Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 11/28)

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henry14
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by henry14 » Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:59 am

Just wanted to say that I've enjoyed the story very much so far.

Keep up the good work!

azumeow
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by azumeow » Thu Dec 10, 2015 3:34 pm

"It's like a dream you try to remember when you wake up from it, but the mere act of trying to recall it ends up erasing it forever."

That line. That fucking line. It feels like I'm reading KS itself. Nice work, Euro.
"I don’t want to be here anymore, I know there’s nothing left worth staying for.
Your paradise is something I’ve endured
See I don’t think I can fight this anymore, I’m listening with one foot out the door
And something has to die to be reborn-I don’t want to be here anymore"

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Yukarin » Thu Dec 10, 2015 4:56 pm

*internally screaming*

Loved the violin part. Makes me remember the first time I made a sound on my flute.

Great job EBJ! Eagerly waiting for more.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by shikadsapo » Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:01 pm

I'm another guy who just created an account to tell you how awesome this route is. I truly don't mind how much time you take on creating these as long is from this brilliant quality. Every new chapter brightens my day, please keep at it! It's really awesome! :D :D :D

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by LiveAtTheBarbeque » Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:32 pm

I am really, really, really, really, liking this.

Really.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Eurobeatjester » Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:45 pm

Home with a few hours to unwind :) I can give detailed replies!

First off, thank you for everyone who hasn't just been waiting on the chapter, but the story itself. So much has changed in my life since I started writing this, that in many ways, I'm not the same person...and I mean that in a good way. I'm hoping to keep a quicker pace, but I say that every time I post.

I'm working on a Saki oneshot right now, not sure if it will be part of this story's continuity but it came about after a discussion in the headcanon thread. I have to take a break from this one before diving into Act 3.
Nomiya
I really didn't like writing this scene that much. My opinion of Nomiya changed upon playing Rin's route again. The first time I played it, I thought he was a raging asshole. The second playthrough though let me focus on some of the different aspects of her route instead of focusing entirely on her, and I have to admit, the bastard kind of grew on me. I do believe that deep down, he has good intentions and isn't a bad person; he's just extremely brash. By the time he has his outburst at Rin near the end of her route, we've seen all his frustrations build up (and quite honestly, Hisao mirrors a lot of them) and he just explodes at her. You could even make the argument that his anger is completely justified, even if the way he expresses it isn't.

However, Hisao is only a casual observer to this argument, and I tried to present it as he would see it from that viewpoint. He doesn't know the history between Nomiya and Saki, or that Nomiya is the type of person he is.

He tends to exclude everything else except art, so I didn't think it too far-reaching to make the assumption that he's pretty selective about what he personally perceives as art and treats the rest accordingly.
Saki in the older photographs
I imagine her as a more toned down Selphie from Final Fantasy 8, but not exactly with her hair quite that wild.
Red haired girl
:whistles innocently:
Violin and kissing scene
It wasn't my intention to give the impression that Saki was pushing Hisao forward or towards a different direction, but that the scene progressed naturally out of the feelings they are building for each other. Having bought a violin since I started writing this story, I can say from experience that a lesson tends to be rather...intimate. There's really no other way to show someone the proper hand position, or how to hold the violin or bow properly, or how much pressure to use, without having the teacher manipulating your body in a hands on manner. Think of it like a dance lesson - you're going to be in very close proximity to the person. Add in hormones and the fact they're starting to care for each other...you get that. Or at least, that's what I tried to convey.

But of course, Saki's back to her old self by the time Hisao asks her out. That part is her old habit of pushing him, but as far as the kiss itself, I like to think it was mutual.

Also, regarding Chisato and Noriko's bet - one of the favorite things of Emi's route for me was the way Misha was needling him literally the second he got back into the classroom after the two kissed on the rooftop. I tried to go for that feeling with that exchange. Plus, Chisato's been shipping the two of them pretty hard :wink:

Here's the Act 3 title card, courtesy of jmc5221 and reddit user derick1908:

Image
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Kaldar von Lupo » Fri Dec 11, 2015 1:55 am

It's been about a year since I first found this fic, so I figured it was about time I made an account to express how much I love this fic, especially the way Saki's written. Looking forward to the future. Keep up the great work.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Hesmiyu » Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:48 am

Seeing that title card makes me think something bad is going to happen. Even if it does, in sure you'll write it beautifully like you have all the previous chapters.

I'm curious to see how you will do the Epilogue (Saki-logue?), as in having Hisao researching a way to help her medically as write a few others do for other routes.
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The line above is true.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Dec 11, 2015 9:36 am

I'm away from the forums for two days and I miss one update and more than a page's worth of comments...

Excellent chapter again. Best part was probably Hisao watching the photos, but the end was also adorable.
The second playthrough though let me focus on some of the different aspects of her route instead of focusing entirely on her, and I have to admit, the bastard kind of grew on me. I do believe that deep down, he has good intentions and isn't a bad person; he's just extremely brash. By the time he has his outburst at Rin near the end of her route, we've seen all his frustrations build up (and quite honestly, Hisao mirrors a lot of them) and he just explodes at her. You could even make the argument that his anger is completely justified, even if the way he expresses it isn't.
So I'm not the only one who thinks Nomiya gets too much hate.
If you think about it, it's not completely justified.
In Rin's route he puts a lot of effort in Rin's exhibition, using his contacts, even exempting Rin from school just to help her make her way, and in the end Rin just throws it away.
Yes, he could be more understanding about Rin's "special needs" but then noone else understands her either - including Hisao for most of the story - so why do people blame Nomiya especially?
So, yes, I was a bit disappointed to see Nomiya again depicted as an asshole, but since his appearance in this story is likly just a small cameo I don't mind too much.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Blackmambauk » Fri Dec 11, 2015 10:08 am

I agree, I have come to see Nomiya in the same way as you Euro on repeat playthrough's as I mentioned on the previous page when you mentioned your worries on getting his personality down.

The man does mean well in his own way, he just has what many readers feel is not the best way of going about with his words and actions (plus for me personally, he reminded me of a lot of school special need officers I dealt with growing up, who like him were very insensitive and condescending in his words and actions in my presence and towards other students as well so there a personal bias with me for his character).

Namely in that he and Hisao overall push Rin into doing the whole exhibition without really understanding that deep down Rin doesn't want to do it. Problem is Rin just can't find a way to just be direct and say that to them.

Plus as you have said he put's so much work and effort into doing it to just see Rin run away from it as being a middle finger to it all. With his final outburst being that I can understand where he is coming from in telling Rin very bluntly how much of a chance she has thrown away, especially since artists have a real hard time in making a living from their work, more so in regards to Rin with her lack of arms and showing no interest or talent in other areas that would allow her to make a living.

It was just the way he put it and how it led Rin to breakdown is what cost Nomiya most if not any sympathy or feeling he had a point from many of the readers. If he had put it in a more nicer and sensitive way, I imagine more readers would be more forgiving towards him.

I'm most likely never to going to like Nomiya deep down, but his character in general is one I have come to understand a lot more on repeat playing's of Rin's route, partly cause he was for me reminiscent of a number of special need teachers and staff I have come across in my time at school and at uni as well.
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Favourite Route= All the Routes were done well. Each had it's strengths and weak points. But none were bad, a brilliant achievement by the KS Team.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Blackmambauk » Fri Dec 11, 2015 10:59 am

I'm working on a Saki oneshot right now, not sure if it will be part of this story's continuity but it came about after a discussion in the headcanon thread. I have to take a break from this one before diving into Act 3.
That sounds like a great idea overall, especially if it will allow us to get into Saki's head at a certain point of her life. As to whether to put it into LTF continuity, it depends overall if you think the one-shot would serve Saki and who else is in it well in the larger picture of this fic. Or if your looking at doing something different with Saki to what you have done with her so far. I'm just thinking of The Kakashi Chronicles for Naruto in this regard and how it set things in motion for part two of Naruto. Or maybe it can be done in the way like how Leaty did a one-shot for her Breakdown fic here.

http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10207

There's much potential to be had I think in a Saki one-shot and I'm sure you have a few ideas on what you want to write for it.
Saki in the older photographs: I imagine her as a more toned down Selphie from Final Fantasy 8, but not exactly with her hair quite that wild.
You know you could say that Chisato actually looks a bit like Selphie now and Saki now looks more like what Chisato looked like before :D . So the two have in a way swapped round their hairstyle's in the past. Saki looking a bit like Selphie from FF8, yes that fits nicely I think with how I get the sense in the past Saki was more willing to spread her wings a bit.
It wasn't my intention to give the impression that Saki was pushing Hisao forward or towards a different direction, but that the scene progressed naturally out of the feelings they are building for each other. Having bought a violin since I started writing this story, I can say from experience that a lesson tends to be rather...intimate. There's really no other way to show someone the proper hand position, or how to hold the violin or bow properly, or how much pressure to use, without having the teacher manipulating your body in a hands on manner. Think of it like a dance lesson - you're going to be in very close proximity to the person. Add in hormones and the fact they're starting to care for each other...you get that. Or at least, that's what I tried to convey. But of course, Saki's back to her old self by the time Hisao asks her out. That part is her old habit of pushing him, but as far as the kiss itself, I like to think it was mutual.
Very true that, you do need to have some hand on guidance for stuff like dancing and violin playing at times without it feeling like it's intimate. Which for a lot of writers is a goldmine when they want to do more subtle shipping or sexual tension without seeming overt in their writing. it's even better me because I like likes innuendo sounding dialogue quite a bit. I.E my favourite Avengers movie joke is when Coulson tells Captain America that he watched him sleeping in ice, but not meaning it in the way it came off as to Steve. Leading Coulson to sheepishly trying to explain it away and making a fool of himself.
regarding Chisato and Noriko's bet
Agree with that and I think you got it down very well, plus it just felt something the pair would do. Plus Chisato has been pushing the pair for a little while now.
Last edited by Blackmambauk on Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"I think the greatest skill a writer can have is simply having confidence in themselves to tell the story they want to tell, and to have confidence that their audience will make up their own minds on their story and characters." Blackmambauk

Favourite Route= All the Routes were done well. Each had it's strengths and weak points. But none were bad, a brilliant achievement by the KS Team.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:12 pm

You know you could say that Chisato actually looks a bit like Sophie now and Saki now looks more like what Chisato looked like before :D . So the two have in a way swapped round their hairstyle's in the past. Saki looking a bit like Sophie from FF8, yes that fits nicely I think with how I get the sense in the past Saki was more willing to spread her wings a bit.
Her name is Selphie :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Blackmambauk » Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:15 pm

Whoops, fixed it now :oops:.
"I think the greatest skill a writer can have is simply having confidence in themselves to tell the story they want to tell, and to have confidence that their audience will make up their own minds on their story and characters." Blackmambauk

Favourite Route= All the Routes were done well. Each had it's strengths and weak points. But none were bad, a brilliant achievement by the KS Team.

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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Eurobeatjester » Fri Dec 11, 2015 6:43 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:So, yes, I was a bit disappointed to see Nomiya again depicted as an asshole, but since his appearance in this story is likly just a small cameo I don't mind too much.
Any suggestions as to how I could have struck a better balance here? I'm not sure if Nomiya will have another cameo or not, so I'd like the feedback if I use him again.

I was imagining what the reader (or anyone for that matter) would think if the very first interaction they had with Nomiya was to skip directly to the scene where he gets angry at Rin. I tried to soften it a bit by having Hisao acknowledge to himself that there's some sort of deeper history going on that he doesn't know about and doesn't understand.

Also, regarding that one-shot I mentioned, it's not exactly going to be PG rated, haha. And it won't be nearly as long as one of my normal chapters.

Also...holy hell. 50k views :shock:
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Act 2 Complete 12

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Dec 12, 2015 6:30 am

Actually, him changing personalities between chapters would be worse, so you probably should just stick with yout characterization so far.

But speaking retroactively there was no real reason for Nomiya to get so angry about Saki leaving the club - even less so than there was with Rin: Nomiya probably didn't invest half as much hopes and effort in her than he did in Rin, and school clubs are not even mandatory at Yamaku, so students starting and leaving clubs for various reasons shoud be a common occurence.

Also the reason Saki gave - she wants to concentrate on her real talent - should be acceptable even for someone who thinks painting is a superior form of art to music.

So I would have understood if Nomiya was disappointed to see her leave and yes even ask her to reconsider and try to convince her to reconsider, but anger and trying to blackmail her with her parents was very out of place.

Another minor thing that surprised me was that she had Hisao wait outside. I thought she brought him along exactly because she thought his presence might keep things from escalating...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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