After the Dream—Lilly's Arc/'Testament' (Complete)

[dewelar]

I must admit the "Emi dying of a broken heart"-thing came across to me as weird. It almost sounds like Emi lost her will to live after Hisao died, gave up and faded away. Emi's dealt with loss before. We also know how she deals with it...by running her artificial legs off and trudging on. She hates giving up with an almost unreasonable passion.

*nods*

On the other hand, for me, it could be interpreted as "in the process of trying to forget, she ran herself to death" (literally or figuratively). Works out to be the same thing in the end.

[bhtooefr]

Hold up a second, just realized a factual issue.

2011-02-07, Lilly would have to decide whether she wanted to be a UK or Japanese citizen (she could have legitimately gotten dual citizenship by birth, but at the age of 22, Japan requires someone to either relinquish their Japanese citizenship or their other citizenship(s) when they acquire multiple citizenship by birth). She could have later decided to relinquish her UK (or Scottish, if Scottish independence is a thing that happens in your timeline) citizenship to become a Japanese citizen again, mind you, but I'm getting the strong impression that she never did that. The sole permanent exception to the Japanese nationality law re: dual citizenship is when a Japanese citizen marries someone who is of a country that applies automatic and mandatory citizenship to spouses.

[brythain]

Hold up a second, just realized a factual issue.

2011-02-07, Lilly would have to decide whether she wanted to be a UK or Japanese citizen (she could have legitimately gotten dual citizenship by birth, but at the age of 22, Japan requires someone to either relinquish their Japanese citizenship or their other citizenship(s) when they acquire multiple citizenship by birth). She could have later decided to relinquish her UK (or Scottish, if Scottish independence is a thing that happens in your timeline) citizenship to become a Japanese citizen again, mind you, but I'm getting the strong impression that she never did that. The sole permanent exception to the Japanese nationality law re: dual citizenship is when a Japanese citizen marries someone who is of a country that applies automatic and mandatory citizenship to spouses.

As someone in that sort of situation in the past myself, I'm familiar with this issue. But the thing is that it's not a -factual- problem. When the death notice says 'citizen of Scotland and Japan', it's stylistic — 'has been a citizen of Scotland and also a citizen of Japan'. Much as 'having a meal of pasta and ice-cream' doesn't necessarily imply both at the same time.

[brythain]

I must admit the "Emi dying of a broken heart"-thing came across to me as weird. It almost sounds like Emi lost her will to live after Hisao died, gave up and faded away. Emi's dealt with loss before. We also know how she deals with it...by running her artificial legs off and trudging on. She hates giving up with an almost unreasonable passion.

You're absolutely right.

[brythain]

Anyhow, I agree that it seems odd for Lilly to carry a torch for Hisao for 60+ years. As the story drew to a close, I found myself thinking it strange that she wouldn't recount any other experiences she's had other than the small, explicit vignettes we've seen. It seems cherry-picked.

In the end, though, it was written well and concluded nicely (well, as nicely as a very sad ending can conclude). Looking forward to reading the rest of the arcs.

But it is cherry-picked. This arc is lifted from Lilly's life to show one particular thread in it; the thread that includes her long, and in the end faded, memory of her first lover. Along the way she does recount some other memories, and she certainly has had a rich and fulfilling life that has had nothing to do with Hisao at all.

Thanks for the encouragement! Am steeling myself for the next couple of arcs.

[brythain]

While you take a well-earned break, may I ask for a complete list of character arcs?

So far we've had Shizune and Lilly. Hanako and Emi are still to come. Apparently you have a Misha one saved for last? Looking forward to that. Does Rin have an arc? I'm quite curious about her dissapearance.

All six are in play, but I've included others in the picture with half-drawn arcs which may end up being completely subsumed. At the moment, for example, you can already see that Hanako's arc has a lot of overlap with Hideaki's. I'm a little worried about Rin myself; she might break my mind in the telling of her tale. I'm also trying to add bits of meat to the canon skeletons of some other minor characters — Jigoro and Mutou so far.

[Helbereth]

I must admit the "Emi dying of a broken heart"-thing came across to me as weird. It almost sounds like Emi lost her will to live after Hisao died, gave up and faded away. Emi's dealt with loss before.

Ah, see this is where I think the divergence occurs. Emi has dealt with losing the biggest thing in her life before, suddenly and rather violently. If you recall from her route, running is the only way she can deal with it, bury it, push the pain away until Hisao gets her to face it, largely against her will.

If we extrapolate from there, and build on the idea that they reached a similar arrangement some years later after Hisao's failures with Lilly and Hanako (and Shizune, for that matter), then she likely transferred all that pain and tension into the relationship, and counted on Hisao to keep her demons at bay. When Hisao dies suddenly, especially in that situation - just as they're about to greet a second child - it's exactly what she always feared would happen: the person she put all her trust, hopes, and faith in gets torn away, and she snaps right back to the depression of her youth as a result.

Grief, depression, a deep sense of betrayal - twice over - and the added stress of having two children to raise, a best friend going missing (I'm not sure whether Rin disappears before or after her death), plus the guilt she probably feels for inadvertently causing Hisao's fatal cardiac arrest would be enough to break even the most resilient of spirits, and Emi is no exception. If there's one thing people can do quite easily, it's die, especially if they no longer care to live. The idea of Emi letting herself waste away may sound horrible, but it can happen, and Emi is definitely stubborn enough to carry it out against all arguments.

That's all speculation, of course.

[brythain]

When Hisao dies suddenly, especially in that situation - just as they're about to greet a second child...

Minor non-spoiler correction: Hisao dies about two years after the cardiac incident he suffered on the day his son Akira was born. The parenthetical (sorry!) chapter 'T' numbers are arranged around the year of his death, T =0. Lilly's arc ending at T +50 thus occurs almost exactly on the golden anniversary of that death.

[Helbereth]

When Hisao dies suddenly, especially in that situation - just as they're about to greet a second child...

Minor non-spoiler correction: Hisao dies about two years after the cardiac incident he suffered on the day his son Akira was born. The parenthetical (sorry!) chapter 'T' numbers are arranged around the year of his death, T =0. Lilly's arc ending at T +50 thus occurs almost exactly on the golden anniversary of that death.

It's presumed that it led to a fast decline in his health, and it's suggested he spent those two years in a coma, which would explain why Hanako was spending time reading to him; if we know one thing about Hisao, it's that he's quite capable of reading for himself. If the coma resulted from the cardiac event, then it would still be in the realm of things Emi would feel guilty about, and the coma would just prolong the pain.

[brythain]

When Hisao dies suddenly, especially in that situation - just as they're about to greet a second child...

Minor non-spoiler correction: Hisao dies about two years after the cardiac incident he suffered on the day his son Akira was born. The parenthetical (sorry!) chapter 'T' numbers are arranged around the year of his death, T =0. Lilly's arc ending at T +50 thus occurs almost exactly on the golden anniversary of that death.

It's presumed that it led to a fast decline in his health, and it's suggested he spent those two years in a coma, which would explain why Hanako was spending time reading to him; if we know one thing about Hisao, it's that he's quite capable of reading for himself. If the coma resulted from the cardiac event, then it would still be in the realm of things Emi would feel guilty about, and the coma would just prolong the pain.

Although it's only been two weeks, this feels a little necromantic. But I've only just realised that I wanted to reply to this and then events overtook me and I back paged without replying. This interpretation did actually occur to me, but along the way things worked out the way they did. Also, Misha rapped me on the knuckles and asked me why I was denying her a proper place in the tragedy wahaha~! That seemed odd, and I had to go another round of reviewing the big picture, and saving things for Misha's arc.

So yes, apologies for leaving this hanging. I'm old-fashioned, I guess, in trying to reply to everyone.

[brythain]

"Singin' a song for the broken-hearted…"

It's very creepy that I'm listening to Bon Jovi's It's My Life when I sense a particular presence in the room. The morning light spreads pale radiance through her, mixes its gleam with her own still beauty.

"Hello, Lilly."

The thing about Lillian Alexandra Anderson Satou is that I've seen her aged 14, 18, 20… at all ages up to…

"Yes, dear man, you've seen me all the way to the end. I was still good at 85, from your account."

There's a certain wistfulness there. This time, she's part 18 and part 81, I can't tell how much of each.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?"

She tends to make me sit up straight and add a little more courtesy.

"You can just call me Lilly, you know. Was I really such a silly person?"

That takes me aback. I'm not sure what to say. I try anyway.

"No, ma'am, Lilly. I think we all make mistakes. Sometimes, we make them young."

"I've often wondered how it would have turned out."

So have we all, I think. That music box… it's been a great inspiration, and a sad one. I make a non-committal sound.

"It worked out well for everyone else, I suppose."

"I'm not sure about that, Lilly."

"Better than for me. Ah well, you get on with telling Akira's story, then. Read to me the next time I'm back. I shall enjoy that."

"I too, ma'am."

"Thank you. Goodbye for now."

And then the room is a lot less bright.

[brythain]

"Well, well, well."

"Uh. Good morning/evening, Lilly."

"The World Cup has made you somewhat derelict in your duties, I fear. Natsume must be a little peeved."

"Uh. Yes. Sorry. Errm, Italy beat England 2-1 yesterday."

"I'm glad to hear that. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

She sighs. If you have never heard a Lilly Satou sigh before, you have never experienced the depths of melancholy. It is also something you cannot ignore.

"Do tell," I reply, even though my head is throbbing from what seems like a half-day binge under uncertain lights and high sonic intensity.

"I was remembering the scene in Edinburgh, at the Sacred Heart. It was so beautiful, watching Hideaki and Hana getting married at last. And then I felt that sense of loss… I think I once told you that everyone had someone, but I only had everyone's someones?"

"Yes, you did." I remember that, and it's in the last part of her arc.

"Yes, that sense. Dear me. I was so happy they'd got married, and so sad I hadn't. And then Uncle Akio died, and there was really nobody left except my sister."

She's weeping softly now. Ah, screw the Switzerland-Ecuador match, I say to myself. And that is how I end up reading Guest Poster's 'Sisterhood' to one of its protagonists.

[Guest Poster]

What on earth? That might cause a big enough reality paradox to destroy the universe. Twice.

[brythain]

What on earth? That might cause a big enough reality paradox to destroy the universe. Twice.

'Reality?' I do not think that word means what you think it means.
(Besides, I couldn't think of many more classics more appropriate for reading to Ms Satou.)

[Guest Poster]

My mind is currently running through some of the backstory and material that I wasn't able to include in the fic and it is currently snickering at your comment.