Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 10/13)

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Eurobeatjester
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/6)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:10 am

“It was after that day in the tea room after I had twisted my ankle, when you told me you looked up my condition.”

I furrow my brow in confusion. “But, I thought you were mad at me for that?”

“I was, but I realized it took a lot for you to come clean and tell me what happened, and to share with me your own issues even though you didn’t have to. And then you made me laugh on top of all that. And then the band room happened,” she finishes, blushing a bit more.

Without even realizing it, I’ve been holding her even tighter. I kiss the top of her head and inhale deeply, taking in the calming scent of her shampoo. I’m not sure how long we stay in this position, but I know that whenever it ends, it will have been too short.

“I have to admit, it was really nice to be treated like a person again after all those months in the hospital and not just like something delicate and made out of glass.”

“Shut up, you’re making me blush,” she chuckles.

“You said I was fun to tease. You can’t say this much is enough to get to you.”

“...only when it’s serious,” she whispers, looking into my eyes in a way that make me apprehensive. Hers dance with anticipation and eagerness, and deep underneath it all, a sense of sadness.

“I’ve missed not being able to see you the last few weeks, Hisao.”

“Me too.”

I kiss her again, and almost faster than we realize, it deepens into something more passionate, as all the tension of the last few weeks and the emotional intensity of this conversation bubble just beneath the surface. We’ve spent the night together since our time at the beach, but exams kept us too busy and tired to do much but sleep. Now, with everything going on around us, I don’t think that will be an issue…

“Let’s head back to my room,” I say, before this goes to its inevitable conclusion.

Saki looks around us before grinning up at me impishly with the same look she gave me at the beach a few weeks ago. “We’re all alone up here. Do we need to wait that long?”

My pulse rate instantly doubles as my eyes dart around the rooftop and see that we are quite indeed alone. Sometime in the last few minutes the few people that were up here retreated back into the building.

“You’re serious?” I manage to squeak.

Saki’s eyes are alive with a feral spark, and she gives me a smile to match. “We’d have to be quick though before someone else comes up here.”

It’s a weak objection from the start, and is only eroded when I see a yearning on her face underneath the teasing grin I’ve come to love so much the last few months. She’s not teasing me this time.

“Please?” she whispers.

Our first night together, I was the first to one of us to say how badly one of us wanted the other. Even though Saki responded quickly in kind, it was just another line I’ve been following her to and then crossing with her encouragement.

And now, it’s the exact opposite, our roles reversed. And I know my response will be the same as hers was.

That still doesn’t mean that all caution should be thrown to the wind.

“Okay, but…”

Saki doesn’t wait for me to finish before her lips are on mine, her hands splaying around my back. Just like last time, any feeble objection my brain tries to put together ends up getting scattered before it can fully form. In that few seconds, Saki’s managed to back me up against the wall.

“I’ve always wanted to try this,” she grins, trying to catch her breath. One of her hands goes to my shoulder while the second moves to the knot at my waist, deft fingers loosening it slightly.

“Saki…”

She kisses me deeply, pushing down on my shoulder until I begin to slide down into a seated position. Saki moves right along with me, caressing my chest as her ministrations finally undo the tie holding my yukata together. I nervously look around again, my anxiety level barely ahead of my hormones as I realize what she’s doing.

“Y...you’re not planning on having us strip up here, right?” I swallow hard at the thought. I’m not that much of an exhibitionist. “If someone saw us...”

She giggles, a wonderful sound carried on the night air.

“No. But just enough for this,” she says, managing to snake a hand between the folds of my robe and brushing me lightly through my underwear. I get the idea, and quickly shift to move them down just enough to where they won’t be a hindrance.

Saki hikes the lower half of her yukata up just to where she can straddle me, and when she leans forward so her hips are over mine we briefly make contact. I’m nervous, but excited…and when Saki adjusts again, she finds this out for herself and she gives a small gasp.

“I want you, Hisao,” she growls out in a husky whisper. “Just like this...”

I kiss her lightly, giving her whatever affirmation she’s tenuously holding out for.

She lifts up slightly and her hands disappear under the tent her yukata makes over our hips. I feel her fingers curl around me gently to hold me, and a brief look of intense concentration flashes across her face as her other hand does something that I can’t see for a few seconds.

“Everything okay?” I ask, trying to keep the nervousness and the feeling we shouldn’t be doing this here at bay.

“Mhm, just adjusting,” she nods, her brow furrowing. A moment later I feel her warmth first against me, then around me as she lowers herself. The sudden sensation drives every doubt from my mind, wiped clean by a wave of pleasure that courses through my entire body.

This feels entirely different than the first time we were together. The circumstances might be bordering absurdity, but all that is cast aside by Saki burying her face in the crook where my neck meets my shoulder. The night air feels cold enough to give me goosebumps where it meets my skin, but where her robe covers us both, the heat is otherworldly.

I kiss her neck and she breathes in sharply, rocking her hips back and forth in what starts off at a slow rhythm, but quickly starts to increase in pace. Saki’s hands move to my shoulders and mine to her hips to steady ourselves as we keep moving.

Please, for the love of any deity that may exist out among those stars above us, do not let anyone come on to the roof right now.

I try to match my movement’s to Saki’s, but I can’t seem to get any leverage while seated, and Saki’s soon moving faster than I can keep up with. Breathing heavily on top of me as she writhes, I can see sweat starting to bead on her skin, shining under the sparse starlight.

Maybe it’s the excitement of the moment, the danger of getting caught, or the taboo of us doing something like this in this location that gives this time an intensity our first time didn’t. It only takes a few minutes of moving like this before before the two of us near our limit.

“Hisao...Hisao!

Saki’s grunting my name through clenched teeth, and hearing that along with the sensation of her squeezing down on me barely gives me time to utter a breathless warning.

“Saki...I...”

She kisses me deeply in that moment, releasing a strangled cry into my mouth as she clamps down on me even harder, sending me right to the edge and beyond it with a shudder and a low growl forced out my throat. I can feel every movement around me as she tenses a few final times, before nearly collapsing on top of me with a small cry. Her forehead rests on my shoulder, her panting breath hot on my chest. I bring up a hand to the back of her neck, both of us trembling slightly.

We sit like this for a few moments, both calming our breathing and hearts, spending as much time as the frenzied act itself took, and just like that...it’s over. Nothing seems to punctuate this better than the sweat covering our bodies giving us a sudden chill.

“Gods,” Saki says, a laugh bleeding into her shaking voice. “I can’t believe we did that.”

“Me neither...that was...intense,” I agree, letting out a huge sigh of relief at not getting interrupted, and a chuckle at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. “I just wish it wasn’t over so fast.”

Saki looks at me with half lidded eyes, and touches her forehead to mine.

“It doesn’t have to be,” she says, trying to regain enough composure to use her normal teasing tone, but not recovering enough to hide the same earnestness she had earlier.

Not up here though,” I immediately blurt out, the full realization of where exactly we are at this moment coming back, bringing with it a mild panic.

“I think I’m ready to go to your room now…”

I nod, and both of us move to shift at the same time...however, as soon as we start to move, Saki stops moving and her eyes get large.

“I, um…I’m sorry,” Saki stammers nervously.

“W...why?” I immediately ask, worried that somehow I may have done something wrong.

“I didn’t really take a moment to think what to do, um...immediately after. I don’t think I can make it all the way back to the dorm like...this...

Oh...that. Yeah...I didn’t think of that either.

“There’s the bathroom on the third floor near our classes.”

Saki nods, still embarrassed. Hopefully there’s nobody there. As bad as getting caught on the roof would have been, getting caught trying to freshen up afterwards...

“I think that’s as good an idea as any.”

“You know that we’re never doing this again, right?”

Saki laughs. “Not here, you’re right.” She bends down and kisses me again, a hint of lustful fire rekindling itself. “But we have tomorrow off. I’m not done with you yet.”

“Oh you aren’t, are you?”

“Nope. Give me thirty minutes to get cleaned up and changed and I’ll come to your room and prove it to you.”

It only takes twenty.

My only regret is that I’m going to have to pay to get Mitsuru’s yukata dry-cleaned.

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Last edited by Eurobeatjester on Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:35 pm, edited 8 times in total.
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Eurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Blackmambauk » Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:40 am

Just when you find yourself at home from work because of two storms battering where you live. You get an update to one of my favourite pieces of literature. Booyah!

As usual, really liked how you wrote everyone. From Hisao and Saki's relationship continuing to develop further with the talk on the Roof and partaking in the second of the often rule of three of smut in KS writing. The lust act. Nicely done with the details and passion on the roof, balanced well with the titillation, but also in showing Hisao and Saki partaking in teen exploration and risqué that nicely reminisces the ones from Shizune and Emi's routes.

You know at first i thought Hisao was going to possibly suffer from his heart playing up during the smut scene Not sure why since no hints of his heart playing up were put in earlier scenes. Just me being my usual spectating self.

Speaking of Shizune, i had a feeling she would get the girl from other route cameo with Misha here. Where there's games and challenges to be had, Shizune cat front hair props up. You nicely got her down with her competitiveness and gave Noriko a nice spot of outdoing her that was great to read about. Along with a little bit more about her after a while of her being in the background. But as always great use of Chisato and Mitsuru as beta couple to Hisao and Saki.

Liked how Saki noted of how each of the girls were trying in their own way to help Hisao in his first week. Especially Shizune, that partly helped to get Hisao to meet the other girls and eventually get out of his funk one way or another. Nice meta bit of writing there.

Also liked the detail of Saki's use of the fish filter. Very in character for her to do that.

Only 3 chapters more to the end of chapter 3? It's interesting how long chapter 3 has gone on for, yet it has never dragged in any place, nor has my interest in the characters declined. no matter how long each chapter has took to come out. And we still have so much story and revelations to come. It's a full testament to your skills as a writer that i still feel hooked to your fic and write down full commentary's each chapter as soon as your latest chapter is up after so many years.

You are truly one of the best writers on this site and you deserve the views and comments you get.

With the best i think still to come from you :D .

Keep up the great work as always.

Blackmamabuk
"I think the greatest skill a writer can have is simply having confidence in themselves to tell the story they want to tell, and to have confidence that their audience will make up their own minds on their story and characters." Blackmambauk

Favourite Route= All the Routes were done well. Each had it's strengths and weak points. But none were bad, a brilliant achievement by the KS Team.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by AJT135 » Fri Mar 02, 2018 11:04 am

Another fantastic instalment as always. I've not commented on this before, but I've been following it for a while and It's easily one of my favourite fics on this site.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Mar 02, 2018 1:22 pm

and the two of them compliment each other perfectly.
I guess they might be doing that also, but I think you were going for "complement"
a radiant floral pattern definitely giving her an almost regal air.
8)
I didn’t get a chance to have breakfast today.”
And apparently no lunch either, since the sun's already down...
Please, for the love of any diety
Deity
I don't really have much to add besides what Blackmambauk already said, so just - Thanks for the new Chapter :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/6)

Post by Zerebos » Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:21 pm

Eurobeatjester wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:10 am
“Gods,” Saki says, a laugh bleeding into her shaking voice. “I can’t believe we did that.”
Is Saki meant to be calling out to all the gods? :lol:

Another good chapter, the shooting gallery scene was pretty cute and makes sense for Shizune's attitude. Poor Mitsuru though, if he knew what that yukata went through he would just have Hisao burn it!

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Sat Mar 03, 2018 6:10 pm

Blackmambauk wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:40 am
Rooftop scene
I didn't plan on writing that at first. There's one more really heavy scene before the end of the act and I was debating to put it there or swap it out with the sex scene. I thought it flowed better here, so I'm glad you like it :)
Zerebos wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:21 pm
Is Saki meant to be calling out to all the gods? :lol:
Huh, didn't even think of that when I wrote that. Hisao does ;) But you're right, it can be a bit jarring. Changed it to flow better :)
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 1:22 pm
gremlins that got through

Thanks for pointing those out, went back and fixed them!
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Eurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by yanivp » Mon Mar 05, 2018 8:27 am

A superb piece as always. My one qualm is when you write exchanges of dialogue between characters When they're 1 line replies, it's okay, and easy enough to tell who's talking, but for example, when Chisato and Mitsuru are arguing, since the group is so large, it's quite difficult to tell who is saying what. In the case of the cold opens into new scenes, I presume you don't mind who we believe is saying what in favour of better flow, but in those back and forth parts, you'd do well to add names, or work on some way to imply who is speaking (perhaps add colour to the conversations?) beyond "you should get it by the context". I do, but I had to read it over.
Also, I really liked those blurry stills you did when entering a new place! I suggest doing more of those - for example, the roof. We, the audience, haven't in principle seen the roof at night, nor certain parts of the festival. In these cases, you do a superb job of describing scene with words alone, but, like with the dialogue, it could help establish where and what is happening quickly and emotively, as well as give this work a more unique substance that imagery can only give. This is all a preamble to me complaining there aren't more character stills (which I love), more people doing fanart of this fanfic which you can then include, and more cheesecake. Pretty much any moment they had on the rooftop would have been a worthy still, start to finish.
Besides that, superb work as always. Hopefully you finish this before major publishing houses get word of your skill :D.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/6)

Post by Downix » Mon Mar 05, 2018 5:16 pm

Zerebos wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:21 pm
Eurobeatjester wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:10 am
“Gods,” Saki says, a laugh bleeding into her shaking voice. “I can’t believe we did that.”
Is Saki meant to be calling out to all the gods? :lol:

Another good chapter, the shooting gallery scene was pretty cute and makes sense for Shizune's attitude. Poor Mitsuru though, if he knew what that yukata went through he would just have Hisao burn it!
Japan's folk religion is polydiestic, so this makes sense.

As a polythiest, it was very in character for me to read that. I use the same phrasing myself.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:31 pm

"Gods!" is just another general exclamation signifying astonishment - like "Geez", "Man" or "Wow".

You don't need to be polytheistic - or even religious - to use it. I've used the German equivalent multiple times, and I'm atheist.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Downix » Mon Mar 05, 2018 8:13 pm

Eh, ask 10 people an opinion, get 12 answers. It's all good.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Thu Mar 08, 2018 2:46 pm

yanivp wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 8:27 am
A superb piece as always. My one qualm is when you write exchanges of dialogue between characters When they're 1 line replies, it's okay, and easy enough to tell who's talking, but for example, when Chisato and Mitsuru are arguing, since the group is so large, it's quite difficult to tell who is saying what. In the case of the cold opens into new scenes, I presume you don't mind who we believe is saying what in favour of better flow, but in those back and forth parts, you'd do well to add names, or work on some way to imply who is speaking (perhaps add colour to the conversations?) beyond "you should get it by the context".
One of the things I used to do was add a ("Statement," person said) or something similar to every line of dialogue I wrote in a two part conversation, or conversations with more people than that. I ended up reading a few books on writing to try and improve my skills and one of the things they mentioned is that in a conversation with two or more people, once it's established which two characters are talking, you shouldn't need to clarify with a "said" until one of two things happens:

1) Something significantly changes in the tone of the conversation, like "So and so pauses before giving me an answer" or "So and so bursts out laughing."

2) Someone that's not the established talking characters starts talking.

So when there's two lines of Chisato saying something, then Mitsuru saying something, because those were the last two characters referenced, the subsequent lines are the two of them going back and forth until someone else pops in. I'll try to make it a bit more clear though :)

Certain times like the snowcone scene, it doesn't really matter who says which line because it works for all of them, but that's a pretty rare type of segue.
Also, I really liked those blurry stills you did when entering a new place! I suggest doing more of those - for example, the roof. We, the audience, haven't in principle seen the roof at night, nor certain parts of the festival.
I try to do this whenever a new area that wasn't seen in the game is presented :) The festival is seen in Shizune's route, and the roof is seen both in her route and in the Manly Picnic.

I'll add more though for the scenes coming up since they take place away from Yamaku though!

Thanks for the feedback :)
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Eurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
believe in yourself

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:24 pm

So when there's two lines of Chisato saying something, then Mitsuru saying something, because those were the last two characters referenced, the subsequent lines are the two of them going back and forth until someone else pops in.
So far I haven't had any difficulties distinguishing the speakers in any of your dialogues.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by Downix » Sun Mar 11, 2018 3:13 pm

I flip in here this morning because I remember a shopping scene and I wanted ideas on how to handle it myself, and wind up reading the whole thing AGAIN! Argh, you are too good sir!

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by TubaMirum » Mon Mar 12, 2018 7:30 pm

I would feel remiss not to pop in to mention I've read the wonderful new chapter, even if I ultimately didn't have anything useful to say! Well, aside from how luscious a rooftop soiree in yukata is on the mind's eroticism~ :wink:
Gustav Mahler wrote:If you find you're boring your audience, go slower not faster.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 3/2)

Post by kayeskay » Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:07 am

While I don't browse/lurk this forum as religiously as I used to (thanks, school), I always love checking this now and again to seeing new chapters. Keep up the awesome work, EBJ!

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