Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

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calcifer
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

Post by calcifer » Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:00 pm

Sweet! I like chapters that are just ~90% internal monologue :)
Shizune = Rin > Emi > Hanako > Lilly
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Retrograde01
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

Post by Retrograde01 » Mon Jan 13, 2020 7:52 pm

Finally all caught up. I feel like Act 4 so far has done a good job of capturing that limbo state between graduating high school and doing anything else. Can't wait to see how it all falls apart!

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AlexFDSR
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (New Art 12/25)

Post by AlexFDSR » Mon Jan 13, 2020 7:57 pm

Eurobeatjester wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 5:16 pm
Mai puts her arm around Iwanako’s shoulders.
Ahh, at last, the convincing lesbian erotica has finally been confirmed!
If Iwanako had a route/was the protagonist of KS, would the tagline be "Can you find it in your heart?"

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Jan 14, 2020 12:09 pm

Thanks for the Update!

One minor thing: In the beginning you write Saki's brother is there on "family business".
Later on it becomes clear that it is a business trip for the family business... Technically correct, but still misleading.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Feurox
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

Post by Feurox » Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:44 pm

Yes, good update as usual. Looking forward to the continuation.

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Eurobeatjester
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:43 am

Thanks for the feedback and kind comments, everyone! Time to reply to everyone!
Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:58 pm
The brother was an interesting addition, kind of a counterbalance to Saki without being an outright villain figure as the dad is.
I'm glad you found him interesting! I wanted to have him be the "here's what Saki says is going on, here's what Father says is going on, here's what's actually going on" figure. I hope it wasn't awkward to introduce him officially so late, but I had fun writing him as a minor character.
yanivp wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:56 pm
Excellent chapter. I could feel my eyes watering in some parts, and some real, barely contained anger in others. That brief, quiet shouting match was written superbly.
Thank you! I was trying to write it as a "test" the brother was giving Hisao by riling him up a bit. Thanks for pointing out the SPaG too!
calcifer wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:00 pm
Sweet! I like chapters that are just ~90% internal monologue :)
Been a while since I've had one of those :lol:
Retrograde01 wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 7:52 pm
Finally all caught up. I feel like Act 4 so far has done a good job of capturing that limbo state between graduating high school and doing anything else. Can't wait to see how it all falls apart!
It's not already? :D
AlexFDSR wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 7:57 pm
Ahh, at last, the convincing lesbian erotica has finally been confirmed!
I ship it. 8)
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jan 14, 2020 12:09 pm
Thanks for the Update!

One minor thing: In the beginning you write Saki's brother is there on "family business".
Later on it becomes clear that it is a business trip for the family business... Technically correct, but still misleading.
To be fair, that's what Hisao believes based off what Saki's told him, and he clarifies later when talking to the brother directly...although I didn't catch that during the proofreading phase :P
Feurox wrote:
Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:44 pm
Yes, good update as usual. Looking forward to the continuation.
Glad you caught up!

I can't believe I have six chapters left. I still can't believe I've been working on this for so long and I'm really excited to get to the conclusion.
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Eurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
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Blackmambauk
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)

Post by Blackmambauk » Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:44 am

So sorry for not replying sooner until now mate, things have been hectic in the last few days at work and home due to having to get my gaming pc sent off (which is a pain in the arse when it weighs over 30kg and you can't take the day off work to hang around for UPS).

Another wonderful chapter Euro, really liked how much internal thoughts were in this chapter. Mai and Iwanako's appearance was a lovely surprise and also I think such a symbolic way of bringing Hisao full circle from the last time he was in hospital and he ended up pushing away his friends because of his depressive state. This time he let's his friends help him, really laughed at Mai bringing in shampoo and giving Hisao's hair a quick wash, nice call back to Hisao's assentation that a quick rinse was all one needed, Saki's reaction would certainly have been the same as the girls and calling Hisao out for it again like last time.

I especially like the unsaid and said stuff between Hisao and Iwanako here, this is the best version I think I have seen of the two making their peace with each other I have seen done in KS fanfic's. Truly you showed nicely of Hisao's development and the way their stuff transitions into Saki's arrival is very well done and a nice way of tying it all together.

What can I say about the Hisao and Saki stuff here, again you have exceeded yourself as always mate and truly nailed every emotion, every feeling and brought happy and sad tears to my eyes as we learned the full story of what happened with everyone. You truly nailed the complexities and gave each character their reasons for their reactions, all of it felt natural and teenlike and it really builds on the nuances and themes of Learning to fly spot on.

I especially loved the bit of the two sleeping for a few hours. These sort of moments truly work when a writer has built to it over time and truly has earned it like you have here.

You truly once again also make great use of a character we have just been introduced to and made them feel fully realised with Saki's brother. He nicely gives the other perspective regarding Saki and their father's actions. That gives more room and I think great alternative character interpretation to a character we have heard so much about and only met once and that left such a impact that we have a firm idea of the person they are and questions on what comes next.

You are truly on a role and I know the next six chapters are going to be even sweeter, even more hard hitting and even more appeasing to wait for.

Thanks euro for once again delivering such compelling writing.

Blackmambauk
"I think the greatest skill a writer can have is simply having confidence in themselves to tell the story they want to tell, and to have confidence that their audience will make up their own minds on their story and characters." Blackmambauk

Favourite Route= All the Routes were done well. Each had it's strengths and weak points. But none were bad, a brilliant achievement by the KS Team.

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