Yamaku Book Club (20200427 Two Flat Jokes)

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WorldlyWiseman
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by WorldlyWiseman » Tue May 08, 2018 1:11 am

I'll admit, when you mentioned that it was unfinished I selfishly wanted to jump in and write a Shizune chapter, but what's there is pretty good and I got some belly laughs out of it. It feels like the first sections set the situation up as comedy just to have Umber pull it in a totally different tonal direction with unprecedented scope, leaving the remaining writers perhaps not knowing how to follow. Don't get me wrong, the writing in Umber's section is amazing, but taking the thread in as a whole gave me a bit of whiplash. It could have helped things to have authors pm their contributions to you beforehand and control the flow of things that way, but hindsight is 20.

Orie grew on me pretty quickly and it'd be fun to see her schtick evolve, she's not alone in making out of place references. I couldn't figure out what the deal with Rika was, is that voice like the Japanese equivalent of the faux-British accent aristocratic characters get in english-speaking media? You could cheat a bit and consider her another perspective. :P

As it stands, the only piece of missing information is who closed the door.
Hanako's favorite joke is The Aristocrats, but she never tells it because Lilly finds it really offensive. Instead, she practices her delivery in front of a mirror when she's alone. It's the only time she never stammers.

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by brythain » Tue May 08, 2018 9:56 am

WorldlyWiseman wrote:
Tue May 08, 2018 1:11 am
I couldn't figure out what the deal with Rika was, is that voice like the Japanese equivalent of the faux-British accent aristocratic characters get in english-speaking media? You could cheat a bit and consider her another perspective. :P
My Rika is the daughter of a Yakuza 'godfather'. She was brought up by a strict governess who was a stickler for formality. Her cousin Midori escaped that fate. :D
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by Oddball » Tue May 08, 2018 11:15 am

I just accepted that the character was a bit eccentric. I didn't think there was anything to "figure out" about her.

Although if I had written my chapter after brythain's, I would have had Orie refer to her as "the living cliche."
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WorldlyWiseman
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by WorldlyWiseman » Tue May 08, 2018 8:06 pm

Oddball wrote:
Tue May 08, 2018 11:15 am
I just accepted that the character was a bit eccentric. I didn't think there was anything to "figure out" about her.

Although if I had written my chapter after brythain's, I would have had Orie refer to her as "the living cliche."
Just pinning down my idea of her, I guess. Her inclusion in Midori's section made it a neat double-perspective, and I wonder if a section with the roles reversed would be an interesting conclusion.
Hanako's favorite joke is The Aristocrats, but she never tells it because Lilly finds it really offensive. Instead, she practices her delivery in front of a mirror when she's alone. It's the only time she never stammers.

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by brythain » Fri May 11, 2018 8:56 am

WorldlyWiseman wrote:
Tue May 08, 2018 8:06 pm
Oddball wrote:
Tue May 08, 2018 11:15 am
I just accepted that the character was a bit eccentric. I didn't think there was anything to "figure out" about her.

Although if I had written my chapter after brythain's, I would have had Orie refer to her as "the living cliche."
Just pinning down my idea of her, I guess. Her inclusion in Midori's section made it a neat double-perspective, and I wonder if a section with the roles reversed would be an interesting conclusion.
I'd never written Midori before, but I had written a Rika arc, so I just ported Rika over from there. That idea you've just provided sounds like a good one. Hmm.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Reliable Narrators)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon May 14, 2018 9:50 am

Oddball wrote:
Sat May 05, 2018 11:02 pm
They idea was that six authors would choose obscure characters (except for somebody writing Shizune) and everybody would write the events of the story as their character tells them. Authors were told that they could completely ignore or disregard what other author's wrote and the reader could choose which one of these narrators were telling the truth if any.
You know, I was wondering just how much of the events was given to the authors...
Did someone make a list of stuff that happens as a baseline or did someone just write the first story and the others put their twists on it?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Reliable Narrators)

Post by brythain » Mon May 14, 2018 9:57 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:50 am
You know, I was wondering just how much of the events was given to the authors...
Did someone make a list of stuff that happens as a baseline or did someone just write the first story and the others put their twists on it?
I think Oddball started the ball rolling and we just took his stuff and ran with it. :D
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by Oddball » Mon May 14, 2018 11:01 am

Once we got all the characters figured out, I wrote the first chapter and then showed it to everyone for approval and suggestions. A few changes were made, things added, etc etc, and then it was posted. Everybody else went off that accepting or ignoring the details however they liked.

For the beginning, I told people that it was okay if their character lies about what happens or says my character was.
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WorldlyWiseman
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by WorldlyWiseman » Mon May 14, 2018 10:13 pm

Number five was probably going to be Akio I guess, but who was the sixth character intended to be? Takashi?
Hanako's favorite joke is The Aristocrats, but she never tells it because Lilly finds it really offensive. Instead, she practices her delivery in front of a mirror when she's alone. It's the only time she never stammers.

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180507 'Reliable Narrators')

Post by Oddball » Tue May 15, 2018 9:28 am

WorldlyWiseman wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 10:13 pm
Number five was probably going to be Akio I guess, but who was the sixth character intended to be? Takashi?
Yes. otherwise he wouldn't have been in the story. I forget who was supposed to write which character though.
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (Scar Crossed Lovers)

Post by Oddball » Tue May 15, 2018 9:14 pm

Image

Scar Crossed Lovers by MutilatedManequin.

This is not one of our good stories. It's not one of the horrible ones either. It's just kinda there. I think we need to talk about those too sometimes.

Here's a story about an American Transfer student that other than loving American popculture and wearing bad hats, seems a lot like Hisao.

The thing that gets me most about this is how the reason the character is really there isn't even listed in his medical records and Nurse doesn't even press him on the issue, just smiling when he says he doesn't want to talk about it.

The story only goes for two chapters and is then discontinued. Chapter 2 has Hanako being surprisingly talkative to a new guy, in class even, and nobody seem to think it's a big deal.

The guy also wears a fedora in class and won't take it off for mysterious reasons. As the story never continued, I'm going to assume it was because he was prematurely going bald.
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180514 'Scar-Crossed Lovers')

Post by WorldlyWiseman » Fri May 18, 2018 10:59 pm

I'm having trouble pushing through all the tense changes. This might be more interesting if the oc actually was unstuck in time.


Zac managed to dodge the student council today, but the fella next to him might never see the light of day again. So it goes.

When Zac came to on Trafalmador, his captors there inquired as to the nature of his head garb. Across the language barrier, he could only convey that it was a mark of his social standing.



"I have a feeling that Misha shared DNA with a subwoofer loudspeaker" doesn't seem like it would be that out of place coming from Hisao, though.
Hanako's favorite joke is The Aristocrats, but she never tells it because Lilly finds it really offensive. Instead, she practices her delivery in front of a mirror when she's alone. It's the only time she never stammers.

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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180514 'Scar-Crossed Lovers')

Post by ProfAllister » Sat May 19, 2018 8:54 am

Another catch-up post.

Nomiya POV - When I saw this announcement, my first thought was "I hope this isn't the one with the pedophilia allegations." So there's that.
There are ways to make an unlikeable character sympathetic without inventing some past trauma (that happens to be completely unrelated to their unpleasantness in the original story). It's lazy writing. It's a cheap "sad person is sad" story, attempting to be bold and transgressive by making a normally unsympathetic character sad. The problem is that it's unearned. As a result, it just feels empty.

Reliable Narrators - I'd been meaning to read this one for a while; this gave me the excuse to take the plunge. It was a trip.
Orie's story ended up being the basic straightforward recounting of events. It seems the intent was for later entries to cast doubt on her reporting, but we didn't really get much contradiction in later entries. As a result, this comes off as the baseline.
Midori's story took things in a different direction, as her reporting of events quickly turned things in a positively lovecraftian definition. I almost want to say that the lovecraftian turn was perhaps a bit too on the nose, but it's very likely that those unfamiliar with his work barely even noticed.
Also, I was mildly distracted by Rika, not for the obvious reason, but because it reminded me of a character from another work with a similar speech pattern, but decidedly different bearing. (Her preferred self-identification was "this humble fucking genin")
The context provided by Shizune's side was entertaining, and addressed a few of the more puzzling elements of the prior narrations.
Then we get Umber's contribution, which really starts shaking things up, especially with the huge contradiction it presents near the end. Which, incidentally, is the hook that leaves the reader thirsting for the conclusion of that story, as well as the remaining two sides of the story.
(Side note: I was distracted wondering if this was written with the continuing misidentification of Aoi as Keiko, and vice-versa. It's become a pet peeve of mine (I'm looking at you, http://katawashoujo.wikia.com))
Another voice added to the "it's a shame that it was never finished". It's also a shame that no one, in discussing the unfinished state, suggested the possibility of someone being Munchenhausen by proxy.

Scar-Crossed Lovers - Why do you insist on hurting us so? Overall, I have to agree with your final assessment that it is, in fact, a fanfic. My theory is either, as you suggest, Male Pattern Baldness, or he may have a slight case of Voldemort.
A few lines that stood out to me:
Shizune carries herself like a professional business woman. She walks with purpose. Like she is always heading somewhere important. Misha carries herself like she is following someone. That someone being Shizune most likely.
The first half of this quote shows promise; the second half wastes it.
"I learned when I was young. I wanted to learn Japanese so I could watch some anime with my cousin who was born here." I said, looking up at the flourescent lights. It was a lie, but a convincing one all the same, and Shizune seems to buy it.
I'm skeptical that this is a convincing lie. Fun story: I knew someone who taught herself Japanese (through anime initially) and went on to make a career of it. The first time she introduced herself in Japanese in a professional setting, the guy laughed - her Japanese was flawless, except for the fact that she spoke like a gangster.
I get some atheltic apparel on, which includes some thin running shorts, loose t-shirts, tennis shoes, and fedora.
Lines like this are liable to convince your readers that you're writing a parody.
I play with my pencil nervously as I hear Lilly blow her nose through my cell phone.
"Thanks, Hanako. Here's your phone back."

Also, from my read of the character, a proper depiction of Hanako's inner monologue should be suspicious, cynical, and probably darkly sarcastic. Her response to someone like this guy should be "what's his angle?" not "what is this strange desire stirring within my loins?"
Current Project: Misha Pseudo-Route

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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180514 'Scar-Crossed Lovers')

Post by Oddball » Sat May 19, 2018 12:32 pm

Also, from my read of the character, a proper depiction of Hanako's inner monologue should be suspicious, cynical, and probably darkly sarcastic. Her response to someone like this guy should be "what's his angle?" not "what is this strange desire stirring within my loins?"
Having Hanako think positively about somebody right off the bat always throws me from a story.

If she doesn't think a guy is just playing some kind of mean prank on her, she's going to assume he's going to get tired of her really quick when he does get to know her better.
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Oddball
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Re: Yamaku Book Club (20180514 'Scar-Crossed Lovers')

Post by Oddball » Tue May 22, 2018 6:29 pm

I'd like to get some more interaction here. Before I post the next story, what kind of story do you WANT to talk about?

Short or long?
OC based or main character based?
A Good story or a bad one?
Finished or unfinished?
Standard slice or life? Romance? Humor?
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