Rin Christmas Time

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TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

This is my first post. I understand I should post 100 lines each so I'll try my best. I'll try to edit if it messes it up. Also any advice or comments or questions are appreciated. If you prefer the pastebin version:

Background: The following story is a sequel to another I wrote. The original story takes place 2 years following Rin's neutral end. Hisao had gone to college, while Rin stayed at Yamaku. Long story short, 6 months later they move in together. This story is set 2 years after that, in the same apartment they had moved in together. In total 4 years have passed since her neutral end.

December 14th

"Rin, lets go for a walk today."
I took my eyes off the canvas and looked at Hisao. I had been having trouble coming up with something to paint.
"Okay."
"Do you have somewhere you want to go?"
"No."
He stared at me for a moment. Then picked up his keys and went into the bedroom.
He came back out with my jacket and some socks.

After a few minutes of getting ready we headed outside.

-----

There were a lot of lights and pictures of jewelry. The streets were more crowded than usual. It also felt really cold. I could see my breath. I moved closer to Hisao. He felt really warm.
"Is something wrong Rin?"
"It's cold."
Hisao paused for a moment.
"I know how to fix that."
He started walking faster. We ended up inside a store pretty quick. There were mannequins and clothes everywhere.
He led me to a section near the back of the store. I gave him a really confused look.
"Why are we here?"
"I'm buying you a scarf."
He pointed to a table a few feet away. It had different colors of scarfs. Some had patterns and some were one color. I looked at the table for a while.
"The one with snowflakes."
He looked at the table and picked it up. Then he wrapped it around my neck and smiled before taking it back off.
"It looks cute, Rin."
My chest tightened up a bit. Hisao was the only one who made me feel like that. I still don't really get why, but I wanted to be around him more. And he always found a way to get me things to paint.

-----

We kept walking for a while. Then he stopped us at a line on the street.
"Whats the line for?"
"You'll see."
He had a smile on his face. I didn't really know what it was for, but I felt a lot warmer with the scarf. I couldn't see my breath anymore though.

"What would you and the young lady like today?"
An older man was running the stand. He seemed really happy for some reason. I couldn't think of anything to say to him though.
Hisao looked at me for a few moments. I stared back blankly not knowing what he wanted.
"Just one hot chocolate."
He turned around a for a few seconds and put a cup on the counter. Steam was rising up from them in different shapes.
"That'll be ¥410."
Hisao took out his wallet and paid for the drink. Then he pointed towards a set of tables nearby and waited for me to lead the way. I walked over to one of them and scooted the chair out with my foot before sitting down.
He sat in the other chair and blew on the cup for a few minutes.
"Have you ever had hot chocolate before Rin?"
"No."
I looked around and saw a bunch of couples. Everyone was wearing a lot of jackets and scarves. I looked at the one Hisao had bought me. It was really warm. My chest got tight again.
"Here, Rin. Careful though."
He reached the cup out to me. I slowly moved a bit closer. The table was pretty small so I didn't have to move very far. Once it reached my mouth, he slowly tilted the cup up. He's a lot better than the first time he treated me.
It was hotter than I thought it would be. I drew back a little at first. It tasted warm, and sweet. I like it.
"Well?"
He looked at me with a smile.
"I liked it."
His smile grew wider. Did I miss something?
"Did you find anything to paint?"
I thought for a second.
"Yeah. Lots."
He smiled.
"Good. I guess we should head back after this then."
"Okay."
Last edited by TezukaChan on Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 15th

"Rin, lunch is ready."
Oh, I guess I haven't ate today.
I put down my brush.
Hisao doesn't like when I go too long without eating.
I look to the kitchen from my chair.
He makes new things a lot. I wonder what he made this time. It smells really spicy. I like spicy things sometimes. But I like sweet things too.

He brought my plate to the table.
This time it was something normal. I think I like it better this way. Sometimes he makes things that taste weird. He made curry this time. I like his curry, it's better now than it was before.

"Is that from yesterday?"
I don't know what he's talking about.
"The painting."
"Yeah."
I had painted the place that we drank hot chocolate at. It looked different from that place though. But it was still that place. I think I want to go there again. I saw a lot of things to paint.
He stared at the painting while he ate. He always looks at my paintings a lot. But he doesn't do like the people at the museums do. It's different. I like when he looks at them. He never asks me too many questions about them.

------

"Do you want to watch a Christmas movie?"
I looked up at him. Then I looked at the painting.
I'm really tired. My feet hurt too. I always like to paint. But sometimes Hisao gets me to do other things. They usually end up being good things that get me more things to paint.
"Okay."
He smiled and picked up the dishes.
"I think I have enough time to wash the dishes before the next one starts."
I don't really get it. I'll just sit on the couch.

After a few minutes he came back and stretched his arms as he sat down. He started to change the channels.
There's a lot of channels on tv. I don't watch tv much, just when Hisao asks me to sometimes. I usually just paint.
"Here it is."

-----

The show was about a kid that got left home alone. Then some people tried to get in his home. And the kid tries to get them back out. That's what Hisao told me. Its weird that his family forgot about him. I like the snow in it though.

I think it's about half over now. I'm really sleepy though. My eyes are heavy too. I move a little closer to Hisao and lean on his shoulder.
"Are you tired?"
"Little."
He relaxed his arm a bit. It feels a bit more comfortable now. He's really warm. I think I like that about him. He always looks out for me.

-----

Maybe I'm more tired than I thought. I think the movie's almost over. I can't really keep my eyes open for it though. Maybe I'll just sleep here. I think that sounds nice.


"Rin, it's time to get up."
I feel heavy. Am I full of sand? Maybe something heavier.
"Rin?"
I think I have to get up now. I don't want to. I want to sleep more. My body is heavy. It's hot too. Really hot. Like the sun. Now my head feels even hotter.
There's a pressure on it now too.
"You're burning up. Did you catch a cold?"
I just want to sleep Hisao. Let me sleep. I curl up a bit more. I think there's a blanket on me. Did he put it there? I'm hot but I'm cold too.
"I'm getting a rag and some water, just stay right there."
Where was I going? I just want to sleep. It's so cold now. I'm thirsty too.

"Okay. Turn on your back so I can put the rag on your forehead."
That was fast. I just want to sleep. Maybe I can sleep if I listen to him. I usually like what he has me do.
"Say ahhhhh"
"ah..."
What's this? Its small. Cold.
"Now close."
I closed my mouth. What now? I want to sleep Hisao.
Beep beep beep.
"Open."
He was quiet. I think he sighed. Can I sleep now?
"Okay, just take it easy. I'm here for you."
I think I can sleep now. But I'm thirsty. My throats so dry now.
"Water."
"Right here."
He already had it. I opened my eyes so I could see the cup. He got a straw. He's always nice. I don't think I can paint today. I need to paint, but my body's so heavy.
I reach my head up a little and sip from the straw.
Its cold but my throat feels better. I think I'm more tired now though. I think I'm going to sleep.

------

Rin...
You only had a fever of 101, but I'm still worried. I guess I'll just keep your rag rinsed out and your cover up.

I can see her chest rising and falling. It's really steady, I guess that's a good thing. I hate that you look like you're in so much pain though. I'm sorry you can't paint today. I promise I'll do my best to take care of you.

-----

"Hello?"
"Hey Emi, It's Hisao."
"Hisao! How are you doing? Ready to go for our run today? I was just about to leave."
"...About that. Rin's, got a cold so I'm going to stay and take care of her. I'm sorry."
"It's fine. It's fine. Tell her I said to get well soon! alright?"
"Sure thing, thanks. Again, sorry."
"Really don't worry, take care of her."
"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Mhmm."

I'm sorry Emi, but I have to take care of Rin for now. I'll try to make it up to you.

-----

I wonder if she can eat dinner. I think we have some soup, maybe I'll just make some of that and she can eat a little bit of it. Yeah, I'll do that.

"Rin, I'm going to make some soup. Try to eat some when I get back ok?"
She didn't respond. But her chest is rising and falling and her fever hasn't gone up, she should be okay. I'll just change her rag before I go.

-----

"Rin, your soups ready. Try to eat some okay? You can go back to sleep after."
I slowly moved her by her shoulders to try and wake her up.
Slowly, she seemed to wake up.
"Hisao?"
"Rin, try to sit up for a little, okay?"
It took her a little bit, but she sat up against the arm of the couch. I support her back with one hand. She just looked around with her eyes half open.
"I'll bring it to you, so try to eat a few bites, okay?"
I used my other hand to bring a spoonful to her mouth. I just scooped up some broth to start. She slowly opened her mouth after I got close. Her lips look very soft. Ah, focus Hisao.
I kept scooping her spoonfuls, and after a few started to add some of the actual soup. But after a few bites of that, she leaned her back into my hand. I guess she's done.
"That was good Rin, just get some sleep. I'll be right here for you."
I hope she gets better soon. I hate seeing her like this.

Oh, I think she's asleep already. She must be really tired. It's getting pretty late though. The sun's already down. I don't want to leave her alone. I'll stay up a bit longer.

-----

I'm really tired. I think I'll get a futon from our room. Just in case she needs something.

-----

I move the table over a bit and lay the futon next to it.

"Good night. Sleep well and get better."
I guess I'll call it a night too. Hopefully she feels better tomorrow.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 16th

My body is really heavy. I think its lighter though. It was worse yesterday. I don't think I can paint today. My legs are heavy. I want to paint. I need to sleep though. I'm not tired. My throat hurts. It's really dry.

"Rin, are you up?"
Hisao's calling me. I guess I can't sleep.
"Yes."
"Do you think you can eat?"
I don't want food. My throat hurts too much.
"Water."
"Just a second."
He got up and went to the kitchen. He was almost running. He's really nice. He took care of me yesterday too. I really like him.
I feel really cold again. But I'm burning up too. My back hurts. I think I should sit up for a bit.

"Here, it's got ice in it."
He held the cup up to me with a straw in it. He's even nicer to me when I feel bad.
I lean forward a little bit and take a couple sips.
It hurts to swallow. But my throat feels better after. It's like the opposite of a band-aid when you take it off. I don't like band-aids.
"Just take it easy today, okay?"
I nod and sit back into the couch. The blanket is warm.

-----

"Hisao, why are you so nice?"
I didn't hear anything. He usually replies quick. He looks a little worried.
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you so nice?"
His face looked scrunched up. Like those things people wear on their wrists.
The tv is playing some movie. I'm not paying attention to it. My brain's fuzzy. Like a caterpillar. I can't paint like this. I want to paint again. Hisao still hasn't said anything.

"Because I like you, Rin."
That's why? My chest hurts. It's really tight. I feel hotter now. I don't like this. Hisao usually makes me feel better. He usually helps me paint. I don't like this.
"Rin?"
I curled up. I just want to get better so I can paint. I don't want my chest to hurt.
"Are you okay?"
His voice seemed really worried.
"My chest hurts. I'm hot. I'm cold. I'm heavy. I can't paint."
I feel really tired. I just want to rest.
"It's okay Rin, just give it a couple of days, okay?"
I nodded. Hisao is usually right about things. He always helps me. My throat hurts again. It's dry.
"Water."
He picked the cup up and slowly brought it to me.
I took a few sips. It still hurts to swallow. I feel more tired. I think I want to go back to sleep again. Hisao looks comfy. I think I'll rest on his shoulder. That always makes me feel good.

-----

Rin looks adorable. When I first met her, I thought she was very plain. She doesn't have large breasts, she sometimes looks anorexic, she has short hair, she wore boy clothes. But now, I can't take my eyes off her. She's beautiful. I hate that she is so sick right now, but I still think she is beautiful. I want to protect her.
I like when she rests on my shoulder. It makes me feel that she trusts me, and I don't ever want that feeling to end. She changed me for the better. I hope she can always paint, that's my favorite thing in the world. The face she makes when she paints, makes it seem as if nothing else exists.
But for now she needs to rest, so I'll keep her safe until she is better.

-----

It's hard to wake up. I just want to sleep forever.
"Rin, I need you to eat a little, okay? Then you can go back to sleep."
"Okay."
"I have it right here, sit up so you don't choke."
I can feel his hand on my back. I let him pull me up against the side of the couch. His hand is hot. My chest hurts again. Why does my chest keep hurting?
"Say ahhhhhh."
"ahh..."

It's a lot of work to eat. My throat hurts every time I swallow. Can't I just sleep? I want to sleep. Eating's too hard.

"Just a bit more."
Are we done? I want to sleep. I'm so tired.

"That's good. Do you want to sleep in the bed tonight? The couch isn't good for your back. "
"Okay."
He stared at me for a while. I don't know what he wants. The bed's too far away.

Oh, he's picking me up. I lean into him. I don't want to fall. His chest is really warm. My chest hurts a lot now. It's really hot. I was just cold. I like being close to him. I don't know why. I don't want him to leave.

"There you go Rin, I'll go get my futon and sleep next to you in case you need anything. I'll be right back."
"Wait." I don't want you to go. I want you close. "Sleep here."
He stopped for a second. Then he smiled softly.
"Okay, but I'll be mad if you get me sick."
Then he slowly climbed into the other side. I can't feel him from here. I want him close tonight.
I scoot up to his back.
"Here."
He didn't move. I guess its okay then. I feel a little better. I think Hisao is magic. I like him being closer. I think I can paint tomorrow. I have to. Hisao smells nice too. My chest doesn't hurt as much. I think that's the best part.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 17th

"I'm heading out Rin. If you start to feel bad again, call me, okay? I'll come right back."
Hisao is leaving. I think he works today. I don't want to go anywhere. I haven't painted in a long time. I'm just going to paint today.

------

"Rin? It's getting dark out. You should eat something."
I stopped moving my foot. Eat? I haven't eaten all day. When did Hisao get back? I just want to paint. Maybe I should eat though. I don't want Hisao to worry. That would make it hard to paint.
"Okay."
I can paint again after I eat.

He had already brought the Yakisoba he made. I like that he cuts the noodles up. It makes it easier to eat. He didn't used to do it. He's always kind. He is better at cooking now too. I don't care much about the food though.

I don't know what the show on the tv is about. Hisao looks like he likes it. I don't like tv. I'd rather paint.

"Emi was happy to hear you were better. I told her when we went for a run today."
He runs with Emi a lot. It's good. I wouldn't like it if his heart killed him. He hasn't had any trouble with it in a while.
"Is your heart better?"

"Yes and no. As long as I keep running I should be fine though. Why?"
I feel hot. I always feel weird when Hisao is near me. I don't know why. I hope he can keep running with Emi. I'm not good at running.

"I'm going to go to bed, Rin, I have to work early tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Don't stay up too late, okay? You need to sleep too."
I nodded. He worries when I don't sleep. Sometimes I have to paint and can't sleep. I'm not doing anything tomorrow. I'll just stay up a little longer.

-----

Hisao's asleep already. I should be quiet when I get in the bed. He always leaves the covers open on my side.

His back is warm. He said he likes when I'm close to him. I like it too. Sometimes it makes me feel weird. I don't like it those times. Most of the time it's a good feeling. I feel safe when he is close too. I sleep better. I don't want him to leave. I need to sleep so I can paint more.
"Good night, Hisao."

December 18th

"I'm home Rin."
I look up from the canvas. Hisao's in his work uniform. It's really plain. I wonder if he likes work. I've never been to his work. It's still early. He usually gets off late. I wonder why he had to go early.
"I'm gonna take a shower, and I have some errands. You okay on your own?"
I nodded. Why wouldn't I be? He asks questions like that a lot. I don't know why he asks them. They seem important to him though. Like painting is for me. I should go back to painting.

-----

"Rin, do you want to do anything on Christmas?"
"Paint."
He laughed a little. What's funny? What else would I do?
"I was thinking we could go somewhere. Out to eat, or around town."
He doesn't ask me to go out a lot. I guess I can go. I should be able to paint a lot before then. Maybe there is something there that I can paint.
"Okay."
"Thanks, I'll plan it all out. Don't worry about a thing."
He sounds excited. Is it that important? We've gone to town before. Maybe there is something new. I wonder what it is. Right now I'll just paint. I have to paint what I have now.

-----

She's totally lost in her painting, almost like it's an entirely different world. Maybe it is for her.
I love that about her. And the face she makes while she's painting, is adorable. It's still hard for me to believe we're together, and for so long. I'm glad. I'll protect you forever, Rin.
Now I just need to go out and buy her a Christmas present. It's gonna be hard to buy for her though. We've been together for a long time, but I still have trouble with this kind of stuff. I think I'll be able to find something if I just go looking though.

"Rin, I'll be back later. I'm going to run my errands now."
"Okay."
She didn't always reply when I told her I was heading out, but she has been doing it more lately. I hope I'm not interrupting her paintings though. I wonder if I should start leaving notes instead. Anyway, I need to stay focused on buying her a gift.

-----

"Rin, I'll be back later. I'm going to run my errands now."
"Okay."

I guess he is going to see Emi. He's been leaving a lot lately. It's easier to paint when he's near. Maybe it's hard to paint when he isn't here. I don't like when I can't paint. Maybe I should go with him more. But then I can't paint. I don't know what to do.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 19th

"Rin, are you ready for your exhibit tomorrow?"
Oh it's time for one of those. I don't like them. They take a long time. I can't paint. People ask me a lot of questions. It's not as bad as it was a long time ago. Hisao makes them better. He answers questions for me. He stays with me too. It's not as bad as long as he is there.
"Okay."
"Do you need anything? Do you have any that you want to add? We have the ones from a couple months ago, but you know you can add some whenever you want."
"No."
He looked sad. I don't like when he looks sad.
"Thank you."
He smiled when I said it. It's easy to make him happy. Like a dog. I like it more when he is happy. I still don't like the exhibits. Even if Hisao's there, I would rather paint.

-----

"Rin, dinner's ready."
It's nighttime already? I can't paint much more. I won't be able to paint tomorrow. I don't like exhibits. Hisao says it's important for me to go. If Hisao says I need to, then I will. I trust Hisao. Things he says to do are usually good. I like those things. I like Hisao. He didn't go to see Emi today. That makes me happy. I wonder why. I like Emi. She has fun with Hisao too. Why do I not like her seeing him? My chest hurts. I'm not hungry anymore.
"I'm fine."
"You're not hungry? You haven't eaten since breakfast right?"
"I'm fine."
"It's important to eat."
I just want to paint. I'm not hungry. My chest hurts. I don't get it.
"Rin?"
"Hisao, I'm not hungry."
He didn't say anything. I think I upset him. He kept asking. I just want to paint. I'm not hungry. Just let me paint.

-----

"I'm going to bed... I'll see you in the morning, Rin. Good night."
"Goodnight."
I'm tired. Tomorrow is a long day. I can't paint. I just keep thinking about Hisao, and Emi. Why? I don't want to go to the exhibit. I'm just going to go to bed.
"Me too."
He turned to look at me. He was already at the door. He smiled. Is me going to bed a good thing? Hisao likes weird things. That's him though. I like him.

-----

My exhibit's soon. I don't want to go. Hisao told me I have to go. He said he would stay with me the whole time. I really like Hisao.
I let out a sigh.
"Can't they just look at the paintings? I don't think I'm as good to look at."
"Rin..."
He frowned. I have to be here. Being at these makes me tired. At least Hisao's here.

-----

"You're Rin, right?"
"Yes."
"I love your paintings, where does your inspiration come from?"
I don't like when people ask me about them. I just want to paint. I don't want to explain them. The painting is the painting. If I say what it is then it's different. I look at Hisao. He said he would answer questions.

"Um, I'm sorry ma'm, but Rin doesn't like to answer questions about her paintings. If you have any questions I can answer though..."
The woman turned to Hisao. She didn't look happy. This is why I don't like being at these.
"Can you tell me then?"
Hisao looked worried. I don't like when he is like that. I want to go.
"She paints things she can't say."
"Hmmmm. Alright, that's all I wanted."
She started walking off. I wonder if more people will come. I don't want them to.

"You okay Rin? I know you don't like people asking a lot about your paintings."
I nodded. I just want to paint.
"Alright, let me know if you can't take it okay? I'll make up an excuse for us to leave."
Hisao's always nice. This is why I like him. He always helps me when I need it. It makes me smile.
I move closer to his arm. Hisao's really warm. I like being close to him.

-----

"We made it, Rin."
"Barely"
I lean into Hisao. I'm tired. The old me would paint now. I feel like I can't. I'll paint tomorrow.
"Do you want to go to bed Rin? You look really tired."
"No."
I don't want to move. It's warm here. Hisao's comfortable. I'll just close my eyes.

------

"Rin?"
He was speaking softly. I move my head a bit. I'm too tired to talk.
"I think she's asleep."

He's moving. I don't want to go anywhere. What do you want?

I think Hisao was tired too. He made it so we're both laying down. I didn't know the couch was so comfortable. I think I can sleep better now. Thanks, Hisao.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 20th

Why does my back hurt? Oh, I slept on the couch last night. I shouldn't do that anymore. It always makes my back hurt. I wonder if Hisao's back hurts?
I think I'll start painting. I couldn't yesterday. I really need to today.

-----

My back is killing me! I really should have let Rin sleep alone on the couch, or took her to bed. I bet she's going to spend the rest of the day painting. I wonder what she's going to paint. I don't really understand all of her paintings, but a lot of them look like the places I take her. Though, saying they look like them might be a stretch. Most of the time everything is stretched out or skewed so much I hardly recognize it. I'll have to check back after I go running with Emi. But first, breakfast.

-----

Hisao just left to run with Emi again. I don't like that. Why don't I like that? It used to not bother me. It makes my chest hurt when he goes to be alone with her. I should just paint. Then my chest won't hurt. Maybe I'll stay closer to Hisao. That might help.

-----

"I'm home."
"Welcome back."
She responded again? She's usually too lost in her paintings. I feel like she doesn't even notice me coming back sometimes.

Oh, she finished a painting, I wonder what it is.
"Rin, is something wrong?"
The painting wasn't what I expected. The background was a mess of colors, at least to me, and there were three stick figure people. But the people were bent at weird angles and curved. In the middle of the painting was a deep green heart, with a red, thorny vine around it. I don't really understand it, but somethings definitely off with Rin.
"No."
She just gave me a blank stare. Am I over-thinking things? I don't really understand Rin's art in the first place. Maybe it's all in my head. That has to be it. Just because it seems weird, doesn't mean its anything bad. I'll just make dinner and call it a night.

December 21st

I wonder what Hisao's going to do today. I've been thinking about him more lately. It makes it hard to paint. Maybe I'll spend the day with him. That normally gives me more things to paint.

"Hisao?"
"Rin? Do you need something?"
"Let's go somewhere."
He looked confused for a minute.
"Where?"
"Doesn't matter."
He didn't reply for a while. He usually has places to go. I thought he would know where to go.
"Got it!"

He picked up his keys and gestured for me to follow him.
"Make sure you bring your jacket and scarf."

-----

"It's cold."
"You'll warm up a bit once we get moving."
I think I'll walk closer. Hisao's always warm. I don't know where we're going. But Hisao's here, so I think it's ok.

"It's not too far, so we can just walk there from here."
I nodded. I guess we won't be out too long. There aren't many people out here. I think it's because it's so cold. There's snow everywhere, it makes it hard to move.

-----

"Do you know where we are Rin?"

I looked around. Why am I here? I don't know why he would choose this place of all places. We haven't talk about what happened since the last time we were here.

"Yes."

My voice was quiet. It's hard to talk. I said a lot of things back then, but I didn't end up doing what I said I would and ended up doing something else instead.

"I looked at your paintings some more last night after dinner. And while I don't know what's wrong, something is. You've been acting differently, so I thought I would bring you here. Do you know why?"
"No."
"I want you to know that we've both changed. I also want to call you a liar. You told me 'It's easy. After all, I am good at forgetting things.' But you haven't forgotten. It's why you came back right?"

I can't say anything. My head's spinning like it's full of fish, and they keep swimming, and it makes the water go everywhere, and I can't keep it straight. What does he want?

"Rin, I love you. I want us to stay together forever. I want to always be able to see you paint. I want to protect you from all the questions people ask, and all the fish you tell me are in your head. I don't really understand much about art, or the fish, or how you think. But I still love you, only you. So if you have a problem, talk to me. If something bothers you, talk to me. Okay?"

My eyes are all wet. Why am I crying? Why is my chest so tight. It's like there are butterflies in my stomach, but I didn't eat any. How can he make me feel all this, yet I still feel happy?

"I don't get it, Hisao. I don't get it at all."

I walk to him and lean forward. I put my chin on his shoulder and push into him. I just want to be closer to him. I don't understand any of this, but being close makes everything calm down. My chest isn't as tight, the fish aren't moving as much, and there are less butterflies. I just don't want him to leave.

"I won't forget."
"Me either, Rin."

-----

"We're home Rin."
"It's cold here, too."
"I'll turn the heat up. Is there anything else you want to do?"
"I don't know."
He looks at me weird.
"How about a movie? I don't really know what else we can do right now."
"Okay."
I walk to the living room and turn on the tv. I don't know what channel the movie is on though. I'll just wait for Hisao on the couch.

"I brought a blanket, since the heat might take a while to warm us up."
I moved to his side when he sat down. I want to stay close today. The further he gets the worse I feel. I don't like when the fish swim in my head or when the butterflies are in my chest.

He put his arm over my shoulder. His arms hotter than the covers are. I like it though. Has Hisao always been this comfortable?

"This one's about a guy who becomes Santa. I think you might like it more than the last one we watched."
I gently push into him. I don't care much about the movie. I just want to stay close to Hisao. I don't know why I'm like this. This me isn't the me that I usually am. Is it because of Emi?

-----

"Are you still cold Rin?"
"No."
I'm not cold anymore. I just want to stay close.
"Do you like the movie so far?"
I've been watching but I'm not interested. It's not like when I paint.
"It's ok."

-----

"Did you like watching movies today, Rin?"
"It was okay."
We ended up watching movies all day. I didn't paint today. I just stayed with Hisao. My body feels hot and my chest is still tight. It's not as bad as long as I'm close to Hisao though. I want to be closer to Hisao.
"It's getting late."
"Hisao, let's go to bed."

-----

We're in bed, but my chest still hurts, and it feels hot even though I'm not wearing anything. I want to be closer to him.
"Hisao, you're too far away."
I press my chest against his bare back. He only sleeps in boxers. He feels really warm.
"Is something wrong?"
I push my right leg between his.
"No."
I move my big toe across the back of his toes.
He laughs. "Rin, that tickles."
I push my big toe between his right foot's big toe and index toe.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know."
My minds everywhere. I can't think straight. I want to do this though.
I slide my thigh up.
"...Rin."
His voice is weak.
"You don't like it?"
"It's not that."
I press my left leg against his. He's breathing heavy. He starts turning around.
"Stop. Don't turn around."
"...Okay."
My face feels hot. I don't want him to look. I don't know why. I just want to stay close to him.
I take my toe out from between his and run it along the arch of his foot.
He lets out a sound. Does he like it?
I move it up and down his foot slowly. His waist pushes into mine. I put my arm against his side to stop from moving back. I can't get much grip though.
"Rin."
I nestle my left foot behind his and slowly wiggle my toes back and forth.
I move my right foot and trace the outline of his left ankle slowly.
"You have really rough feet, Hisao."
"I'm... sorry."
He isn't speaking normally. I think he's out of breath.
"I like them."
I take my right heel and run it along the top of his foot, then down to his big toe. I slowly move it across his toes, running up between each toe slowly.
I like his feet. I feel better now, too.
I pull my right leg out from between his and stop pushing my legs against his. I keep my chest against his and relax.
"Thank you, Hisao."
"I didn't do anything."
"You did."
He relaxes too. I think he's breathing normally now. I'm tired.
"Good night."
"Uh... Good night, Rin."
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 22nd

He's gone. I guess he had work today. The room is really cold. Maybe I should put some clothes on. Then I can paint until he gets back. I want to spend more time with him.

------

"Emi?"
"Rin?! I didn't expect you to call me! How are you?"
"Okay. I need to talk about Hisao."
"Did something happen?!"
"No. Yes. I don't know. I can't stop thinking about him."
"What do you mean?"
"When he isn't here and when he is. I keep thinking about him. It started recently. I don't know why it started. My chest is tight, too, and it gets really hot when he's close to me. But I keep thinking I want to be close to him even though it gets hot."
"Rin... You're in love."
I love Hisao? It doesn't sound right. It's not something I would say.
"Are you sure?"
"Hahaha, that's not something you can ask someone else. Normally I'd say you know when you're in love, but with you being you I don't think I can."
I love Hisao? It still doesn't sound right. I don't think about this kind of stuff a lot. I just like to paint. I like Hisao. I like him a lot. Do I love Hisao?
"Ah, sorry Rin! I have to go or I'll be late! Take care, okay? Just think on it!"
Click.
I love Hisao?

-----

"I'm home, Rin."
"Welcome back."
I put down my brush. I think that's good for today. I used to keep painting when Hisao came home. What's different? Am I really in love?
"Phew, it was a long day at work. I'm glad to be home so I can relax."
He sat down on the couch. He really looks tired.
I sit get off my chair and sit next to him on the couch.

"TV?"
He usually watches it as soon as he comes home. Maybe the normal shows are better than the movies. I don't really care about the movies he kept having me watch. I was okay watching them though. I like being close to Hisao. Is this what love is? I think I need to talk to Emi more. I still don't like Emi and Hisao running together. I don't understand why I feel like that. But Emi's the only person I have to talk to about this.

"Rin?"
I look up at him. Has he been talking to me? I was busy thinking.
"You said 'TV', is there something you want to watch?"
"No."
He has a weird smile. Did I say something weird? I feel like I did yesterday. I just want to be closer to him.
I gently press my shoulder against his.
He's really warm. I just want to stay with him. But I cant stop thinking about what Emi said. My face feels hot now too. Hisao said he loved me yesterday. That made my chest really warm.


-----

"How was your day Rin?"
"Normal, I painted."
"What did you paint?"
"It's not finished."
"I won't comment on it then."
"Thanks. I don't like bad luck."

The TV show we were watching just ended. There was a commercial about shampoo playing. Does Hisao like my shampoo? I wonder why I want to know. I don't think I've ever thought about shampoo this much.

"Hisao, does my hair smell nice?"
He stared for a few seconds. Is there something on my face?
"It smells like paint thinner... It's not like I dislike it, it usually smells like that though."
My face feels hot. I wonder why. I think I need new shampoo. Hisao smells nice. Why do I keep thinking about these things? Is it because of what Emi said? I wonder if I really am in love with Hisao. We've been together for a long time now. He's told me he loves me too. Thinking about this makes my chest tight. At least Hisao's warm. This is making me tired.

"I'm going to bed Hisao."
"This early?"
"Tired."
"Alright, I'll be going soon, too. I'll try not to wake you up."

-----

The bed rocked. I guess Hisao came to sleep. I haven't been able to sleep. I just keep thinking about what Emi said. What does it mean to love someone? I like Hisao. He's always nice to me. He gives me ideas to paint. He's always there for me. I don't like thinking about these things. But I can't stop thinking about them. I just want to be close to Hisao. I know that much.

I press my chest against his back and press my cheek against his shoulder.
"I can't sleep."
He jumped a little at first. I don't think he knew I was still awake.
"Something wrong?"
"Yes."
"What is it?"
"I don't know."
I trace by big toe across the back of his foot slowly.
I don't know why I want to be so close lately. It must be because of what Emi's been saying. Have I always wanted to do this and never thought about it? Until recently I just thought about my paintings, unless I was doing something with Hisao.
"You've been acting strange the past few days, did something happen?"
"Lot's of things happened."
"Right..."
I slide my toe across the side of his foot. His feet really are rough. They're dry too.
"Is work hard?"
"Work?"
"Your job."
"It's not too bad. Why?"
"Your feet."
"My feet?"
"They're rough and dry."
"I'm sorry. I should probably use lotion on them."
"It's fine. I like it."
I run my toe behind each of his slowly.
"Does it bother you that I don't say I love you?"
My eyes are dry. Why? My chest hurts too. And it feels like there are butterflies in my stomach and jellyfish in my head. I don't like this. Why did I ask that?
"Rin, do you remember what I said 3 days ago?"
He said a lot that day. He took a walk with me to that place and said he loved me and made me cry. Why is he bringing that up again?
He starts to turn toward me.
"Don't."
I push my shoulder against him to stop him.
He stops and pauses.

"Rin, no matter what happens I will always love you. I know you think different than other people. You don't have to tell me you love me. If you ever feel like you want to, I'll be here, but you don't have to. I know being with you means some things will be weird. Some things might also not happen. But I love you for who you are. If I have a problem with something you do, I'll tell you. So don't worry about those things. Okay?"

I can feel tears. Why am I crying? My chest is tight. My face is hot. There are more jellyfish and butterflies. I don't like any of this. I don't understand. Shouldn't that have made it stop?

"Rin? Did that... help at all?"
I shake my head with my cheek still against his back.
I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to stay close to Hisao. He's so nice, I don't have to say 'I love you'. But why can't I stop thinking about it? Why do I keep thinking about Emi saying I love him. I don't like those words. My throat's dry.

"Stop."
My voice barely came out.
Where did my voice go? I don't care. I just don't want him to say anything. I just want to stay close like this. Why is this such a problem? I want to stop crying but I can't.
"Tonight, just stay."
He waited a long time.
"Okay. Just... tell me if you want anything."

I can't say anything. I don't think I will for a while. Everything hurts. I don't like feeling this way. I'm tired. I just want to stay with Hisao.
I press myself closer to him.
I don't know why, but this makes me feel a little better. It always feels better when I'm closer to him.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 23rd

He's still sleeping. I'm not feeling any better. I think it's been a few hours. I need to paint. That usually helps.
I slowly get out of bed and look around for something to wear. I pull a pair of panties out of the dresser and slowly put them on. It's hard to do it without making noise or moving around on the bed. Then I find the t-shirt I wore before bed and put it back on. It's even harder than the panties.
I think that's enough to not freeze.

-----

This one isn't it. I don't feel better. I have to try again. I don't think I can fix this one to be it.
I lay the canvas I was painting on the floor and put a new one on.
I just have to keep trying.

-----

Hisao left for work a couple hours ago. He asked me if I would be okay. I couldn't answer. He said he would be home as soon as he could be. I think he's worried. I can't think about that. I need to paint. I can't get the fish out of my head and the butterflies keep moving around. My face feels hot. I want all of that to stop. Maybe the next one will be it. I don't like this one either.

-----

"Rin?"
"Not now."
My chest hurts now. Why? I've said that to him plenty before. Why did Emi have to ask me that? No, it's not her fault. It's me that changed. I've painted a lot of things but none of them are right. I don't understand this feeling. Is that why I can't paint it? Of course it is.
He was still standing next to me.
"It's not working, Hisao."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't paint it."
"What can't you paint?"
"I can't paint the fish that keep swimming in my head, and the butterflies in my stomach, or about the tightness in my chest, or"
"Rin, stop. It's okay."
"I don't want to feel like this."
"You're still worried about saying 'I love you?'"
"I know I don't have to, but I can't stop thinking about it."
"Why is it bothering you so much? It's not that important."
I responded immediately.
"Because I want to say it!"
Why did I say that? Why am I crying? My stomach hurts. I think I want to throw up. My head can't hold anymore fish. Everything is all fuzzy. My heart is really loud. Is that really how I feel?
Why do I feel so warm now? He's hugging me.
I press my head into his shoulder. The tears run down my cheek onto his shirt, but he just pulls me closer.
"Hisao."
He isn't saying anything. Why is he so nice? I love him. I love Hisao. My chest lightens up and the fish go away. My face feels hotter though. I can't stop crying. I want to tell him. I can't look at him though.
I press my cheek against his chest tighter and quietly say it.
"I love you, Hisao."
"I love you too, Rin."
I can't stop crying. My chest isn't tight and the butterflies are gone. Most of the fish left too but my head is all hot now. I love Hisao. I didn't think I would say those words. I feel tingly like I fell asleep. But not the kind of sleep like when it's night time, but the kind that your arm does. I want to be close to Hisao.
"Hisao, bedroom."
"Rin?"
"Just go."
I push into him to get him to go.

-----

"Clothes, Hisao."
He quickly takes his belt off and throws it to the ground where he kicked his shoes. Then he takes his shirt and pants off and throws them down too before he finishes by taking his boxers off.
I take my panties off slowly since it's difficult, and shake my shirt off my back before I lay down on the bed.
"My thighs are tired from painting."
He stares at me for a second. It makes my face even hotter.

"Don't stare."
"S-sorry... I'll take the... lead then."
We don't do this very much. I think he is still nervous every time. Right now I want him to be close to me. I don't know why. My body feels really hot and it's like what it's probably like to stand on top of a volcano if you opened it up.
He slowly climbed on the bed, making me roll back and forth a little. Nervously, he leans closer and kisses the side of my neck.
It's really wet, but it cools down the spot he's kissing. It makes the tingling even stronger. I don't understand what that feeling is, but I want him to keep going. I want to tease him for how nervous he is. I haven't done that in a long time.
His hand starts to massage my thigh gently.
It was so tight from painting. He always finds a way to make me feel better.

"Roll over."
It comes out very quiet. It's hard to talk and think, or maybe think and talk, or either one.
I feel him nod and turn over slowly without stopping any of the things he's already doing.
I like this position more. I wonder what kind of stuff he likes. Maybe I should ask him sometime.
I push my chest into his and lick his earlobe lightly. I think guys like this. It made me feel good when he did it to me last time. I feel like I'm going to burn up. And all the tingling keeps getting lower in my body.
Hisao lets out a gasp of air, and digs his fingers into my thighs.
It hurts just a little bit. I don't mind. I think he likes what I did. I should probably do the thing I know he likes. But I have to do something first.
"Hisao, can you get that thing out now?"
His eyes open up and he looks strange for a moment. Then his eyes open wide and he stretches his arm to the night stand.
"Just a second, can you scoot up a bit."
I move my hips with him and slide up a bit on the bed with him.
"Got it."
He pulls out a wrapper and quickly tears it open with his hands. He takes the piece, and starts fumbling behind me for a while.

"Do you need help?"
I want him to hurry up. It's really hot. I know what I need to do for it to not be hot anymore. I don't like when it stays hot.
"No... I'm ready."
I hook my chin on his shoulder and move my hips back.
"Hisao this is your part."
"O-okay."
He slowly runs a hand up my thigh and stops before my butt. His hands are shaking slightly. He continues his hand and grips firmly.
I like the cold sensation that follows his hand. My body's still burning. I want him to do it soon.
I feel him press against my vagina. It's hard for me to put it in without help. The tingling is really high now. I don't think I can get any hotter without melting.
I push my hips down onto him, and push my chin into his shoulder harder. His hand tightens on my butt. It slides in slowly and Hisao's grip loosens.
I can almost feel it in my chest. I'm starting to breathe heavy. I don't want to stop yet.
I push my chest hard into Hisao's and start to move my hips up and down. Hisao moves his other hand to the other side of my butt, and moves in rhythm with me.
Every time I move down I can feel it push up into my chest. The tingling keeps getting stronger, and my body feels like it's starting to melt.

"Rin... I can't hold on much longer."
"Okay."
I can feel him throbing inside of me. I can feel the tingling move closer to wear he is. I can feel it coming.
I move my hips further down on him each time I go up.
"Rin...."
His voice is louder. I can feel his hands tighten on my butt too. I think he's about to reach his limit. I'm almost there too. I want to be as close to Hisao as I can.
"Rin, I!"
I feel him thrust up and pull me down onto him. He bulges like a heart beating. I can feel the tingling leave as I reach my limit.
Hisao's hands let go as he relaxes on the bed. I stop pressing myself against him and relax for a moment.
I feel tired now. I just want to stay close to Hisao.
I pull back, raising my hips before I lay on my side on top of Hisao's arm.
"Rin... That felt amazing."
I lean onto Hisao and close my eyes. I'm tired. Hisao really is comfortable.
"I love you, Rin."
I feel his arm wrap around my side and gently pull me close to him.
I press my chest against him lightly and let my body relax.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 24th

Hisao's still here. I woke up, but I don't want to move. My face feels hot. It's warm. I wonder when he pulled the covers over us.
I look up slowly to see if Hisao's still asleep.
"Morning, Rin"
My face feels hot. I think it's because of last night.
"Still tired."
I press my body against his.
He feels really warm. I think I want to sleep on him some more. It's comfortable.

-----

I open my eyes slowly and look around the room.
Hisao isn't here. He doesn't work today.
I slowly get out of bed.
I feel sore from last night. It felt good then but now it hurts a little.
I take some panties out of the bottom drawer of the dresser and pull them up with my feet and the edge of the bed. The shirts a bit harder but with some rolling I manage to put it on.
Buttons are too hard, I can just leave it like this.

-----

"Oh, you're up already."
I nod.
My face feels hot again. I think it's Hisao's fault. I don't know why though.
"I was trying to finish before you got up... I'll be done really soon if you wanna wait in the living room."
"Okay."

-----

My heart keeps beating fast. I can't stop thinking about last night. I want to be next to Hisao more. I don't know what to think about all this. Is this all because I love Hisao? I think I should talk with Emi about it more.

-----

"Rin, breakfast's ready."
Hisao comes around the corner with two plates.
"I made tamagoyaki."
I like when he makes food like this. It's easy to eat.
He carefully puts them on the table and sits next to me.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
What's he talking about? I'm hungry though.
I pick up my fork between my index and big toe so I can start eating.

It tastes better than normal.
"Did you do something different?"
"Oh... yeah I figured I'd try a few new things. Is it bad?"
"No."
I wonder if I should say more. He's always nice to me.
"It tastes better."
He looks surprised that I said it. Why?
"Thanks. I'll make sure I make it like this from now on."
"Okay."
He seems weird. Is it because of last night?
My cheeks feel hot now. That's weird. I want to be close to him again. Thinking about last night makes me feel this way. I don't know how to get used to this.

"Are you doing anything today?"
"I don't know. Something. I don't know what. What are you doing?"
"I don't have anything planned, so I was going to stay with you and watch tv or something. It's a day off from running too."
I want to be closer to Hisao. I need to paint too.
I scoot closer to him on the couch and say, "do you want to try art again?"

-----

"Art?"
He gave me a confused look. Was it that strange of a question? I know I sometimes talk strange things, but I thought this wasn't a strange thing.
"I didn't like it too much last time, but I wouldn't mind trying it again."
I feel warm inside. Is it because of what just happened? I don't think it's hot in here.
"What were you thinking of having me try?"
"I can help most with painting."
"Let's try that, then."

-----

Hisao had gotten the extra easel out of the closet and set everything up.
I wonder what we should try to paint. I always just paint what I'm thinking about. I'll have him do that.

"I got it all set up. What am I painting though?"
"What you're thinking about."
He gave a different smile than usual. I wonder why it's different. Does he not like that idea? Maybe I should say something to him.
"Don't worry about messing up. The people in art club always started bad."
His smile didn't change and he gave a weird laugh. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. I'll try again after we paint.

-----

"Rin, can you tell me what you think about this part? I don't know if I'm doing this right..."
"Bad luck."
I've told him before it's bad luck. I wonder if he believes me. I want to see what he painted, but I should finish mine for now.

------

It looks like what the kids in art class would paint. It isn't very good, but it looks like he tried. He painted a clearing in a forest. None of the things in it have any details it's just colors blurred together. I can tell what they are though. He picked good colors for the things he painted. Most of the kids in the art class couldn't do that. I get a feeling I've seen it before, but it's too blurry to remember.
"Well, is it okay?"
He didn't like what I said last time. I want him to keep painting. I'm supposed to say something positive I think.
"Good job."
I think Nomiya used to say things like that to the other students. They seemed to be happy with that.
"Thanks. What can I do to make it better though?"
"Paint more."
I could tell him specific things but he should just paint more. That's what Nomiya always told the other students. I think it's the best way to get better too.
He doesn't look satisfied with the answer.
"Okay. I'll try harder next time."
I feel warm inside. I like this feeling, it makes me smile.
"Thanks for getting me to try this, it was fun."

-----

Hisao went out to get lunch. I should probably go ahead and call Emi.
I put the phone on the table and hold it still with one foot so I can dial with the other.
It used to be hard to do, but it's pretty easy now.

"Hello?"
"Emi?"
"Rin! How are you!?"
"A lot of different things. I said 'I love you' to Hisao, and ever since I've been having a lot of strange feelings. My chest gets tight and sometimes I feel warm inside, and I can't stop thinking about what we did the other night, and when he isn't here I think about him a lot more than I used to."
There's a pause.
"Rin, I told you last time! You're in love! It's natural to be that way about someone you feel so strong towards."
I've never felt like this before. Maybe that's why it's hard to accept what Emi's telling me.
"Ok, thanks."
Click.

Well now I know I'm okay. It would have been bad if something was wrong with me near Christmas. That would probably make Hisao sad. I think his Christmas present will make him happy. I'm glad I got it so long ago, I probably wouldn't have thought about it lately. It's been hard to think about anything but my feelings about Hisao lately. I wonder what he got me.
TezukaChan
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

December 25th

"Rin."
"Rin!"
I mumble.
"Rin, it's Christmas!"
"Okay."
I crawl lower in the covers.
I'm still tired. Can't we wait a bit?
"Rin, get up!"
Fine. If it's this important Hisao.
I slowly sit up in the bed and the cover falls onto my lap.
"I'm gonna go ahead and wait outside okay?"
"Okay."

-----

"Do you want to go first, Rin, or should I?"
"You can go."
He seems really excited for it. It makes me feel warm inside.
Hisao bends down and quickly picks up one of the two presents under the tree.
I had wrapped mine in a green Christmas paper with snowflakes on it. It took a long time and some of the parts were really hard, but I think Hisao likes it. Hisao had used a red paper with snowmen on it, I think it's cute.
He tore the paper off like little kids do when they first get presents. Inside was a box of running shoes. They were white and black with a lot of grey mesh on them.
"Emi said these would be really good shoes to run in. I don't know much about running, but I know you like to run a lot and I know Emi runs a lot, so I thought she would know even though she doesn't have any shoes. She laughed a lot when I asked her about it, but I thought it was normal to ask people that run about shoes for running."
Hisao laughed hard enough that he started to have tears in the corner of his eyes.
"Thank you, Rin. I really did need a new pair of shoes to run in. It's a really thoughtful gift."
His smile was really big. It made me feel warm inside and smile a little.
"Okay, your turn."
I slid the present he had wrapped for me to the front of the couch where I was sitting. Unwrapping them is a lot easier than wrapping, so I tore the paper off with my toes. I used to get tape on some of my toes sometimes, but I know how to not have that happen anymore. It was a really small box, not much bigger than a hand.
"I'm not sure if you like this kind of thing, but when I saw it I couldn't help but think of you."
Under the wrapping was a black box. It looked fragile so I opened the top carefully. Inside was a silver chain necklace with a brush attached to it. But it was a really small version of the brushes I use for painting. And the end of it looked like it had a bunch of paint on it of different colors.
I feel hot inside, like I'm burning up. My face especially. I can't stop smiling and my eyes feel dry.
"Thank you."
My voice is quiet. I wonder why it's so hard to talk.
"Do you want help putting it on?"
I don't need help but it's difficult to put things like jewelry on. I can't do the clasps very well and if I don't it gets all in my hair.
"Yes."
He gets on one knee and picks it up out the box. I see him smile before I tilt my head down so he can put it on me.

"There. Do you like it?"
I nod. I don't want to talk right now, my voice is too quiet. I love Hisao, he's always so nice. I'm still not used to saying it this way, I'm used to saying I like Hisao, but I do love him.
"Yes."
I look up to see him smiling close to me, still on his knee. I lean forward closer to him and close my eyes as I kiss him lightly. His lips are drier than mine, I guess that's normal for boys. He acted surprised for a second before he leaned back towards me.
I draw back after a second.
"Rin?"
"hm?"
Was it strange? I thought that was the kind of thing he liked.
"Nothing, I'm glad you liked it."
"Thank you, Hisao."

-----------------------------

Please let me know what you think. Contact me @ Steam: TezukaRin
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by Mirage_GSM »

My pet-peeve: You jump between past tense and present tense a lot.
Also, I'm not sure why you'd post the sequel first. I think one or two scenes referenced stuff that wasn't in this story.

Otherwise a nice story.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
TezukaChan
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Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

I'm redoing the original. Thank you for the comment about tenses, I've been trying to work on it. It's hard to word somethings sometimes. Was there any thing in particular you liked or didn't like?
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Mirage_GSM
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Location: Germany

Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Not really, either way...
It's basically a slice of life story with nothing much remarkable happening. If that's what it set out to be, it succeeds.
From a technical standpoint, except for the tenses there's nothing much to complain about either.
Your depiction of the characters is okay as well. Personally, I see Rin as not quite as far removed from reality, but your interpretation is certainly within the usual bounds here in the forum.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Oddball
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Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by Oddball »

Your formatting is just ... weird.

I don't know if that's was something you were trying for to make it seem more Rin-like, but then you continued it when it switched over to Hisao's narration. It just feels awkward and somewhat disorienting. You can have characters speaking and descriptions in the same line. It also makes it really easy to loose track of who's speaking when you never have anything like Hisao said or said Rin or anything.

Also your Rin seems like she's completely disconnected with reality and your Hisao comes across as talking down to her quite often.
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TezukaChan
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Re: Rin Christmas Time

Post by TezukaChan »

Oddball wrote:Your formatting is just ... weird.

I don't know if that's was something you were trying for to make it seem more Rin-like, but then you continued it when it switched over to Hisao's narration. It just feels awkward and somewhat disorienting. You can have characters speaking and descriptions in the same line. It also makes it really easy to loose track of who's speaking when you never have anything like Hisao said or said Rin or anything.

Also your Rin seems like she's completely disconnected with reality and your Hisao comes across as talking down to her quite often.
Thats interesting. I never heard she came off as disconnected before, thank you. Hmm Maybe I should rewrite some of Hisao's lines then. I didn't want him to come off that way. I find him hard to write. I just don't really understand formatting too well, so it's something I worked on as I wrote. It wasn't something to make it more Rin-like, I don't really understand that. Was there anything in particular you liked or disliked outside of grammar and formatting?
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