COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Sep 29th, 2019)

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Craftyatom
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Craftyatom » Wed Dec 25, 2013 10:39 am

TheGoatman wrote:This is a huge project and it's alot of work, if you're not confident in your abilities, don't do it, abandoned stories are both the most beautiful and the most distasteful things on these forums, routes being the latter.
Duly noted, good sir.
Numb wrote:if you ever need help, just shoot me a PM and I'll try my best to reply in a short time frame. Happy holidays! :D
Thanks very much, I'll keep you in mind if I get into trouble (and let's be honest, chances are that I will). Happy holidays to you too!
Mirage_GSM wrote:it seems you made a time skip to Friday somewhere. That should be more clear.
I see what you mean, I'll look for a fix.
[EDIT: I've added a small chunk of text that should make the time jump clearer.]
Mirage_GSM wrote:Now if you would just tune down Suzu's narcolepsy...
I know exactly what you're talking about. There was a moment when I looked back over the story and just went "... Suzu's asleep (or presumed sleeping) in every goddamn scene." I'll have to look into that, because you're right, it's a suboptimal representation of a fairly important character. Regarding narcolepsy, I'll look for the post you mentioned, it sounds fairly important.
[EDIT: Prof commented, for those wondering, see below.]
Last edited by Craftyatom on Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:56 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Main route: COM(promise)
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NotSoClassy
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by NotSoClassy » Wed Dec 25, 2013 12:49 pm

That's good, I like it. I will be following this fic.
I see a lot of discouraging comments about it, or shall we say, warnings, but I would like to tell you that i like what you did so far.

Also, Suzu was indeed ridiculously sleepy, but her total sleepiness in these scenes was probably Hisao's "matchmaker"

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by ProfAllister » Wed Dec 25, 2013 1:30 pm

Looks like this is another long-form I'll have to find some time to read. As it is, I took a quick peek to see the reception so far. I would've stayed silent, but mirage mentioned my rant without a link, so I figured I should cover that (it's in Blossom, not PseuPseuSu):

http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=9024&p=178787

A couple caveats there. First off, cataplexy is more dramatic, but it's really the EDS that people find causes problems.

My sources for that are wikipedia, narcolepsy advocacy sites, narcolepsy blogs, and, as it turns out, personal experience (I've recently been diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia, a primary hypersomnia similar to narcolepsy; my complaints about the PseuPseuSu predate any serious suspicion that I might have anything like it).

Having difficulty staying awake certainly has practical issues, but it's the social issues that cause the real problems.

With medication, sleep hygiene, and consideration of your limitations, the "falling asleep" part rarely if ever puts you in danger. Needless to say, there are different levels of severity for EDS and sleep attacks, with some more manageable than others.

The social side becomes a problem in part because everyone sleeps and everyone gets sleepy, so everyone assumes they're an expert on sleep. They think they know what it means to say you're constantly sleepy, and always have suggestions on how to sleep better, etc. Even people aware of the condition still have trouble fighting the natural reaction that the constant sleepiness is indicative of laziness and/or irresponsibility. And there's also the assumption that it's either so bad that you aren't allowed to drive, or that it's nothing that can't be ploughed through with willpower, caffeine, and/our some other magic bullet.

Less on the "my life's so hard because no one understands me" side, falling asleep in public is generally frowned upon, especially during classes, lectures, business meetings, etc. Insomnia is also an occasional problem, further separating you from the land of the living (and subject to many of the same misunderstandings, because everyone's had trouble falling asleep before).

And, of course, the intimacy considerations. Generally speaking, significant physical stimulation/activity (or very significant mental stimulation/activity) tends to be sufficient to maintain some level of wakefulness, for a time. The bigger concern there is the quiet cuddling, in which it becomes extremely difficult to stay awake. And, understanding or not, it's quite hard to not take it personally when someone falls asleep rather than paying attention to you.

And I could probably go on for some time like this. Better to stop now rather than completely hijack the thread on a somewhat tangential detail.
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Wed Dec 25, 2013 1:55 pm

I've dealt with with EDS in my life as well, so I can ditto what ProfAllister has said.

But, on topic of the Miki route. I like this one. I also like Numb's Miki route. Hopefully 2014 will be the year of the Miki. :wink:
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Hoitash » Wed Dec 25, 2013 6:32 pm

Well, this is an interesting read so far. More Miki is always a good thing, imo.

Liking the shift in pov as well.
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Guestimate » Wed Dec 25, 2013 7:25 pm

Oh wow. This is... quite good, to say the least. Love how you blend humor in with out it being overbearing. Took me a minute to get the reference with Suzu's wake-up scene in the lunchroom, here's hoping our protagonists here can help her through that, if it is the same issue.

Uhm... not sure where else to go with this, except that the is great so far and I look forward to more!

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Blasphemy » Fri Dec 27, 2013 6:31 am

Overall quite good so far I'd say. Loved how carefree Miki was during those rather uncomfortable situations for Hisao.

Some criticism:
Hisao seems a tad too dense at times; taking some of Miki's funny remarks too seriously, for example. I could maybe contribute this to him being especially fluttered being caught undressed in Nurse's office, especially after having had his flutter that day. Still, seemed just a tad off to me. (Also before anyone asks "Hisao too dense? LOL!" Yes, I never thought he was as dense as some people make him out to be, not if you actually take the good choices and... exception Emi's father stuff in her route)

Suzu's Hollywood-Narcolepsy really needs to be toned down a lot. It's quite honestly kinda cheap to use this all the time to move your plot along.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by OMGnara » Sat Dec 28, 2013 6:20 am

http://i.imgur.com/Xv3BTtx.jpg

From what I can tell it's well written, and thus far has my attention. I'm really looking forward to reading this and I hope that, in the end, it does get completed. I also enjoy the similarities to Scissorlips' Suzu route medically realistic narcolepsy or not.

Keep up the good work!
Lily>Hanako>Emi>Shizune>Rin

I also really like Miki and Suzu.

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Munchenhausen » Sat Dec 28, 2013 8:34 am

Even though there is a more-completed Miki route on the market these days, I have to say I am actually really enjoying this one, and I'm looking forwards to further installments!
Don't let yourself become intimidated, take the criticisms and advice in mind, but keep doing what you're doing!

Looking forward to this, pal :D
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Miki fic? Miki fic!
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Sperance
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Sperance » Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:54 pm

This looks pretty interesting, and you seem to have some experience writing. I'm monitoring this. Hard

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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Mader Levap » Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:21 pm

So far looks good. Miki is so hilariously insensitive here, more than in about any other fanfic. In my opinion, it is sufficiently distinguished from any other fanfic.

Only downside is very Holywood-like description of Suzu's narcolepsy. Sigh. :roll:
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route

Post by Craftyatom » Wed Jan 08, 2014 1:00 am

Hey guys, Crafty here, just a few quick notes before Act 2 begins:
-This scene is in fact much shorter than I plan scenes to be. It ended up this way because the ending I chose seemed like a particularly good break point, and I was a little pressed for time (see below).
-I will be continuing Act 2, with the next scene coming in about 1.5 weeks. The reason this scene took 2 whole weeks is because I had both college applications and planning for Act 2 to do.
-Your feedback has been vital to the story, keep telling me what I'm doing right and wrong, because it helps me out a lot.
Thanks so much for your support, and enjoy!
Last edited by Craftyatom on Wed Jan 08, 2014 1:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
Main route: COM(promise)
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Body and Spirit (1/2)

Post by Craftyatom » Wed Jan 08, 2014 1:01 am

Act 2: Adventurers

>Body and Spirit<
Alarm clock, why. Why are you waking me up. Why can’t I just sleep for a little longer, 10 more minutes maybe. 5 minutes. 2 minutes. Anything. This isn’t fair.

As I slowly open my eyes, I can only just make out the bleary image of the tiny beeping menace, and swing my right arm forwards, slamming my hand on top of the small device and silencing it, at least for now. I lift myself out of bed, planting my feet on the ground, and begin my morning routine.

I feel really tired, which is strange. Usually I’m not too… Oh. Right. Yesterday was the festival. Which meant that I was up until… Well, until way too late. I never bothered to check.

Having prepared myself for the day, I head over to Suzu’s room. If I’m this tired, then I can only imagine how she feels. I knock on her door, then lean on the door frame, waiting for a response. Surprisingly, it opens, and a dressed, albeit extremely drowsy, Suzu appears before me. “You’re up!”

She mumbles something, then steps past me into the hallway and starts walking to class. I shut her door for her, then take a few quick strides to catch up. “So, how were your parents?”

She sighs. “Not great.”

“That bad, huh?”

“… Yeah.”

“Anything in particular?”

Another big sigh. “They started talking to me about colleges.” I wince.

“Already? Isn’t that not for… months?”

“Well, yeah, but they want me to do prep classes, and take some mock exams, and…” She stares at her feet, shaking her head. “It’s just too much.”

“Ouch.” My parents haven’t talked to me about college yet, and I’m not sure that they will, but even so, university isn’t something that I’ve thought a lot about. It’s a part of ‘the future’. Not the future, as in after the present, but ‘the future’, all of the things too far away from where I am now to matter much. “Well, if you survive, tell me what it’s like. I doubt I can get through something like that without some insider info.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll hear all about it. Talking to a friend might be enough to keep me sane.” She looks up at me, one eyebrow raised. “Speaking of friends, what was with you dragging Hisao off last night?”

“I wanted to let your parents talk to you alone.”

“No, I mean the actual, physical dragging. You seemed pretty chummy.”

“Chummy? Isn’t that, like… sharks?”

“No, not…” She rolls her eyes. “I mean friendly. You looked like you were getting along pretty well, given how much you hated his guts going into lunch yesterday.”

“Oh, right, that. He apologized for some stuff, and now we’re on good terms.”

“It sure looked like it.”

I scoff. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying that you were out pretty late.”

“Of course I was, I wanted to see the fireworks!”

“No, my parents and I saw the fireworks, then they spent 10 minutes saying goodbye, then I went back to my room, then I went to bed, and then, maybe half an hour later, you came back to your room.

“Okay, maybe I talked to Hisao for a little after the fireworks, but-“

“See? I rest my case.” She crosses her arms and turns her head the other way, blocking off any further rebuttal.

“What? No! No, you know what, whatever. Your case is dumb anyways.” I’m pretty sure I see her smile, but she stays turned away from me as we head into class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a few minutes now. Staring at the clock, I wait patiently for lunch break to begin, chin resting in my crossed arms. Mutou is still teaching, if only he knew how close his lesson was to being cut in half. As I look up at the board, he steps back, pointing to a blank next to a series of numbers. That can only mean that-

“So, who knows how many litres it would take to neutralize the solution?” The room goes silent. He surveys the class, looking for anyone who might understand, but his search seems fruitless. “Anybody?” Suddenly he looks down at me. Oh, oh no. I don’t even know what he’s asking for. I don’t even know what he’s teaching. I feel his gaze burning on me, and I can only close my eyes and imagine how embarrassing it’s going to be when I give an answer that makes absolutely no sense. “How about-“

“I know the answer.” Wait. What? I lift my head up and look back over my left shoulder to see Hisao with his hand raised. Is he… Is he taking the bullet for me?

Mutou’s a bit surprised, but he seems content enough that someone offered to answer the question. “… Okay then, Nakai, how many?” Worry not, Hisao, your sacrifice will be remembered.

“2.5 litres of the Calcium Carbonate solution, sir.” A valiant effort, but-

“That’s exactly correct, good job.” What.

Hisao puts his hand back down, he looks… He looks kind of sad, actually. It’s weird. Misha pats him on the back and smiles for him as Mutou goes back to teaching.

So Hisao actually understands what Mutou’s saying? This, this is interesting. I’ll have to ask him about it at lunch, among other things. Speaking of lunch… Only 3 minutes left, 180 short seconds until I can finally stretch these legs. 180 seconds. That’s, like… Forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through some combination of luck and fate I’m able to make it through the small chunk of class remaining, and Suzu and I walk to lunch, taking our usual places. It's not long before Hisao, food in hand, sits down with us.

“Thanks for the save back there, Hisao.”

“Huh?”

“In class.”

“… I don’t understand.”

“Mutou was about to call on me when you answered that question.”

“Oh, the one about the Carbonate neutralizing the solution of Acetic acid?”

I shake my head, that was far too much jargon in one sentence. “I have no idea what you just said, but I had no idea what Mutou was talking about either, so yeah, maybe that was it.”

I grin, but Hisao seems a little concerned. “That’s pretty much all we talked about all morning. It looks like it’s pretty critical to the lesson we’re starting.”

“Eh, don’t worry, it can’t be that important. Besides, you may have noticed that the rest of the class wasn’t exactly on board either.”

“True… Well, as long as you can do well enough on the tests, I guess it’s not really my concern.”

Suzu bursts out laughing. I toss her an angry glare, but as she calms down a bit, she addresses Hisao despite my evil eye’s best efforts. “Miki doesn’t exactly do the best on tests.”

“Shut up! I do just fine when I get some cramming in.”

Suzu is still giggling a bit at this point, but shakes her head and says nothing more. Hisao looks even more worried, though. “Seriously, Hisao, my grades are fine.”

“Well, if you say so…”

We all go back to eating, but I manage to finish fairly quickly, and decide to ask Hisao about something that had crossed my mind. “So Hisao…”

“Hmm?”

“I was thinking about what you said last night about exercise, and-” I stop. His face is turning red, and he starts looking about nervously.

Suzu picks up on the break in conversation. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, uh… Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I wave my hand in her direction, hoping that it will be enough to turn her off of the conversation. I hadn’t realized that this would be a problem for Hisao, but apparently it is, so I had better try my best to defuse the situation.

Suzu looks confused, but decides to believe me. “Okay, then…” Crisis averted, apparently.

Looking up, Hisao still seems a bit terrified, but I notice that he’s finished with his food. “Say, Hisao, since we’re both done, want to head back early?” No doubt Suzu is raising an eyebrow at this, but I’ll be able to explain to her later. Right now, Hisao looks like he needs to escape, but there’s no way he’d do it on his own. Luckily, he takes my offer. “Sure, lead the way.”
Last edited by Craftyatom on Mon Jul 17, 2017 8:55 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Body and Spirit (2/2)

Post by Craftyatom » Wed Jan 08, 2014 1:02 am

Hisao visibly relaxes as we get out into the open air. I guess an apology is in order. “Sorry.”

“Huh?”

“For bringing up your heart with so many people around.”

“Oh… It’s not a big deal.”

I scoff. “It seemed like a big deal back there. You looked like you were about to die of embarrassment, or-“

“Okay, okay, you’re right. I…” He sighs a long, heavy sigh. “I don’t tell a lot of people about my condition.”

“You told me quickly enough.”

“Well, yeah, but it was only so that you would understand why I can’t join the running team.”

“But that turned out okay, right? I mean, it’s not like telling me has made me hate you or anything.”

“I guess so, but…” He stares at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck, for a few seconds before giving up and shrugging.

“Well, either way, last night I was thinking about what you said. You mentioned that you couldn’t run, but walking would be sufficient exercise, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I may have some exercise for you.”

He perks up a bit at the idea. “Oh?”

“Yeah. See, there’s a track meet two weeks from now, so I’m trying to get some extra running in after school. To make sure I don’t hurt anything, though, I’m supposed to walk a few laps when I’m done. Problem is, I really hate walking to cool down.” It sounds dumb, but I always get really impatient when I’m walking and it’s not getting me anywhere. Running is exhilarating, and it’s great exercise, and it feels nice, but walking… “Anyways, I figured that if anyone could help me actually do the walking, it would be you.”

He’s surprised. “Me? Why me?”

“Because, Hisao, you are going to talk to me while I do the cooldown laps.”

“Talk to you? Like, motivation?” I laugh a bit, oh man, I’d love to see that. Motivational speeches from the guy who frowns when he gets a question right in class.

“No, nothing like that, just hold a normal conversation with me while I walk. We could talk about… I don’t know. Just something to keep me from dying of boredom.”

“Oh, okay. And to talk to you, I’ll have to be walking with you, so I get the exercise from it… That’s not a bad idea.”

“So you’ll do it?”

“Yeah, I guess… When would it be?”

“I get finished running at around 5 each day, so if you show up to the track then, I’ll be just about done.”

“Sure, but, uh… I’m not sure I can come today.”

“That’s fine, I’m not running today, I’m still kind of tired from the festival. But we’ll start tomorrow, right?” Besides, it’s not like I’d expect him to show up on only a few hours’ notice.

“Yeah, tomorrow, sounds good!”

“Cool, see you then!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second half of today’s lectures were about as exciting as the first, minus Hisao saving my hide. That’s okay, though; I’m not really sure I can handle exciting at the moment, the fatigue from staying up last night is still wearing on me, and I’m tired enough that I should probably just go to bed. Getting some extra sleep can’t hurt; after all, I’ve got a lot of running to do tomorrow, and then-

“Hey, wait!” I turn around to see Suzu waving after me.

“Oh, hey Suzu.”

She mock pouts, and puts her hands on her hips. “You were just going to leave without telling what happened at lunch today?”

Lunch? “Oh, that. I had to ask Hisao if he wanted to do cooldown laps with me tomorrow.”

“Really? You couldn’t just have asked him that at the table instead of leaving together?”

“No, I couldn’t.” I hadn’t thought about it before, but this conversation is getting dangerously close to the subject of Hisao’s condition.

“Why couldn’t you?” Well there we go.

It’s strange, ordinarily I wouldn’t worry about this sort of thing; after all, it’s just Hisao’s disability. We all have one, here at Yamaku. It’s a part of anyone who goes to the school. And yet… It feels like it would be wrong to tell anybody. Maybe it’s because Hisao’s so worried about it, but then again, that’s his problem, not mine. One way or another, though, I just can’t bring myself to just come out to Suzu about it. “It’s kind of a long story.”

“The kind of long story that you have time to tell me anyways?”

“No, the kind of long story that I can’t tell you because I’m going to bed as soon as I get back to my room, because I’m really tired.”

“What? You- Oh, right, you were up late. Well, be sure to tell me tomorrow, okay?”

I'm not so sure about 'tomorrow', but I'm too tired to argue about it right now, so I grunt in agreement before continuing to my room. If there was any doubt about going to bed early, it’s been settled. I’m sure that everything will be much easier to deal with tomorrow, when I’m not really tired. I change into my nightclothes and turn out the lights to discover that it’s early enough that my room is still well-lit by the sun. Pulling the curtains across my window, I curl up in under my sheets and try not to think about anything as unconsciousness slowly takes me.

Eventually I wake up and open my eyes to… Black, apparently. Blinking a few times, I manage to make out the contours of my room. That’s strange… Looking at my alarm clock, it’s only 1 in the morning, far from when I should be up. Why would I ever be up at-

“Ah!” I gasp reflexively as a sharp tingling sensation hits my left hand.

Oh. This.

As I lift my left arm up in front of my eyes, I can see that it still ends in a rounded stump, like it has for the past few years. Not caring a bit what my eyes say, my left hand starts to clench, getting tighter and tighter, until it feels like it’s burning.

Well, no point in trying to sleep with this going on. Getting out of bed and walking over to my closet, I rummage through it until I reach a familiar black hoodie and a black pair of sweatpants.

You want to play this game again, huh?

Then let’s play.

Previous: Amends and Amenities ~ Next: Tossing and Turning
Last edited by Craftyatom on Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:15 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Brief Exchanges, Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
Old poetry: Google Drive Collection

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Sperance
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Re: COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Jan 8th)

Post by Sperance » Wed Jan 08, 2014 6:24 am

Oh, my. This was a good chapter and I get the feeling you left some clues in it about future events. I'm not saying anything, though, in case I'm wrong... Can't wait to see more!

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