Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

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brythain
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by brythain » Sun May 11, 2014 9:21 am

That was a very enjoyable read! Feels like it needs a tad more characterisation, but is fine for a first chapter.

Minor stuff:

1) 3.3 mol of magnesium hydroxide is almost 200g of the stuff. That's… a lot.
2) Hisao notices three pairs of eyes, but not who the third pair belongs to...
3) Why is there a room marked Class 5-2? Yamaku probably only has Years 1-3. However, Room 5-2 is fine (fifth floor, 2nd room).
4) Scruffy the Janitor? Lol…
5) Yes, the manly feels make a legit guest appearance!
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Numb » Sun May 11, 2014 9:29 am

brythain wrote: 1) 3.3 mol of magnesium hydroxide is almost 200g of the stuff. That's… a lot.
2) Hisao notices three pairs of eyes, but not who the third pair belongs to...
3) Why is there a room marked Class 5-2? Yamaku probably only has Years 1-3. However, Room 5-2 is fine (fifth floor, 2nd room).
4) Scruffy the Janitor? Lol…
5) Yes, the manly feels make a legit guest appearance!
1) I ain't no chemist, that was something a friend on Skype did for me. I have been trolled.
2) Both Akio and Misaki are fairly quiet in this scene for a reason, Natsume and Naomi are the talkative ones because it's their club.
3) Fifth floor, second room. Supposed to be a place than barely anyone goes.
4) Making it a goal to include a reference in every chapter, just as a fun challenge.
5) Indeed!
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun May 11, 2014 10:37 am

brythain wrote: However, Room 5-2 is fine (fifth floor, 2nd room).
Except I don't think Yamaku has five floors either...
I'd have to check the relevant passages in the VN, but it sounds wrong to me.
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by bhtooefr » Sun May 11, 2014 10:58 am

Extrapolating from the photos of "Yamaku"'s main building, and some comments Hisao makes in the VN, there's five floors, but they're zero-indexed - the entryway is on the first floor, but the first floor is not the ground level. So, the highest numbered floor would be four.

(I believe the cafeteria IS on the ground level, though.)
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by brythain » Sun May 11, 2014 11:02 am

bhtooefr wrote:Extrapolating from the photos of "Yamaku"'s main building, and some comments Hisao makes in the VN, there's five floors, but they're zero-indexed - the entryway is on the first floor, but the first floor is not the ground level. So, the highest numbered floor would be four.

(I believe the cafeteria IS on the ground level, though.)
So that's what they're doing on the roof all the time...
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by bhtooefr » Sun May 11, 2014 11:08 am

I'm actually not sure what part of the roof they're on, but the main building has two sections, one of which doesn't have a 4th floor. The roof access used in the VN may be to that part of the roof from the 4th floor, rather than above the 4th floor.
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 11, 2014 11:28 am

I am enjoying this interpretation of Naomi and Natsume.

Then again, I've always had a weakness for genki girls and their beleaguered sidekicks.
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Re: Lustre - Chapter One: Hisao Nakai; journalist.

Post by Hotkey » Mon May 12, 2014 5:33 am

Numb wrote:as rest of the space remains empty,
Quick fix.
Hoitash wrote:I am enjoying this interpretation of Naomi and Natsume.
Same here. I'm enjoying N&N's company more than Misaki's at the moment, but I'm sure that will soon change.

You know, it wasn't until some weeks (or months) after the first chapter was posted that I realized Misaki was the same person as Misaki-senpai from One To The Radiant Season. I'd played the game but... just not made the connection. *Sigh* Kinda feel like a dumbass!

Anyway, very enjoyable, and I'm looking forward to chapter two.

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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Numb » Mon May 12, 2014 7:26 am

Fixed the class 5-2 thing, moved the room from the imaginary fifth floor to the fourth. All other corrections have also been made. Glad to see you guys are enjoying it so far, despite not having actually fully introduced Misaki :lol:
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Re: Lustre - Chapter One: Hisao Nakai; journalist.

Post by Craftyatom » Mon May 12, 2014 11:15 pm

Numb wrote:“Scruffy retired?”
He will be missed. Hopefully he lives out his dream of owning a beach house with that old wash bucket of his.
brythain wrote:3.3 mol of magnesium hydroxide is almost 200g of the stuff. That's… a lot.
Hey man, don't judge. Sometimes you need a lot. :P Besides, Google says that that should only cost $11 or so.

I enjoyed this chapter. It wasn't exciting, per se, but I firmly believe that there will come a time for excitement, eventually. Keep up the good work!
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Mahorfeus » Tue May 13, 2014 5:32 am

Not the original reason I asked this question, but it seems a little relevant.

Anyway, I still feel like the segue into Hisao's recruitment is a tad too forced, but the character interaction was actually pretty funny. And it's nice to see another fanfic that makes use of Akio. I've always been biased in favor of him, for god knows what reason.
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Steinherz » Sat May 31, 2014 3:36 pm

Very interesting. I'll be monitoring this thread as well (hopefully it's not a deadfic :lol: )
I write take a look, would you kindly?
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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Numb » Sat May 31, 2014 4:02 pm

Steinherz wrote:Very interesting. I'll be monitoring this thread as well (hopefully it's not a deadfic :lol: )
It isn't, don't worry. I've been a bit busy recently with returning to school after a break, and the first few chapters always suck to write, so progress has been slow. I don't want to rush this like I did my Miki route :lol:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Steinherz » Sat May 31, 2014 7:19 pm

Numb wrote:
Steinherz wrote:Very interesting. I'll be monitoring this thread as well (hopefully it's not a deadfic :lol: )
It isn't, don't worry. I've been a bit busy recently with returning to school after a break, and the first few chapters always suck to write, so progress has been slow. I don't want to rush this like I did my Miki route :lol:
Yes, let's keep the Miki curse to Miki and not the other gals with names beginning with "M" :lol:
I write take a look, would you kindly?
I also draw, kind of.
KeiichiO wrote:You shall now, and forever be known as, "Steinherz, The Great".
Oddball wrote:It's an obvious mistake. Both are disfigured orphans that read alot and both wear green skirts.

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Re: Lustre: A Misaki Kawana Route [Update 11/05/2014]

Post by Lelouch Vi Britannia » Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:00 am

This is intriguing indeed, I too will be monitoring this thread keep up the good work :)
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