Yamaku Book Club (20220124 Dish Washing)

[Comrade]

Slightly early but might as well start it now.
Just got back from the NL so i don't have time for personal opinion yet, that'll come tommorrow.
The meeting may now begin

[Craftyatom]

The meeting may now begin

Excellent! Let's play Angel's Advocate for KS: Bloodline.

If I had bothered to remember the blurb describing this story as I dug my way into the first few chapters, I would've known from the start that one of the big things to worry about going in is the SETTING. This story takes place at Yamaku a number of years after KS. This is an orange flag. Going into KS's future is one of many literary pathways that can completely destroy a fic. Bloodline, however, was having none of that; in fact, the reader doesn't even know that the story takes place in the future until the main character mentions something that happened 'back in 2021'. That sentence itself felt a little thrown-in, and the author could perhaps even have not said anything at all, but honestly, the way things are now plays out fine. The fact that the story says so little about its setting is exactly what keeps it from being overbearing, which is the main downfall of futuristic settings in non-sci-fi works. It's important to note, though, that this story could not possibly have taken place in the present, which is the other reason why the setting works so well. It's all too easy to simply plug a completely normal story into a futuristic setting when it doesn't need it, but this story managed to revolve around events in the future without overdoing it.

Speaking of the story revolving around things, let's delve into the PLOT (it's what we read it for). The plot, although it has some slow moments, is in-depth and captivating. I'll be honest, even with the setting so well done, I wasn't sure that I wanted to read about future people. Then the story got going. I definitely want to read about future people now. The author has a nice way of hopping from one bright plot point to the next, always finding somewhere to go. I mentioned some slow parts, but the story doesn't slow down at any point because nothing's happening, rather, because something important is just about to happen. Given that the work Yaso is doing in act 2 is literally some of the least desirable paperwork there is, it would be easy to make those chapters all about how boring things are. This doesn't happen. Even the most monotonous tasks ever serve only as a background for important events to happen on, like the very last scene with Midori in the tea room. That scene should by all rights have been horribly boring; instead, we got an internal fear of expulsion and Ms. Satou, some wonderful conversation, a handshake that lasted a bit too long but who can blame them, and a wonderful narrative on hugging.

Speaking of hugging, let's take a look at what I'm going to call INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS, because "romance" would be too strong a word. Not that I wasn't expecting romance (and not that it wasn't right about to goddamn happen), but the author just never quite wrote that far. So, how do people interact with each other? All of the characters introduced seemed to work organically, with one obvious exception mentioned below. From day one, everyone Yaso met acted in a justifiable way, even if it wasn't always obvious at first. We saw some painfully obvious parallels to KS, but hey, it was bound to happen, and they weren't that bad. This story goes very much in the same direction as KS because the main character has such a dreary outlook on things when he arrives at Yamaku, and this is made clear during the race with Nakai, who 100% understands Yaso, adding to the list of characters that were done exactly right. Props to the author for his characterizations, and by extension (given that it's a first-person narrative), their dialogue and character interactions.

Next up, the one problem I had with the characters, or rather the characters I had one problem with: FAMILY. First off, some of the family dynamic felt a little forced. Maybe it's to do with who Yaso is, but the level that he sees his family on and the level that they stooped to during the time after his stroke seemed a bit drastic. Again, these aren't characters I made, so I can't dictate their motives, I'm simply saying that to me, they felt a little overdone. Things got a bit better, ironically, with the scene at the Shanghai involving Toshiro. To me, that scene told me that a lot of Yaso's relations with his family have to do with how he perceives them, and not necessarily how they truly act towards him. So, even though I had problems with the way the main character's family is presented, a lot of it could well be because of the simple fact that we only ever see Yaso's family in the light that he portrays them, again, because of the first-person narration. So, rather than necessarily being a characterization weakness with his parents and brother, perhaps this is a characterization strength with the main character.

Finally, let's cover the WRITING. I'll come right out and say it: there were quite a few spelling/grammar errors. Not a lot, certainly not enough to make it the most noticeable thing about the story, but enough that I was tempted to start correcting them even though the author hasn't posted anywhere since August of '13 (as far as I can see). Some people in the comments suggest getting an editor, which I would certainly recommend (I'd offer myself, to be honest, if it were an ongoing issue). All harsh words said, though, the text is 100% readable, and although there were parts where I grumbled, all in all, it doesn't take much away from the fantastic storyline. Writing also encompasses the section lengths, and I'll say that I really wanted the chapters to be longer, although that may not have been for the best; as mentioned above, the author jumps from important event to important event, with little filler or break time, and perhaps a higher word count would have removed this effect. I suppose this is all just driven by my desire to see more of this story, because I absolutely loved it.

So, on a scale of 1 to 4116, where 1 is accidentally spilling tea on yourself and 4116 is getting a hug from the best piano player this side of midnight, "KS: Bloodline" is "ABSOLUTELY AMAZING."

[Mirage_GSM]

I remember that one. It wasn't really bad, but there were a few things that put me off:
One was the cliché "The offspring are younger copies of their parents" trope, sharing even the same disabilities in some cases. Get a bit overused in this story.
The other thing was probably intentional, but the author kept some things a secret from the reader even if there was no real reason to keep it a secret from the protagonist, just to keep the suspension up for the reader. I think that's a rather cheap way of keeping the tension high.
Both things weren't major enough to make me hate the story, but neither can I say it was a good one.

[dewelar]

I remember that one. It wasn't really bad, but there were a few things that put me off:
One was the cliché "The offspring are younger copies of their parents" trope, sharing even the same disabilities in some cases. Get a bit overused in this story.
The other thing was probably intentional, but the author kept some things a secret from the reader even if there was no real reason to keep it a secret from the protagonist, just to keep the suspension up for the reader. I think that's a rather cheap way of keeping the tension high.
Both things weren't major enough to prevent me from enjoying the story, though. A shame it was discontinued.

Sadly, they were major enough for me. I bailed out somewhere around chapter 4. For me, at least, that means we went from the best story we've covered thus far to the worst.

[AntonSlavik020]

I couldn't get into it. I know I should have been able to get past the extremely negative opening(wow did his family piss me off) but I couldn't. Try as I might, I just couldn't get into this story.

[Helbereth]

Okay, in the interest of saving time and your eyes, I'll be blunt. I disliked this story. Essentially it's someone rewriting KS set 20 years in the future using a senselessly downtrodden protagonist; he's an emo kid who makes his life sound worse just to get attention, which is a cardinal sin in my book. That fact alone was enough to make me hate Yaso, and then we dip into the story which, for all intents and purposes, is KS lite.

Sure there are some differences in the characters and exactly how they interact, but basically we're given the updated Loony Toons: Tiny Toons - cripple edition. Everyone is an allegory of the original main cast, and it even goes so far as to turn Hisao into Akio (that's Mutou for those who might be scratching their heads), and somehow Yaso - who is a Gary Stu with family issues - was on a monorail toward fixing all their problems; that might be why the author abandoned the story - I hope they realized what they were doing and decided to stop.

Too harsh?

[brythain]

I do like the general idea of a sequel to KS; frankly, if there was a next-gen tale AND it acted as a satisfying 'epilogue' to the previous generation, I wouldn't mind.

However, this iteration of the trope seemed a bit over-contrived; in particular, the idea that our Lilly Satou would conspire with Hisao to do what they did in the way they did it—that was a major plot flaw to me. Unfortunately, it appeared to also be a major plot point. Sigh.

On a lighter note, given time, I'd like to try something like this myself. A successful next-gen is as much a holy grail as a successful new route for a canon or pseudo canon character.

The writing itself is OK, although one can always wish for better editing.

[forgetmenot]

Hmm. KS: Bloodline.

When I originally read it, my chief complaint was that it felt forced. The premise, the writing, the remarkably Gary Stu-ish main character... everything felt awkwardly shoehorned in. Going back and reading it again pretty much confirms - if not strengthens - my original assesment.

Forced stories aren't good. They can't be.

It was a good effort - but if you start with an inherently flawed premise, you're never going to be able to build a believable story on top of it.

[Oddball]

Yeah, add me on to the "I didn't like this" list.

[Comrade]

Yeah, add me on to the "I didn't like this" list.

I'm afraid this doesn't count as constructive discussion. Me and Sea will come up with an appropriate punishment

[Blasphemy]

So I'm not sure if it's a requirement to read the entire story to partake in these discussions but similarly to dewelar I also quit reading around chapter 4 or 5. Was surprised I haven't read this one yet but must've managed to slip by.

One of my major concern going into this was that another KS-lite with new protagonist just isn't my cup of tea anymore so when I was hoping for an interesting twist to all that. However, this taking place further in the future didn't really strike a chord with me. After all, what can you really do? Hopefully not just "meet old cast as teachers and other school authorities and have their children attend Yamaku as well". Unfortunately that ended up being the case, at least as far as I've read. And, quite frankly, the Shizune+Misha amalgamation killed any enthusiasm I may have had at that point. After Yaso then just has a morning run with Hisao and they share a conversation I simply didn't want to read on; especially as there seemed to be quite a ways to go.

At first I was a bit more hopeful because the execution at times seemed quite good. I liked the beginning sequence where Yaso gets the stroke.

Then again, I was then quickly confused as to why his family was so extremely terrible and wondered if there'd be more exposure for that later on.

The basic premise of an original character having his own Yamaku-readying accident roughly 15 years after the events of KS simply doesn't seem to be a good one.

[Oscar Wildecat]

Like others, I'm having problems getting through this particular story. Interesting premise, poor execution.

As for the premise. Depending upon the VN route (and Good/Bad Ending), you can realistically have at least three Yamaku students becoming teachers of some sort: Lilly, Hisao, and Misha. It's also not inconceivable that they would end up teaching at Yamaku -- especially Misha, who is assumed to have gotten tuition assistance throughout high school and perhaps even college. There are also interesting teacher candidates from the list of semi-canonical characters. (For example, I can just see Miki becoming a PE teacher, for some reason. Or a gang leader.)

Anyway, for me, the interest in a ex-Yamaku student as a teacher story would be in the role-reversal element. That is to say, how do these characters use their past experiences to solve other's problems in the present? There are hints of that element in this story. However, it gets lost in the noise of other plot elements and IMHO, a poorly written main character.

[Sea]

I return! And everything seems to have destabilized. Naturally. Firstly, I'm very sorry for dissapearing for literally a week or two after starting this damned thing, some family stuff came up and I had to be away from the internets for a while.
Secondly, AHEM

2) Once again, no 'This is the bestest fic ever' or 'that fic sucks' Constructive discussion only please

As surprised as I am that its taken this many meetings to break the first rule (I get it's the second rule but It's the first rule broken so yes) so I'm feeling kinda lenient, so everybody who expressed abject dislike whilst not contributing to the discussion in any way (to clarify, if you don't like any given story, explain how, why, and what the author could do better, the author of KS: Bloodlines is active, but not posting an no doubt is looking at all this. Saying "I don't like it" isn't constructive in the least) So as punishment, Oddball, the only one to have directly hated on it without contributing at all, you must compose a poem praising Yaso Atoza before the next meeting. Until such time your votes shall be void. Go!

Next order of business, and in the interests of getting back in the swing of things, next fic! Woohoo!

The Night Before Tomorrow
Author: Aura

This one is soooooo far back it doesn't even have a library entry and I really don't have the time to make one right now, I'm settling back in right now, but there it is! It's so very short that tomorrow this time-ish we'll have the meeting, and maybe start another longer one. Thanks again for not burning down the thread or getting it depth charged whist i was away, you're all awesome (except for Oddball )

[Oddball]

Roses are red
Violets are Blue
I have no clue how to pronounce Yaso Atoza
but the name does look kinda cool written out
The end.

[Sea]

Roses are red
Violets are Blue
I have no clue how to pronounce Yaso Atoza
but the name does look kinda cool written out
The end.

Acceptable