Yamaku Book Club (20191021 Inkyukasu—A Horror Fic)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Feurox
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190715 Radioactive/Call of Yamaku)

Post by Feurox » Thu Aug 22, 2019 12:14 pm

I remember now why I haven't left my thoughts on this particular book-club entry. I find it very difficult to get through this story. It's brilliantly written, but it's just not for me, and I struggle to feel invested in the story being told. I did, however, stick through, and found a few things I really, really liked.

The author's style is wonderful, and as stated by Oddball and Crafty, this story does use the dream logic brilliantly. I think part of what makes this a coherent read is the authors style, it's very Edgar Allan Poe (at least to me). My problems with it are entirely personal. I don't like dream sequences. That being said, I don't think a story like this could exist without it, so...

The subject matter itself is pretty heart wrenching. The ending reveal, as Crafty mentioned, does break up the action a little, but I actually quite like the thought process being individual to each person, and not in the manner that Crafty examples. (Just our personal preferences I think there.)

Despite my agreement that this is a superbly written piece, I just find it very difficult to engage with. Like Crafty said, many of us can somewhat relate to the story being told (at least the causes of the nightmare). But this piece doesn't get anything from me. I don't feel frightened by it, and I don't connect with it emotionally in any way.

NuclearStudent
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190812 SNCA:TG)

Post by NuclearStudent » Fri Aug 23, 2019 2:26 am

On a different day I would choose to be more polite, but this reads like the kind of story you crap out when your brain is fried but you want to dump something out anyways. The sort of thing that sits by the hundreds in the Unpublished Vault of Cursed Doom which every writer has.

EDIT:

Reading the comments that the author himself left behind confirms my impression. In the author's own words, "lol this story sucked."

You know what, that's relatable. I, too, often suck. We are brothers in suck.

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (works from Cpl Crud)

Post by Oddball » Mon Aug 26, 2019 3:46 pm

Image

We're going to do something a little bit different this time.

We're going to read multiple stories. (it's okay. They're short). On top of that, we're going off forum for them.

And for the icing on the cake, we're going to look at something from our of our dear devs.

From Cpl Crud ....


H29- Future A deleted scene from an earlier version of Hanako's route.

10 July 1990 A letter to Hanako from her dad.

28th Birthday. It's Hanako's 28th Birthday. This one is a touch weird.

Misha Path This one was done as a joke, he claims.

My thoughts?

I'm actually glad that h29 never made it into the game. While the story itself was decent enough, I think focusing on Hanako's reactions since the fire served the story better than showing the fire itself. While this story wasn't bad, it also seemed to move just a tad too quickly.

10 July is a punch to the gut. It might be a cheap shot, but damn it's effective.

28th Birthday. It's a bit self indulgent, but at the same time, I think Crud has earned the right to indulge himself a bit. It's also still rather sweet and an interesting idea that only one of the devs could have actually done justice to.

Misha path. I actually really enjoy this. It does skip over what actually happened to them, but at the same time it makes for an interesting setup.
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PKMNthiefChris
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190812 SNCA:TG)

Post by PKMNthiefChris » Mon Aug 26, 2019 4:02 pm

Thoughts:

H29- Future

Interesting, especially given the slight changes between it and Hanako's history as shown by the game.

10 July 1990

Not sure how I feel about this one. The feelings in it are hard to connect to, since this piece itself is all I have to go on for her father and it mentions her grandfather that I don't remember being brought up anywhere else.

28th Birthday.

This reminds me of Brythian's author's notes.

NuclearStudent
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190812 SNCA:TG)

Post by NuclearStudent » Mon Aug 26, 2019 9:09 pm

H-29 Future

It's interesting to see how Hanako and her route improved a lot with editing.

10 July 1990

I never liked Hanako.

28th Birthday

This is particularly interesting because the final iteration of Hanako's route is a very open ending. Anything good or bad could happen to her. I don't know anything about Crud and the closure he feels about KS.

I wonder how I'll feel once I've finished my projects and had time to look back on them.

Misha Path

An exposition scene.

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Craftyatom
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190826 CplCrud on Hanako)

Post by Craftyatom » Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:19 am

H29 - Future
It's strange to think that this might be the first of this type of story.  I've read a handful of stories that explore this concept, putting forward different reasons, approaching the same outcome - but this one likely isn't derivative of those.

Personally, this isn't how I'd do this concept, but it's a perfectly valid way of doing it.  Not exactly genius or masterpiece, but it works.  I can see why Crud couldn't find a place for it in the route: near the end of the story, it feels out of place for the focus on their relationship.  Too early, and there's no reason the reader would be allowed to know this.  In the middle, it would replace the crayon scene - but why would the reader be this close to the scene?  I think the finished product did much better conveying that information naturally.

10 July 1990
This premise never really appealed to me - it feels forced.  I mean, it's sweet, and could absolutely be an interesting plot point, but that's just it - this is an entire look into the past just to set up that future scene.  Maybe I'm being too harsh, but while it's well-written and sweet, I just don't really like the format/setting.

28th Birthday
I see what you meant by weird.  Very meta, feels strange.  It does all mostly make sense, though.  Couldn't say if it's just funny self-indulgent fourth-wall poking or inspired by a true story.  Either way, a decent read, even if it was... weird.

Misha Path
I love it!  Okay, in some sense, next-generation stories are tough to get right.  And this was a very short story, with only two characters, and most of it was just one of those characters giving exposition.  But it flowed so well!  That childish curiosity asks all the right questions, and Hisao paints such a nice picture.

I would've liked a few more details on Shizune.  It's clear that she spent a long time transitioning to where she is now, but that's rather opaque to the reader.  On the other hand, maybe that's the downside of Kumiko asking all the quesrions - she knows Shizune pretty well in the present.  Or, at least, one would hope she does.

Also, for a brief moment at the beginning, it's kind of unclear how Hisao, Misha, and Shizune fit together.  I could've used a bit more clarity in that opening section.
(And yes, "metal" is more of a sub-state of matter than a characteristic of any one element, isotope, or compound.  It's mostly cosmologists who care because nobody else really gets to work with stellar fusion and gas giant cores.)
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Brief Exchanges, Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
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Feurox
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190826 CplCrud on Hanako)

Post by Feurox » Wed Aug 28, 2019 11:27 am

H29

Not for me. It's sad, sure, but I think the format probably prevented me from enjoying it. If nothing else, it's interesting to see what some of the initial plans were for Hanako's route.

10 July, 1990

I adore this one. What a wonderfully heart wrenching letter. It's a bittersweet feeling, but I love it intensely.

28th Birthday

Weird is the right word. I don't enjoy this one. I don't hate it. It just exists, and I have nothing thoughtful to say about it, save for saying Crud's writing is always very smooth and well worded. Hmm.

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190826 CplCrud on Hanako)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Aug 29, 2019 11:17 am

Future:
That one was... not really good. I can see why it was not included in the VN.
Also it would have needed a whole lot of new backgounds and sprites, so there wasn't any chance of it making it into the VN in the first place.

10th of July:
I remember having read that one before somewhere.
It's good for what it is, even though a few of the lines are obviously only there for emotional impact.

28th Birthday:
She must have gotten the melatonin in the US, since in Europe it is a prescription drug and generally only prescribed to patients over 55 years old.
Also: That bit of dialogue took three hours? Strange dream indeed...
Do I have anything else to say about this? Not really...

Misha Path:
That was quite fun. I just question why Shizune would sign up Hisao - an university graduate - as her driver...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Yields Six Servings)

Post by Oddball » Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:12 pm

Image

You know what time it is! It's cooking Club time!... I mean book club. Actually, you know what? It's both today.

Yields Six Servings by themocaw.

This story is about Rin, doing a perfectly normal thing. She's cooking. The interesting part is how Rin goes about it and her thought process while doing it.

It's actually rather adorable in a normal everyday sort of way.

The story also has this line while is both rather obvious and quite deep.
Clean is good. Too clean is not good. Life is messy.
If anyone tries the recipe let me know if it's any good.
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Feurox
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190916 Yields Six Servings)

Post by Feurox » Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:45 am

A fascinating and peculiar story. It seems to capture the essence of Rin quite well. I love the ending too. It's not exactly what I would call a 'deep' or thoughtful piece, but it's a very lovingly written story. Really, it's what isn't said that I'm most fascinated by. Rin is cooking for Hisao, simply because she can, and the significance of that isn't lost in him in the ending - I also love Rin's contrasting thoughts and actions in the end. She can eat on her own, but she doesn't, because even if it doesn't mean something to her, she knows that it means something to Hisao, and that's enough.

A heart warming and interesting read. Good choice this week Oddball.

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Craftyatom
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190916 Yields Six Servings)

Post by Craftyatom » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:38 pm

Yields Six Servings
themocaw wrote:
Fri Feb 17, 2012 3:59 am
Not exactly sanitary, but it's the best I can do.
If I had to choose one line to represent the entire story, this would be it.

It is cute and slice-of-lifey, for sure.  The continuous messiness and hygeine issues are somewhat unsettling, but understandable, and hey, all the better to give one's microbiome some love and one's immune system some practice.  And the preparation was an interesting read, certainly.  It's not exactly my favorite style of story (slice-of-life and I are in a complicated relationship), but I can recognize its merits, especially the essence of Rin and her interactions with Hisao.

I did end up laughing, though, at the implication that Hisao liked the taste of Rin's feet. Or he was lying to make her feel better, or he was focusing on the idea of the food rather than the taste - but I like my explanation best.
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Brief Exchanges, Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
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synthetic bruh
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190916 Yields Six Servings)

Post by synthetic bruh » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:14 pm

A nice and light read. I enjoyed it.

"Hisao is the opposite of rain" I liked that one

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (works from Cpl Crud)

Post by Oddball » Thu Oct 03, 2019 2:14 pm

Image

I really wanted to do an update for the Bookclub today, but over the past few days I've read a ton of stories and I'm a bit read-out. All the stories I read were new ones too, so I don't want to use them here.

Instead, we'll read ... this.

A reply to Iwanako by sam7005


It's short.

Read it.

I'm selling it short here. It's not bad for what it is but doesn't exactly break new ground or anything.
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NuclearStudent
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190916 Yields Six Servings)

Post by NuclearStudent » Thu Oct 03, 2019 10:59 pm

Is that first paragraph something Hisao would write? Those could well be his internal thoughts, but I'm not sure it's like him to write so brutally in any timeline.

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Razoredge
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20190916 Yields Six Servings)

Post by Razoredge » Fri Oct 04, 2019 6:10 am

It's a nice attempt, I have to say. However, I'm agree with Nuclear, I don't think that Hisao would write the first paragraph like that, but if it's your vision, it's totally fine, differents visions are good. The others paragraphs are good, that's a fact. It's a nice little thing, except for, in my opinion, the first paragraph.

But nice try, really.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route & Razor's One Shots & misc.

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