Yamaku Book Club (20181203 Cup & Saucer: Rika)

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StilesLong
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by StilesLong » Sun Sep 30, 2018 1:21 pm

This fic was interesting, in a way. I got the impression that there was a lot more happening behind the scenes that we never learn anything more about. The author clearly had a backstory to Iwanako and Hisao that comes up long enough to intrigue the reader, then abruptly disappears, never to be mentioned again. I was hoping we'd find out more about their past and in a way, Iwanako and Hisao capture what Sherlock Hisao amounts to: a plot and universe that exists in the author's mind but is not for the audience to witness. The fic ends too soon for us to grasp the author's intent, their vision of what the fic was supposed to become.

As for the technical aspect of the writing, there were a number of errors, mostly to do with verb tenses, if memory serves. I also wasn't a huge fan of the scene with the police officer. It felt out of place to me.

The interaction between Hisao, Kenji, and Iwanako was easily the most entertaining part of the fic, but as I said, it didn't last long.
Hanako bad ending epilogue: Ships in the night (ongoing)
One-shots (sadly underpopulated but that'll change)
Hanako AU:Lights Out
Other, non-KS writing: r/StilesWrites

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Oct 01, 2018 8:48 am

One of the few stories I did not comment on when it came out for one reson or another. Maybe I wanted to wait for more chapters that never came.
Given the start it could have been quite good. There were a few promising plot hooks... But in all likelyhood those were just teasing without any actual story planned to follow up.
I do not remember that scrabble scene at the end, which is a shame, because it's awesome - and because I helped Griffon with the fanfiction this is a fanfiction of. :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Hikari, inukashi )

Post by Oddball » Wed Oct 17, 2018 11:37 pm

Image


Hikari, inukashi by LordDarknus

The title doesn't exactly grab you but the story is a decent enough read. A bit detached in narration but in the end it works.

I also really like the picture that goes with it.
Last edited by Oddball on Thu Oct 18, 2018 10:11 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:20 am

Very short so not a lot to say but I definitely enjoyed it. A good "Hanako internal monologue" dealing with her insecurities.

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Craftyatom
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Craftyatom » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:54 am

Goodness, I've just gotten the strangest sense of deja vu... Weird. (Note: deja vu is common before and after epileptic seizures. I know from firsthand experience.) Anyways:

Hikari, inukashi
I can see the really good parts of this story. The main character is portrayed really well, and her (I assume it's a girl based on the picture at the end, but I don't think it's ever explicitly stated) feelings resonated with me. That climactic line in the middle - She asked about the dog first. - was really well-executed. This fic is worth it for that line alone. On top of that, it adds in a bit of resolution near the end, which is comforting given that we're kind of rooting for all of the characters. If I didn't know who Hikari's parents were, I probably would've given up on them in the middle, but of course from our perspective everything's got extra context.

That said, there were subpar elements of the story as well. For one, Hanako seems really weak, given that she's living the good ending. From the beginning, the fact that she's more worried about her scars than even during her route seemed off - sure, it's a stressful situation in an uncomfortable environment, but even so, it seemed a bit much. Then, the extent to which she withdraws after Hisao's death - of course, the death of a loved one is devastating, but you'd think that after being married for at least six years, and probably more like a decade, there would've been a lot of opportunities for her to both grow stronger as a person and come to terms with Hisao's mortality. I think that we weren't given enough information to support the idea that she was really so helpless after all this time. We also weren't given much information, if at all, about her allergies, or about Lilly. In a sense, that's realistic, because it's a child's point of view - she wouldn't know her mother's complete medical record, nor her parents' friends from high school (who may well live on the other side of the planet) - but from the reader's perspective it all ends up very fuzzy. Perhaps that's unavoidable, though. Oh, and of course, I'm not sure how much Hikari really "contributed" to her mother's allergies; if there had been a line from a doctor to that effect, then maybe, but as is we're kind of left to imagine that she didn't groom the dog, so it got fluff everywhere, which made her mother's allergies worse... again, fuzzy (pun intended).

All in all, a good story. Not perfect, and certainly not long, but it does a good job of evoking the intended emotions.
Last edited by Craftyatom on Fri Oct 19, 2018 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Oddball » Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:35 am

I don't want to be "that guy", but we covered this story in August, a mere 73 days ago.
I have no idea what you're talking about and even if I did, I'm certain it didn't involve me forgetting to delete a bookmark after covering a story. Nope. None at all.
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brythain
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by brythain » Thu Oct 18, 2018 3:42 am

In order to avoid re-run comments, please correct bookmark queue. :D
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Oct 18, 2018 11:18 am

Since I don't think I commented back then I'll do it now - even though I don't have very much to say about the story.

It's quite typical for Lord Darknus. His writing is impeccable though I find it a bit stilted and herd to read.

As for the story, having never owned a pet of any kind I find it hard to relate to the characters. I found it especially hard to believe that the mother would think of the dog as something left behind by the father instead of the daughter, especially since it apparently hadn't been in the family for long.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Sat Oct 20, 2018 11:08 pm

Comments on the new story:

I really didn't like it. Well written enough I suppose, I just don't care for the plot or characters. Can't pretend I'm not triggered to see Hanako made into such a pathetic piece of work. I don't think it's an objectively bad story, I just have a personal non-preference for it.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Oct 21, 2018 5:06 pm

Hanako? Hanako isn't even IN that story...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Sun Oct 21, 2018 5:46 pm

I'm pretty sure she is? Who do you think is Hikari's mother?

PKMNthiefChris
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by PKMNthiefChris » Sun Oct 21, 2018 10:16 pm

Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Sun Oct 21, 2018 5:46 pm
I'm pretty sure she is? Who do you think is Hikari's mother?
I'm inclined to agree with it calling attention to her mother's scars and her trying to hide them. Honestly this more makes me curious whether the father is Hisao all it talks about is him being in the hospital. Someone who is clearly Lilly shows up at one point who seems like she's still living in Japan and reconciled with Shizune on some level which only happens on her route.

Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Sun Oct 21, 2018 10:27 pm

It seems clear to me that the father is Hisao (he dies of a heart attack while the child is young) and the blonde woman is Lilly, yes (I mean she's a blind blonde woman like really who else would it be).

I don't mind messing with Hisao or Lilly, they can be jerks, just don't touch my Hana-chan. Actually what little we see/know of them, Hisao and Lilly seem perfectly likeable in this story.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180924 Sherlock Hisao)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Oct 22, 2018 10:56 am

Well, if that was supposed to be Hanako, then good job making her unrecognizable even with the scars...
For one thing Hanako is not asthmatic. Then it doesn't make sense for Lilly to just make one random appearance in her life and then disappear again. If she left for Scotland and came back just to visit her in the hospital.
So my opinion of the story is based on the assumption that this was NOT Hanako. Otherwise my rating will turn down a few notches.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Birth of a Fighter)

Post by Oddball » Sat Oct 27, 2018 9:37 pm

Image

Birth of a Fighter by spirizu.

Let's read a Jigoro story.


On one hand, I like the way the story itself works. It's well written, sets a nice mood, and subtly adds that Hideaki isn't that different from his old man.

On the other hand, This makes Jigoro seems a lot older than he probably is and the more archaic setting throws off the feel of immersion. Of course, I have no idea if this story is actually accurate to Japan in the 50s or not.
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