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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Before Yamaku)

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2020 1:47 pm
by Oddball

One of the hardest parts of the book club is coming up with a nice clever opening.

So anyway, this is a story.

Yeah, I got nothing this time.

Before Yamaku - the events leading up to KS by TomokoNoKokoro.

This is just a short one-shot focusing on right before Hisao's heart attack.

Seeing Hisao, his friends, and Iwanako before the events of the game isn't something you see that often, so it's nice to see them fleshed out somewhat. Iwanako came off especially cute.

Sadly, it's not all good. The narration style keeps switching around, which causes the story to loose it's focus. It also seems to continue past the heart attack, but only as the briefest of summaries. I feel that either the story should have stayed prior to the heart attack, or that the scenes after should have been longer and more fleshed out.

Re: Yamaku Book Club (20200803 Before Yamaku)

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2020 11:46 pm
by NuclearStudent
Why does this exist? Nothing really happens here, and no particular mood is created.

Answer being that it's an author's first work and a warming-up of the engines. Author never came back, so presumably they're doing better work elsewhere.

Re: Yamaku Book Club (20200803 Before Yamaku)

Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:27 am
by Hacksorus
Yeah, this one was kinda all over the place. Felt like maybe the author had an idea of a sequence of events they wanted to write about, but for the pacing and whose perspective it's being told from and what mood they're going for, they were just kind of winging it. I would have imagined the climax of the story would be experiencing the heart attack from Iwanako's perspective, but instead we just got a flat, rapid-fire summary of everything that happened there.

I could criticize more, but the comments here and on the original post already covered most of those bases.