Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (New Artwork 9/17)

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Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (New Artwork 9/17)

Postby Eurobeatjester » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:16 am

Hey everyone! First time poster here, maybe starting out a tad too ambitious, but hopefully it will go well for all, eh? :lol:

I'd like to introduce myself, and a little bit about what KS means to me and why I'm writing this.

I had just moved to a new city in summer of last year, a first for me. I had a tenuous promise of a job and had lived in my car for a while until then. I managed to get an apartment, and said job, but it wasn't what I was expecting. Financial crises kept popping up one after another and in October of last year, I was at the lowest point I have ever been in my life suffering from crippling depression. I would browse 4chan more out of boredom, and I kept seeing this thing called Katawa Shoujo pop up from time to time on /b/ and /v/. I didn't know anything about it except it was a dating sim involving sex and cripped girls and it came from 4chan. I downloaded it, figuring it was something to do (and I couldn't hate myself any more) and I was expecting the worst, knowing the type of humor 4chan is known for.

I was not expecting what happened. I'm sure you've heard it from other people who have experienced the same thing. Because I went into it with my guard down, the game hit me like a freight train. The first route I got was Hanako's, and the defining moment for me when I realized that this experience was going to be different was at the end of the first act. Hanako tells Hisao she was burned in a fire, and the BG changes to a crayon drawing of a burning house and a crying girl - the exact type of thing that a therapist would have a child draw.

It took me three days to finish all five routes. While I liked some better than others, when I finished the last one, I remember looking at the title screen with everything filled in, and closing my laptop slowly. I was just in shock from the magnitude of what I just read. I was like a zombie for a good three days. The origins of KS hit me as hard as the story itself. I remember thinking specifically "If a group of strangers from 4chan, the cesspool of the internet, can come together and create this, and have it be so profound, then what the hell am I doing with my life?"

That was the kick in the ass I needed. I started to force myself to look at things positively. In the last year, I've made a bunch of new friends, am making more money at my job and enjoying it, have been losing weight and getting in shape, and overall am a much happier person both with life and myself. I won't say I don't have relapses from time to time, but even those are becoming fewer and farther between. Katawa Shoujo wasn't the main reason for this, but it played a huge part.

Another reason why KS affected me as much is that I can relate to a lot of the themes in it. When I was a teenager, I suffered a neck injury that left me completely paralyzed from the neck down. I was told by doctors there was a good chance I was never going to walk again. I spent months in the hospital and a year in physical therapy and was extremely lucky. While I never did get all of it back, you'd never know except for a few small visual cues.

Years ago, before everything went to hell and I ended up homeless, I used to write. Original fiction, fanfiction, poetry, even technical articles as a freelance position, I loved it. I would sit down for ten to twelve hours straight with my fingers never leaving the keyboard except to eat and use the bathroom. And when things started to go bad, I stopped. I've decided I want to get back into writing, and the few things I have written the last year make me realize how rusty I am. Creative abilities such as writing and drawing are like muscles - if you don't exercise them regularly, they atrophy. I decided I wanted to get back into writing by starting with fanfiction. It's a wonderful tool, because you don't have to worry about worldbuilding or character design for the most part and can focus purely on a story and how it flows. I was thinking about what to write for, and I instantly decided I wanted to write something Katawa Shoujo related.

I knew of Rika and Saki from the April Fool's post, and I knew there were pseudo routes written by fans for other characters in the game, such as Miki and Suzu. I was drawn to Saki's character when I read the short description about her because there's not that much out there for her (compared to Rika) and that her condition would make a story very difficult to write. But I want to push myself with the challenge. I've been kicking this idea around for a few months and have the outline done and the story I want to tell. Over the past few months I've been researching, planning, and thinking, and I'm ready to finally start writing.

I don't know how often I'll be able to update this story. Life has been a bear recently dealing with work and some other issues, and I write in a very non-linear style. I tend to write and flesh out larger, major plot points first as the interactions come to my head, or I think of a line, and exchange, a description...and I then try to connect the dots. The beginning is always the hardest for me to write, because it's like that first mark on a clean sheet of paper.

This is a learning process for me as well, and also somewhat therapeutic for me as it's going to help me work out some unresolved feelings and issues from that time in my life. So please bear with me. I love constructive criticism and feedback as it helps me grow as a writer. I know that I'm not the first to write a Saki route, but I haven't read the other ones. I have a very clear idea for the character in my mind and I don't know if I trust myself as a writer enough yet to not have her personality in my story shaped on how others have perceived her.

So why Saki?
Saki, as a concept, attracted me because she represents something I felt was really missing from the original game - the concept of mortality. I know that statement sounds counter intuitive given Hisao's condition, but hear me out.

I felt that in a few of the routes, the heart attack and arrhythmia was a plot device simply to get Hisao to Yamaku, and Hisao never really comes to grips with his own mortality or the fact that his heart is a ticking time bomb, and neither do any of the girls. Of the original cast of girls with disabilities, none of them are like Hisao in the aspect that their disability can/will shorten their own lives. All of them have normal lifespans, and if you follow through with the "happily ever after" aspect of the VN, none of the girls or even Hisao really discuss the fact that his reduced lifespan and risk of heart attack is something they'll have to deal with in the future as a couple. Random heart flutters while having sex or the heart attack in Lily's route aside, this was something I felt the original game lacked.

Saki flips that aspect completely on its head. Not only does she know she is going to die, but barring some unforseen circumstance with Hisao, she's going to die much younger than he will. It presents a view that Hisao is going to have to deal with that whatever canon girl he ends up with will have to deal with but never got around to doing in the original game, and in my opinion, a huge well of untapped potential as a writer and a reader.

Anyway, I hope that little essay hasn't scared you off :D I'll start writing in the next post. I was debating whether to interject her into Act 1 or just start straight off with Act 2 like some other writers do, and decided on a compromise. She'll have a few scenes set in Act 1, and when I get to Act 2 I look forward to truly playing with the character and story.

Thanks in advance for reading, I appreciate it :)

Chapter/Story Links

Act 1: Life Expectancy
Detour - 1
Port In A Storm - 1 2
Electric Daisies - 1 2 3 4 5 6

Act 2: Countdown
Rough Idle - 1 2
A Spoonful Of Sugar - 1 2
The Life Aquatic - 1 2 3
Valse a Rosenthal - 1 2 3 4
Manly Fishbowl Rocks - 1 2 3 4
I'm Feeling Lucky - 1 2 3
Ask Me No Questions - 1 2 3 4
Damn The Torpedoes - 1 2 3 4
Kittyhawk - 1 2 3 4 5

Act 3: Ignition
Early Warning System - 1 2 3 4
World 2-1 - 1 2 3 4
Melting Pot - 1 2 3
Black & Yellow - 1 2 3 4 5
Supersonic Speed - 1 2 3 4
More Than A Love Song - 1 2 3 4 5
Lonely Digging - 1 2 3 4 5
Last edited by Eurobeatjester on Mon Sep 18, 2017 1:33 am, edited 48 times in total.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Eurobeatjester » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:32 am

Act 1: Life Expectancy

Scene 1: Detour


This takes place in the middle of Act 1, after Hisao's conversation with Mutou about learning to deal with the disabilities of the other students. Misha barges in and asks for help finding plywood and other supplies, and Mutou encourages Hisao to give her a hand. Instead of heading right down to the art room (where he meets Rin) he instead decides to start his search in a different area.

Aaaaand I'm lost.

Overall, it's not that bad. I just got here to Yamaku a few days ago, and with the process of settling in, I haven't had much of a chance to look around. Ever since I introduced myself to the class, Shizune and Misha seem to have been monopolizing what little free time I have. I appreciate them making the effort to make me feel welcome, but it can be a little exhausting.

This time though, I'm thankful for their interruption. Misha barging in saved me from a fairly uncomfortable conversation with Mutou. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to help Misha with finding what she needed, without realizing how much knowledge of my surroundings I would need to actually do this.

Thus the reason I'm wandering aimlessly around campus.

I find myself actually enjoying the walk around the grounds. I haven't been able to do much of that in the last few months, and the afternoon sun on my skin and slight breeze running over me make me close my eyes and inhale the clean air deeply in appreciation. It's such a stark change from the environment that was my existence until only recently. The sterile air that always had an undertone of harsh chemicals and antiseptic. The precisely controlled temperature with no variation at all.

When was the last time I did this? It feels like a lifetime ago.

I let my breath out in a heavy sigh, opening my eyes to look around me and take stock.

Yamaku is actually larger than one would think a normal school would be, and much larger than my old one. I'm not sure just how large it is yet. I've seen glimpses of a running track and athletic field out of the window in class, and there are a few other buildings scattered around the garden than just the dorms and the two I've been in. I know the important things like homeroom in the main building, the dorms, the cafeteria, and the nurse's office in one of the auxiliary buildings. Nurse and the dynamic duo mentioned something about a swimming pool as well. Maybe I'll find it if I keep wandering around.

As I walk down the pathway towards the building towards Nurse's office, I begin to think a bit more about the school and the people I've met so far, reflecting on Mutou's words. I stumbled in on Lilly, and that was...pretty nice. It was the first time since I got to Yamaku that I actually was able to let my guard down and relax a bit. I had a very brief conversation with Hanako in the library and then spoke with Yuuko, who can only be described as “intriguing.” Then there's Kenji...

I decide I don't want to think about Kenji right now, and make a mental note to follow that policy as much as possible.

I stop in front of the auxiliary building, next to a large tree planted in a hole in the concrete sidewalk. There are a few here in a line, almost as if forming a barrier between this building and the rest of the complex. I see a few students milling about by themselves or casually talking in groups of two or three. Considering the school day is over, I wonder if they belong to the clubs I was hearing about?

Another glance at the front of the building has me seeing a sign emblazoned over the main entrance that I didn't notice yesterday.

“Performing arts center. Huh,” I mumble to myself. Don't see how I missed that earlier. I look down at the list Misha had given me, giving it a thorough read for the first time. Even if I can find all this stuff, how am I supposed to lug it back to the student council room?

Well, this is the performing arts area, I reason while scratching my head. Maybe if Yamaku has a theatre department, they'll have some plywood for their sets or know where to get some. If I'm lucky I'll find an art classroom here as well since Shizune specified she needed no less than five different colors of paint.

“Excuse me,” says a voice behind me. “Are you lost?”

Startled out of my musing, I turn around and see the source of the voice. One of the female students is staring at me with a slightly quizzical amused look on her face.

“Um,” I manage to stammer out, “...I guess I am. I'm new here.”

“What are you looking for?” she asks, not unkindly, with a quick look down at the paper I'm holding. Her head tilts to the side for a second, waiting for a response. It can't hurt to ask, I think to myself.

“I guess I'm an errand boy for the student council right now. They sent me to fetch a few things they need for the festival stall, and I was trying to figure out where to find them,” I say, somewhat sheepishly. She gives a small nod of acknowledgment and holds out her free hand expectantly for the list. As I give it to her, I get a few seconds to look at her and see why she only had one hand free.

She's a few inches shorter than me, with a cute face framed by light chestnut hair that reaches down just past her shoulders. She's wearing the standard Yamaku uniform, but instead of white stockings like Lilly or black stockings like Hanako, she's wearing a pair of dark black socks that come up to just below her knees, and standard brown shoes...which aren't alone in touching the ground. My eyes shift to her left hand, and the cane she holds. Unlike Lily's which is very skinny, this one looks like it's built more for support, especially from the fact the loop on the handle is firmly encircling her wrist.

The most striking feature, though, are a pair of honey colored eyes peeking out from her neatly brushed bangs. They're filled with an eagerness and intensity as they fly over the paper, practically twinkling as I notice the gears in her brain turning.

“Well,” she says, fixing that gaze on me and handing me the list back. “You can probably find most of this in one of the art rooms.” It's said lightly, but that look of amusement hasn't left her eyes yet. Strangely, it's disarming.

“I thought as much,” I reply, “but I'm not quite sure where that is. I thought it may be in this building, since it says “arts” right in the title.”

She laughs. “A lot of people think that, but this isn't where the art rooms are. This is for the theatre and musical departments. Drama, band, choir, things like that. That's why that side of the building is so large,” she says, pointing towards its far end. “That's the main auditorium for different performances and school assemblies. We call it 'the PAC' for short.” She brushes a stray lock of hair back over her ear, revealing a small red earring dangling down. “There's also the main medical offices at the other end.”

“Ah, yeah. I've already met the nurse,” I explain. “He's...interesting.”

She laughs again. “Oh you don't know the half of it. He has a bit of a reputation around here. I can show you where the main art room is. I'm in the art club and I need to head there anyway,” she offers, looking at me expectantly. “I just need to grab one thing here first.”

“That would be great, actually. I still don't know my way around this place yet. It's only my third day,” I explain apologetically. “Yamaku is a lot larger than I expected.”

“If there's anything you want to know, just ask,” she says. “It's pretty easy to get around once you know the place. Here, I'll show you what's inside.”

She starts to head towards the lobby door, with me easily falling into place beside her. I can't help but notice the very slight limp she has, but also the practiced ease with which she moves with it. I suddenly realize that I've gotten this far in a conversation and don't even know who I'm talking to.

“Thanks,” I say, maybe a little too formally. “You know, I didn't get your name.”

“It's Saki,” she replies, turning her head towards me and smiling. “Saki Enomoto. What's yours?”

“Hisao Nakai,” I give, trying to match the genuine tone in her voice with my own and finding it surprisingly easy. I take a step ahead and pull open the door for her.

“It's nice to meet you, and thank you,” she says as she steps through, with me following closely behind. The foyer is modest as I look around, with a few scattered chair and benches, a wall with a brightly painted mural, and large doorways leading off to other areas of the building. I see a few others sitting around the room, either chatting in hushed tones with their peers or their noses intently in books. Two look up and wave in our direction, and Saki waves back.

“This way,” she gestures, moving towards the door on her right. I see the lettering on it right before she opens it, indicating it's the music room. “I'll only take a minute. I hope I'm not keeping you from anything.”

“Don't worry, I have nowhere else to be, really.”

Saki pulls open the door before I have a chance to open it for her, and quickly slips inside. I take the lull to look around and take in my surroundings. The corkboard on the wall next to me draws my attention. Looks like the festival is mentioned about half a dozen times. It seems that everyone in the school is getting involved in one way or another, and I guess it only makes sense that the performing arts departments would put on a show.

True to her word, after about thirty seconds, I hear the door open again next to me. Saki comes back out again, cane in one hand, and a case in the other. It only takes me a second to see that it's an instrument...a violin or a fiddle, maybe?

“Got what you came for?” I inquire, indicating the case in her hand. She nods happily and we start back towards the entrance to the building. When we get to the door, instead of holding it open for her, I get another idea that just randomly pops into my head. “Would you like me to carry that for you?”

“Are you sure?” she frowns.

“No problem. You're showing me how to get to the art room, it's the least I can do, right?”

“Thank you,” she answers, with a sincerity to her voice as she hands me the case. It weighs more than I expected, but then again, I'm no expert in these types of things. How much should one of these weigh? I put the question idly in the back of my mind while we start making our way back across the campus.

“So, Hisao,” Saki starts, skipping normal formalities and calling me by my first name, “you said this is your third day at Yamaku? How do you like it so far?”

“It's...different. It's a lot to take in at once, I guess. Between moving and having to deal with Shizune and Misha running me ragged-”

“Oh, it's those two?” Saki says, with a sympathetic groan.

“You know them?” I asked surprised.

“Trust me, those two are known all over the school,” she clarifies in knowing dismay. “Anyone within a quarter mile of Misha knows she's there, and wherever she is, Shizune is too.”

I find myself laughing before I can stop it. She completely nailed Misha there...but it does present another question. “Well Misha is a given, but how do you know Shizune if you aren't in our class?”

“We had the same homeroom last year,” she explains. “Plus I have to deal with her from time to time when we do different events through the year. She means well, but the way she tries to inject herself into everything can be very...”

“...taxing?” I offer.

“I had a few different words in mind, but that's certainly one way of putting it,” she says with a hint of annoyance. “Just be careful, before you know it you'll be on the student council. She tries that with almost everybody.”

I groan internally. “You have no idea,” I mumble under my breath.

Saki gives a little evil chuckle. “Uh oh, is she already trying to sink her claws into you? Be careful, it's going to get worse before it gets better. That girl loves a challenge.”

“I've noticed,” I submit, my shoulders slumping in an exaggerated sigh.

The next few minutes pass by with idle chitchat. I ask Saki about the festival, since I'm new and it's coming up fast. It seems to be a really big deal for everyone.

“For some people, it is,” Saki agrees. “Others couldn't care less. I guess it just depends on the moods of the people here and the ones that come.”

“What do you mean?”

“Honestly,” Saki hesitates, “I probably wouldn't go at all if we weren't performing.” A bit of enthusiasm goes out of her expression as she continues. “I was there last year, and while it was fun, I don't know the best way to describe it.” She slows down for a second and looks off back in the direction we came, almost to see if there was someone behind us as she lowers her voice. “It's...the school, Hisao. More the guests themselves really. We put on the festival, because it's a normal thing to do, and most of the people that show up are fine, but there are others who just...”

That same lock of hair has slipped down again, so she reaches up to tuck it back while she pauses momentarily. When she speaks again, her voice takes on a matter-of-fact tone.

“Yamaku's not a normal school, and those people go out of their way so hard to make us feel normal. The worst ones are the ones who pat themselves on the back for coming, showing that they're concerned, and 'look at how progressive I am by coming here.' You can see it in their eyes, the way they talk, even the way they move. It's a smugness and it's just...sickening.”

Her words give me pause, not because of their frank nature, but because of the way they strike a chord deep within me. She just summed up and put into words the nagging feeling I had sensed during my stay in the hospital. A feeling and attitude that I started to get from my friends when they came to visit me. Something I couldn't pinpoint, something out of reach, but something that felt wrong somehow.

“Sorry!” she says, startled. “I guess I didn't realize how dark that got for a second. Don't mind me. Those people are pretty few and far between.” She takes a deep breath, and exhales it with a smile, the light shining in her eyes again. “Shall we keep going?” she inquires. “We're almost there.”

And indeed we are. Without realizing it, we were almost to the entrance of the main building.

“Please don't tell me it's in here,” I lament, hanging my head.

“Yep,” Saki says. “It's upstairs. Why?”

“So's my homeroom,” I reply, shaking my head. “Well, I suppose the walk was refreshing.”

Saki laughs, a soft pleasant sound. “You got to see more of the school at least,” she says, as I hold open the main door for her to walk through. She turns her head slightly and gives a nod of thanks as she crosses the threshold.

I'm surprised with how empty the building seems to be. Every time I've been through here it's been bustling with faculty and staff, but there's only the random person to be seen. Everyone must want to leave the classrooms as quickly as possible after the final bell rings. I start to turn towards the elevator, when Saki surprises me. She's making a beeline for the stairs, as if she was completely oblivious to its existence.

With deliberate, practiced motions, she places her right hand on the banister and starts up them, slowly but surely. Using her cane for balance as she lifts it up one step, followed by a foot, and then repeating the process with the opposite leg. It's not until she's on the midway landing and turns to look at me do I realize I've been staring. My face flushes red in embarrassment, Mutou's and Yuuko's words replaying themselves in my head.

“You coming?” she says, choosing to purposefully overlook or ignore my transgression. In fact, she has a knowing grin on her face. She waits with her hand still on the banister, looking at me with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. When I turn my face away from hers, she giggles lightly.

“I'm sorry,” I apologize, my voice thick with shame. “It's just...”

“You're new here?” Saki answers softly. “It's okay. Everyone needs some time to adjust here. And I don't just mean to the school. I'm sorry too, but when I saw your face like that, I couldn't help it.”

“Does that happen often?” I say, starting up after her as she continues.

“Once in a while, but usually once. Just don't ask me to go hiking too far. Stairs aren't that difficult, just slow.”

We both reach the top at about the same time, which opens up into the now familiar hallway. Down to the right is my classroom, and down to the left...is where Saki points. “This way, furthest door down on the left.”

“Great,” I say with exasperation. “Sure took the long road in getting here...”

“Yes, but if you didn't take the long way you would have made me carry that thing all by myself,” Saki chides, looking down at her case as we start towards the end of the hall.

“What's in here, anyway? It's a bit heavier than I thought it would be.”

“My violin,” she responds, our footsteps steady, accompanied by the soft click her cane makes ever time it touches the ground. “I'm also in band.”

“And the art club?” I say, with a mixture of surprise and admiration. “That seems like it would be quite the schedule.”

“I like to keep myself busy,” she replies with a shrug. “Besides, it's fun and it helps.”

Helps with what? That's the last thing I ponder as she reaches the door and opens it.

Next Chapter >>
Last edited by Eurobeatjester on Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:00 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Banda » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:19 am

A friend told me I should suggest this be about/include butt love. Of course this is merely an opinion, feel free to chuckle at it and ignore it~. :3c
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby ProfAllister » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:22 am

Well, I guess the first order of business is to welcome you to this little corner of the internet.

On to the story. As I'm sure you've seen (or will see) discussed here, a pseudo-route is a long and difficult undertaking that requires planning, perseverance, and hard work. Your first chapter is a solid start, but it is, of course, only the beginning.

A few thoughts:

“I had a few different words in mind, but that's certainly one way of putting it,” she says with a hint of annoyance. “Just be careful, before you know it you'll be on the student council. She tries that with almost everybody.”

I groan internally. “You have no idea...”

Saki gives a little evil chuckle. “Uh oh, is she already trying to sink her claws into you? Be careful, it's going to get worse before it gets better. That girl loves a challenge.”


The "you have no idea" strikes me as... a little unnatural. Her initial comment gave the very strong impression that she did in fact have a very good idea.

Also, I may be mistaken, but I'm fairly certain that one oft he few bits of "canon" for Rika and Saki is that they're second years - meaning Saki and Shizune wouldn't have been in the same class.

Since you seem to have cut out Rin's introduction scene, make sure you don't forget that she hasn't yet been introduced if she ever makes an appearance.

A few other smaller details caught my attention, but I forgot them already. If they're important, I'm sure they'll come back to me and/or be mentioned by someone else.

Anyway, it looks to be a promising start and I wish you the best. Happy writing!
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Eurobeatjester » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:36 am

ProfAllister wrote:Well, I guess the first order of business is to welcome you to this little corner of the internet.

On to the story. As I'm sure you've seen (or will see) discussed here, a pseudo-route is a long and difficult undertaking that requires planning, perseverance, and hard work. Your first chapter is a solid start, but it is, of course, only the beginning.

A few thoughts:

“I had a few different words in mind, but that's certainly one way of putting it,” she says with a hint of annoyance. “Just be careful, before you know it you'll be on the student council. She tries that with almost everybody.”

I groan internally. “You have no idea...”

Saki gives a little evil chuckle. “Uh oh, is she already trying to sink her claws into you? Be careful, it's going to get worse before it gets better. That girl loves a challenge.”


The "you have no idea" strikes me as... a little unnatural. Her initial comment gave the very strong impression that she did in fact have a very good idea.

Also, I may be mistaken, but I'm fairly certain that one oft he few bits of "canon" for Rika and Saki is that they're second years - meaning Saki and Shizune wouldn't have been in the same class.

Since you seem to have cut out Rin's introduction scene, make sure you don't forget that she hasn't yet been introduced if she ever makes an appearance.

A few other smaller details caught my attention, but I forgot them already. If they're important, I'm sure they'll come back to me and/or be mentioned by someone else.

Anyway, it looks to be a promising start and I wish you the best. Happy writing!


First off, thanks :D It's the most ambitious project I've done in quite a while. Fortunately, the Dramatica software has been a godsend if you tend to be scatterbrained about ideas like me.

The comment "You have no idea..." was something I felt Hisao would say in that situation, more out of reflex than trying to clarify.

The April Fool's post mentions Rika is a second year, but there's nothing on what year Saki is. I thought it would be best to have her the same age as the other girls.

Rin will be in the story, since they're both in the art club. I didn't necessarily cut out her introduction scene (the idea is that Saki and Hisao walk into the art room together where she is) but I don't know how in depth I'll get regarding that. I want to write a few more scenes with her in Act 1 including the festival. My comp was having some hardware issues and wouldn't even run RenPy without crashing a few minutes in, so I had to start a new game when I got my new computer built last week.

Thanks for the kind words :D It's encouraging!
Last edited by Eurobeatjester on Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Leaty » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:36 am

Banda wrote:A friend told me I should suggest this be about/include butt love. Of course this is merely an opinion, feel free to chuckle at it and ignore it~. :3c

What, are you twelve?
ProfAllister wrote:Also, I may be mistaken, but I'm fairly certain that one of the few bits of "canon" for Rika and Saki is that they're second years - meaning Saki and Shizune wouldn't have been in the same class.

You're mistaken. Only Rika is a second-year student. Saki is either in 3-4 or 3-1.

Eurobeatjester, I'm very pleased with what you've done thus far. It's nice to see a first installment that's actually more than 500 words, and you've clearly put a lot of thought, research and effort into your work. Somebody has tried doing a Saki psuedo-route before, and that route is "technically" finished, but of all the finished pseudo-routes, that one is probably the sketchiest, not in the least because Saki kind of came off as a Jerk Sue. I like this take on her better, so I hope you continue to write this fic.

Are you going to incorporate Saki's "being too cute has its drawbacks too" line into the story? I highly recommend you do, but it isn't necessary. Also, are you intending to write branching paths? I'm ambivalent about the prospect, but I believe I know somebody here who will audibly facepalm if you do.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:48 am

I have to say, upon seeing this thread my first thought was something along the lines "oh yay, another new poster jumping right into the deep end with a pseudo-route". I pray that you forgive me for being so cynical and jaded. It has been disappointingly frequent as of late for new writers to go into this sort of thing without any idea as to what to expect. Safe to say I was pleasantly surprised that you, at the very least, have a solid grasp of the technical aspects of writing. Whether that grasp extends to the realm of storytelling is yet to be seen. However, rest assured I'll be keeping a close eye on this thread.

Now it's time for the fun part; spelling and grammar gremlins. Haven't done this for a good while.

Eurobeatjester wrote:I appreciate them making the effort to feel welcome

How nice of Misha and Shizune to makes themselves welcome. Perhaps you meant "welcoming" or "to make me feel welcome".

Eurobeatjester wrote:“Excuse me,” I hear a voice behind me.

As an independent sentence, "I hear a voice behind me" works fine. However, as a speech tag, it does not and cannot. The speech tag should always contain a verb pertaining to the speech, such as "said". For instance, "says a voice behind me". Alternatively, you could start the line with "I hear a voice behind me." and then go on to have both parts of the speech in the same quote block. Either works.

Eurobeatjester wrote:That same lock of hair slipped down again

No need to go into past tense. "Slips" works fine.

Okay so you're pretty good other than what the Prof. mentioned. I did note a few differences from "canon" Saki, but I frankly don't see it as a problem. New interpretations of a character - particularly ones whose characterisations are flimsy at best - are always welcome. As are you, sir. Good luck with your route and, most importantly, have fun.

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T'was due to a silly discussion. Pay it no mind.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Banda » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:51 am

Leaty wrote:
Banda wrote:A friend told me I should suggest this be about/include butt love. Of course this is merely an opinion, feel free to chuckle at it and ignore it~. :3c

What, are you twelve?


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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Eurobeatjester » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:54 am

Leaty wrote:Eurobeatjester, I'm very pleased with what you've done thus far. It's nice to see a first installment that's actually more than 500 words, and you've clearly put a lot of thought, research and effort into your work. Somebody has tried doing a Saki psuedo-route before, and that route is "technically" finished, but of all the finished pseudo-routes, that one is probably the sketchiest, not in the least because Saki kind of came off as a Jerk Sue. I like this take on her better, so I hope you continue to write this fic.

Are you going to incorporate Saki's "being too cute has its drawbacks too" line into the story? I highly recommend you do, but it isn't necessary. Also, are you intending to write branching paths? I'm ambivalent about the prospect, but I believe I know somebody here who will audibly facepalm if you do.


I probably will, if I can find a place to fit it in. I see her as a somewhat playful character (I was hoping this introduction and her poking fun at Hisao for watching her climb the stairs would show this) so I should have no problem.

I haven't decided about branching paths because writing fiction in this sense is different than writing as part of a script where you can have multiple paths. From a few of the other fics I've read on here that have them, it basically boils down to making a choice, and then having only one post/chapter to conclude the bad/neutral end. I've had a thought or two about a bad end, but I haven't decided yet, as it will be quite a while before I would get to writing one :P

I wasn't aware there was only one Saki route done. Saki drew me in because she presented an interesting aspect that wasn't present in the original game. With the exception of a few scenes such as Hisao's heart attack at the end of Lilly's route, and the occasional worrying about his heart during sex, Hisao almost never brings up his own mortality or the fact his condition is going to cut his own life short. None of the 5 canon girls have an issue that will shorten their lives. The arrhythmia seems more of a method to get him to Yamaku rather than be a main point in the story. If Hisao ends up with any of them happily ever after, it's going to be a concern, but this is never mentioned except once or twice.

Saki turns that aspect on its head. While it's not specified what type of spinocerebellar ataxia she has (there are about three dozen known varieties of ataxia with varying effects, and a dozen classified under "spinocerebellar") it's very clear she's going to live a much shorter life than Hisao will.

Blackwaltz: Thanks for pointing those mistakes out. I fixed them accordingly. I almost never write in the first person.
Last edited by Eurobeatjester on Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby bhtooefr » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:00 am

Leaty wrote:Saki is either in 3-4 or 3-1.

It actually doesn't say either way what year she is.

If she's a third year, though, she has to be in 3-4. 3-1 is the deaf class (IIRC Shizune chose to be in a general class), 3-2 is the blind class, 3-3 and 3-4 are the other classes.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Mirage_GSM » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:30 am

Leaty wrote:Also, are you intending to write branching paths? I'm ambivalent about the prospect, but I believe I know somebody here who will audibly facepalm if you do.

I guess that will be me, though I don't know how audible it will be over the internet...
There's not much I can add over what Leaty, Blackwaltz and bhtooefr already said, so I'll just say Good Job so far, welcome to the forums and good luck with your project.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby sanduba » Thu Nov 28, 2013 11:28 am

yay~! yay~! I had never seen a Saki pseudo route, definitely will follow it.
Best story:
Hanako > Rin > Lilly > Emi > Shizune

best girl:
Lilly > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Rin

Eh, that's my opinion.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby AntonSlavik020 » Thu Nov 28, 2013 12:41 pm

I have to say, very solid start. Like Leaty said, it's nice to see an introduction that's not super short and actually gives you somewhat of an idea on the story. I'll definitely be following this.
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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Feurox » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:23 pm

Banda wrote:
Leaty wrote:
Banda wrote:A friend told me I should suggest this be about/include butt love. Of course this is merely an opinion, feel free to chuckle at it and ignore it~. :3c

What, are you twelve?


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No....he is....

THE FUTA KING!

On a more related note, this is a good start ;) Keep up this quality ;) <3
My Hisao and Molly route. Here


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Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route

Postby Steinherz » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:54 pm

bhtooefr wrote:
Leaty wrote:Saki is either in 3-4 or 3-1.

It actually doesn't say either way what year she is.

If she's a third year, though, she has to be in 3-4. 3-1 is the deaf class (IIRC Shizune chose to be in a general class), 3-2 is the blind class, 3-3 and 3-4 are the other classes.

I believe the April Fool's thing only mentioned Rika being a 2nd year. If Saki's is unstated, it's likely because she's a 3rd year.
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