Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 11/28)

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Eurobeatjester
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Wed May 11, 2016 9:09 pm

TubaMirum wrote:Still, things seem like they're progressing a bit nicely, though I didn't get too much of the half-despair Hisao was experiencing over their uncomfortable relationship status. It feels like everything is just fine and dandy after the lunch and getting his face bashed in, but that doesn't entirely make sense to me considering they're still standing in the same place. I can believe Hisao managed to forget all about it in the excitement, but I doubt that''ll be able to continue for long.
This is a challenge for me to write convincingly, seems I'm still not quite there yet :P I tried to convey that Hisao seems to forget about his different concerns when he's with Saki, as she is pretty much the one who is setting the pace of their relationship...for now at any rate. He has time to muse on it when he's alone, but since he doesn't have much experience, all he's going off of is a "gut feeling" that something isn't quite right. It's not a steady movement forward, but instead a rather jerky, unsmooth motion. The same thing happens in Hanako's route.

Any ideas on how I can write that feeling a bit better? It won't progress too much farther like this, but it will come up in a few plot points later.
Seriously, just kiss him Saki. Geez :oops:
You know, I thought really hard about Saki kissing him there, but I realized that in the VN itself, there's very few actual displays of public affection shown except during the sex scenes, or moments when the characters are alone. I could be wrong, but aren't Rin and Lilly the only ones that have a kiss outside of a sex scene?

While I really don't think that's realistic for people of high school age (oh to be young again) it seems to feel that way for the students at Yamaku...of course, then you have people sneaking off to the track shed for some extracurricular activities... :wink:
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by TubaMirum » Wed May 11, 2016 9:40 pm

Eurobeatjester wrote: This is a challenge for me to write convincingly, seems I'm still not quite there yet :P I tried to convey that Hisao seems to forget about his different concerns when he's with Saki, as she is pretty much the one who is setting the pace of their relationship...for now at any rate. He has time to muse on it when he's alone, but since he doesn't have much experience, all he's going off of is a "gut feeling" that something isn't quite right. It's not a steady movement forward, but instead a rather jerky, unsmooth motion. The same thing happens in Hanako's route.

Any ideas on how I can write that feeling a bit better? It won't progress too much farther like this, but it will come up in a few plot points later.
I definitely got that sensation from the story, but it felt like it wasn't as well sold by the interactions. To me there was a lot of attention being spent on his interactions with Emi and Rin and also his introduction to Mitsuru when I imagined he'd still be kind of brooding without all of Saki's influence.

It's a treacherous path to not overdo this, though, and I'd probably much prefer Hisao isn't too overcome with angst when he's clearly not bothered past the point of comfort just yet.
While I really don't think that's realistic for people of high school age (oh to be young again) it seems to feel that way for the students at Yamaku...of course, then you have people sneaking off to the track shed for some extracurricular activities... :wink:
Especially the homosexual types, if Emi is to be believed :lol: I don't doubt Saki has a bit of shyness about public displays of affection, though, considering her beloved SmFather. :D
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu May 12, 2016 5:00 am

Eurobeatjester wrote:there's very few actual displays of public affection shown except during the sex scenes
Japan is notoriously conservative when it comes to PDAs. It is very rare to see people holding hands much less kissing. That goes especially for high-schoolers where word can get around very quickly.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Thu May 12, 2016 5:02 am

Thanks for the feedback so far! I appreciate it :)

Also, I forgot to put the piece of music in the header. I don't have a specific piece of music for this scene, so instead, I wanted to share what I see as Saki's actual character theme.

"Broken" by Helen Jane Long (2013 Air Studios version)
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Blackmambauk » Thu May 12, 2016 5:43 am

I thought Hisao acting the way he did in the chapter made sense when you consider how passive he generally is. Not to mention his behavior matches how he is on As EJB said in Hanako's route, but also in Lilly's route as well where he knows deep down in Act 4 there is something going on with Lilly. But he doesn't try to get it out of Lilly and it's Akira who ends up giving Hisao the news about her.

Since Hisao generally likes to spectate on matters rather than try to confront people on them unless it get's to a point where he feels he has to.

Black mentioned what I was going to say already, but they are right in Japan is very conservative on PDA's. Partly because of the whole don't lose face in public belief, but also because they believe in relationships being done in private and not for the world to see.

Which the VN reflects for the most part, especially with Shizune's route which fit's her and Hisao's characterization (though those who know sign language will know Shizune is affectionate in her own way). Which led to some to believe her route lacked affection.

When PDA's are used in the VN like for example in Emi's route. It's to show that Emi is using it to stop Hisao getting closer to her and to partly manipulate him as well.

Listened to the song on YouTube (video from your link isn't available). I would say it's quite fitting for Saki in a few ways, the way it has the main key but with a sadder violin melancholy playing in the background. Along with the guitar playing as well reflects nicely on Saki in general I think.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Thu May 12, 2016 6:04 am

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Eurobeatjester wrote:there's very few actual displays of public affection shown except during the sex scenes
Japan is notoriously conservative when it comes to PDAs. It is very rare to see people holding hands much less kissing. That goes especially for high-schoolers where word can get around very quickly.
That's one of the things that makes the final scene and CG in Hanako's path so amazing.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Blackmambauk » Thu May 12, 2016 6:27 am

Indeed, less is more I think when it comes to stuff like that overall. So when you do scenes like the final scene of Hanako's route, it's much more powerful and emotionally fulfilling.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Dash9 » Thu May 12, 2016 8:37 pm

I think I've been up just a tad too long to make a coherent post. So instead of embarrassing myself, I'll just leave it as a simple 'thank you' for continuing to work on this story, and for posting an update despite your current health issues. Best of luck and a swift recovery.

Thanks for sharing,
--Dash

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by brythain » Thu May 12, 2016 9:33 pm

Eurobeatjester wrote:... I realized that in the VN itself, there's very few actual displays of public affection shown except during the sex scenes, or moments when the characters are alone.
Well... those aren't displays of public affection, y'know? :D
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by TubaMirum » Thu May 12, 2016 9:34 pm

brythain wrote:Well... those aren't displays of public affection, y'know? :D
What, you mean don't like being seen when they're doing the nasty? Has my entire life been a lie?
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Fri May 13, 2016 2:11 am

TubaMirum wrote:
brythain wrote:Well... those aren't displays of public affection, y'know? :D
What, you mean don't like being seen when they're doing the nasty? Has my entire life been a lie?
Depends, what's your budget for a webcam?
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Hesmiyu » Fri May 13, 2016 2:26 am

TubaMirum wrote:
brythain wrote:Well... those aren't displays of public affection, y'know? :D
What, you mean don't like being seen when they're doing the nasty? Has my entire life been a lie?
Well, now we know what TubaMirum does in their spare time.

Enjoyable chapter as always EBJ, look forward to the next ones :)
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri May 13, 2016 5:57 am

Ah, The Jigoro... 8)

A bit late to the party, but I put this off for a few days so I could read it in one go.

Excellent chapter as always!
EBJ wrote:I could be wrong, but aren't Rin and Lilly the only ones that have a kiss outside of a sex scene?
No, Emi and (of course) Hanako have those as well - Emi when she tells Hisao to confess to her and Hanako in the final scene.
Shizune doesn't have any, but then I'm not sure Shizune and Hisao were in a relationship anyway.

Regarding your inspiration for Mitsuru, I think we haven't seen nearly enough of him to guess who that might be...
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by VampireSurfer » Thu May 19, 2016 1:45 am

Delightful fanfic. Keep it up.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/11)

Post by Eurobeatjester » Fri May 27, 2016 3:17 pm

New chapter's proceeding much faster than my usual pace :)
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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