clock, only to find it's been unplugged by Sleep Me. Thanks, Sleep Me. Wasting no time, and by that I mean put on normal clothes, I walk to the door and begin my journey to the infirmary. But before me lays a most powerful enemy, a woman. Trickish devils whose only existence is to cause suffering. She stands almost at my height and has a ribbion for the second years and has brown hair that almost covers her eyes and comes down to her neck. Who and what was she doing at my door? No clue.

"You dead?" She asks with face that would curdle milk, or make it some kind of super curdle that causes diarrhea.

"Physically no, mentally yes."

She scowls hard enough to almost make me disappear, and I definitely want to.

"Come on, let's go to The Doc, you already look like you seen a ghost."

With that we heads towards the destination of "The Doc." While we walk, as my vision steadily returns and I can get a good look at my companion, like things other than her chest size. She is of a slightly taller height, almost close to my own and hair that reminds me of lemons. I like lemons, they're like apple's tart cousin. She also has an aura when walking that just seem to get people out of the way and makes people immediately nervous around her. I doubt she enjoys anything expect pain and suffering. As I walk I also notice she has the ability to duplicate herself. In fact she's so good at it she manages to duplicate the entire hallway too. However it just makes me feel queasy.

"Hey can you st-"

I collapse.
I awake in the infamy with the general feeling of I just sleep on cardboard boxes, and to be fair, I probably did.

"Hey junior, you dead?"

"Physically no, ment-"

Apparently she doesn't take kindly to this joke because she punched so hard I think I lost many crucial bodily organs. I'll miss them.

"Hey junior, why were you late to your appoitment? You suicidal or something?"

"No, my alarm clock got unplugged."

"That's a pretty retarded excuse, junior."

"I agree."

"Listen, I don't want the Doc have more deaths on his shoulders, so stop being so retarded learn how to plug in an alarm clock. Also eat some real food."

How does she knows what I eat? Probably my small amounts of ramen bowls littered across the floor. She did see my room after all, I wonder if she saw anything dirty... Like clothes....

"I eat real food, I don't think there's such a thing as fak-"

"I don't mean your mountain of instant ramen bowls, I mean like something that a normal person eat, like meat or at least some bread."

"I don't know where to go for food." That wasn't entirely true though, I know where the cafeteria is, just not a huge fan.

"You mean you don't know where the cafeteria is?"

"I don't eat cafeteria food, they always make me eat the nasty iron vitamins, no I mean go out to town to eat normal, human food." She looks at me like I'm something she stepped on. Though I do see she's cooking up a plan, probably.

"Alright fine junior, I'll show a place, you coming?"

If I didn't know she despised me and everything around her, I would say she's inviting me out an date. Maybe she's some kind of super breed of tsundere. Which ever it is, I don't think this a good idea...

"I don't think there's enough time-"

"No you're excused for the rest of day from school."

"But I don't feel so well so I'm just gonna pass-"

"No you're feeling fine, come on let's go, by the way, you're paying for the food."

I guess that explains her excitement. I see that if I continue to resist I put my life at stake here so I cave.

"Alright fine, let's go."

For the first time I see her smile and am left wonder what happened to the grumpy, angry, diarrhea person I knew before. Whatever happened in the Mysterious Disappearance of Grumpy Face, I'm just glad I don't have to walk there in what I presume would be silence. I slide off the bed and walk to town with someone I can only assume has a case of Multiple Personality Disorder. As we walk to town, Grumpy Face eventually turns back into her true form.
"So kid, what class you in?"

"Im in class 1-3, not that really matters since I'm the official non existent student to prevent the mysterious deaths surrounding the class. Also my name is Yoshio, not "kid" for future reference."

"Yoshio? That's a stupid name, just like everything else about you." This bitch.

"You know, why do you do that?"

Standing there, thinking I am probably suicidal.

"Do what, kid?"

"You're act like you got a stick up your ass and you're better than everyone."

I probably should have acted more mature and polite, since she did help me when I passed out and I hardly even know her, but since I'm already buying her food, but she doesn't know anything about me besides that I was late to my shots and my hair is black. It just get on my nerves quicker than I'd like to admit. I definitely should have acted more mature, because as I see her now with tears in her eyes. Now I feel awful, I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut I guess.

"I think I should go..."

She begins in a little more of a jog then progessing into a sprint, leaving me standing there, thoughts racing through my mind. Should I chase after her? No, I think I'm last person she wants to see right now. Should I go back to my room? No, I don't think I be able to much expect regretting going up there and it also makes the chances of apologizing second to none at this point. So I just decide to wait and then go into town, that way, if I do find her, we'll both have calmed down and I can apologize for being a total dick. So I lean against the brick wall, closing my eyes and just taking a breather and just kind of realizing what a gigantic ass I was and thinking of what to say. About 5 minutes in I'm interrupted by what appears to be a small bundle of winter jackets.

"Excuse me, dude, are you alright? You seem to be not moving."

I look at the winter jackets suspiciously, then wondering what exactly IS that thing? Its voice is almost muffled to the point of wondering if it's a guy or a girl, I really can't say.

"Yeah I'm fine, I don't know about you though." ....Did It... Just growl at me? It takes me a couple seconds to realize that is a laugh, that or a very odd mating dance, though most likely a laugh.

"I'm doing great, all toasty warm.... You know.. Just enjoying that weather."
It ends it with a panic of mating dances, all the while, squeaking. "Anyways, anything I can help you with anything or do you regularly just lean against walls while wearing parachutes?"

It must be referring to my clothes, which never seem to fit no matter how hard I try. However it's pretty ironic that it pointed that out seeing how's it's practical like a moving pillow fort, expect instead of pillows... Jackets. But I am pretty hungry and since I have no idea where to go eat, I decide to take it up on its offer.

"I was going to a restaurant but I no longer have the directions to get there." This a convenient way of saying, "I was going to a restaurant but then I made a girl cry."

"Ouch, sounds like someone got ditched!" It pauses for dramatic effect, "Any idea what it is was called?"

"No. Idea." It stands there briefly with a sleeve at its hood, as if it was were plotting my death. I think that's just my inner 4 chan though..
"Well I have nothing better to do and I have a good place in mind, wanna come?"

"I don't see why not."

We walk the rest of the way in silence, not a bad kind of silence where you feel the pressure to say something but can't, the kind of silence where just no one feels like talking and we're all okay with that. Once we arrive at our destination, a small tea house by the name of The Shanghai. Once we're inside it begins removing its numerous layers skin until finally transforming into a human. A female one, with almost white hair, that looks she just toke a drill and left it on for a couple hours. With out the added benfit of 4 hoods, she's stands a little under my shoulders, however I see a first year sticking out of her jackets letting me know that she's just shorter for her age, or a physic spy who uses her ability to cheat on tests. Definitly a physic spy. Suddenly realizing I've been staring too long, I look around the cafe thingy, it's a odd blend between classical and new styles that I think if I had to work here, would definitely begin to bother me, but since I'm just a customer I have the ability of not caring that you can't seem to obtain while working, maybe it's thought of people judging you.

"So what do you think?" She asks, leaning in.

"It's a nice enough place, though there isn't anybody really here though." At this she giggles and says,

"Well you seemed like a hipster, so I picked a place that would fit your hipstery tastes."

She looks around and then continues with her rant like way of speaking, never pausing and just in general over exemplified hand gestures.
"Hey I'm hungry, wanna eat something?" At this I raise an eyebrow.

"Don't worry, I won't make you pay for my food or anything like that, come on I'm starving." As much I think this is a bad idea since I still haven't seen a menu and have no idea what the prices are, I'm too hungry to argue so I plop down from the seat opposite of hers.
"So..." As she questions she moves her body upwards, like a spring going off in slow motion, kind of, you know what I'm talking about.

"What's your name?"

"My name?"

"That's what I said."

"Yoshio, what's yours?"

"I'm Emiko, pleased to make your company for today." She says with a grin on her face the entire time.

The waiteress comes by to take our order, all which she does in a very nervous fashion and bows far too steeply, almost headbutting me in the process.

"Who was that lady? Is it her first day or something?"

I ask because, headbutting waitresses aren't common and.. I don't know why not?
"No actually, she's been working here for as long I've been attending this school, which was... This year."

She bursts into another giggling fit, which is quite odd given her posture which is quite pompous, sitting straight up and keeping her hands parallel at her side, though that may be just her other 2 layers of winter jackets. Even though I think it might be a bad idea, curiosity gets the better of me.
"Can I ask why you're wearing so many jackets?"

She looks at me with a questioning look, then grins like I made a really bad move in a chess game.
"It's mostly because I'm a little sensitive to sunlight, but since we're inside... I guess..."

A blush comes to her checks and her breathing increases, "I could... Take it off...."

This... Is a very uncomfortable situation, given the fact it's just winter jackets and any normal person would be wearing more clothing underneath that, but the thing is, she's not a normal person so I stutter up, some part of me says to run away as far I can, but I remain grounded, my legs simply refusing to move. All I can really do is sit there, questioning what the balls am I thinking right now. She suddenly bursts into a fit of giggles, and all I can do is watch... And sit.

"I'm sorry" She stutters out all the while almost falling down, "But" she gasps for breath, "Your face," she sits there wheezing for a couple minutes and all I can do is sit there, and watch.

She regains her composure, almost, looking like she could burst into another fit of laughter. Was it really THAT funny? I'll have to recreate it once I'm in front of a mirror some time. I'm glad I have some future goals.

"I'm sorry abou that, but your face was too good, you should loosen up a little, Yoshi." Oh asking that question was such a bad idea. Also...
"Don't ever do that again, also don't shorten my name." I'm very defensive my name.

"Alright Yoshi, I understand."

I begin to protest again, but our food arrives and I almost begin eating immediately and so does Emiko, I guess we're both pretty hungry. Once we're both done devouring our food, the bill arrives and we both pay our side of the food, thankfully. I sigh, today has been a very long day, and I'm almost to tired to think about anything else expect going back to the dorms.

"What's with the sigh of relief Yoshi? Worried that I wouldn't pay my bill or something?"

"No just really tired." I stifle a yawn and continue "I'm gonna head back to the dorms soon."

"Alright Yoshi, I'll see you later, I got some other stuff to do in town, see you around."

She grins and leaves with a bow. I yawn and get up with stars in my eyes I go for the door. Once I'm outside, I bump into a student, I start to apologize, but she beats me to it.

"I'm sorry I'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorry-" She bursts into a nervous breakdown. Which is kind of jarring because she dyed her blue and she's almost my height so I would think someone like her would be a little more, out-going. Not standing there looking like she was found guilty of murder because she bumped into someone.

"No it's totally fine, besides it's mostly my fault, sorry about that." I begin to walk away, hoping that I don't cause her anymore stress, but then she begins talking again.

"H-h-h-how was your day?" She panics out. I just want to go my room and sleep SO BAD, and she looks like she's scared half to death already. But I think it would be rude to just leave so I decide to stay.

"My day has been fine I suppose, how was yours?" She looks even more scared now, as if a reply was unexpected. She clenches her fists so tight that they practically turn milk white.

"My-y-y-y-y day?"

"Yeah that's what I said, mostly." Her knees are shaking so bad that I think walking for her as of right now, is an impossibility.

"It-IT WAS FINE!" She yells out, causing me back up, mostly for the sake of my ear drums.

"Are you alright?" Because quite frankly, I'm not sure is she is, she looks pale, as if she hasn't slept for days.

She begins to talk again but her body fails her and she collapses. After that my mind simply went into over-drive, without thinking I rush to check her heartbeat. (What am I doing?) It's there, but only that, definitely slower than it should be. I pick her up and begin rushing to the school, (What am I doing?) I don't know if there's a hospital in town or if she has an emergency phone, but I think using a phone would take too long and finding a hospital in a town completely foreign to me, no heading straight the academy would be the safest option. (What am I doing?) To be quite frank I didn't even know that I could carry a person, but even she's incredibly light, I'm still a shut-in with a condition that causes weakness so I don't think know how long I'll be able to carry her but I'll be able least get her closer to help.

Everything passes in a blur, (What am I doing?) I don't know if I passed anyone or not, (What am I doing?) I can't hear anything expect the blood rushing in my head. (What am I doing?) I rush through the gates and heading straight to the infirmary, (What am I doing?) all the while air rattles through my lungs. (What am I doing?) I finally get there and I head straight to the first person I can find, (What am I doing?) because I doubt I'll be able to carry her any longer. I attempt to wheeze out an explanation but my mouth refuses to work. (What am I doing?) Instead, all I can do is awkwardly shove this total stranger onto what looks like a blob of colors, (What am I doing?) with that, I take a small nap on the floor.
(What am I doing?)


I awake in a panic thinking I was in the hospital again, I'm not a huge fan of hospitals. Thankfully it's just the infirmary and the smell quickly diminishes under the smell of my own stink due to my sweat from running so much, gross.

"Hey Yoshio... You're pretty retarded you know that?"

Grumpy Face emerges from her hiding place of right in the middle of the room. I feel a wave of guilt once I realize it's her, to be honest, I had almost forgotten in the commotion.
"Hey I'm really-"

I stop once I see tears in her eyes. She falls against me, sobbing.

"Idiot, idiot idiot idoitidoitdoitidoit!" She shutters against me, "You could've DIED.. You almost died for a complete stranger.." She shutters again. We sit there in silence, not the good kind of silence, where no one wants to talk and you're all okay with that, the bad kind, where you want to say everything but you can't and no one wants that.

"Hey.." I say, trying not to disturb the other patient in the room who appears to be sleeping, "I still don't know your name.."

"It's..." She pauses for another shudder, "Hitomi,"

"Alright Hitomi, I'm sorry.. For making you cry the second time today," Then... I realize I've done this all in my PJs.

*End Chapter 1*

*Author Notes*
Well that was a giant mess. I bet you're wondering "well that blew" and yeah, it totally did. This was mostly me just kind of typing away and checking my reference notes before going on with horrible ass writing. I think I'll handle the story from here like Yosuga no Sora: In Solitude, Where We Are Least Alone, where I'll handle one character arc, then return to this point to start another, sounds like a HORRIBLE idea but.. eh, I'm lazy and I'm already hitting that submit button so... eh. Anyways I hope it wasn't too painful for you, and have a great day.

*Editing Notes*
Now that I'm not super high, (Kidding, don't do drugs) I actually clean this up to be, readable. Editing included, so much space, such commas and also some jokes were added in. *My best attempt of a small Yayyyyyyyyyyy* and also censor ship and character despriction. Such Editing
Last edited by GodlyVirus on Tue May 27, 2014 12:35 am, edited 10 times in total.
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Re: Steel

Post by griffon8 » Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:56 am

GodlyVirus wrote:I'm a lazy motherfucker
So lazy that you can't separate out your paragraphs. When you can, maybe I'll actually read this. Until then, you're making it too hard for your readers.
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Re: Steel

Post by GodlyVirus » Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:17 pm

Opps, I guess it looked better on word, They were spaced when I wrote it out, I guess in 4 in the morning you miss things like extra spaces
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Re: Steel

Post by Liminaut » Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:31 pm

GodlyVirus wrote:Opps, I guess it looked better on word, They were spaced when I wrote it out, I guess in 4 in the morning you miss things like extra spaces
You realize you can edit your posts, right? And fix the formatting?

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Re: Steel

Post by GodlyVirus » Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:37 pm

I spaced my paragraphs, yay for meagar tolerance
Last edited by GodlyVirus on Wed May 28, 2014 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Steel

Post by Mournful3ch0 » Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:52 pm

Didn't read a whole lot, stopped after cliche mention of alarm clock followed by both a diarrhea and boob joke(?) in the first paragraph. Your adjectives and even some nouns are, in general, very exaggerated and hard to read smoothly. Morbid mention of own 'acceptance' of disability with a dose of self pity. Also, it might be worth mentioning that the number of swear words written in the entire VN could likely be counted on one hand. You said 'fuck' 14 times in less than what, 3,000 words?

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Re: Steel

Post by Comrade » Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:15 am

GodlyVirus wrote:Opps, I guess it looked better on word, They were spaced when I wrote it out, I guess in 4 in the morning you miss things like extra spaces
Silentcook wrote:>Using Word
>Why not just use SatanicProcessorWhoEatsKittens.lcf

More seriously, the formatting of Word and Google docs is... not very compatible with the forums' BBcode formatting. You're in for a lot of headaches if you expect to port things straight.
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Re: Steel

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Apr 17, 2014 9:43 am

Okay, first order of business: cut down on the swearing and name-calling.
Then work on your descriptions.
Your protagonist interacts with a female human being for half the chapter, and we have no idea who she is. Is she a nurse? An older student? A teacher? Is he meeting her for the first time? Does she have a name?
Then he meets that bundle of jackets and it takes until they have entered the Shanghai for you to mention that she is female. He could have told that much from the voice.
Emiko and the mystery girl might be interesting characters - if you actually put some thought into them and didn't write them at random...

Oh yes, and I don't think you'll die from iron deficiency because you show up half an hour late for a shot :-)
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Re: Steel

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:41 pm

I had a hard time getting into this story, and I think it's for the reasons Mirage mentioned above. Not knowing who the girl he is talking to in the beginning is, let alone his relationship with her, makes it difficult to become really interested in them.
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Re: Steel

Post by GodlyVirus » Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:03 am

Guys, I promise I won't turn Hitomi into Maribelle. (Fire Emblem Awakening) Really 90% percent of my time spent writing on her is just me picturing Maribelle and then re-writing the entrie dialouge sequence. Needless to say, writing her is a giant pain in the ass.... Also I added character despricitions and censored pretty much everything for ass. Sooooo yayyyyyyy I appearicate everyone not being a total dick about my writing. I tried writing it like I was just talking to a random stranger, because I am. But I still have problems with just making a natural sense to my writing. Okay? People are just like Jellyfish to me, I don't understand them.
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Re: Steel

Post by Oddball » Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:35 am

The characters feel pretty interchangeable to me so far. They just all seem to have the same attitude and personality more or less... and everybody seems to make fun of each other. There's not really much contrast in their personalities from what you've shown us.
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Steel Part 1 of Emiko Route

Post by GodlyVirus » Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:13 pm

(Small Note: This is the second part of Steel, so... If you haven't read the first part, you might be confused, so go read the first one if you haven't.. Or don't, I'm not your boss.)

I wake to the sound of my phone ringing.. Who in their right mind is calling me at the hour of.. I check my alarm clock to see it's 12:00 A.M. I awkwardly slide my thumb over the answer button, and smudge the phone against my face.

"Mello?" I slobber out the best I can.

"Hello honey, how are you doing? You sound sick.."

Honey? I peel the phone off my face and look at the caller ID. "Mom" Well alright, that makes sense.

"Hello Honey?"

"I'm doing fine Mom, don't worry."

"If you say so. So.. How are holding up at your new school? Did you make a good impression on your teachers?"

"Mom, school started a month ago, but I'm doing fine anyways."

"Are you eating alright?"

I look my collection of ramen bowls and shudder.

"Yeah Mom, I'm eating plenty."

"Have you made any new friends?"

"Yeah I guess."

"Oh that's great! I'm sure your sister must be so jea.. No, Yosh-"

-Call ended at 12:02, 43 seconds-

I'm not a morning person. I lean back against the wall, not thinking, sitting there. I'm going to go take a walk. I put on my uniform and go leave the dorms. Besides, who needs to go class anyways. I'm running low on food so I head towards the super market. On my way to town, I pass an old painting of some kind acid trip of painting. Underneath the painting, there's a plate that says,

-Rin Tezuka, Nameless-

I guess it's somebody important. I walk with eyes almost closed, appreciating the silence after yesterday's episode of chaos. It feels like a dream remembering it, maybe it was. As I enter the town, I see a line of ducklings, walking in almost straight line, with the occasional ducklings leaning too much to the right or left. Though this isn't what caught my attention, it's Emiko, leading them all across town. I notice that she isn't wearing any of her jackets, instead she's wearing just a long sleeved shirt with some English characters. I'm debating talking to her would be good for my sanity, but whatever, I haven't had sanity since I came to this school anyways.

"Hey Emiko, whatcha doing?"

She does a 180 and grins, the ducklings, clearly not have any intentions of stopping, keep walking until they hit her foot, setting of a chain reaction of headbutting.. Precious.

"Hey there Yoshi, I'm just marching with my army of misfit ducks." She smiles so much, I think it would be painful.

"Can I ask where you got your army? I hope you haven't been pilfering duck's eggs all across town."

"Yoshi I would never.. No I just found these guys after their mother left them in a ditch. Can you believe that? She just left them, she didn't even try to rescue them, disgraceful."

"Well, in any case I hope you some kind of plan to help those ducks, because I doubt you can pretend to be their mother forever."

She stares daggers at me, I clearly hit a nerve, I guess she likes ducks.

"I can be their mother, I won't leave them, not ever."

Well if you say so, I crouch down to take a look at all the ducklets, I try to pick it up, and to my surprise, I don't encounter resistance, at all. It just lets me pick it up, I examine it and see that its wings colts don't seem to be in the correct place, with many bends that would make flight impossible even they were mature. I check the others and sure enough all their wings are broken.

"Emiko, how did you grab the ducks?"

"I picked them by putting my hands under their feet and picking them up that way."

"Well are their wings are broken," She has a face of pure horror, "I don't think its your fault, but at this point I don't think they'll be able to fly, or at least fly with any sense of direction."

She begins to pout and make faces all the while I talk. I understand though, I'm being too a little too blunt about something I only have off hand experince with. But if I just pretend like these things aren't there it'll just make it all the more painful when she realizes they'll have put down or just have to suffer when keep trying to use their wings and just continue to break more bones and maybe even bleedout from breaking their bones constantly.

"Feathers grow back, why wouldn't theirs?"

"They will, just not in the right places, their clots clearly aren't in any kind of flying condition,"

"So? They'll just grow up and the clots will go back in the right place,"

"They won't,"

"What do you know?? HUH?"

"I know because they're clearly broken, anyone could see that. The clots are deformed beyond repair, you can't fix something so drastic."

"You can always fix something, it doesn't matter how broken it is, it just means more time."

"Time, doesn't fix everything. When something is broken like this, you have face the reality of it never being fixed. It doesn't matter how long you wait, it will always be broken."

"That's not true!"

"It is,"

I don't think this is about the ducks anymore.


She's shivering and teeth are clattering when she's not talking. While she may be not very happy with me, it doesn't change the fact that she's almost freezing to death. I toss her my jacket, I doubt at this point she'll even accept it, but I at least want to try.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Because you're cold, clearly,"

"Yeah, I don't want the jacket of some sadist who tries to make other people feel bad."

"I'm trying.. To help you. They won't be able to survive, even they could, you can't pretend to be their mother forever."

She boils over and runs off, leaving the ducklings to be confused why they're on own again. I pick up the closet one, and begin petting him. I sit there petting him, for what feels like forever. I was probably too harsh there, but it's for the better, because if I had just pretended everything was going to be okay with them, she would've just had the same agreement with herself. I look at the small duck in my hands, it stares at me lick I'm some kind of vacant space, I suppose bringing them to a vet couldn't hurt. I put them down and begin walking towards the vet and ducks begin walking in their own almost straight line. The bell rattles as I enter and the howls of some dogs follow. A woman with black hair and glasses emerges from the kennels, covered in dog fur,

"Hello, can I help you with anything?"

"Yeah, one of my friends found these ducks and I was wondering if they'll be able to fly again,"

"Well let's take a look at them first,"

She takes one of the ducks and examines it all over, she frowns the entire time.

"Well that explains why their wings are this way, they're Steamers,"

"What's a Stea-"

"A Steamer is a sub species of ducks that use their wings to swim instead of flying, well some of them fly but most just swim. However it anyone's guess why they're in Japan. I guess someone's pet, might also explain why they're so passive towards humans,"

"So does that mean-"

"Yeah they're perfectly healthy though not being scared by humans could be a real problem when they're older."

"But their wings-"

"Are fine, it's natural for their wings to be like that, though I'm more surprised that you could tell that they couldn't fly just from their clots, you got a pretty sharp eye there,"

"Yeah my Dad used to be a Vet and people would bring in ducks all the time with similar problems, I just guessed that this was same,"

"Well I think I would have that problem too, is that all?"

"No that's it."

I reach for my wallet but the vet shakes her head.

"Don't worry about it, I would feel bad getting bad getting money for that, any Google search would have told you the same thing,"

I think I should pay her still, but I'm pretty striped for cash and don't think she'll accept even I left it on the counter and ran, she looks like the kind person who would chase after me and shove my money back in my wallet. Speaking of chasing..

"Have you seen a girl with light blonde hair, about this tall,"

I hold my hand just above my shoulder.

"Yeah one came in about, say 10 minutes ago, she asked if ducks could recover from damaged clots, I told her almost impossible.. Wait don't tell me."


"Well, looks you got somewhere to go,"

"I don't think I should.."

"Kid," she pushes up her glasses, "I think you've spent enough time waiting already, trust me."

I don't know when this Vet became my counicler but she's right, I thank her and start running towards Yamuka. I'm so sick of running, my legs were already burning from yesterday and this certainly doesn't help. The ducks bounce up and down in my hands. I rush through the gates which have already been opened. I see Emiko walking towards the towards the girl's dorms, I really miss the adrenaline rush I had before when I rushed all across school, I may take walks almost daily, it doesn't change the fact that I don't have gym or do any kind sport. I've almost caught up to her and my lungs are on fire. I try to talk but I can't, I just kind of shove the ducks in her face.


She's clearly pissed, I would be too. Who just runs around shoving ducks into other people's face?

"They're steamers." I wheeze out, she just raises an eyebrow.

"That means they use wings to swim, not fly,"


"That means that their wings are completely normal, I'm chill out here for a bit."

I lay down facing up, don't know if she's still there or not, all I can see is clouds and the sky. My breathing returns to normal and my vision isn't blurred anymore. It isn't entirely quiet, I can hear the ducks small feet hit the wet grass. I sit up right and see Emiko standing there, just staring at the ducks, I don't think she's sees anything else. I flop back on the ground, and close my eyes, I guess things could have gone better, but things are peaceful, I'm too tired to change anything else.

"So why did you rush up here.. Just to tell me that?"

"Yeah, I guess, I really had no idea what I was doing either,"

She lays down with me, the ducks wander about, never starring to far from us.

"But I guess I can't be a mother, huh?"


She looks sad as I say this, I guess we'll have to face reality someday, but I think after today, We're not ready for that, I must be super high or something.

"Hey Yoshi.. Do you think we'll ever be normal people again?"


"You truly are just a sadistic, aren't you?"
Last edited by GodlyVirus on Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Steel

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:20 pm

Pro tip. Instead of making a new thread every part reply to the other one with the new part

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Re: Steel

Post by Oddball » Fri Apr 18, 2014 7:38 pm

monkeywitha6pack wrote:Pro tip. Instead of making a new thread every part reply to the other one with the new part
Think of it as less than a tip and more of a direct command.

Chapter 2 goes in the same topic as Chapter 1. Always.
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Re: Steel

Post by GodlyVirus » Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:36 pm

Well, I learned something new today, Sorry about that. Luckily SlientCook cleaned that up, thank you! So it's all part twoie now, so enjoy
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