COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Sep 29th, 2019)

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OMGnara
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by OMGnara » Wed Jan 08, 2014 7:16 am

Good chapter! Felt a little short, but that's probably just because I wanted to read more. Didn't notice any mistakes, but I wasn't really looking for any either.

Anyway, thanks for the quick update. More Miki is never a bad thing.
Lily>Hanako>Emi>Shizune>Rin

I also really like Miki and Suzu.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by Blasphemy » Wed Jan 08, 2014 9:26 am

Yeh pretty solid chapter. Miki's lacking grades and overall struggle to keep up with most of the subjects will probably be a major conflict as we go along.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by Vulpes » Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:31 pm

How dare you make me create an account and post a comment saying such things as "I approve," "except for the part where there isn't more to read," and "so keep writing!"

Your characters are canonical without being clones of the original, a beautiful and difficult balance to strike.

Keep fighting the good fight, Soldier.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by Munchenhausen » Fri Jan 10, 2014 7:05 am

Vulpes wrote:How dare you make me create an account and post a comment saying such things as "I approve," "except for the part where there isn't more to read," and "so keep writing!"

Your characters are canonical without being clones of the original, a beautiful and difficult balance to strike.

Keep fighting the good fight, Soldier.
You know you're writing a good fic when people create an account just to follow it
Like stupid, silly doodles with no point? You've come to the right place, friend :^)
I also occasionally write oneshots. Why not have a skimread?
Miki fic? Miki fic!
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by Machoman » Tue Jan 14, 2014 4:17 pm

Maybe Miki POV will break the curse

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by timetravelzero » Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:54 am

An excellent start! I haven't read the Meadows one yet, but I'll look into it. So far, I'm loving the portrayal of Miki as brash and funny as I imagined her in my own head.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Sat Jan 18, 2014 1:52 am

Great start so far! I like the way you write mikis character
Wahahaha~.
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Craftyatom
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by Craftyatom » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:57 am

Munchenhausen wrote:You know you're writing a good fic when people create an account just to follow it
That's Vulpes, he's needed an account on here for a while now anyways. Heck, in a few days it will have been a whole year since we played KS for the first time.

So last time I said that I'd have the next update out in 1.5 weeks... Well you can see how that turned out. I probably should've expected a delay, though, because last week included midterms at school, which threw a wrench into some of my work. Still, just to make sure I'm not rushing content or making false promises, I'll say that the next scene should be out two weeks from the release of this one (Feb. 6th).

This scene is a bit longer than last time, and is reaching the length that I want scenes to be, though it ends up depending on how much dialogue the scene needs (dialogue feels small because it's not very dense, but it actually contributes almost 2/3rds of the wordcount).

In other news, I was shocked mid-last week when Numb said that he was halting development on his route to work on a larger project, and given that he gave me mention, I guess it's only fair that I mention him back. So, if you haven't yet checked out "Blossom", a Miki route by Numb, I suggest you go and see what he has there, even though he won't be continuing the story for a while, because what is there already is fantastic.

Anyways, now that we're done with the details, enjoy your bi-weekly dose of Miki!
Last edited by Craftyatom on Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Brief Exchanges, Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
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Tossing and Turning (1/2)

Post by Craftyatom » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:58 am

>Tossing and Turning<
I quietly exit the girls’ dorms, checking left and right to make sure that there’s nobody around to see me. Not that it would matter much; with these clothes on, even I would have trouble recognizing myself. I stretch my right and then left leg for just a few seconds as my left hand continues to stab at me. Finally sure that I’m limber enough, I pick a direction along the path before me and start jogging.

I can remember the first time this happened. I remember storming down from my room, clutching the stump on my left arm with the hand on my right. I punched the wall a few times in frustration, and after walking for a bit, I think I punched that lamppost. Finally, fed up with this school, with my life, and especially with my hand, I started running. I ran as fast as I could, making the wind blow my hair back, pretending that maybe, just maybe, I could outrun my phantom pains.

Of course, I couldn’t, but I was more than willing to try. I turn into the courtyard, just like that first time, my feet pounding on the concrete below me. I didn’t know it back then, but this is the area that the night watch patrols most heavily, probably because it’s almost like the center of the school. I can remember only getting halfway across it before a bright light fell over me, the pounding of my feet being matched by a loud-

“Hey! Stop right there!” Like clockwork.

I stop, and turn towards where the yellow flashlight beam is coming from. I’m careful to keep my head pointed down, so as to keep my face hidden behind the hood of my sweater. That was my mistake the first few times: I didn’t cover my face or my hair, and I’m lucky, really, that nobody recognized me. Eventually, though, I went out in secret to buy a pair of black sweatpants and a single black sweater. It’s not completely black, there’s a curly white design that runs down the right arm, but it’s as close as I could get. Now there’s not a chance that anyone could tell who I am, and I’m left to listen to the footsteps approaching me, the beam of light becoming more and more focused. Fool.

As this particular night watchman gets about 3 meters away, I spin around and begin running for the nearest building, which happens to be the boys’ dorm. Just like that first night, he yells, and begins to run after me. I keep my pace steady until I can make out his footsteps behind me, at which point an odd yet familiar sensation washes through me. I’ve never felt it aside from these nighttime outings, sadly, but in the heat of the moment, I gain a fantastic sense of power. It feels like my body has changed, like it’s no longer a broken old human, but a machine, full of gears sliding neatly into one another.

I can tell that I’m getting faster by how loud the wind rushing past me becomes. I round the corner of the boys’ dorms, confident that the watchman is quite a bit behind me, and sprint, faster than I’ve ever sprinted, down its length, skidding around the next corner. I stop for just a moment, breathing as quietly as possible, and after a second the ground around the corner lights up. The watchman, having finally made it around the corner that I passed a few seconds ago, tries in vain to spot me. Finally, presumably unable to see anything, he leaves, and the light moves away, still unaware that I was just around the corner from its bright yellow beam.

… Phew.

As I calm down, peeking back around the corner to make sure that he’s gone, I come to the comforting realization that my hand doesn’t hurt anymore. Mission accomplished, I guess. I begin to jog back to my room, where I can hopefully get back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up to someone knocking on my door. Who in the hell is knocking at… Oh. I guess it’s not that early, I would be getting up soon anyways.

As I roll out of bed, though, I realize that though it may not be that early according to the clock, my body has a whole different notion of time. My legs are wobbly, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

I open the door to find- “Oh. Morning, Suzu.”

She looks astonished, and I’m about to ask what’s wrong when she speaks up. “Woah… Is it opposite day or something?” I stand there for a few seconds, not quite sure what she means, before realizing that I must look really tired. Suzu, on the other hand, looks pretty awake, especially given that she’s hardly a morning person.

“Ugh… Yeah, don’t rub it in. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” I’m not really worried about Suzu asking why, I’ve been out running at night enough times to have a large bank of excuses. I guess I won’t need them today, though, because Suzu just nods.

“Well, I’ll just wait for you to get ready, I guess… I didn’t expect to be up this early.”

“Actually, I’m really damn tired, so you go ahead to class, and I’ll catch you up later, okay?”

She’s taken aback, but finally agrees and heads off on her own. It probably helps that she seems so lively this morning; no doubt there are some days when she’d be angrily dragging me behind her, no matter how tired I looked. As I close my door and head back into my room, I consider my options. I could get ready for school, albeit slowly. I’d probably end up wandering into class half an hour late, though, and then I’d have to explain to Mutou why I wasn't on time, and I’d probably still be really tired…

I barely have time to register my head hitting the pillows as I fall into bed.

When I do finally wake up again, it’s to the sound of the school bell ringing. I check the clock, my eyes feeling much better than they were this morning, and see that this must be the lunch bell. Wonderful, I guess I got up just in time. I toss on some casual clothes, deciding not to bother with the uniform, and head over to the cafeteria.

When I get there, I grab what food I can before sitting down next to Suzu, who is already in a conversation with Hisao. “Yeah, Shakespeare’s my favorite. Ever read any?”

I laugh. “Come on, Suzu, not everyone’s as interested in boring books as you.” She gives me a glare, but Hisao speaks before she can begin arguing with me.

“I, uh… I’ve read a bit of Shakespeare. Not a lot, but two or three of his plays.”

Suzu smirks and crosses her arms at me. “Suck it, miss ‘nobody cares about literature’.”

“Well sorry, I had no idea that Hisao was a bookworm.”

Hisao gets nervous, going silent and staring down at his food, and Suzu picks up on it. “Hey! Now you’re making him feel bad about it!” She turns to Hisao. “Don’t worry, Hisao, being a bookworm is nothing to be ashamed of.”

Well now she’s just putting words into my mouth. “I never said that it was!”

“You implied it!”

“How… You know what, never mind. You two are impossible.” I go back to eating, and after a little bit Suzu and a slightly shaken Hisao go back to talking.

Eventually the end of lunch bell rings, and we all stand up and get ready to head back to class. Suzu looks up at me. “So, coming to class?”

I laugh. “Nah, it’s probably best if I stay in for the rest of the day. Try not to have too much fun without me!” Suzu rolls her eyes, and I turn to Hisao. “So, you still up for cooldown laps later?”

He nods. “The track, at 5, right?”

“Yep!”

"I'll be there!" He nods in emphasis, then starts to say something else. He stops, though, and ends up saying nothing at all. Before I can ask why, Suzu pokes him and gestures to the door. “Come on, Hisao, some of us actually have to go to class.” I jokingly stick out my tongue at her, and she walks away in a huff, Hisao shrugging and falling in behind her.
Last edited by Craftyatom on Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tossing and Turning (2/2)

Post by Craftyatom » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:59 am

I head back to my room and try to take a nap, but only end up laying in my bed for an hour or so. It's nice to have time to myself, but after a while I feel like I'm being unproductive. I consider doing some homework, but a quick glance at the first piece of paper in my pile of unfinished work reveals that I have no idea how to do it. Oh well.

Even though I'm not going to start running until later, I may as well head down to the track now, since I apparently have nothing to do. I change into some random running clothes and head out into the afternoon sun. It's strange, I've spent so much time fantasizing about being out of class at this time of day, but I've never really thought about what I'd do. I guess I could go into town somewhere, but having already eaten lunch, and with nobody accompanying me, there aren't really that many places to go.

So I find myself at the track, sitting on the bleachers and staring at the trees surrounding the track. Normally a few kids would be playing soccer on the field in the middle of the track, but they're probably still in class at the moment. Class… I hope I haven’t fallen too far behind, though if I have, it’s certainly not just because I missed today. I really shouldn’t be worried, though; I’ll just go through Suzu’s notes some time tomorrow.

After a fairly long time spent staring at the few lonely clouds in the sky, the bell for the end of school rings, and a short while later the first few students begin to spread out onto the campus. Eventually the group that usually plays soccer trickles onto the field. I guess that this is about when I would normally have finished changing and walking out here, so I get off the bleachers and begin stretching.

After pulling each arm and leg every which way, I jump up and down to make sure that I’m fully stretched, then head out onto the track. I’m a little worried that my legs will be worn out from my unscheduled run last night, but they hold up pretty well, which is a good sign, I guess. As I round the final corner and cross through the line where I started, I make a mental note that I’ve completed the first lap. It’s not super important that I count how many laps that I do, but it helps me feel like I’m making progress.

It can’t keep me totally occupied, though, and soon my mind starts wandering. It was strange earlier, realizing that I had nothing to do. I guess it was just because everyone else was in class; usually I’d hang out with Suzu or someone, maybe talk to anyone from the running team who wasn’t already out on the track, but without any of my friends around, I was kind of lost for what to do.

Speaking of friends, I wonder how cooldown laps with Hisao are going to go. I know that he said the nurse recommended walking as exercise, but how much? Could I push him too far?

Nah, he’d probably tell me. Besides, he walked around with me a fair bit at the festival, and he seemed okay there, so I doubt he’ll have any issues.

Speak of the devil, as I round the next corner I see Hisao making his way down onto the bleachers by the track, so I start jogging over to him, and call “Hisao!”

I guess he hadn’t noticed me yet, because he seems startled at someone calling his name, but as soon as he recognizes me approaching him, he waves.

As I get to where he’s sat, I raise one eyebrow. “You’re a bit early, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s just that once I finished my homework I realized that I had nothing to do, so I came down here.”

“Oh. Well I’ve still got some running to do, but once I finish I’ll come over and get you, okay?”

“Sounds good.” The promise of returning later complete, I head off to run again. As I pass through the line on the track I started from, I add to my mental lap counter. That’s, uh… That’s…

Damnit.

Oh well, I’ll just have to go without a count on this one. It would be easy to blame it on stopping to talk to Hisao, but thinking back, I actually can’t remember the last time I took count of finishing a lap, besides my first one. I guess I just had too much stuff on my mind to keep track. Speaking of which, as I round another curve, Hisao comes into view again, though this time he’s focused on the soccer game being played on the field. His stare is kind of blank, but wistful, almost like he wants to join in. It takes me a second to realize, though, that he probably can’t.

Wow, that’s… That’s kind of sad. I feel sorry for him now. Another lap passes, and his attention to the students out on the field hasn’t faltered. I decide that, rather than make him sit there and wait, I’ll just finish up running now. I was getting kind of tired anyways.

He notices me walking over to him, and raises an eyebrow. “Finished already?”

“Yeah, I’m just feeling a bit tired today, so I’m stopping early. Are you ready?”

“I guess so.” He tugs on his purple shirt, showing that he’s dressed for exercise, and then hops off of the bleachers, landing next to me. “Lead the way.”

I walk out onto the track, up to the all-too-familiar starting line, and once I check that Hisao is standing next to me, begin walking out onto the track. The first few steps are fine, but after a few meters, I have to concentrate in order to keep myself from running. It’s just so instinctual to be going my fastest here… Luckily, Hisao seems content with our pace, so I try to focus on him.

It’s only once we reach the first bend that I realize that both of us have been completely silent this whole time. Hisao’s busy staring at the sky, and I’m busy trying to keep myself from sprinting away from him.

Still no words have passed between us by the time we complete our first painfully slow circuit. “One,” I say out loud, determined not to lose count this time.

Hisao looks over at me, as though he’s surprised that I’m still here. “One what?”

“One lap.”

“Oh.” He thinks a bit. “How many do we have to do?”

“I don’t know. I’d say 10 is our stretch goal, but whatever we can do should be good enough.”

“Okay.”

We go back to silently walking, and halfway through the second lap, I’m growing surer and surer that this was a bad idea. Hisao’s not a talkative guy, why would I rely on him for conversation?

I sigh, and Hisao hears it. I’m on the verge of telling him that he might as well go when he gasps in realization.

“What’s up?”

“I just remembered that I had something to ask you earlier, at lunch.”

Right, when he was about to say something but didn’t. “What is it?”

“I was going to ask why you couldn’t come to class for the second half of the day.”

Oh. “Well, basically, if I showed up then Mutou would ask me where I was for the first half of the day. If I told him anything too mild, he wouldn’t accept it as an excuse, and if I told him anything too drastic, he’d wonder why it didn’t keep me from coming in for the second half of the day.”

“I guess that makes sense.” He pauses a bit. “So why were you out, anyways?”

“I just couldn’t get to sleep last night, and woke up this morning feeling horrible. I was so tired that I basically slept in all morning, and woke up when the bell rang for lunch.”

“Oh… So, like, insomnia?” Not at all, but I guess this is the best excuse I have.

“Yeah, pretty much. Just tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep.” I mean, technically…

“Okay.”

He goes quiet again, but something from earlier is still bugging me. “So why didn’t you ask me at lunch?”

“Huh?”

“You said that you were going to ask me why I couldn’t go in for the rest of the day, but you stopped yourself. Why?”

He makes a nervous grin. “Well, I wanted to know, but then I remembered yesterday, when you were about to ask me about doing this walking.” His expression grows a lot sadder, and he stares at his feet. “I felt so nervous, just to have you mention my condition when people were listening.” He looks back up at me, eyes a bit brighter. “But you noticed, and you stopped, and I was really grateful that you did. I figured that I had no right to bring up what could be a personal issue of yours when you had tried so hard to avoid doing it to me.”

I giggle a bit. “Well, your thoughtfulness is appreciated, but I wouldn’t worry about it from now on. Not all of us can hide our disabilities like you, you know.” I nudge him with my left elbow for emphasis, and he chuckles a little, but is still a bit sad at the mention of his condition. “Speaking of which, were you ever a soccer player?”

He’s taken aback. “Y-Yeah… How did you know?”

“I saw you staring at those kids playing. You seemed pretty down about it.”

“Oh, that. No, I wasn’t really down, just… Nostalgic, I guess. I used to play with my friends back at my old school, but never seriously, just pickup games and the like.”

“And your heart didn’t stop you from playing?”

“Well, actually, at that point, I didn’t even know that I had arrhythmia.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I didn’t find out until this past winter.”

“How could you not know? Didn’t it affect you?”

“Well, yeah, but nothing that abnormal ever happened until my first heart attack.” He sighs. “They said it was a miracle that it hadn’t happened sooner.”

“Oh.” I’m not quite sure how to respond to that, so we’re both silent for the next two laps. His ‘first heart attack’… Did he have more? What were they like? He probably doesn’t want to talk about it, but I can’t contain my curiosity. As I look over at him to ask, though, I notice that he’s breathing pretty heavily. I stop, and he stops next to me, hunching over. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just…” He gasps, “Just a little winded.” After a few more labored breaths he adds, “But we can keep going, if you want.”

“Are you kidding? You look like you’re about to pass out.” He glares dejectedly at the ground. “Besides, I’m probably cooled down enough. After all, we did… Uh…” I realize that my deep thoughts have again caused me to lose count of how many laps I've done. “We did enough laps.”

“Seven,” says Hisao, looking a little better having been stopped for a while. “Seven laps.”

“Oh! Well that’s more than enough. I was willing to stop after 5, to be honest.” We both walk over to the side of the track, by which point Hisao seems to have regained his breath, for the most part. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He raises his eyebrows hopefully. “You’ll be in class again, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m going to get to sleep early tonight, just in case.” There’s really no telling whether or not I’ll be up again tonight, to be honest. Sometimes my phantom pains are a one-day thing, and sometimes they keep me up every night for a week, though I guess that only happened once. Either way, better safe than sorry. As much as staying out of school was nice, I do need to actually keep up with the material, at least enough to pass tests.

Hisao smiles, a nice change given how down he looked when he was talking about his heart. “Great, I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then!”

With that he’s off, and I head back to my room, determined to be rested for tomorrow.

Previous: Body and Spirit ~ Next: Impact
Last edited by Craftyatom on Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Brief Exchanges, Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 23rd)

Post by Sperance » Thu Jan 23, 2014 6:06 am

Another good chapter! Also, is... Is Miki a thrill seeker? She's... She's gonna end up boinking Hisao in a public place, isn't she

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 23rd)

Post by hyroglyphixs » Thu Jan 23, 2014 3:27 pm

You are my only Miki source now! Don't you dare leave me too D:

On a serious note, awesome chapter. I'm liking the way you are setting up the conflict that is going to be Miki's studies. Looking forward to more :)
"No one knows what the future holds. That's why its potential is infinite" - Okabe Rintarou
El. Psy. Congroo~

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 23rd)

Post by timetravelzero » Thu Jan 23, 2014 6:05 pm

Sperance wrote:Another good chapter! Also, is... Is Miki a thrill seeker? She's... She's gonna end up boinking Hisao in a public place, isn't she
Heh. I approve of this idea.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 23rd)

Post by NotSoClassy » Thu Jan 23, 2014 6:22 pm

timetravelzero wrote:
Sperance wrote:Another good chapter! Also, is... Is Miki a thrill seeker? She's... She's gonna end up boinking Hisao in a public place, isn't she
Heh. I approve of this idea.
Hisao's heart probably doesn't.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 23rd)

Post by Steinherz » Thu Jan 23, 2014 8:40 pm

NotSoClassy wrote:
timetravelzero wrote:
Sperance wrote:Another good chapter! Also, is... Is Miki a thrill seeker? She's... She's gonna end up boinking Hisao in a public place, isn't she
Heh. I approve of this idea.
Hisao's heart probably doesn't.
Hisao's penis would probably approve of that however. :lol:
I write take a look, would you kindly?
I also draw, kind of.
KeiichiO wrote:You shall now, and forever be known as, "Steinherz, The Great".
Oddball wrote:It's an obvious mistake. Both are disfigured orphans that read alot and both wear green skirts.

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